As always, the ads change, but the message remains the same: If you're a woman, you're never safe: You're a potential victim; you shouldn't trust anyone, and if you act now, a prince will save you from your tower hunky security guys - or policemen - will rescue you from any scary situation.

Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Broadview Security [Current]
Target Women: Broadview Security [HuffPo]

Earlier: We Hate It When That Happens
Security Systems And The Culture Of Fear
Brinks: Home Security For Modern Day Damsels In Distress

The Precious star is asked if she gets star struck. She answers:

Totally! And by the most random celebrities. Steve Buscemi was at one of our premieres, and I was like, Holy shit! It's Steve Buscemi! My big creep moment, however, came early on while filming Precious. Paula Patton, who stars in the film, is married to Robin Thicke, who I love. He's so tall. He came to set and hugged me, like a good seven or eight times, and I nearly died. But I kept it cool. I kept it together. And then he left, and I started crying, like sobbing.

On the first time she met Oprah:

We were in a small room with low ceilings. All of the suits that are associated with this film were pushing me towards her. But I'm scared of her, so I'm shifting backwards. But she sees me, and keeps inching closer and closer. She can't get to me fast enough, because she's Oprah and everyone wants to talk to her. I'm the only idiot in the room trying to get away from her. Finally, I'm backed into a wall and she gets to me. She hugs me and then I see her mouth moving, but I hear nothing. All I remember is that her favorite color is green. I always wear purple and she was wearing purple one day, and I think I said, Oprah, stop stalking me! And she said, "Purple is a very pretty color on you. Everyone thinks it's my favorite color, but really, it's green." That's all I remember.

On meeting Mariah Carey:

The first time I saw her was at Lee Daniels' apartment. She walked in and behind her I saw a trail of glitter and diamonds-but that's my perception of her, because she's Mariah. All that vanished on the second day of filming when I realized she's just a girl. Maybe it helps that I saw her without makeup, wearing polyester clothing.

On meeting Helen Mirren:

Helen Mirren didn't end up [being in Precious], because she got a real offer that paid her money instead of chicken wings.

‘Precious' Star Gabourey Sidibe Talks Mariah, Mo'Nique, & Oprah [BlackBook]

But first: Have you ever been convinced that technology from Europe will make you more beautiful? I haven't. But for some reason beauty companies think women will fall for that shit.

The instant facelift ones are the worst, because they really prey on the aging, as if there's anything you can do about aging. And Sarah's right: If you had money, you'd get surgery, but you don't! So you waste it on stuff that will never work. Sigh.

By the by: I saw this Rejuvenique commercial one night AND COULD NOT SLEEP FOR THREE YEARS AFTERWARD.

Kidding. Sort of. Anyway, Sarah Haskins was asked about all the crazy crap that's marketed toward women. She says:

A lot of people ask me like, how can marketing to women be better? And my default answer is, I don't want it to better, this is my job.

But seriously folks!
She also explains:

I think the big problem, though, stemmed from the fact that everything is - the products are very clearly divided into genders, either because of something with our gender roles, like laundry, or maybe, you know, they find the angle being weight loss, and that's a lady thing, so that goes to yogurt. I mean, that's what the yogurt ads are about, weight loss and, like, regularity.

And:

I was an American studies major in college and we learned about the cult of true womanhood, which was sort of what women were told in the media in like the turn of the century in the Victorian era at that time, which emphasized this piety and purity and submission and domesticity, and how the women sort of control the hearth. And from that, you know, they control the home. And I think the legacy of that has not changed. It's still with us in the media and we've just added to it. Certainly a lot of women's products are still like, do it for your man.

And now I think what's been added to it in a modern mix is this all sense of like, fem-powerment - like you go, girl. You are jogging, you know? And that shouldn't be our prime goal: jogging and going to yoga class without having cramps.

She also admits she likes the Geico commercial where a cash stack with little eyeballs sings to you. It's a gender-neutral idea! But, she says: "I don't think anything — when it's going after women particularly, in trying to frame them in a certain way to make you buy the product — is really going to not be ridiculous in some way." And the proof is in the Target: Women pudding.

Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Beauty Contraptions [Current]
Why Marketers Are Wooing Women All Wrong [NPR]

Earlier: All Sarah Haskins posts
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins

Burgers, cable, deodorant, hair dye… The ad agencies pitch these products to men with the promise of hot chicks, even if that premise is preposterous. Do dudes really think that if they order mini-burgers, a gaggle of gals will instantly appear? Probably not. But "sex sells" is the oldest trick in the book, especially for badvertising.

Sarah Haskins in Target Women How to Get Hot Chicks [Current]

Earlier: All Sarah Haskins posts
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins

Kids today are being targeted with all kinds of brands. When I was in elementary school I'm pretty sure I wore Buster Brown shoes and whatever my mom picked out. There was no "blingitude" involved.

Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Back 2 School [Current]

Earlier: Previous Sarah Haskins posts

Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins

Haskins says it's all about the "Mom-amorphasis."

Tracie's take? That her career has come full circle.

It is curious that Brooke has gone from Pretty Baby to talking about her babies, and that all kinds of companies (teeth whitening! Volkswagen!) think that she is uniquely qualified to reach out to American women. Is there something that makes her seem trustworthy? Likable? Is it because she's been in the business for such a long time? Maybe since we're used to seeing her face, we feel like we know her. She couldn't possibly lie to us — not about eyelash growth!

Target Women: Brooke Shields [Current]
Related: Why Is Brooke Shields In Every Commercial?

Earlier: All Sarah Haskins Posts
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins

Yes, "husband doofiness" can put a real strain on a marriage. And, just like we discussed yesterday, can you imagine what would happen if you replaced the man in these ads with a woman? If the wife were portrayed as the bumbling idiot and the husband was constantly rolling his eyes? It would be so very 1950s, and so very offensive. Even stranger is how in beer and deodorant commercials, guys are fun and carefree — because they're single. In diamond commercials, men are romantic and loving. But in household product commercials? Men are ignoramuses who must be saved by savvy wives.

Anyway: Hey! Look who's one of 10 Screenwriters to Watch!

Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Doofy Husbands [Current]
Emily Halpern & Sarah Haskins [Variety]
Earlier: All Sarah Haskins Posts
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins
Related: Channeling Stereotypes Of Men & Women On TV

Hair care commercials are super serious! Or filled with questions we would ask, if we weren't so "hair-stupid." By the way, you spend your time flipping and swirling your tresses under a spotlight, don't you? Of course you do. Check out the hare-brained ads in the clip, below:





Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Hair [Current]
Earlier: Sarah Haskins posts
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins

Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Charm School [Current]

Earlier: All Sarah Haskins Posts
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins

From candles to broth to shoes, ladyfriends are always sharing tips:





In an interview with Mother Jones, Haskins explains her use of the word "lady":

I started using the word "Lady" as a joke, and to point out how some things are very obviously marketed to women and yet they don't mention that. Like cleaning products-it's so rare to see a guy in a cleaning commercial. Everything about the domestic sphere is still primarily aimed at women as if women were still, in every family, absolutely responsible for the care of the home, and working women didn't exist. Other silly efforts to market at women include Sarah Palin. The Republicans so transparently chose her because she was a woman and there was this misguided idea that all the angry Hillary Clinton voters would flock to her.

Sidebar: Back when we interviewed Haskins, she admitted that Amy Poehler was one of her comedy heroes — so it's great news that Poehler (as mentioned in Dirt Bag) will star in Lunch Lady, a flick based on a children's graphic novel series — with a script co-written by Sarah Haskins. Yay!

Sarah Haskins In Target Women: Lady Friends [Current]
MoJo Interview: Comedian Sarah Haskins [Mother Jones]
Amy Poehler Sets 'Lunch' Date [The Hollywood Reporter]
Earlier: Once Upon A Time, Sarah Haskins Was Sold A Story
Me-Ouch! Sarah Haskins Gets Catty About TV Cougars
Sarah Haskins: "Laundry. It's The Woman's Drug Of Choice"
Sarah Haskins On Michelle Obama's Arms: Welcome To The Pun Show
Sarah Haskins Tackles Tough Love
Sarah Haskins Helps Women Name Their Lady Parts
Sarah Haskins Explains The Sheer Evil Of Carl's Jr. Ads
Sarah Haskins Learns Valuable Lessons From Busty Blonde: Barbie
Sarah Haskins Overwhelmed By Oscars "Ex-Plosion"
Sarah Haskins Calls Out Jez Commenters
New Year, New You: Sarah Haskins Teaches You How To Diet
Sarah Haskins Wishes You Happy Period Control
Diamonds Are Not Sarah Haskins' Best Friend
Sarah Haskins Worries That Ann Curry's Life Is In Danger
Car Commercials Drive Sarah Haskins Crazy
Sarah Haskins Takes On The Disney Princesses
Sarah Haskins: Fiber Is Secret Code For Making You Poop
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins

Even when they have the buying power, women are damsels in distress! Clip below.

Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Story Time [Current]

Earlier: Me-Ouch! Sarah Haskins Gets Catty About TV Cougars
Sarah Haskins: "Laundry. It's The Woman's Drug Of Choice"
Sarah Haskins On Michelle Obama's Arms: Welcome To The Pun Show
Sarah Haskins Tackles Tough Love
Sarah Haskins Helps Women Name Their Lady Parts
Sarah Haskins Explains The Sheer Evil Of Carl's Jr. Ads
Sarah Haskins Learns Valuable Lessons From Busty Blonde: Barbie
Sarah Haskins Overwhelmed By Oscars "Ex-Plosion"
Sarah Haskins Calls Out Jez Commenters
New Year, New You: Sarah Haskins Teaches You How To Diet
Sarah Haskins Wishes You Happy Period Control
Diamonds Are Not Sarah Haskins' Best Friend
Sarah Haskins Worries That Ann Curry's Life Is In Danger
Car Commercials Drive Sarah Haskins Crazy
Sarah Haskins Takes On The Disney Princesses
Sarah Haskins: Fiber Is Secret Code For Making You Poop
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins

Bernhard admits that there will be new stuff in the show: "There have been a lot of changes in the last 20 years. I have a 10-year-old daughter. So I talk about being a mother. Technology. Whatever's in the moment." Of Sarah Silerman, Bernhard says, "She's fine. She suits her generation. But I want to see something else."

When it comes to Kabbalah, Bernhard swears she's not as into it as she once was: "I went in 1995 before there was any hoopla and I got the best out of it. Then the wheels started to fall off. I'm not nearly as involved with that place as I was. Unfortunately, money corrupts everything, even spirituality. And it's hard not to get caught up in the excitement of glamour and fame." And as for the Kabbalah water? "When they started selling it, it seemed very gimmicky to me as I'm sure it did to most people."

And as for the state of young artists today, Bernhard is not very optimistic:

Now, nobody goes on Letterman and becomes an overnight sensation. You can do your thing on the Internet, you can do a reality show, but those things aren't really reflective of somebody's talents. I mean, look at Kathy Griffin. She was bumming around for a long time doing comedy but she was willing to go there and make a complete fool of herself. And that's the appetite of the American public. They want their performers totally stripped down and vulnerable so they can go 'look at that idiot.' I can't say these are great times for young artists. There's no longevity. Lady GaGa? I just don't see any of the stuff lasting for very long.

The reporter points out that Madonna and Cyndi Lauper both went to Lady GaGa's recent show, and Bernhard replies, "They don't want to fall behind. They go, 'Uh oh, I better do this,' or, 'Uh oh, I better do that' so that they can stay relevant. I enjoy listening to music where I don't have to see the person. If I have to see the person to enjoy it, I'm not that interested."

Stand Back: Sandra Bernhard Speaks Her Mind [WWD]

[Image by Marcus Dawes via WWD]

Yes, the "cougar" lady participating on this shitshow - who, by the way, is 40 - says it is "really empowering" to have all of these guys vying for her attention. As Haskins points out, "Age ain't nothing but a number. A really awkward number." But! As Barbara Kantrowitz and Pat Wingert ask in Newsweek, "Do 50-year-old women really want the sex life they had at age 25?" No one cares! They're too busy making up animal names with which they can describe the chicks — er, LADIES. Clip below.

Sarah Haskins in Target Women: The Cougar [Current]
Counter-Cougar Thinking [Newsweek]
Earlier: Sarah Haskins: "Laundry. It's The Woman's Drug Of Choice"
Sarah Haskins On Michelle Obama's Arms: Welcome To The Pun Show
Sarah Haskins Tackles Tough Love
Sarah Haskins Helps Women Name Their Lady Parts
Sarah Haskins Explains The Sheer Evil Of Carl's Jr. Ads
Sarah Haskins Learns Valuable Lessons From Busty Blonde: Barbie
Sarah Haskins Overwhelmed By Oscars "Ex-Plosion"
Sarah Haskins Calls Out Jez Commenters
New Year, New You: Sarah Haskins Teaches You How To Diet
Sarah Haskins Wishes You Happy Period Control
Diamonds Are Not Sarah Haskins' Best Friend
Sarah Haskins Worries That Ann Curry's Life Is In Danger
Car Commercials Drive Sarah Haskins Crazy
Sarah Haskins Takes On The Disney Princesses
Sarah Haskins: Fiber Is Secret Code For Making You Poop
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins

Haskins notes that the soap pushers make laundry seem like the most amazing thing you can do. And notice how there are never any men in the ads? Clip below.

Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Laundry [Current]
Earlier: Sarah Haskins On Michelle Obama's Arms: Welcome To The Pun Show
Sarah Haskins Tackles Tough Love
Sarah Haskins Helps Women Name Their Lady Parts
Sarah Haskins Explains The Sheer Evil Of Carl's Jr. Ads
Sarah Haskins Learns Valuable Lessons From Busty Blonde: Barbie
Sarah Haskins Overwhelmed By Oscars "Ex-Plosion"
Sarah Haskins Calls Out Jez Commenters
New Year, New You: Sarah Haskins Teaches You How To Diet
Sarah Haskins Wishes You Happy Period Control
Diamonds Are Not Sarah Haskins' Best Friend
Sarah Haskins Worries That Ann Curry's Life Is In Danger
Car Commercials Drive Sarah Haskins Crazy
Sarah Haskins Takes On The Disney Princesses
Sarah Haskins: Fiber Is Secret Code For Making You Poop
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins