• Nene and Kim might get evicted from Real Housewives Of Atlanta?!?! Aren't they the most entertaining ones?

Oh: They're demanding more money than Bravo wants to shell out. Hmm. Anyways, Bravo is looking for new wealthy/notable Atlanta housewives, though Usher's ex-wife Tameka Foster isn't being considered: Apparently "Tameka isn't very popular in Atlanta," and all the "housewives" said they'd leave the show if she were cast. OUCH. [Gatecrasher]

• BREAKING: John Mayer was seen talking to Kim Kardashian. She is happy with Reggie Bush, however. [Page Six]
• A hip NYC cafe is being sued by a waitress who claims she had her hours cut after she refused to date the "Butterscotch Stallion," Owen Wilson. [Page Six]
• Oprah won't win an Oscar for "producing" Precious because she signed on to do so after the film was shot, which disqualifies her (and Tyler Perry). [NY Post]
• By the by: Oprah's ratings are down. [NY Post]
• I like the way Josh Brolin is looking at Matt Damon in this Entertainment Weekly pic from a story about the documentary project The People Speak. [Gatecrasher]
• A former nanny claims that Christie Brinkley ignored the fact that Alexa Joel was becoming a troubled child. [Page Six]
• Mischa Barton was seen knocking back shots and drinking margaritas and a source says "she looked healthy and in control." Whatever that means. [Page Six]
• Wendy Williams got breast implants when she was 14. FOURTEEN. fourteen years ago. Sigh. Misleading headline! [Gatecrasher via People]
• The company which has the rights to distribute shirts, posters and other things with Michael Jackson on 'em is suing EVERYONE who is "bootlegging" items. [TMZ]
• A California appeals court is considering whether Roman Polanski's case can be dismissed without him being present. [CNN, LA Times]
• Kendra Wilkinson has given birth to Hank Randall Baskett IV. [Ok!, People]
• Inevitable? Tiger Woods paramour Rachel Uchitel is in negotiations to pose for Playboy. [Extra]
• Another (unnamed) woman who had a relationship with Tiger Woods has hired Gloria Allred as her lawyer. [Radar Online]
• Porn star Holly Sampson is not denying anything; she confirms that she and Tiger Woods were "intimate." In addition, in some old video clip she says that Tiger is the whitest black boy you've ever met. His teeth are perfect and he's the perfect gentleman." Then she points to her crotch and says: "He's beautiful ... beautiful everything." [Us Magazine]
• Hollywood madam Michelle Braun says that at least two of Tiger Woods' hookups — Jamie Jungers and Holly Sampson — were high-end escorts. [TMZ]
• Oh, and Michelle Braun says that Tiger was a client, and paid $60,000 for her high-priced hookers. [E!, NY Daily News, NY Post]
• Holly Sampson: "Although I enjoyed our time together, I never was and never will be one of Tiger's mistresses. I resent being put in the same category as the other women." This is because their hookups took place before he was married. [TMZ]
• "Tiger Woods has come clean to his stunning Swedish wife about ALL of his dirty horndogging, porn-star loving, cocktail-waitress chasing and general catting around with scads of ladies, according to a report." [NY Post via People]
• TLC was granted an injunction against Jon Gosselin, which — thank Zeus — bars Jon from making any more appearances like that embarrassing pool party thing. [Extra, AP]
• You may have heard that Chris Brown did a radio interview in which the DJ asked him about Rihanna — and Chris promptly hung up. Audio at the link. [TMZ]
• Jeff Bridges plays a washed-up country singer named Bad Blake in new movie Crazy Heart, and says his mom didn't like one of his most famous characters, The Dude, and "probably wouldn't like Bad, either. She liked to see her son play the president or a doctor-like any old mom, you know." [WSJ]
• Q: You've been married to the same woman for 32 years. Rule #1 for staying together in Hollywood? 
Jeff Bridges: "Don't get a divorce. That will keep you together, you know." [WSJ]
• "Michael Barrett, 48, Will Plead Guilty To Stalking For Secretly Making Nude Film Of ESPN Reporter [Erin Andrews]; Faces 5 Years In Jail." [CBS News]
• Brad Paisley has the number one album on Time's Top 100 Albums list. [Time]
• The Princess And The Frog is the number one movie on Time's Top 100 movies list. (Up is number 2, so, yay! animation.) [Time]
• Lil Wayne's new album, Rebirth, has been delayed. Again. [Reuters]
• RIP Flight Of The Conchords. Show collaborator James Bobin says: "While the characters Bret and Jemaine will no longer be around, the real Bret and Jemaine will continue to exist." Quietly sob while you watch this video the guys made for us, the ladies of the world. Redheads not warheads! Blondes not bombs! Brunettes not fighter jets! [NY Times]
• RIP It's On With Alexa Chung, which I actually thought didn't seem so bad, although I only saw it once or twice. [Variety]
• Russell Crowe is an a "laughable weepie" of a movie this columnist calls a "mawkish blunder." [NY Post]
• "I'm not picky, quite honestly. It's simply that I recognize pretty quickly the stuff that I don't like. And I also recognize the impulse that is dragging me towards a piece of work. And perhaps as you get older, that impulse comes less often." — Daniel Day-Lewis sounds kind of picky about his acting roles. [Guardian]
• "I am not proud of being rich." — Ricky Gervais. [Page Six]
• "There's no question that the recession has had an effect on the arts, especially on British films. Things are not being greenlit as much and it is more difficult for people to get work. When you go abroad people always talk with such love about British theatre, but the irony is that it's not appreciated by the Government as it should be. The state of the arts has always been, and will always be, precarious. But there is something so alarming about the huge cuts made to companies, particularly when you read of the astronomical amounts some people are earning, like bankers… I am concerned that they've taken a lot of the subsidy to the arts away for the Olympics. It's been siphoned off." — Dame Judi Dench is is calling for arts funding to be fixed. [Times Of London]
• "The Internet is full of humorists. They've risen from the earth. They've fallen from the skies. Anyone can write anything, anytime they want. Blogs that are angry—which maybe half of them are—wear out. What people keep going back to are writers who are funny. That's a great thing." — Garrison Keillor. At the link, he reveals why he wears red shoes. [Time]
• "I'm doing well, you know, because I'm committed to it and they're lovely, lovely people, its been nice. Obviously when I heard that my girlfriend had preacher parents, I thought well this has got a huge scope for disaster, but it's actually been quite good so far. Its been really good actually, in retrospect its been one of my favorite years, [the highlight was] meeting Katy. She's amazing. I'm having a right laugh. She's a good person to spend time with and its changed me - it's made me stop doing stuff that I probably shouldn't have been doing." — Russell Brand. [Daily Mail]
• "I didn't get cast in Shakespeare, but [my teacher Mrs. Rodriguez] cast me later in Oliver… There are a lot of people in my life who are surprised that I am where I am, but Mrs. Rodriguez would not be. I wish more than anything that she truly knew how much I really loved her for the gift that she gave me." — America Ferrera "held back tears" as she spoke at a New York Women In Film lunch; her teacher died of cancer before America became a star. [Page Six]
• "WOW... THIS IS REALLY FLATTERING... I'VE HAD SOME UPS AND DOWNS THIS YEAR, WELL ACTUALLY THIS DECADE. JUST SEEING THIS COVER TAKES ME BACK TO THAT TIME OF MY LIFE. I REMEMBER HOW MUCH PAIN AND LOVE WENT INTO THIS ALBUM. NO ONE SAW IT COMING. THIS PROJECT WASN'T ABOUT ME, IT WAS ABOUT A TIME IN PEOPLES LIVES WHERE PEOPLE FORCE OPINIONS ON YOU AND YOU HAVE TO MAKE CHOICES FOR YOURSELF. WE LOVED 50 CENT BUT WE WANTED TO BE THE YANG. WE WANTED TO WEAR PINK POLOS AND RAP ABOUT BEING HURT INSTEAD BEING INVINCIBLE. THERE WAS A CORE GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO WORKED ON THIS ALBUM EVERYDAY.... PLAIN PAT, JOHN MONOPOLY, DON CRAWLEY, ANTHONY KILHOFFER, MANNY MARROQUIN, JOHN LEGEND, DEVON HARRIS, RYHMEFEST, GEE ROBERSON, HIP HOP, AL BRANCH, DAMON DASH, GABE TESORIERO, CRAIG BAUER, GLC, OL' SCHOOL ICE GREE, CONSEQUENCE, B NICE AND MY MOM. I WAS MOST INSPIRED BY THE MISEDUCATION OF LAURYN HILL AND I LISTENED TO THAT ALBUM EVERYDAY WHILE WORKING ON MY DEBUT. THANK YOU FOR THIS ACKNOWLEDGMENT AND FOR PUTTING "THE BLUEPRINT" ON THE LIST ALSO. I LOVED "THE LOVE BELOW' AND "GET RICH OR DIE TRYING" ALSO. THEY BOTH EQUALLY DESERVED THE NUMBER ONE SPOT IN MY EYES BUT THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE NUMBER ONE!!!" — Your friend Kanye West is kind of excited about Entertainment Weekly naming his CD, The College Dropout, the top album of the decade. [KanyeUniverseCity]

• Amy Winehouse divorced Blake Fielder-Civil in July, but it seems they've reunited: She arrived at his London apartment on Sunday and only left this morning at 3 a.m.

