Wilderness warrior Spencer "Crocodile" Morgan has risked life and limb to bring vulnerable males some much-needed details on the cheetah, via noted field biology resource The New York Observer. Below, a breakdown:

The behavior:

Cheetahs are apparently younger than cougars, but more dangerous. The cougar satisfies its mating instinct and then moves on to the next victim. Not so the cheetah:

Much has been made of the so-called cougar, the older dame, early 40s on up, who has developed a taste for the younger man-beast. Dana's hunting methods and psychology bear no resemblance to the cougar. As Seth aptly points out, "A cougar would fuck and then leave and not feel bad."

Instead, Seth awoke to Dana's limpid eyes, followed by an awkward kiss in broad daylight as the two parted ways on the street. The cheetah stays the night.

The hunting season:

I immediately thought of the widely held view that single women are keen to get their paws on a hunk of man to hunker down with for the winter months. I looked out the car window-it was raining. A cold, insinuating rain. The conditions were perfect for a cheetah to a strike.

Yes, winter is the cheetah's favorite time for hunk-hunkering. Her preferred weather? "Insinuating" rain. What is this rain "insinuating?" Perhaps it whispers, "don't pay attention to stupid trend pieces." Or, "holy shit, a talking raindrop!"

The method:

In order to snare their prey, cheetahs have evolved a mechanism known as "cock loitering."

"A cock loiterer is typically a girl who has recently come out of a relationship that she's been in for a long time, and she suddenly realizes that getting laid is not as easy as it once was," [noted cheetah expert A.J. Daulerio] explained. He noted that the cheetah hunts alone, and prefers gatherings where she can blend into the crowd until the quarry grow weak and sloppy. "You know, she's the type who'll come out to the sports bar for Sunday football and then, whereas most people will leave after the 12 o'clock game ends, she'll stick around for the 4 o'clock game," he said.

Other animals employ similar tactics — the "dick waiting" behavior of the Yellow-Bellied Dick-Waiting Armadillo, for instance, is well documented — but none is more dangerous than cock loitering. Many men whose cocks have been loitered on never recover.

The markings:

Cheetahs sometimes attempt to blend in with male humans. Writes Morgan,

The cheetah is most often a just-one-of-the-guys girl. That's her cover. In nature, a cheetah will lurk in the high grass and use her spots as camouflage.

Some very skilled cheetahs can actually change their skin color to mimic an Ed Hardy T-shirt. However, many also wear makeup. Daulerio describes one cheetah who "was notorious for looking dreadful without her makeup on." This is actually not unique to cheetahs. Iguanas are well-known for looking like shit without their mascara, and have you seen an owl when it gets up in the morning?

The experts:

For help warning the populace about this scourge of the savannas, Morgan enlisted "new-media mogul and man-about-town Lockhart Steele," "John Carney, of Businessinsider.com," and "A.J. Daulerio, who runs the sports news website Deadspin.com." That these men all happen to work in media no doubt only increases their experiences with cheetahs, as large predators are noted readers of blogs (tigers really like Politico). That they are all personal friends of Morgan, and one another, should not invalidate his contribution to biological research. In fact, many advances in life sciences have been brought about by polling friends! Darwin's On the Origin of Species was actually based, not on many years of exhaustive field work as is often thought, but on a conversation Darwin had with some guys he met in a bar. In fact, the first edition really began thus:

Mr. Jonathan Smythe-Horton of Smythe-Horton's Dry Goods says, 'Finches look pretty at first — who doesn't want to take a cute little Geospiza conirostris home for a night of fun? But they're always Twittering about your relationship! And then they evolve into big fat hens who steal your money.'

The animal kingdom, dear readers, is a dangerous place.

Rrrowl! Beware Cougar's Young Niece, The Cheetah [NY Observer]

Since Cougars and New Moon are the biggest stories of the year, it's no shock that there are two - count 'em, two - stories about the older Twi-hard phenom today. Cue plenty of easy cracks about hot flashes and vampire-level body temps, but really, why shouldn't they? Any phenom worth its salt by definition has cross-appeal, right? Yeah, they're tween books. But no phenomenon can run on Teen Spirit alone. That's no shock, but the shame element is new. After all, whereas Harry Potter love just involves a certain amount of geeking out, there's the whole sexual element to Twilight.

