With Americans increasingly skeptical of high-fructose corn syrup and artificial sweeteners alike, what's a soda company to do? Well, Pepsi and Coke both want to sell us on new "natural" drinks made with sugar stevia, instead. Don't you feel better about those liquid calories?

A Venezuelan woman was arrested at Madrid airport after it was discovered that she was carrying 1.7kg—about 3.75lb—of cocaine in her breast implants—like inside her body. Talk about a drug bust! (Ba da bum.)

Today’s trend in marriage proposals; say it with soda. A man named Donnie McGilvray asked for his girlfriend’s hand in marriage with six Coke bottles he’d personalized with the message “Beautiful Eloise Will You Marry Me.” There was no question mark, but we forgive you, Donnie.

Apparently, Diet Coke's new ad campaign: "You're on!" is drawing fire for being a terribly irresponsible and naughty DRUG REFERENCE FOR DRUGGIES. Sometimes the billboards say, "Diet Coke. You're on." And sometimes they say, "You're on. Diet Coke." But either way, they're clearly talking about your brain being on…

It's easy to make fun of the Daily Mail, but those of us who indulge in the practice often forget about paper's razor-sharp journalistic instincts, which are nowhere more evident than in this latest gem of a story about a British woman who, at one point in her acid trip of an adulthood, was consuming 50 cans of Diet…

Even though a health risk has never been found before, the FDA is conducting a study regarding the safety of caramel coloring. You know, the stuff in Coke, Diet Coke, Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, Root Beer and Brisk iced tea. Uh oh.

Super sexy gourmand Nigella Lawson is entangled in a legal mess involving her ex-husband and two former longtime assistants who alleged in court proceedings this week that "Higella"—as her ex is now referring to her—used cocaine, pot, and prescription pills "daily" for last 10 years. Girl can party.

Well, this is some real bullshit. Mexican Coke is ditching its key ingredient, cane sugar, for high-fructose corn syrup. This is objectively awful.

Cocaine could make people more susceptible to contracting HIV, according to a new study. Without reading it, I'm assuming this has to do with how cocaine also makes people more susceptible to butt sex.

A new ad for Coca Cola advises drinking the brown flavored bubbly corn syrup water isn't unhealthy at all — instead, it's a part of a wholesome, healthy lifestyle like the kind your grandfather enjoyed before he died of lung cancer from all the smoking people did in the 1950's and 60's.

Guys, are you a sad sack piece of crap with delusions about your looks, talent, and abilities who can't be counted on to perform the most basic of tasks? Well then, Coke Zero is for you!

Here's the new Coca-Cola commercial, in which the brand brags about all it's doing to help people consume fewer calories: "Across our portfolio of over 650 beverages, we now offer over 180 low and no calorie choices," the narrator explains. If you like, you can also watch the new Coca-Cola commercial explaining how…

Coca-Cola is the world's number one beverage company, and known for ad campaigns that equate soft drinks with joy. From "Have a Coke and a Smile" to "open happiness" and the Happiness Machine, Coca-Cola has always focused on positivity. But in new commercials hitting the air starting today, the brand will do something…

In an effort to educate consumers about the stark realities of carbonated syrup, soda giants are rolling out new vending machines that will prominently feature calorie counts. Coke, Pepsi, and Dr. Pepper will all launch their new machines in 2013, and also plan to focus aggressively on developing new diet drinks.

We've been hearing so much lately about how terrible soda is. It contains all kinds of crazy chemicals and also a concentrated dose of pure evil that keeps you coming back for more. But did you know that your soda also contains alcohol? Alcohol alcohol? Like the good kind that gets you drunk? Yep, that's what a French…

Boxes of tampons aren't usually like Cracker Jacks, where you expect to find a prize inside. But one woman in Utah recently discovered that her tampons came with an added bonus of some free cocaine. Anybody ready for a period party? Umm, yeah, not so much. Anyway, after purchasing a sealed box of tampons at a local…

A 30-year-old New Zealand "Coca-Cola addict" suffered a heart attack and died, due to insufficient potassium and (possibly) excessive levels of caffiene brought on by her 8- to 10-liter per day Coke habit.

A new study shows that coke addiction might look different depending on the gender of the addict. While ladies are more likely to crave the drug in response to stress, guys seem to want coke in response to ... coke.

Somewhere there is a drug dealer who is really pissed that 30 pounds of his choice coke has gone missing. But if he wanted it so badly, he shouldn't have mailed it to the United Nations. The cocaine was sent inside fake diplomatic pouches, and ended up in the UN's mailroom last week. People there immediately…