comicrelief - Jezebel

posts about #comicrelief more →
Sarah Haskins Targets Scary Home Security Ads
Gabby Sidibe Is Hilarious
"When Even Sex Is Like A Song I've Heard Too Often…"
"As The Internet & TV & Movies All Become One Scary Machine In Your Living Room, It’s Important That We All Have Some Level Of Media Literacy."
Sarah Haskins On Bizarre Beauty Contraptions & Why Marketers Don't Get Women
Sarah Haskins: Hot Chicks Love Smells
Sarah Haskins, Is Like, Totes Ready 2 Go Back 2 Skool
Sarah Silverman: "Who Cares If 90-Year-Old Jerry Lewis Thinks Women Aren't Funny?"
Sarah Haskins On Brooke Shields, "The Official Spokesperson For Women"
(500) Days Of Summer, Summed Up In One Pane Of A Comic

Your version of Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to the most recent version in order to view comments.

Dsmvwl Admin Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×

La Chica Lucy
11/13/09

In reply to Sarah Haskins Targets Scary Home Security Ads
Honestly, with the amount of false alarms (I've researched this for my PD), if you want to prevent a break-in, you're just as safe as having an alarm sign on your property - it's the sign that deters most (residential) burglars. Although even with businesses, the false alarm rate is quite high and a lot of police departments waste a lot of time responding to false alarms.

Also: Sarah Haskins fucking rules. #sarahhaskins
Reply

La Chica Lucy was starred La Chica Lucy was unstarred

clevernamehere
11/13/09

In reply to Sarah Haskins Targets Scary Home Security Ads
Here is my alarm story.

I was 14 and babysitting a two year old who did a runner while I was changing him. The door slammed closed behind me, but clever girl that I am, I managed to climb in a window with the naked two year old. Feeling quite proud of myself for getting back in the house, I went back to changing the kid until their was a knock on the door (small town, police come fast). The obviously very bored police were annoyed that I didn't have any id, being 14 and all. The finally decided I wasn't a teenage mother burglar when I suggested we go to my mom's house 2 blocks away so she could vouch for me.

And the family never had me babysit again. #sarahhaskins
Reply

clevernamehere was starred clevernamehere was unstarred

ImperfectLit.Woman
11/14/09

@clevernamehere: Wow, and maybe its a good thing they never asked you to babysit since they didn't seem to be so understanding. #sarahhaskins
Reply

ImperfectLit.Woman was starred

GoldenRatioφ (aka -girl11)
11/13/09

In reply to Sarah Haskins Targets Scary Home Security Ads
A woman in LA was just murdered by an abusive boyfriend while the police were outside investigating the domestic violence call she put in to them. They witnessed the stabbing through the window, and were able to shoot and kill her attacker. Of course, she still died.

So, no, women are not safe anywhere, and I'm not sure a call from Rick with Broadview is really going to deter a stalker/violent ex or acquaintance.

Alarms may, however, deter burglars. But instead of portraying that, these ads just play on our fear of men, even though I really doubt they help to deter violent men. #sarahhaskins
Reply

DearJamie
11/13/09

@GoldenRatioφ (aka -girl11): The people who make these ads aren't really trying to portray an accurate image of what happens when your house gets broken into, like you said. They are counting on women who have been assaulted, raped, beaten, mugged, etc, before to see the ads and be scared into buying an alarm for a sense of false security in case their attacker/rapist/what have you returns. Honestly, when I think of ways that someone could break into my house to try and rape me or kill me, for whatever reason, I think of them silently coming in through an unlocked window, and trying to find an unlocked door. Not fully kicking my front door down, alerting me and my security system that I'm about to be raped/killed. I hate these ads. Why don't they ever show some dude alone at night in his bed, and then the front door gets kicked in and the alarm goes off? Women aren't the only ones who are targeted for these types of crimes. And why don't they ever show a criminal trying to silently come into your house, I don't know, maybe just to steal all your shit? Ughh. #sarahhaskins
Reply