• He's still in an outpatient rehab program, but his mother has predicted that they'll remarry when he completes the program in February. "He'll be straight back with Amy in London. I know it won't be long before I get a call from Blake saying, 'Mum, I'm at the airport and we're flying off to get married,'" she said. [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse's parents are horrified by their reunion. "The romance is back on and everyone is frantic with worry," said a family friend. "They have vowed to one another never to get back into drugs. But together they just went into self destruct mode - and it was their separation that saved them." [Daily Mail]
• Lindsay Lohan is still in India filming a documentary on human trafficking. "She is a little overwhelmed and a little freaked out," says a source. "Lindsay is trying to be a trooper but the whole experience is a little scary. There is still unrest in India and her celebrity makes her vulnerable... There isn't much security there in general." [Radar Online]
• The National Enquirer claims Tiger Woods is worried that one of his many mistresses will release a sex tape and fears he may have fathered a love child. Usually, we'd question the Enquirer, but since so many sources mentioned that he's not a fan of condoms, it's a possibility. [National Enquirer]
• The Tiger Woods mistress count is up to 13: According to a "Las Vegas nightlife insider," he had a lengthy affair with porn star Joslyn James. [Us]
• Tiger Woods friend/caddie Steve Williams says: "I do not have any personal knowledge of anything in the reports related to the Tiger Woods stories. [My wife] Kirsty and I give our heartfelt wishes to Tiger, Elin, Sam and Charlie and hope this gets put to rest soon." [People]
• A source says of Elin Nordegren, "It is sort of sad that all of the golfers knew about Tiger's cheating throughout his marriage while poor Elin believed his lies when he told her he was not seeing any other women when on the road for days at a time." [People]
• In this video from May, Holly Sampson talks about sleeping with Tiger Woods on the website Naughty America: [TMZ]
• Veronica Siwick, one of Tiger Woods' mistresses, is a deadbeat mom wanted in the state of Washington for owing more than $12,000 in child support for her 10-year-old. [Radar Online]
• Representative Joe Baca of California has abandoned his campaign to give Tiger Woods the highest Congressional award for a civilian. Baca said: "In light of the recent developments surrounding Tiger Woods and his family, I will not pursue legislation awarding him the Congressional Gold Medal this session." [TMZ]
• Tiger Woods mistress Rachel Uchitel was locked out of her New York apartment yesterday so she broke into one of her balcony windows. [TMZ]
• In addition to Tiger Woods, Jaimee Grubbs has also been linked to George Clooney. She says, "I know him," and a source says they slept together. [Us]
• Tiger Woods' property backs onto a lake and neighbors say a "flotilla of paparazzi set sail" yesterday in an attempt to catch him, to no avail. [TMZ]
• Miley Cyrus is taking a break from music. She says: "I want to do my last pop record, I'm working on a record right now. I kinda want this to be my last record for a little while and be able to take a break and just get all the types of music that I really love... you know my favourite styles. And be able have something edgier and not have to worry about people saying, 'Oh, this isn't what her fans want to listen to.' Because in a few years, as I grow up, so will my fans and I won't have to focus on that as much and I'll be able to have more of the sound of music that I'm into. "[Contact Music ]
• Last night Rihanna had her new motto "Never a failure, always a lesson" tattooed on her chest backwards. [Ok]
• Tila Tequila is engaged to Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson. She announced in her USTREAM video: "This is exclusive and going to be all over the news tomorrow, but because I love you guys so much, we are giving you the exclusive first — Tila army fans — tonight, my girlfriend has asked me to marry her!" [Us]
• Jude Law has joined the panel of celebrities who will judge the Australians in Film Scholarship, which was set up by Michelle Williams after Heath Ledger's death. [Daily Express]
• Jude Law, who is one of the actors who took over for Heath Ledger in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, says of judging the scholarship: "I am delighted and honored to do what I can to keep Heath's legacy alive. He was a brilliant actor and a wonderful man and it is only fitting that this scholarship has been developed in his name." [People]
• David Hasselhoff's ex-wife Pamela Bach released this statement today asking fans to help save him from alcoholism: "The despair, feeling hopeless and unable to believe that things can ever change with David's alcoholism over the years has affected our whole family. We want our lives to be different, but nothing we have done has brought about change. We ask David's fans, supporters and handlers to take swift action to save this wonderful man's life." Exactly what she wants fans to do is unclear. [Radar Online]
• David Bowie's son Zowie Bowie, who now goes by Duncan Jones, won the Best Director prize from the British Independent Film Awards for Moon. [Showbiz411]
• R. Kelly is writing a memoir. It will be published in 2011 and doesn't have a title yet. Any suggestions? [UPI]
• Tyler Perry announced on his website that his mother Willie Maxine Perry died recently. She was 64. [AP]
• New Moon director Chris Weitz is defending 22-year-old Samantha Tumpach, who could go to prison for 3 years for taping a few minutes of the film in a theater. "There is, needless to say, a difference between trying to protect the copyright of a film and making an unfair example of someone who clearly seems not to have any intentions towards video piracy," Weitz wrote in an email. [Chicago Sun-Times]
• Robert Pattinson told Italian Vanity Fair, "I am single... almost everything that came out about my private life is false." He says he thinks people gossip about him because, "Really, there is not much to say about what I'm doing... While I am filming, I live practically [like a] recluse in [a] hotel. I come out only to work, and sometimes to go out for dinner. But, if you read the magazines, it seems that I have a frantic high life." [Radar Online]
• Jerry Hall impersonated Jordan on The All Star Impressions Show. [The Sun]
• Kevin Smith announced on Twitter that the name of A Couple of Dicks, the Tracy Morgan–Bruce Willis cop comedy he directed, has been changed by the studio. He wrote: While we'll always have DICKS in our hearts, the title we just now locked makes me smile on a bunch of different levels - including this 1: we can now advertise our movie properly (& ironically)." [N.Y. Post]
• Clay Aiken may have voted illegally in Wake County, North Carolina but the county elections board is ending its investigation because Clay wrote them a letter asking to be removed from their voting rolls. He lives in neighboring Chatham County and has criticized local school board candidates. [AP]
• Designer Shane Starlet says that backstage at the AMAs after Adam Lambert's racy performance she told him, "Be gay, fine! But stop trying to defend it all the time, Adam. What you pulled tonight was disgraceful. You could have been huge but now you're no different than a Jerry Springer low-life." Adam replied: "Shut up, bitch!" [Radar Online]
• The White House has released a picture of Oprah Winfrey posing with the Obamas when she filmed her special Christmas at the White House: An Oprah Primetime Special, which airs Sunday. [People]
• Though some reports have blamed Christie Brinkley for Alexa Ray Joel's rumored suicide attempt, a source "close to the situation" insists that she just accidentally took too many doses of the homeopathic medication Traumeel and she's "bouncing back beautifully" with her parents' help. "They're focused on making sure she is going to be alright," said the source, adding that she "has the most attentive parents... She is very close to Billy, and Alexa and her mother are really best friends." [People]
• Lisa Leslie and her husband Michael Lockwood are expecting their second child. "When we found out he was a boy, Michael shouted, 'Yes, thank you Jesus!'" said Leslie. [People]
• A charitable trust set up by Dukes of Hazzard creator Gy Waldron has filed a $15 million lawsuit against Warner Bros. for allegedly shortchanging it on royalties from the show. [MSNBC]
• A man who was identified as a "terrorist group leader al-aqsa martyrs brigade" in Bruno is suing the film's producers and Sacha Baron Cohen because he says he's actually a just a Palestinian grocer. [TMZ]
• George Michael responded to Elton John pushing him to go to rehab by saying he should 'shut his mouth and get on with his own life." Elton's partner David Furnish responded: "The difficult thing for Elton and me is a lot of George's friends keep calling us saying 'you have to do something, George is in a bad way, he's in a bad state. We're only reacting to what his close friends say to us. I respect George, I love George, I think he's a huge talent. I just hope he's fine." [Daily Mail]
• A Samuel L. Jackson iPhone app is in the works. The creators say it will play his most famous quotes and feature "untamed" advice from Jackson. [Techland]
• Bridget Moynahan, mother of Tom Brady's son Jack, says in a statement: "I wish [Tom and Gisele] the best with their baby. I'm sure my son will enjoy having a half-sibling. I ask the press to respect our privacy while we are welcoming this new addition to our extended family." [People]
• When asked if he and Gisele Bunchen have a name for their baby Tom Brady said, "I don't have any picks, so we haven't really chosen one yet, but everyone is great. Everyone is doing really well." [People]
• Pauly D, one of the self-describes "guidos" of Jersey Shore says he'd be happy to pose in Playgirl adding, "I didn't tell anyone about my piercing, but I'm not shy." [E!]
• Idina Menzel is in talks to join the cast of Glee as the choir director for New Directions' rivals, Vocal Adrenaline. [EW]
• Sources say while filming her upcoming TV special Susan Boyle did a weird jig in the middle of the song "Who I Was Born To Be." They asked her to do the song again, but once again, she added the jig. "It was odd and very out of character with the song and with the show," said the source. "Susan just looked like she was doing it as a break from the seriousness and the pressure of having to sing throughout a show. It's going to give us a bit of a headache – we will have to edit around it." [The Mirror]
• According to court documents, Devar Hurd sent Ashanti's mother and father crude text messages about their daughter along with graphic photos and a picture of their home. His case could go to trial next week. [AP]
• Khloe Kardashian reports that her sister Kourtney Kardashian has an unusual plan for feeding her child: "Kourtney was like, 'I'm so excited. I don't have to cook for five years!'" said Khloe. "And I go, 'What do you mean?' She's like, 'I'm gonna breast feed.' I go, 'For five years?' She has, like, no idea!" [Extra]
• Khloe Kardashian says the worst thing she's learned about Lamar Odom in their first month of marriage is that he like to eat candy in bed. Says Khloe: "I fell asleep before him one night, and he was eating candy. He was watching TV, eating candy, and he fell asleep with chocolate-covered almonds in his hand, and he hugs me when he's asleep. I woke up in the morning, and I was like, 'What is on me?!' The chocolate melted off, and it was almonds in the bed, and I was like, 'Ewww. What is going on?'" [E!]
• Morgan Freeman says Nelson Mandela personally asked him to play him in Invictus. Freeman says he replied: "If I'm going to play you, I'm going to have to have access to you. I'm going to have to be close enough to hold your hand." [Reuters]
• Sinead O'Connor says people misunderstood why she ripped up a picture of the Pope on SNL in 1992 because the story about some priests abusing children had come out in Ireland, but not the U.S. She explains that she wasn't protesting religion: "People say, 'Why did she do what she did?' I did what I did because I actually do believe in God, and I love God, and I don't like to see God being libeled. If God were here now today he, she or it would be suing a whole lot of fuckers for libel." [Tonic]
• Looking for a good holiday gift? Johnny Depp recommends you buy a goat for a family in the third world from Oxfam Unwrapped. "I can honestly say I'd love to get an Oxfam Unwrapped goat for Christmas. It's the perfect gift - something that is sure to be appreciated, and can potentially even change people's lives. Really, who needs more stuff?" [The Mirror]
• Martha Stewart and her daughter Alexis Stewart did an awkward interview in which Alexis said, "She is faking it when she says she likes me." Martha said: "I like that she is very strong and can do many physical things... I like that she has a vast library of books and absorbs a lot of information. I like how she lives... Well, I don't totally love how she lives." Alexis replied: "What the fuck does that mean? That I don't have a husband and a big ring and children?" [N.Y. Magazine]
• Heidi Klum and Seal are relentlessly well-adjusted. Recently Seal adopted Heidi's daughter Leni from Heidi's ex-boyfriend Flavio Briatore. He says: "Heidi handled everything (the adoption). Flavio was a gentleman about the whole thing. I have a tremendous amount of respect for him. I'm not just talking about in a professional level but just in the way that he has handled the situation, which, let's face it, must have been really difficult.I don't know if I would have been that adult about it. I certainly have nothing but good things to say about the way he's been with us and he's more than welcome to see Leni any time he wants to." Daily Express]
• Seal also says: "I was homeless at 17 and was sleeping in the Underground and in homeless shelters. It's not like I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I was given up for adoption and lived with foster parents so I know what it's like to have rejection. I've paid my dues and don't feel guilty for the perfect lifestyle people see that we have. Both Heidi and I worked our a**es of to get here, no one gave it to us." [Daily Express]

• A photo has surfaced of Jessica Simpson out with Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins on Friday night. A source says they're "officially dating... she has fallen hard and is smitten."

• Another source says her posse isn't excited about her latest beau. "He's just another in an endless string of Jessica's boyfriends," says the source. "They think he's too old for her. No one takes any of her boyfriends seriously anymore because she has had so many. They're sick of all of them being 'the one.'" [E!]
• Elin Nordegren's mother, Barbro Holmberg, was identified as the woman rushed to the hospital from Tiger Woods' home this morning. She's at home now, resting comfortably. [Extra]
• TMZ obtained the dispatch notes from the 911 call from Tiger Woods' home today, which contain nothing interesting. [TMZ]
• According to a source at the hospital, Barbro Holmberg was suffering from stomach pains. [TNZ]
• Gatorade is shutting down production of Tiger Woods Focus Gatorade, but a rep insists, "We made the decision several months ago... our relationship with Tiger continues." [TMZ]
• Star claims Elin Nordegren confronted Tiger Woods' mistress Rachel Uchitel twice before Thanksgiving. A friend of Rachel's says, "Rachel denied she had an affair with Tiger, and told her, ‘I've walked your husband to a table at [a NYC night club] Griffin, made sure everything was OK, and that's the extent of our relationship. It's ridiculous and crazy that people are saying that I slept with him.'" The second time she told Rachel, "I know everything," then threw her cell phone at Tiger. [Star]
• According to the dispatch log from Tiger Woods' SUV crash, Tiger's agent called the Florida Highway Patrol on the day after the accident to reschedule a meeting because, "He's still too sore from the accident." [TMZ]
• Dennis Rodman weighed in on the Tiger Woods scandal saying, "I think people expect me to do it, you know, it's just Dennis. But Tiger, that's a different story... People expect him to be this loving husband and this loving father, and this, you know, when you have that much money and that much power, of course all the hoodrats and everybody is just gonna come all out of the woodwork." [Ok]
• This article blames Alexa Ray Joel's alleged suicide attempt on her mother, Christie Brinkley. She had just come back from vacation with her mom and a source claims, "They have knock-down, drag-out fights regularly over issues relating to Billy Joel." A former family employee adds, "She would tell Alexa that her father was an alcoholic and that she had her father's genes and that she might be an alcoholic, too." [NY Post]
• Showbiz 411 insists that the Post story isn't true and points to an upbeat postcard from Turks and Caicos as proof that "Alexa had a great family holiday." Peter Cook, Christie Brinkley's ex-husband, may be the source of the negative stories. [Showbiz 411]
• Sources say Mickey Rourke will marry his 24-year-old Russian girlfriend Elena Kuletskaya in April. "They haven't booked a venue or made any solid plans. He just knows he wants to do it in April, and he's been asking what is involved in a traditional Russian wedding ceremony," says a source. [Daily Express]
• Though Elton John and his partner David Furnish are not allowed to adopt an HIV-positive Ukrainian toddler because the country does not recognize gay unions, they are working to make sure the boy and his brother "have the best health care, education and family options available to them." [AP]
• Madonna said she wound up giving her daughter Lourdes a bigger role in her "Celebration" music video because, "She's been doing rhythmic gymnastics for years and she's very flexible, she's a great dancer... it was one of those fluke things. We didn't intend for her to be in the video. We did intend for her to be in the part where she dresses up for the costumes, that we planned, but the other one where she was just dancing with the dancers... she's very friendly with the dancers and they kind of dragged her into it and you know, it was just a small little piece. It's great, she's a show girl." [Daily Express]
• Madonna says she doesn't know if her kids would rather have a "normal life," and "Anyways they don't have a choice, they're stuck with the mother they have and I think they realise there are pluses and minuses to it. I think sometimes they'd like to walk down the street and just feel like normal kids and that happens, and other times, you know, they get great bonuses and perks out of being my children and they know it and they're very grateful and appreciative for it." [Daily Express]
• Kate Gosselin says her kids are distraught over not being on TV anymore. Kate says: "They cried in the van on the way home from school the other day. I finally admitted to them, they kept asking, 'Where's the camera crew? Where's the camera crew? We miss them.' And I said, 'Our show is over.' ...Eight sobbing kids driving home from school." [Us]
• Kate Gosselin spent more than three hours serving food at a Raleigh, North Carolina restaurant as cameras filmed her. Her bodyguard Steve Neild told reporters to leave and said she was shooting a test segment for a future program. [WRAL]
• Pauly Shore is suing his brother and accusing him of elder abuse. Pauly claims their mother has been "rendered susceptible to unscrupulous behavior and other undue influence because of her condition," and says his brother improperly removed him from the board of directors as The Comedy Store in Hollywood. [Radar Online]
• Bryant Gumbel has lung cancer and had a malignant tumor removed from his chest last month. "We had told a few people, we told my family, obviously. I even kept it from my staff at Real Sports. So I'm okay for the time being," he said. "I'm hoping they greenlight me to play golf again." [People]
• Though former Geffen Records executive John Kalodner says Lenny Kravitz should take over for Steven Tyler in Aerosmith. Kravitz says, "As much as I am flattered that Aerosmith's camp would consider me to front the band, Steven Tyler is a family friend, and no voice could ever take the place of his. I hope the band stays together. They are classic." [Daily Express]
• David Guest just realized taking Michael Jackson's advice about cosmetic surgery was a bad idea. "I had surgery when I was very young and it was the stupidest thing I've ever done. Michael Jackson kept saying, 'You should have plastic surgery.' I got my nose done and he said, 'Do more, do more!' It was stupid," he said. "If I had my way, I'd go back to my original big nose with a bit of a hook in it. It looked great." [Daily Express]
• Ryan O'Neal has been visiting Redmond O'Neal every week in rehab. "Redmond and Ryan are working on their relationship. Both of them are working towards a positive and healthy father and son relationship," says a source. [Radar Online]
• In the 911 call David Hasselhoff's daughter Hayley made on Thanksgiving weekend she says: "My dad just ... he's collapsed. He's standing up but he keeps falling back down ... But then he got back up and he's fine. It's kind of scaring me." [People]
• Nicole Kidman says she likes to focus on her health rather than how much she weighs. "As Keith's a musician there are pitstops at Wendy's" she says, "But I'm six-foot tall, so it's not weight that's an issue for me, but things like cholesterol." [People]
• In the 911 call made when Brittany Murphy's husband Simon Monjack was taken to the hospital from LAX last month, the caller says he "stopped breathing" but they "revived him." [TMZ]
• Bob Geldof attacked the U.K. family court for conducting "state-sanctioned kidnap" by holding closed custody hearings, adding: "In the near future the family law under which we endure will be seen as barbaric, criminally damaging, abusive, neglectful; harmful to society, the family, the parents and the children in whose name it purports to act." [Daily Mail]
• Russell Brand says it was easy for him to win over Katy Perry's parents because, ''They love the old school Englishness. There's a thing where the mom said 'Nothing's impossible', and I went, 'well, of course, Nelson Mandela said that everything is impossible until it's done', and she went, 'Oh', and she really enjoyed that... Obviously when I heard that my girlfriend had preacher parents, I thought, 'well, this has got a huge scope for disaster' but it's actually been quite good so far." [The Telegraph]
• Justin Bobby, Speidi, Kristin Cavallari, and Audrina Patridge will be back for The Hills sixth season according to an MTV spokesperson. [People]
• Mel Gibson's estranged wife Robyn Gibson has filed court papers requesting to see copies of his Directors Guild and Screen Actors Guild health and pension plans. [Radar Online]
• Travis Barker has settled his lawsuit against defendants over the plane crash he was injured in. [TMZ]
• Celine Dion says she's going to keep trying IVF even though it turned out she wasn't pregnant this summer. "We have a wonderful child, we're extremely happy," she said. "It's not like, 'Oh my god, she's not pregnant and she's depressed,' " she continues. "You know how it works. We are great. We hope for the best, we hope to get pregnant. If it happens, it happens." [People]
• Shakira says she owes her success to her parents taking her to the park to show her kids worse off than her on the day they declared bankruptcy. "That day I made myself a promise," she said. "I promised that I would someday succeed to vindicate my parents' social and economic position. But I also wanted to do something about those kids I saw so abandoned by the state, abandoned to their own luck, without any chances to change their destinies." [CNN]
• When asked how she got into character as the grandmother of a dead girl in The Lovely Bones, Susan Sarandon said, "I drank and smoked and partied down. No, I didn't do that. I think I probably had the easiest job of anyone, because I was going against all the really difficult feelings and trying to keep everybody moving forward and remembering to live and letting the light in, literally. Plus, I was always drinking and smoking, so I have lots of props - so it was actually pretty fun." [NY Magazine]
• Sigourney Weaver says of her new film Avatar, "You won't have seen anything like it. This film is going to change the way we look at movies. The whole movie is in 3-D, even normal scenes between two people. So you feel you're in the room with these characters. You're always in the best seat in the house." [The Telegraph]
• Of being called the "Bear Jew" in Inglourious Basterds, Eli Roth says, "Well it's funny because I've always been compared to some sort of animal. On Cabin Fever they called me hair director. On Hostel one of the Czech extras saw me in a tank top and casually referred to me as Gorilka" which is Slovak for gorilla. So from that point on, it was over. Everyone was always, "Where's Gorilka? We need Gorilka on set! There was a girl who nicknamed me wolfie, so I've always been compared to some sort of furry animal. So I just embraced it — and Bear Jew felt like the natural evolution." [N.Y. Post]
• Viggo Mortensen makes a good point about why we shouldn't underestimate Sarah Palin: "I think it would be unwise to dismiss her because she is foolish and misinformed. People say there's no way she will hold any significant office, in Congress, or as president. Don't be so sure. I notice she's starting to sound relatively eloquent in that superficial way she has: ‘We gotta cut taxes and we can't keep penalizing small business'-that same old litany. She's not saying anything significant but she's stringing the words together and she's not just saying, ‘Aw shucks, I just killed a moose in Alaska.' She's stringing the words together as well as George W. Bush did in the beginning... They realized they couldn't make [Bush] sound like somebody who actually read books and cared about how he sounded-even though he had the benefits of the best possible education. It just wasn't interesting to him to sound like he made sense and to speak English anywhere near well. But what they did, very cleverly, is say, OK, he's just like us. He makes mistakes when he says stuff; he's a regular guy. And I can see the same thing happening with Palin. So do not underestimate her ability. She's not going away." [The Daily Beast]

