In his essay, "Artifice and Transformation: The Imaginary Lives of Little Girls," author Robert Greene presents a feminist analysis in defending the pageant industry, proposing that when we "respond in one of two ways" to young girls in pageants—moralizing or laughing—we might just be "imposing ourselves on them [and] responding out of certain preconceptions." Greene argues that by doing this, we are assuming that these young girls are merely the instruments of their mothers' desires, and have no desires or instrumentality of their own, because we're "not used to treating the inner lives of young girls with the proper seriousness—as a subject worthy of study and analysis."

Underneath it all is the unstated assumption that [girls] are essentially passive and weak…Boys can create their own worlds; their fantasies can be dark and violent, but we can accept the fact they correspond to some desire or need inside of them. Girls are empty vessels, screens of projection; they are not the agents or producers of their world, or so we think. We do not recognize that they could produce something strong, strange, and even freakish all on their own.

Greene goes on to explain the work of Lewis Carroll— author of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland—who also took portraits of little girls, as a way to understand them. The only way that Carroll could get them to sit still for his photographs was to give them elaborate costumes and engage them in his storytelling. By entering their world:

[H]e discovered two timeless elements in [little girls'] fantasy lives—artifice and transformation.
In the tight world of Victorian England, he found them masters at reversing conventions and creating nonsense—a literary genre Carroll would later explore, inspired by his encounters with these girls.

Greene believes that everything in our world is "fake," as our own conventions are merely creations. Our "relaxed looks in clothing are as artificial as the world of Marie Antoinette, only less spectacular and creative." He sees the portraits in High Glitz as a kind of "reverse commentary" on our "drabness and inauthentic relationship to the artificial."

While Greene's argument is compelling, the fact remains that many of these girls are entered into pageants by their mothers when they're only a few months old, and thus, personal agency is not even up for debate. However, having been a little girl who was drawn to make-up and make-believe at a very young age—and knowing, even then, that it had nothing to do with appealing to male fantasies, but rather, indulging in my own—I can say, personally, that much of what Greene says here rings true.

Perhaps gender is a construct, and liking the color pink, being partial to dresses, and having a predilection for mermaids and unicorns are learned behaviors. But then how does that explain say, transgender children, or little boys who—at ages as young as 18 months—have those same interests, despite the fact that they've been taught not to? It doesn't. But what does seem clear is that both girlie girls and trans kids alike are often told by society as a whole that their common attraction to frilly femininity is frivolous, and thus, invalid. And maybe that's a bigger problem for feminism than pageantry.


However, the fact that this little girl is only 9-years-old and looks like a Hooters calendar girl is still unsettling.


In his foreword "In Defense of Child Beauty Pageants," author and Barneys' creative director Simon Doonan gives his take on the child pageant industry:

Call me narcissistic, but I cannot help contrasting the show-bizzy lives of these tarted-up tots with my own bleak, post-war, scabby-kneed British childhood…and then I become horribly jealous. If only somebody in our house were to have figured out that all I ever wanted was to parade about—like a Madame Alexander doll come to life—in front of a cheering crowd, bathed in adoration and soft pink light.

Doonan realizes that his views aren't popular, but he doesn't care.

The knee-jerk antipathy towards this all-American ritual is starting to bore me. The predictable tongue-lashing meted out to child beauty pageants is clearly coming from dreary, over-educated, middle-class people who have never been intoxicated by the spotlight.

And while he doesn't directly question the mental and social implications of the physical—and sexual—values instilled in these little girls at such a young age, he does bring up a good point with the likely trajectory of their futures:

Will these girls end up huffing glue on the street corner? Will they become the Amy Winehouses of the 2020s? I seriously doubt it. As with teen beauty queens, the most likely scenario for a former pageant babe entails, at the very least, marrying a local business man, and/or reading the weather on the local news channel, and/or slinging peanuts on a domestic airline. Nothing less, and possibly more: Always remember that Shirley Temple, the primordial glitter from which all child pageant contestants subsequently emerged, lived to become—drum roll—a U.S. Ambassador.

Much of the pageant world is confusing to outsiders. For example, why does a 2-year-old need acrylic nails? In the "High Glitz Style Guide," Anderson breaks down the elements of the pageant categories, explains the specifics and purpose of each part of the presentation and costumes, and describes the required model stances like "Pretty Feet."


This getup would be filed under Pro-Am (aka Sportswear or Western Wear). The "liquid beading" and fringe of these Bob Mackie-esque outfits are strategically placed, and a proper Pro-Am costume includes a "Rip Off" (the part of the garment that is removed during a routine and used as a prop for twirling), and "Oohs and Aahs" (facial expressions). Still, the Style Guide doesn't explain the purpose of a fabric Frisbee with a hole.