Says CNN,

Since so many of "Twilight" fan sites were overrun with teenagers, adult women have erected their own digital havens for fans who could take only so much of the "OMG Edward's so hot!!!" reaction to "Twilight." There's Hansen's Twilight Moms Web site, which she started for married women and mothers who want to revel in their "Twilight" fandom, and sites like 49-year-old Patricia Kopicki's, which is for any adult "Twilight" fan, parent or not.

And, after all, Edward Cullen is, like, 108, anyway, right? Plus, a vampire. Plus, a fictional character. If it weren't escapism, it wouldn't work. (As one commenter sagely noted during a discussion of Star Trek, "we're not talking about Zachary Quinto. We are talking about Spock. Remember this distinction.") It's oft been said that the books appeal because they capture that feverish teen love so accurately. As this week's New York Magazine puts it, "Twilight taps into a time when passion is as much about fantasy as reality, before drunken college hookups, before booty calls, before scheduling sex into a marriage. Twilight reinvents sex for women who might have placed it at the bottom of a to-do list." And as one older fan tells CNN, "I wouldn't go back to dealing with teenage love in a million years. I'm happily married and I have a great relationship, so it's not that I feel that 'Twilight' is filling a void...the appeal is that it's very simple and pure and it outlines this love story of someone who's average and normal with this stellar, amazing person who has eyes for no one but her and could save her from anything."

It kind of makes me sad that these women have to justify loving the books, or having fantasies. I thought that was the point of fantasies. The judgey poster who New York quotes as saying "The only people obsessed with Twilight are teens and fat suburban moms from the Midwest," probably explains why a lot of people want to keep their fixation in the closet. I'm more curious about how the Twi-hard daughters feel about their crush being co-opted, but morally I don't see why anyone should care. Okay, within reason, as CNN makes clear:

But when the actors are under 18, like Taylor Lautner, the 17-year-old who plays Jacob, is, all of the women agree that a line has to be drawn on the swooning."We're very careful about that, because even to me that would feel creepy," Hansen said. "And then we have the mothers who say, 'oh my gosh he's the same age as my son!'"

Older Women Crave 'New Moon' Vampires [CNN]
‘Twilight,' Take Me Away! [New York]

You've seen it: a middle-aged mom, presumably moving her son into his dorm room, and the son's nerdy roommate, share a Halls Refresh lozenge and a weird moment of sexual connection. Then her menfolk walk in and are suitably appalled. ("Surprisingly mouth-watering," leers an insinuating voice-over.) The American Decency Association has called the ad "perverse" and its founder explains, rather oddly, that "I believe that an advertisement like this really does grease the skids and does further promotion and legitimization of elderly ones with younger ones — and it's like putting fuel before the fire."

"Elderly ones with younger ones" are also the theme of Cougartown, of course, during which the lame ad ran, and presumably the show's fans were neither unduly shocked nor influenced. But the ad is, certainly, problematic, albeit for a number of different reasons. Slate's Seth Stevenson, while he finds the add bizarre and silly, thinks this is a bit of a tempest in a teapot - that it's in the tradition of recent absurdist candy campaigns and too outre to be taken seriously. The bigger question, for him, is who the hell the commercial is targeting: boys or moms? Candy's aimed at kids, but the spot's placement - and its virtuous lack of sugar - suggest that it's playing to mom tastes, which Stevenson finds duly dubious.

In a way, I'm with the ADA, because the continuing perpetuation of the cougar/MILF thing is indeed creepy. If the ad featured a dad and a young female nerd, it would be universally shunned and it's time we stopped pretending that the reverse is always the stuff of harmless fantasy. That said, the ad's a send-up of the cougar phenomenon's absurdity, and if that's a signal of shark-jumping (or, as Hortense has suggested we rename it, "pulling a Scrappy-Doo"), bring it on.

