Yesterday, word spread that ageless human branding mechanism Tom Cruise had been quoted comparing his job (as a punch-kicking thespian who has the most demonstrative "running really fast face" in Hollywood) to that of a soldier. In Afghanistan. Cool story, bro, sneered the Internet, as everyone was collectively…
So many awful, devastating, terrible things happened this past week. I read all of your comments, reacting to the stories, and my heart broke with you. I watched you shed your tears, all because this week brought a trio of tragedies to world of entertainment news reporting.
On Watch What Happens Live, aka the Algonquin Round Table on LSD, Neil Patrick Harris offered an apology for showcasing all that pesky death that ruined your enjoyment of America's Fourth Most Important Awards Show, aka the Emmys:
After two years of marital bliss, 19-year-old Courtney Stodden has split from her 53-year-old husband Doug Hutchison. People, people, I know this is hard, and I know what you're thinking: "Hhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuggghhh, this bra iiiiiiiitches. Should I order cheesy bread or nachos? Wait...did I turn the space heater off?…
Teen bride Courtney Stodden is still tooling around London after getting evicted from Celebrity Big Brother last week. The 19-year-old went to some place called Whiskey Mist last night without her old man and acted about as age appropriate as we've ever seen her, as she had to be carried out of the club because she…
RuPaul has a lot of good advice for Courtney Stodden, and I’m sure if you watch this video more than once, you’ll detect how insightful and empathetic a showbiz guru he is. But. The one overshadowing moment in this installment of “RuPaul Drives” is when Courtney Stodden explains why her puppy’s name is “Dourtney.”
Good job, you two! You did it! Backstory: Nine-ish months ago, Alec and Hilaria Baldwin did a special kind of hugging, and then today a baby came out! JUST LIKE IN THE SCIENCE MOVIES. The baby is a girl and they named it Carmen Gabriela and now it lives with them and Alec Baldwin touches its poop and stuff. Congrats!…
Snooki—new mom and noted SNILF—thinks Kate Middleton is really pretty. No, like, really pretty. So pretty, in fact, that Snooki would like to ILF Kate Middleton right in the M-hole. Or something. Point is, she's into it.
Rob Lowe and Rashida Jones will be leaving Parks and Rec during the 13th episode of the upcoming sixth season, executive producer Mike Schur has confirmed — because their characters are maybe, probably, having that baby they were talking about at the end of last season.
An online pornographer named Max Gambler (!!!) apparently offered Courtney Stodden $200k (with the potential to "lead to" $5 million) to star in a 15-minute "360 degree" porno, which is like a regular porno but FILMED IN A 360-DEGREE OVEN. She declined. "It is not the direction I am interested in taking in my life,"…
To your chagrin, the gum-snapping, Jnco-pants-wearing Icarus known as Justin Bieber has not yet flown into the sun. In fact, Biebs' reign of terror has now expanded well beyond the Greater Los Angeles area. He and his Little Rascals were banned for life from Las Vegas Indoor Skydiving after being disrespectful brats.…
After years of concern, concern-trolling, and self-destructive behavior that made even Oprah do this, Rihanna is allegedly taking some time off from her Diamonds World Tour to check into a women's sex and love addiction program at Centers for Relationship and Sexual Recovery (CRSR) on Recovery Ranch, a Tennessee…
In a move worthy of Charlie Kaufman, Doug Hutchison's newly non-child bride Courtney Stodden took a break from living in a sex tape just long enough to actually film a sex tape. Meta! It is a solo tape, filmed shortly after her 18th birthday, and, SORRY, it is totally private until she decides to sell it for more…
I have to admit, I do find something slightly compelling about the utter unselfconsciousness of Courtney Stodden, her royal footman Doug, and Dourtney, their dashing steed/fake son. If you take her at her word that she was not sold into child-marriage, the unselfconsciousness is not manufactured, and she is wholly…
This weekend, teenage bride Courtney Stodden threw a premiere party for the release of her new music video for her single "Reality." She showed up in a floor-length, transparent gown—the kind that strippers wear when they're working the floor selling lap dances—that revealed her illuminated panties. It turns out that…
Yesterday afternoon Chris Brown wrecked his Porsche after being chased down by the rabid paparazzi on the way to a charity event, according to the Beverly Hills Police Department. Brown's PR rep (#2 most thankless job after "professional human shit shoveler") explained how it happened:
Now, I'm not going to sit here and say that Courtney Stodden has or hasn't been victimized, because I don't know her. But I would like to note, real quick, that Courtney Stodden's mother allowed Courtney Stodden, at age 16, to move to Los Angeles and marry a 50-something mutant serial killer. So based on the evidence…
In a sportive and impish exchange of verbal daggers, Adam Levine promised—in mixed company!—that he will transform the ass of fellow Voice judge Blake Shelton literally into grass! Then he skipped away in his sailor suit licking a giant lollipop.
Although it certainly raises the question of precisely what kind of roles Megan Fox will get that involve keeping her clothes on, Megan Fox will be keeping her clothes on in movies for awhile so that her baby son Noah doesn't get teased about it when he gets older:
For last night's season finale of Couples Therapy, aka, The Courtney Stodden Show (and "show" is used as a verb there, in reference to her co-stars, cleavage and butt cheeks), Courtney sat down for a therapy session with her mother Krista. Krista is also Courtney's manager—a job she describes as 24/7 because "the…
