The audience seemed thrilled that Palin was there, and her reading of Shatner's book, Up Till Now, went over quite well, particularly when she read lines like "boom! Taste my nightstick!" Palin seemed relaxed, confident, and clearly in control of the crowd, which isn't surprising, considering that her popularity has been growing as of late. It's fairly obvious that the whole thing was clearly designed to publicize both Palin's book and to continue her image overhaul as someone who is in on the joke, as opposed to being the joke, and judging by the overwhelmingly enthusiastic reaction of the the Tonight Show crowd, her plan seems to be working just beautifully.

Sarah Palin's Popularity Grows, Poll Finds [CBSNews]

Tillie is a Jack Russell terrier who loved to scratch on the floor. In 1999, her owner, Bowman Hastie, discovered that when he put carbon paper on the floor, Tillie would scratch at it and make what looked to him like art, so he started selling her creations and has made approximately 100k doing so in the past decade. That's the cute story that led to Tillie's appearance on Conan last night alongside a giggling Josh Brolin, which went off the rails so hilariously that it's bound to become some sort of running joke — a bad interview is now a "Tillie." The clip above is only a small fraction of the insanity, so here's the whole interview in two parts:

Part One, the setup:

Part two, more examples of Tillie's major works:

His Rolling Stone cover hits stands now-ish.

Taylor Lautner Covers Rolling Stone In A Wet T-Shirt [JustJared]

Earlier: Can Werewolves Swim?

• Nicole Richie has been complaining that she doesn't feel well for days, and now she's been hospitalized at Cedars-Sinai for pneumonia. Her rep says she's "doing well."

