In this clip, J tells the story of how he came out to his mother, or rather, how his mother pulled him out.

Whoopi and Sherri bring up a good point when asking Carrie if she was a Christian when she made her sex tape, and trying to explain to her how people could see hypocrisy in preaching about how others should live according to her Christian values, and then not complying with them herself. This point, however, was lost on her: she simply focused on how mean Perez Hilton was to her.


Later in the interview, Carrie became flustered and even more defensive when Barbara asked her about a portion of her book that claims that describes Donald Trump's behavior—which she intimates was inappropriate—around the women in the pageant.

A fully clothed Lezzie Lizze Maguire smooched The Boring Dude. Then she puckered up with The Chick Nobody Likes. Then The Boring Dude snogged The Chick Nobody Likes. A beat. A look. Cut to: An illuminated phallic symbol. That was it. In its entirety. I'm not saying I wanted more, but there was so much hype!

Oh, actually, there was more:
Three people SLEEPING in one bed? The SCANDAL.

These desperate ploys to draw viewers (Tyra's stint!) are wearing as thin as this season's storylines. What I liked about the books (and the show… at first) was the portrayal of incredibly wealthy, privileged NYC high school students with messy, complicated lives… the same, universal teen angst seen in classics like The Catcher In The Rye and Sixteen Candles. The characters proved that money can't buy you love, security, a good seat in the cafeteria (or the Met steps). But watered-down claptrap like the "threesome" — and the fact that most of the characters aren't in high school anymore cheapens the experience.

Also? Threesomes are so '90s.

Earlier: Is Gossip Girl The Best Show Ever? It Could Be, If They'd Let It

Why is it that all the women on The Insider panel were telling him not to pose for Playgirl, and the only one in favor for it was the dude? Shut up, Star Jones! Some of us want Levi to unbutton his fly.

In this clip, Portia explains when she knew she was in love with Ellen, and why she was reticent to come out of the closet.


Here, the couple discusses how their lives and well-being have been positively affected by coming out of the closet, and how their love for each other overcame Portia's fear of public rejection concerning her sexual orientation.

Although they are only three days into treatment, Kari Ann has spent the entire time in bed. She repeatedly denied any drug use, but Dr. Drew wasn't so convinced. He felt that her moodiness and fatigue were signs of withdrawal, and that she invented a laundry list of excuses—literally, one of the errands she wanted to run was to do her laundry—to leave rehab for the day to find her stash and use. She called her manager and told him that she wanted to leave the show/facility for good, despite his pleas. (He'd be out of his 10% if she did.)

Khloe's mom Kris took on the planning of the event and, in the process, tried to influence Khloe to opt for a color scheme that was more flattering to herself; decided that the meal would be steak (which Khloe doesn't eat); and dominated the wedding registry with her own selections, including silverware priced at $750 per setting, which, Khloe pointed out, her friends would never be able to afford.


Bruce Jenner, Khloe's stepdad, wasn't very enthusiastic about the engagement when he first learned about it (on the evening news), but came around eventually. He gave a really touching toast at the rehearsal dinner, and teared up when discussing the promise he made to Khloe's late father.


Kim managed to get over herself and decided that she was going to support Khloe, but there still seemed to be a bit of tension there.


All was forgiven, though, when Khloe basically handed the bouquet toss to Kim.

After an entire season of having his sleep interrupted by Betty, the baby, and Conrad Hilton, Don finally had to wake himself up. This seemed to be one of the themes of this episode, as Don put all his effort into to saving Sterling Cooper, and came to terms with the fact that he couldn't do the same for his failed marriage.


When his relationship with Connie was severed after the news that Sterling Cooper and its parent company were being sold, Don was justifiably bitter, saying, "You come and go as you please, and you don't care that my future is tied up in this mess because of you." It's ironic that it completely escapes Don that he just verbalized exactly how Betty feels about their marriage.

Connie replies, "I've got everything I have on my own. It's made me immune to those who complain and cry because they can't. I didn't take you as one of them, Don. Are you?" He's not. And Connie's speech was the horse kick in the head Don needed to stop feeling sorry for himself and start feeling empowered as a man who is actually in control of his own destiny.

Like Connie, Don is immune to those who "complain and cry" at the idea that they don't have something of their own—namely, Betty.


But unlike Connie—who took a shine to Don because he saw a piece of himself in the creative genius—Don, at times, resents in others what he does himself. Seriously though, didn't you reflexively rubberneck and think, "Who you callin' a whore?" It isn't even a pot/kettle situation: Betty hasn't even consummated her relationship with Henry Francis yet. (And yes, she did fuck that guy in that bar that one time, but her extramarital bedpost is still relatively intact compared to Don's, which has been whittled down to a toothpick at this point.)

More ridiculous was Don's insistence that Betty should see a doctor because she hasn't been "herself". The fact of the matter is that she hasn't been herself during the entire marriage—and possibly for her entire life. She's been the woman she was told she should be. The change Don has seen is evidence that she's actually been getting in touch with herself and her wants and her needs, and she's realizing that Don doesn't fulfill them. She was right when she said she deserved more.


But Don was right, too. Betty built herself a life raft in order to jump ship from her marriage. Don wasn't exactly the whole problem—depending on him to make her happy was. And now she's going to depend on Henry. Will she have to go through a second divorce to realize that what she wanted and needed was independence?


Which brings us to Peggy. Earlier, Roger told Don, "You're not good at relationships because you don't value them." Don's relationship with Peggy in this episode mirrored that of his relationship with Betty. He doesn't ask, he just assumes that she'll follow him around "like a nervous poodle," and everyone thinks he does all her work, even him. He's taken her for granted, saying, "There's not one thing that you've done here that I couldn't live without." She lets him know that she's had other offers—just like Betty.


But unlike his interactions with Betty, Don tries hard to win Peggy back. Like many people, Don subconsciously places more importance on the work that Peggy does more than the work of a housewife. It's interesting how in every scene in his office, Peggy always sat on the right, and Don—in the power position—on the left. Now their roles are reversed. And he says everything to Peggy that he should've been saying to his wife, like, "I've been hard on you, but only because I think I see you as an extension of myself. And you're not."

Perhaps Don took Roger's comment about valuing relationships to heart, because he stresses to Peggy, Pete, Lane, and Roger how indispensable they each are. He seems to know exactly what to say to everyone to make them feel valuable—except for his own estranged wife.


Or his children, for that matter. Although he does try.


Still, his efforts are paying off in some ways. Peggy needed that validation from Don, and now she's sure of her worth—and it doesn't involve fetching coffee for Roger.


Joan—and Roger—however, always knew exactly how valuable she was, and is.


Trudy's pretty valuable, too. She's becoming a Lady MacBeth of sorts, and is proving to be instrumental to Pete's success. It's yet to be seen if he knows this.


Unfortunately, though, the eldest Draper kids are merely afterthoughts. Are they really gonna live with Carla for those whole six weeks that Betty is in Reno?


At the end of the episode, the closing song included the lyrics, "The future is much better than the past. In the future, you will find a love that lasts." Betty's face seems to imply otherwise. Like Don said, "Something happened—something terrible—and the way that people saw themselves is gone." We shall wait and see.

Swift started the show with a musical monologue, wherein she dropped a few references to her ex-boyfriend, Joe Jonas, and her rumored boyfriend, Taylor Lautner, as well as an expected zinger about Kanye West:



My favorite bit of the night was Firelight, a Twilight parody that replaced sparkly vampires with love-struck Frankensteins (well, technically, love-struck Frankenstein's monsters), mostly due to Swift's Kristen Stewart impression: she has the lip-biting and hair-tucking down pat.



In this "teen driving PSA," Taylor plays "Samantha Samuels," a concerned teen driver who calls out parents for their dangerous driving activities, such as "driving while lecturing" and "driving while revealing family secrets." I have a soft spot for dorky teen sketches, so this one made me laugh quite a bit:



Amy Poehler made a surprise appearance on Weekend Update for a round of "Really?! With Seth And Amy," and as happy as I was to see her (I think they need someone else on the Weekend Update desk to balance out Seth Meyers), the bit seemed a bit off, for some reason.



Abby Elliott also dropped by Weekend Update as "Sarah McLachlan," in order to spoof the singer's incredibly depressing (yet apparently quite effective) ASPCA commercials. It was nice to see female cast members other than Kristen Wiig getting a bit of screen time this week.



As usual, SNL trots out "The View" in order to give a role to a female host; this time, Swift was cast as guest host Kate Gosselin. Her Gosselin impression is okay, but the real highlight of the skit is new cast member Nasim Pedrad's Barbara Walters impression, which is pretty great.



The soundtrack for "Bunny Business" gave the cast a chance to show off various impressions, including Kristen Wiig as Natalie Merchant, Taylor Swift as Shakira, and Andy Samberg as Adam Duritz.


