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New York, 1:02 PM
Wed Dec 9
70 posts in the last 24 hours

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  • posts about #cocktease more →

    Is Beyoncé's New Song About Jay-Z's Penis?
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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of Scout Scout
    05/22/09

    In reply to Is Beyoncé's New Song About Jay-Z's Penis?
    "Stuff it! Pack it!.....make it fit!"


    that is my idea of a better (more fitting) Chorus

    for this most ridiculously, craptastically stupid

    (not stoopid) song


    c'mon Beyonce....have you just given up?

     Reply
    Scout was starred Scout was unstarred
    Image of EKane EKane
    05/22/09

    In reply to Is Beyoncé's New Song About Jay-Z's Penis?
    I read a "groupie story" about Jay-Z, and the girl that had sex with him said he had a penis like "a 20-ounce bottle." I hope this won't be disemvoweled but I hear Jay-Z doesn't have a tiny penis...
     Reply
    EKane was starred EKane was unstarred
    Image of prestocaro fears the culling prestocaro fears the culling
    05/22/09

    In reply to Is Beyoncé's New Song About Jay-Z's Penis?
    OK, say what you will about the songwriting, but this song totally got me over the ridiculously huge I-10 bridge in Baton Rouge (over the MS river). It was so silly and preposterous that I was distracted enough to get on the bridge without thoroughly freaking out. And once you're on, when you have a bridge phobia, that's half the battle.

    That aside, yes, it is an awful song, but so are like 80% of the songs on this album -- those are the ones to which I work out.
     Reply
    prestocaro fears the culling was starred prestocaro fears the culling was unstarred
    Image of SylvanSylph SylvanSylph
    05/22/09

    In reply to Is Beyoncé's New Song About Jay-Z's Penis?
    Wait, does Beyonce actually write her own songs? How would some random songwriter dude know about Jay-Z's member?
     Reply
    SylvanSylph was starred SylvanSylph was unstarred
    Image of Meglantine Meglantine
    05/22/09

    In reply to Is Beyoncé's New Song About Jay-Z's Penis?
    I may have thought she was saying "eagle."


    Ahem, ego. Yes. That makes more sense than owning a large eagle.

     Reply
    Meglantine was starred Meglantine was unstarred
    Image of samethingwedoeverynightpinky samethingwedoeverynightpinky
    05/22/09

    In reply to Is Beyoncé's New Song About Jay-Z's Penis?
    Oh B, I want so badly to love you, but you gotta stop doing stuff like this.
     Reply
    samethingwedoeverynightpinky was starred samethingwedoeverynightpinky was unstarred
    Image of lalaland13 lalaland13
    05/22/09

    In reply to Is Beyoncé's New Song About Jay-Z's Penis?
    It could have been worse. It could have been a song called "Peenylicious."
     Reply
    lalaland13 was starred lalaland13 was unstarred
    Image of gangey gangey
    05/22/09

    In reply to Is Beyoncé's New Song About Jay-Z's Penis?
    Um, if her husband's penis is "too big, won't fit", wouldn't that kinda hamper the sex life? I mean, I'm all about "just right" myself. But whatever.


    I guess now we know why they don't have any kids yet?

     Reply
    gangey was starred gangey was unstarred
    Image of tscheese tscheese
    05/22/09

    In reply to Is Beyoncé's New Song About Jay-Z's Penis?
    "Everything you own in a box to the left"


    THIS PERVY INNUENDO STUFF NEVER GETS OLD. Is this a new LOLgenre?

     Reply
    tscheese was starred tscheese was unstarred
    Image of Ascendo_tuum Ascendo_tuum
    05/22/09

    In reply to Is Beyoncé's New Song About Jay-Z's Penis?
    I read a 'review' of him on that groupie website that someone posted on here a while back. The girl said "It's so big, it blocks out the sun...and he has no idea what to do with it."
     Reply
    Ascendo_tuum was starred Ascendo_tuum was unstarred
    Image of bluebears bluebears
    05/22/09

    @Ascendo_tuum: um what groupie website?? link?
     Reply
    bluebears was starred bluebears was unstarred
    Image of Ascendo_tuum Ascendo_tuum
    05/22/09

    @bluebears: www.backstagepazz.com
    The person who originally linked it did so because there is a 'review' of Shia LeBeouf on there, but some of the other ones are SO funny.
     Reply
    Ascendo_tuum was starred Ascendo_tuum was unstarred
    Image of bluebears bluebears
    05/22/09

    @Ascendo_tuum: thanks!
     Reply
    bluebears was starred bluebears was unstarred
    Image of EKane EKane
    05/22/09

    @Ascendo_tuum: I just wrote about this!