• On Sunday she Tweeted: "ok cold, it's been 6 days. Lets part ways graciously & keep it moving." [People]
• Amy Winehouse has spent a third night in the hospital after being admitted for mixing cold medications. [People]
• Michael Barrett has been officially charged with one count of interstate stalking for allegedly filming Erin Andrews in hotels around the country. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Lopez's ex-husband Ojani Noa claims he's been receiving death threats since threatening to sell the video they made during their honeymoon. "She's having him followed. We just ran the license plate of the car . . . and it goes directly back to Jennifer Lopez. Ojani's scared," says his lawyer. [N.Y. Post]
• Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt reportedly got into such a bad fight this morning that the police were called. An eyewitness said Doug got in his car, but Paris screamed, "don't go, don't go." He got out of the car and they started shoving each other. [TMZ]
• Paris Hilton denies that she and Doug Reinhart were fighting. She said: "Doug and I were in bed, sound asleep, when Doug's houseguests from hell got into an argument. We had nothing to do with it. Doug told the LAPD that his guests' fight was over and that we had nothing to do with it." [TMZ]
• Kate Major is planning to sue Jon Gosselin for breach of contract for violating their handwritten agreement. Kate resigned from her position at Star because, "Jon told her he would match the salary she was making at the magazine if she came to work for him as his personal employee," says a source. [Radar Online]
• Cindy Crawford's alleged extortionist, Edis Kayalar, cannot be extradited to the U.S. He turned himself in to German police on Monday, but the country doesn't have an extradition policy with the U.S. He is still facing charges because he's accused of emailing about transferring the money into a German bank account, which is against the law. [TMZ]
• The court has notified Roman Polanski's lawyers that a request has been made to allow TV coverage of his bail hearing on December 10. A judge hasn't decided if the cameras will be allowed or not. [N.Y.T.]
• Sarah Palin invited Levi Johnston to her house for Thanksgiving dinner on Oprah but he won't be attending. He told Playgirl it's "a nice gesture, but she didn't mean it." He said having dinner with the Palins would be "awkward." [People]
• The Sarah Palin interview gave Oprah Winfrey her biggest audience in two years. [Politico]
• We thought everyone knew this already, but Radar Online his confirmed that Carrie Prejean was over 18 when she took those nude pictures by analyzing her tan lines in various states of undress. It's unclear why she couldn't have tan lines at 17. [Radar Online]
• Carrie Prejean's dad says of her sex tapes, "The personal information they are bringing out against Carrie is irrelevant to anything." Will Prejean continues, "Carrie is supposed to be doing all of these TV appearances to promote her book, and everyone can only focus on the tapes... I'm not someone who looks backwards. I think we need to look to the future. Why isn't anyone talking about the charity work and all of the charitable organizations that Carrie's involved in?" [E!]
• In an interview on Good Morning America, Janet Jackson admitted that Michael Jackson's family staged several interventions about his drug use but "weren't very successful." She says he understood "that it was out of love," but in these situations, "people tend to be in denial." [TMZ]
• Somehow "Michael Jackson's estate" is fighting with Janet Jackson because her new song "Make Me" includes the line "Don't stop till you get it up," even though the people in charge of MJ's estate say they're unaware of the dispute. [ET]
• Sources say Evan Chandler, the father of the boy who accused Michael Jackson of molesting him, had been estranged from his family for three years before he committed suicide earlier this month and had changed his appearance with plastic surgery to avoid a backlash from the case. [Radar Online]
• Michael Jackson's kids attended the L.A. premiere of New Moon and avoided the paparazzi by sneaking in a side door. A friend says, "They loved it." [Showbiz 411]
• Whoa. Miley Cyrus may be the only 16-year-old who isn't into Twilight. "I've never seen it and nor will I ever," said Miley. "I don't believe in it... I don't like vampires. I don't like the wolf that pops out of the screen when I'm watching my TV at night. I don't like it. I don't want anything to do with it. I don't like the shirts. I don't like any of it." [People]
• Kristen Stewart says her character Bella "Has a lot of really innate female qualities... For a character in literature, I think it's awesome that so many girls can look up to her, because she's fickle and unabashedly (so)." [Reuters]
• Robert Pattinson says in his pre-Twilight life, "I loved driving around L.A. I know not a lot of people say that, but if you don't have to get anywhere, L.A. is the best place to drive 'round in. I used to have this little car, a convertible ... and I really do miss doing that, as the sun is going down, driving over the mountains. It's a great thing and I kind of do miss that a little bit. It's not really the same thing when you've got 10 cars following you." [AP]
• "I don't think there's something particularly alluring or topical about vampires right now that our generation takes to. I think it's more just that Stephenie [Meyer] wrote these characters with really creative, really gloried character traits. He's a vampire - he sucks blood and all that - but being a vampire is really just a symbol of who he is. I think if you take all of the mythical aspects away from the story, these characters would still be interesting. And they'd still stand. That's what people have become addicted to. At least concerning the fans. I don't think it's a vampire thing." — Kristen Stewart [Time]
• New Moon director Chris Weitz says he's quitting making movies after doing one more film. "Every time I make a movie I'm pretty much convinced it's the last time I'm going to be able to do it and that really it's a rather silly occupation to undertake," he says. "But I think I have maybe one more film in me." [People]
• Pamela Anderson says she has told her sons about the sex tape she made with Tommy Lee. "I knew the kids were going to watch [Borat] and there was a reference to the tape in the movie and they're that age and, you know, people are going start saying things," she said. "I just said, 'Look, Mummy and Daddy were massively in love, we videotaped everything, everything was videotaped, and you're probably going hear about something at school.'" [The Sun]
• Pamela Anderson says, "I've tried it (cocaine) and I don't like it. I'm completely hyper and it actually doesn't work for me. I've dabbled in things." [Contact Music]
• Nicolas Cage, a U.N. ambassador, went to a jail in Kenya to talk to the suspected Somali pirates. "Then I'm in a position where I can actually make some sense and talk about it when I go back to the States where I go talk to different U.N. councils and discuss the matter," Cage said. [AP]
• Andrew Lloyd Webber has be re-admitted to the hospital after developing an infection following surgery for prostate cancer. [AP]
• Penny Marshall has liver cancer, according to The National Enquirer. "Most people would have been devastated, crying on the shoulder of friends and family. But not Penny - she was angry!" said a family source. "The last thing Penny wants is for anyone to feel sorry for her." [National Enquirer]
• Jennifer Hudson will play Winnie Mandela in Winnie, Clint Eastwood's movie about Nelson Mandela's ex-wife. "I was compelled and moved when I read the script," Hudson said. "Winnie Mandela is a complex and extraordinary woman, and I'm honored to be the actress asked to portray her. This is a powerful part of history that should be told." [People]
• Clint Eastwood says the U.S. is "becoming more juvenile as a nation. The guys who won World War II and that whole generation have disappeared, and now we have a bunch of teenage twits..." [Daily Express]
• The Black Eyed Peas' manager, Liborio Molina, won't face charges for punching Perez Hilton in the back of the head. Here's what Molina wrote: 'I apologize for what I did on June 22 of 2009, even though you engaged in highly offensive comments, including a homophobic slur to my clients, I acknowledge that these kinds of issues should not be resolved through a physical response." [TMZ]
• Liborio Molina has also agreed not to contact Perez HIlton and cannot carry any weapons for a year. [AP]
• Precious will be awarded the Producers Guild of America's Stanley Kramer Award, which goes to a film that tackles provocative social issues in a constructive way. [N.Y.T.]
• Kirstie Alley Tweeted about being the butt of Conan O'Brien's fat jokes saying, "ONE BITCH I'm gonna knck [sic] out next time I see her is CONAN O'BITCH O'BRIAN [sic]. That guy acts like I bit his dick off." Star Jones Tweeted back: "You know Conan probably 'wanted some' and you chumped him...I know a few brothers from Brooklyn who owe me! LOL" [Us]
• Roger Moore was named the 2009 Person of the Year by the U.K. branch of PETA for campaigning against foie gras. [Reuters]
• Mariah Carey was late to the British show This Morning, so host Phillip Schofield Tweeted: "Sitting here twiddling our thumbs waiting for Mariah Carey. la la la laaa," before adding: "It's her album... which we will talk about IF she hurries up!" [The Sun]
• Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair got into a fight at a press conference in Australia. Some say it was staged to promote a wrestling even, but in the picture at the link Hogan's head is coated in blood. [TMZ]
• Fantasia Barrino's fans are upset because she's dating a married father of two who left his wife and kids to move in with her. [Star]
• Robin Williams, who split from his wife of 19 years in 2008, has found love again with graphic designer Susan Schneider. A source said, "Robin truly believes it's no coincidence that Susan came into his life right before his heart operation. He told a pal, 'She saved me - she helped me heal.'" [Daily Express]
• Tyra Banks tried to get model Jessica White, who has been seen holding hands with Sean Penn, to confirm that they're dating, but she said, "I hold hands with my friends." [Us]
• Daniel Radcliffe will guest star in The Simpsons' "Treehouse of Horror XXI" next season. [ONTD]
• Hugh Jackman has forgiven his mother for abandoning the family when he was young, and was spotted spending time with her in New York yesterday. "My mother was not well," Jackman has said. "I always hoped she would come back, but I never blamed her for anything that went wrong. At the time, I was miserable and angry, and my brothers and I used to fight all the time." [News.com.au]
• Carrie Underwood says she isn't moving in with her boyfriend Mike Fisher. "Call me old-fashioned. He's there. I'm here... We're both doing our thing and it's good. The next guy I move in with will be my hubby. Whoever that is. I'm not saying it's going to be him." [People]
• Jessica Simpson Tweeted about her sister Ashlee Simpson-Wentz's Broadway debut: "I can't wait to watch @ashsimpsonwentz on broadway in all of her glory!!! I get chillbumps from toes to noggin thinking about it!!! YAY!!!!!" [Us]
• Pete Wentz said, "I just spent the last weekend – Mom was rehearsing for Chicago – being Dad without a nanny, without Mom, and didn't burn the house down, so I'm pretty excited about that." [People]
• Jessica Szohr says "we had fun" shooting the Gossip Girl threesome. "Penn is really easy to work with and very professional and [so is] Hilary," Szohr said. "We just went with it and tried to make it as easy as possible." [Us]
• Sandra Bullock says her family didn't like her going blonde for The Blind Side. "It was entertaining for a couple of months but it's not really my color palette," she said. Her husband didn't like it either. "Thank God an important person in my life didn't want me being blonde. He was like, ‘I don't like the blonde on you. You want him to say that!" [People]
• "I want boobs, a gentle six-pack and a perky butt," says Amanda Peet. "If I could choose an ideal body, I'd take Gisele Bunchen's. I challenge anyone to say she wouldn't want Gisele's body, deep down... Actually, I'd take a number of people's bodies. I'd take Jennifer Aniston's, too." [People]
• Susan Sarandon is going to meet table tennis legend Jan-Ove Waldner when she travels to Stockholm to receive an award next week. "It was on her initiative, we just made the effort to find him," says Git Scheynius, director of the Stockholm Film Festival. "She's actually involved in a table tennis club in New York — that's one of her greatest hobbies." [Reuters]
• "I feel like I have learned a lot. The movies could not be more different," says Penelope Cruz of her upcoming films Nine and Broken Embraces. "To be able to sing for the first time professionally and dance, it was a scary experience. Broken Embraces is like three women in one. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world." [Reuters]
• Vera Farmiga says she was drawn to the film Up In The Air because, "I thought it was a refreshing spin on feminine desire. It's something you don't too often get to see, a woman being so demanding and libertine and unapologetic about her sexual prowess. She's an adventuress; she's a full-blown romantic operative. That was pretty exciting. And tricky. Because usually, female characters who are so masculine in their needs can come across as lacking dignity. Alex represents to me what's so hard about being a woman, post-feminist. Wanting it all: a family, a career. That sort of pendulum between romance and respectability, virgin-whore, all these lady problems we have to contend with and there will never be an answer to. A modern heroine of sorts." [L.A.T.]
• Heidi Klum says she's wearing something sexy when she hosts the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, even though she wants to lose weight. "I have some great one-of-a-kind latex pieces that were made for me. I figure why not? I embrace that I have more curves right now," said Klum, "I'm definitely one of the heaviest of the bunch of the 30 girls in the show. And I still have 20 lbs. to go... But why not? I like my outfit. I like the way it looks on me." [People]
• "I have a really big scrapbook. I still actually have these notes that Marty Scorsese wrote to me while we were making The Age of Innocence. I save everything. I definitely have that gene in me. Someone was telling me about this show called Hoarders. I was like, 'Oh no!' I save everything. I'm scared I might be a hoarder." — Winona Ryder [Daily Express]
• Martha Stewart says Rachael Ray is "more of an entertainer ... with her bubbly personality, than she is a teacher, like me. That's not what she's professing to be," adding, "To me, she professed that she could — cannot bake... She — just did a new cookbook which is just a re-edit of a lot of her old recipes. She — and that's not good enough for me." Rachael Ray responded: "Why would it make me mad?... Her skill set is far beyond mine. That's simply the reality of it... I'd rather eat Martha's than mine, too." [Us]

Earlier: Barack Obama Is Secretly A Raging Sexist

Though women now comprise a majority of their viewership, late night remains stacked with men. Here's a breakdown based on Carter's piece:

"The Jay Leno Show": Zero.
"Late Show with David Letterman": Zero.
"The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien": Zero.
"The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson": One, apparently (his sister).
"Jimmy Kimmel Live!": One.
"The Colbert Report": One.
"The Daily Show with Jon Stewart": Two female writers just added.
"Late Night with Jimmy Fallon:" Three out of "about a dozen."