• Jon Gosselin brought his daughter a birthday cake that read, "Happy Birthday Maddy" today. The only problem? Her name is spelled "Mady." But it's not "Johnathon's" fault: Entertainment Tonight ordered the cake for him.

• The owner of Cupcake Cafe in New York says that before Jon Gosselin came in with a TV crew to buy his daughter a birthday cake, she got a call from "a person from 'Entertainment Something,' ordering the cake and asking permission to shoot inside the bakery when Jon came in." Jon started checking out cupcakes in the store and was surprised to learn a cake had already been ordered for him. A rep from Entertainment Tonight says says the show didn't pay for the $94 cake. [TMZ]
• Another court date has been set for Jon and Kate Gosselin after their hearing this week was cancelled when the judge's wife died. They'll appear before an arbitrator, who could order Jon to return the money he took from their joint account. Jon has filed papers claiming Kate is the one who looted the account. Jon has also made a deal with a TV show to allow it to film his kids birthday party today even though he doesn't want them to be filmed on Kate Plus 8. Kate's lawyer says, "I've never seen a greater hallmark for hypocrisy personified." [TMZ]
• Jon Gosselin said of Kate Gosselin appearing in a sketch on The Jay Leno Show last night, "It's messed up, the timing." He added, "What she does on TV, that's her career. I'm happy for her career... I hope she can be happy for my career [and] we can have a career on TV, kind of together, but our kids will come off." [Entertainment Tonight]
• Michael Lohan says an intervention is being planned for Lindsay Lohan because she's addicted to prescription medications including Adderall, Zoloft, anti-anxiety drugs, and bi-polar medication. "Over the next couple of weeks I'm going to be doing things in a pretty public way,"says Michael Lohan, "But Dina has got to get on the same page with me. It's a serious situation. You can't just talk about it and tell me that you want to do an intervention and then do nothing." [Radar Online]
• Supposedly Radar Online has proof that Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom's wedding wasn't legally binding and Liza Morales, his ex and the mother of his two kids says, "To tell you the truth the whole situation is ‘so out there' and although it still hurts I find it laughable." [Radar Online]
• Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom have no plans to go on a honeymoon yet because, "I'm filming, and he has a season until who knows when," says Khloe. [People]
• A police officer testified in the John Travolta case today that Pleasant Bridgewater burned a copy of the extortion document and flushed it down a toilet. [TMZ]
• Angelina Jolie says of her relationship with her formerly estranged father Jon Voight, "We're in contact now and writing letters. My parents gave me a strong social conscience as well as any acting genes I may have." She added that she doesn't want her kids to be raised as, "Children who have 'movie star' parents. I grew up around that myself and I want to make sure ours are removed from it." [The Sun]
• Worldwide Pants says Stephanie Birkitt hasn't been banned from David Letterman's set, she's just on a paid leave of absence. [Extra]
• Joe Halderman, who is accused of trying to blackmail David Letterman, told the paparazzi outside his house that he's "not trying to hide or run, but there's nothing I can say." [TMZ]
• Some Australians are calling Harry Connick Jr. a hypocrite for criticizing a blackface Jackson 5 impersonation on Australian TV last night because they've unearthed a video of Connick impersonating a southern preacher on Mad TV 13 years ago... except Connick isn't playing a black man and isn't wearing blackface. A commenter writes, "If he can get away with that in the US why is a dated and harmless blackface skit on Aussie TV so offensive to him? The man is a hypocrite of the worst kind." [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Travis Barker visited the Georgia burn center where he was treated last year after he survived a plane crash. "I'm here to say 'thank you' to everyone who took care of me after the accident," he said. "I was sort of unconscious the last tiem I was here, and I felt like I owed them a big 'thank you.'" [MTV]
• At the link, Method Mad talks to radio personality Big Topper about his time in prison for tax evasion and calls jail, "cool." [Perez Hilton]
• In court yesterday Christie Brinkley and her ex-husband Peter Cook accused each other of violating the terms of their settlement and custody agreements. Cook says, "She is doing everything she can to ruin my relationship with my kids," and Brinkley says he violated their divorce agreement by going on talk shows. [People]
• Peter Andre got into a fight at a hotel bar with Katie' Price's gay friends, who were screaming "childish abuse" at him. [Daily Mail]
• Terry Christian gave La Toya Jackson two unpublished photos of Michael Jackson. Terry said: "I've got two photos for La Toya, one of Michael Jackson and one of the Jackson Five, from my mate in Manchester who was the official photographer on Top Of The Pops for years." [The Mirror]
• A rep for Dr. Phil says he did nothing wrong to the woman who says he held her captive in his offices, forced her to stare at a naked man, and grabbed her breast. He released a statement saying, "Dr. Phil is never alone in the House with any of these guests and all of his interactions are captured on video and/or audio tape. All guests are, of course, free to come and go as they please and once Ms. Dieu expressed her discomfort, and producers ascertained there was nothing they could do to help her, they called a car service to return her to her home." [TMZ]
• Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are in a "race to the alter" ... even though neither is even engaged. [Star]
• Liam Gallagher says, "Oasis is no longer. I think we all know that. So that's done. I know. Without a doubt. And it's a shame, but that's life. We had a good run at it. The thing about Oasis is ... we ended Oasis. No one ended it for us. Which was pretty, kind of ... cool." [The Mirror]
• Jennifer Hudson says of her pregnancy, "David and I were the only people who knew for a long time. I would forget I was pregnant, it was so easy. I didn't have any morning sickness, no cravings either. I just thought, ‘Oh, well, we'll wait until it'll tell on itself.' I didn't show until I was seven months so that made it easy right there." [People]
• Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo are back on... but do you care? [People]
• Jon Hamm is featured in the new Reader's Digest in an article called "Tall, Dark, & Wholesome." [ONTD]
• John Cleese says, "I went through a very unpleasant divorce and discovered just how hopeless the American legal system is... For me, most of the things people know me from -Fawlty Towers or A Fish Called Wanda - are things I've been able to write on spec because I had enough money to live. Now I have to pay one million dollars a year until I'm 76. So that means I have to organize my life around earning the first million dollars every year. And the normal sources of income for people like me are drying up. There aren't as many film and TV parts - and you can do interesting documentaries but they don't pay anything. So I'm doing one-man shows and other things." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Valerie Bertinelli says, "I've realized I'm more important than food is. I love a big slice of pizza. But I love myself more. Being thin is about changing the way you think about yourself. It's about saying you deserve to be healthy. In no way have I perfected this eating thing, and I don't know that I ever will. But life is about making progress. It's not about perfection." [People]
• Patrick Stewart told a group of school children that he became interested in acting because going to the movies was an escape from his abusive dad. "My home life wasn't very pleasant, and not fun, so getting out, not being at home, especially to have the opportunity to escape into a fantasy world was bliss," he said. "I hated it when the movie or the Saturday morning ended, and I had to go back to real life. So, in a sense I was being set up for being an actor, for entering this world of make-believe." [The Telegraph]
• Carey Mulligan says of Nick Hornby, who wrote her film An Education, "I'm not surprised, because a lot of the characters he writes in his books, he writes really well. But it is a massive achievement for a male writer to get into the head of a girl of that age and write such a three dimensional lead character. Not a girl who's just an accessory to the story, but actually is the story. It's not surprising because I know how talented he is. I think he did a brilliant job at creating her, being a man and creating this really believable, truthful kind of girl."[Inside Movies]
• "Photo shoots used to make me weep," says Carey Mulligan, "It's easier if I wear something that's not my stuff. It's more of a performance, less about me." [L.A. Times]
• Carey Mulligan says she's adjusting well to being in the United States: "Like, I wish I could say "jackass" and make it sound as cool as an American. I say jackass as, like, [in her British accent] "jahkahs." It just doesn't have the punch. So I've fallen in love with, like, lingo, you know. And New York. I was here for six months last year, and I didn't want to leave then, and this time I don't want to leave. So I don't think I'm going home. I haven't told anyone in London yet." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Peter Sarsgaard says of his character in An Education, who has an affair with a 16-year-old girl, "It didn't seem like he wanted to have sex with her. That was one of my first reactions... I think he actually wants to be her age. I think he thinks he's her age some of the time, and I think he is someone who has a very difficult idea of accepting the circumstances of his own life, and so, like a lot of people-and I mean a lot of people-he is very capable of explaining his life to himself as something that it isn't, and living in a kind of false reality, and living in a bubble of a fantasy. And that's how everybody always ends up doing everything, you know? I mean, there are very few people that wake up every morning and say 'I'm going to do something today that is wrong,' you know? And then go and do it." [Gothamist]

• The new single from a singer named Lola is actually a track by Jennifer Lopez.

