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Oreo Thins Promote Unrealistic Standards for Oreos

Oreo is debuting a thinner Oreo. It has a good chunk of the filling squeezed out, and a much more slender, crispier cookie aspect. The new, skinny Oreo! blare a thousand headlines. But why are we shaming ordinary, beautiful, perfectly delicious Oreos? We’re so serious about this. This is a serious post. Please share… » 7/06/15 6:10pm 7/06/15 6:10pm

Holy Shit, They Make Thin Mint Ice Cream Bars Now and We Can Buy Them

I worked hard, I tried to be a good person, I mostly failed, but the good Lord has chosen to reward me nonetheless: you can now buy a Thin Mint-flavored ice cream bar. It is available everywhere Good Humor products are sold, or it will be until I buy them all. Jesus Christ. This is the best fucking day of my life.… » 4/10/15 12:30pm 4/10/15 12:30pm

Girl Scouts to Release New Cookie Flavors, Blow Your Goddamned Mind

The Girl Scouts are coming and this year, they are going to fuck up everything about your life with three new cookie flavors—two of which are gluten-free. Paging Phyllis Neffler, how many boxes will you be selling this year? More importantly, how many boxes can I eat without incurring diabetes? Because, let me be real… » 1/05/15 3:20pm 1/05/15 3:20pm

Behold the Girl Scout Cookie World Cup

The Girl Scouts of the USA have made a little video featuring a team of Thin Mints playing soccer against a team of Samoas. Predictably, it's adorable. Unpredictably, the video features a cameo by a bloodthirsty cookie they're calling Luis "Samoa" Suarez, after the recently-suspended Uruguayan player with a habit of… » 6/27/14 6:30pm 6/27/14 6:30pm

Finally: The Girl Scout Cookie Finding App of Your Dreams

In the old days, childless adults who wanted to get their Thin Mint on would have to seek out Girl Scout Cookies the ancient way: by approaching strange children on the street and asking them if they had any cookies, or by hanging out near elementary schools after the closing bell rang in hopes that one of the little… » 2/24/14 6:20pm 2/24/14 6:20pm

A Bunch of Pro-Lifers Are Trying to Boycott Girl Scout Cookies

Pro-lifers are mad that maybe, possibly, someone at the Girl Scouts of the USA could've conceivably obliquely hinted that Wendy Davis isn't literally Satan. Consequently, a Texas pro-life group is attempting to rally the pitchforks for a boycott of Girl Scout cookies. Attempting to punish a bunch of 10-year-olds over… » 1/30/14 6:00pm 1/30/14 6:00pm

These Cookie Stand Entrepreneurs Are the Most San Francisco Kids Ever

These two girls in the upscale Noe Valley neighborhood of San Francisco are lightyears ahead of America's unenlightened children, who toil over crappy lemonade stands, mixing Country Time powder into a vat of lukewarm water with vague ambition for future riches. For starters, they've already figured out how to prey… » 1/05/14 3:30pm 1/05/14 3:30pm

Pastor's Epic Rant: Girl Scout Cookies Turn The Children Into Lesbians

In addition to promoting team building, life skill acquiring, and adorable little girls in adorable matching uniforms photo ops, the Girl Scouts of America have long had a much more insidious agenda: promoting lesbianism. At least, if you ask a right-wing pastor who went on an epic, hilariously whackadoodle rant… » 10/22/13 12:40pm 10/22/13 12:40pm

Kindness Cyborg Ryan Gosling Handed Out Girl Scout Cookies to Delighted…

Do you ever get the sense that Ryan Gosling's publicist is laying it on a little thick? He saves women from speeding cars, breaks up fights, arm wrestles sadness, and distributes boxes of assorted puppies to needy single people. Or so the rumors go. He also, as he explained to a smitten Jimmy Kimmel, bought a random… » 1/10/13 8:00pm 1/10/13 8:00pm

Taste Test: I Took a Candy Corn Oreo and Put It in My Mouth

Maybe you've heard dark whispers of the Candy Corn Oreo. It's a "limited edition" seasonal Oreo only available at Target—an Oreo cookie, see, but it tastes like a candy corn. Because god knows, there's nothing the people crave more than fucking candy corn! I know my family and friends can't shut UP about how much… » 9/12/12 4:50pm 9/12/12 4:50pm