But what bothered me most was sort of exactly this: this isn't a MILF and a strapping stud: it's a frumpy middle-aged woman and an Asian nerd, shorthand for "NOT SEXY!!!" That's why it's funny, you see: these are two groups whom no one would ever find attractive if not under the influence of the cough drop! (Note the action figures and equation.) That, after all, is what the husband and son are reacting to: not just the inappropriate dynamic, but the fact that these non-sexy types are breaking out of their designated roles. "Surprisingly mouth-watering," is after all, the tag-line. One can only imagine what other treats Hall's Refresh has in store!

Of course, at the end of the day, Stevenson's right: it's just a dumb commercial, and these people occupy Commercial-Land, in which all husbands are single-digit stupid, all moms are knowing, all kids are sassy and precocious, and everyone, given their bizarre enthusiasm for fast-food promotions, is apparently stoned, always. All this, presumably, makes us want to buy stuff. And if that's true, Stevenson shouldn't even question the targeting: we are, it would seem, morons. Who eat cough drops for pleasure.

Can Cougars Sell Cough Drops? [Slate]
Halls Refresh Commercial - Mom [YouTube]

1.) Toes
Tyra had guests this week who get fake toenails put on.

And there were these idiots, who pay $65 a session to have their toes read.

2.) Mariah
She made the talk show rounds. She stumbled on Leno.

Then she went on Larry King Live, where she blinged out his logo.

And then smelled her tits.

Also, Larry serenaded her.

3.) "Where are you?"
Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew premiered this week. One of its cast members, Nicole Narain, was on The Joy Behar Show, where she answered Joy's question a little too literally.

4.) What happens when you slouch in Judge Judy's court.

5.) Cougars
The Insider is taking this taking this cougar thing way too far. Although, I do like the little glimpses of Wasilla townies we get.

Niecy Nash is now literally referred to as "the resident cougar," and for the past two weeks, she's been going on dates with younger men.

Is this supposed to be sexy? Chest stubble and exaggerated nipples?

It reminds me of when Homer got plastic surgery so that Marge wouldn't leave him for a younger man.

And his nipples cried.

6.) Heather from Rock of Love on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
She played a hooker.

7.) Why did Sandals have to ruin a perfectly lovely song?

8.) Jon Gosselin implied that he's on the same professional level as Mary Hart.
And she didn't like it.

9.) Kirstie Alley on her coke days.

10.) Michelle Obama is fun.

According to Sarah Kershaw's piece in today's New York Times:

The study, published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, reported that the couples thought their age difference mattered more to the outside world than to them, and that the men were more strongly drawn to the relationships at the start because of physical attraction.

Imagine that: A younger guy being attracted to an older woman. Why, it flies in the face of everything we know about dried up old hags!

And listen to this insanity:

Consistent with most other research and what many relationship experts are saying about these connections, the authors found that women liked the vitality the younger man brought into their lives, and men liked the maturity and confidence in the women…

You mean older ladies are not desperate mountain lions pouncing on young, virile, unsuspecting men? And these guys actually think the gnarly old crones are hot???

It's true. And in addition: These fools are normal.

"Initially I thought I would find more issues," said Nichole R. Proulx, the lead author of the study, who is a marriage and family therapist in Maine. "But it's a relationship like any other, despite what society might say. I thought I'd find that he looks at her like his mother, more inequality, more power struggles."

A relationship like any other? Someone had better tell Courteney Cox.

Rethinking the Older Woman-Younger Man Relationship [NY Times]

Earlier: "This Whole Business Of Calling Yourself Cougars? It Needs To Stop. Now."
Courteney Cox Doesn't Know If "Cougar" Is A Compliment
No One Harmed At Cougar Convention
How Do We Survive The Cougar Attack?
5 Reasons Why Courteney Cox's Cougar Town Looks Awful

• Frances Bean Cobain has written an open letter to Ali Lohan. Would you like to know what it says? Here goes — and consider it to be [sic]-filled:

"This is my open letter to Ali Lohan.
Your not entitled to anything simply because your sister has a recognizable name. Your idea of fame isn't fame. It's infamy. You want to be famous? Work your ass off and make decisions that could potentially catapult your career into a lasting one. Notariety for who you are and notaritey for the work you produce are two completely differnt things. I understand that you have been brought up in an envirtoment where the idea of fame is easily achievable but, that's not an excuse. You lack the talent, social understanding and credibility to be anything other then infamous. Your careere choices, thus far, will transcend a future career as someone who attempted to be famous, but never quite achieved it. And if you do, it will be the formality of fame that puts you on the covers of tabloids, while the public idly watches you plumit into the murky abyss shared with the likes of Spencer Pratt & Jon Gosslin who, i'm sure, will steal your money whilst there. Fortunately for the world, there are people who have and don't have recognizable names, who have obtained artistic integrity and will one day, hopefully, bring that tangible artisticness into light again. Though, its hard to think thats achievable when people like You ali lohan are rendering the world of true talent by attempting to make your entitled ass noticed. How is this fair to the people who HAVE artistic integrity, or a mind? How is it fair to those who truly have something to offer the human race other then a dwindling last name and a few shitty films, both of which, solidified the idea that your just a celebrities sibling. I recognize that i might come across as harsh and no, i don't personally know you, but its the actions that you take, that speak for you. You blatently don't care how your recognized, its the objective to get famous and that is what makes you replaceable and a recycled idea .Well, im ashamed to have to be grouped into the same category of person as you. I would rather die a most painful death the be assoicated with the kind of careere your trying to make for your self. I hope i'm wrong because generally i'm not a very judgmental person, but in the case of you, that is MY entitlement." Phew! …And scene. [ONTD]

• Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston had a "secret meeting" in New York, yet somehow the Daily Fail knows that the rendez-vous took place in a hotel and that Brad "unloaded his emotional baggage" on Jen. [Daily Mail]
• I wish I'd seen the Madonna and Lady Gaga dance off on Saturday night after SNL; sources say Madonna seemed to be the winner. [Page Six]
• "Madonna and her toy boy Jesus Luz had a bust-up following the pop queen's admission she'd rather get hit by a train than get hitched again." He supposedly feels like a fool and is heartbroken. [The Sun]
• OMG Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart went out for dinner (with friends)! They ate and enjoyed themselves! They were acting like a couple! All together, now: TWILIGHTISREALSPARKLEVAMP4EVA. [People]
• After being in a car accident on Monday, Nicole Richie's been checked out at the hospital, visited by her mother at home, and hired a lawyer. Hope everything is okay. [People]
• Jon Gosselin on that missing $230,000 from the Gosselin's joint account: "I never took any money." [TMZ]
• Lamar Odom has met with his lawyer regarding a prenup in his wedding to Khloe Kardashian, and word is, he will not be giving her half his earnings. [TMZ]
• Spoilers! You know this pic of Kim Cattrall in a wedding dress for Sex And The City 2: Electric Boogaloo? It's supposedly a fake-out; the ones getting married are Stanford and Anthony. More spoilery details at the link. [JustJared]
• SHOCKER: Mariah Carey has been acting like a diva on her new tour. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Click for a pic of Kate Hudson in a wedding dress, modeling for a Bazaar photo shoot. [NY Post]
• Organizers "worked overtime" to keep feuding singers Lily Allen and Katy Perry away from each other at the Chanel show in Paris. [The Sun]
• Kevin Federline's former landlords want $110,661 in unpaid rent and damages — which include spit marks on the exterior paint, gutters full of cigarette butts and beer bottles, broken tiles, a broken dishwasher and dismantled smoke detectors. Popo wow. [TMZ]
• Tyra Banks doesn't drink anymore, and a "source" says, "I guess that's how she ended up dropping 30 pounds." Anonymous weight loss speculation FTW! [Page Six]
• Shannen Doherty is working on a reality show that will highlight her "lighter and funnier" side. [E!]
• Queen Latifah is concerned about the hip-hop scene: "Never in my career do I remember rap being so male-dominated. In videos, women are basically shown as the girl you shake the booty with. They're objectified. There are females out there who can rap, who listen to rap. Missy and Lil' Kim and the young up-and-coming ones need an opportunity to be heard. I think we're all masculine and feminine, and a society can't be right if you don't honor the feminine voice." [USA Today]
• Usher's divorce: Delayed. [NY Daily News]
• "The FBI investigated whether Anna Nicole Smith was part of a plot to kill her tycoon husband's son, whom she was battling for his late dad's fortune, but prosecutors ultimately decided there wasn't enough evidence to charge the Playboy Playmate who died in 2007 from a drug overdose, newly released files show." [AP, LA Times]
• A man who bid in the canceled Michael Jackson auction is pissed he didn't get the stuff he was willing to pay for. He's suing for $5,000,000. [TMZ]
• Honestly, I do not even get why story about Jude Law, Hamlet and someone being upstaged by a skull is "news." It sounds like much ado without nothing. [Telegraph]
• The number of viewers of The Jay Leno Show: In decline. [USA Today]
• Nick Lachey avoided Jessica Simpson while in Vegas and refused to be photographed with on and off girlfriend Vanessa Minnillo. [Page Six]
• No one wants to be on Tinsley Mortimer's reality show. [Page Six]
• "Mel's anti-Jew-spew DWI wiped off books." [NY Post]
• Is Cougar Town a virus? It's spreading. The show will air in territories across Europe, Africa and the Middle East. This is what we export, people. Cougars. Can I go back to bed now? [Variety]
• If you shop at the right consignment stores, you could find clothes worn by Padma Lakshmi, who's given up her pre-pregnancy ensembles for charity. [Page Six]
• Something happened to Tony Roberts during the Sunday matinee of the Broadway play The Royal Family. His daughter reports the actor had a minor seizure and is now "feeling great." [USA Today]
• At the link, you'll find Chris Daughtry's tips for a happy marriage. If you're interested. [People]
• Elvis Presley's grandson Ben Presley, 17, just inked a $5 million record deal but says: "The music will be nothing like Elvis, nothing like him at all." Good luck with that! [NY Post]
• Little Britain star Matt Lucas had tried to get his former husband Kevin McGee off coke, and even paid for rehab; McGee committed suicide earlier this week. [The Sun]
• "I wanted somebody who had a huge presence-charismatic, able to dominate a room [yet] who was very sensitive, whose emotions were right under the surface." — Spike Jonze, on casting James Gandolfini's voice in Where The Wild Things Are. [The Daily Beast]
• "I think the way kids create is so inspiring. They're drawing a picture? They love the picture they drew; they're not tortured about it. But I think that that's only one side of me. Right now, it's a good story because it makes a tie-in with the movie." — Spike Jonze, on getting labeled an overgrown child. [Daily Beast]
• "I have kissed a lot of rock stars in my time but seriously never so many as the last 24 hours." — Courtney Love. [Page Six]
• "Hanging around with Chris, he always has a video camera, and he's like, 'I'm gonna ask you some questions about hair.' I talked a lot, but that turned out to be, uh, funny, I guess… I had a perm and when guys have it straightened, they put the rollers in their head, you know, so you get that Super Fly look." — Ice-T, who is in Chris Rock's Good Hair and, yes, used to wear rollers. [NY Mag]
• "I'd never been averse to any kind of medication, but you get brainwashed. I started reading all these books and doing pregnancy yoga. By the end, you feel you have to go natural in order to be a real woman. I got myself a doula [birthing assistant] and a water tank and struggled on for 24 hours, and then I had an epidural. I can remember saying to the anaesthetist, 'Oh, I love you, thank you so much.' I don't know what I was thinking." — Emily Mortimer, who is expecting her second child in January. [Telegraph]
• "It was important for me to write that, to get it off my chest. And to discuss it with a therapist, and tell my parents — which I did, eventually, though it took me about 20 years. And hopefully it will be helpful to someone out there who has gone through a similar situation. [The incident] left me not knowing how to deal with certain things. Boys can put pressure on you, and I didn't do so well with saying no. I had a lot to figure out, and I did eventually, but it was tough. We have to do a better job of looking out for our young girls, because there are predators out there." — Queen Latifah, regarding a song on her new album, Persona, about when she was molested as a 5-year-old by a male babysitter. [USA Today]
• "I get offered movies on a regular basis, but most of them are terrible because most of the movies that are made are terrible. I don't think anybody saw Adventureland, but they marketed it as a big comedy, so I get sent these really shitty scripts that I think people assume that was like. So many scripts where people are having sex with each other. Every script starts off with sex… [With Zombieland…they were nervous to hire me because I'm not famous. There were other more famous people who were auditioning for it. I think the main reason I got into it was because Sony really likes Greg Mottola, who directed Adventureland, so he vouched for me, because he directed their biggest movie in the last several years, Superbad. — Jesse Eisenberg. [BlackBook]
• "Guns seem dumb. I felt bad holding guns because I don't know what influence it has on people watching movies. You can make the argument that it lets people take out their aggression so they don't do it in real life. You can also make the argument that it makes guns look fun and people are going take them out and play with them." — Jesse Eisenberg. [BlackBook]
• "I normally get recognized as either a guy from Spring Awakening, or there's this other guy that screams at me all the time, Hey Napoleon Dynamite! I don't go to nightclubs, I don't go to nice restaurants. There's no perk that can be had aside from getting a slice of pizza at interviews. But you could. People really could exploit it. I haven't been single for 7 years, but I know people who are maybe my level of attractiveness or less and they can have sex quite often… That's great, because then they'll tell me about it." — Jesse Eisenberg. [BlackBook]