The song, titled "Fresh out the Oven," features Pitbull and is something La Lopez did "for the streets." [NY Daily News]

• Mary-Kate Olsen could have played a socialite teen vampire on TV, except the CW failed to pick up the show Blue Bloods, based on the book by Melissa de la Cruz. [Gatecrasher]
• Ellen Page will produce and write an HBO comedy called Stitch N' Bitch with Alia Shawkat and Sean Tillman. "The show follows two painfully cool hipster girls as they relocate from Brooklyn's Williamsburg neighborhood to Los Angeles' Silver Lake enclave in hopes of becoming artists — of any kind." [Reuters]
• The Russell Brand/Katy Perry romance is heating up: He texted her a love poem; she replied with a topless photo of herself. [Page Six]
• An Australian variety show has apologized for a skit involving singers parodying the Jackson Five and performing in blackface. Harry Connick Jr., who was a judge on the show, called the skit "disgusting." [AP]
• Carla Bruni claims she is in a never-ending "beauty contest" with the spouses of other world leaders; and considers Michelle Obama and Princess Letizia of Spain her rivals. [NY Daily News]
• All Hail Barbra Streisand, who beat Mariah Carey on the Billboard chart. [Ny Daily News]
• An "insider" tells the National Enquirer that Mackenzie Phillips worked as a "jet-setting call girl" in her late 20s — when she was pregnant with her son Shane. [Daily Express]
• Madonna's buying Jesus Luz a £1.7 million apartment; she's not ready to move him into the house with her four kids, but she's looking for something in walking distance of her Upper East Side townhouse. [Telegraph]
• Conan O'Brien and Newark Mayor Cory Booker have been feuding over the last two weeks, but Booker is ready to "bury the hatchet." In a written statement, O'Brien said he may not be ready to abandon Newark as a joke topic: "I want to again reiterate, I have only the highest respect for Mayor Cory Booker and the city of Newark, New Jersey — one of America's oldest, greatest, and most enduring punchlines." [CNN]
• R. Kelly has revealed that he suffers from illiteracy. "When I was trying to make it out here, I already knew, and I was stubborn about it," he says. "I don't even read really and I'm not afraid to say that. My cousins and brothers used to tease me 'you can't even read right. How you think you're going to come up?' The only reason I graduated from grammar school is because I had a great jump shot. I went to high school and [my teacher] told me 'you will one of the greatest writers of all time.' I believed. You [have to] believe it. You can't believe [anything] if you're hating. You can't achieve [anything] if you're hating." [AOL Music]
• Gloria Allred is accusing David Letterman of "sexual favoritism." [MSNBC]
• Remember when Joe Francis attacked Jayde Nicole in a club? Apparently the incident was caught on a security cam video. You definitely see him drag her off of a barstool by the hair. [Radar Online]
• Michael Vick is getting his own show on BET. It's a "docu-series" spotlighting his comeback in football and also his difficult childhood and dog-fighting ring bust. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Kate Gosselin made fun of her mommy image in a skit on Jay Leno's show last night, telling photographers, "Leave me alone. Hey, what did Mommy say? I asked you to stop taking pictures and you continued… Go to your room," [ET]
• "Jon Gosselin: Kate is 'trying to prevent me from seeing my kids on their birthday.'" Eyeroll. [NY Daily News]
• Sponsors don't seem to give a shit that David Letterman hooked up with employees — there was a Disney commercial during his Tuesday show. [NY Times]
• Beastie Boy Adam Yauch had a cancerous tumor removed from his left parotid gland and says, "I'm taking Tibetan medicine and at the recommendation of the Tibetan doctors I've been eating a vegan/organic diet. I'm feeling healthy, strong and hopeful that I've beaten this thing, but of course time will tell." [TMZ]
• Julia Stiles and Bill Pullman are in the Broadway production of David Mamet's Oleanna. Stiles says: "I feel like Carol is one of the more well developed female parts he's written. There's something so interesting to me about how relentless and confrontational Carol is. For better or worse she's a force to be reckoned with. David Mamet is really good at writing characters that are flawed. There's something so fascinating about them in their bluntness." [NY Times]
• LisaRaye's new reality show will tell unflattering stories about Star Jones, Vivica A. Fox, and more. [Gatecrasher]
• "Prosecutors have declined to press charges against the sheriff's deputy who arrested Mel Gibson three years ago, citing a lack of proof he leaked details about the case." [AP]
• Alicia Keys is starting a new company, featuring a range of products; first up is The Barber's Daughters, handcrafted jewelry engraved with messages of hope. [Mirror]
• Stephanie Seymour's going through a divorce, and husband Peter Brant says she spent $50,000 a month on new clothes alone. [Gatecrasher]
• Matt Lucas's ex, Kevin McGee, who hanged himself Monday, had recently confessed his suicidal thoughts to a stranger at a gay bar. [The Sun]
• In the entertaining piece at the link, Phyllida Law — Emma Thompson's mother — talks about her daughter's struggle to have children, her adopted son from Rwanda, and her hoarding habit. [Daily Mail]
• Is Antonia Kidman getting married at her sister Nicole Kidman's estate in Sutton Forest, New South Wales, Australia? [News.com.au]
• Michael Sheen (The Queen, Frost Nixon, Underworld) plays legendary self-destructive soccer manager Brian Clough in a film called The Damned United, which is being called Sheen's "best performance of his big-screen career." [USA Today]
• Oh, yeah, and Michael Sheen also plays an Italian vampire in New Moon. But you already knew that. Twihard. [USA Today]
• Whatshername, the cagefighter, crossdressing, etc. [The Sun]
• "I love Susie Greene - she is so freeing. I analyze things from every which way. She just reacts without any kind of censor. Everything is an indignity, and she is absolutely sure of herself in every single response. All those doubts held me back for years: I wasn't good enough, I wasn't pretty enough, is this the right dress to wear? Susie Greene thinks she is drop-dead gorgeous and everything she chooses to put on is drop-dead gorgeous. Imagine being like that." — Susie Essman on her Curb Your Enthusiasm character. [NY Times]
• Q: What's your take on the Letterman sex scandal? Many people feel it's hypocrisy for him to throw darts at other's sexual misconduct when he's apparently been no better.
  A: "Here's the difference. A — it's his job to do that. And B — it just shows people don't really know what the story's about, which is the extortion. It has nothing to do with sex. And we're idiots when it comes to sexuality. We still think if you're single, you're a slut, you're awful! You should get married. People have sex! That's it. It's not the end of the world. It's really no big deal." — comedian Lewis Black. [Reuters]
• "Heath was just so full of ideas and fresh dialogue and so unbelievably fast and inventive. He was still, in some sense, speeding from playing The Joker, which had liberated him in a way that he had never experienced before. He was always telling me 'I am doing things in scenes that I didn't know was inside me. I cannot believe it.'" director Terry Gilliam, who cast Heath Ledger in The Imaginarium Of Dr. Parnassus. [Mirror]
• Check out Heath in a trailer at the link. [NY Daily News]
• "We gave our blessing. We decided that it was so touching and that it should go on the air. It was a wonderful testament to the work Adam did. I only wish he were here to help so many more." — DJ AM's mother, Andrea Gross, who decided that his show should go on the air on MTV. [TMZ]
• "I don't know how to swim. So, I never spent any time on a beach. That's the good news. The bad news is that if you are drowning, I cannot rescue you." — Bernadette Peters, at a skin cancer event. [Page Six]
• "I would do 20 Vicodin in a night. I was on my way out. I might have been 24 hours away from dying." — Robbie Williams. [The Sun]
• "She's a manifester, if there ever was one. First-rate manifester. Madonna makes things happen. Put Madonna up against any 23-year-old, she'll outwork them, outdance them, outperform them. The woman is broad. And, of course, here you go: I still love her. But she's retarded, too." — Guy Ritchie, to Esquire. [MSNBC Scoop]

• Katie Holmes can add another feather to her designing cap: creative-directing new uniforms for the Church of Scientology. Holmes and Tom Cruise apparently had creative oversight of the religion's new threads, offering direction to designer Richard Tyler. [Daily Mail]

• For some reason, we literally had no idea that Daphne Guinness — Steven Klein's sometime subject, and a woman who brings exquisite creativity to dress — was Bernard-Henri Lévy's girlfriend. Lévy told her once, "You are no longer a person, you have become a concept." (Too bad he's married to the actress Arielle Dombasle.) [Telegraph]
• Market research company the NPD Group estimates that fully 12% of fashion industry vendors will not survive this recession. An additional 20% will abandon their expansion strategies, and retrench to focus on core markets and products. Sobering news for anyone who loves fashion. [WWD]
• Kate Moss and Scarlett Johansson, shilling for the supermodel's Topshop line and for Mango, respectively, ended up posing in awkward, sprawling positions, wearing grey sweaters and ripped black tights. Irrefutable evidence that when high street stores pick from a season's grab-bag of trends, their choices will inevitably sometimes coincide. [Stylefile]
• YLB, Yasmin Le Bon's line for the British fast-fashion chain Wallis, which targets middle-aged women, is apparently relatively demure — but still, she hopes, fashionable. As for her family, by the end of next month, Le Bon's eldest daughters, Amber and Saffron, will be 20 and 18, respectively. "I'll have two adults. In legal terms only! They can vote, but they can't do a lot else," says the supermodel. "No, they're great girls, they completely entertain us. But if I'd known how much heartache was in store... wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow. It never stops. There's no cut-off point for your children, no matter how grown-up they are. It's a big deal." [ToL]
• Christie Brinkley, on an average Sunday morning: "If it's not raining, I'll go outside with my coffee with my parrot on my shoulder and wander around pinching the petunias. Then I read the newspaper." [NYTimes]
• Tory Burch did a Gossip Girl cameo because "It's a show that's very important in our culture right now." [FWD]
• Dunja Knezevic and Victoria Keon-Cohen, who in 2007 founded the world's first successful models' union in London, are about to set up the industry's first-ever code of conduct to protect models from exploitation. The kinds of behavior they want the code to regulate includes the usual list of complaints about sexual harassment, abuse by hair and makeup artists — the union received one complaint from a male model whose scalp bled because of peroxide — and dangerous practices like models being asked to risk their ankles by jumping on trampolines in high heels. Keon-Cohen and Knezevic both grew up in Australia, but make no mistake the duo's home country has no plans to take up their initiative and institute a similar code: "We are lucky in Australia that we have a small but very professional group of agencies providing a world-class service," said a snippy spokesperson for the Sydney agency Chic. [SMH]
• Meanwhile, in other model-activist news, Gloria Mika, a face of L'Oréal, is campaigning for free and fair elections in her native Gabon. Mika aims to recruit volunteer poll watchers online, and says the response to her website has been extraordinary. The 23-strong field of candidates for president is led by Ali Ben Bongo, the son of the recently deceased Omar Bongo, who ran the nation for 42 years and enriched himself dramatically in the process. [BBC]
• Apparently, three male celebrities wearing mostly gender-neutral items marketed towards women, like scarves, pouch bags, and "boyfriend" jackets, constitutes a trend toward "girlfriend" dressing. We're suspicious of this "trend," but we agree Jamie Hince should probably not wear Kate Moss's denim cutoffs again. [Telegraph]
• Elettra Weidemann, on Anna Wintour: "She's been doing this for so long, surrounded by men. There's absolutely a feminist aspect to her. I think a lot of the attacks against her are misogynist. Men in business are totally cutthroat and nobody says bad things about them for it." [The Cut]
• "A couple of years ago I thought to myself that I wanted to build a whole lifestyle brand and really educate people that anyone can have style. You don't need a lot of money." Rachel Zoe says one thing and means another. [USAToday]
• Europe's largest distributor of band t-shirts, Completely Independent Distribution, may soon have to drop the "independent" from its name: the music label giant EMI is considering a $500,000 bid for the company, as it seeks to diversify its revenue streams now that nobody buys CDs but concerts become increasingly profitable. [FT]
• One person who apparently isn't thrilled about Marc Jacobs' and Lorenzo Martone's rumored secret elopement to Provincetown, Massachussetts, this past weekend: Jacobs' ex, Jason Preston. The party promoter, who was once so devoted to his designer beau that he has his logo tattooed on his forearm, Twittered to Courtney Love on Friday, "I miss u love!!! I feel this is gunna b a VERY bad weekend 4me rumor around town is he's getting married this weekend. : (" [CityFile]
• One way of reaching consumers in emerging markets? Offering purchase by installment plan, as Levi's is doing in India. [FT]
• Sales at Ann Taylor fell 21% in the second quarter, and the company swung to a loss. The company, which this spring admitted its product lines had been dowdy, is hoping that new fall offerings — and a new ad campaign with Cameron Russell — will reel consumers back in. [WSJ]
• Marc Dreier's ponzi scheme defrauded $400 million, mainly from large investment funds, and Dreier was sentenced to 20 years in prison last month. But a number of fashion companies, including Nike, Adidas, Seven For All Mankind, Tommy Hilfiger, Rock & Republic, and Nautica, were also investors, who are now seeking to be repaid some of what Dreier took. [WWD]
• Charlotte Russe, which put itself up for sale in March, will be bought for $380 million by the private-equity firm Advent International Corp. [WSJ]

• GLAAD is concerned about Sacha Baron Cohen's depiction of homosexuality in Brüno:

"We have very mixed emotions about the movie," says GLAAD's Rashad Robinson. "Those of us who saw the film agreed that you can't critique it as a single film because it's more like 90 minutes of individual sketches. Some are funny and hit their mark but others hit the [gay] community instead." GLAAD is asking for a bit where a baby is sitting in the same hot tub where two men are having sex be cut. "As someone who sat at the back of a focus group audience outside of Los Angeles, I felt they were laughing at us at times." [E!]