All images courtesy of High Glitz, by Susan Anderson, published by powerHouse Books.

Isn't it standard for 8-year-old children to "get bigger"? Isn't that called growing? When it was time for the swimsuit portion of Alyssa's pageant, she desperately wanted to do a "snorkel dance" because she thinks it's fun. But when her mother saw her do the snorkel dance on stage, she freaked out, saying, "That move is way too young for Alyssa, and that's something that you would never do wearing heels and swimsuit." Um, actually, Alyssa is way too young for heels and swimsuit. The snorkel dance is completely age appropriate.


At least Alyssa has art as an outlet to deal with her feelings about her mother.


But sometimes she does get physical.


Are you ready to have your heart broken? Alyssa thinks she's a "loser" for getting second runner-up.

The grand prize for this pageant is $1000, yet this mother invested over $7000 for her daughter to compete. WTF is up with her math?


I think "chewing on lead paint" actually did affect this woman.


WTF is up with purposely not giving a child medication?


How is this photo at all representative of a 7-year-old human?


WTF is she talking about?


Speaking of turds, that's all I can think about when looking at this screen grab and caption.

1.) Mantra Fail


2.) "Hot Mess" Fail


3.) Inner-Beauty Fail


4.) Spray Tan Fail


5.) Investment Fail


6.) Grammar Fail


7.) Sticking to Ethics Fail


8.) Normalcy Fail


9.) Logic Fail


10.) Confidence Fail

Julie (she of "pageant moms > welfare moms") began entering her daughter Cassidy in pageants when she was just two months old. Now Cassidy is seven, and she regularly acts out. Julie insists that her daughter has "undiagnosed" ADHD, for which Cassidy takes an "herbal supplement."


Cassidy repeatedly said that she doesn't like being on stage or smiling, and that she only does it because her mother makes her.


She's obviously harboring a lot of resentment that will surely boil over in about five or six years when she starts pubing.


One of Cassidy's competitors is a little girl whose mother named her Sparkal Queenz. "Sparkal has a lot of Las Vegas in her personality," according to Sparkal's mother, and "she likes to impersonate people."


When I think of Queenz impersonating people in Vegas, I think of this.


Sparkal's mom started a YouTube channel to showcase her daughter.


Here's a taste.


She didn't exactly knock it out of the park when she performed her talent.


Look how pissed off this guy was while watching her.


Michaela is eight and her dad is so Spinal Tap.


And her Ren Faire, sword-fighting, pirate performance troupe mother is so Bernadette Peters. Michaela ended up taking the big prize, and won the whole pageant.


Sparkal won Best Personality, but her mother wished they had a more fitting category.


This woman was the pageant director and she said, "We look for judges that understand that the children will wear makeup, that they might wear hair pieces or fake teeth. We ask them if that's going to interfere with you judging. They say no it won't interfere." I thought the whole point of wearing fake hair, teeth, nails and lashes so that the judges would like you better, not so that they would have to overlook it.


As for Cassidy, she ran out of her ADHD "herbal supplement."


She lost. And got angry.

1.) These pants.


2.) Bad logic exhibited by the people in charge. Like this pageant director, who said of the industry, "If Donald Trump believes in it, then it's gotta be good." Then how does that explain his hair?


3.) May lead to deceiving MySpace photos.


4.) Six-year-olds need makeup on to feel pretty.


5.) This woman is in charge of makeup.


6.) Five-year-olds are forced to grow up too fast.


7.) Participants become unrecognizable.


8.) Girls are expected to act sexy before they are even potty-trained.


9.) Lax grammar.


10.) Delusions of grandeur.

Because she looked really different in her "Outfit of Choice."


There was supposed to be a "moms" category, with over 20 contestants. But Dana Sprinkle (the one who maybe stuffed her 10-year-old's bra) was the only one who ended up competing. She won.


The best part for me, though was the backstage dramz that occurred when one of the pageant's coordinators was fired, and all of the judges were replaced because of rumors of "fixed" scores.





I love how the management change made everything so chaotic that they had to completely redo the baby category.


Good thing this lady was there.

Actually, this woman (unintentionally) makes everything sound dirty.

Her name is Kimberly, and she's the mother of 4-year-old Skylar. Kimberly takes pageants very seriously, which makes her nervous, jittery, and sort of crazed.

The Red Bull probably isn't helping.

