You know what? If I found myself in a subway car with a lunatic like the one described in the NYC incident, I would hope like hell that it was being operated by someone as on her game as Adeline Bayne-Goody. This "gross misconduct" charge sounds like bullshit.
I almost went to see Palin "for shts and giggles" yesterday, but the images on the TV news of many people camped out at the Costco discouraged me. Strike that, they depressed the hell out of me.
@whats_in_a_name: There's nothing more American than getting people to pay an outrageous price for something they don't really even need. Brava, Ms. Palin. Not everyone is as dedicated to capitalism as you.
@bananaballs: I just came back to write this exact same thing. That was horrific. It's really disheartening to get a glimpse of what some people really think about rape and what constitutes consent.
@BuffySummers: I like this one: Text messaging isn't the easiest thing in the world to do.
Telephone keyboard only have a dozen or so keys, and since there's 26 possible letters plus punctuation marks, one usualy has to strike a key several times in order to produce a single letter.
It takes a minute ot two to type and send a short message.
Yeah, you can get these new-fangled phones with a full keyboard now. It would take me less than a minute and a half to type out that message and some people could do it a lot faster.
@bananaballs: Okay, despite your wise advise, I looked anyway. Very uncool. But what baffled me was some comment about how hard it is to text and how it takes so much time. Texting is unbelievably easy, especially if you have a lot of practice and predictive text. I just tried entering that message on my phone with one hand, barely looking, and it took less than fifteen seconds. A more skilled texter could probably do it even faster. That woman was smart. She got help without pissing off her attacker and making him escalate. She has my respect.
I don't understand the rationale behind not having the father in the room (if it's a supportive relationship, obvs). I mean, it's their baby, right? This is not just a "woman thing". He should be as active and involved as possible.
I'm 8 months pregnant, and when I found out that labor doula would cost $800, I got my husband a book on being a supportive birth partner, and told him he's my doula. I think we'll be fine.
I was six when I saw my little sister get born. It was at my mom's doctor's house--she was an M.D. and a midwife who had a birthing center out in the country in her house. My dad woke me up: "Wake up, Valkyrie, your sister is being born." There was plenty blood and my mom's face was squinched up and red and she was yelling her head off, but my dad wasn't scared so neither was I. My sister started making little noises even before her head was all the way out. We tease her about this because she has always been very talkative.
Seems like this doctor is saying that we should make rules based on the idea that men are less mature than six-year-old children.
I personally would want whoever put the baby into me to be present. However, he would have to stand with his back to the action, looking only at my face, so as not to see the carnage and become scared of my vagina.
My favorite part of this guy's ridiculous article is the story about the guy who fled to his hometown of Rome after seeing his wife give birth. As if the husband would have stuck around had he not seen his wife give birth. Yeah right. That deadbeat was just looking for an excuse to leave. I don't know who comes off as the bigger jackass: the husband that was so scarred from watching his wife give birth that he left her and the child or the doctor who wrote this article who actually has convinced himself that that was the reason the husband left.
@queen_caribbean: Good Lord. When my boyfriend's brother was born, his dad had to grab one of his wife's legs, so he saw everything. And did he run off because he was so scarred by that experience? No, they are still married.
@teenfeminist: My husband did the same, even though our original plan was the "stay by my head" thing. It was pretty cool because he was SO excited to see the baby come out. "I can see his hair! He has a lot!" Then when I actually pushed him out, my mom and sister could hear him yell "Whoa-whoa-WHOA!!" from the hallway. It was great.
I'm unconvinced by absolutes. I guess if the father is a high strung individual who couldn't stand things being not about him and you being in pain, I can see him adding stress to the environment. But, that's true of anyone. The best birth partners help you feel comfortable, stay calm, and are able to be quiet when you hit the point in labor when you just don't want noise or what have you. Basically, they do whatever they can to help you through the birth.