• Sacha Baron Cohen, dressed as Brüno, showed up outside of Buckingham Palace yesterday and announced: "I hope Prince Harry is coming to the premiere – I've heard he's a total slut!" [Telegraph]
• Brüno on prime minister Gordon Brown: "The guy needs a total makeover. He needs a fake tan, he needs to wear some tight slacks." [Telegraph]
• In the UK, you can't see Brüno unless you're over 18. [Telegraph]
• WTF: "Two police chiefs are under investigation for allegedly breaking into the Martins Ferry, Ohio, home of Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate in an attempt to dig up dirt they hoped to sell to the tabloids." [Gatecrasher]
• Elle magazine says it has "no reason" to believe that Lindsay Lohan is responsible for $500,000 worth of Dior jewelry missing from a photoshoot. [Gatecrasher]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have donated $1 million to the UN Refugee Agency, to help displaced people n Pakistan. This comes one week after Brad donated $1 million for a pediatric cancer center in Missouri. [People]
• Jersey Housewives' Danielle says of the showdown in the finale: "My kids deserved to see how Mommy was going to grow from this and move forward. My children needed to learn from that, and that is why they wanted to stay in the room." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Housewives' Dina says of Danielle: "I never denied that I was part of [exposing] the book. I just literally never had the book in my hands. Literally. Like, I never had possession of the book. So how can I go around showing something that was never in my hands? So Jacqueline misunderstood what I was saying. She thought I was saying I never had anything to do with it. But, no, I had everything to do with it." [People]
• Oh dear: Morgan Freeman had an affair with his step granddaughter??? [National Enquirer via Perez]
• Madonna is calling on Gwyneth Paltrow to help her decorate a room for new child, Mercy. Her Madgesty's "wish list" includes "porcelain dolls, antique teddy bears, a library of leather-bound children's books and ancient maps of Africa to adorn the walls." Plus! Lourdes is super excited about having a sister: "She's bought piles of leggings, hipster T-shirts, tutus and sneakers for the new arrival." [The Sun]
• This essay argues that Madonna's "acquisition" of Mercy just helps baby traffickers. [Daily Mail]
• "Madonna 'banned Kate Winslet's musician father from appearing on Snatch film soundtrack.'" [Daily Mail]
• Good news: Bret Michaels will not sue the Tony Awards, even though he was injured by a set piece: "I'm taking the high road." [People]
• Has Sean Penn gone back to his wife after Natalie Portman broke his heart? [Page Six]
• "Michael Jackson is looking for a child who is missing limbs or in a wheelchair to appear on stage with him at his O2 gigs." [The Sun]
• Wow: E! is asking fans if the site should be a "Speidi-Free Zone." In a poll, the site asks, "Beginning today through Sunday, we are putting it to the fans to decide whether to banish Heidi and Spencer from E! forever, or at least until they do something truly newsworthy." [E!]
• Billy Joel's daughter and ex-wife speak out about his split from wife Katie Lee: daughter Alexa says, "If my dad's happy, I'm happy and I respect any decision that he makes." Chrsitie Brinkley says: "I'm very sad that this has happened, and I wish them both happiness." [Extra]
• Billy Joel's wife Katie Lee was seen dancing "erotically" with fashion designer Yigal Azrouel six months ago, and some say he introduced her to people as his girlfriend. [NY Post]
• Apocalypto: Paris Hilton — and her reality show — have landed in Dubai. [AP]
• 50 Cent spent $33,000 on Tom Ford suits. [Page Six]
• Like Lost? Like Sawyer, aka Josh Holloway? In this clip, he talks about all kinds of stuff — his character, Jack, Juliet, etc. [EW]
• Lost alum Maggie Grace: Returning to Hawaii, but she teases: "I don't know why." [E!]
• I dare you, DARE you to watch this video of Ellen Page, Alia Shawkat (who was Maeby from Arrested Development), and Har Mar Superstar singing "Don't Stop Believing" and not cringe, wince or guffaw. [NY Mag]
• A fourth Mission: Impossible starring Tom Cruise? Just looks desperate. Although having JJ Abrams involved again is interesting. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Jennifer Aniston and Aaron Eckhart star in Love Happens, a movie about a self-help guru with a secret who dates a florist. Except it seems like the secret is given away in the trailer, which is posted at the link. [People]
• Reese Witherspoon with star in Pharm Girl, a comedy about one woman's experience working at a large pharmaceutical company — the longer she works there, the more she sees the "underbelly" of the industry. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Rashida Jones will star in a rom com called Celeste And Jesse Forever, about a divorcing couple who attempt to maintain their friendship while pursuing new relationships. [UPI]
• Coming soon: A Bride Of Frankenstein remake, in which "the monster is a babe," someone like Scarlett Johansson or Anne Hathaway. [Page Six]
• Guy Ritchie's chauffeur: Caught driving without insurance. [The Sun]
• Kelis has filed her financials with the court and it all comes down to the fact that she doesn't have a lot of cash, and having a baby takes money. She'd like Nas to pay up. [TMZ]
• TR Knight is leaving Grey's Anatomy and word is, he wants to do Broadway. Or at least: Theater. [E!]
• Snippet from this Betty White interview: You stole the movie [The Proposal]. And added the sentimentality it needed. That scene in the airplane really got me. "Well aren't you dear. Thank you." There were some other topics I wanted to cover— "Can I get you any coffee or water?" [MovieLine]
• George Lucas is building an office complex that looks exactly like Hearst Castle. [mediabistro.com]
• Critical acclaim for the second season of Mad Men? Duh. [Variety]
• You can't sue the Bionic Woman over a car crash! She doesn't drive. She just runs, making a wannannana - wannanana - sound effect! [TMZ]
• Ozzy Osbourne will appear on Jack Osbourne's show, Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie, in which stars do stuff like bungee jump, white water raft and skydive. [The Sun]
• "Ryan Cabrera Sued over Death Trap Driveway." [TMZ]
• Katie "Jordan" Price got drunk in Ibiza and said to a journalist: "I'm gonna cut your fucking face. I swear to God I'll fucking cut you." Charming! [Daily Mail]
• Is Conan O'Brien losing viewers to David Letterman? [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which ditsy blond didn't seem to care when a crowd of ladies caught her sniffing Colombia's finest - right out in the open - in Atlantic City?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Miss Congeniality was a romantic comedy, I call that a buddy flick. It's a new kind of film. If you really think about it; it wasn't about romance, it was about her saving her friend at the beauty pageant. Men do films like this, The Proposal or Miss Congeniality, all the time and they're considered comedies and there's always love in it. There's always love in it. There's always a relationship. I would like to help create a broader spectrum of categories where the writing gets better. There are great writers out there." — Sandra Bullock. [Reuters]
• "He's like a new man. He really went through something [with that racist tirade incident]. He used to be very angry and bitter. He's completely different now. You can see it, and he can feel it. I'm very happy for him." — Larry David on Michael Richards. [Reuters]
• "I wish I could afford to be here all the time, but it's a very expensive city to work in. It's gotten worse for me. It's gotten better in that they give you tax breaks. But everything (else) has gone up. I work on a very limited budget." — Woody Allen. [USA Today]
• "Chaz is embarking on a difficult journey, but one that I will support. I respect the courage it takes to go through this transition in the glare of public scrutiny, and although I may not understand, I will strive to be understanding ... The one thing that will never change is my abiding love for my child." — Cher, on her daughter's decision to undergo a sex change. [TMZ]
• "Positive is not funny. Nobody laughs at positive, 'What a beautiful day it is!' or how many friends I have, how many people love me. There's nothing funny about that at all. But there's funny in the negative. When you speak in negative terms, the more negative, the funnier it is. Hence, the funny crank." — Larry David. [LA Times]
• "In America, there's such a hunger for young people, so you get the young up-and-coming star. And then it becomes a time period when they really don't know what to do with you or how to use you. And then it changes, I think, after 50 - then you become - 'I'm the mother of the 20-year-old.' So I'm hoping there's going to be a shift again and I'll work more." — Andie MacDowell, who says her 40s were an awkward time because she had trouble finding roles. [Yahoo News via AP]
• "I don't like the word 'cougar' because it just makes me think of teeth and somebody who's biting. We have to come up with a new word." — Countess Luann de Lesseps. [Gatecrasher]
• "You know what, I prefer a flatter-chested look. That's just kind of me. I think it's more of a fashion look. If you look at a lot of high-fashion models and things like that, they're always you know, a little flatter. I like the way clothes fit better…" — Lauren Conrad is not into plastic surgery. [People]
• "We should all believe in something, and I believe it's time for another shot of tequila." — Justin Timberlake. [Page Six]
• "Seriously, this is one of my favorite songs ever. I love the whole album. I'm completely immersed in it. I can't wait for you to hear it." — Mariah Carey on her OWN new single. [NY Daily News]

• Mel Gibson "completely lost it" this weekend, according to a fellow churchgoer, who said he stood up in front of the congregation and "paced back and forth, furiously telling the congregation that he would not stand by and be judged and scrutinized."

• The source added, "Mel got up on his stage — the altar — and went off. He tried to intimidate the parishioners by staring at everyone with his angry eyes. Mel even threatened to shut down the church if people kept gossiping about him. The bottom line is that if Mel hadn't cheated on his wife and gotten his Russian girlfriend pregnant, there wouldn't be much to gossip about – he created this mess, and now he's trying to control it." [Radar Online]
• Nicole Kidman is denying rumors that she and Keith Urban are adopting a baby from Vietnam. Dang Minh Dao, deputy of the Department of International Adoption at the Ministry of Justice in Hanoi, told Australia's New Idea magazine, "Yes, Nicole Kidman wants a baby from Vietnam. We've been approached by the American Embassy." However her spokeswoman says: "I am aware of this rumour out of Australia's New Idea tabloid. It is a complete fabrication, there is no truth to it whatsoever." [The Daily Mail]
• Susan Boyle's brother Gerry said even though she's being treated for exhaustion after coming in second on Britain's Got Talent he knows she'll be OK. "She is feeling a bit exhausted. She is a bit tired and maybe even a wee bit homesick," he said. "First and foremost we have to make sure she is happy, and she is - she wouldn't change all this for the world. It would be nice to get her back home for a couple of days. But she will bounce back - we know our Susan." [The Sun]
• We know TMZ is expanding to cover political figures, but this clip of Dick Cheney is still disturbing. A reporter questions him like a Hills star stumbling out of a nightclub, asking if Cheney thinks the Obamas should have gone to see a Broadway show ("I don't know why not"), and if he's a Susan Boyle fan ("Sure, she's good"). [TMZ]
• We've lost count of how many times we've heard this: Britney Spears may be dating her agent Jason Trawick, because there's no other explanation for Brit going to Starbucks with a business associate. "In my eyes, Britney and Jason are definitely together," says one of the paparazzi stalking Brit. "I've never seen any other celebrity spend as much time with their agent as Brit does - vacation in Costa Rica, dinner, the Bahamas, running out to get Starbucks on a Saturday afternoon - I mean, it's not just business as usual." [Fox News]
• In honor of what would have been Marilyn Monroe's 83rd birthday, LIFE.com has released a series of never-before-seen photos of Monroe taken in 1950 by photographer Ed Clark. [People]
• Perez Hilton claimed last week that he never hired ghostwriters, so Guanabee hired a handwriting expert to study his infamous doodles and somehow she determined that he's totally lying. [Guanabee]
• Nadya Suleman's mother lost her house this morning to auction. Rather than helping her mom save her childhood home, Nadya recently bought a new home for almost the same amount of money that here mother owed. [Perez Hilton]
• Since EMI was taken over by Terra Firma in 2007, Joss Stone has become desperate to leave the label and is willing to give back £1.2million of her £7.5million advance to get out of her contract. "Joss has completely lost faith in EMI. It's all pie charts and products and there's no creativity. She has no working relationship with them and no confidence they will support her or market her album properly," says an insider. EMI won't let her go and is taking legal action to sue her because she won't turn over the master tapes for her new album Color Me Free. [The Daily Mail]
• Lily Allen is one of the celebrities featured in a new ad campaign to promote Britain's National Portrait Gallery. Her photo will be featured in an ad along with the caption "vocalist, lyricist, florist." Before her music career took off, Allen was training to be a florist. [Mirror]
• Pink's 14-week Australian tour is helping her rekindle her marriage to Carey Hart. Though scheduling conflicts caused them to break up, they've coordinated their tours so they're spending most of their time in the same cities. "It's the most time we've ever been able to spend together," said Pink. [News.com.au]
• Gordon Ramsay had to sell his Ferrari to keep his restaurant empire in business. He said his company expanded too quickly. "Tenacity and ambition overtook me. We thought we could do anything, that we could not fail. We flew too high, too fast," he said, adding, "God, I loved that Ferrari." [The Mirror]
• Looks like Ryan Cabrera's career isn't going too well. For just $24,500 you can purchase a one hour private performance by Cabrera through Sam's Club's online store. [Perez Hilton]
• Steve-O was ordered by a judge to enter rehab in 2008 and now he's marking each step of his recovery with a new tattoo. He has been clean for over a year and got another tattoo this weekend. "He was talking a lot about sobriety and passing another landmark," says a source. "He seemed like he was getting the tattoo on the back of his shoulder to mark a new sober period. He was in really good spirits." [The Daily Express]
• Zac Efron really wants to be in Vanessa Hudgens' new movie Sucker Punch because he wants to work with Sach Snyder. "I think it's an all-girl movie," said Efron. "But if there's any way to be in that film, I'd do it. I'd play a girl if I had to." [E!]
• Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart had dinner together after hte MTV Movie Awards. The surest sign that they're secretly dating is them having dinner in public surrounded by paparazzi. [Radar Online]
• Pearl Jam is recording a new ad for Target, and the company may be one of a group of partners financing their next album. [Billboard]
• Kimora Lee Simmons wrote an editorial for the Huffington Post about 14-year-old Trevor Casey, who was beaten by police. She writes: "As a mother of two beautiful daughters and one son, I am horrified at the way that our young black males are stereotyped: as negligible and disposable and destined for trouble." [The Huffington Post]
• Morgan Freeman says of playing Nelson Mandela in a new movie directed by Clint Eastwood, "If you are playing a living figure who's revered by the world, you've got yourself a major, major undertaking. You've got to do this without embarrassing yourself, your audience, and especially Madiba [Mandela's nickname]. Knowing that, you can be entirely too self-conscious. There are pitfalls, but I am going to be working with Clint." [Style.com]
• Natasha Henstridge says she's damaged her body in her pursuit to be thin, including taking pills and over the counter supplements. "I've done some things that probably weren't the smartest things in the world," says Henstridge. "All of a sudden when you decide to go clean, things are changing in your body because you done a bit of damage," [People]
• Pete Wentz's New York City bar Angels & Kings has been temporarily shut down for allegedly serving alcohol to minors. "There was an outstanding legal issue which the owners are now working to correct," says a spokesperson. [People]
• Christie Brinkley says: "I would never get married again. With what I know I don't see why anyone would get married." But she adds, "I totally believe in true love. And I think couples should celebrate their love over and over again." She doesn't think people need to formalize it though. "In fact, right at the beginning of a relationship, I would formalize an exit strategy," she says. [Ladies' Home Journal]
• Stephen Colbert says he no longer fears an audience not laughing. "The first director I had at Second City said, 'You have to learn to love the bomb,' and I didn't know what he meant for a very long time," he said. "But there's something nice about getting to the point where you enjoy the feeling that people aren't laughing. Imagine a child drinking beer for the first time and they can't possibly understand why you like it, and you can't possibly explain why it tastes good. But there's a buzz to failing and not dying." [The L.A. Times]

• Chris Brown has reportedly moved on. His new ladyfriend is actually an ex. She attends University of Mary Washington and they met in Virginia, which is where he's from. His reps deny everything. [Gatecrasher]