First Kimmel said he wasn't sure if "cougar" was a compliment or an insult. And Courteney agreed. But… Your show is called Cougar Town! Next, she claimed that used to think that "cougars" were women who'd had a lot of plastic surgery, trying to look young, to go out with younger guys… But now she's changed her mind, because she is a cougar. Wait, why is she a cougar? Does this mean she did or didn't have plastic surgery? Or is she a cougar because she's 45 and David Arquette is 38? Right. Okay.

Next, she had some kind of talking point about women reaching their sexual peak in their early 40s. Kimmel questioned the veracity of that theory, and Courteney backed down. But she did say: "I think the whole cougar thing — I'm glad it's come around." Plus: "I think what happens is as women get older — they want to become more sexual, so they're trying so hard to stay young that… probably they're pretending." Yeah, that's it. Older women are just pretending to be sexual... kind of like Courteney is pretending Cougar Town was a good idea.

Earlier: No One Harmed At Cougar Convention
5 Reasons Why Courteney Cox's Cougar Town Looks Awful

The New York Times' "Generation B" column profiles a newly-divorced 57-year-old woman who, she says, is finding the dating landscape dismal.

She has tried social networking, going to dance clubs, reconnecting with friends at her class reunion (all married), waiting for something magic to happen and online dating. "When you're 18, you just jump in," she said. "Now, I worry. What do I need to know about him and what do I need to share about myself - with a whole lifetime to pick from?

Where her husband quickly found a new girlfriend, Christine Shiber is having a hard time meeting a man her age. And, says the piece, this is consistent with grim statistics.

According to 2001 census data, 41 percent of women 50 and over who've been divorced have remarried, while 58.4 percent of divorced men that age are remarried. "That's the biggest remarriage gap for all age groups," said Dr. Francesca Adler-Baeder of the National Stepfamily Resource Center at Auburn University. "Among the divorced, the least marriageables in our society are older women, highly educated who make a good salary."..."Studies show men tend to marry down - someone slightly younger, less educated, making less money," Dr. Adler-Baeder said. "Women in their 50s literally don't have a visible pool of eligible men around them."

