• Emily Blunt and John Krasinski: totally sitting in a tree, kissing and whatevs. Perez suggests "Bluntinski" as their celeb couple nickname, but we feel we can do better! How about Krunt? Or EmJo? [Perez]

• Jim Carrey wanted to clear up the comments he made the other day on Larry King about Prozac's lack of long-term efficacy. "There are a lot of different ways to skin a cat," Carrey tells People, "It's important to think on our own…There is drug company money that goes into the educational system. I'm saying you have to look outside that, and consider the other possibilities for people." Thanks Jim. There's no possible way I could think for myself unless a celebrity told me how to. [People]
• Hugh Jackman says that Hollywood was not fun for his wife Deb, especially at the beginning. "When we first went to Hollywood people would ignore her. She’d call it the chopped liver syndrome. She would be literally hit away as [women] tried to get to me. It takes adjusting for me too. Sometimes I don’t understand why I am getting this attention." [Telegraph]
• Hugh Jackman's director in Australia, Baz Luhrmann, has a new project lined up for himself: a remake of the Great Gatsby. This could either be fantastic or a garish Technicolor travesty. Can't wait to find out which one! [Deadline Hollywood]
• William H. Macy will replace Jeremy "Thermometer" Piven in the David Mamet play Speed the Plow for part of the run. The role will be shared with Norbert Leo Butz. [NYM]
• There will be an Icelandic venture capital fund named for Bjork. The fund "will invest in sustainable businesses that create value through leveraging Iceland's resources, nature, culture and green energy." Who wouldn't want to buy into Bjork with those values! [AFP via Yahoo]
• Chris Brown and Rihanna: on a luxurious Hawaiian vacay. Us: jealous. [Perez]
• Cisco Adler, best known for his elephantine balls and dating Mischa Barton, will now be known as a dude who got arrested by another citizen in Fargo, North Dakota. Quoth Michael K. of Dlisted, "Following his performance at The Hub, Cisco got into a fight with a dude and while he was being kicked out of the club by security, he punched one of the employees in the nose. Before the police showed up and arrested him, the employee who got punched out performed a citizen's arrest on Cisco. CITIZEN'S ARREST! I love a good citizen's arrest." [Dlisted]
• David Bowie's stepdaughter, Stacia Lipka, won an $80,000 settlement against the City of New York after what sounds like a harrowing ordeal. "Lipka claimed Detectives Richard Vecchio and John Holbert violated her rights by photographing her nude body after she reported having been raped and was on suicide watch in October 2003…In addition to the lewd photo shoot at Staten Island's St. Vincent's Hospital, Lipka also claimed Vecchio molested her during one official visit." Vecchio was acquitted of criminal charges but was fired from the NYPD. [NYP]
• Which Celebs have the most followers on MySpace? Zach Braff, Kim Kardashian and Selena Gomez. A truly distinguished trio! [AP]
• Music icon Quincy Jones is sad about kids today and their lack of knowledge about music history. "I was in Seattle about a month ago, and I asked a kid, 'What do you think about Louis Armstrong?' And he said, 'I've heard the name,'" Q laments. "I said, 'What do you think about Duke Ellington and Charlie Parker and Coltrane?' He said, 'I've never heard of them.' And that hurts me a lot. Because it's easier to get where you're going if you know where you came from." Then he added, "Now get the hell off my yard!" [CNN]

The Good:
Lindsay is shimmery and tight and hot to trot. Black jeans might have been better but honestly, I have no problems with this.

Miranda Cosgrove was in School Of Rock and has her own show on Nickelodeon and looks like a regular 14-year-old girl. Bonus points for choosing boots over heels!

Rapper Pitbull is suave in a crisp white suit.

Some might find this ensemble boring but I think Khloe Kardashian looks sleek and comfortable. And covered-up.

Kendall and Kylie Jenner are 13 and 11 years old. At that age you can get away with stuff that would look stupid on grown-ups. I love how they're bright, fun and color-coordinated.

Shar Jackson, Kevin Federline's baby mama #1, looks pulled-together and cute.

The Bad:

Hey, Flo-Rida, we've seen this look before. You're a rapper but surely you can step it up? PS: Nice guns.

Kourtney Kardashian's shiny, stretchy pants hurt my feelings.

Ryan Seacrest: Meh.

I guess Kim Kardashian's dress sorta matches little sisters Kylie and Kendall but I just don't like it. If Jennifer were here she'd say it triggers her vertigo.

The Ugly:

I want to like Cisco Adler and Schwayze's matchy-matchy hipster chic, but they're just the spot-on definition of eyesore.

Perez Hilton's T-shirt does not lie.

[Images via Getty and FilmMagic]

• Kim Kardashian is engaged to NFL star Reggie Bush! We're starting to suspect she likes black guys. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Britney Spears spent New Year's Eve at a beach house in California with her sons, her court-appointed monitor and her new boyfriend, paparazzo Adnan Ghalib — who was invited to Brit's hotel room last week and told other photogs it was "the best night of his life." Good luck, kids! [Page Six]
  
• A performer at a New York cabaret club spilled drinks on Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore; the owner says "Fuck Ashton and Demi... They spend nothing... I can't stand those two, and I applaud whoever spilt a drink on them." Damn, 2008 is gonna be great. [Page Six]
  
• Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia: It's on! Especially now that she has turned 18. (He's 30.) [TMZ]
  
• Robin Thicke and wife Paula Patton: Expecting. Here's hoping that blind item about a singer "living out his sex fetish dreams" is not Thicke. [ONTD]

• Dave Chappelle got into an argument with his wife in a New York City restaurant — in front of his two sons. The wife was in tears, the lunchtime crowd was "shocked." [Page Six]
• Adam "DJ AM" Goldstein (now 34) tried to kill himself when he was 24: He put a loaded gun in his mouth. He says, "It's been "9 ½ years since I've had a drink or taken drugs... but I'm still a drug addict." [Page Six]
• Cisco Adler thinks ex Mischa Barton looks "so hot" in her mugshot. Heart-warming! [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which 40ish actress has finally gotten pregnant for the first time? Her rep is denying it because she's only a month into it, and has suffered miscarriages in the past. Said our source: 'Watch for her to get bangs and start wearing hats to hide her sagging face because you can't be on Botox when you are pregnant.'" [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which gorgeous daughter of a foreign-born billionaire had a fling last year with Prince William? While their families don't get along, and she could never marry the future King of England, the hookup between their clans was not unprecedented. [Page Six]
• Dominick Dunne writes about the inquest into Princess Diana's death in the new issue of Vanity Fair, noting that four photo agencies in Paris were robbed on the night of the crash, and hundreds and hundreds of paparazzi pictures were stolen and have never been found. Coverup? [Gatecrasher]
• Tiffany (New York) Pollard and Tailor Made partied and shared a beer in South Beach on New Year's Eve. Yawn! [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which Las Vegas mover and shaker is having a very public affair with a beauty queen who wears the name of a neighboring state on her sash? 'It's so out in the open, but the photographers know they're not allowed to take a picture when she's sitting on his lap,' says a snitch." [Gatecrasher]
• Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds were wed on New Year's Day on an island near Bora Bora. Mazel tov! This is the second marriage for both; Murphy has 7 kids, including the daughter of Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown. The Brits call him Beverly Hills Cock! [People]
• Is Tyra going to adopt a kid??? She's reportedly said, "I've wanted to adopt since I was nine. I have a connection with children and they don't have to come from my womb for me to have that connection." Can't wait to see her teach a little one to smile with her eyes. [The Sun]
• Paul McCartney's secret heart operation: Not secret anymore! The 65-year-old Beatle had coronary angioplasty in the fall. [The Sun]
• Meanwhile, Heather Mills ended up watching Paul McCartney in concert on TV on New Year's Eve. Auld lang syne, sigh. [Mirror]
• Does Pam Anderson's marriage have problems? "Oh, there's plenty," she says. "What can you do? We're all human. We're all trying." [People]
• Dax Shepard, once seen on the arm of Kate Hudson, is now with Heroes' Kristin Bell. The gentleman prefers blondes! [ONTD]

• Owen Wilson has given his first interview since his suicide attempt — and it's going to be on MySpace. Director Wes Anderson spoke with Owen about their latest film, Darjeeling Limited, and is posting the discussion tonight at midnight. We have a feeling it's going to be totally work-related, but you never know. [People]
  
• Ellen DeGeneres' ratings were up at least 10% — maybe more — in the two days following her meltdown over Iggy the mutt, which is kind of crazy if you think about it. [Page Six]
  
• OMG! Dina Lohan's reality show starts filming next week! "It's about empowering women to be successful single mothers," Dina says. Daughter Ali will star in the show as well. Um, how do we feel about this? Anyone? [People]
  

• Naomi Campbell "blew her top" after missing a transatlantic flight yesterday at Heathrow airport. Hey, at least she didn't throw anything. [Mirror]
• Britney's mom, Lynne Spears, is writing a book — she has a deal with a Christian publisher. [Rush & Molloy, 2nd from last item]
• Meanwhile, Britney and Kevin Federline are due in court today, as the custody battle continues. [Yahoo News]
• Kate Hudson's divorce is finally final. She's free to date other people! Oh, wait. [E!]
• Isla Fisher and Sacha Baron Cohen named their baby girl Olive, btw. [ONTD]
• Daniel Dae Kim, who plays Jin on Lost (and is hot), was busted for DUI Thursday in Hawaii. He's the fourth member of the cast of Lost to be arrested. The production team should probably invest in some hired drivers. [TMZ]
• Paris Hilton's trip to Rwanda has been "postponed." LOL. [TMZ]
• Lindsay Lohan is staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel, where paparazzi can't see her coming or going. Damn. [Page Six]
• Rocker Cisco Adler (Mischa Barton's ex) was seen runing around Hyde in L.A. in his underwear. Do not want! [Page Six]
• Leonardo DiCaprio was still a virgin at age 17? That's kinda cool. [Page Six]
• Philip Seymour Hoffman and Marisa Tomei's new movie opens with their nude sex scene. We like them both, but together and naked? Not sure. [Page Six]
• At Hilary Clinton's 60th birthday party last night, Elvis Costello sang "Happy birthday, Mrs. President." [Gatecrasher]
• Dave Navarro is happy writing and directing porn instead of making music right now. "Rock used to have that rebellious 'up against the world' creed," he says. "That doesn't exist anymore in the music world — but it's alive and well in the adult industry." [Page Six]

"As primal beings, men are not supposed to be monogamous. When people ask, 'Do you believe in monogamy?' Well, of course that's what you want. But part of what I love about men is that it's hard for them to be monogamous. Women, I think, need to spend more time understanding men than changing men. And vice versa.