So congratulations, Jimmy Fallon, on being the tallest dwarf! Of course, there is one break from this monotony, and it might not be a coincidence that the host is female!

"Chelsea Lately with Chelsea Handler": Five out of ten.

Which brings us to another point made in the piece: even if writers' rooms were full of women, nine times out of ten they'd still be writing for a male voice:

"When you're writing for late night, you're writing through one person's prism, and that person at the shows you're looking at is always a dude," said Hallie Haglund, one of the new writers on "The Daily Show. " Allison Silverman, who has served as the only woman writer first on "The Daily Show" then on Conan O'Brien's staff, said she had no trouble assuming the voices of male hosts. But she added, "I don't think the issue of sensibility is off base. The hosts and the staffs I worked on often resembled one another. Have you seen how many tall Irish people are on Conan's staff?"

Not surprisingly, the few women that did make it onto writing staffs have coped with being odd woman out with, well, humor:

"I would walk into Lizz [Winstead]'s office, where the writers were assembled to hear the day's jokes, and would want to exercise my executive producer privileges by sending half of them home to shower," Ms. Smithberg said in an e-mail message. "I wonder if the corollary we should be examining is between body odor and humor rather than gender and humor."

There's only one way to find out: hire more women writers. (And um, smell them.)

Among Late Night Shows, Few Women in the Room [New York Times]

Related: Letterman and Me [VF]

Image via The New Yorker

For the record, I gave Obama as much shit as anyone during the primaries for framing some statements in thoughtlessly sexist terms and being wishy-washy about reproductive rights, among other things. And I can't help wondering whether the domestic violence joke here would have made the cut if Conan had any women on his writing staff. But still, sometimes even a professional humorless feminist needs a break from overanalyzing everything. "The men have a strategy formulated and girls need to shop for clothes, period" is just plain funny.

• Someone broke into Kourtney Kardashian's home on Saturday night, taking thousands of dollars worth of jewelry. Hollywood: Step up your security! [TMZ]

