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The September issues of women's magazines are historically the thickest and most anticipated of the year, filled with a particularly frenzied orgy of materialism. WWD has the scoop on the covergirls for those issues, which will hit newsstands in late August. Keira Knightley will grace the cover of Vogue for the second time in under two years — the fourth time in total — even though her last cover from June '07 (pictured) didn't sell well. Glamour has Penélope Cruz, W is featuring Kate Hudson, In Style will highlight Uma Thurman, Allure has Carrie Underwood, Teen Vogue has Vanessa Hudgens, Elle has Jessica Simpson, and finally, Cosmo will show Blake Lively. (The teen queen's presence in Cosmo confirms our suspicion that the magazine is not actually geared towards grown women). [WWD, sub. req.]
The Week That Was
Photoshop Of Horrors
This item about Scarlett Johansson on the cover of Cosmo focuses on her waist. Specifically: The waist the magazine's art department whittled for her. Is ScarJo curvy? Yes! Does she have, as seen here, a waist that is only a smidge wider than her neck? No. And we know this because M. LeBlanc at Bitch Ph.D. did the research. When seen "in the wild," Scarlett's midsection is that of a normal, fit human being. It's only on the cover of Cosmo that she takes on the dimensions of Betty Boop. Oh, and, as commenter TheGarlicSong pointed out, on this cover, her left arm is smaller and shorter than her right arm. WTF. (Click to enlarge.) [Bitch Ph.D.]
Mag Hag UK
One of the coolest things about being a blogger loosely connected to pop culture in a foreign country is that you don't feel bad not recognizing the faces on the covers of the women's magazines. Case in point: Denise Van Outen. Apparently she is renowned for flashing her boobs at Prince Charles, stealing an ashtray from Buckhingham Palace and dating someone named Jay Kay in the nineties. Like in Cosmo America they make her fill out a questionnaire filled with questions such as "The one thing I know about men that I wish I knew ten years ago is…" and her answer, "You have to let them think they came up with the idea," is pretty decent. Also, she advocates dating dudes in their twenties because that's when "all the good ones" get snatched up and weighs in on what is apparently a white-hot topic in Britain right now, WAGs. (Wives And Girlfriends of footballers, but you knew that, even if I had to actually Wikipedia it to make sure.) "It's all too easy to attack WAGs for being gold-diggers but, believe me, there are plenty of men who need that type of girl because it makes them feel happy." Reading Cosmo UK is to reading Cosmo America as eating a Chipotle burrito is to eating a pack of Bugles, which is neatly displayed in a reader letter you can see if you click the headline.
cover lies
cover lies
signature psychoses
tweenage wasteland
The Cosmos
"10 Questions You Can't Ask Anyone" was the tantalizing Cosmo Girl!cover line that won our hard-earned $3.49 this month. The touted story is a Nancy Redd advice column that addresses the usual array of teen "ick!" topics — stretch marks, itchy asses, third nipples. (One in 20 women have one!) But then there was this one, uh, unexpected question that for some reason doesn't seem made up. (Click the pic to see.)
the cosmos
Men are... immeasurably interested in acquiring fixed ideas of God, of the soul, and of their common duties to their Creator and to their fellow men. This is, then, the subject on which it is most important for each of us to entertain fixed ideas; and, unhappily, it is also the subject on which it is most difficult for each of us, left to himself, to settle his opinions by the sole force of his reason.So observed Alexis De Tocqueville in his seminal Democracy In America, whose 23rd chapter makes a worthy companion to a story on page 128 of the May Cosmo Girl! Because... like, how times change! Some modern teens have totally conquered the age-old need for a "fixed" higher power idea. The story begins by posing the radical question: "What if going to church were like going to Starbucks?" Um, and they were required by law to display the caloric content of the communion wafers? No, silly! "You wouldn't get just a plain coffee: You could get a shot of Catholicism, a sprinkle of Buddhism, a pinch of Hindu teachings — or whatever else you're in the mood for that day."
the week that was
cover lies
hells bells
After writing cover lines that boasted "sexy sex" and "erotic sex", perhaps Cosmo realized it needed a little help in the header department and so asked its readers to mock up Cosmo covers of their own. And...wow. Just, wow. Cover line highlights include: "real life heroin: women who have been to hell and back," "Your va-jay-jay" and "The new look involving hats." [Cosmopolitan]
signature psychoses
Even though Hayden Panettiere turned 18 last August, we're wondering, is the Heroes starlet a teenager or an adult? We ask only because Hayden is on the cover of three different Hearst girly magazines for April 2008: There's Cosmopolitan ("Fun • Fearless • Female"), which, according to demographics, has a medium reader age of 31.5. But Hayden is also on the cover of Seventeen ("It's Fun To Be Seventeen" — median reader age, 16.5), and that magazine's seasonal spin-off, Seventeen Prom (median age, um, Jessica McClintock?). Are we supposed to believe that both high school sophomores and career women in their thirties want to buy into what Hayden — and Hearst — is selling?* After the jump, we take a closer look at the differences in how Hayden is presented to the ladymag-loving public.
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