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Posts Tagged “

Citigroup

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crappy hour

Happy Non-St. Pat's Day, Folks! The World Is Currently Ending

How was your weekend? Hey! Guess who cares; no one. Fucking End Times came while you were drinking green beer or whatever, to the point that I shouldn't have to bait you with the fact that the McGreeveys HAD HARD CORE INTENSE BUTT SEX ORGIES WITH MARGARITAS/ POTATO SKIN PLATTERS AT T.G.I.FRIDAYS. But there I go baiting you! Okay, seriously though: did you know today is not St. Patrick's Day? No, the Vatican foresaw that everyone would be drinking heavily anyway today and rescheduled it so it wouldn't conflict with the collapse of the American financial system/China's control over its populace/numerous buildings. In other news, John McCain is taking some soothing R&R in Iraq. Will Spielberg and the Beastie Boys and the rest of the "Dalai clique" spoil the Olympics for China? Will the Fed bail me out in the event of a liquidity crisis in approx four weeks? Why can't I get in on Bear Stearns at two bucks a share? All that and odds on Laura Bush dropping her cookie sheet to call up Hu Jintao on behalf of her precious hot monks with me and Glamocracy's Megan Carpentier. JUMP. More »

10:00 AM on Mon Mar 17 2008
By Moe
4,616 views, 93 comments

Latest by Atsumi: @SinisterRouge on Notice!: Yeah, the gas is terrible. I was shocked to find out my state (MO) was the second CHEAPEST in the nation. I thought OUR prices were bad... more »

finance goes femme

Citigroup To Lady Investors: Take It From Us, Markets Are Tough!

The financial services industry is reaching out to the FabSugar demographic! Citigroup — which is a really big bank, in fact maybe the biggest bank, but you probably know it for being the employer of that dashing banker Maria Bartiromo maybe-fucked on that private jet because all you read is "Page Six" — is the company leading this effort. In new ads set to run in Vogue, O and Real Simple, the company is telling us to stop investing in Balenciaga and start investing in ... actual investments! Which is a message we would normally endorse, but, like:
"Dividends are a girl's best friend" and "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue chip," are headlines launching in print ads this month.
Which is, like, totally cute and all, and not necessarily bad advice in a market like this. But, like, "dividends" and "blue chips" are, like, the kinds of things you tell your grandparents, and people with heart conditions, to buy. More »

6:30 PM on Tue Sep 11 2007
By Moe
1,322 views, 24 comments

Latest by not.a.clever.name: @ae38: Well said! It bothers me that so many of my peers don't take ownership of their financial future. Guess what, girlies. We aren't going to have the government taking care of us and we should know from the 50 percent more »