• Are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie trying to adopt another kid, this time from the Philippines? [Daily Mail]
• Is Pamela Anderson getting ready to wed —- for the fourth time? The dude would be her current boyfriend, Jamie Padgett. [The Sun]
• "Someone in the Kardashian family will soon have plastic surgery," says Kim Kardashian. "I can't tell you who, but someone in my family will look totally different and viewers will see it all on the show very soon." Uh, is it Bruce Jenner? [People]
• Suri Cruise is starting her "five day a week Scientology training," which really just means she'll be attending that school started by Will Smith that uses "study technology." But the school does require a "low-carb, low-sodium and low-sugar organic diet." Suri is about to turn 3. [Daily Mail]
• Although Lindsay Lohan is "heartbroken," Lindsay and Sam are still talking,says a friend. Also: Lindsay "barely sleeps, which explains a lot of her behavior. She's exhausted. She can't even sit down for a minute without pacing around the room. It's really sad." [People]
• Lindsay was seen carrying something called Neuro Bliss, which is supposed to "relax neural tissues, to enhance brain activity, focus and provide a sense of well-being." [TMZ]
• This report is titled, "Lindsay Parties The Pain Away." [OK!]
• Madonna is still trying to adopt Mercy James, the child in Malawi. Her lawyer has filed an appeal, and she says "I want to provide Mercy with a home, a loving family environment and the best education and healthcare possible." [Reuters]
• Mercy James is "in hiding" so that her biological father doesn't come and take her; apparently he has only materialized since Madonna showed interest in the child. [Daily Mail]
• News you cannot use: Madonna's son David is a fan of Australian football. [News.com.au]
• Is it mean that Joel Madden posted a picture of a young Nicole Richie on his Twitter and wrote, "This is why I love her folks. Is it not Ron Perlman circa Beauty and the Beast??" [People]
• Hermione's coming to the states: Emma Watson will be attending Brown University. [Daily Express]
• Even though Paris Hilton is with Doug Reinhardt now, she totally talks to her ex, Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos, at least three times a week. They probably just discuss the economy and ? [Daily Mail]
• Brace yourself for a Nadya Suleman reality show, which is super close to happening. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Some lady from a rehab center says she had a "secret fling" with Blake Fielder-Civil and is knocked up with his kid. Is it true? Will Amy Winehouse flip her wig? [Daily Mail]
• Amy Winehouse has been working with the Gorillaz instead of working on her own album. [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse and Duffy are no match for Dusty Springfield, says a friend of Dusty Springfield's. [Telegraph]
• Did Whitney Port leave her job at Diane von Furstenberg, after being beaten out for a promotion by Olivia Palermo? [Page Six]
• Josh Hartnett was seen partying in Miami, so he's clearly recovered from that gastrointestinal problem which sent him to the hospital earlier this month. [UPI]
• Did Jimmy Fallon steal an album cover from the wall of a New York City restaurant and show it off on the Tonight Show? He's claiming it was a prop, but the restaurant has posted a sign, saying: ""Wanted! Jimmy Fallon. A free meal and drink to anyone who can retrieve our record cover back to us safely." [UPI]
• Tim Roth says he was a victim of child abuse. "It happened during my childhood up to my early teens and although I'm not going to say who it was, he's long gone now — and I hasten to add it wasn't my father or mother. Things happen to you in your life, but you don't want to consider yourself to be a victim — you want to be a survivor and the first thing that helps you do that and helps you get through it is speaking and finding your voice." [Daily Mail]
• WTF: New York Post film critic Lou Lumenick wrote: "You know a movie's got problems when the most memorable thing about it is Sienna Miller's moustache. That growth above her lip is clearly visible in two scenes, once in profile." How is that relevant to the movie (The Mysteries Of Pittsburgh) or her acting? [The Sun]
• Sienna Miller has dropped from number 45 to 202 on FHM's Sexiest Women list. [The Sun]
• Trouble in Kate Beckinsale's marriage? [Daily Mail]
• Jared Leto invited children rescued from a life of prostitution to sit in on a recording session with his band, 30 Seconds To Mars. [Monica Seles is opening up about her addiction to food in a new book, Getting A Grip. [Daily Mail]
• Long-haired heartthrob Fabio wrecked a Ferrari on Mulholland Drive over the weekend. Did you know dude is 50? [UPI]
• The Hannah Montana movie took the top spot at the weekend box office with a fairly respectable $17.2 million. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Why the fact that Sylvester Stallone has Russian heritage is breaking news is a mystery. [Daily Mail]
• Sting and his wife have invited a group of friends on an all-expenses-paid luxury trip to Tuscany to discuss "social consciousness." [Daily Mail]
• Here's a profile of Carla Gugino in which she says: "I was so serious when I was young. My mom would come home and say, 'Carla, stop studying." Or, "The dishes are clean enough.' I felt that to be successful I couldn't drink, I couldn't smoke. But acting taught me to have a life that could feed my work.… I had a happy childhood, but I think it also pushed me to try to create my own sense of stability and made me very intense for my age." [NY Times]
• Singer Cassie shaved part of her head, and it looks cute. [NY Daily News]
• Two of Leona Lewis's cousins have been arrested for allegedly beating up and trying to rob some drug dealers. [The Sun]
• Ooh, a retrospective of Ray Liotta's career. He was so hot in Something Wild. [CNN]
• Bjorn Ulvaeus of ABBA says there should not be a sequel to Mamma Mia: "It wouldn't work." [UPI]
• In this piece, Sir Roger Moore talks about all of his ailments — kidney stones, shingles, low heart rate, etc — as well as his hypochondria. [Daily Mail]
• William Hurt will join the cast of the Robin Hood flick which stars Russell Crowe in the lead and Cate Blanchett as Maid Marian. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Shenae Grimes of 90210 was asked who she'd like to come to the set: "Luke Perry, obviously. I mean, come on! We've all been dying for it. I still am but I may have to give up the dream." [Mirror]
• This sentence means nothing to me, but perhaps others will care: The Veronicas are dating brothers from rock bad Carney. [News.com.au]
• Blind item! "Which troubled starlet is getting over a bad breakup with a member of the same sex? We just hope the latter's current boyfriend doesn't get wind of the girl-on-girl shenanigans!" [Gatecrasher]
• "Trying to do an aggressive sex scene is quite difficult. Especially in a public place with a crowd of screaming extras with their little camera phones going click-click, talking pictures of your pasty white ass. I've had my fair share of bedroom antics in films, but they were a little more private." — Jason Statham. [Page Six]
• "I have made several mistakes and one of them was being overprotective of the girls, which has led to an impression that the school is isolating them from society. The majority of girls are thriving, really fulfilling the dream and vision I had. They really have exceeded any expectations I had for them. In spite of everything that's happened, what keeps me inspired and hopeful is the heart of every girl, because they are wonderful, they are magnificent." — Oprah, who has been defending the record of her school in South Africa. [USA Today]
• "He was in an Easter suit, with the Easter basket and the eggs and everything. Once you've seen Billy in a bunny suit, it's pretty hard to think of Easter in any other way." — Christie Brinkley on ex-husband Billy Joel. [Daily Express]
• "I wish I'd never worn an American flag motif swimsuit to the MTV Awards when I was in the Spice Girls. This was me hating myself and hiding under mountains of make-up." — Geri Halliwell. [Independent]
• "I don't think you ever retire from films - films retire you. Sometimes, if you're unfortunate, after your first film. What happens is you say 'I'm going to retire'. And then someone turns up and gives you this script. So you're not retiring. I don't have my next movie and I'm not looking for one. But someone will give me a script possibly and I'll work again. If someone doesn't give me a script that I want to do, I'll retire. But there won't be a great announcement or fanfare of trumpets. I just won't do anything. I'll stay at home and do what I always do, which is cooking, gardening and writing." — Michael Caine. [Daily Express]
• "I don't care. If I don't get food in my mouth, I'm still happy. If my pants are round my ankles, as long as I don't get arrested for indecent exposure, I'm happy. I'm worried about keeping my hair, not how it's combed. […] I don't know that [my kids have] ever seen Back To The Future all the way through. Just as Parkinson's isn't a big topic of conversation in my house, neither is my career. I go down to my office every day and they say, 'Dad's going to work.'" — Michael J. Fox. [Guardian]
• "Only 1,350 rockers were made, and we sold approximately 70 percent in the first two weeks. The collector's edition photo album has sold more the first week than any book we've sold at Cracker Barrel." — Cracker Barrel's VP of marketing on Dolly Parton's merch, which is flying out of stores. [Reuters]
• "I wish we could have shared a bed/but her life was not her own/That's what happens when you date a girl/from Driftwood Nursing Home." — from Bob Saget's comedy act. [NY Times]
• "What I love about Donna is she's never jaded. Donna can kind of go through anything and she still has that girlish quality about her. I think that's something she'd have at any age. That's Donna to me." — Tori Spelling on her return to 90210. [Yahoo News via AP]
• "It's not like we're not talking, we just haven't talked. I love my mother. I've always loved her [and] no doubt she loves me. There's no feud. We simply never meshed." — Tori Spelling. [People]
• "Chris [Martin] is a huge [Sherlock] Holmes nut. He said to me before filming, 'You've got to be gaunt. You've got to be as skinny as you possibly can to play Holmes.' So every time I'm reaching for a muffin I think about Chris and skip the snack. That's been tough." — Robert Downey Jr. [The Sun]
• "I know what you're saying, but it's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors. Actors will say, 'My character this, and my character that.' Like beating a dead horse. Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me." — Bob Dylan, in a rare interview. [Telegraph]
• "I knew I wanted to marry her pretty soon [after I met her]. It took a while for me to admit it, because it would be crazy to be like, 'I want to marry you' the first day I met her. But I could have!" — Chris Pratt on fiancée Anna Faris. [People]
• "I found I was really sleepy. I almost fell asleep during a Chris Rock show - live, front and center. I thought, 'I need to have a steak.' You have to do what works for you. Some people need meat." — Rachel McAdams, on why she's not a vegetarian anymore. [NY Daily News]
• "There was a television series that never got made by that woman who wrote that big role for Helen Mirren, Lynda La Plante. They wanted me to play – this is how they think of me – a woman who had been beaten up and degraded. I refused. I'm sure the British would not like to see me in a role like that. No way. [As for the film version of my life,] I hated the script. I thought it would be based on the book and not just made up. I had a long talk with my friend, the actress Carrie Fisher, about it and she said: 'You might think you were degraded enough but believe me, for Hollywood not nearly enough. There has to be prostitution, there has to be murder.' So I took it back." — Marianne Faithfull. [Daily Express]

• Kate Moss is staying in on her birthday. A pig on a spit, crates of alcohol, a tiger rug, and deer heads were delivered to her home for the gigantic party she's hosting. [Daily Mail]

• Update: Johnny Knoxville explains that the fake grenade in his bag that led to his being detained at LAX was a prop from a MTV show he was shooting. "When the shoot was over, the wardrobe girl packed my luggage so I could go home and, unbeknownst to me, she packed a FAKE hand grenade (a prop grenade that I'd taken to the shoot) in the front zipper of my luggage," says Knoxville. [People]
• Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou are expecting a baby! [Us]
• Pam Anderson wrote a letter to city authorities in Mumbai, India urging them to sterilize stray dogs rather than killing them. [BBC]
• People asked celebs what position they'd like in an Obama cabinet. Anne Hathaway, Corbin Bleu of High School Musical, and David Archuletta all want to have one-on-one time with Sasha and Malia, which is understandable but still kind of creepy. Also: The thought of Katy Perry being Secretary of State makes us shudder. [People]
• Rub-a-dub-dub, this is a video of Robert Pattinson getting scrubbed down by a man in a tub. [Perez Hilton]
• Here are the first pictures of Britney rehearsing for her new tour. She is dancing, but the cut-off top that exposes the bottom of her leopard print bra still seems like a sign that something is amiss. [ONTD]
• Hustler is working on a porn version of Happy Days. What's more shocking is that It Ain't Happy Days XXX is the best name they could come up with. [The Sun]
• Catherine Deneuve is suing the editor of a book which portrayed her father as a Nazi sympathizer during WWII. [Daily Express]
• Paris Hilton has lost her camera again. It contains personal photos from her trip to Australia. Fool her once, shame on you. Fool her twice ... can't fool her again. [Perez Hilton]
• In other Paris pic news, Karl Larsen, the man who shot that infamous picture of Paris crying in the back of a police car, is suing ABC News for running the photo without giving him credit. Instead, ABC attributed it to Nick Ut, the Pulitzer Prize winning photographer who shot the picture of the naked 9-year-old girl running from a napalm attack during the Vietnam War. [TMZ]
• Apparently Neil Young's new album, a musical commentary on the financial crisis, is so bad that his fans are hoping the record company won't release it. [The Guardian]
• TV "star" Doug Reinhardt, who Amanda Bynes just broke up with, is so creepy that he's making public comments about their relationship and claiming he broke up with her. This is what you get when you date Lauren Conrad's cast offs. [Perez Hilton]
• The "milk mustache" ad campaign is changing its slogan to "Drink well. Live well." Christie Brinkley, who was one of the first celebrities in the original 1995 ads, is included in the new campaign. [Ad Week]
• Ellen finally got George Clooney to come on her show after tons of begging. [People]
• Tom Hanks, an executive producer of Big Love says that Mormon support of Proposition 8 was "un-American." [Fox News]
• Ha. One Oklahoma man took advantage of Capital One's offer to add a personal photo to your credit card by uploading Nick Nolte's mug shot. The bank actually sent the man the card, then contacted him a few days later to recall it. [The Smoking Gun]
• A love letter written by Edith Piaf to a Greek actor is being auctioned. She wrote, "I love you like I have never loved. Taki, don't let my heart die!" [Reuters]
• Lindsay Lohan violated the terms of her probation when she moved out of Samantha Ronson's house. She was supposed to re-enroll in her alcohol education course at her new address, but she was 10 days late. Her lawyer cleared it up. [TMZ]
• Ugh. Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson will guest star on an episode of CSI: New York as Bonnie and Clyde wannabees. [Entertainment Weekly]
• Apparently Lipstick Jungle isn't 100% cancelled and there is some plot afoot to save the show, if you care. [Entertainment Weekly]
• The premiere of a new London play starring Richard Dreyfuss has been postponed because the actor couldn't learn his lines. In previews, he was having lines fed to him through an earpiece. [The Telegraph]
• Mira Sorvino broke five of her teeth while performing her own stunts for the upcoming TV mini-series The Knights Templar. [People]
• Faith Hill and Tim McGraw will be paying $13,000 to $15,000 for their D.C. hotel suite during the inauguration. Celebrities: They're not just like us! [TMZ]
• "I think she's a frosty-ass b**ch, and she said in The New York Times Magazine that she didn't like the way I used language. I'm a lyricist. Call it whatever the f**k you want, but don't talk about how I use language because how I use language is my bread and butter. - Courtney Love, on her grandmother. [Daily Express]

