A Bunch of Pro-Lifers Are Trying to Boycott Girl Scout Cookies

Pro-lifers are mad that maybe, possibly, someone at the Girl Scouts of the USA could've conceivably obliquely hinted that Wendy Davis isn't literally Satan. Consequently, a Texas pro-life group is attempting to rally the pitchforks for a boycott of Girl Scout cookies. Attempting to punish a bunch of 10-year-olds over… » 1/30/14 6:00pm 1/30/14 6:00pm

Happy 'Conservative Dudes Shit On Your Rights Day,' Ladies!

» 1/15/14 2:10pm 1/15/14 2:10pm

To be completely fair, every day is Conservative Dudes Shit On Your Rights Day if you look at things from the right (pun intended) angle. But even in the current anti-letting women mind their own bodies climate, today was special. Isn't it nice to know that some old guys in Washington who you'll never meet care so… » 1/15/14 2:10pm 1/15/14 2:10pm

Women Forced To View Their Ultrasounds Will Have Abortions Anyway

A massive new study has disproved the common conservative notion that women who want abortions are idiots who don't know what a pregnancy is; even after looking at ultrasounds, more than 98% of them went ahead with the procedure. And the ones who did change their minds were among a tiny sliver of abortion-seeking women … » 1/09/14 3:15pm 1/09/14 3:15pm

Glenn Beck Threatens to Put All Your Most Hated People In One Room

Ever wondered what hanging out in Hell would feel like? Then, boy, do I have good news for you! Glistening tear biscuit Glenn Beck has recently teased that he is organizing a conservative summit that might include the likes of Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity. All under one roof! Oh, and the chairs will be… » 12/18/13 3:30pm 12/18/13 3:30pm

Women Will Vote For You If You Appeal To Their Emotions, Says Man

With all this hullabaloo about conservatives taking classes about how to talk to female candidates for political office (lesson 1 is just a picture of a woman in a power suit with an arrow to her that reads PERSON, followed by a pop quiz where men frown and squint and fill in the same chart, this time with the word… » 12/10/13 3:40pm 12/10/13 3:40pm

Republicans Offer Class on How to Talk to Women Without Being a Dick

The GOP has more problems than a math book with a distant father, but the problem that stings the worst, electorally speaking, is its problem with women. Now, party leaders are doing something about one aspect of that problem, designed especially with the hapless male conservative in mind: sensitivity training. I'm… » 12/05/13 4:30pm 12/05/13 4:30pm

Texas Conservative Students Plan Awful 'Catch Illegal Immigrants' Game

Everyone's favorite chapter of Young Conservatives of Texas is back with another shitty publicity stunt meant to foster dialogue about the issues at the University of Texas in Austin. After they hit the scene with their Affirmative Action Bake Sale (copied from the College Republicans of UC Berkeley) where they sold… » 11/18/13 3:50pm 11/18/13 3:50pm

Poll: GOP Men Don't Think We Need Any More Ladies In Government

Fetch the smelling salts, I'm about to pass out from shock — a new poll reveals that there is a big gap in attitudes between liberals and conservatives when it comes to the role women should play in the government. And— surprise of surprises — the group with the least forward-thinking view of all is conservative men. » 10/29/13 5:15pm 10/29/13 5:15pm

Government Will Stay Closed For As Long As It Takes to Eradicate Sluts

Now that the government shutdown is in what feels like it elevendieth week, everything seems too stupid to be real, and here's a perfect example of why: the GOP's continued insistence that the United States government remain in stinky, stale deadlock until liberals agree to allow business owners to bar the sluts who… » 10/15/13 7:20pm 10/15/13 7:20pm

Michele Bachmann Outcrazies Herself In Bizarre 'End Times' Interview

» 10/08/13 12:40pm 10/08/13 12:40pm

Minnesota Congresswoman and firebrand head of the Congressional Whackadoodle Caucus went on the radio this weekend to talk about, I don't know, what she normally talks about I guess? Word barf that reads like Tea Party Magnetic poetry in a blender? But what she ended up talking about — in an excited, unsettlingly… » 10/08/13 12:40pm 10/08/13 12:40pm

Swearing Ladies Are Ruining America, and More Dumb Shit Scalia Says

We all knew that Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia is a testicularly prolific, Judge Judy-level sassy Constitutional originalist who probably turns his chair around backward before he sits in it because he doesn't follow anyone's rules* (*Except the Founding Fathers, and he's a real nerd about it). But in an… » 10/07/13 2:30pm 10/07/13 2:30pm

The Heritage Foundation's Pinterest Account Is Definitely Drunk

While I disagree ideologically with almost everything the Heritage Foundation stands for, it's refreshing to see that we both agree with the old adage that she who Pinterests drunkest, Pinterests best. Great example of Pinteresting drunk: the Heritage Foundation's 'Surprise Criminals' board. It makes no sense. It has… » 10/03/13 6:20pm 10/03/13 6:20pm

Having a Single Mom Is Worse Than Not Being Able to Vote, Says Dumbass

Maybe it's unfair to call George Will a dumbass; he gives off the vibe that his Soduku skills are nothing to sneeze at and he's probably got a photographic memory for the complex requirements of toupee care (because George Will's scalp cozy looks like it's been pampered like a 24 year old mistress). However, he did say … » 8/26/13 1:20pm 8/26/13 1:20pm