<![CDATA[Jezebel: child rearing]]> http://tags.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/jezebel.com.png <![CDATA[Jezebel: child rearing]]> http://jezebel.com/tag/childrearing http://jezebel.com/tag/childrearing <![CDATA[Project Runway's Laura Bennett Doesn't Appreciate The Judge-iness]]> Remember when former Jezebel Jennifer Gerson called out Laura Bennett for referring to her nannies as "girls"? Well, Bennett does, and, for some reason, over a year later, she's responded over at the Daily Beast.

To Jezebel commenter SuperSally, who said to Ms. Bennett:

I may be in the minority, but I'm with Magpiegirl. If you can't take care of your kids without almost round the clock help from multiple individuals then WTF? Either a)you had too many damn kids and didn't bother to think about it as you were popping them out or you are b)incompetent or c)both. And it has nothing to do with the work.stay-at-home war. Lots of moms work and still manage to take care of their kids without a fleet at their beck and call. If Laura couldn't do it, Laura should've thought of that before having them just to have them.

Seriously, we would not even be debating this if it were cats instead of kids. Crazy cat ladies get no pass, why should crazy baby ladies?

Laura now replies:

Experiencing the pain of childbirth does not make me love my children any more, that's why God invented epidurals. Similarly, changing every diaper, cooking every meal, and doing every pickup and dropoff does not make me love them more either. Choosing not to do so hardly makes me incompetent.

And to commenter PureBlarney, who had this to say:

I cry inside every time I wait for the subway next to a child and his/her nanny. I will be raising my kids, thankyouverymuch, even if I have to pull teeth to keep any semblance of a career in tow.

Ms. Bennett's response is:

Awww. You've got to love an idealist willing to perform dental procedures to be with her kids. But would she rather see a totally stressed-out mom pushed to brink of frustration? A dicey thing while standing on the edge of a subway platform.

Yeah, I believe she just said that raising 6 kids without any help in Manhattan makes her homicidal. You have to admire her honesty, because frankly it would do the same to me. Thing is: I don't have 6 kids. I don't even have one. And I thank the FSM, my gynecologist, my IUD, condoms, birth control pills, the potential infertility of anyone I ever slept with, the morning-after pill, Vaginal Contraceptive Film, spermicidal foam and withdrawal (yeah I was young and stupid) for that little fact.

Anyway, Laura Bennett's mom-snark aside, she does have a bit of a point. She and her husband have the wherewithal to provide for their six kids — one of whom is learning-disabled and one of whom is in college — and to give them nannies, orthodontists, music lessons, sports lessons and speech and language therapy.

The problem is, mostly, that she calls the caretakers "girls" and blames that on her Southern upbringing — Laura, honey, honest, you can learn new tricks — and that she doesn't really recognize that most of the things she identifies as "needs" for her children are really unnecessary desires that's she's able to fill because of her privilege.

I could pretend to be some sort of self-aggrandized über-mom who does it all, but the truth is I couldn't possibly get all my kids to places they need to be, well-fed, relatively clean, with homework completed all by myself without going completely postal.

I mean, many families scrape by to afford school clothes, let alone orthodontists, music lessons, speech therapy (even when it's needed), tutors, after-school sports and the like. Her kids don't need to be on opposite sides of Manhattan in the afternoons, nor do they need a manny to supervise their weekend sledding and movie-going. But they have those things because Ms. Bennett can afford to give them those things. And that she doesn't seem to recognize that distinction — that her (probably expensive) nannies are just "girls" and their music lessons are "needs" — is probably a big part of why the commenters (and Jennifer) got a little up in arms.

So, yeah, people say mean things on the Internet and judge the choices that others make — choices, by the way, that Laura Bennett brought up in the first place. I guess a person has to either learn a little humility or cry in her frozen hot chocolate, whatever the fuck that is.

God Bless My Nannies [The Daily Beast]

Earlier: The Greatest Show On Earth

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<![CDATA[Telling A Child She's Beautiful Could Be Sending The Wrong Message]]> In today's Times of London, fashion editor Lisa Armstrong dissects what she deems our egregiously-lookist society. "Increasingly, looks are used to define women who never set out to compete by those rules," Armstrong points out. "The entire female flank of the French Cabinet has recently had their wardrobes pored over as if they were auditioning to fill in for Cate Blanchett on the red carpet while she takes a spot of maternity leave." Armstrong also quotes Fay Weldon, writer and insane-o, who, for once, makes a good point. "Nowadays, all little girls are told that they're beautiful by their mothers, even when they're not," Weldon says. "We're terribly conflicted. We don't want appearance to be important, but almost everything we do reinforces that they are."

At first I thought Weldon was just being an asshole, because all children are beautiful to their parents, but then it got me thinking — how often do you hear a mother tell her son that he's handsome? Very rarely. Strangers hardly ever come up to a male child and comment on his looks, while a female child, nearly from the day of her birth, will have all manner of people chattering about her appearance (true story: a total stranger once came up to my aunt and told her my 3-year-old cousin was "unfortunate looking."). [True story: At a wedding last year, during a post-ceremony toast, the father of the bride went on and on about how lucky his son-in-law was because his daughter is "so beautiful". -Ed.]

Are parents just making their daughters narcissistic by telling her she's attractive? Are they setting her up for disappointment if she's not that attractive in reality? Or are they buffeting her against possible future low self-esteem?

Looks Aren't Everything? Don't Kid Yourself [Times of London]

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