A new study supports what that kid slouching in the back of math class with the black clothes and the copy of Das Kapital always claimed: smart people are more likely to do drugs.

A woman has come forward to accuse boxer Oscar de la Hoya of coercing her into sex while he snorted coke and quoted Charlie Sheen. Oh, but that's not the really shocking thing.

Latex is okay, booze is fine, preposterous platforms? Hell yes. But don't do coke, Lady Gaga chides. She was on Howard Stern's show yesterday, and said: "To any little sweethearts that are listening - don't touch cocaine, it's the devil." She explained her coke snorting days thusly: "I think that I was lonely and…

Welcome to Jezebel After Midnight, in which we indulge in sexy sex talk.

An article in today's New York Observer makes the bold claim, "Young New Yorkers no longer care about having sex." Lord help us all.

Every Wednesday, we play Midweek Madness, in which we "read" the tabloids, so you don't "have" to. This week, Star creates a "Down Syndrome Drama" for Angelina's twins and Lady Gaga does cocaine to get ideas like "meat dress."

• The video for Britney Spears' new single, "Hold It Against Me," should be premiering aaaaaaaany minute now.

• As we know, Oprah found her long-lost sister. They laughed, they cried, they went on teevee and held hands. But what we don't know is how Oprah's BFF Gayle King feels about all this.

A midwestern mother received a vacuum cleaner for Christmas, along with a surprise gift of $280K worth of drugs someone had stashed inside. First Clay Matthews's confusing roided-up-Fabio-joins-a-crappy-metal-band hairdo, and now this? Strange things are afoot in Green Bay.

• More on this in Midweek Madness: Life & Style is reporting that before she entered a treatment center, Demi Lovato had become a big fan of cocaine.

Ola Mae Agee was convicted of selling crack cocaine to an undercover cop last week. The 87-year-old had set up a drug business from her home in Pensacola, Florida.

• In the December issue of Marie Claire UK, Rihanna says that she doesn't regret what happened between herself and Chris Brown back in 2009.

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which Margaret and I search for pearls of truth in oceans of magazines. This week, Angelina Jolie's former drug dealer gets a moment in the spotlight, J-Woww gets a makeunder and Obama gets old.

A drug dealer — always a trustworthy news source — claims that Angelina Jolie was on cocaine during an interview with Charlie Rose in 2000 to promote Girl, Interrupted.

Specifically, "on the [actual] set of Empire, in the ice planet," says Carrie Fisher. [AFP]

• Paris Hilton has been charged with felony cocaine possession.

Last night's episode was so boring. The hour crawled by as we watched an unhappy Sam tossing her hair, talking about Ron, and having a tenuous grasp on the definition of "done." I'd rather watch Angelina fart on Snooki.

The best thing about Johnny Weir? Not his skating, his artfully coiffed hair, or his unabashed love of Chanel. It's his ability to create instant soundbites. Weir has a gift for spouting insane, enjoyable, marvelous proclamations.

• Prince William MIGHT ask Kate Middleton to marry him tomorrow, since June 3 and June 4 are "mysteriously blocked out" in the Buckingham Palace calendar.