• Brad Pitt's on the cover of W, two months after ladyfriend Angelina Jolie graced the mag. In the photo by artist Chuck Close, Brad looks… wrinkly. [Just Jared]

• Oooh, and in W, Brad Pitt says Angelina is not a homewrecker! "What people don't understand is that we filmed [Mr. & Mrs. Smith] for a year. We were still filming after Jen [Aniston] and I split up. Even then it doesn't mean that there was some kind of dastardly affair. There wasn't. I'm very proud of the way that it was handled. It was respectful." [Page Six]
• Jennifer Garner gave birth to a baby girl Tuesday in Los Angeles. What will Violet's little sister's name be? [People]
• Jett Travolta's sudden death will dominate the new cover of People. Friend of the family actress Anne Archer says: "John and Kelly never discussed his physical condition with me. I observed that he was significantly mentally handicapped. John always communicated to him as if Jett could completely understand him. ... It was a kind of sweet exchange, where he was just happy with anything that Jett offered. Anything." [People]
• Sarah Jessica Parker is reportedly moving out! A source says she wants to "bring down the curtain on her marriage." More later in Midweek Madness. [Star]
• It was reported that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes bought three apartments in one NYC building (we heard one was for living, one was the gym, and one was for Suri). But! This story claims that when Katie's stint in All My Sons is done, the couple will return to L.A. [E!]
• Kate Winslet could win an Oscar if Academy voters get creative with the ballots. [Fox 411]
• Lauren Hutton talked to Lindsay Lohan for Interview and L.L. told her: "I have become this girl who just loves to be photographed, doesn’t know how to focus, doesn’t know how to work on set, just loves the attention, knows how to go out at night, knows how to party. I lived maybe six months out of my life like that, doing something wrong, and then I stopped. God forbid I should have ever learned my lesson. People are so distracted by the mess that I created in my life." [WWD]
• Britney Spears missed some dance rehearsals for her upcoming tour and supposedly doesn't want choreographer Wade Robson to see "that she's not as good as she used to be." Uh, Brit? He knows. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Are ghosts to blame for the delay of Courtney Love's album? A spokesperson released a statement which reads: "The studio that Courtney was using to record had paranormal technical issues so they have moved to another studio." [The Sun]
• The "hunk" Amy Winehouse has been hanging out with in the Caribbean swears there's nothing going on: "She’s sweet — but just not my kind of girl." Maybe he likes 'em crack-free? [The Sun]
• Bad news if you're sick of Anne Hathaway talking about putting the past behind her: She says, "As horrible as what I went through was, it's not the worst thing that could happen to a person. In the history of humanity, it doesn't even come close." And some other stuff. [USA Today]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt is having a "tough time" after breaking up with her fiancé, if you care. [People]
• Perez Hilton on Anderson Cooper: "Rumor has it that [actor Mitch Morris] was having some kind of relationship with Anderson, but I don't have any photos. If I did, you would have seen them by now." [Village Voice]
• OMFGG: Will Nicole Richie be on Gossip Girl? A "friend" says "She wants a really bitchy, juicy role." [Gatecrasher]
• Ben Lee got married to Ione Skye in India?!?! [ONTD]
• Blind item! "Which pothead actor is seeking refuge for harder drugs in a NYC rehab center? The toker couldn’t quite kick the nose-candy habit." [Gatecrasher]
• Sometimes gossip "news" is too surreal to absorb, which is why the following information is presented without comment: "Rock superstars U2 have revealed their Spider-Man musical will be ready to hit Broadway this year." [The Sun]
• The new American Idol judge, Kara DioGuardi, says she's seen some male contestants who are uniquely talented. Unfortunately, this is not a euphemism. [AP]
• Some schoolkids saw Nicolas Cage in a Starbucks and offered him money. Time to shower and shave, dude. [Telegraph]
• The court system is trying to get Roman Polanski to return to L.A. to get his sexual misconduct charges dismissed; his lawyers are all, "No." [Variety]
• The woman who was used by police as a Jamie Lynn Spears decoy is pissed! She wants $2 million for her humiliation and harassment and "had no idea that her privacy would be invaded and her identity made synonymous with 'fake Jamie Lynn Spears—a nobody.'" [Yahoo News via E!]
• Will people actually purchase tickets to attend Mel B.'s Vegas extravaganza, Peep Show, which is a night of burlesque, singing and dancing? [Mirror]
• Kevin Federline's new girlfriend was kicked out of her apartment after not paying rent for six months. Perfect for each other? [TMZ]
• Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony went on a romantic jaunt to Puerto Rico and either are doing great or are arguing, like any couple, but it's so hard to give a shit. [People]
• Whoa: Back in the day, La Toya Jackson was kidnapped, forced into marriage and beaten by her husband! [The Sun]
• The wacky/emotional judge who presided over the dispute involving Anna Nicole Smith's remains has been cleared of wrongdoing. As you may recall, he cried while reading the verdict of the case. [AP]
• If you have £7,000, you can be the proud owner of this oil painting of Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy, a prop from the BBC adaptation of Pride And Prejudice. [Telegraph]
• Aerosmith is ready to work on a new studio album. Is the world ready for more rock of aged? [Reuters]
• Producer Scott Storch, 35, got the face of a 19-year old chick inked on his skin. A source says: "The tattoo is ghetto, big, and on his arm. It's crazy because he's not even actually dating her." [Page Six]
• How is it possible that the Christie Brinkley/Peter Cook court battle is still not over? Her ex-husband has filed contempt of court charges against Brinkley, and her attorney is calling it "unwarranted and petty." [Extra]
• Richard Branson's New Year's Eve party on Necker Island was B.Y.O.M.: Bring your own model. [Page Six]
• Hate your boobs? MTV wants to talk to you. [Page Six]
• "If a play came along now I would jump at it. I’m very keen on doing new writing. I’ve always kind of been doing new writing with plays and that’s where my heart is. Not that I don’t think that doing the classics is a wonderful idea, but Shakespeare’s got too many lines and the other stuff is really complicated. I like newer media stuff." — Daniel Craig. [The Sun]
• "I'm sorry it took until your 40s for you to be recognized. I wrote [Josh] off as I do all square-jawed actors. But bit by bit — as he became older and older — I realized he’s going to become such an asset to the film industry." — Sean Penn on Josh Brolin. [Gatecrasher]
• "I have made my position very clear. I do not believe that there is a military solution to the situation in Gaza. I support peaceful conflict resolution, and dialogue, which HAS to take place inevitably in order to resolve the situation in any case. I do not believe that the deaths of hundreds of innocent civilians will solve anything. It will only make things worse for everyone, on BOTH sides… I am not “anti Israeli”, nor have I EVER been, and for anyone to say that I am is profoundly offensive and completely wrong." — Annie Lennox. [Pop Dirt]

[New York, October 16. Image via INF]

In this ventriloquism metaphor, Christie's still-flawless California good looks are the dummy, and the hand of "keeping up appearances" is far, far up Christie's behind. Indeed, she is very rich, and even though she hopes to take up surfing and get back into "shell painting," it's sort of hard to believe that anyone's American dream involves your husband fucking a teenager in your new Hamptons home.

Which brings me to Gerren Taylor, who still dreams of being a Christie Brinkley one day. You see, Gerren made a big splash when she hit the catwalks for the first time at age 12. That year, she walked for Marc Jacobs, Tommy Hilfiger, Betsey Johnson and Tracy Reese. She became the first African-American to book a Marc Jacobs campaign, and according to the L.A. Times, everyone expected Gerren to be the next big thing. Except then she grew. The next year, "She went to Europe to try her luck at the fashion weeks there, but was told by booking agents in Paris that 38-inch hips on a pole-thin 6-foot frame made her too big to model. (They wanted her to diet down to 35 inches.) In less than two years, her career had come to a halt."

Gerren is now 18, and there's a documentary about her brief foray into modeling called America the Beautiful that premieres in L.A. this week. "In 2005, when Taylor returns from Europe humiliated, we watch her hit rock bottom," The L.A Times reports. "Agonizing over the flaws she perceives in her pancake flat stomach, her flawless face looks straight into the camera and she says, 'I'm ugly.'"

Gerren hoped to at least have enough money from her modeling days to pay for college, and she didn't even come away with that. After I read the piece, I initially felt bad for her. It sucks that she was made to feel bad about looks, and I imagine part of why she was encouraged to be a model by her mother was so that she could make money for college. But then I thought about it for a while, and I stopped feeling that bad for her in particular. Hundreds of thousands of shorter, less genetically blessed American women are having trouble paying for college. Many of them have to actually work retail jobs (the horror!) or rely on academic scholarships and loans to get an education, and the financial disadvantage sucks for everyone. Why should Gerren get a free pass because she's beautiful? And furthermore, why are there so many goddamn articles about aspiring models? Aren't there young women out there doing anything more interesting with their time?

It's time for some real talk. I don't care what Tyra Banks tells you, but not all women are meant to be models, and if you need to have an eating disorder to be model skinny, get another career. And as Christie Brinkley and her flashing veneers prove, even if you are a wildly successful model who remains strikingly gorgeous into your 40s, your life can be just as big a hot mess as the average lady on Maury. Of course, it's human to be fascinated by outlandish beauty. That's what photographs are for. I'm just over so many words being spilled on those image makers.

This Year’s Model [New York Magazine]
Model Gerren Taylor's Short But Stunning Fashion Career Seen In 'America The Beautiful' [LAT]
Where the Only Hiking Is Toward the Runway [Washington Post]

That sentiment was echoed in the oft-emailed Maureen Dowd column from last Sunday on an "ideal husband." MoDo was totally phoning it in with this one (she basically wrote a paragraph and then just quoted Priest and marriage expert Father Pat Connor at length), but it is still in the top-five most emailed list five days later because the advice contained within is sound. Connor said to Dowd, "Don’t marry a problem character thinking you will change him. He’s a heavy drinker, or some other kind of addict, but if he marries a good woman, he’ll settle down. People are the same after marriage as before, only more so."

Which brings me back to the Brinkley/Cook fracas. According to a Rush & Molloy column in the New York Daily News from May, 1996, "Cautious as she is after her brief marriage to Colorado playboy Ricky Taubman, Brinkley is still a sucker for gorgeous guys. She's been making the first round of Hamptons parties with Cook. who's a former model, a Duke grad and son of a federal judge. Like Brinkley, Cook has been quick on the romantic draw. In 1992, he proposed to actress/model Anna Rhodes six weeks after meeting her. But then, he reportedly got distracted by Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Ashley Richardson Montana."

A serial modelizer with a history of hasty proposals? I probably wouldn't have put money on him staying faithful. Sorry Christie!

Staying Civil In Divorce Court Is Hard To Do [USA Today]
An Ideal Husband [NYT]

• Poor Posh. After the embarrassingly poor sales of her denim line and ensuing abandonment by retailers, we hear that her men's dVb line has been pushed back "until next year" by L.A. boutique Kitson. Plucky Posh is undaunted, having spoken of her desire to launch a couture line and show at New York's fashion week. dVb denies the line is floundering, claiming that "it is currently being manufactured but is likely to reach stores later than anticipated." [This Is London]
• A man has confessed to the murder of Canadian model Diana O'Brien, whose body was found last week in Shanghai, where the 20-year-old was on a 3-month modeling contract. 18-year-old Chen Jun was arrested Friday morning in Anhui province; he apparently killed the model during an armed robbery of her apartment. [CNN]
• Gwyneth Paltrow is really slacking in her obligations to Estee Lauder's new "Sensous" perfume, refusing to show for any of the hundred ridiculous promos the company's set up (opening the stock market, anyone?) and leaving the burden on the slender shoulders of co-pitchwomen Hilary Rhoda, Carolyn Murphy, and Elizabeth Hurley. Recriminations all around. [New York Magazine]

• Seems the Nuclear Wintour has thawed for Obama: the fashionista was on the newly-published list of "major donors" to the Dem's campaign, indicating that she's raised fifty grand or more. [Neew York Times]
• Wait, fashion, and bloggers...petty? Hard to believe, but it would seem that style sites Fashion Indie and Coutorture are engaged in the most ridiculous war of words (and pictures) ever. Says The Pipeline, "in our years of reading and writing for fashion blogs, this is as mad a skirmish as we've ever seen." [Pipeline]
• The CEO of Overstock.com, that online retailer with all the insinuating "Big O" commercials, has decided not to sell fur through his sites. “You don’t have to think about it very much before you realize … you’re completely objectifying an animal when you say I’m going to wear it as a decorative object. That’s over the line for anyone who gives it any thought, I would think,' said Patrick Byrne, who's made waves in the past for his "battles against hedge funds." [Reuters]
• Are low necklines responsible for Marks and Spencer's market slump? Some suggest that the chain's base of older folks has been alienated by attempts to appeal to a more youthful demographic. "The clothes are not suitable for our age group,' says one older lady. "The dresses are too low on top and they don't have sleeves. They just show too much cleavage and at our age we can't wear that sort of style."' [Independent]
• Charity "Clothes Off Our Backs" latest fundraiser is selling off Rodo shoes. The twist/catch? Celebs like Kate Beckinsale, Cate Blanchett, Sheryl Crow, Kirsten Dunst, Zooey Deschanel and America Ferrera have each decorated a pair "as they chose." Apparently not everyone finds these words ominous: Pink's pair has already racked up $400 in bids; the heels Kristin Davis decorated have scored a more modest $170. [EOnline]
• Next up for Target GO!: Purses by Monica Botkier, coming up next week, and a jewelry line by Dean Harris on 8/17. We've not had great luck with the designer accessories lines in the past, but hope springs eternal in the breast of Recessionistas. [The Budget Fashionista]
• "Black is best when you're in court/The judge will be impressed!" That's Singin' In The Rain. This isThe Daily News on Christie Brinkley's courtroom choices :"The media-savvy former model - who's tried hard on the stand to argue she has been a perfect wife and mother - has picked crisp button-down shirts smoothed into sharp pencil skirts for her divorce trial against estranged husband Cook. Call it the Serious Woman's Uniform - and a smart wardrobe choice when you're up for a fight. "It's not threatening, that's the bottom line," says fashion commentator Mary Alice Stephenson. "The pencil skirt is a piece of clothing that all women respond to."" [Daily News]
• New York consumer confidence at all-time low. [Crain's]
• Super-scrawny menswear designer Hedi Slimane will be the cover model for the debut of Vogue Homme Japan. Said Kazuhiro Saito, editor in chief of Vogue Nippon and the new men's spin-off of Slimane's aesthetic, '"There were those very skinny, boyish male models. That works for Japanese guys."' [WWD]
• The public asks Tim Gunn ten really asinine questions like, "What movie or TV cast has had the biggest impact on fashion?" He makes it work. [Time]

