The holiday retail wars are upon us! Macy's kicked off the melee by announcing they'd open at 6 pm on Thanksgiving; now Target says free shipping will be available for every damn thing on their website until December 20. Go right ahead and order that sack of Dove chocolates for your honeybun's stocking.
September Christmas displays are here, and they are fucking terrible. No, no, no, no, no, no. Mid-September is not motherfucking holiday shopping season.
It's a holiday tradition as American as eating too much and falling asleep in a chair while inane football comedy blares loudly from the flatscreen — adults deciding that all kids should be just nuts for a Hot Holiday Toy, and then redirecting that hysteria into ruining Christmas. This year, however, a problem: there …
Even in the face of tragedy, the buying of expensive crap must go on. At least, if you're Oprah. And so, while entire towns are still closed off in New Jersey and children in Staten Island don't have shoes, Oprah released a resurrected version of her famed Favorite Things list filled with even higher frivolity-level…
Nancy Puccinelli of Oxford University's Saïd Business School confirms what anybody who has been to a mall in the past ten years can tell you: excessive decorations, intrusive music, and "enforced holiday cheer" are obnoxious and grating. She says, "We know from studies of consumer behavior that moderation in festive…
It's Black Friday again, so I guess everyone, especially parents, will be running around like a bunch of assholes looking for the Hot Shit Holiday Toy of 2011/12. Normally I would have slept right through this day without so much as a raised smirk in its honor, so oblivious to the hassle I was. See, it's a multi-part…
Some people do not care for winter wonderlands, silver bells or "merry" anything. Some people are bitchy and bitter, perpetually pissed-off or generally annoyed. What we have here are gifts for Grinches, Scrooges, the enraged and the ill-tempered.
Let's make Christmas all about vampires and '50s ad agencies! We've got gifts for Mad Men enthusiasts, True Blood fangbangers and anyone goo goo for Lady Gaga. Caution: You're gonna want most of this stuff for yourself.
No shit headline of the day: "Women Spend And Stress More Over Gifts." Well yes. Also, advertising has led us to believe that if it's not a great, awesome, amazing present that makes people gasp, we're doing something wrong.
Oh J. Crew. I don't understand you. Sometimes you know exactly what I want. Often it's like you've read my mind. But the drab duds you're hocking for holiday? Sigh. Looks like it's the least wonderful time of the year.
Tomorrow is the first day of December, and we're already being inundated with Christmas crap! Here's a handy buyers guide.
Warning: Scrooge-y thoughts ahead.
The fruit in the Harry & David catalog may not appeal to you, but what about cookies? Cheesecake? Peppermint bark!?!?! Ugh. So hungry right now.