• As you may know, there's been a rash of burglaries involving young stars this year: Paris Hilton, Audrina Patridge, Hayden Panettiere, Lindsay Lohan and Rachel Bilson's homes have all been broken into in the last 10 months. Oh, and Orlando Bloom was burglarized, too. [People]
• Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush are back together, and things are going well: "We just made the decision that we want to make it work, and the time off was really beneficial for the both of us," KK says. "I think sometimes people need to take a break just to take time off to see how much they need each other and how much they really are compatible." [People]
• Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom now have a prenup. He'll keep the $33 million he makes in his 4 year contract with the Lakers. Khloe will get an annual lump sum, which will not go up or down throughout the marriage; and the two will have a joint account. Romantic! [TMZ]
• Hug your neighborhood Goth: Trent Reznor got married on Saturday. [E!]
• Beyoncé has postponed a concert in Malaysia; female performers there must be covered from shoulders to knees, with no cleavage showing. Time to rethink that "Single Ladies" leotard. [AP]
• Lindsay Lohan "shocked" people by being "in control all night" at a party. [Page Six]
• Courtney Love failed to show up in court on Thursday in a case involving Elite Maids and non-payment; the judge ruled against Courtney and she needs to write a check to the cleaning service for $3,058.48. [TMZ]
• Headline of the day: "Paris Hilton Lands Movie Role, Demands Lobsters." [Page Six]
• Stephanie Pratt was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence early Sunday morning in Hollywood. She'd just left Holly Montag's birthday party and apparently didn't arrange for a designated driver. [TMZ]
• Stephanie Pratt was "cooperative" and there were no issues with her arrest. She was taken into custody at 3:45 am and released at 10:30 am. [People]
• Here's a picture of Stephanie partying before her DUI. What's with the tongues? [TMZ]
• Liz Taylor took Michael Jackson's three kids to a theme park on Friday. From her wheelchair, she watched the children go on rides and enjoy the Halloween Horror Nights event. [Daily Express]
• By the by, Liz Taylor saw the new Michael Jackson documentary, This Is It at a special secret screening. Word is: She loved it and thought it was "brilliant." [Showbiz 411]
• "Michael Jackson's embattled physician, Dr. Conrad Murray, is quietly trying to sell his story." [Rush & Molloy]
• Susan Boyle must have liked the makeover she got from Harper's Bazaar: She used the images from that photo shoot as cover art for her album. [WWD]
• Kelly Bensimon flashed folks at a fête: "Raising her arm to wave goodbye, the Real Housewives star 'accidentally' revealed she was 'commando.'" [Page Six]
• Expect Josh Brolin's performance in Wall Street 2 to be Donald Trump-inspired. [Page Six]
• "The octomom's doctor has been expelled from the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the main infertility professional organization." Nadya Suleman has said that her physician, Michael Kamrava, transferred six embryos, which exceeds the ASRM's guidelines. [USA Today]
• Did you know that Jon Hamm auditioned for the role of Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock? [Reader's Digest]
• "Madonna's 'Hung Up,' in which she dances provocatively in a pink leotard, has been voted the least sexy music video of all time." [Telegraph]
• You guys, stop talking about how Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy might be broken up. She says: "I'm not going to lie – it's not annoying, it's hurtful. Because he is like the most awesome person." And! "We are just trying to be really happy. It makes it hard to do that when everybody is putting negative energy out there." [ONTD]
• Guess what Susan Sarandon is going to be for Halloween? Think "Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me"! [Page Six]
• Cameron Diaz stars in sci-fi thriller The Box, based on a 1970 short story and adapted and directed by the twisted genius behind Donny Darko, Richard Kelly. At 37, she gets asked about the quality of roles for women over 40, and says: "I'm not 40 yet and I don't know what I am going to want. I'm certainly not sitting here worrying about where I am going to be at, I am just making the most out of the life I am living as I have been doing all along." [News.com.au]
• Conan O'Brien and Newark mayor Cory Booker have ended their feud. Sort of. There's now a joke jar: jar. "Every time I made a joke about Newark… $500 would go into that joke jar," says Conan. Yet he adds: "You can rest assured that the money is safe, because the jar isn't in Newark." [NY Daily News]
• Gaga Ooh La La! New Lady Gaga song! Click to hear. [ONTD]
• Martha Stewart's deal with Kmart is dead. Long live Martha Stewart's deal with Home Depot. [NY Times]
• Nas has tax issues. [TMZ]
• Where The Wild Things Are made a monstrous $32.5 million at the box office. [AP]
• So you know how some dresses have little plastic straps inside for more stability on a hanger? And sometimes the straps pop out from under your armpits and look unsightly? Whitney Houston's dress straps broke while she was on TV. [The Sun]
• Monty Python: The Original Kings Of Gore. [Newsweek]
• Dan Aykroyd's father has a new book called A History of Ghosts: The True Story of Séances, Mediums, Ghosts and Ghostbusters; Dan has written the forward and says: "I've had to sell some really bad movies in my time, so it's great when you can get behind a good product." [USA Today]
• Someone paid $15,000 for a clump of Elvis' hair. [AP]
• Ted Danson upon meeting Dave Chappelle: "You are like a hero in my family." After the meeting: "Wow. That was cool. That was my claim to hip right there. That's my only claim to hip." [LA Times]
• Do red carpets make you nervous? Or the paparazzi? 
"Horribly nervous. The red-carpet thing is more of a problem. I had braces when I was a teenager and taught myself not to smile. I never deprogrammed myself from that. When they're shouting 'Smile!' I get nervous. You don't want to see my smile." Are you on Facebook? "I left Facebook. People contact you and they're out of your life, and I don't know why they want to come back in. It's weird." — from a Q&A with An Education's Carey Mulligan. [Newsweek]
• Def Leppard has canceled the last segment of its North American tour — 23 shows — "due to unforeseen personal matters." [USA Today]
• "When I was 11, I auditioned for the part of Joseph in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat at school. I didn't go to an all-girls school, but the boys didn't want to do theater: the girls could then play the boys. I remember that I didn't get the part of Joseph and I was really upset. They cast me as the Pharaoh, and I remember doing an Elvis impression as the Pharaoh. I had this one moment when I realized that the Pharaoh part was actually more interesting than Joseph's. And, in some ways, that set the tone for my career. For me, it's often better to play the great character than the lead." — Samantha Morton. Click through for gorgeous photo shoot. [T Magazine]
• "He's one of the very few completely brilliant directors that I've worked with. There aren't really very many, I have to say, or it's a shame to say. To be an artist in terms of what you see and what you want to feel out of each scene, a kind of master of the technique and the technicalities of filmmaking, and a master of directing actors, which is usually the one that's missing — there are many who have no idea how to speak or to pull good work out of actors — is very rare. Roman was all those things." — Ewan McGregor on Roman Polanski, who directed The Ghost, in which Ewan stars. [LA Times]
• "The best part for me now is that I think for the first nine months mom is so essential. When they start hanging out with dad more you're like, 'Wow I feel like a dad.' You go to music class and do fun stuff together, it's cool. It makes me realize all of the little things that my dad sacrificed when he had me. It's sad it took 30 years but I totally realize it now." — Pete Wentz on fatherhood. [UPI via People]
• "When I was away [in prison], I wrote a lot of stuff, which will be released next year. I wrote a diary and songs. I got into trouble because I wrote on the wall: 'Some things are past understanding, you just need a place to land.' It was part of a lyric. I actually wrote a song about Amy [Winehouse] when I was in prison." — Boy George. [Daily Express via The Times of London]
• "I'll be honest: When I went on that morning show, I was drunk. Yes, I was on sleeping pills and I was jet-lagged, but I was also just plastered. And I never said I wasn't, but that whole Warner Bros. publicity machine got involved and said, 'Just say he was jet-lagged.' I said, 'No, tell 'em the truth! I was fucking drunk in Australia. Big deal.'" — John Stamos, in reference to his bizarre appearance on Mornings with Kerri-Ann in 2007. [Us Magazine]
• "I think I underestimated the way people bracket you. I thought I could wear what I wanted and be an actress and live my life in a certain way, and it would all be all right. I feel we live in the kind of culture now where you have to be very smart to navigate the right way, and I just don't have those smarts. I think with age and time it will change, but I can't obsess about it… This is what I have always wanted, to be on Broadway. I'm living my dream, and that's all you can ask for. At a certain point you have to ignore all the rest." — Sienna Miller, who is in After Miss Julie on Broadway. [NY Times]
• "I've had some absolutely great relationships and some not so great relationships. I've been in some relationships where I've felt terribly alone. Just because you're with someone it doesn't mean you're incredibly happy and complete. I've had some easy and natural, made-sense breakups as well as some rough ones. I deal with them the same way we all do: I'm successful with some and not so successful with others. I don't think my experiences are any different than anybody else's, they've just been amplified a little more." — George Clooney. [Mirror]
• "Parenting is something you can't delegate. Yes, you can find help with the daily things, but that doesn't release you from the guilt and anxiety and concern. Is there ever a time when putting your needs ahead of your children's is acceptable? That is the overarching question." — Uma Thurman, on new film Motherhood. [NY Times]
• "Losing my mother was very traumatic. I don't know if I'll ever get over it. And now I'm older than my mom was when she died, which is pretty strange. She died when she was 35. [I lived with my father after that], he was a salesman and only in his early 60s when he died [of complications from diabetes]. I was 20. I miss him every day. He had a wild streak. He was funny, larger than life, and sad. He's probably in my performance more than I know. I started acting in grade school and kept returning to it in high school and college. Theater departments are usually a big collection of orphans and screwups-sort of lost tribes-and I found kinship there. When I started thinking about what to do with the rest of my life, acting was the only thing I kept coming back to." — Jon Hamm. [Reader's Digest]
• "When I look at digital, the dark side of it for me is the physicality that's being presented alongside the Internet. I think about that movie The Matrix, and about these bodies that are human batteries that support computers. I met this guy who was creating software where you could watch Mad Men and you could chat with your friend while you're watching it, and things would pop up, and facts would pop up, and I said, 'You're a human battery. Turn the fucking thing off! You're not allowed to watch the show anymore. You're missing the idea of sitting in a dark place and having an experience. Are you just like sitting with your phone and you're kissing your girlfriend and saying, "I'm kissing my girlfriend! This is so great, we're having sex!'" EXPERIENCE THINGS!" — Matthew Weiner, creator of Mad Men, at the New Yorker Festival [NY Magazine]

• The new single from a singer named Lola is actually a track by Jennifer Lopez.

The song, titled "Fresh out the Oven," features Pitbull and is something La Lopez did "for the streets." [NY Daily News]

