[Simi Valley, July 14. Image via Getty]

SIMI VALLEY, CA - JULY 14: Former U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (L) and former first lady of the United States Nancy Reagan walk together after Rice spoke at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library July 14, 2009 in Simi Valley, California. Rice served as the 66th U.S. Secretary of State under the George W. Bush presidential administration from 2005 to 2009. She is currently the Thomas and Barbara Stephenson Senior Fellow on Public Policy at the Hoover Institution and professor of political science at Stanford University. (Photo by David McNew/Getty Images)

MEGAN: In continuing my streak this week of mornings completely sucking, the power company has informed me that I will be paying for power oday but not receiving any, so I am writing you from a very loud coffee shop where children are welcome. And, apparently, caffeinated! And you thought I wanted to die when I didn't know where my car was.

SPENCER: This week has really shaped up into your own personal stations of the cross, hasn't it? What happened with your car?

MEGAN: It was towed. Since New York City can't make me pay taxes and revenues are down, they're towing fucking everything now. They didn't take my knee high boots, though, and, apparently, they enjoyed the sound of my alarm for quite a while. I plan on wearing the boots in celebration.

SPENCER: Did you get it back from the impound lot or take the bus home?

MEGAN: (At this moment, in violation of this coffee house's ban on cell phone conversations, the man behind me is conducting one. Fucking kill me). Oh, no, I got it out of hock, after 10 days they would sell it!

SPENCER: Aee, this is why YOU SHOULD NEVER TALK ON THE PHONE. Only text-based communications are welcome. Never use your phone for voice communication

MEGAN: Anyway, if we're going to relate this to politics, can we call the rumors of Hillary as Secretary of State a big game of D.C. telephone?

SPENCER: And here's the tragedy. HRC will never be Obama's SecState — just ludicrous to consider, what with the backbiting and undermining, completely alien to Obama's management style thus far. HOWEVER. HRC has all the skills necessary to be a good secretary, even a great one: she has a massive international stature, she's fluent in the details of strategy and the larger picture, she knows how to be persuasive and she learned about management — what works & what doesn't — in the WH. But if you were HRC, would you rather:

• a) spend a couple years in an Obama administration, where you probably will clash with your boss, and that will lead him to fire you, or
• b) have the chance to pass the Clinton-Baucus Health Care Act of 2009, fulfilling a lifelong dream of improving people's lives in this country, and going on to spend your remaining years as a Senate baron?

MEGAN: I'm thinking Clinton should hitch her star to the Kennedy bill, because Baucus didn't make any friends pulling that shit this week. What is the Senate Finance Committee chair doing issuing a health care reform package without any input from the Health Committee chair? Nonetheless, yes, that is the real question: does she want to take full advantage of the Senatorial Retirement Home, or do something exciting and really change some shit. Because State is way overdo for some structural reforms, and this might well be one of the more exciting times to be Secretary of State, given where Obama wants to take our foreign policy.

SPENCER: Well, I don't understand the politics of health care, I have Ezra Klein for that. I'm just making a general point about what she can accomplish in the Senate.

MEGAN: Also, she's reportedly in Chicago. No, I understand that, it was just mostly a way for me to point out what Baucus is doing, besides issuing a health care plan that's in opposition to many of the principles of Obama's, which is legitmately at this point mostly Clinton's from the primaries.

SPENCER: Whoa whoa whoa. Structural changes at State? Never happen. That was one of Condoleezza Rice's many attempts at doing something that failed. It would be nice if the Department bred, say, a more expeditionary Foreign Service culture, allowing diplomats to better partner with soldiers & marines in counterinsurgency, but when Rice proposed sending more diplos to Iraq last year there was practically a riot. HRC doesn't want that headache.

MEGAN: Well, but that's not a structural reform from the bottom up — and I'm not saying HRC would want to take it on — but the system right now is a jury-rigged system of outdated written test-taking and competitive (argumentative) non-interviews that aren't really reflective of the modern world or modern career paths. But, speaking of Condi... You had some stuff to say about her.

SPENCER: Yeah, I want to push back against any premature Rice-rehabilitation. She has not a single achievement to her name. It's crazy that she's so esteemed in Washington. She didn't do shit, except enable the worst foreign-policy presidency of all time and serve as the worst national-security adviser in history. She even comes across as a fool and a knave in the new Woodward book about the surge.

MEGAN: Well, in her defense, she was honored at Glamour's Woman of the Year awards for her contributions to microfinance grants for women in developing countries and her efforts to get rape made a war crime at the UN. I'm not saying it balances out — like, at all — but she did do some small important things.

SPENCER: I can't wait until a document called NSPD-9 gets declassified, so we can see for all time that she lied to the 9/11 Commission and tried to destroy Richard Clarke's character for his crime of pointing out how she dithered while al-Qaeda got ready to attack.

MEGAN: Ugh, yeah, that would be the stuff that doesn't balance out. She does appear to have been the biggest Bush cheerleader as opposed to pushing back when it was likely her job to do so. But there are women to admire, like Tammy Duckworth, who one can arguably say has suffered for Rice's missteps and might join the Obama administration as the head of the VA.

SPENCER: That would be great. I love Tammy Duckworth and wish she had won her House seat in '06. Much like it sent a signal to Vietnam vets for Reagan to put Chuck Hagel at the VA (I think he was deputy first), so too should Obama put Duckworth in charge of his VA. She's allegedly the only competent, non-corrupt member of Blago... Blagojev... whatever the name of the Illinois governor is, she's his VA secretary and is killing it. Also she skipped the line ahead of me flying out of Denver after the Democratic convention and I didn't mind. Speaking of flying, I have to go to New Orleans but should we say something about Bill Ayers on GMA.

MEGAN: I mean, I kind of wish he'd opened his yap a little earlier because he seems so un-terroristy that it would've stopped people in their tracks, maybe.

SPENCER: Did you notice how on-message and clear he was? I don't know who the douche interviewer was, but he kept trying to get Ayers to concede that there was something shadowy to concede, and Ayers wouldn't. Also, journalists: never start a question with "surely..." because it invites your interview subject to dismiss your premise.

MEGAN: That is some good advice. My advice: avoid hurricanes at all cost and if someone wants to see your tits, tell them you paid too much for them to let someone see 'em for 10 cent beads.

SPENCER: Some spider or something bit me right next above my left nipple so I don't think I'm going to flash my tits this weekend. Anyway, may your week of disaster come to a close and I'll find a red wine you like in New Orleans. Also expect drunk photos from either myself or travel companion Calderone.

MEGAN: I am greatly looking forward to those! But you should probably tell your girlfriend to stop biting your nipples so hard.

SPENCER: Honestly it's some kind of bug.

MEGAN: I don't really need to know about your role-playing sex games.

SPENCER: Oh but really quick self-promotion: You want a strong woman at the helm of Obama's foreign policy? Meet Susan Rice. And check out this quote Princeton's Ann-Marie Slaughter gave me:

Slaughter added that Rice’s potential ascendancy represented a milestone in gender equity for the foreign-policy community. “It is very important to women in foreign policy that Susan is not married to her job,” Slaughter said. “She has a great husband and two young kids, and she managed to balance it. After Madeleine Albright, whose kids were grown, and Condi Rice, who does not have a family, that’s a very important message to send. After all, most men in foreign policy manage to have families, too.”

That was my kicker in the piece and now I'm out.

MEGAN: I've heard from a number of people about her awesomeness, actually, so here's hoping her participation in the Obama Administration doesn't end with the end of his transition team. Be safe!

• When John McCain was asked to comment on Jerome Corsi's work of Obama-hating fiction, McCain told the reporter, "gotta keep your sense of humor." This caused an uproar, so McCain's spokeswoman said he never heard the question. So he's either politically tone deaf or going deaf? Good save. [CNN]
• It's probably because the campaign has more important things to deal with, like convincing right-to-lifers that McCain would, like, totally not pick a pro-choice VP even though he said he would. Pick one! Maybe then they really will stay home. [Politico]
• McCain defended his love of ABBA today by saying his taste in music was stuck back in the sixties when he got shot down. Unfortunately, it turns out ABBA started recording in the seventies. Was this part of the torture technique of the North Vietnamese? [CNN, Attackerman]

• Condi Rice is in the other Georgia, getting them to sign a cease-fire as the Russians continue running around shooting at stuff. [NY Times]
• The Pentagon is making sure troops overseas get absentee ballots for this election. They're doing their part — even though way more deployed troops are donating to Obama than McCain. Are you doing yours to make sure you can vote in November? [CNN, Attackerman]
• And in what might be the strangest news of the day, the conservative Heritage Foundation has admitted that Obama's tax plan will save middle class voters more money than McCain's. They tied themselves up in knots trying to make that sound like a bad thing, but they couldn't quite manage. Watch out for the Four Horsemen this weekend — this is definitely a sign of something. [NY Sun]

• Nancy Pelosi said aloud today what everyone knows implicitly and no one ever acknowledges: when the right-wingers talk about "San Francisco values," they're condemning San Franciscans for not spitting on the LGBT community with a wink and a nod. Tolerance is so for liberals. [HuffPo]
• Speaking of the intolerance of the right, an inspector general's report has unsurprisingly concluded that Monica Goodling and Kyle Sampson inappropriately used political considerations when hiring at the Justice Department. Goodling asked interviewees what they liked most about Bush, what their stances on abortion were and, in one case, refused to renew a prosecutor's appointment believing him to be gay or at least, very metrosexual. Hey, it was 2006, that phrase was still acceptable! [Washington Post]

• Not to dwell on Bushies, but, um, one of them called the Iraq War "fucking stupid." He helped design a counterinsurgency strategy that relied on more than boots on the ground that we've partially ignored, but he is an Aussie after all. That accent doesn't translate well into "Texan." [Washington Independent]
• What translates a little easier is a McCain adviser promising conservatives that McCain won't really push a greenhouse gas plan because candidates always promise stuff they won't deliver on. Here's hoping he says that about McCain, oh, another couple of hundred times between now and November. [Think Progress]
• Hillary Clinton's totally hitting the trail for Obama once she gets done catching up in the Senate, Terry McAuliffe swears. And he's, like, totally reliable. [CNN]
• John McCain had another mole removed today, which reminds us to always wear sunscreen and that John McCain is really old. [CNN, John McCain Is Really Old]
• Obama is reportedly seriously vetting Virginia Governor Tim "not Mc" Kaine for the VP slot, but Tim just makes us wonder what is up with the eyebrows of Virginia's past 3 governors. They're really bushy and strange. It is becoming a great way to handicap the Governor's race down there, though. [Washington Post]

They called the thing a "habit" for a reason. We all have them: I buy all my clothes at American Apparel despite a general unease with the institution's values; if I could I'd go back to wearing a Catholic school uniform despite unease with the institution's values. The biggest community of hijab-wearers I ever met worked with me at the phone sex call center, where I would regularly watch one habitually fiddle with her scarves as she regaled clients with detailed descriptions of her denim miniskirt and red lace thong and horny San Fernando Valley cheerleading squad's locker room antics.

Obviously, one cannot bear witness to such a spectacle and emerge without entertaining thought: "God I love this country." Which is, seven years on in this dumb Terror War, what makes this headscarf thing so infuriating: where K-Mart is free to peddle track pants that advertise abstinence from sex on their asses and the Secretary of State can don boots that look swiped from an S&M dungeon and pop culture celebrates bearded cross dressers…what does anyone give a shit about headscarves for? Where the perpetuation of conformity and envy is still the primary role of fashion, a lot more civilians will die at the hands of those who covet their Nikes than those who hate their "freedom" to wear them.

Muslims Barred From Picture At Obama Event [Politico]
How I Nearly Lost My Business After Refusing To Hire A Muslim Hair Stylist Who Wouldn't Show Her Hair [Daily Mail]

MOE: So you feel guilty cheating on me? I gotta confess, I didn't read Crappy Hour. Well, I didn't read the site actually. But I avoided Crappy Hour in particular because the last time I brought Spencer into it, it ended up being 337 lines long or something. That's why I had to bait everyone with the "date" thing, because I figured that even the die-hard CH readers would give up around line 54.

MEGAN: I think we successfully kept it short, though we got kind of tanget-y, which you and I naturally know nothing about,

MEGAN: But can we maybe have a moment of silence for Mark Penn, who jeopardized the $10 million he took off of Hillary's campaign for a $300,000 1 year contract to push for the Colombian FTA? F'idiot.

MOE: Okay yeah I just want to lay it all out there. Mark Penn has extraordinarily bad hair. Then there is the exciting news that Condi Rice has been actively pursuing Dick Cheney's job, which is wonderful news for all Americans. And then there is that crazy polygamist shit and a think piece in the NYT Mag about Levittown, Pennsylvania that I sorta read and a think piece on Guantanamo Bay in the New Yorker that I sort of didn't read, but you brought up the $10 million dollar thing which is I think a good segue into the Clintons' centimillion dollar tax returns and the inspiring news that being a CEO is as ludicrously lucrative as it has ever been despite the credit crisis, wait, no, scratch that, it is more lucrative than it has ever been.
MEGAN: Well, naturally, it's more lucrative than it's ever been! We obviously need to pay the best and the brightest as much as we can afford to keep it from happening again!

MOE: OH fuck, but you know what my favorite part of the fucking
weekend was? Reading the Wall Street Journal edit page slam Obama for not being sufficiently invested our ponzi scheme of a stock market.
MEGAN: Capital gains is also what you pay if you sell your house and don't reinvest all the proceeds in your next house, but trust the rent-babies at the WSJ to ignore that detail.
MEGAN: Also, you don't pay cap gains on your 401K or IRA if you don't withdraw early, which you might need to do if you make less than $50,000 a year and that's in effect your entire savings.

MOE: I love this slight:

With apologies to economists Buffett and Obama, the history of this tax isn't on their side. The capital gains rate is crucial to investment decisions; higher rates make capital more expensive, dampening incentives to invest and reducing economic growth.

MEGAN: Gah, everything in there pisses me off. Not that I want the cap gains rate to go up, but, still, it's like citing statistics without really explaining it.
MEGAN: I'm guessing like, Poland or something. Not the Czech Republic, but maybe the Slovak?

MOE: I think the cap gains rate should go up, not just because I have no stock market holdings, except this 401K from my last job I don't know what happened to. It just sort of disappeared. Maybe it's there for me somewhere. Hm. Whatever. I bought a Swiss army knife over the weekend and read books. I've decided to join this new survivalist movement I've been hearing so much about. Also, commenters who would like to recommend aggressive accountants: moe@jezebel.com.
MOE: Yeah, the Slovaks, we're the slackers. The slacker-ovaks.
MOE: My people know the farce that is this myopic focus on incremental economic growth.
MEGAN: Well, your 401K isn't subject to cap gains, but if it's lost track of you they have to hold onto it forever, it's awesome like that.
MEGAN: Figure out where it was and call and make them track it down.
MOE: Okay but seriously we should probably discuss Mark Penn right?
MEGAN: Oh, hells yeah.
MOE: If you'd taken SinsisterRouge's advice six months ago, Hills, we might not be in this spot.

MEGAN: Except that Hunter Walker just sent me this link in which Hillary asks for credit because it takes her longer to do her hair and make-up. If this is what Maggie Williams hath wrought, I sorta want Mark Penn back.
MOE: Oh Jesus, HILLARY. You know what is so annoying about that? Michael Kinsley wrote that first. And like, it was cool of Kinsley to point that out; hey, give the lady some credit, being a woman is tough because you need to apply all sorts of consumer products to your face and hair and match your clothes to your eyeshadow and stuff and as a result, get less sleep than men. Right. So it's stating an obvious feminine truth, which is cool if you're Michael Kinsley, but you're Hillary Clinton and your campaign is — let's face it guys — really in its final hours, being read its last rites...is that what you want your last words to be? Actually never mind, I take that all back.

MOE: "You gotta give me credit, I applied some really pretty looking eye-shadow, and that shit ain't easy."
MOE: "They construct entire reality shows around MUCH LESS."
MEGAN: Way to strike a blow for feminism, Maggie.
MOE: "Now, onto my second career as the celebrity judge of Make Me A Superdelegate!"
MEGAN: Like, really? I mean, I know you and I have similar beauty regimens: sit around in our own filth until we have to leave the house, wash, put on clean clothes and minor make up and then leave.
MOE: Okay, so seriously, also, back to Mark Penn. You know, when all this was starting, the Clintons did not need to remind America how creepy Clinton pollsters tended to be
MEGAN: Yeah, what is up with that? And how hilare is it when Penn is the less creepy one?
MOE: I actually showered this morning but applied no makeup. Oh, here's some sad news: the guy who makes my egg sandwiches at the deli? Not the guy that owns the deli — that would be aiming too high but the guy who makes the sandwiches —- well I apply lipstick for that guy. Anyhow, so, Mark Penn. Why so long, and at such a tremendous cost? What sort of deal did they have? Is he friends with Ron Burkle and Anne Hathaway's boyfriend? What is the deal there?

MEGAN: I mean, if you're politically and personally committed to someone, do you need $10+ million? He was shilling for the Colombians for $300K. Campaign staffers and Hill staffers work for peanuts. Hell, White House phone answerers work for practically minimum wage. What the hell did he need $10 million for?
MEGAN: I'm guessing she just felt sort of dependent on him and a little lost without him and he took advantage, plus Obama already had Axelrod.
MEGAN: Who, by the way, totally cracked a "the pen is not mightier than the 'rod" joke on MSNBC this morning and I switched channels.
MOE: Well that's just the thing. What if he had some top secret classified GPS-enabled brainwave-reading software hacked straight from Karl Rove himself that promised to deliver the coronation swiftly and bloodlessly? It like, didn't work, guys. And wait a second, AXELROD made that joke?
MOE: Hahahahahahahahahahaha that's aweosme.
MOE: I keep meaning to turn on the TV but it hasn't happened and as you may recall my MSNBC is still muted.
MEGAN: Axelrod totally did. Even Scarborough groaned. Axelrod claimed he'd made it up while on hold but Joe was all, dude, we all know you've been waiting to say that for months and it was the first time I wholeheartedly agreed with Joe Scarborough.

MOE: Hahahahahahaha
MEGAN: By the way, CNN is picking up the "blogging ourselves to death" story. I've got a cold. I've decided these things are related.

MOE: Of course he'd been saving that for months. How could you not? I'm sorry, it's so stupid, but so awesome. Okay, so, um...Pennsylvania! I keep reading conflicting things. Did you get through that Levittown piece? I got halfway through and will summarize: Levittown is a little blue-collar racist town in Pennsylvania in which the author was raised. It seemed aggressively "normal" and "solidly middle-class" then but it is all beer guts and broken dreams now. The Obama campaign headquarters is dominated by an old guy who was a Republican until he read the two Obama books. Black people don't live there.
MEGAN: Yeah, that sounds like where I grew up.
MEGAN: Also, I've been to one of those Obama roundtable meetings where you're, like, invited to testify like it's a religious meeting. A guy brought me there on a date. It's in the top 10 strangest dates ever. Neither of us called the other back. I didn't testify.

MOE: You missed a large inter-Gawker Inc. email-versation about that. I felt inadequate, as I have only one laptop and I sit on my couch all day and really haven't felt that 'adrenaline' feeling since the first week we launched. I certainly feel like I have blogged myself out of a life, but to death? Hmmmm.
MEGAN: I can only imagine the email thread.
MOE: This Condi pursuing the veepship — is that just crazy talk? Also, did McCain do anything else stupid lately?
MOE: I haven't been paying as much attention as I should have maybe.

MEGAN: Well, if he did it's totally been overshadowed by all the bowling and pandering going on in Pennsylvania.
MEGAN: Also, I can't see Condi pursuing it? I think people just mostly want her to and thus it's spawning the stories.
MEGAN: Whoa, CNN has been banned from reporting from Zimbabwe.
MOE: Oh, yeah, Zimbabwe! What's happening with that?
MEGAN: They're pretty screwed. They're going to have a runoff despite the fact that the President definitely lost. They're arresting some reporters and expelling others, bandits are taking over what few white-owned farms remain and armed militias are patrolling the streets for the "safety" of the people.

MOE: Oh should we address Charlton Heston and/or the PA primary? Charlton Heston: Michael Moore didn't even look like an ass making you look like an ass.
MEGAN: Charlton Heston: We can have his guns now, kthnxbi

All this comes at a time when Vogue editor Anna Wintour is railing on Senator Clinton for being mannish (Hillary also gets accused of imitating men in order to get ahead instead of embracing her natural femininity.) But would Hillary have come so far had she been clad in flippy Nanette Lepore skirts instead of St. John trousers?

Huff Po blogger Lesley Blume thinks no. She relays an anecdote about her time in a Washington D.C. newsroom in late 2006 when a Vogue profile of Condi Rice came out, describing the Secretary of State as a "cabinet member with style." "God Almighty - the ridicule that many of my colleagues throughout the city heaped on that woman," Blume writes. "They called the feature vain, preposterous, credibility-killing, ill-advised; they hooted for weeks."

Perhaps if there were an "Old Girl Network" of women in power, as Time blogger Lisa Takeuchi Cullen fantasizes, the scrutiny of women's sartorial choices would be less stringent and damning. But maybe with all the girl-on-girl aggression out there, corporate wardrobe catch-22s would be even more of a problem. (By the way, what do you think of Hillary's kicky yellow suit jacket? Fug? Or fab?!?)

Women in Power: Finding Balance In the Wardrobe[Wall Street Journal]
Why Hillary Won't Vogue for Vogue [Huffington Post]
Where's My Old Girl's Network? [Time]

Earlier: Anna Wintour Calls Hillary Clinton A "Mannish" Coward
Sexpert Shere Hite Tackles Girl-On-Girl Aggresion

"Let's get one thing straight," [Stanford Professor and Condi friend Coit Blacker] recalls her saying. "You are behind the counter because you have to work for minimum wage. I'm on this side asking to see the good jewelry because I make considerably more."

This all brings up an important point: if you really think you deserve what you have, you are maybe not the best student of history, which is a particular shame if you're the Secretary of State, but anyway, trust us: you don't. Tipping 25% is a good way to remind yourself of that. (And also, start earning frequent buyback points from bartenders.)

When Condi Went Nuclear [NY Daily News]
Shopping With Condi Department: The Secretary Of State Yells At A Cashier [Wonkette]