Jezebel 
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New York, 7:27 PM
Sun Nov 29
22 posts in the last 24 hours
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02/13/09
02/12/09
Bennett's children have not shown up on the evening news and hiring help does not make a woman less of a parent. It does not mean that she is not raising her own children. My mother, who grew up with servants and nannies would be appalled at the idea that she wasn't raised by her own mother, or that her mother should have had less kids than she did(she was one of 4) If we could've afforded it, I wish my parents could have hired nannies so my mother could have worked like she wanted to AND raised her three children(Or is that too many, so she deserved what she got?). I admire Laura Bennett for what she has accomplished. She's worked hard for everything she has.
02/12/09
There's only so much I can do about not jumping on mothers when we're only getting online content from this one particular mother and not her spouse.
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I just talked to my mom on the phone, who was crying and almost hyperventillating about the guilt she feels for not spending any time with my brother and I when we were growing up. My dad was in federal prison for 3 years and she was a single mom and working her ass off and couldn't even comprehend the thought of leaving work early to go to a parent teacher meeting- but she was working to make sure we could eat. She didn't even realize she was missing out on my childhood until it was over. She doesn't have any memories of taking me to piano lessons or sitting at the table and coloring with me. Even though I spent way more time with my daycare teacher than my mom, I know that she sacrificed everything to give me and my brother what she didn't have (she grew up in true poverty). I couldn't love her more and we couldn't be closer or have a better relationship then we do now.
We were in low-income daycare for 3 hours after school everyday, and I'm sure that my mom would've felt so much better if she had been able to afford a nanny to spend quality time with us. My point is, Laura Bennett works her ass off to give her kids stuff that maybe she never had. Sure, her priorities might be a little screwed up but most parents would do everything they could to provide for their kids and I don't think it's up to any of us to judge other people's parenting styles if they have the financial means and their kids are loved. Maybe she'll regret not spending more time with her kids but she's raising them the way she thinks is best.
I think my point might've gotten lost in my emotions. Sorry.
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I think she missed the gist of my point though. One has kids to be involved in their lives. Sometimes it's supplemented by day-care or a nanny or a baby-sitter or a grandparent or whoever. But when you have so many kids you need a fleet of almost round the clock care then something, somewhere, got off balance.
No, you don't have to change every diaper. But the drudgery--the diapers, the feedings, then running, and sweating and tears--that's what helps make you a parent rather than just someone who just likes having kids. Accept no substitutes.
(And that goes for the dads, too. Something I often pointed out to my husband.)
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02/12/09
It doesn't "invalidate" her ability to mother, but from the first thread the question was, why would she want to? Why keep having kids and having kids and having kids when--at some point--you know you're a)taking more of you away from the kids you already have, and b)just going to have to hire more help. The question is mainly, why, when you know you already can't handle it, would you want to not handle it even more?
02/12/09
What if she hired the additional nanny after she had all the kids and learned that one of the children had a learning disability and needed additional one-on-one time with her to improve his reading skills? Would that meet with your approval to hire another nanny?
What if the manny was hired after her husband threw his back out and couldn't roughhouse with five rapidly growing boys anymore? Would that meet with your approval?
Finally, and most importantly, you don't know why she had more kids and it's really none of your business.
02/12/09
Look, it was an opinion piece on a website that asks for comments and opinions, and I have mine, and I expressed it. Isn't that special?
And yes, we do know what led to the hiring of additional nannies. She said so:
"I could pretend to be some sort of self-aggrandized uber-mom who does it all, but the truth is I couldn't possibly get all my kids to places they need to be, well-fed, relatively clean, with homework completed all by myself without going completely postal."
She has the nannies so she can maintain her schedule and keep her sanity. Great. Y'know what else would help with that? Fewer kids.
Seriously. You're waist deep in quick sand and you call for someone to throw you a rope and then pausing, you think about it and say, "Y'know what would be great? MORE SAND."
Who does that?
02/12/09
Please let me know when it was that she gave birth to the children and when each of the nannies was hired. That might clear up some of my confusion.
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If Laura wanted to seriously respond, she's had the access to media to do so in the past.
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Also, my sister teaches music to kids for a living, and she would be happy to quote you all kinds of statistics about how much better kids do in school if they have some kind of musical education. The problem is not that Laura Bennett spends money on music lessons, the problem is that every kid should have access to music in school. It shouldn't just be something extra for rich kids.
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If we have anything to say about this woman, why isn't it about class cleavage and the fact that some women get to devote their lives to fashion and provide for dozens of babies while others must not have kids (or do so in poverty) and then help raise other people's children to make ends meet.
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Look, she can afford it. She chose to have six kids. She is not abusing or ignoring them. And, I agree that music is a "need," but I come from a musical family and wouldn't have it any other way.
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Anyway, I think Laura is being given an unreasonably hard time. I don't think we can judge her love for her children given the info. we have. I'm not all that troubled by her calling her nannies "girls" if they're not. "Girls" isn't inherently offensive, imho, and the context and intent matter tremendously. I'm a little moved by some of the arguments here on this point, but I still think we're talking about a fairly fine distinction if she's otherwise a respectful employer. Ideally, she should do better.
I agree that it is a parent's job to care for the needs of the children and raise good adults and they shouldn't have kids if they're not willing to do so, but I don't particularly care if that is accomplished via tons of work by the biological parents, a hired supporting cast of thousands, a kindly retired grandmother, or a trained koala.
02/12/09