• Mary-Kate Olsen could have played a socialite teen vampire on TV, except the CW failed to pick up the show Blue Bloods, based on the book by Melissa de la Cruz. [Gatecrasher]
• Ellen Page will produce and write an HBO comedy called Stitch N' Bitch with Alia Shawkat and Sean Tillman. "The show follows two painfully cool hipster girls as they relocate from Brooklyn's Williamsburg neighborhood to Los Angeles' Silver Lake enclave in hopes of becoming artists — of any kind." [Reuters]
• The Russell Brand/Katy Perry romance is heating up: He texted her a love poem; she replied with a topless photo of herself. [Page Six]
• An Australian variety show has apologized for a skit involving singers parodying the Jackson Five and performing in blackface. Harry Connick Jr., who was a judge on the show, called the skit "disgusting." [AP]
• Carla Bruni claims she is in a never-ending "beauty contest" with the spouses of other world leaders; and considers Michelle Obama and Princess Letizia of Spain her rivals. [NY Daily News]
• All Hail Barbra Streisand, who beat Mariah Carey on the Billboard chart. [Ny Daily News]
• An "insider" tells the National Enquirer that Mackenzie Phillips worked as a "jet-setting call girl" in her late 20s — when she was pregnant with her son Shane. [Daily Express]
• Madonna's buying Jesus Luz a £1.7 million apartment; she's not ready to move him into the house with her four kids, but she's looking for something in walking distance of her Upper East Side townhouse. [Telegraph]
• Conan O'Brien and Newark Mayor Cory Booker have been feuding over the last two weeks, but Booker is ready to "bury the hatchet." In a written statement, O'Brien said he may not be ready to abandon Newark as a joke topic: "I want to again reiterate, I have only the highest respect for Mayor Cory Booker and the city of Newark, New Jersey — one of America's oldest, greatest, and most enduring punchlines." [CNN]
• R. Kelly has revealed that he suffers from illiteracy. "When I was trying to make it out here, I already knew, and I was stubborn about it," he says. "I don't even read really and I'm not afraid to say that. My cousins and brothers used to tease me 'you can't even read right. How you think you're going to come up?' The only reason I graduated from grammar school is because I had a great jump shot. I went to high school and [my teacher] told me 'you will one of the greatest writers of all time.' I believed. You [have to] believe it. You can't believe [anything] if you're hating. You can't achieve [anything] if you're hating." [AOL Music]
• Gloria Allred is accusing David Letterman of "sexual favoritism." [MSNBC]
• Remember when Joe Francis attacked Jayde Nicole in a club? Apparently the incident was caught on a security cam video. You definitely see him drag her off of a barstool by the hair. [Radar Online]
• Michael Vick is getting his own show on BET. It's a "docu-series" spotlighting his comeback in football and also his difficult childhood and dog-fighting ring bust. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Kate Gosselin made fun of her mommy image in a skit on Jay Leno's show last night, telling photographers, "Leave me alone. Hey, what did Mommy say? I asked you to stop taking pictures and you continued… Go to your room," [ET]
• "Jon Gosselin: Kate is 'trying to prevent me from seeing my kids on their birthday.'" Eyeroll. [NY Daily News]
• Sponsors don't seem to give a shit that David Letterman hooked up with employees — there was a Disney commercial during his Tuesday show. [NY Times]
• Beastie Boy Adam Yauch had a cancerous tumor removed from his left parotid gland and says, "I'm taking Tibetan medicine and at the recommendation of the Tibetan doctors I've been eating a vegan/organic diet. I'm feeling healthy, strong and hopeful that I've beaten this thing, but of course time will tell." [TMZ]
• Julia Stiles and Bill Pullman are in the Broadway production of David Mamet's Oleanna. Stiles says: "I feel like Carol is one of the more well developed female parts he's written. There's something so interesting to me about how relentless and confrontational Carol is. For better or worse she's a force to be reckoned with. David Mamet is really good at writing characters that are flawed. There's something so fascinating about them in their bluntness." [NY Times]
• LisaRaye's new reality show will tell unflattering stories about Star Jones, Vivica A. Fox, and more. [Gatecrasher]
• "Prosecutors have declined to press charges against the sheriff's deputy who arrested Mel Gibson three years ago, citing a lack of proof he leaked details about the case." [AP]
• Alicia Keys is starting a new company, featuring a range of products; first up is The Barber's Daughters, handcrafted jewelry engraved with messages of hope. [Mirror]
• Stephanie Seymour's going through a divorce, and husband Peter Brant says she spent $50,000 a month on new clothes alone. [Gatecrasher]
• Matt Lucas's ex, Kevin McGee, who hanged himself Monday, had recently confessed his suicidal thoughts to a stranger at a gay bar. [The Sun]
• In the entertaining piece at the link, Phyllida Law — Emma Thompson's mother — talks about her daughter's struggle to have children, her adopted son from Rwanda, and her hoarding habit. [Daily Mail]
• Is Antonia Kidman getting married at her sister Nicole Kidman's estate in Sutton Forest, New South Wales, Australia? [News.com.au]
• Michael Sheen (The Queen, Frost Nixon, Underworld) plays legendary self-destructive soccer manager Brian Clough in a film called The Damned United, which is being called Sheen's "best performance of his big-screen career." [USA Today]
• Oh, yeah, and Michael Sheen also plays an Italian vampire in New Moon. But you already knew that. Twihard. [USA Today]
• Whatshername, the cagefighter, crossdressing, etc. [The Sun]
• "I love Susie Greene - she is so freeing. I analyze things from every which way. She just reacts without any kind of censor. Everything is an indignity, and she is absolutely sure of herself in every single response. All those doubts held me back for years: I wasn't good enough, I wasn't pretty enough, is this the right dress to wear? Susie Greene thinks she is drop-dead gorgeous and everything she chooses to put on is drop-dead gorgeous. Imagine being like that." — Susie Essman on her Curb Your Enthusiasm character. [NY Times]
• Q: What's your take on the Letterman sex scandal? Many people feel it's hypocrisy for him to throw darts at other's sexual misconduct when he's apparently been no better.
  A: "Here's the difference. A — it's his job to do that. And B — it just shows people don't really know what the story's about, which is the extortion. It has nothing to do with sex. And we're idiots when it comes to sexuality. We still think if you're single, you're a slut, you're awful! You should get married. People have sex! That's it. It's not the end of the world. It's really no big deal." — comedian Lewis Black. [Reuters]
• "Heath was just so full of ideas and fresh dialogue and so unbelievably fast and inventive. He was still, in some sense, speeding from playing The Joker, which had liberated him in a way that he had never experienced before. He was always telling me 'I am doing things in scenes that I didn't know was inside me. I cannot believe it.'" director Terry Gilliam, who cast Heath Ledger in The Imaginarium Of Dr. Parnassus. [Mirror]
• Check out Heath in a trailer at the link. [NY Daily News]
• "We gave our blessing. We decided that it was so touching and that it should go on the air. It was a wonderful testament to the work Adam did. I only wish he were here to help so many more." — DJ AM's mother, Andrea Gross, who decided that his show should go on the air on MTV. [TMZ]
• "I don't know how to swim. So, I never spent any time on a beach. That's the good news. The bad news is that if you are drowning, I cannot rescue you." — Bernadette Peters, at a skin cancer event. [Page Six]
• "I would do 20 Vicodin in a night. I was on my way out. I might have been 24 hours away from dying." — Robbie Williams. [The Sun]
• "She's a manifester, if there ever was one. First-rate manifester. Madonna makes things happen. Put Madonna up against any 23-year-old, she'll outwork them, outdance them, outperform them. The woman is broad. And, of course, here you go: I still love her. But she's retarded, too." — Guy Ritchie, to Esquire. [MSNBC Scoop]

• Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel: Photographed holding hands on Monday. A source says they've been vacationing together in Santa Barbara; As for Justin and Rihanna?

They're just "working on a track together." [Page Six]

