Finally: The Girl Scout Cookie Finding App of Your Dreams

In the old days, childless adults who wanted to get their Thin Mint on would have to seek out Girl Scout Cookies the ancient way: by approaching strange children on the street and asking them if they had any cookies, or by hanging out near elementary schools after the closing bell rang in hopes that one of the little… » 2/24/14 6:20pm 2/24/14 6:20pm

A Bunch of Pro-Lifers Are Trying to Boycott Girl Scout Cookies

Pro-lifers are mad that maybe, possibly, someone at the Girl Scouts of the USA could've conceivably obliquely hinted that Wendy Davis isn't literally Satan. Consequently, a Texas pro-life group is attempting to rally the pitchforks for a boycott of Girl Scout cookies. Attempting to punish a bunch of 10-year-olds over… » 1/30/14 6:00pm 1/30/14 6:00pm

These Cookie Stand Entrepreneurs Are the Most San Francisco Kids Ever

These two girls in the upscale Noe Valley neighborhood of San Francisco are lightyears ahead of America's unenlightened children, who toil over crappy lemonade stands, mixing Country Time powder into a vat of lukewarm water with vague ambition for future riches. For starters, they've already figured out how to prey on… » 1/05/14 3:30pm 1/05/14 3:30pm

Pastor's Epic Rant: Girl Scout Cookies Turn The Children Into Lesbians

In addition to promoting team building, life skill acquiring, and adorable little girls in adorable matching uniforms photo ops, the Girl Scouts of America have long had a much more insidious agenda: promoting lesbianism. At least, if you ask a right-wing pastor who went on an epic, hilariously whackadoodle rant… » 10/22/13 12:40pm 10/22/13 12:40pm

The New Girl Scout Cookie Has Some Wack-Ass Vitamins in It

The above little fancy pastry pushers will be hounding you later this month with their addictive Tagalongs, their ooey, gooey Samoas, and their sweet, sweet Thin Mints. Nobody is immune to these charms of these cookies — not even unattractive terrible person Ryan Gosling. » 1/15/13 9:30am 1/15/13 9:30am

Kindness Cyborg Ryan Gosling Handed Out Girl Scout Cookies to…

Do you ever get the sense that Ryan Gosling's publicist is laying it on a little thick? He saves women from speeding cars, breaks up fights, arm wrestles sadness, and distributes boxes of assorted puppies to needy single people. Or so the rumors go. He also, as he explained to a smitten Jimmy Kimmel, bought a random… » 1/10/13 8:00pm 1/10/13 8:00pm

Taste Test: I Took a Candy Corn Oreo and Put It in My Mouth

» 9/12/12 4:50pm 9/12/12 4:50pm

Maybe you've heard dark whispers of the Candy Corn Oreo. It's a "limited edition" seasonal Oreo only available at Target—an Oreo cookie, see, but it tastes like a candy corn. Because god knows, there's nothing the people crave more than fucking candy corn! I know my family and friends can't shut UP about how much they … » 9/12/12 4:50pm 9/12/12 4:50pm

The President Has Officially Endorsed His Favorite Girl Scout Cookie

Everybody needs to immediately stop everything that they're doing and listen to this important bulletin: the President of North America's Enormous Mosaic Belt Buckle Barack Obama has finally endorsed a Girl Scout cookie as the official cookie of his administration. Okay, maybe it's not the official cookie, but it's… » 7/16/12 10:25pm 7/16/12 10:25pm

Michelle Obama and Ann Romney Duke It Out Over Who Has the Better…

Their husbands may be going to head-to-head in a battle for control of the free world, but Ann Romney and Michelle Obama are right now locked in a heated fight of their own…the battle for cookie recipe supremacy. Oh Christ, are you serious? Yes, yes, it's that special time when the First Lady and her rival are forced… » 6/27/12 11:55pm 6/27/12 11:55pm

Girl Scout Cookie Candy Bars Are Really Happening, People

It's not often that all of your dreams come true in a single moment, but that is exactly what is about to happen because—are you ready for this?—Girl Scout Cookie Candy Bars are now an actual thing that you can eat with your mouth. We previously drooled when this photo of a thin mint candy bar leaked, yet we could not… » 5/09/12 9:30am 5/09/12 9:30am

Texas Girl Scout Toughs Fail to Stop Cookie Cash Box Bandit

Houston-area girl scouts showed that they hadn't yet earned merit badges in street justice after they let a man who'd grabbed a cash box stuffed with $200 of their cookie money slip through their tiny little fingers. The incident left one of the girls injured when she tried to stop a getaway car from leaving the scene. » 3/04/12 12:30pm 3/04/12 12:30pm

Kids Are Eating Sugar Like It's Going Out of Style (Which It Is)

There has been a lot of fretting lately about just how much sugar we're all consuming, but we are particularly freaked out about what our kids are eating. Well, now it turns out we're right to worry because they are eating a shit-ton of sugar every day. Why? Well, for the same reason we grown-ups do: because having… » 3/01/12 2:00pm 3/01/12 2:00pm