New York, 10:37 AM
Fri Dec 4
68 posts in the last 24 hours
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| posts about #childlesswomen more → |
Daily Mail Finds Rare Childless Woman Who Is Not Miserable |
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Jezebel 
10/08/09
I did not, and would never, say “not having kids is the best thing I’ve ever done.” Also the weekend she wrote about where my friend Marie (mother of three children) called me selfish, followed by golf and an Italian meal, never happened. In fact I do not have a friend named Marie. I don't think my life is better than those of parents. It's just my life, formed by choices I have made. I do appreciate the article and comments here but I did want you to know that these are informed by an article I didn't write using quotes which are not mine.
10/02/09
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10/02/09
I don't respect when each side of the fence says their lifestyle is the ideal and the other is missing out.
From my side of the fence (one child, another on the way), I love the fact that being a mother has made me enjoy the simpler things in life. I no longer want to go out in high heels drinking all night (I did enough of that in my twenties). I don't need to go traveling at the drop of a hat, although having children and being pregnant never stopped us enjoying a month in Italy this summer. I used to love drinking, dining and dancing, and now I can honestly say that some of my most satisfied and happy times are when the family is all in the car going somewhere, singing a cheesy song together. That is enough, that's all I need, and having a child has taught me this. Of course this isn't going to make everyone happy, everybody is different and to act smugly in either direction is just offensive.
Saying that, my career is shot to sh*t, I have chronic indigestion and can't stop thinking about muffins. Who am I to act smug?
I just don't want people who choose not to have children to think that everyone is opposed to their decision. It doesn't mean that we too wish we hadn't had kids, it just means that we have enough brain wattage to understand that there isn't a one-size-fits-all lifestyle.
10/02/09
That said, I liked your comment.
10/02/09
That said, I have a lot of respect for mothers. My own mother somehow managed to have a successful career and devote most of her time to raising five children. She's an amazing person and I adore her. She was, in fact, the one who made me realize that women aren't required to get married and reproduce. My whole family is fine with my decision. I've promised my sister, who plans on having kids one day, that I'll always be available for babysitting.
10/01/09
P.S. I am childless by choice, but have a couple of friends who are childless by no choice of their own (mostly infertility issues). It helps them a lot to see other people who don't have children by choice!
10/01/09
10/01/09
Let the flaming begin...
10/01/09
I don't follow your logic here: women who don't want children either don't like or don't repect their own mothers? And I don't want to hear, "If she chose what you did, you wouldn't exist." That's a baffling argument that I'm tired of hearing.
10/01/09
Why should only women who are childless see their mothers and thank them??
10/01/09
10/01/09
10/01/09
What I hope to inspire with my comment is that the choice that mothers make to have children is profound, and should be honoured, as much as it seems the choice not to is being celebrated today as some superior (and achieves such a higher quality of life as a result) way of life.
The comment was tongue-in-cheek, but as usual people get so defensive on comment boards, so I took a chance here.
Of note, I know many many accomplished women (I consider myself one of them) that have children. We are all stressed and harried, but we would not give up the joy and boundless memories that we enjoy with our families for anything. Freedom and money... that is all I seem to hear are the rewards that families with children lack. I find that a presumption that is simply without merit.
10/01/09
I want to live on whatever planet you're living on, where choosing not to have kids is honored and celebrated more than choosing to have them.
10/01/09
10/01/09
Raising kids, yeah, that can be "hard", but I'm not going to think someone is special just because they do something "hard". Plenty of people have challenging jobs and don't ask for honor or call their job super "profound" /rant
10/01/09
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10/02/09
Do you really think I'm childless because I'm worried the choice to be a mother would cut into my designer shoe budget? I wish. I don't have healthcare, lady. Boundless memories of paying the rent will have to do for now. @Opinionated one:
10/02/09
10/02/09
10/02/09
And for the record, I DO have a family. My husband and I ARE a family. And we have "joy and boundless memories."
10/02/09
Thank you for this. I'm child-free and you know what? I have joy and boundless memories with my partner, my parents and sibs, my nephews, my grandma, and my friends. Most of them I consider to be my family, because they are.
And to the OP who wrote, "Freedom and money... that is all I seem to hear are the rewards that families with children lack. I find that a presumption that is simply without merit."
I don't understand what you're getting at. This sentence doesn't make any sense. Is it a presumption to say that people without kids have more time to spend that is child-free? That they don't have to spend money on kids? How is that a meritless presumption?
What I think you're not getting is that people aren't saying that child free people have more time and money than those with kids, but that they spend their time and money differently. I'm not talking about frivolous stuff, either. I'm talking about working 80 hours because the people with children need to go home after 40 to take care of their kids. I'm talking about how I have to pay the exact same amount for my family healthcare coverage for two people as someone else pays for 6 people when 4 of them are kids. Yes, the exact same. I'm talking about being the one to look after parents and grandparents because the one without kids "has the time" to do that. And I'm talking about volunteering, mentoring, and giving ridiculously lavish gifts to the kids I know because I do have the ability to do so at this stage in my life.
Having or not having kids is a personal choice and neither option is inherently better than the other.
10/01/09
I think part of this stems from becoming a live in nanny when I was 18 and not only having a three year old and household to take care of, but to go through the mom's entire 2nd pregnancy with her. I worked 24 hours a day, sometimes 7 days a week. There is nothing about child rearing that I only know about in theory. I did my fair share of round-the-clock parenting at a young age, and I just don't want it. I like spending time with the kiddos, then sending them home.
Also, watching my sister-in-law birth two babies was the most horrifying and traumatizing thing I have ever witnessed. Do. Not. Want. The doctor was upset with me for not "recognizing the miracle you are witnessing", to which I replied "I am looking at a pile of someone else's blood and shit. That is not a miracle, it is fucking disgusting."
10/01/09
10/01/09
10/02/09
10/02/09
It is also what would make me a terrible mother - I love the fun part, but I cannot for the life of me bring myself to do the hard parts. I can't be the bad guy, I can't say no, I can't bear to see their little faces crumple in disappointment or have them be mad at me for not letting them do something. Parents have to do all of those things, and I just don't have it in me.
10/01/09
10/01/09
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10/01/09
50. Single. Giddy.
10/01/09
I'm talking about irresponsible people who selfishly engage in unprotected sex and then either give up their kid for adoption or wind up resenting the child and being a horrible parent to it.
Or those selfish people who have all the money and time in the world and treat their children as expensive accessories to bring out only at special occasions but the rest of the time dump their kids on nannies, maids, babysitters, assistants, etc.
Or those selfish people who have horrible relationships/marriages and use having a child as a band aid to fix something that is their responsibility to fix since they broke it in the first place and then here's this innocent child stuck in an incredibly negative and occasionally violent environment.
Why aren't their choices considered selfish?
10/01/09
My fiance and I fortunately feel the same way on this. We're both kind of oddly fascinated by pregnancy - the fact that my body is capable of generating another human being with surprisingly little help - but have no interest in what results from the birth. I think the world is better off with our remaining childless!
10/01/09
my sentiments exactly. i mean, why do people think that anybody who comes to the decision to remain childless does so without conviction? why would you think such a person should go against what they know, and have kids anyway?
10/01/09
- "There's never a perfect time to have a baby."
- "If your mother thought like you, you wouldn't have been born!"
- "Humans were meant to procreate."
- "You don't know true happiness until you have children."
And of course, "It's different when they're your own!"
It's as if their choice isn't valid unless everybody else makes the same choice.
10/01/09
10/08/09