• Mariah Carey stumbled coming out of a restaurant late at night, but was she drunk? Or just wearing 7-inch Louboutins? [Page Six]
• Harvard kids: Stalked Emma Watson when she came for a football game; thought it was hilarious. [Page Six]
• A whole column of unsolicited uterus updates! Kate Hudson: Not pregnant. Halle Berry: Not pregnant ("I've got to stop with the burgers or something!"). Penelope Cruz: asked if she was pregnant, but "answered no — in a rather baroque, roundabout way." [Gatecrasher]
• This column calls Britney Spears' new track, "3," "maddeningly repetitive." [NY Daily News]
• Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson keep being seen in public together, because ZOMG Twilight is real. [People]
• Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil have been writing cutesy notes to each other on Facebook. A sample: "Love you too innit and vairvair proud of youse, know dis lioness civilishous. X" [The Sun]
• Add Penelope Cruz, Harrison Ford, Gael Garcia Bernal and Natalie Portman to the list of people crying "Free Roman Polanski." [Shakesville]
• "John Travolta testified Wednesday that would-be extortionists threatened to go the media with stories implying 'the death of my son was intentional and I was culpable somehow.'" [CNN]
• Kate Gosselin thinks Jon Gosselin's divorce delay is a publicity stunt; I think it has to do with making sure any TLC cash gets split up properly. [MSNBC via Radar Online]
• Wait, what?!?! "Jon Gosselin has put TLC, the cable network behind Jon & Kate Plus 8, on notice to 'cease and desist' any television production of the show and leave his property." [ET]
• Miley Cyrus has a sore throat. Will she be able to do her concert dates? [Mirror]
• Randy and Evi Quaid — who were accused of ditching a $10,000 bill at the San Ysidro Ranch — claim they never got the bill because they moved. They have now paid. [TMZ]
• Kevin Federline: Gaining weight on purpose, so he can get ready for Celebrity Fit Club. A source says: "He thinks that if he goes on the show, loses a ton of weight, and seems really likeable, he'll get more deals afterward." Probably true. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Melissa Ethereridge played on an airplane — 10,000 feet in the air — to help raise money for The Breast Cancer Research Foundation. Looks like he peeps in her audience were wearing pink! [People]
• GLAAD likes Glee. So do I! [NY Daily News]
• Jermaine Jackson is going to judge a new BBC talent show called Move Like Michael Jackson. Too soon? [Reuters]
• Joe Francis might lose his house — over a gambling debt. YAWN. [TMZ]
• Alyssa Milano thinks $3 is too much to pay for a Twitter iPhone app; the "iPhone developer community" is amused, yet angry. [Business Insider]
• In a battle between Jay-Z and Fat Joe, Jigga wins. [Page Six]
• Conan O'Brien is sorta banned from Newark Airport. [NY Daily News]
• Two weeks after giving birth, Ellen Pompeo hit a sneaker party in L.A. and announced: "I feel great." [People]
• Congrats to Will Ferrell and his wife, who are expecting their third child. [People]
• Mindy McCready, who was on Celebrity Rehab with Mackenzie Phillips, says she "absolutely" believes that Phillips had an incestuous relationship with her father and "Nobody has the right to say what they do or don't believe unless they know her." [UPI]
• Kevin Dillon: Seen flirting with women who were not his wife. [Page Six]
• Pete Doherty will be on trial in December after being charged with driving a car erratically over the summer. This story notes: "He has yet to plead to a charge of being over the legal alcohol limit while at the wheel." [Reuters]
• Male model Jamie Burke, Mark Ronson, Milla Jovovich, Simon Le Bon and Marion Cotillard are covering the song "Beds Are Burning"for the Time for Climate Justice campaign. [Page Six]
• "Former INXS and Noiseworks frontman Jon Stevens' condition has "deteriorated" nearly three weeks after emergency heart surgery." [News.com.au]
• Get well soon, Dennis Hopper. [Page Six]
• "It drives me crazy… It's just very hard to get a day's work done and concentrate." — Sarah Jessica Parker, on filming SATC on the streets of NYC with mobs of fans. [NY Daily News]
• "Honestly, I never thought I'd live this long. I always thought that I wouldn't be here at this point. I was thinking, 'Okay, I've got another year of my life left. This has got to be the end of it. Finally, [Nick] was like, "Stop talking like that." — Mariah Carey. [NY Daily News via In Touch]
• "I mean, a zombie movie? Come on. There are good zombie movies -I Am Legend and 28 Days Later- but those are the exceptions. Then I read it and I was absolutely knocked out. I thought it was just so funny and compelling." —Woody Harrelson, on Zombieland. [USA Today]
• "I always sort of cringe when people say, you're that creepy guy. Sinister I can live with, that's fine. But creepy is like someone you wouldn't sit next to at a diner. I'm probably being sensitive about it." — Michael Emerson, aka Lost's Ben Linus. [MSNBC via PopEater]
• "I'm a parent, but I always considered that slightly separate from my work. And, suddenly, I'm reading this script that really explores parenting. I felt very involved with it, because I've got two young girls and I could relate to an awful lot of it. Often, I find family movies a little cute and not very real. This felt honest." — Clive Owen on new film The Boys Are Back. [USA Today]
• TOC: You've also said, "I related to a girl who, against all odds, finds her inner strength and believes she can do what boys do." Have you felt yourself working against the odds in a Hollywood boys' club? "No, I really don't, and I actually find those women-I'm like, get that bitter, ugly, unattractive chip off your shoulder. I'm doing what any guy could be doing, and I don't do it by needing to wear a power suit. Women have made incredible strides; we're in a really balanced or better-balanced culture, and we should be celebrating that…rather than, like, 'Oh, men have all the power.' I'm like, 'Oh, boo-hoo, shut up, make it happen for yourself and get over it.'" — Drew Barrymore. [Time Out Chicago]

Following Conan O'Brien's on-set accident on Friday (in which he sustained a concussion) Stephen made fun of his fellow comedian for hitting his head, suggesting that it was because of a recent Glamour Magazine poll called "Do, Dump, or Marry?" (the milquetoast Glamour version of the classic marry/fuck/kill), in which Jimmy Fallon was the "do," Conan was the "dump," and Stephen was the "marry." First, Stephen was giddy over his Conan victory, until he realized Glamour readers were planning to cheat on him with "do" Jimmy Fallon ("you whores!"), and he had to cry, take "some antidepressant" (Ben & Jerry's), and declare himself to be fat. It was pretty hilarious, though one wonders who on Colbert's staff actually reads Glamour. (Oh, and also? Stephen is totally the "do" of those three. Duh!)

• Julia Roberts is in India shooting Eat, Pray, Love, and security is tight on the film set:

50 local police officers and security officers are guarding Julia; yet kids and villagers are climbing trees and rooftops to get a glimpse of the Hollywood star. [AP]