I think she is saying that's a crucial element of Kurt Russell's deal with her mom, is that he could blame all the places his penis took him on man's primal need to pork women. It's a Gene Simmons thing. But in the case of Kate Hudson, and HER ex hubby, let's do the math. The guy looks like something that came out of Jerry Garcia's ass. Sooooooo I dunno why he'd cheat on her. All his free time went to grooming his beard, etc. Clearly she was talking about Owen Wilson, who gets laid everytime he truns around. But if she GETS it, why the fuck is she now dating DAX from 'Punk'd'? That's a pretty shitty punishment for being enlightened.

Kate Hudson: Men Are From Planet Screw [PerezHilton]

The story's writer, Nancy Jo Sales, clearly knows you're all ready to click Cisco Adler, about whom the very little you do know (Mischa, balls, "firecrotch") is eating up a section of your brain that feels all the more precious for how completely worthless it is. And, so she takes a contrarian angle to encourage you to rethink your vote, gently referring to him the "Rodney Dangerfield" of his tribe of young oft-do-blondes. There, there, she seems to be telling you. That "firecrotch" thing — what was that if not a mere statement of the obvious? Which in light of recent events, rather pales — heh heh — in comparison with some of Ms. Firecrotch's more offensive utterances? We'll admit it, we found ourselves thinking Cisco was kinda endearing by the end, whereas our former emocrush Pete Wentz comes off like a total "oooooh, mindplay! I'm so clever" douchebag. K-Fed, meanwhile, is generally himself, and the Madden brothers, whom we're providing immunity from this poll (they actually are legitimately wealthy) and Steve Aoki (who belongs in another category altogether, since he's not really a starfucker but rather a token minority.) (Not that we are proud to be able to make that distinction, oh god kill us now.)

Cisco

• (As for why Paris had a naked picture of him, Cisco offers, "I went through a naked period.")
• "My balls are more famous than I am, how crazy is that?"
  
• "Look, they're young, these girls, and they're thrown this bucket of shit, and it makes them act kind of weird. If they were all locked in a room together, they'd come out the best of friends...if they lived."
  
• "Mischa's the most beautiful girl on the planet. Sometimes I would wake up and see her on the pillow next to me and be like, Oooh, there she is..I used to be a horrible cheater; in this last relationship I didn't cheat once, I changed. Sometimes I used to cheat and go back and make love with my girlfriend on the same day! I used to get off on that. I used to think I was so dope. My dad was a womanizer, so I always thought I had to be a womanizer. My dad's a player, my dad's one of the world's greatest pimps ever. He's cool, he's brilliant."

K-Fed

• "My mom used to call me 'the womanizer' when I was younger. That says it all. I love women. I mean, I love women, you know?" What's not to love? I ask. "Exactly"

Pete Wentz

• "Gotta kiss the starlets"
  
• "They keep telling me I'm a mogul"
  
• On whether he's dating Ashlee Simpson: "No. But I am dating someone. Say it's a dude. I keep giving interviews where I lead people to think I'm bi. So be it."
  
• On whether he ever fucked Lindsay:"A lot more — and a lot less — happened with Lindsay than people think."

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Hyde nightclub, West Hollywood, CA; April 19, 2007

[Image via Splash News]

It's never easy losing a job. On top of the humiliation of being frog-marched out of the building in tears by the steroid-abusing former army corporal turned security guard, you worry how will you pay the rent, the bills, your dealer - it's a very stressful time. But at least you have love. Oops. No you don't, because he just dumped you, even though he's a hairy loser with all the charm of a moist turd, and half the intelligence.

As you sit in tears outside the apartment you've just been evicted from, the detritus of your pathetic unsuccessful sorry-arsed life piled high around you, spare a thought for Mischa Barton.

Not only does she forever bear the shame of having regularly enveloped the greasy penis of Brandon Davis in her front bottom, but now she's been dumped by 'rocker' Cisco Adler. And Paris HIlton thinks she's fat. And she got killed off from her TV show, so now she's facing an uncertain future, says In Touch. You know, like we all do when we're in between jobs.

"Now that her days on the O.C. are over, Mischa Barton has had to curb her spending. According to pals, the 20-year-old star was earning a six-figure weekly paycheck for starring on the show, and even though she's making millions from movies and endorsements, she's secretly cutting back on expenses."

So that's just ONE gram of coke a day from now on, then. Righty-ho. What's that you hear? Why, it's the sound of my heart bleeding for Mischa.