It's funny that this piece should appear just as we're starting a fall in which network TV seems determined to overturn the stereotype - or at least firmly embed a new one. Says media writer Julie Zied, this fall's TV lineup is all about "the epic battle of female seduction between the mature (cougars), and the young (kittens)." First, and most glaringly, there's Cougar Town, whose premise and title are cringe-inducing enough to send us running to the safe confines of Lifetime. Courteney Cox is a divorced single mom who, with a short supply of men to hand, sets her sight on the legions of young bucks eager for her experience and wisdom. It's not just Courtney: Zied identifies a whole pack of femmes fatales who seem to fall into the 2-D trap of "sexxxy predatory older woman," from Melrose Place's Laura Leighton to Jenna Elfman in Accidentally on Purpose to Elle MacPherson's steely agency head on The Beautiful Life. All of them are set against ingenues whom they presumably eat for breakfast. The "cougar" trope is as old as The Graduate, but the modern iteration - whose mother superior might be SATC's Samantha Jones - is, theoretically empowering. Whereas Mrs. Robinson was a male fantasy, the cougar is supposedly a woman's, what the Urban Dictionary defines as " A woman who is 35+, sexually cunning, that prefers to hunt rather than be hunted."

The cougar is all about using and losing hapless men and besting less wily younger women. This isn't the First Wives' Club, nor even someone getting her groove back - it's an every-woman-for-herself band of Real Housewives and powerful vigilantes whose creators confuse objectifying men with empowerment and maturity. With, as the Times reminds us, an ever-growing pool of divorced women over 35, do the TV execs this this is what the demographic wants? A woman who's essentially an asshole man, but who presumably has more sexual secrets under her garter belt? And is is an empowering fantasy - or more male-engineered cat-fighting? And does setting up equally ludicrous and superficial standards for women of all ages really do anyone a service? Cougar Town would probably suggest women throw back a few drinks, put on a tighter skirt, hire a sitter, and stop thinking already.

In Her 50s, Looking For Love [NY Times]
Fall TV Preview: Cougars Versus Kittens [FanCast]

It's that word. Cougar. As Rebecca Traister so eloquently wrote for Salon, "aggressive female sexuality is always talked about as feral, often feline. When it's older, apparently, it develops sharper claws and teeth… mindless characterizations of va-va-voom youth seekers who wear too-tight animal prints and talk like children about stalking men as prey is not important, valuable or empowering in any way." And as Allure blogger Erin Flaherty once wrote of Brooke Shields being called a cougar: "Sometimes an attractive woman is just an attractive woman. Can't hot older women just be hot?"

Viewing older women as "wild" "cats" results in unfortunate, often preposterous language of predator and prey. Poor, defenseless men! Scary, aggressive ladies! When writing about the photos from the Bay Area Cougar Convention, SF Weekly's Joe Eskenazi jokes, "beware young gentlemen. Here thar be cougars." Come on. An older single woman is not some sort of bogeymonster, lurking in the shadows, preparing to attack. It's diminishing, insulting and derogatory to characterize them that way.

What you actually see in theses pictures are older women and younger men — single, consenting adults — enjoying each others' company. The men in the images look extremely pleased to be there and not at all like they've been pounced on by claw-bearing, untamed feline females. Sure, there's that one chick with cat ears on, but we go easy on crazy cat ladies around here.

Hello, Ladies: Fur Flies at Bay Area 'Cougar' Convention [SF Weekly]

Earlier: How Do We Survive The Cougar Attack?
Me-Ouch! Sarah Haskins Gets Catty About TV Cougars
5 Reasons Why Courteney Cox's Cougar Town Looks Awful

[Images by Daniel C. Britt/ Painet; used with permission]

Yes, The TWITs, "Teenage Women in their Thirties," who like to party it up "like teenagers," which apparently means putting marriage and children on hold for a while. That's it. That's the entire definition of a "TWIT." A woman in her thirties who likes to go out dancing instead of planning weddings or shopping at Babies R Us. "People have a perception of me as being young and fun and when I tell them my age it changes the way they see me," says TWIT Kelly Jones, a model, "I am here to have good clean fun, party it up and live my life."

As Eleni Hale of the Herald Sun writes, "Just like men with Peter Pan-syndrome who are not ready to grow up, TWITs are putting serious relationships and parenthood on hold, instead choosing to continue partying and enjoying the freedoms they discovered in their teens." Apparently, not having kids and being single makes a thirty year old woman equal to a sixteen year old! Who knew? And here I was thinking that women who made choices regarding parenthood and marriage who just happened to enjoy going out and having fun were just, you know, WOMEN, and not 16-year-olds trapped in a 30-year-old package.