• Kaiser Karl himself is set to help create and conceive of 80 homes on Dubai's new Isla Moda (yes, "Fashion Island"). Says the designer: "The metamorphosis of art and beauty is my passion. The discovery of contemporary mediums of expression has allowed me to pursue my interest in art, beauty, architecture and progressive cultural exchange. Dubai is a fashion bud on the verge of blossoming into the next fashion hub of the world. The city is alive with culture and rich in personality, making it a perfect place for aesthetic, fashion and design to flourish. Isla Moda has tremendous potential to be the style icon of the future and I intend on driving the island to high style stardom." [Refinery29]
• Perennially self-satisfied designer, phrase-maker and Cuomo in-law is disturbed by America's #1 slot in a recent international drug-use ranking, proclaiming it "A Number One We Don't Want To Be." [Awearness Blog]
• This blogger from New Mexico was just robbed. By chance, he happens to have been stalking Tom Ford. [Fashionista]

• John Galliano is launching his first scent. As one would expect, it comes in nifty packaging and will be available in three sizes, a body lotion, shower cream and body scrub. The perfume itself combines rose, lavender, bergamot, violet and amber notes and as is meant to evoke the impression that the wearer "just left the room but we've captured her essence." Sounds kinda like Perfume, but sure! [VogueUK]
• Hey, remember when Wonderbra launched that open search for a buxom new model in England? Apparently they found a dame with the "perfect look" (rack?) — only to have her disappear, Cinderella-like, into the night! It seems the young woman's contact information was incorrectly recorded, and she has no idea executives are scouring the land, trying to make her a bra-sportin' superstar. "'We are desperate to find this girl - whoever she is,' Wonderbra spokesperson Julia Nolan told the Express newspaper. 'When we saw her images after the photoshoot she was by far and away the best candidate but when we came to match her details we realised to our horror that we didn't have them. All we know is that her name is Kate or Katie, she is 5 ft 9 inches tall and has never done any modelling before'" [Mail on Sunday]
• Surprise, surprise: Wal-Mart leads retailers in sales. [WWD]
• The rocky economic climate might mean a weak back-to-school market, something that's generally been a reliable bump for retailers. In addition to parental belt-tightening, stores might suffer ftom the shortage of summer jobs available to teens. [WWD]
• At first glance, it seems like the news that there's a new, boomer-driven demand for "older models" with "laugh lines" is really heartening. Until you see what fashion means by "older." '"The market for older models has exploded," says Ginni Conquest, co-director of the sophisticated women's division at Wilhelmina Models in New York. (Models who are 25 and older are often referred to as "classic" or "sophisticated.") "It's our fastest-growing area, and it's a first for the industry."' By this definition, I am indeed the height of sophistication! [Star Tribune]
• The New York Times thinks ritzy shades are popular because the buying public is suffering from "bag fatique." My take? More like "bag prices." [New York Times]
• A former CEO of Marrionnaud has been found guilty of cooking the perfume company's books. [WWD]
• London grooming versus NYC grooming: Apparently "in New York regular treatments are seen as a necessity for women of all ages, whereas many women in their forties in London view the same treatments as a luxurious treat reserved for special occasions." Color me a London forty-something! [VogueUK]
• The new skincare developed specifically for cancer patients: snake oil or cure? "Depending on whom you ask, such products give patients one more tool to ease side effects or false hope that a cancer-specific balm is more effective than a mild drugstore lotion." [New York Times]
• Oh, Women's Wear Daily: "If justice is blind, Christie Brinkley certainly hasn't gotten the memo." And yes, they go on to call her "every inch the uptown girl" in her sordid divorce trial.[WWD]
• Iconic model Grace Jones releases a new single that could easily have been written by my 'Socialist' high-school boyfriend: "Corporate Cannibal." [Sassybella]
• Disgruntled employees launch class-action suit against Ralph Lauren. [WWD]
• Uh oh! Agyness might be the face of reinvented CK CK One! I don't think I need to spell out the implications of this for the probably-trumped-up-and-actually-nonexistent Kate-Agy Feud! [Fashionista]

The Accused: Perez Hilton
The Crime: Blaming the victim.
The Evidence: Regarding the Christie Brinkley divorce, Peter Cook's affair and $3,000/month budget on internet porn, PH writes,

"Maybe Christie wasn't satisfying him??? Seems like that was DEFINITELY the case!"

Or! The dude is a cheating sex-addicted dirtbag! That could DEFINITELY be the case!
Additional crime: Reducing a woman to her orifices.
The Evidence: On a post about Sienna Miller dating two new men:

"Hey, she's got three holes - that's enough to keep three men happy easily."

Yeah, not funny.
The Sentence: 500-page essay on the objectification and dehumanization of women in our culture, with a 100-page well-researched addendum on the psychological state of children whose mothers have been cheated on by husbands who hooked up with teens not much older than the children themselves.

The Accused: Webster's Is My Bitch
The Crime: Bodysnarking an infant.
The Evidence: On a photo of Nicole and tiny, helpless Harlow Madden:

"Yikes. That's uh, some baby ya got there, Nicole. At any rate, if 'getting fat' isn't enough to dissuade Paris Hilton from procreating with Benji Madden, hopefully this oughta do it. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the Madden brothers are perfectly nice and everything, but I don't know that "pasty, big head" are necessarily qualities I'd look for when choosing a sperm donor. Put a pair of ray bans and a fedora on that thing and I'd think that there was three of 'em."

The Sentence: A public apology and 60 hours community service in the neo-natal unit of your local hospital.

The Accused: Yeeeah
The Crime: Mocking a woman's weight, calling an average-sized woman "fat."
The Evidence: This description of Rachel Hunter:

"She looks like the East German hammer throwing team’s secret weapon, not a former swimsuit model turned reality star. It still doesn’t explain why her face got fatter, though. Maybe the folks at NBC made her maintain a strict circus diet of peanuts and cotton candy for her role as Bertha, the Lesbian Lumberjack Circus Clown. Rod Stewart sure dodged a bullet on this one!"

The ensemble is unfortunate, but she is on a circus show. And! Know what? She is 38 and makes way more money that you do. She doesn't have to put people down on the internet to feel better about herself. Shut yer trap.
The Sentence: A strict diet of peanuts and cotton candy for 90 days, followed by a bikini shoot to be plastered worldwide.

We interrupt this post to bring you…
The Drunken Stepfather Rant Of The Day:

"So, I went out to KFC to get my wife a bucket of chicken, and this black chick in the shortest fucking skirt and low cut shirt walks in like she’s Naomi Campbell and should be walking the runways in Paris and not the line-up at a fried chick place. Her body was lean, her legs were long and her tits were huge and she made me mad that I never bagged a black girl because I was always too scared they’d rob me. About a minute later, her pimp or boyfriend or dude she’s fuckin’ walks in and motherfucker was definitely packin’ heat, so I just minded my own business as they went at each other and her fondled her ass and stuck his tongue down her throat and she grabbed at his dick one minute, like they were at a swingers party but were really just at a fried chicken place, something equally sexy to some people. I just looked the other way because I wasn’t going to get shot and ignored them as they fought over their order and dude turned around and slapped her across the face for stepping out of line because he only had enough money for 1 drink and she called him a broke ass nigger in front of the whole restaurant, the next minute. It was a beautiful experience, one of total dysfunction and ghettoness, one far more beautiful than Naomi Campbell in a bikini kissing some rich white dude."

…You may now return to your regularly scheduled ennui.

The Accused: I Don't Like You In That Way
The Crime: Nasty nitpicking of a woman's body.
The Evidence: A "upskirt" photograph of Britney Spears, which is, in and of itself, a gross invasion of privacy, though, unfortunately, legal, is accompanied with this text: "If you have a short gag reflex, you might not want to look at these pictures of Britney Spears at Sur in West Hollywood the other night. Mostly because it looks like Britney's ass is growing a beard. I don't know the level of self-esteem it would take to wear this dress with hair growing out of your ass, but needless to say, Britney Spears could teach the class. If Britney's ass was bent over in front of me, I would be pretty sure that I was gay."
The Sentence: Any suggestions?

Want to report a Crime Against Womanity? Send the link to tips@jezebel.com with "Missdemeanors" in the subject line.

MOE: let me tell you something pathetic

MEGAN: Away

MOE: I just went down to the deli, bought an iced coffee, forgot the iced coffee at the deli.

MEGAN: Oh, I do that mostly with leftovers at restaurants

MOE: I guess I should go get it.

MOE: What are you reading this morning?

MEGAN: What's crappy hour without caffeine?

MEGAN: Most about how McCain's hiring all of Rove's people

MOE: Oh yeah, honestly, why is he doing that? Reading this "massive campaign shakeup" thing I was thinking, Is it really time for this? What has McCain even done "wrong" so far? And they couldn't get rid of Charlie Black? Also, isn't Charlie Black a weird name? Like an obscure mendacious Peanuts character.

MEGAN: What he's apparently done wrong is not hired enough Rove people? I mean, when I saw the news yesterday about the shake up, I thought it was to get rid of Charlie but there's not a word about it, actually, it's just bringing on more people.

MOE: Wow tell me this isn't a little overly "synergistic"…Also there is totally a joke to be made re zookeeping and Republicans but it is the Thursday before a long weekend so…

MEGAN: And Newt Gingrich grew up in Harrisburg?

MEGAN: Also, I've been reading about how Fox Photoshopped the NY Times writers to make them look uglier.

MOE: Oh this thought did not go through: "Yeah but did you get the Bronx Zoo bugs crawling all over that as you tried to read it? And you know what they say about Pennsylvania being "Alabama in between."" It was pretty deep. I still haven't gone and gotten my coffee. Last night was rough.

MEGAN: If I lived in a 5th floor walk up, I wouldn't leave the house much. I mean, I already don't leave the house much, but still.

MOE: Holy shit that is insane re Fox News. Can the FCC just shut those fuckers DOWN? The other day they were insisting that birth control was an "abortificient." I was screaming at the TV and I have no emotions so it was something.

MEGAN: The FCC has no control over cable, but the liberals have this brilliant idea of bringing back the Fairness Doctrine, which would set an arm of the FCC to policing that right wing and left wing views have exactly equal amounts of television time, not that that's not scary and creepy depending on which party is in office but of COURSE the Democratic party will have power forever and ever so it won't be a problem.

MOE: Oh right the FCC can't police cable, duh. Which is kind of hilarious since cable penetration in this country is probably 80% of households. But the misinformation those guys consciously and constantly disseminate surprises and pisses off even me, on a daily basis! Also, the ads on the E&P website are funny. One's about how to deal with your yellow teeth. I wonder if they suggest Photoshop!

MEGAN: Anyway, so, like McCain is best buds with Sarkozy who is going to meet with Syria and Caroline Kennedy is more than window dressing, but I am having trouble caring about anything other than the Brinkley divorce trial in which it turns out that her soon-to-be-ex only banged his teenage mistress 10-12 times in the year he was having an affair with her, but he gave her, like, $300,000? Damn,

MOE: Whoa he gave her three hundred grand? I wrote something the other day in Dirt Bag about how I wasn't so much feeling the Brinkley divorce but then yesterday when he admitted he only hired that girl to do typesetting for his firm because he wanted to fuck her I was like, "Ooooh, oooh, we should probably do a post on how to tell if someone is hiring you for a "job" that is actually prostitution!" And then I promptly forgot natch. Dude, his lawyer is a dick though!

MOE:

"For goodness sake: She's on her fourth husband," Sheresky told the court. "Your honor, we're here because of the self-indulgent wrath of a woman scorned."

MEGAN: Well, she's on her 4th husband because she sadly keeps marrying assholes and idiots, you idiot asshole.

MEGAN: Also, by the way, he reportedly stuck Billy Joel's daughter Alexis's face in a bucket because she took a long shower and something flooded.

MOE: No. fucking. way. I think Alexis is on the cover of Ocean Drive this month and I was going to buy it but…Ocean Drive is really heavy and…I just can't fucking believe this guy! And I wanted to talk about FARC and whether that laptop had anything to do with saving Betancourt and what she is going to say about Hugo Chavez now but…actually this is a really good story. And it's on the covers of the NY tabloids every day so that makes it sorta "news" right? Also it is the third of July motherfuckers!

MEGAN: That's right! Plus, um, can we have a little Bush/Rove conspiracy theory about the timing of his trip to Colombia and the freeing of the prisoners?

MOE: Wait only after you check out the culinary delicacy featured on the Weekly Standard blog I was looking at in hopes of finding some reaction to Hitch getting waterboarded, which I did not find, although I did find a review of a William Safire book by Chris Hitchens, who is still mad about Nixon…anyway.

MEGAN: Um, I really, really wish I hadn't seen that. I didn't mention earlier, but this Crappy Hour is coming to you live from my bathroom floor where I seem to be reliving last night's dinner in reverse in a most unfortunate way and I'm glad I puked after the last sentence I wrote before this because if I hadn't, I would've after seeing that picture. That said, Attackerman talked about Hitchens' waterboarding. He's not a fan of Hitchens, but he thought the video itself was important for people to see.

MOE: Well I was trying to look at right-wing blogger reactions to it you see because the right wing bloggers somehow don't talk about torture a whole lot. Also my coffee drink, which I went down and retrieved, is called "Big Black." Because Steve Albini won't fucking let it go that I wrongly referenced him in that Liz Phair post. Ugh.

MEGAN: I think the right-wing blogosphere is ignoring coverage of torture because, like actual torture, if they ignore it, they won't have to think about it seriously or try to defend the indefensible.

MEGAN: hey, if it's cool to be done, i'd really like to lie down for a while

MOE: go ahead babe. I was looking around for stuff to write about and um failing.