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Female Confessional Journalism And The Business Of Self-Hate
New York, 7:36 AM
Wed Dec 2
68 posts in the last 24 hours
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Female Confessional Journalism And The Business Of Self-Hate |
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
07/01/09
But to my sisters who admitted to self-snark to beat others to the punch? You are NOT alone. I do think we're trying to prove we're not conceited princesses - that we're flawed human beings that deserve care and kindness - AND we're insecure.
07/01/09
Now, in one sense, I don't want to said it's an invalid form of communication because it's not. Sometimes you need to get the uglies out, and really out, and not try to make them sound better of profound or even particularly dealt with. They just need to be out.
But I feel like the venue is important, as much as the material. Your personal blog about all things you is probably the place for that more than national mag. Which should have level of awareness and respect and insight into something if you're going to write about it.
I think it's important for women to be more honest about these things, definitely. We spend a lot of time feeling isolated in our various shames and guilts.
But at the same time, there needs to be more point to it than just a vent, in this sphere. Otherwise it's just perpetuating, not exploring.
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There is a big difference between a piece about how a woman overcame anorexia or learned to live with her imperfect mothering and one about how much a woman hates her body or how sad she is that she's single.
You see a lot of pieces from both men and women about how they overcame a personal problem, but it seems to be mostly women who write about how much their life sucks right now.
07/01/09
However, I noticed there started to be this one-upmanship that grew out of it. A testimonial that was like "I was 9 and decided I wanted to follow Christ's example, so I did" was BO-RING. But if you'd had wild teenage years and plenty of drugs, got in mild trouble with the law, drowned yourself in sex and frivilous pursuits, felt empty, and then wanted purpose so you decided to follow Christ, THAT was a testimonial.
The point I'm making is that there is a line from relating and common experience (and finding solidarity in that experience) and then trying to show how you're so brave and valiant for overcoming your own demons, and the worse the demons, the better.
07/01/09
We share these kind of confessionals all the time on this site. It makes us feel better. I don't think that the rest of you are losers or disturbed or neurotic - and it makes me feel that I'm not, either, because look at you guys - you're awesome!
07/01/09
Everyone has insecurities, but I do find it disturbing that women are encouraged to wallow in their insecurities rather than recognize them for what they are: irrational and damaging.
07/01/09
And knowing that these obviously successful, kick-ass women have some of the same insecurities doesn't make me wallow, it makes me snap out of it. It's cool, and it's helpful.
07/01/09
07/01/09
After all, just because there are sad examples of men who write a load of old shite - Tucker Max, or whatever the fuck his name is, springs to mind - it doesn't make me think that ALL men are like that.
07/01/09
Don't believe the hype; believe the hate!
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07/01/09
I do believe that women are rewarded for pointing out our flaws. How often do we hear our (female) friends talking about what is wrong with them, before we even get a chance to sit down? It's a form of self-flagellation: "Bless me, society, for I have sinned." (And God save the woman who dares to admit in print that she knows that she is beautiful [or smart, or talented, but mostly beautiful]).
So, again, the writing can be important and helpful if it's thoughtful and honest, not merely an exploitative parroting of the sort of damaging shit that we're expected to be thinking on a daily basis.
07/01/09
I also personally think that there may be an element of defensiveness and status anxiety underlying a lot of these articles; the subtext in some cases seems to be "I may be successful, upper middle-class, and attractive, but don't go thinking that I'm part of the elite - I have problems, too!"
07/01/09
Sorry kind of stream of consciousness... trying to wrap my mind around this.
07/01/09
But absolutely, yes, there's that defensiveness. Women seem to need to defend their successes by pointing to their failures (and by "need," I mean: Are called upon to).
@schlegs84 thinks John Galt can suck it.: It's my personal experience that men do this thing less, but I have heard my husband bad-mouth himself in ways that make me want to say "not in front of the children!"
A great woman ex-boss of mine once told me that when men make mistakes, they move on, whereas women tend to think that they are now about to be found out as the impostors that they are -- that is: Men often don't see themselves defined by their mistakes, whereas women often do. I have no great conclusion to draw, this is also kind of stream of consciousness, actually. (Like all good conversations!)
07/01/09
Bravo. I try to live this way.
I feel quite icky about these kinds of articles. I would hop that they might help someone, but I believe they just perpetuate the cycle of female hate.
07/01/09
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07/01/09
I completely agree.
I firmly believe that all of this body haterd is force-fed to us by the media to keep women's minds off of the real problems that affict them. Instead of being angry about the gender wage gap or rape or sexual harassment or any of the other shitty things that society heaps on us because we are female, focus on your weight! And your looks! And your clothes! And your hair! And how you will never, ever, ever be good enough in the eyes of the world... unless you buy this $600 cream!
Bullshit, all of it. Love yourselves, everyone. Your body is amazing, because it is YOUR body and it works. It moves you around and dances and sings and lifts things and gives great hugs. Love your body.
07/01/09
07/01/09
I think that it's also just one issue. As you point out, society/the patriarchy/whatever we want to call it, has a long, long list of things that we as women must obsess over and worry about more and spend more time on. It's a wonder we get anything done at all!
07/01/09
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07/01/09
So, you're saying that someone who is fat should spend all of their time (or at least a good portion of it) thinking about nothing other than how fat they are? Do you realize how damaging that is and how that will actually lead to unhealthy eating and other unhealthy behavior? And no, we do not all obsess about weight.
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