I don't see a reason a father can't provide that. My husband certainly can, and I'm going to want a face I know when I'm at the hospital, scared, in pain, and at the whim of whoever is attending that day.
Some of his reasoning is patently offensive as well. Men can't handle the emotional parts of birth? They can't handle seeing their wives in pain that's natural and normal (and in the case of a woman that wants a natural birth, something she wants to go through)?
Surely that's the result of underlying patriarchal norms that are better being gotten rid of, is it not? Plus, if a man can't handle a birth, who is to say that he can handle a baby even if he's not in the delivery room?
Men should be there if they want to, they should be there if their partners want them to, and they shouldn't be there if they or their partners don't want them to be. Why does anyone insist on making it more complicated than that?
@I believe in peace, bitch: Because these people think they're trying to help by making a blanket rule that doesn't apply to everyone.
I don't get it either. Should be up to individual parties and if there is a woman who doesn't want her male partner in there with her but feels pressured, then there is likely bigger issues at play that need to be dealt with.
I've been an obstetrical nurse since I graduated two years ago and IMO you can't make a hard and fast rule about men in the delivery room. I've seen some men really get in there and be excellent coaches to their partners, and I've seen some men that really made the whole experience awful. I think things should be judged on a case-by-case basis, if anything. I don't like the thought of some studies telling me where my personal comfort level is and how best I can be supported. Personal choice, all the way.
And as far as the "Oxytocin is the love drug which helps the woman give birth and bond with her baby. But it is also a shy hormone and it does not come out when she is surrounded by people and technology" goes? I think it's bogus. As bogus as the "You're body produces oxytocin during sex, so don't have sex with too many boys otherwise you'll run out of oxytocin to help you bond to your true love." myth.
12/02/09
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12/02/09
How did I not know this? What the what?
12/02/09
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12/02/09
"Her pants were off, she must have wanted it!"
12/02/09
Text messaging isn't the easiest thing in the world to do.
Telephone keyboard only have a dozen or so keys, and since there's 26 possible letters plus punctuation marks, one usualy has to strike a key several times in order to produce a single letter.
It takes a minute ot two to type and send a short message.
Yeah, you can get these new-fangled phones with a full keyboard now. It would take me less than a minute and a half to type out that message and some people could do it a lot faster.
12/02/09
12/02/09
Two other particularly awful themes:
"So she was being raped and could text at the same time? Sure..."
"She must have had a part in this...
A huge F off to everyone in that comment section.
11/26/09
I'm 8 months pregnant, and when I found out that labor doula would cost $800, I got my husband a book on being a supportive birth partner, and told him he's my doula. I think we'll be fine.
11/26/09
Seems like this doctor is saying that we should make rules based on the idea that men are less mature than six-year-old children.
11/25/09
11/25/09
11/25/09
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11/25/09
I don't see a reason a father can't provide that. My husband certainly can, and I'm going to want a face I know when I'm at the hospital, scared, in pain, and at the whim of whoever is attending that day.
Some of his reasoning is patently offensive as well. Men can't handle the emotional parts of birth? They can't handle seeing their wives in pain that's natural and normal (and in the case of a woman that wants a natural birth, something she wants to go through)?
Surely that's the result of underlying patriarchal norms that are better being gotten rid of, is it not? Plus, if a man can't handle a birth, who is to say that he can handle a baby even if he's not in the delivery room?
11/25/09
11/25/09
I don't get it either. Should be up to individual parties and if there is a woman who doesn't want her male partner in there with her but feels pressured, then there is likely bigger issues at play that need to be dealt with.
11/25/09
And as far as the "Oxytocin is the love drug which helps the woman give birth and bond with her baby. But it is also a shy hormone and it does not come out when she is surrounded by people and technology" goes? I think it's bogus. As bogus as the "You're body produces oxytocin during sex, so don't have sex with too many boys otherwise you'll run out of oxytocin to help you bond to your true love." myth.