Overall, I thought it was a pretty good show; recurring characters such as Kenan Thompson's "Scared Straight" prisoner and Kristen Wiig's "Penelope" made appearances, but Swift did a good job holding her own in these sketches and making them watchable, even though we've basically seen them a million times before. Swift seemed to be having a lot of fun throughout the show, and her enthusiasm seemed to spread to the rest of the cast. The show wasn't perfect, but it was a lot of fun, and as I said earlier, it was great to see the women of the show who aren't Kristen Wiig get a chance to show their stuff. Here's to hoping next week's episode, starring Mad Men's January Jones, can keep things moving in the right direction.

In the first part of Sawyer's interview with Rihanna, the singer admits that she and Brown "fell really fast" in love and that "the more in love we became, the more dangerous we became for each other. Equally as dangerous...because, it was a bit of an obsession." The picture of Rihanna's battered face is shown; Rihanna admits that she feels "embarrassed, angry, and humiliated" every time she sees it.

Brown, meanwhile, says he doesn't know what he was thinking when the attack occurred, and he consistently speaks of the future and "moving past this." He claims that he wants to turn the situation into something positive and to "become the kind of person" he wants to be. He also claims to be "confused" about the public perception. "I mean, I'm human," he explains, saying it hurts when people say negative things about him. He actually seems surprised that people are calling him a "woman beater" and telling him they don't like him. When he apologizes publicly, he says, it's for the fans...and the sponsors.


Sawyer then asked Rihanna if Brown had hit her before that now-infamous night; Rihanna's answer is a bit disturbing, as she admits that yes, Brown shoved her into a wall, but she downplays the act, noting "It wasn't a fight." She also admits that her mother was beaten often by her father. "Domestic violence is not something that people want anybody to know, so, she would just hide it in the house," Rihanna explains, before admitting that she "always said" she'd never date anyone like her father. She also explains why she felt the need to protect Brown after the media explosion, why she temporarily went back to him, and why she eventually left, stating that when she "realized that my selfish decision for love could result into some girl getting killed...I could not, I could not be easy with that part. I couldn't be held responsible for telling them 'go back.' Chris—even if Chris never hit me again—who's to say that their boyfriends won't? Who's to say that they won't kill these girls? These are, these are young girls. I cannot—I just didn't realize how much of an impact I had on these girls' lives until that happen. That was a wake-up call. That was a wake-up call for me, big time."

Brown says that "anger" triggered him to beat Rihanna, and that he's come to terms with what he's done. "I don't want to be that person," he says. He claims that he "enjoys" his domestic violence classes and that he's learning about making better choices and controlling his anger. "It actually helps you go into dissecting what went wrong," he says.

After noting that he's received support from several celebrities, Brown notes that his classes have put his "head into perspective and put my head on straight about who I am as a man and who I'm gonna be." Brown's answers are all the same; he's constantly repeating the same sentence, with the words flipped. He focuses everything on himself and his career (he rarely even mentions Rihanna's name) and seems to want to spin things toward the public's inability to forgive him, as if the real tragedy at this point is that people won't move on, even though he has. He fails to recognize, I suppose, that he does not get to decide how the public feels about him at this point, and this actions have consequences that he's still going to have to deal with, whether he wants to or not.


Rihanna claims that she's never listened to the apology song Brown wrote for her, and that Brown's apologies sound like "he's been reading off of a teleprompter." She ends by stating, "I am strong. This happened to me. I didn't cause this. I didn't do it. This happened to me, and it can happen to anybody. And I'm glad it happened to me, 'cause now I can help young girls who are going through it. Don't react off of love. Eff love. Come out of the situation and look at it third-person and for what it really is and then make a decision, because love is so blind."

1.) Toes
Tyra had guests this week who get fake toenails put on.

And there were these idiots, who pay $65 a session to have their toes read.

2.) Mariah
She made the talk show rounds. She stumbled on Leno.

Then she went on Larry King Live, where she blinged out his logo.

And then smelled her tits.

Also, Larry serenaded her.

3.) "Where are you?"
Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew premiered this week. One of its cast members, Nicole Narain, was on The Joy Behar Show, where she answered Joy's question a little too literally.

4.) What happens when you slouch in Judge Judy's court.

5.) Cougars
The Insider is taking this taking this cougar thing way too far. Although, I do like the little glimpses of Wasilla townies we get.

Niecy Nash is now literally referred to as "the resident cougar," and for the past two weeks, she's been going on dates with younger men.

