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Happiness: The Only Contagious Thing Worth Catching

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Thistledew
12/07/08

In reply to Happiness: The Only Contagious Thing Worth Catching
I'd like to think i'm drawn to happy people and consider myself happy most of the time. I just moved though so i've found i've let some toxic people in simply for companionship.
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CinemaFat
12/07/08

@Thistledew: I've struggled with that too. Right now I'm a hermit, and part of me doesn't want to let anyone in because I've trusted some pretty toxic people in the past. Now when I meet someone who I do want to let in, I'm always weary that they could turn out to be psycho.

I loved reading this thread because I rarely get to see others express how I feel, all the people I know are really outgoing and confident and when I hang out with them I feel like the disparity is blatantly obvious.

The only thing that's helped me in the past was meditation. I bought this DVD from amazon and it includes a little yoga in the beginning and then some meditation. For the first time in my life I walked onto campus and felt like I belonged there, I truly felt a connection with all the people around me and without even interacting with them (normally I would feel extremely disconnected and like I wasn't really supposed to be there). Alas, I stopped doing it and am in a slump where I keep saying "I should meditate today" and then don't. I guess I should say "I will meditate today."
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SBJ
12/07/08

In reply to Happiness: The Only Contagious Thing Worth Catching
Well, I'm glad we settled that!
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Trixie from Toronto
12/07/08

In reply to Happiness: The Only Contagious Thing Worth Catching
Hortense: This explains so much.
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LadySoprano is a Fat-Fighting Superwoman
12/07/08

In reply to Happiness: The Only Contagious Thing Worth Catching
I find myself drawn to happy cats. Like my new one, Harley (so named because he purrs like a Harley--constantly).

[4.bp.blogspot.com]
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squirrelcop
12/07/08

In reply to Happiness: The Only Contagious Thing Worth Catching
The happiness of friends, family, and acquaintances can definitely be a mood-lifter. I am not generally comfortable with eternally happy folks as I like a wee bit o' pessimism/reality/cynicism thrown into the mix. Talking to friends experiencing happy phases does seem to rub off if you're not in completely opposite places emotionally. In my worst moments I will go into hermit-mode so as not to spread the doom and gloom around.
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Plum-Pie
12/07/08

@squirrelcop: I have a perpetually happy friend - he manages it by ignoring a lot of stuff!
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whatsername
12/07/08

In reply to Happiness: The Only Contagious Thing Worth Catching
I've had (or have) depression, social anxiety, extreme shyness and the side effects of being a dork most my life. I am though, attracted to people who make me laugh and who laugh with me. Misery and company is like Bush and a good Iraq strategy - fucking miles apart. When I was severely depressed (I have a chronic condition), I had NO ONE. I was the most alone in my life. Seriously, lost everyone around me and then moaned that I was alone (think Renee Zellweger and the weather metaphor in Cold Mountain). Then I went into therapy and the long freaking hard slog toWARD happiness, and its amazing how many more people I have in my life and want to have me in theirs. Dudes, this is so much better.
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DangerMouse
12/07/08

@whatsergem: Congratuations--it sounds like you're coming along. I think the transition into being able to laugh even just a little is wonderful. :)
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BlondeGrlz
12/07/08

In reply to Happiness: The Only Contagious Thing Worth Catching
I think I'm more affected by random happy people - like at the store checkout, or the gym, or my dental hygienist - than by my friends. When you're talking to your friends the conversations always include positives and negatives (I met a new guy!...but he hasn't called since Friday), but when you're interaction with someone is only two minutes long their joy seems so surprising and contagious.
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million.dollar.mouth.
12/07/08

@BlondeGrlz is having a BlondeBoyz!: Me too. When someone who does not have to be nice to me IS nice to me, I tend to "pay it forward" and be happier and nicer to random people.
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Plum-Pie
12/07/08

@BlondeGrlz is having a BlondeBoyz!: This is so true. On my birthday, about 4 years ago, 2 really close friends refused to come out - one was too hungover from the previous night and the other was a bit short of money and refused to cross town for 1 drink.

On the way to the place where the rest of us were meeting, I had two very cheery conversations with strangers - a young couple looking for an illegal warehouse party (OK, they weren't merely cheery, they were high) and one with some women who had tried to use an ATM which was broken and the screen had frozen on 'The balance of your account is £15,000. Which service do you require?' and the way that those people just let me share in their joy a little bit, made me feel so much better.

Another thing worth saying is that I was a very cynical person for a long time and my head was often somewhere else, even if my body was eating it's favourite food or dancing to it's favourite tune. Now, although my inner young person sometimes cringes when I publically use expressions like 'share their joy', I am so much happier.
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gerbilsoutofexile...is cheap and easy
12/07/08

In reply to Happiness: The Only Contagious Thing Worth Catching
Smile and the world smiles with you.

Harumph.

*wanders off to deal with migraine and grumble*
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Penny
12/07/08

In reply to Happiness: The Only Contagious Thing Worth Catching
I am a firm believer in the hippie-dippy notion that being nice to everyone makes the world a better place. Not fake-nice, just....nice. It's really not that hard. Don't let your moods influence how you treat the person ringing you up at the grocery store. The only people who should be privy to your bad moods are those closest to you.
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jenalicious
12/07/08

@Archetype: i couldnt agree more.. happiness is definitely contagious. plus, it takes so much more energy to be bitchy.
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lollier
12/07/08

@jenalicious: I whole-heartedly agree with this. I don't understand why it's so hard for some people to not be raging assholes.
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rocknerd
12/07/08

In reply to Happiness: The Only Contagious Thing Worth Catching
I guess this has a nice message of mutual benefit of friendship. If you help you friend through an unhappy time, than you are more likely to be happy. I guess that is a good way to think about friendship.

However what really sticks out to me is that an important part of the study was analyzing social networking. Imagine how Facebook could be used in social science research. If they could find an ethically suitable procedure with incentives to use data from facebook in social science studies, imagine the research opportunity!!!
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Plum-Pie
12/07/08

@rocknerd: I keep being told that people use FB to snark at the subsequent misfortune of people who bullied them at school.
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gherkinfiend
12/07/08

@Plum-Pie: Funnily enough, the girl who bullied me most at school found me on Facebook recently and told me how fabulous I was looking...

Her bullying left me with insecurities about my looks since then and her comment made me realise she had just been being a stroppy teenage mare rather than me being ugly. My confidence instantly improved and all without having to snark! (But that was my original plan...)
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Plum-Pie
12/07/08

@gherkinfiend: Aw, that's sweet.

Never attribute to malice what can be explained by ignorance or krazee teenage hormones.
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gherkinfiend
12/07/08

@Plum-Pie: I think realising that a lot of things in life aren't actually about you, but about the person doing them, is a very valuable lesson in life too.

Less likely to dwell on them and more likely to be happy!
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JazzednJersey
12/07/08

In reply to Happiness: The Only Contagious Thing Worth Catching
I guess that explains why I don't speak to my neighbor across the street. I was there for her 24/7 during her divorce and her daughter's drug addiction. I was literally developing an ulcer. Things finally settled down for her, and then my family had a bad car accident where I was injured badly and couldn't walk for 2 months. The bitch NEVER even called to ask how I was!!!!!!!!!! I have a nurturing personality, but have learned to avoid joy-sucking parisites.
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million.dollar.mouth.
12/07/08

@JazzednJersey: Any tips on how to aviod those kind of people? I seem to attract them like stink to shit.
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JazzednJersey
12/07/08

@sammyboombaladdy: Learn to say no when asked to do too much, and not to offer too much of yourself in the first place. Everyone goes through hard times, and I am all for helping a friend in need, but need to step back a little and realize when it's all too much. The shit I went through with my neighbor affected my family, because there was just so much drama, and that is just not acceptible to me anymore.
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lollier
12/07/08

@sammyboombaladdy: I have this problem, and have learned to recognize these people earlier on in the relationship than I used to. I attract joy-suckers and crazies like no other, but now I am getting better at seeing it sooner rather than later.

It's a practiced talent.
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million.dollar.mouth.
12/07/08

@JazzednJersey: Thanks. I am totally the kind of person that gives too much in the beginning--before I really know someone, and thier intentions, and I end up getting really depressed when they are not there for me like I was for them....."NO" is a word that I need to use much more often.

@lollier888: I am gonna start practicing....
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sour.neuroses
12/07/08

In reply to Happiness: The Only Contagious Thing Worth Catching
Not sure about this one at all. I mean, the exposure I have to happy people makes me feel even worse about my unhappy state. I read a few blogs on a daily basis and the authors of these blogs project happy moods. I've found myself really doubting their honesty. Isn't that awful?!
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whatsername
12/07/08

@sour.neuroses: I felt like that too. I think of it as being ready to be around happy, otherwise it just pissed me off more because when I was in my dark pit days I was hyper cynical and doubted the integrity of everything - I called that The Hating Me/Self. I dunno. I'm just sharing my experience. Its different for everyone.

But I don't think its awful because I think(!) I know where you're coming from. All the best.
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gherkinfiend
12/07/08

In reply to Happiness: The Only Contagious Thing Worth Catching
I wish happiness was contagious...I only seem to be affected by other people's crappy moods.

But I think that's because I'm a natural pessimist and not naturally inclined to make friends with eternally cheery folk.
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bananaballs
12/07/08

@gherkinfiend: I wouldn't say all pessimists are unhappy. I'm pretty cynical, but not unhappy. Does that make sense?
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gherkinfiend
12/07/08

@bananaballs: good point. Pessimists aren't neccessarily unhappy...but I think they are more prone to melancholy to say the least...
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Plum-Pie
12/07/08

@bananaballs: Realistic expectations: U haz them.
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Plum-Pie
12/07/08

@gherkinfiend: A lot of good stuff in life is small. I think a percentage of pessimists (definitely not you) are focussing on the wrong stuff.
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Kali Mama
12/07/08

In reply to Happiness: The Only Contagious Thing Worth Catching
What do you mean, drawn to people?
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bananaballs
12/07/08

In reply to Happiness: The Only Contagious Thing Worth Catching
I would consider all of my friends "happy" people, even if they are going through a rough time. Unhappiness happens to everyone, but I think a lot could be said for how the person handles their unhappiness, through their demeanor and general attutide. I've had friends who wanted to drag you into their misery, and others who just said, Meh, I need some time to deal. The ones take everyone down the misery spiral with them tend to be the Plutos, I would say. Affection is seldom unconditional.
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