Jezebel
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mag hag
Katy Perry Is Not An "Orgasm Whisperer"…
…Although the August Cosmo cover might lead you to believe so. Also, Sadie says: "I think the hair is supposed to look like Elizabeth Taylor but instead it looks very Delta Burke circa Designing Women, no?" [JustJared]
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105
By DodaiComment by morninggloria: For me, having an orgasm takes a degree of perfect concentration. I can't even do it if like there's a... 16 Responses | Other threads
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freezer burn
Cosmopolitan Is Really Into Ice, Ice, Baby
I typically take on Men's Health on the weekends, because it's a treasure trove of stupidity, but today's Saturday gem comes to us from Cosmopolitan, which decided to present us with "10 Sexy Things To Do With Ice." Yes, really. More »
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By hortenseComment by mysterygirl: H, I think Ali Larter wore the whipped cream bikini. Amy Smart was the nice girlfriend. 9 Responses | Other threads
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(not so) extreme makeover
Cosmo Website Redesign Offers Fresh New Layout, Same Old Crap
Steve Smith of Minonline is all excited over the redesign of Cosmopolitan.com, praising its "magazine-like look" and "lighter, less cluttered feel." But is Cosmo online really an awesome new experience? More »
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By Anna N.Comment by BabyJane: Everyone knows you need a retirement plan, a plan to escape your home in the event of fire and a... 7 Responses | Other threads
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train this
Cosmo Still Pushing The Ol' "Train Your Boyfriend" Bit
Oh, Cosmopolitan magazine. Nothing says "healthy relationships" quite like an article dedicated to teaching women to "train" their boyfriends by applying animal training techniques, as treating them like human beings would be totally absurd, no? More »
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By hortenseComment by Bitchplz: Is this from an old issue? I swear I've read this "animal training" thing somewhere before... 8 Responses | Other threads
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cover lies
Cosmo: Answers To Unasked Questions, Meanings For Meaningless Actions
The July Cosmo: full of answers to burning questions like, "If I have many partners, will I become loose?" You know, questions that seem too random that they can't possibly be real. Oh, who cares...the joy is in the answers.
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By CherylComment by LaFemme: I heard somewhere thatthe more sex and orgasms you have, the tighter you will become. The vag is a muscle,... 10 Responses | Other threads
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cover lies
June Cosmopolitan Says Quit Your Bitching
With teen bad girl du jour Blair Waldorf on the cover, Cosmo editors set out to add a dose of high school bitchiness to the June issue. Too bad they forgot their mission after writing the cover lies.
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By MargaretComment by NefariousNewt: "Proven mind tricks?" What is this, a Jedi instruction manual, now?!? 16 Responses | Other threads
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book reviews
Cosmo's Helen Gurley Brown: Maybe Not Such A Bad Girl After All
In Bad Girls Go Everywhere, Jennifer Scanlon tries hard to make Helen Gurley Brown look like an unjustly overlooked feminist icon — and she kind of succeeds.
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By Anna N.Comment by AtomiClash: humanitarian misanthrope: I can't help but think that on some level, the so-called triumph of Brown's mini-skirt feminism over that of Friedan... 25 Responses | Other threads
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fun, fearless females
Seen, Not Heard
According to the new biography of Helen Gurley Brown, the Cosmo Girl was criticized "for not allowing certain subjects into her magazine. These included the existence of children, and topics like AIDS." [NYT]
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By SadieComment by rocknrollunicorn: I love the phrasing here. "The existence of children." I just see her on the street firmly turning her head... 11 Responses | Other threads
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cover lies
Cosmo's "Sexy Issue" Does Helen Gurley Brown Proud
This month's Cosmo is "The Sexy Issue," meaning that after months of tough investigative reporting and cerebral cultural criticism, Cosmo is finally going to address what we truly care about: "his most dirty-licious fantasies."
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By Anna N.Comment by casi nadie (é o português de Curly Crown): Years ago, before I discovered Jezebel and Dan Savage, I read Cosmo because it talked about sex. And then I found... 21 Responses | Other threads
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fun, fearless females
Cosmo's Helen Gurley Brown: Does A Feminist Icon Please Her Man?
"If you're not a sex object, you're in trouble." See, it's quotes like this that tarnish Helen Gurley Brown's otherwise unimpeachable feminist legacy.
