Okay ladies, I have news for you. If the best way you have to communicate romantic interest with your current boyfriend is by yanking out his wang when he least expects it and then flapping it all over your face, you need to rethink the relatuionship, because your current boyfriend is either dead, gay or a dead gay*.
*The last applicable chiefly to the cast of "Twilight."
I read this post as I was inflating a stability ball with a hand pump. it occurs to me that it's only a matter of time before Cosmo does a feature on how you can improve your handjob skills by inflating exercise balls. let me tell you, I've learned to use the big muscles before engaging the small muscles. I'll let you know how it goes next time this pumping technique is needed. #cosmodecember09coverlies
I love these articles. They're always good for a good belly laugh. Men are talked about like we're some sort of monolithic block. Like we all like the same things done by the same kind of women. What complete and utter bullshit. #cosmodecember09coverlies
@Misiula: Exactly. These magazines put forward a simplistic image of the opposite sex because it makes their jobs easier. Otherwise they'd have to write articles with depth and thought. That's way too much to ask. #cosmodecember09coverlies
@token_illiterate_commenter: my favorite part of all of this is that at cosmo it's women just randomly making shit up about what they think guys like (he'll go crazy when you nibble him during fellatio!), and at men's health it's a bunch of guys making shit up about what women want (ram her hard!). #cosmodecember09coverlies
@token_illiterate_commenter: Dude, you take this line of comment any further, and I'm afraid the next Manly-Man Meeting won't go very well for you. Always plenty of applicants queued up for an open space, you know. #cosmodecember09coverlies
I think it would be hard to maintain eye contact if you are rubbing his member on all over your face. Methinks someone at Cosmo needs a lesson in human anatomy. #cosmodecember09coverlies
@funzette: I always figured most male acquaintances awkwardly hugged women in a poor attempt to feel them up. The more you know! :::rainbow::: #cosmodecember09coverlies
@funzette: Wow, when you describe these, they sound all weird and non-consenual! Rapey, even. It reminds me of how I often have to love on my cats, in a nonconsensual way--I call it "forceful love externally applied." #cosmodecember09coverlies
I am going to practice my sneaking up on men and grabbing their penises technique tonight on my way home. Wish me luck, ladies! #cosmodecember09coverlies
Now I'm watching the section of "Spin the Bottle" about how alcohol is used by women to resolve the virgin/whore dichotomy pressures. Has some of that same cute guy talking who did Tough Guise, too. You guys keep posting about what I'm watching at the moment. #cosmodecember09coverlies
@GreyEminence: In next month's Cosmo, guest columnist Jerri Blank will teach readers how to stay "moist as a snack cake down there." #cosmodecember09coverlies
Grab my dick while I'm on the phone and my sexy response will be "What the fuck are you doing??? I'm on the fucking phone!!!" #cosmodecember09coverlies
Fergie, that Madonna-whore complex thing isn't just Italy. It's pretty much all of western society for the past 1500 years or so. There are books written about it and everything. #cosmodecember09coverlies
11/11/09
*The last applicable chiefly to the cast of "Twilight."
11/10/09
Drink Your Way to Buns of Steel
Why Black is the New Black and Shoes Are the New Jesus
Yes, You Can Spend the Month's Rent on Two Items of Underwear!
Feeling Like a Fat Fucking Pig? New Fruit Drinks You'll Hate!
A Dirty Sanchez He'll Always Remember!
Liz Cheney Gets Down and Dirty
Your Uncle Totally Wanted You!
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1. The Big Bear Hug: Sorry ladies, he prefers hairy barrel-shaped men!
2. The Side Arm Half Hug: To get this douche more often, douche more often - He's worried about germs down THERE
3. Spoon Hug: He's practicing for later tonight, when you make love in a new and exciting place: up the butt! #cosmodecember09coverlies
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