Welcome to the Not Fucking Long Enough weekend, readers. If you don't feel as gross as these bacon cheese glazed donuts right now, just click the page. Today's discussion topics range from waterboarding to Karl Rove to Newt Gingrich and zoos to Fox News' ingenious subtle Photoshoppery of a New York Times…

• Whoa. Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan are dunzo. She was supposed to star in his remake of Barbarella, but studio moguls wanted "a bigger star, a bigger name." Now the flick might have - wait for it - Jessica Alba as the lead. What a fucking mess. But yeah, the whole leaving your wife for the chick in your movie…

Even though Christie Brinkley is dealing with that hot mess of a divorce from Peter Cook, she's still friends with ex Billy Joel. Aw, even from her white bread world, she can be buddies with a downtown guy! • David Beckham breaks for fans! The soccer star stopped to sign autographs in D.C. • Oh Christ. Heidi Montag…

Oooh, Christie Brinkey's divorce from Peter Cook is gettin' ugly! Brinkley wants to keep the court proceedings open while Cook wants them closed, apparently because "Brinkley's side may reveal Cook's alleged interest in Internet porn and swinger sites," according to People. • More details on Amy Winehouse's continued…

[LAX, March 25. Images via Splash.]

[Bridgehampton, NY; August 18. Image via Splash]

• We find it hard to believe that Angelina Jolie is in any way threatened by her man Brad's ex, but a source tells 'Page Six' that that's precisely the case, making Angelina, sadly, a little more like us mere mortals. [PageSix]
  
• Christina Aguilera is expecting a baby. Think she'll wear her
  full-on face paint to the…