    [www.backstagepazz.com]
     Reply
    EKane was starred EKane was unstarred
    Image of StarSquid StarSquid
    05/22/09

    @Ascendo_tuum: this is amazing. thanks for sharing!
     Reply
    StarSquid was starred StarSquid was unstarred
    Image of TakeADeepBreath TakeADeepBreath
    05/22/09

    In reply to Is Beyoncé's New Song About Jay-Z's Penis?
    A lot of times, I feel the need to defend Beyonce on this site, I love her, but this song is garbage.
     Reply
    TakeADeepBreath was starred TakeADeepBreath was unstarred
    Image of tscheese tscheese
    05/22/09

    @TakeADeepBreath: Oh, I think she's genuinely talented, and she seems to be very level-headed (she seems to live sanely, and doesn't have very public personal problems like some other starlets.)


    But...the lyrics? Sometimes? OH GOD. I just want to be like "B, you have a lot going for you, but you can do better than this."

     Reply
    tscheese was starred tscheese was unstarred
    Image of SomeAuthorGirl SomeAuthorGirl
    05/22/09

    @TakeADeepBreath: Agreed * 10. I'm going to pretend I never heard it and go back to crying while wailing "If I Were A Boy" in my car.
     Reply
    SomeAuthorGirl was starred SomeAuthorGirl was unstarred
    Image of zombie.nancy is a godess of fierce zombie.nancy is a godess of fierce
    05/22/09

    @TakeADeepBreath: agreed. it's worse than 'beautiful liar'
     Reply
    zombie.nancy is a godess of fierce was starred zombie.nancy is a godess of fierce was unstarred
    Image of Ipomoea Ipomoea
    05/22/09

    @TakeADeepBreath: This just makes me feel better about my decision to pretend the 'Beyonce' disc of "I am... Sasha Fierce" doesn't exist, and continue to play 'Diva' until the CD player rebels.
     Reply
    Ipomoea was starred Ipomoea was unstarred
    Image of Snowbunny Snowbunny
    05/22/09

    In reply to Is Beyoncé's New Song About Jay-Z's Penis?
    I like that she found a video format that works for her.


    Leotard; big hair; two back up dancers; energetic dancing.


    MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS Here she comes!

     Reply
    Snowbunny was starred Snowbunny was unstarred
    Image of malmalone malmalone
    05/22/09

    @Snowbunny: She found the format years ago. Beyonce Solo = Beyonce's Destiny's Child.
     Reply
    malmalone was starred malmalone was unstarred
    Image of Snowbunny Snowbunny
    05/22/09

    @thelonegunwoman: I actually hadn't thought of that...


    I loved Destiny's Child

     Reply
    Snowbunny was starred Snowbunny was unstarred
    Image of merv merv
    05/22/09

    In reply to Is Beyoncé's New Song About Jay-Z's Penis?
    He's got 99 problems but a small penis ain't one.
     Reply
    merv was starred merv was unstarred
    Image of Understater Understater
    05/22/09

    In reply to Is Beyoncé's New Song About Jay-Z's Penis?
    If you like it, when you shoulda put a ring on it.
     Reply
    Understater was starred Understater was unstarred
    Image of tscheese tscheese
    05/22/09

    @Understater: Hahaha, jinx! Apparently ALL of Beyonce's songs are 1829% funnier when they are about p33ns.
     Reply
    tscheese was starred tscheese was unstarred
    Image of Kivrin Kivrin
    05/22/09

    @Understater: A C-ring, specifically.
     Reply
    Kivrin was starred Kivrin was unstarred
    Image of tscheese tscheese
    05/22/09

    In reply to Is Beyoncé's New Song About Jay-Z's Penis?
    There are certain things that, if you like them, then you should put rings on them.
     Reply
    tscheese was starred tscheese was unstarred
    Image of Breamworthy Breamworthy
    05/22/09

    @tscheese: Or scrunchies.
     Reply
    Breamworthy was starred Breamworthy was unstarred
    Image of TildeMarks TildeMarks
    05/22/09

    @Breamworthy: Or possibly a bib.
     Reply
    TildeMarks was starred TildeMarks was unstarred
    Image of Breamworthy Breamworthy
    05/22/09

    @TildeMarks: Oh god, I do not even want to contemplate what the saying on that cockbib would be.
     Reply
    Breamworthy was starred Breamworthy was unstarred
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