La Chica Lucy promoted this comment DearJamie was starred DearJamie was unstarred

Pizza!Pizza!Pizza!
11/13/09

In reply to Sarah Haskins Targets Scary Home Security Ads
Rape fables. Rables! Raples? #sarahhaskins
Reply

Pizza!Pizza!Pizza! was starred

awinoforever
11/13/09

@Pizza!Pizza!Pizza!: i love sarah haskins for calling those ads for what they really are - rables it is!

don't even get me started on her 'university of looking like a caucasian burglar'
Reply

toastandlove promoted this comment Edited by awinoforever at 11/13/09 5:40 PM awinoforever was starred awinoforever was unstarred

toastandlove
11/13/09

@awinoforever: My boyfriend graduated summa cum laude from U of LaCB.

Scruffy half-beard? Check. Hoodie? Check. #sarahhaskins
Reply

toastandlove was starred toastandlove was unstarred

pear.shaped.Sara
11/13/09

In reply to Sarah Haskins Targets Scary Home Security Ads
Y'all, here's a security measure I've taken recently that had never before crossed my mind and I thought I would share:

I have a garage door opener for my parents' house when I visit. Now, when I go inside, I take the opener with me – the neighborhood has had a sudden spree of people smashing the windows of cars parked in driveways and then using the openers to get into the garage/house. #sarahhaskins
Reply

pear.shaped.Sara was starred pear.shaped.Sara was unstarred

funnyface
11/13/09

In reply to Sarah Haskins Targets Scary Home Security Ads
Not only is AJ the creepy date way likelier to drug your drink than he is to kick your door in, I heard on like NPR or PBS (because let's face it, I get almost all my info from one of those two) about what a cost these alarm systems are to taxpayers. Every time the alarm goes off and police or fire people have to respond, it costs the taxpayers money, and most of the things they have to respond to with these alarms are false alarms.

Onto the general idea of being a woman and never being safe: that's so where I'm at this week. I've heard of four assaults on my campus in the last 2 weeks, on the dark streets I walk daily. I'm really freaked out and had a breakdown in a parking garage Wednesday night. All the school seems to say is "be vigilant." As if we women are ever NOT effing vigilant. I'm always vigilant. Being vigilant is exhausting. #sarahhaskins
Reply

funnyface was starred funnyface was unstarred

Caeristhiona
11/13/09

@funnyface: Amen to that. I remember trying to explain to my boyfriend why I needed him to go with me to the grocery store after dark, or else just call in pizza for dinner. It never occured to him that there would be any problem walking around alone after dark in our cute little beachside village -- he does it all the time -- and he thought I was just being lazy and not wanting to go shop.

But then again, rape statistics don't usually apply to him. #sarahhaskins
Reply

funnyface promoted this comment Caeristhiona was starred Caeristhiona was unstarred

Little Bumble Bee aka:Alwaystheangel
11/13/09

@funnyface: I know what you mean. I just got a security bar installed on my bedroon window. Theres a rapist in my area that has been sneaking through women's bedroom windows or forcing their way through the door after the woman opens them. My parent's friend has a gun license and he bought me some (illegal for me to possess) pepper spray for when I walk the dark alley from campus back to my home. I can't believe that I even feel the need to do this, but I'd rather take the risk of getting in trouble with the law for assaulting someone with my illegal pepper spray than getting raped. #sarahhaskins
Reply

funnyface promoted this comment

elvy
11/13/09

@funnyface: "Being vigilant is exhausting." Totally agree with you there. The other day I refused to walk down a dark creepy street; I was with my husband. I am just so conditioned to be on guard all the time...
and it pisses me off that I can walk anywhere I want, as long as I have a "big strong" man by my side. #sarahhaskins
Reply

funnyface promoted this comment elvy was starred elvy was unstarred

funnyface
11/13/09

@Alwaystheangel: It sucks that pepper spray is illegal where you live! It's legal where I am, and I'm planning to get some this weekend. #sarahhaskins
Reply

funnyface was starred funnyface was unstarred

funnyface
11/13/09

@elvy: I feel ya. My boss has offered to give me rides so I don't have to walk to the parking deck in the dark ever again, but it pisses me off that I would NEED that. The fact that society is so stacked against women thus that we always have to wonder if we're safe pisses me off. #sarahhaskins
Reply

funnyface was starred funnyface was unstarred

Little Bumble Bee aka:Alwaystheangel
11/13/09

@funnyface: Canada= no concealed weapons. Most of the time I am glad for that law, key word is "most" lol #sarahhaskins
Reply

curiousgeorgiana
11/13/09

In reply to Sarah Haskins Targets Scary Home Security Ads
Oh, and Brinks/ Broadview-- the "known attacker" commercials are really annoying.

The times my stalker ex-boyfriend got his hands on me, they didn't involve him breaking down the door. He got me in the parking lot, at my place of work, and then was sitting on my bed after convincing my apartment complex to give him a key.

Your loud alarm and phone call would not have helped me so stop playing to people's fears. #sarahhaskins
Reply

curiousgeorgiana was starred curiousgeorgiana was unstarred

Pizza!Pizza!Pizza!
11/13/09

@curiousgeorgiana: And that party guy could have just as easily pretended he'd forgotten something inside. #sarahhaskins
Reply

Pizza!Pizza!Pizza! was starred

curiousgeorgiana
11/13/09

@Pizza!Pizza!Pizza!: Seriously. Dudes are crafty. #sarahhaskins
Reply

curiousgeorgiana was starred curiousgeorgiana was unstarred

huls
11/13/09

@curiousgeorgiana: i don't know how to private message people so i'm just writing it here: i seriously just want to bake you a cake (unless you're team pie, boohiss!) and hug you. you're my hero CG. #sarahhaskins
Reply

curiousgeorgiana promoted this comment huls was starred huls was unstarred

curiousgeorgiana
11/13/09

@huls: Scroll all the way up to the top of the page and you should see your user name-- click on it and then the tab "Messages". There will be one from me ;o) #sarahhaskins
Reply

curiousgeorgiana was starred curiousgeorgiana was unstarred

EdnasEdibles
11/13/09

In reply to Sarah Haskins Targets Scary Home Security Ads
I have Broadview security. The last time I accidentally set it off, it took a good 10 minutes for them to call and then I forgot my secret password so then another 15 minutes later the police showed up. A.J. would have had enough time to make a skin suit out of me. With zippers. #sarahhaskins
Reply

EdnasEdibles was starred EdnasEdibles was unstarred

Pizza!Pizza!Pizza!
11/13/09

@EdnasEdibles: LOLz. I mean, that sucks, but you made me laugh! #sarahhaskins
Reply

Pizza!Pizza!Pizza! was starred

curiousgeorgiana
11/13/09

In reply to Sarah Haskins Targets Scary Home Security Ads
These are all incredibly annoying.

Worse still was the Kay's commercial last night: Women is afraid of the thunderstorm (yes, a thunderstorm). Man will protect her. And give her pretty necklace.

[www.kay.com] #sarahhaskins
Reply

curiousgeorgiana was starred curiousgeorgiana was unstarred

AfroJezeBella
11/13/09

@curiousgeorgiana: I am irrationally afraid of thunderstorms. However jewelry does nothing to calm me down. #sarahhaskins
Reply

curiousgeorgiana promoted this comment AfroJezeBella was starred AfroJezeBella was unstarred

curiousgeorgiana
11/13/09

@AfroJezeBella: I don't know-- a diamond might distract you for a minute though. #sarahhaskins
Reply

curiousgeorgiana was starred curiousgeorgiana was unstarred

memphreblues
11/13/09

@curiousgeorgiana: I HATE THAT COMMERCIAL!

