Smile and close your eyes and think of England or the color you’re going to paint your ceiling when you get home.”

Anyway, all this — combined with the story of the massive shit that Merrill Lynch guy took in response to his "shitty" bonus and this one time my old boss hired a male stripper for one of our editors' birthdays, combined with another story on how more people than ever are sleeping at work ot me thinking…Damn. Working on my couch is like…pretty boring, you know? (And: hot.) I need to live vicariously through someone at an office. But who? Maybe you guys know someone…

Survival Tips From The Top [WSJ]
With Karaoke, A Deal In China For A Song
Turd War: Can Thain Contain Civil War At Merrill? [Dealbreaker]
Sleeping At Work — More Of Us Are Doing It [CNN]
Uh-Oh, Here Come The Tears [WSJ]

If you're overweight, you should probably put aside some of your work, accept that you won't be performing as well at the office, and manage your image more closely by going to the gym. That's right — get rid of that perfectionist streak, do a little less work, and use that time to make yourself look better. People will perceive that you're doing better work anyway...Here's something else: Dress like you care. Building a strong brand for yourself is the only way to create a stable career in today's workplace. You'll change jobs often, and what influences your ability to get new jobs most is the image you convey.

Before I took this job I was unemployed and trying to write a book about this phenomenon tentatively titled The Nothing-Based Economy. Because the reason nothing besides image, perception and toned obliques matters anymore is that this country has outsourced and/or automated and/or just totally given up on just about every other skill/function working people are supposed to exhibit beyond the careful cultivation of "brand," which is to say the creation of demand, for oneself and whatever it is one is trying to sell, which is to say nothing. Anyway, I worked pretty hard on it though I spent a fair amount of time moping around and downloading iTunes from the early nineties as well, but it was all pretty much an exercise in futility because, duh, it's not like I had a brand or anything.

And yeah, it is depressing. Maybe you should go for a career-boosting run? Or grab a beer, stay right the fuck here and take your paltry solace in the commenter-raderie because, really, would having an awesome "career" would be any more fulfilling?

Being Thin Is The Key To All Things [Yahoo! Finance]