Is this supposed to be sexy? Chest stubble and exaggerated nipples?

It reminds me of when Homer got plastic surgery so that Marge wouldn't leave him for a younger man.

And his nipples cried.

6.) Heather from Rock of Love on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
She played a hooker.

7.) Why did Sandals have to ruin a perfectly lovely song?

8.) Jon Gosselin implied that he's on the same professional level as Mary Hart.
And she didn't like it.

9.) Kirstie Alley on her coke days.

10.) Michelle Obama is fun.

The player in question, Elizabeth Lambert, punches one player in the back and yanks another player to the ground by her ponytail.

Radar Online calls their clip of the incident "Watch Elizabeth Lambert, The Dirtiest Player in Women's Soccer." Adding:

Lambert's aggressive, dirty play was displayed on ESPN's national stage during her team's 1-0 loss Thursday night to Brigham Young University, and the results — unlike her — weren't pretty.

See, it's incredibly important to comment on an athlete's looks! Especially if she is female. The Radar piece also claims that:

[the] attractive 20-year-old blond displays some of the most violent behavior we've ever seen on any level of sports.

O RLY? More violent than boxing? Or MMA? Or does it only seem violent and newsworthy because women are involved, and they're not acting like delicate princesses? If men were in this clip, would it even have made it onto SportsCenter?

True/Slant's Dundas makes an excellent point:

Thousands of women devote millions of hours to their collegiate [soccer] careers, only to be overshadowed by one semi-psychotic outburst from a… thugette. But, you know, such is life.

Girl-on-Girl Violence Makes Women's Soccer a SportsCenter Sensation [True/Slant]
BYU Fights Off New Mexico, 1-0 [ESPN]
Watch Elizabeth Lambert, The Dirtiest Player In Women's Soccer [Radar Online]

Jeana—the one who always wants everyone to get along—is so uncomfortable during Tamra and Gretchen's fight that she begins eating her feelings.


Every time I hear about Vicki's "love tank" all I can think about is her vagina. And I don't like it.


What's with Tamra's vibrator discrimination? Clearly she hasn't heard of a miracle worker by the name of Hitachi Magic Wand.

As in the first part, Sawyer is in full portentousness mode, and Rihanna herself seems to be struggling to keep her emotions in check. Though she doesn''t blame herself for the attack, she does seem to think that she and Brown were both contributors to a toxic relationship. She says, "the more in love we became, the more dangerous we became for each other — equally as dangerous, because it was a bit of an obsession, almost." She also casts herself as an equal partner in the argument that preceded the abuse, saying, "I couldn't take that he kept lying to me and he couldn't take that I wouldn't drop it." And when she describes the actual violence, she speaks almost as though Brown was possessed by some other entity. "He had no soul in his eyes," she says, and "he was clearly blacked-out."

It may be true that Brown entered some sort of blackout when he began attacking Rihanna, but thinking of it in this way also probably helps her to forgive him — something she seems to have done. When Sawyer asks if she hates him, she replied,

I don't hate him at all, I actually love and care about him and [...] I want him to do well, have a great career, have a great life, and grow up, and just take this as something you had to go through to grow up and learn.

It's a generous statement, coming from someone who was not only abused but then forced to deal publicly with the aftermath of that abuse. It's also a morally complicated one — because abuse is so often trivialized and abusers often excused, it's tempting to cast them as wholly evil people who cannot be redeemed. Rihanna is clearly unwilling to do this — she says Brown was once her "best friend," and clearly she still wants to see some good in him. In a way it's disturbing to see this, because Rihanna doesn't have any responsibility to forgive or think well of Brown. At the same time, it can be hard to hate someone you used to love, and Rihanna's expressing emotions that many other abuse victims have probably felt.

More upsetting is her assessment of the "danger" they posed one another. She may be right that the intensity of their relationship was bad for both of them, but an overly intense relationship doesn't cause abuse. And while she's kind to say that "this" — presumably, the attack and its aftermath — is something Brown "had to go through to grow up," beating someone isn't just a learning experience. It's a crime, and while it's possible that Brown will never hit another woman again, he still deserves more criticism for his act than Rihanna seems willing to give. Again, it's not her job to criticize him for our benefit. But if anything good comes from the public nature of Rihanna's pain, maybe it will be that viewers supply the judgment that Rihanna is unwilling to deliver, and recognize that neither "obsession" nor "black-out" is an excuse for violence.