She reacts to that storm like a nervous puppy, and only the power of his manly diamond arms can quell her lady fears. #sarahhaskins
Reply

curiousgeorgiana promoted this comment memphreblues was starred memphreblues was unstarred

curiousgeorgiana
11/13/09

@memphreblues: It really is like a bad romance novel. YUCK. #sarahhaskins
Reply

curiousgeorgiana was starred curiousgeorgiana was unstarred

AfroJezeBella
11/13/09

@curiousgeorgiana: No, my fear of loud noises and bright lights is greater. I would knock him down to get AWAY from the window and under the covers in bed with earphones on. #sarahhaskins
Reply

AfroJezeBella was starred AfroJezeBella was unstarred

Caeristhiona
11/13/09

@curiousgeorgiana: I don't know, I might show these to my boyfriend in hopes that he will buy me presents every time it gets rainy.

Manipulate the patriarchy to your advantage, ladies!

/culturesnark #sarahhaskins
Reply

curiousgeorgiana promoted this comment Caeristhiona was starred Caeristhiona was unstarred

lindsay.juarez
11/13/09

@curiousgeorgiana: Did you not get a creepy vibe from that ad? The bf and I kept waiting for it to turn into a horror movie preview. It definitely doesn't make me want their diamonds
Reply

curiousgeorgiana promoted this comment lindsay.juarez was starred lindsay.juarez was unstarred

curiousgeorgiana
11/13/09

@lindsay.juarez: It did seem like the boyfriend would be pulling out a knife as soon as she turned around. #sarahhaskins
Reply

curiousgeorgiana was starred curiousgeorgiana was unstarred

Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd)
11/13/09

In reply to Sarah Haskins Targets Scary Home Security Ads
I'm a little bitter because I wrote about these ads on my blog a few weeks ago, but I'm also happy that I'm not the only one driven up the wall by them. #sarahhaskins
Reply

rodmanstreet
11/13/09

In reply to Sarah Haskins Targets Scary Home Security Ads
WHOA! Did you see that lady jump off the treadmill MID-RUN at 2:38?? I get dizzy and fall down when the treadmill is off! How the hell did she do that? #sarahhaskins
Reply

rodmanstreet was starred rodmanstreet was unstarred

A Small Turnip
11/13/09

@rodmanstreet: I get dizzy and fall down at the mere thought of getting on a treadmill, so you're still way ahead of me, Rodman. But I am safe from baddies who come after treadmill-jumping ladies, which is an enormous relief. #sarahhaskins
Reply

A Small Turnip was starred A Small Turnip was unstarred

colormeroutine
11/13/09

In reply to Sarah Haskins Targets Scary Home Security Ads
I really like how the attackers in all of these commercials are able to kick in the front door with a single thrust. Perhaps you should skip the security system and invest in a door that actually locks and is not made out of cork board. #sarahhaskins
Reply

colormeroutine was starred colormeroutine was unstarred

bbug
11/13/09

@colormeroutine: I know...with a Brooklyn-style wrought-iron security gate in front of the door, this would not be an issue. #sarahhaskins
Reply

colormeroutine promoted this comment bbug was starred bbug was unstarred

colormeroutine
11/13/09

@bbug: My wrought-iron security gate is reinforced with a sheet of plastic so you can't pick the lock between the bars. I am golden. #sarahhaskins
Reply

colormeroutine was starred colormeroutine was unstarred

BornYesterday
11/13/09

@colormeroutine: Once a drunk homeless man tried to kick down my kitchen door, and/or the window next to it and couldn't manage to break either. He finally gave up after about 10 minutes and WAVED goodbye to me as he left, just as the police arrived. Take that, Broadview. #sarahhaskins
Reply

A Small Turnip promoted this comment BornYesterday was starred BornYesterday was unstarred

Jack_Burton
11/13/09

@colormeroutine: Or get a dog- they make noise and bite nasty boys. #sarahhaskins
Reply

Jack_Burton was starred Jack_Burton was unstarred

EdnasEdibles
11/13/09

@colormeroutine: I know, it's bad enough that these ladies are going to be murdered but also now their surviving relatives are going to have to replace the doorframe, that shit is expensive. #sarahhaskins
Reply

EdnasEdibles was starred EdnasEdibles was unstarred

A Small Turnip
11/13/09

@BornYesterday: I love this. Bless him, he did try, though, didn't he? #sarahhaskins
Reply

A Small Turnip was starred A Small Turnip was unstarred

Cairn
11/13/09

@colormeroutine: Most residential lock systems are only screwed into, at best, a quarter-inch piece of trim around the door. Doors are extremely easy to kick in. For security (in addition to upgrading your lock), you need to use three-inch decking screws so that your lock is firmly fastened to the studs. Same with the hinges. #sarahhaskins
Reply

colormeroutine promoted this comment Cairn was starred Cairn was unstarred

colormeroutine
11/13/09

@Cairn: Seriously? That's really surprising to me. Every place I have ever lived in has had some SERIOUSLY heavy-duty doors. Usually double doors as well. Same for most of my friend's homes. But then, I've always lived in NYC #sarahhaskins
Reply

colormeroutine was starred colormeroutine was unstarred

EdnasEdibles
11/13/09

@Cairn: This is true. Safety-wise, they almost have to be somewhat easy. My upstairs neighbor left food in his oven and went out for the night. It caught on fire, setting off alarms. The fire department had his door kicked in right away and put the fire out. Thank God. #sarahhaskins
Reply

EdnasEdibles was starred EdnasEdibles was unstarred

Cairn
11/13/09

@colormeroutine: If you have some spare time, take out the screws from your strikeplate (the metal piece in the doorjamb) that the tongue of the lock hits. Mine were about an inch long. And, there are only two of them! That's all that's holding the door "locked". Two short screws against a good hard kick? I think not.

But, if you've got a good steel door with a steel jamb, then you're good to go. #sarahhaskins
Reply

Cairn was starred Cairn was unstarred

maude_flanders
11/06/09

In reply to Gabby Sidibe Is Hilarious
Man--I hope she has a long and happy career, if she's really as fun and down-to-earth as she sounds here.
Reply

Edited by maude_flanders at 11/06/09 6:01 PM maude_flanders was starred maude_flanders was unstarred

Snowbunny
11/06/09

In reply to Gabby Sidibe Is Hilarious
What is Helen Mirren's malfunction? Chicken wings FTW.

And it's so true about Mariah. #gaboureysidibe
Reply

Snowbunny was starred Snowbunny was unstarred

Le Sighing My Way Through Life
11/06/09

@Snowbunny: Totally! I read that and thought, "Being paid in chicken wings sounds awesome!" #gaboureysidibe
Reply

wynniepiglet
11/06/09

@Le Sighing My Way Through Life: Currently looking for a job, so I saw this and thought: "If I could walk to the place, I probably would do a few hours of work for some decent buffalo wings." #gaboureysidibe
Reply

hellosunshine promoted this comment wynniepiglet was starred wynniepiglet was unstarred

hellosunshine
11/06/09

@wynniepiglet: I'm unemployed and would totally put in a few hours for some buffalo wings. Mmmmm. #gaboureysidibe
Reply

hellosunshine was starred hellosunshine was unstarred

hughman
11/06/09

In reply to Gabby Sidibe Is Hilarious
also from this interview - "I’ve been traveling so much lately, so whenever I’m home, which is usually only for one or two days, I declare it Pajama Day. "

oh gabbie ( which i call her now because in Hughman World she and i are BFFs ) i would so live by your declarations. we would wear our PJs and dance and put silly clothes on your oscar. then we could prank call oprah and hang up when she answers because we are both afraid of her. #gaboureysidibe
Reply

hughman was starred hughman was unstarred

Earlier discussions Other discussions Show all discussions Show featured discussions only Start a new discussion

SUBSCRIBE TO Jezebel

Login

Reset Password

Register

Submit Your Comment