Thank goodness someone has slapped a meaningless label on this "fad" to help us understand it a bit better. And to think, I was just calling this phenomenon "Thursday night with my friend Lisa." Now I know I should buy her a pink jacket with "TWIT 4 Lyfe" emblazoned on the back. Surely, she'll be thrilled that her life choices have been neatly packaged into a completely empty and idiotic category.

Meet The TWITs- Teenage Women In Their Thirties [Herald Sun]

Joey is the tattooed emo rocker cool guy swordsman. It may have just been editing, but in this first episode, he came off as turd. He kept trying to make fun of one of his roommates, Emilee, for working at Hooters, and unfortunately, she didn't seem to have the verbal capacity to defend herself. Then Joey brought home a girl he met in a club for a one night stand. Two of his female roommates, Ayiiia and Jasmine, drew pictures of Joey's coital session, and explained to the confessional how lame the girl is that he slept with, because she doesn't realize that she means nothing to him and she's just one chick on a long list that he's fucked. (For his part, Joey said that he felt "really cool" because he was the first to have sex in the house.)

But who said that girl wanted to mean anything to him? It seems to me that she was just out for a good time that night, like Joey was. In fact, her mother ended up hooking up with one of the Real World guys as well. I don't think either of these women had any intentions on falling in love with the Cancun tail they got.

1.) Cougars!
Babs had a hard time saying it at first…

…but once she did, she liked how it sounded.

A lot.

2.) Sometimes soap opera dialogue sounds like that of a Russ Meyer movie.

3.) Talking about the weather, being judgmental about seat belt safety…Lauren Conrad is the definition of a square snot.

4.) Tyra is square snot².

5.) The Insider suggests the state intervene with Jon and Kate…because they are raising narcissists. Could you imagine the tax hike that would occur should indulgence be made a criteria of neglect/abuse?

6.) But that's business as usual for The Insider.

7.) Did Whoopi fuck Hugh Hefner?

8.) My mom was in The View audience this week. I could recognize her anywhere. Dollars to donuts I hear all about how freezing it was in the studio, and how rude Joy Behar is for not wanting to pose with her during a commercial break, the next time we speak. This is at least the sixth time in 11 years that's she's been an audience member on that show.

9.) How do you call monkeys?

10.) Janice Dickinson was on Finland's Next Top Model, and we posted about how she got wasted, fell down a flight of stairs, and then insulted the contestants by calling them "fucking dumb." However, she was totally blotto when she first arrived on set, acting like Miss Hannigan.

Yes, the "cougar" lady participating on this shitshow - who, by the way, is 40 - says it is "really empowering" to have all of these guys vying for her attention. As Haskins points out, "Age ain't nothing but a number. A really awkward number." But! As Barbara Kantrowitz and Pat Wingert ask in Newsweek, "Do 50-year-old women really want the sex life they had at age 25?" No one cares! They're too busy making up animal names with which they can describe the chicks  er, LADIES. Clip below.

Sarah Haskins in Target Women: The Cougar [Current]
Counter-Cougar Thinking [Newsweek]
Earlier: Sarah Haskins: "Laundry. It's The Woman's Drug Of Choice"
Sarah Haskins On Michelle Obama's Arms: Welcome To The Pun Show
Sarah Haskins Tackles Tough Love
Sarah Haskins Helps Women Name Their Lady Parts
Sarah Haskins Explains The Sheer Evil Of Carl's Jr. Ads
Sarah Haskins Learns Valuable Lessons From Busty Blonde: Barbie
Sarah Haskins Overwhelmed By Oscars "Ex-Plosion"
Sarah Haskins Calls Out Jez Commenters
New Year, New You: Sarah Haskins Teaches You How To Diet
Sarah Haskins Wishes You Happy Period Control
Diamonds Are Not Sarah Haskins' Best Friend
Sarah Haskins Worries That Ann Curry's Life Is In Danger
Car Commercials Drive Sarah Haskins Crazy
Sarah Haskins Takes On The Disney Princesses
Sarah Haskins: Fiber Is Secret Code For Making You Poop
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins