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Cosmopolitan
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The Cosmos
"10 Questions You Can't Ask Anyone" was the tantalizing Cosmo Girl!cover line that won our hard-earned $3.49 this month. The touted story is a Nancy Redd advice column that addresses the usual array of teen "ick!" topics — stretch marks, itchy asses, third nipples. (One in 20 women have one!) But then there was this one, uh, unexpected question that for some reason doesn't seem made up. (Click the pic to see.)
cover lies
Well Isn't The Cosmo"Sexy Issue" Just A Sexy Breath Of Fresh Sexual Sexy Sex Air!
Oh goody it's the Cosmo "Sexy Issue"! We've been waiting all year for Cosmo to finally address the underexplored topic of s-e-x. They address "sex" with classic Cosmo understatement, of course: "sex" appears in only six places on the cover, meaning the word "sex" itself represents a relatively restrained 7.5% of words on the cover, in much the way that you will really find the word "fuck" in no more than 10% of the words you read on the average Jezebel post. Anyway! The Sexy Issue is really a goldmine, starting with what may be the magazine's most ingenious yet use of food in a sex act — click to find out what it is! — and an engaging interview with actress Kristen Bell, who, like most other Cosmo cover subjects, stars in the television show Heroes. Click to see the May Cosmo as interpreted by "Cover Lies," in which we rewrite the mag covers to more accurately reflect the sexy content within. More »
How The Brazilian Explains The World
The May Cosmo is here! And it wouldn't be a Cosmo "Sexy Issue" if it didn't come equipped with a scintillating (or something-ating!) think piece on the numerous societal implications of the mass-acceptance of Brazilian waxing. No really! It's on page 233, but I'll summarize: Men of a certain age now expect you to be bald, no more hiding those genital warts either, genital plastic surgery is up 30%...actually, the thing is too awesome not to scan. Click the pic for my three personal favorite excerpts.
signature psychoses
Dear Cosmo Girl Hayden "Heroes" Panettiere: "Better To Be The Turtle Than The Hare"
It's almost spring, so it's probably fitting that Cosmopolitan has decided to put Heroes actress Hayden Panettiere on the cover of its April issue (right next to the words "SEX GENIUS" in 64-point type!). Not only is Panettiere a budding star — after she gets her first big, silver-screen role her handlers will no doubt go after the cover of the glossier, more respected Glamour — and a budding adult (she's just 18), but, according to graphologist Sheila Kurtz, she's got "buds of an imagination, but no apparent follow through." (Ouch?) After the jump, Kurtz weighs in on the actress' handwriting, as seen on the "Cosmo Quiz" accompanying Hayden's newly-released cover story. More »
cover lies
Cosmo Reminds You To Bring The Bucket Of Ice Next Time You Have Sex
It's time again for Cover Lies, wherein Cheryl and Maria rewrite the cover lines of major mass-market women's magazines to better reflect the content within. Not that you were considering actually buying "Cosmo"!
Back in high school, when our sexual experience was (um) limited, Cosmo was about the naughtiest thing one could read. It was a portal to urbane twenty-something maturity: sexual positions that no one understood, shots of men sans T-shirts, and secrets that "Guys Really Want You To Know!" Now, when we read Cosmo, it reminds us more of awkward teenage girls with hysterically low self-esteem. Guess the college education wasn't a total waste! Anyway, it's a good thing we weren't ever "fearless" or "fun" enough to actually try anything Cosmo recommends, because what they recommend this month is: running your tongue along the roof of your boyfriend's mouth while kissing! Bringing a "bucket of ice" out during sex! (And also: dry shampoo.) There's also a stab at humor with the "If Men Edited Cosmo" section. It reads surprisingly similar to what happens when women edit Cosmo! Have fearless fun, ladies! More »
MagHag
An unfortunate side-effect of working for Jezebel (besides the carpal tunnel, that is) is that we acquire enough issues of Cosmo to fill the waiting room of a third-rate day spa. But, while organizing my collection of ladymags, I noticed an image forming on the spine of my Cosmos. The picture is the bottom half of a man lying playfully on a bed, without his shirt (because they don't have enough half-naked men in the magazine to begin with!). Dodai wonders if anyone other than us (and beauty salons) are keeping the issues around long enough to see the image form. Tracie asks if the picture was of someone famous (perhaps "Fun, Fearless Male" John Mayer?). What do you think, European model or mildly famous male celebrity? Stock photo from the late '90s or Chad Michael Murray (he's still a thing, right) or both? Click on the photo to see a larger version.
An unfortunate side-effect of working for Jezebel (besides the carpal tunnel, that is) is that we acquire enough issues of Cosmo to fill the waiting room of a third-rate day spa. But, while organizing my collection of ladymags, I noticed an image forming on the spine of my Cosmos. The picture is the bottom half of a man lying playfully on a bed, without his shirt (because they don't have enough half-naked men in the magazine to begin with!). Dodai wonders if anyone other than us (and beauty salons) are keeping the issues around long enough to see the image form. Tracie asks if the picture was of someone famous (perhaps "Fun, Fearless Male" John Mayer?). What do you think, European model or mildly famous male celebrity? Stock photo from the late '90s or Chad Michael Murray (he's still a thing, right) or both? Click on the photo to see a larger version.
maghag
Even though Hayden Panettiere turned 18 last August, we're wondering, is the Heroes starlet a teenager or an adult? We ask only because Hayden is on the cover of three different Hearst girly magazines for April 2008: There's Cosmopolitan ("Fun • Fearless • Female"), which, according to demographics, has a medium reader age of 31.5. But Hayden is also on the cover of Seventeen ("It's Fun To Be Seventeen" — median reader age, 16.5), and that magazine's seasonal spin-off, Seventeen Prom (median age, um, Jessica McClintock?). Are we supposed to believe that both high school sophomores and career women in their thirties want to buy into what Hayden — and Hearst — is selling?* After the jump, we take a closer look at the differences in how Hayden is presented to the ladymag-loving public.
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Heroes' Hayden Panettiere Is An American Everywoman
Even though Hayden Panettiere turned 18 last August, we're wondering, is the Heroes starlet a teenager or an adult? We ask only because Hayden is on the cover of three different Hearst girly magazines for April 2008: There's Cosmopolitan ("Fun • Fearless • Female"), which, according to demographics, has a medium reader age of 31.5. But Hayden is also on the cover of Seventeen ("It's Fun To Be Seventeen" — median reader age, 16.5), and that magazine's seasonal spin-off, Seventeen Prom (median age, um, Jessica McClintock?). Are we supposed to believe that both high school sophomores and career women in their thirties want to buy into what Hayden — and Hearst — is selling?* After the jump, we take a closer look at the differences in how Hayden is presented to the ladymag-loving public.
More »
Why New York Sucks
The April Cosmo goes bar-hopping at some local dives and snaps photos of couples talking to submit them for body language analysis. This guy's body language revealed him to be the biggest player. Click on the pic to see. His face is blurred out, but seriously...
The April Cosmo goes bar-hopping at some local dives and snaps photos of couples talking to submit them for body language analysis. This guy's body language revealed him to be the biggest player. Click on the pic to see. His face is blurred out, but seriously...
cover lies
Ooooooh Mommy: Cosmo Said The "Jay-Jay" Word!
Yay! We are back with more Cover Lies! This month, Cosmo achieved the impossible. It made the slang term "Va-Jay-Jay" even more cringetacular! See, it's not okay to just emblazon the word "Vagina" really big on a magazine, because then all the blogs will write "Ha ha ha Cosmo said 'VADGE'" and set off a domino-effect of third grade humor. So we are glad Cosmo took the mature road by employing euphemisms like "lovely lady parts" and illustrating the vagina package — heh! — with photos of oranges and grapefruits and vinegar bottles ("Every chick has a different scent!") and E. coli under a microscope. Reading about my "V-zone" and what men think about when they masturbate (hint: sex) is like a trip down the self-hating, socially awkward, sexually misguided locker room years of early adolescence! Anyway, to that end, Cosmo's cover lines are great, but they do not do justice to the succulent fruit inside. Graphic design guru/Jezebel intern Cheryl Campbell and I update the cover lines, after the jump. More »
ask a flawed specimen of humanity
My Cosmo Advice: Why "Ask Him" When You Can Ask Me?
Cosmo has a (seemingly new) advice column on its website called "Ask Him Anything", and though it may come as a shock to some, we kind of expected better from the ingenious magazine that brought us the cover line "Dirty Sexy Sex". But that's okay, because we were feeling service-y today and decided to re-answer some questions ourselves, starting with Should I Say Something About My Fears?:The guy I'm seeing is incredibly well-endowed. I'm really nervous about sleeping with him; I'm afraid it will hurt. Should I say something about my fears?More »
signature psychoses
Cosmo Girl Rihanna: "Solitary & Self-Involved"
Grammy-winner Rihanna is the March Cosmopolitan cover girl! Unfortunately, she shares the space with a huge pink VA-JAY-JAY. Poor thing. Her parents probably won't want to frame that. Anyway, the singer filled out the "Cosmo Quiz," writing that, if she wasn't a singer she'd love to be a pilot, and that her purse is filled with "a bunch of unnecessary shit." Just like us! But we wanted to delve deeper, so we sent her handwriting to graphology expert Sheila Kurtz, who determined that the 19-year-old (born Robyn Rihanna Fenty in Barbados) can be "solitary and self-involved" but also "outgoing" and "detail-oriented." More expert analysis, after the jump. More »
rag trade
Marc Jacobs: Blue Hair Is Not As Bad As A Bribery Scandal
- Poor Marc Jacobs. First the world calls him crazy, now he's caught up in a bribery scandal. Turns out that the superintendent of NYC's 69th Regiment Armory, where Jacobs' shows are held each season, demanded little cash prezzies upwards of $30,000 from Marc et al in order for him to grant them permission to show there. KCD, the PR firm that handles Marc Jacobs, is allegedly responsible for making the pay-offs. [WWD]
- Meanwhile, Marc has invited K-Fed to sit front row at his show tomorrow night! [WWD, 2nd item]
- Happy Birthday, Horrible Hagyness. [WWD, 5th item]
- Fashion Week is bad for Chloe Sevigny's self-esteem, "Fashion week makes me feel very self-critical. Like I'm not wearing the right thing or looking the right way. It's stressful." [WWD, 9th item]
rag trade
Chloe Sevigny Designs Luggage, Mocks Fashion
- Is there anything Chloe Sevigny can't do? Playing a polygamist's wife, designing a clothing line for Opening Ceremony, acting as style adviser to British ELLE, and now, designing hand-crafted steamer trunks for Samsonite. [WWD, sub req'd]
- Sevigny reportedly laughed loudly and openly at last night's Miss Sixty show. From the front row, no less! [NY Mag]
- Several models were burned by faulty lighting used during a shoot for Marc Bouwer last week. Says a rep for Bouwer, "No one knew the lamp was giving off that much heat until the shoot ended. If they had known, they would have stopped right away." [Page Six]
- Fashion victim! A Cosmopolitan fashion editor is suing a slew of people, including Diane von Furstenberg, following the 2005 incident in which she was injured by falling lights from the fashion runway. [UPI]
cover lies
45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo
If there's one thing we've learned in doing this blog, it's that you can't judge a ladymag by its cover. A cover touting a new diet tip can lead you to a story about a woman battling heart disease (True Story!) and we are pretty sure all those big numbers come from a fortune cookie, because we've never been able to fact-check them. After the jump, loyal Jezebelles Maria and Cheryl actually read Cosmo — haven't you always wanted to know how to use the power of body language to seem like a more understanding best friend? — and redesign the cover to more accurately reflect what's inside. More »
nosplice:7
Decoding Cosmo Cover Girl Katie Heigl: "She Refuses To Waste Time With Convoluted Crap"
Katherine Heigl didn't seem to take the "Cosmo Quiz" — the written Q&A actresses are forced to take to qualify as a Cosmopolitan cover subject — very seriously. For most of the questions, such as "I think it's sexy when a guy..." and, "My favorite male co-star has been..." she circled all five multiple choice options the magazine's editors provided. Um, did they not teach you the difference between superior and superlative in America's Sweetheart preparatory academy, Katie? Or is it just because you don't take many things that seriously at all? (Here's Katie regarding her dis on Isiah Washington: "You can't give me too much credit for being brave. I was just a girl who had had a couple of drinks and was angry and got mouthy. I really did think if would fuck me.") We'll leave the handwriting-shrinking to our inimitable penmanship analyst Sheila Kurtz, who sees a great many admirable qualities — and perhaps a few stray self-destructive ones? — in Katie's answers to such questions as "I am sometimes mistaken for..." (A: "myself...that's awkward"!) More »
This is the teaser from the latest issue of Cosmo's "Red Hot Read," an excerpt from the book Strong & Sexy by Jill Shalvis. (page 214). I'm just trying to figure out how you could make this sentence even more hot. Maybe if you added the phrase "Skinny Cow"? Or if, instead, the ice cream dripped down into the crevice between his penis and the scrunchie she'd tied around it?
maghag
