Marcel the Shell Is Dating Captain America
This morning I rolled out of bed, shuffled to my computer, opened it up, directed my web browser to Us Weekly’s home page, and yelped at its latest headline. Jenny Slate, the actress/comedian/author whom you might know from any number of things (including her work co-creating/providing a voice for Marcel the Shell),…
Chris Evans Breaks Your Heart, Is Dating Lily Collins
Sorry Captain America fans, Chris Evans is dating Lily Collins. According to Us Weekly, the two met at an Oscars party. Apparently Collins is the daughter of soft rock icon, Phil Collins and, like all celebrity children, she's an actress and a model. And since I'd had never heard of Collins before this morning, my…
Chris Pratt and Chris Evans Continue To Melt the Coldest of Hearts
Chris Pratt and Chris Evans continued their all-Chris tour of melting hearts and being adorable. Nearly a month after Pratt fulfilled his losing Super Bowl bet by dressing as Star-Lord and visiting Christopher's Haven, a Boston non-profit children's hospital, Evans followed suit. Evans donned his Captain America…
Following Fatal Accident, Police Want Warrant for Bruce Jenner's Phone
According to TMZ, the L.A. County's Sheriff's Department are in the process of securing search warrants for Bruce Jenner's cell phone records. They want to determine if Jenner was texting when he hit another driver yesterday. Jenner rear-ended the driver which forced her car into oncoming traffic. The driver later…
One of Taylor Swift's Genius Fans Tried to Swim to Her New Mansion
Not cool, guy: A crazed Taylor Swift fan swam a mile in super cold ocean water to try to bust into her newly purchased Rhode Island manse.
Prince Harry and Michelle Obama Host Swoony White House Teatime
Re-watch your VHS of the Oscar-winning Julia Stiles rom-com The Prince And Me, because Prince Harry is on our shores and hearts are motherfucking AFLUTTER. Michelle Obama and Jill Biden surprised their guests at a White House Mother's Day ceremony when the Royal Ginger Apparated in front of the crowd.
Rihanna and Chris Brown Maybe Did Sex in a Bar Bathroom Last Night
Yes, Rihanna and Chris Brown put their faces on each other at a club in the Meatpacking District this past evening after arriving within five minutes of each other. Like the classiest mating call displayed on a Discovery Channel special, Breezy "raised his shirt and was dancing promiscuously" in Rihanna's general…
Guess Which Celebrity Chef Is Already Booked To Make Brangelina's Christmas Dinner?
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have hired my mom's pretend (but serious pretend) boyfriend Jamie Oliver to come to their Surrey estate to cook them Christmas dinner. Pitt and Oliver have been buddies since the Jennifer Aniston days. The British chef has tried to give him cooking lessons before, but he's "useless in the…
Prince Harry's Royal Peen Caught on Video!
The rumblings around the castle are ominous this week: the now-infamous Prince Harry Naked Bear Hug-Gate photos are only the tip of the iceberg, say Vegas sources, and the royal media will soon have to contend with "something pretty gigantic" (LOLOLOL pun). It appears that there's actually video of the Prince partying…