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By SadieComment by sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit): From Time: "Writing in the Wall Street Journal last week, Brown fondly recalled working at a Los Angeles radio station... 35 Responses | Other threads
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the more you know
10 Things We Wish Guys Knew We Know
Today, Cosmo's website posted 10 Things Guys Wish We Knew. Guess what: We already knew them! (But, surely, you knew that.) In response we've compiled the 10 Things We Wish Guys Knew We Know.
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By TracieComment by The Hand-Walking Queer (texascrude): Ten things TexasCrude wishes she knew: Where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. What Meatloaf won't do for love. Shooties. Why mayo looks like ejaculate. The cultural... 23 Responses | Other threads
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cover lies
Cosmo Says: Cash-Strapped Ladies, Put A Belt On It
April's Cosmo jumps (again) on the recession-era shop-your-closet bandwagon, and lands with a resounding thud.
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By Anna N.Comment by Your Screenplay Sucks: I read that article on tips on pleasing your man. No, not that one, the other one. And let me... 24 Responses | Other threads
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dirt bag
Lindsay & Sam: Another Night, Another Fight
- Video: Samantha Ronson peels out of a Vegas club parking lot. A minute later, Lindsay Lohan emerges, saying, "Did she leave? She fucking left? Where's my car? I want my fucking keys now." [TMZ]
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By DodaiComment by rednrowdy: other than the fact that she has terminal cancer, is there some other reason that we keep hearing about jade... 20 Responses | Other threads
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rag trade
Madonna Raises PETA's Hackles, Maybe Gets A New Clothing Line
- PETA named Madonna one of its 6 worst-dressed celebrities, along with "Maggot" Gyllenhaal and the Olsen twins. "Someone needs to tell Madge that wearing fur doesn't make you a cougar," the animal-lovers sniffed. [PETA]
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Comment by LaComtesse: I'm sorry Ann Taylor. I promise to buy more this spring. 27 Responses | Other threads
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mag hag
Ex-Cosmo Editor Calls For Less Stabbing, More Knitting In British Ladymags
Former British Cosmo editor Linda Kelsey is "shocked, bewildered and disgusted" by British women's magazines and their cover lines like, "I breastfeed my puppy" or "Lesbian Incest: My Sister and I Want A Baby." More »
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By Anna N.Comment by Phyllis Nefler: Yeah, the bloody syringe illustrating the headline "Injected with HIV by Dr. Death Because I Wouldn't Sleep With Him" is... 13 Responses | Other threads
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cover lies
Your Life Is Broken: Let Cosmo Fix It
March Cosmopolitan thinks you're unhappy. Maybe it's because you're fat, maybe your boyfriend doesn't love you, maybe your friends are boring. No matter — for every problem, Cosmo has vague, simplistic, or totally weird advice.
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By Anna N.Comment by morninggloria: This magazine would be so much more interesting if every now and then it had an All Zombie Issue, featuring... 16 Responses | Other threads
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mag hag
Cosmo Thinks Of Things You Would Never Think Of By Yourself
The March issue of Cosmo's "How To Stretch Your Clothes" story has a novel idea for those of you who like pricey, shredded designer jeans: Just cut holes in cheap jeans! Click to enlarge. More »
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By DodaiComment by Lirael: Im sorry but I am not wearing bike shorts to work even with a pair of heels. No one needs... 26 Responses | Other threads
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mag hag
Cosmo Turns Vamp Into Victim
In Underworld: Rise Of The Lycans, which made $20 million at the box office over the weekend, Rhona Mitra plays a sword-wielding vampire. But in Cosmo's February issue, she's a damsel in distress. More »
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By DodaiComment by Your Screenplay Sucks: I'm tired of these boyish, floppy-haired vampires. Fuck it. I say we wipe the slate clean and go back to... 9 Responses | Other threads
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low-brow
Put Your Eyebrows On A Diet
Cosmo's Andrea Levinthal says if you can't hit gym, just let your eyebrows grow. "Who knew??" says Levinthal. "I always thought the thinner, the brow, the thinner I looked." Congratulations, Andrea, that means you were thinking about this. We're going to take your advice a step further and spray our faces with Rogaine, to conceal that hideous facial chub beneath a luxuriant beard. [Cosmo]
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By Anna N.Comment by hortense: I've decided to let my eyebrows grow long enough for me to knit them into a very chic face cozy,... 11 Responses | Other threads
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cover lies
February Cosmo: The Taint Is Out, The Lungs Are In
This month's Cosmo wants to let you in on a hot new trend: breathing!
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By Anna N.Comment by honeybunchesofoats: ok, I know Cosmo isn't going to be able to tell me, but I really am curious about how sex... 62 Responses | Other threads
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Fun, Fearless Female
Sex & The Single Girl: Why Cosmo's Helen Gurley Brown Got Canned
Legendary Cosmo editor Helen Gurley Brown helmed the ladymag for 32 years, and didn't go easy: apparently it took a series of flippantly tone-deaf gaffes to get the sorta-feminist doyenne fired. Heroine or relic? More »
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By SadieComment by BeckySharper: HGB is a traitor to womanity. Not only does she think sexual harrassment is cute and fun, she's made a... 27 Responses | Other threads
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Misery loves chili dogs
The Cosmo Misery Quiz: How Hot Dogs Can Predict The Future Of Your Relationship
With its overconfident predictions (if your man likes chili, he'll love a deep massage) and its every-answer-is-the-right-answer optimism, the Cosmo Couple Quiz just makes life seem a little too easy. More »
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By Anna N.Comment by R_Claw: Did they steal that from the first episode of the Bachelor this season? One of the girl-testants totally did that... 13 Responses | Other threads
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mag hag
"Let Them Eat Cake," Says Cosmo Editor-in-Chief
"Lately, thanks to the economy, you've probably been feeling more stressed out than usual," says Cosmo Editor-in-Chief Kate White in February's issue. Luckily, she has some totally relatable advice: More »
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By Anna N.Comment by Edna Sednitzer: I didn't thought to savor just how often each day was. uh? UH? How often each day was? Like once a... 30 Responses | Other threads
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Blogospheres
HuffPo Plays Cupid!
"Throughout the ages, there's been one question that's consistently stumped the wisest of gurus and prophets — and at times even Oprah. Love or lust?" asks Cosmopo - oh, wait, it's The HuffPo! -
mag hag
Is Cosmo's Idea Of Romance A Little Rapey?
Glossed Over isn't too fond of the fiction excerpt in this month's Cosmo, because it (sorta, kinda) romanticizes assault.
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By Anna N.Comment by Penny: Well, for starters, lots of women have rape fantasies, whether we like it or not. Secondly, I don't think... 13 Responses | Other threads
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dirt bag
Britney On Hunger Strike?
- Britney's big eff you to her (chef) dad: Skipping dinner: "Britney thinks that if she doesn't eat much she will lose weight, then people will notice," an insider says. [MSNBC]
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By DodaiComment by EdnaMode: I am on a hunger strike too... only it's unintentional, finals are screwing with my head. I almost forgot about... 23 Responses | Other threads
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dirt bag
Cosmo Made Up ScarJo's "Romantic" Quotes
- Whoa: Recent quotes about Scarlett Johansson's marriage to Ryan Reynolds were "wholly fabricated": The actress "has at no point granted U.K. Cosmopolitan an interview, and never discussed her personal relationships with the publication." [E!]
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By DodaiComment by NefariousNewt: Early in his movie career, when he was breaking into the big time, I had a lot of respect for... 11 Responses | Other threads
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cosmopolitan
January Cosmo Knows What You Did Last Night
They know when you've been naughty, they know when you've been nice. No, not Santa and his elves — Cosmo's Bedside Astrologers! They have extremely specific knowledge of what you and your partner are doing in bed. For instance, if you're a Pisces and he (although January Cosmo does include an article on a rare breed known as the "lesbian," their astrologers are only concerned with heteros) is a Gemini, then he enjoys "lying perpendicular to your body while giving you oral." But if you're a Sagittarius and he's a Scorpio, he's probably "pressing a vibrator against your va-jay-jay" this very second. None can hide from Cosmo — not you, not your man, not your va-jay-jay. More of the magazine's wisdom, after the jump.
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By Anna N.Comment by morninggloria: If you are a Leo and your man is a Taurus, you met him by responding to a Craigslist ad... 23 Responses | Other threads
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maghag
"If Guys Edited Cosmo" ... It Would Be Exactly The Same
The other day you said you "enjoy finding the inconsistencies in lady mags." Us too! Like this month's "If Guys Edited Cosmo" feature, with headlines that look . . . a lot like Cosmo headlines. Check it out after the jump.
