Jezebel 
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New York, 5:59 AM
Sun Nov 29
17 posts in the last 24 hours
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03/10/09
is that too much like right?
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03/09/09
Also these stay-at-home or work "debates" ignore populations of mothers who have a history of working outside the home and highlights that we aren't still asking for employers to do more to accommodate employees invested in personal lives (ie daycares at work, better insurance plans, working split-shifts, co-sharing positions, etc...). Also,not every working mother with a partner is doing so for purely materialistic reasons.
As a kid I experienced both having a SAHM and later a working mom and the comfort I had coming home from elementary school and having my mom watch me do my homework was equal to how proud I was to ride with my Dad to pick her up and see her in her work clothes.
/Sorry this is so long. I just can't stand how smug some people get whenever this topic comes up and that no one wants to get away from this divisive dichotomy and think about the other alternatives to what parenting could look like.
03/10/09
I'm not sure if this is patriarchally oppressive or just how the numbers work. But if I were married and I made more, I'd want to use the smaller income (my husbands) for daycare and live on my income.
03/09/09
Give it a rest, media.
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03/09/09
I wasn't aware we needed an excuse to go back to work. I wasn't aware we needed an excuse NOT to go back to work. Last time I checked, our choices were just that--ours. Kindly butt out.
Sincerely,
Scientist whose lovely boyfriend wants to stay at home with their hypothetical future children.
03/09/09
I am SO GLAD that the economy has been in the can because there just aren't jobs out there, and I LOVE staying home with him. If there were good jobs in my field available, I would feel like I HAD to go back to work.
03/11/09
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03/09/09
I do wonder why it's your paycheck that goes to the nanny. Linda Hirshman points out in her book "Get to Work" that families always do the math based on the woman's paycheck. This is partly because the woman often has a lower salary, but also, as Hirshman argues, because it's assumed child care is the woman's responsibility. So if the man earns 70K and the woman earns 40, and child care costs 20, families tend to say, well, after taxes, her salary is not much more than 20K, so why doesn't she just stay home and take care of the kid? The alternative, according to Hirshman, is to do the math this way: the family income is 110K, 20 K of that goes to childcare since it's a joint responsibility, and everyone keeps their jobs.
03/09/09
So I suppose again, it all comes back to choice. You do what is best for you and your family, and you can't really judge what others do. They do the best they can in their situations.
03/09/09
Yes, there are plenty of women who do everything and work outside the home, too. But I would rather live without the large boat all my neighbors have, or the three-times-a-year vacation instead of our once-a-year vacation. My son wears Target/Gap sale clothes, and doesn't notice the difference between his clothes and all the labels on his friends.
03/09/09
I live in a larger city and we don't have a boat an we also wear Target clothing and clip coupons and never take a vacation and there's still no way we could ever afford to be on one income.
I'm not arguing with you--just agreeing with you. So many of these articles make it sound like you either stay at home and skip $4 coffees or you both work and vacation in Europe and buy a boat. Not quite that black & white. There are numerous two-income families making tons of sacrifices and living frugally just as there are a number of one-income families who sacrifice nothing. Every situation is so very different with so many factors.
03/09/09
03/09/09
Whenever they worry about money or float the idea of taking my sister out of her final year at her university, I have to wonder why my stepmom doesn't seek employment. Lab jobs are not in short supply in our area, and she's fully qualified to do basic lab work, part-time or full-time. How is it an obvious solution to me, and not to them?
03/09/09
As aggravating as working for Sbux was (anyone who says it's "just pouring coffee" has never actually been a barista), I thought it would feel good to have my time more for myself and my children, and have the freedom to volunteer and make myself available for the various fun things I do (martial arts, dance, writing), and also I could quit complaining about never being able to keep up with the housework.
Instead, I've found myself increasingly depressed and useless. Being a stay-at-home mom to kids who are not really at home much (they're in 1st grade and are in school 9a-330p) makes me feel really adrift, uncertain, and lacking in a schedule to keep me focused. I lag farther and farther behind in everything, and feel overwhelmed and just want to run away.
No matter how much I bitched about the unending grind of caring for 2 infants or being a coffee slave, at least it gave me a routine and purpose to my days.
03/09/09
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03/09/09
I also signed up to volunteer at the local gay rights centre and told the head of my capoeira academy to have me first on the list for people to call for volunteers for workshops, classes, clean-up, etc., since I am one of a handful of people in our group jobless and looking for structure. It definitely helps.
03/09/09
I also recommend animal shelters who may in the need of dog walkers etc... Hang in there!
03/09/09
Exactly! Funny thing is, I love being with my kids--the stay-at-home mom part I had from their birthday until I took that job before was AWESOME and I'd love to do it again.
Somehow, though, I'm just floating and feeling kind of apathetic about life.
03/09/09
03/09/09
Sometimes, it's hard to find places to volunteer that really want someone around that much, but if you think it might work for you, do some digging. Sometimes places like Headstart could use extra hands during hours that your kids are in school or you could do something with flexible times, like holding babies at the hospital. (This is a real volunteer position; one of my roommates used to do it and my mom wants to do it when she retires.) It can be a bit weird to show up at places so much at first, but they'll really value having someone who is around a lot and knows what they're doing after a couple of months and who is reliable and predictable in her hours.
03/09/09
What jobs are these women getting when they go back in the workforce? My own colleagues seem unable to stay employed! Why I'm currently staring at my 'puter myself wondering if I've been axed and just don't know it yet.
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03/09/09
I'd just better get my raise. My husband hasn't had one in four years; one of us needs to make up that ground.
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03/09/09
On top of that, when you stay home, there are lots of things to like, and lots of reasons you want to stay home. But that doesn't mean there aren't lots of things that are difficult and you struggle with. Sometimes someone needs that extra little thing in the cons side, like "the economy," to feel ok making the decision to go back to work.
Everyone can be snarky about it, but it's the truth for some women.
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