• Michael Jackson is making money at the box office: This Is It accounted for 71% of all sales yesterday on the ticket site fandango.com. [NY Daily News]
• Madonna might marry boyfriend Jesus Luz, according to reports. She apparently likes how he checks in all the time and understands that she is self-involved — plus, says a source, "the sex is scorching hot." Husband material! [Daily Mail]
• This column claims that Penelope Cruz must be pregnant: She went to an OB/GYN with boyfriend Javier Bardem. Maybe he just tagged along for her Pap smear? [NY Daily News]
• Teri Hatcher, who was a guest on Friday's (canceled) episode of The Tonight Show, says that Conan O'Brien has a concussion: "We did this bit and at the very end, when we ran in to cross the finish line, he slipped as he was crossing the finish line and hit his head… And the thing was, I was in front of him so I didn't see it initially. He didn't get off floor right a way, but then he [seemed] like he recovered and [pulled] it together, and they did an instant replay, and you could really see his head hit the floor. He did go to the hospital and he does have a concussion." [ET]
• Sources say Kanye West has an alcohol problem. "He's been boozing heavily ever since his mother died," an insider says. [Showbiz Spy]
• Kanye West was seen acting "reserved, quiet and humble for once." [Gatecrasher]
• "Roman Polanski's Arrest Could Lead to Extradition."[NY Times]
• "Roman Polanski's arrest in Switzerland could lead to diplomatic row." [Times Of London]
• "Poland, France seek Polanski's release." [USA Today]
• "France, Poland want Polanski released on bail." [AP]
• "'Outraged' Roman Polanski's wife vows to fight extradition to U.S. after he is arrested over 1977 underage sex charge." [Daily Mail]
• "Roman Polanski is weighing his legal options after his arrest Saturday at the Zurich Airport. If he agrees to allow extradition, he could be sent to the U.S. within a few days. If he fights the order, it could take several months for the case to get through Swiss courts." [Variety]
• Khloe Kardashian married Lamar Odom on Sunday at a private residence in Beverly Hills. She wore Vera Wang; the flowers were all white; preparation for the nuptials were covered by cameras from E!. [People]
• The wedding will air on E!'s Keeping Up With The Kardashians, in case you weren't clear on that. [NY Daily News]
• Here's the thing: E! agreed to pick up the $1 million tab for Khloe Kardashian's wedding only if it was staged by Sunday — that way it could open the new seaason of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. But since Lamar Odom's lawyers didn't have time to do a pre-nup, yesterday's "wedding" may not have been legally binding. [NY Post]
• Padma Lakshmi, 39, is reportedly pregnant with her first child by boyfriend Manu Nathan, 27. [JustJared]
• Clive Owen is a Liverpool football (soccer) fan, and watched a game in a NYC sports bar with other fans, only one of whom asked, "What was it like snogging Julia Roberts?" [The New Yorker]
• Amy Winehouse's father, Mitch, will join the cast of I'm A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here. [Ireland Online]
• Kate Moss: Making music her focus? She has registered as a songwriter and publisher with the Performing Rights Society, where artists can protect any future royalties from their records. [Daily Express]
• Not that Kate Moss isn't modeling — she's totally the G in Paris Vogue. [TheLifeFiles]
• Simon Cowell is about to become the highest-paid star on TV — with his deal to bring X Factor to the U.S. (he'll producer, not appear on the show) — Cowell will make $103 million by next fall. That's more than Oprah, if you don't include her "empire" earnings. [NY Post]
• The Strokes guitarist Albert Hammond Jr. has checked into rehab; ex-girlfriend Agyness Deyn was seen out with her old flame, Miles Kane, during fashion week. [Daily Mail]
• "[John Travolta's] public acknowledgement that his son, who died in January, was autistic has former Scientologists convinced that he will leave the church-which they say has little tolerance for chronic conditions." [The Daily Beast]
• Rihanna was in Venice for her manager's wedding, and naturally, she posed with and signed an autograph for an Italian monk. He looks incredibly happy. [Daily Mail]
• "Jude Law is refusing to see his newborn daughter until a DNA test proves he is the father, according to new reports." [Daily Express]
• Has Jude Law banned interviewers from asking him about his new daughter? A source says yes, and that's why he didn't talk about it on Regis & Kelly. Jude's rep says "No subjects are banned." [Page Six]
• Jamie Kennedy has reportedly been cheating on Jennifer Love Hewitt with his ex-girlfriend, Shannon Funk. Funk was Britney Spears' assistant for a while. [Prz]
• Megan Fox told Nylon magazine that she thinks she's "really overexposed," which may be one of her most astute quotes ever. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Andrew Shue and the Today show's Amy Robach: Engaged. [People]
• Paris Hilton drove her new pink Bentley to the launch of a jewelry line, where the organizers offered her a free diamond pendant and she "begged and begged to take the matching earrings, too." Vivica A. Fox was at the same event and refused a free diamond bracelet, saying: "I'll buy it myself from my next paycheck." [Page Six]
• Kristen Bell hearts butterscotch pudding. [People]
• 75-year-old Larry King has been interviewing celebrities since 1985; his contract with CNN is set to expire in 18 months. Should he retire, who would take his place? Ryan Seacrest, Katie Couric and Joy Behar are reported contenders. [Page Six]
• Housewife Bethenny Frankel has been "gradually cutting ties" with the other housewives "since news that she'd get her own show on Bravo broke during the summer months." [Gatecrasher]
• Even though Marilyn Manson announced that he has the swine flu, his reps are denying that he is sick, which is just weird. [Gatecrasher]
• Justin Guarini was married over the weekend and the ceremony featured music by Radiohead, Paramore and Peter Gabriel — played by a string quartet. [People]
• Actress/model Angie Everhart denies that British royal Prince Andrew is the father of the baby boy she gave birth to in July. She says: "Just because I've been linked romantically with him in the past it doesn't mean I am still going to bed with him. Whether I am or not is nobody's business but ours… Kayden's daddy is someone who is not in the public eye." [Daily Express]
• This compilation of quotes from Robbie Williams is hilarious. [Guardian]
• "I never tried hard at anything. I was born smart on a very working-class estate. A couple of people I knew went to university apart from me, but all the way through I was the smartest kid in the school. That's luck, but I was proud of it. And I was also proud of doing well without trying. As you get older, and it took me a long time to realise it, that's a disgusting attitude, revolting. It's ignorant and it's a tragic waste, and I realised that the work itself is the reward. The struggle itself is the reward." — Ricky Gervais. [Guardian]
• "I knew my character was going to be pregnant the entire first season, so I figured it was a good time to have another kid." — Jenna Elfman, on being pregnant at the same time as her character in her new show Accidentally On Purpose. [USA Today]
• "The one through-line is the big accent and the in-your-face attitude. I'm definitely stereotyped and I'm very OK with that. I get super bored playing bland, normal girls." — Drea de Matteo, on playing a "tough broad" on Desperate Housewives, who sounds a lot like her Sopranos character. [Time]
• "I just passed my driving test. Took me 60 years, but I did it! For the first time in my life, I'm legal to drive, so watch out!" — Ozzy Osbourne. [MSNBC]
• "When I asked him what he envisioned, he mentioned Serge and Brigitte, Lee Hazlewood and Nancy Sinatra. So for me, I kind of saw it more as 'he said, she said' duets, as opposed to something that was just two people singing together. It's the kind of interplay between a male perspective and a female perspective, so they were a great example of that." — Scarlett Johansson on her duets with Pete Yorn. [NPR]
• "I wish a happy birthday to Sophia Loren, my splendid twin, and I ask her to stop wearing fur — that is the best gift she could offer me." — Brigitte Bardot, who, like Loren, turned 75 this week. [AFP]
• "She doesn't have a penis. She came to my house in her underwear and I saw no hint of a penis. She thought it was appropriate attire. She can get away with it. She knows what she's doing. She ain't no fool. She's brilliant. I think she's a good role model for girls. She plays with sex and makes it unsexy on purpose - so outrageous it's approachable."— Mika, on Lady Gaga. [ONTD via MTV.au]

• Conan O'Brien landed in the hospital yesterday due to an injury sustained during a Tonight Show stunt. A source says O'Brien was "running down a flight of stairs when he slipped and banged his head, possibly sustaining a concussion." [E!]