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By Anna N.Comment by CrossWord: "Why Your Yappy Friend Who Majored in Women's Studies Is Your Worst Enemy" O RLY????????????? Fuckers. 25 Responses | Other threads
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cosmopolitan
Y So SRS?
It seems that Cosmopolitan's long-standing position as the top magazine of choice for college students has worn off: a new survey reports that Time has replaced Cosmo as the favorite college magazine. The reason? Possibly Barack Obama, whose message of change may have sparked collegiates to focus on more serious issues than the newest faux-Kama Sutra sexual position. More signs of seriousness? The top website was listed as CNN.com while Perez Hilton and CollegeHumor dropped off the list of favorite websites. Now that is change we can believe in. [AdAge]
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By MariaComment by CapHillEscapee: Good job, college. Maybe in 2009 it will be The Economist. 3 Responses | Other threads
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Overthinking
Cosmo Takes The Fun Out Of Cuddling
In its ongoing quest to add maximum self-consciousness to every facet of life, Cosmo brings us "What His Cuddling Body Language Reveals," in which you're apparently supposed to spy on your "man" while cuddling for "insight into his personality, naughty desires, and more." Because as we know, in Cosmo land, why try direct communication when there are tricks and wiles and boas! More »
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By SadieComment by edie_g: Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, my cat is spooning me. Does that mean he's emotionally detached? 9 Responses | Other threads
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Women of the Year Awards
Females Are Fun, Fearless, & Poorly Dressed At Cosmo Awards
Just having a "Women of the Year Awards" wouldn't be enough for British Cosmopolitan. No, instead the magazine held the Ultimate Women of the Year Awards, which one can only assume was more fun, fearless and female than normal awards shows. And, apparently, the event called for worse clothes, because Kim Catrall, Melanie Brown, Dannii Minogue and the host of British celebs who packed London's Banqueting House were most definitely not looking their best. The fun, the fearless, the female — after the jump! More »
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By SadieComment by LadyJagger: LL WFLvn th s-clld "gd".Cnn Fshr nds t gt hr frghtfl tth fxd. n ths dy nd g thr's n... 10 Responses | Other threads
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orgasm face
Once More, With Feeling: Ladymags Generate Anxiety Over "Orgasm Faces"
If you look closely, you'll see that there is a cover line on the new (December) issue of Cosmopolitan which reads: "Your Orgasm Face: What He's Thinking When He Sees It." Yeah, that's right: orgasm face. It's Cosmo's way of saying Happy Holidays! Actually, this is not the first time these words have appeared on the cover of a popular ladymag; back in April 2000, Glamour magazine ran a story called What Men Think About When They See Your Orgasm Face. It would be sorta funny if it weren't so revolting, insipid and infuriating. More »
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By DodaiComment by Copper: What about HIS orgasm face? In my experience, his is way worse than mine. 18 Responses | Other threads
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cover lies
November Cosmo Gives Us A Stinging STD Called "Pear-Fection"
It's hard to know where to start with this month's Cosmo. There's the first date tips that tell you to be yourself while "mirroring" the guy's moves. Or the "cougar skills to crib," which includes acting like you don't want a husband — an especially interesting suggestion when paired with Cosmo's oven-roasted chicken recipe, guaranteed "to encourage a man to pop the question." [Wait, didn't 'Glamour' do this, like, years ago? -Ed.] But our favorite November feature is probably the fall cocktail lineup, which appears to be disease-themed. Would you like a nice Pink Eye? How about an Agave Stinger? Or perhaps a Pear-Fection (more popular than its cranberry-based variant, the Urinary Tract In-Fection)? As a bonus, they are all the color of bodily fluids. More fun with Cosmo, after the jump.
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By Anna N.Comment by Chuck Basketcase: I need Lauren Conrad to disappear now. I hate her like I hate Sarah Palin for her undeserved I'm-the-greatest attitude. 10 Responses | Other threads
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cosmopolitan
Oops.
Two hot, single dudes were disinvited to Cosmopolitan's "50 Hottest Bachelors" party Tuesday night, after editors found out that both Maine's Derek Hawkes and West Virginia's Daniel Kirk had once posed nekkid (one on a gay porn site; the other for Playgirl.com). As Jossip points out: "Cosmo likes guys who show skin, just not too much skin." [Jossip, Page Six]
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By DodaiComment by K: I admit it. I clicked through to the nekkid pictures. The second guy's dick is crooked and waaay too tan. Seriously,... 4 Responses | Other threads
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cosmopolitan
Sex, Guys, And Exclamation Points: Fun With October Cosmo
Last week we were concerned that Cosmo had gone minimalist, eliminating all but one paltry headline from its Kate-Hudson-emblazoned cover. Fearing we'd be deprived of the cover wisdom of Cosmo's sexy sex sexperts, we came up with a substitute. First, get 100 index cards. Write "sex" on 75 of them. Then write "guys" on 20. Fill the remaining 5 with whatever random numbers and punctuation marks you want. Then pull these out of a bag at random and you have your very own Cosmo cover lines. Example: "Sex? Sex!! 15,000,000 Guys?!?!?" Luckily, Cosmo came through for us after all — check out our version of the (real) October cover after the jump.
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By Anna N.Comment by Penny: 15 Date Ideas He'll Be Into Basketball/baseball/football game? Hiking? Lingerie shopping? Beer tasting? Riding bikes? 15 Responses | Other threads
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cosmopolitan
Cosmo Understands Men So You Don't Have To
If you're a regular Cosmo reader, you already know that men aren't capable of using words to express emotions. That's for those of us with two "x" chromosomes. To understand a man, you have to read his body language, much as you would, well, a dog. How do you decode his mysterious slumps and slouches? October Cosmo has a helpful guide, titled "His Body Reveals What He'd Never Tell You." But we're not sure if we agree with their assessments. Check out our readings of different male postures — and add your own — after the jump. More »
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By Anna N.Comment by labeled: "It took me three hours to pix that cheap candlewax off of my ass last night. Please-I've-told-you-a-100-times-please, use soy... 8 Responses | Other threads
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expensive shit(fight)
September Smackdown: Cosmopolitan Vs. Teen Vogue
Today, in the last of our matchups in the September "expensive shit" smackdown, we bring you a battle of the generations. Cosmopolitan was throwing out her back with new acrobatic sex positions when Teen Vogue was just a twinkle in Anna Wintour's eye. But can even the best-selling women's magazine in the world stand up to a snotty adolescent with unfettered access to Mama Vogue's credit cards? Will the Dara Torres of ladymags beat out her teenage competition, or will Vogue's Satanic offspring finally manage to take down her slutty 122-year-old cougar aunt? Find out after the jump, and check back later today for the winner of our Expensive Shit Charity Case contest.
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By MargaretComment by CrossWord: Sigh. My bid for the showcase showdown was close, but too high. Don't worry. I totally had a spreadsheet at work... 2 Responses | Other threads
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cosmopolitan
Starlets Like Food And Men Like Sex In This Month's Cosmo
Magazines! You know they're all just glossy insecurity factories trying to suck your brain matter out through your thighs, but sometimes their cover lines are soooooooo tempting. Too bad they're all a lie! In "Cover Lies," former intern Cheryl Campbell and I rewrote the magazine covers to better reflect the stories within. We added up all the numbers in the cover lines of this month's Cosmo, and we got 334! Pointless? Yes — just like most of the articles these headlines reference. After the jump, we posit some more truthful teasers for September’s crop of Cosmo's please-your-man tips and unsettling beauty tricks.
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By Anna N.Comment by N i s t h a: I am really tired of these magazines constantly catering to men's pleasure. I doubt you see as many articles on masturbating,... more » | Other threads
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vogue
MagHag
Fall usually means heavy, whopping copies of the major ladymags. Last year, the September issue of Vogue had 725 pages of ads, reports the Wall Street Journal. This year? 674. The ad pages for Cosmopolitan and W are also down. Notes WSJ: "At prices that can climb to $120,000 for one full-page ad, every missing page hits the magazines hard." Says Valerie Salembier, publisher of Harper's Bazaar: "Everyone is facing 2009 cautiously. I'm nervous, and I think all magazine publishers in our field feel the same way, whether they admit it or not." Are we witnessing the end of an era? [WSJ]
cosmopolitan
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Fri Jul 3
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Transformers blows up this weekend. Need to know more? io9 gets down and dirty with the superbots.
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