• Though the network has not yet released any details about Conan's condition or if he's been released from the hospital, they did release a statement allegedly made by O'Brien himself: ""Last thing I remember I was enjoying the play with Mrs. Lincoln and the next thing I knew I was in bed being served cookies and juice." [NYTimes]
• Conan was also cracking jokes during his ambulance ride to the hospital. Is it wrong that I hope he made a Nomi Malone/Showgirls reference regarding Jay Leno and the flight of stairs? [TMZ]
• The rumors about Lindsay Lohan trashing a hotel room during a fight with Samantha Ronson are apparently untrue, as Lohan was in Texas, not New York, when the fight supposedly broke out. [PageSix]
• Meanwhile, producers of Celebrity Big Brother UK are trying to line up Lohan for the last season of the show. [TheSun]
• Seth Rogen's dream came true when he was asked to co-write and lend his voice to the first episode of the upcoming season of The Simpsons, where he'll spoof his own Green Hornet experience by playing a trainer assigned to whip Homer into shape for a big budget action film. "As a writer, it always just seemed like the Holy Grail," Rogen says, "I can die a happy man now." [AP]
• Randy Quaid and his wife allegedly have their hotel bill-hopping scheme "down to a science," according to a Santa Barbara County Sheriff, who notes that the couple have pulled similar stunts before. [TMZ]
• Miley Cyrus will reportedly be movin her hips like yeah in the Sex and the City sequel: "Miley sees this as a transition from teen stardom to more adult roles," says a source, "We're all wondering how long it will take Kim to have Miley knocking back Cosmos and ogling all the men. Seriously though, all the girls are excited to have Miley on board." I think it will take 5 years, source! Because she's only 16 years old like yeah, so it's a straight edge party on the set in the USA while the cameras are rolling, know what I'm sayin? [ShowbizSpy]
• Afeni Shakur has donated over 150 pieces of her son, Tupac's work to the Robert W. Woodruff Library at the Atlanta University Center. The collection includes handwritten notes, lyrics, and poetry. [AP]
• Mary-Louise Parker is dating musician Charlie Mars. He's 10 years younger than she is, so get ready for 6-8 months of stupid cougar references. [People]
• Ashton Kutcher's The Beautiful Life, starring Mischa Barton, has been canceled by the CW after only 2 episodes. Sadly, no one has canceled the similarly-titled Ace of Base song from my brain since I read this item earlier this morning. [THR]
• Catherine Zeta-Jones and husband Michael Douglas shared a birthday yesterday; she turned 40 and he turned 65. "'When you live in Los Angeles you can't go anywhere without being critiqued - on the fact that you have gained weight or that you have got spots on your face. That's not the life I want," Jones says, "Deciding to live in beautiful Bermuda was the healthiest thing Michael and I ever did. Now that I have kids, that's what my life is about." [DailyMail]
• "I've been afraid of the dark my whole life. If I go into my house at night and the lights have been turned off... I have to run from the door to the light switch to turn it on... I'm just afraid of what I can't see. I watch a lot of paranormal shows, like Ghost Hunters... and they freak me out." -Megan Fox [DailyExpress]
• Brett Ratner had to convince producers to allow an autobiographical sex scene in his short for New York, I Love You, wherein a character loses his virginity to "a paraplegic dangling from a tree." Ratner, who apparently lost his own virginity this way, says "When I sent the original script, which is autobiographical, the producers would not let me film it because, in the original ending, she (the girl) is a cripple, and they have sex as she's hanging from a tree in Central Park. Everyone was freaking out over my short, so I changed it to where she wasn't a cripple, but an actress pretending to be a cripple." [DailyExpress]
• Jay-Z says that he's thankful his mother, Gloria, set up a meeting between him and his estranged father, whose absence caused a great deal of "resentment and anger" in his life, as it allowed him to better understand his father's choices. [ShowbizSpy]
• Michael Jackson admitted in an interview to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach that he was terrified of growing old and that he felt Madonna was jealous of him: "'I think she was in love with me and I was not in love with her." [DailyMail]
• Boteach also says that Jackson had "lost the will to live" and was embarrassed about his appearance, noting that he felt he looked like a "lizard." [Reuters]
• "I just hit 40, so what more can I say? I mean, the fact that I'm 40 is a miracle. I'm on the other side now."- Christian Slater [ShowbizSpy]
• J.K. Rowling has opened a Twitter account. Rita Skeeter has already sent her 82930283 direct messages, asking for scoops. [EW]
• And now for my favorite news ever: Snoop Dogg is a big fan of the 90s British sitcom Keeping Up Appearances: ""They still run the show on BBC America so I think Mrs Bucket must have some sort of cult following in the US. I still watch the show to this day and it makes me laugh so hard. She has to be one of the funniest people on TV." [TheSun]

• Tina Fey won the Emmy for Best Guest Actress in a Comedy last night for her portrayal of Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live.Accepting the award, Fey thanked her parents, "who are lifelong Republicans, for their patience." [AP]

• Justin Timberlake also won an Emmy for his guest stint on SNL, and Joss Whedon picked up an Emmy as well, for Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog. [E!]
• An insider claims that VH1 is scaling back on their reality programming after the tragic death of Jasmine Fiore at the hands of former VH1 contestant, Ryan Jenkins. "They are freaking out," says the source, "It's bad for their image to continue casting crazy characters. Producers realize the whole reality-TV thing has gotten completely out of hand. Two of their shows featured a murderer." [PageSix]
• Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself topped the box office Friday, bringing in 8.6 million dollars. [EW]
• "It's everything you could imagine and more."-Gossip Girl's Joanna Garcia on kissing her co-star, Chace Crawford. [People]
• Steven Soderbergh says he won't make an Ocean's Fourteen because Bernie Mac has passed away: "For me it was three (movies) and out but any possibility of ever revisiting that ended when Bernie Mac died. I don't think any of us would want to go back and do that without him, so that's it." [DailyExpress]
• "I remember people saying, 'Believe me, everything in your life is going to change…' And I thought, 'Why? That's such a bourgeois way of thinking.' And then you have a child and yes, everything changes. It affects the way we live, what we do and where we go – everything. And I wouldn't have it any other way."-Maggie Gyllenhaal [DailyMail]
• "Everyone's childhood shapes them, doesn't it, but often it's not until later in life that you realise you can choose to take bits of it with you, and reject other bits. People assume we had a crazy life, which we did, but it wasn't that crazy. On some levels it was quite normal. I mean we weren't like the Jaggers or anything, always hanging out with other celeb families. That would've been weird."-Jack Osbourne [DailyMail]
• "If you look around at girls who are older than me who are children of celebrities, hardly any of them have matured, hardly any of them have grown up to be… I wouldn't say decent human beings, but productive human beings. They are not bad people; they just don't do anything and I don't want to have a life where I don't have a reason to get out of bed every morning. And a reason to me isn't who I'm having lunch with at Fred Segal."-Kelly Osbourne [Guardian]
• Guy Richie plays guitar in an Irish ceilidh group and says "a good music session with these Irish lads is unbeatable. Better than any Madonna concert or anything." [DailyMail]
• After a media executive tore a picture of her in two, angry that she skipped an after-party for her new film at the Toronto Film Festival, Jennifer Connelly appeared in tears at a press conference the next day, explaining that she skipped the party in order to grieve the first anniversary of her father's death. The exec has since apologized. [EdmontonSun]
• 64-year-old Michael Douglas says that directors won't cast him as a romantic lead anymore. "No love-interest stuff for me now. I play the bad guy, the rough old villain. My character is that duplicitous meanie I somehow specialise in." [Telegraph]
• John Travolta and Kelly Preston made their first public appearance since the death of their son, Jett, nine months ago, in order to promote Travolta's new film, Old Dogs. [People]
• Elton John says that he's thinking of adopting a 14-month-old Ukranian baby: "David and I have always talked about adoption," he says, "David always wanted to adopt a child and I always said 'no' because I am 62 and I think because of the traveling I do and the life I have, maybe it wouldn't be fair for the child. But having seen Lev today, I would love to adopt him. I don't know how we do that but he has stolen my heart." [Reuters]
• "I think the way I behave is normal for someone my age and in my situation. I know a lot of guys in bands who go to awards ceremonies and get into the same sort of states that I get myself into, and that's not negatively reported on. So it feels kind of unjust."-Lily Allen [DailyMail]
• Jay Leno claims that NBC executives wanted him to turn over the Tonight Show to Conan earlier than he actually did: "Actually, they wanted me out in three years," Leno says the network told him five years ago, "I had to argue to get the other two." [UPI]
• "I don't hang out with Rob or Kristen.They are attractive humans, yes they are. I'm nice with Rob also. I look great with him too. I think I look better with Rob…Rob's awesome. I love him to death."-Kellan Lutz on his Twilight co-stars, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. [ShowbizSpy]