Kimberly's husband is "not a pageant dad." From what he says about his misgivings, you can tell that he isn't really that concerned about the damaging effects pageants could have on his daughter as he was about the ones they could have on his wife, namely, obesity.

This is the same little girl who was on Good Day L.A. earlier this week desperately looking to her parents to help her answer yes-or-no questions. While her parents enjoy lavishing expensive (and needless) spa treatments on their 4-year-old, they need to brace themselves for the likelihood that her teen years could be very difficult.

Emily's dad said, "Beauty for me is 'inner.' We're not superficial. If Emily feels confident, she's confident. And it'll show." I was freaking out when I saw his shirt.

And then freaked out some more when I saw that he has a matching windbreaker.

Last night's episode focused on the kids competing in the California Gold Coast Pageant, the same one featured in Little Miss Sunshine. While technically, it's a glitz pageant, it's not as insane or inappropriate as others we've seen on these shows. The girls wear minimal makeup (comparatively), don't wear flippers (the fake teeth), and hair pieces are in the minority.

That said, this episode was the most boring I've seen so far. I missed the trash and flash. I missed when kids put a little more into their routines than just this:

Still, there were some notable things. Like the fact that a 3-day-old boy competed.

And then there was 7-year-old Alicia.

She has a pet baby chicken, whom she makes mimic her routines.

Even though you can tell that it totally bums the chicken out.

Also, Alicia has a job. She works at a petting zoo on the weekends, where she feeds animals and hangs out with chickens.

Then there was 4-year-old Rylan. She prefers her father to her mother. She thinks her mother is a fool and is not afraid to say it to her face.

This lady at the pageant was by far my favorite.

And her brooch kicks Emily's dad's shirt and jacket's ass.

I don't know who this little girl was, but if you ask me, this behavior is not glitz—it's grotz. Was she raised at Alicia's petting zoo?

Both Emily and Alicia took the top prizes in their respective age groups, but these kids all know that winning isn't the most important thing. Right?

Seriously, these pageant people are always going on about the importance of personality, which they feel their children will gain from parading around onstage. Granted, Emily is only four, but if she has been in front of an audience since she was three months old, and she can't answer simple yes or no questions without guidance, then the glare of the spotlight is probably not something she's interested in.

I thought I was becoming desensitized to all the "needlessness" involved in the child pageant world. Until I saw this:

Which I actually found less offensive than this:

What does Victoria want to be when she grows up?

You might think it sounds like a lot, but if Barbie can do it, so can Victoria.

What was Victoria's talent for the pageant?

How did Victoria think it went?

What did the judges write?



"On the floor too much and stuff. Broke wind."

This is 7-year-old Elexis. She has pet hermit crabs that she talks to.

This sentiment has such a different meaning when said by an Atlantic City hooker.

Elexis' mom had beef with Margie, the makeup artist.

She said, "I think it might just be her personality, but she doesn't make me feel real warm and fuzzy. I feel very intimidated around her." I don't blame her. This is Margie.

Also intimidating: Debbie, the self-professed "tough judge."

You know, after watching so many of these child pageant things on TV, I always thought that the parents seemed most insane when they got up and coached their children from the audience.

But it turns out, it's just as disturbing when they do it in their heads.

And then there's Maude Morgan.

She's like Phyllis Diller.

In a Carol Channing wig.

She's down.

She even has a grill.

She knows what she's talking about.

And nobody could ever question her commitment to Sparkle Motion.

She has the support of her mom.

(While supplies last.)

Her father, however, actually thinks that this outfit is too revealing for a 7-year-old. He's so silly!

Speaking of men in pageants, here's a summary of a debate following last week's recap of T&T.

Survey says:

Dwayne's daughter is 6-year-old Jayla. I pity the fool who had to subtitle her interviews. I would think that by the age of 6, one should not only be well on his/her way to reading, but also should have mastered speaking simple sentences.

Jayla's mom isn't as involved in the pageant process, but she's supportive of her husband's enthusiasm for it. I was wondering how she was at all convinced that Dwayne was genuinely into vaginal intercourse, but then I realized that the kind of people who are convinced that purchasing a $2,400 dress for a kindergartener is an investment in her future are the kind of people who willingly believe in preposterous notions.

The clincher for me was Dwayne's speech. He doesn't exactly have a lisp, but he pronounces his S's ("ssssswish your armsssss) in a way that suggests that his only interest in females is to live through their femininity vicariously, in the campiest way possible.

Dwayne was psyched about the Senators Room at the hotel in which the pageant was held.

I was curious as to whether any actual senators have ever utilized the designated space in the rural West Virginia town. But maybe Larry Craig has?

Dwayne mentioned that there were a lot more pageant dads at this particular event than he'd ever seen before. This guy was one of them. (He's European.)

Another contestant featured was 6-year-old Riley. She was my favorite for several reasons.
1.) She is a total spazz.

2.) She is on a wrestling team.

3.) She is a tomboy who is oblivious to proper makeup application.

4.) Her hair naturally grows into a style that indicates that she will one day love nothing more than rocking out to tribute bands.

5.) Her favorite toy is "balloons."

6.) She combs rodents with toothbrushes.

7.) And last, but certainly not least, she can "speak animal."

In fact, she's obsessed with animals, and often believes that she is one.

This lady was a judge of the pageant.

She had some words of wisdom when she said, "You know, everyone thinks that beauty pageants are all about the beauty and it's not. You have to have the clothes, the hair and makeup, the photos, the personality, the total package." Ooh, I guess she schooled us. So you have to be artificially beautiful and have personality? I guess the personality part is really important, right?

"For Riley to win, she needs new attire, different hair and makeup…but I mean, she has the personality." Ooooh-Kay.

The third girl featured was 7-year-old Hannah. She is glitz personified.

Mostly, I found her boring, except for the fact that she drinks cup after cup of coffee through a straw.

She won the Grand National Supreme Wizard title in the end, probably because she had a kickass outfit for the "Red Carpet Wear" portion of the competition. The category was described as, "What would you wear on the red carpet to your own movie premiere?" I loved her vision.

She was supposed to be Austin Powers, but I thought she looked more like a Prince protégé. I think the Purple One would have christened her:

This little girl competed in the pageant, but was not really featured in the show. However, I thought she was worth mentioning because her name is Pepper McCormick.

Her parents have some balls, giving her such a spicy name.

But back to the question at hand: Is there such a thing as a heterosexual pageant dad?

Just the idea of it is enough to give you a seizure and make your eyes cross.

1.) Toddlers & Tiaras Is Back!

You know, the show that puts daughter-less mothers—who refuse to accept reality—on reality TV.

2.) Twinemies
The premiere episode of the second season featured twins AshLynn and BreAnne, who are forced to compete against each other. The mom so obviously likes BreAnne better. It's totally Jacob Have I Loved. Usually BreAnne wins the crowns, but at this pageant, she threw a temper tantrum and her father wouldn't let her compete for the rest of the day, so AshLynn ended up winning. BreAnne won't accept this. One day, a therapist will get an earful from one or both of them.

3.) Hand Puppets
This little girl is so Anna Nicole. Not because she's from Texas.

And not because she's cranky and flashy.

And not because she doesn't always make sense.

And not because her good behavior at photo shoots is rewarded with trips to McDonalds. No, she mostly reminds me of Anna Nicole because she has a face full of makeup and acts like a four year old. Also, her two best friends are her mother's hands, which she believes to be people, and that's something I can see Anna Nicole subscribing to.

4.) The Insider So Totally Doesn't Get "Ethics"



But at least they're curious.

5.) World's Strongest Toddler: That Don't Impress Ah Me Much



TLC did a whole special on this kid and the best evidence of his "title" was him lifting his mom's wuss weights over his head. Big whoop. Wake me up when he can French braid his own hair.

6.) Teens, Need A Summer Job?
Teenagers 16 and up are allowed to strip in Rhode Island (as long as they're home before midnight).

7.) Joe Jackson: "I started Leonard's career in music promotion."
Leonard:

8.) This Isn't An SNL Skit

9.) Crazy Old German Lady Beats Up Librarian, Gets Away With It
This is from some kind of Cops format show. I could barely edit it down because it's too awesome, beginning to end. While I love the German lady's outbursts, I'm also into how upset the one librarian gets when it's implied that she couldn't find the U.N Charter. ("I didn't even get the chance to look!")

10.) That's So Lindsay

The Darling Diva Pageant in Brooklyn actually lived up to what I envisioned "pageants" to be before I learned that they're mostly held in hotel conference rooms with little to no decorations. This pageant not only had stadium seating and a large stage, but an extensive lighting design that would rival any top-tier high school theatrical performance.

The girl in the clip above is six-year-old Kiannah. This is her first pageant, and, as you can see, she's thrilled.

Her mother entered her into the pageant, but her scary godmother Sarah — whom I can only assume has no little girls of her own — was running the show.

How much did you love the lady's reaction at the dress store when Sarah insulted her goddaughter?

I don't know why, but I felt compelled to do this.

Anyway, I thought it was a great twist that Sarah was living vicariously through a pageant mom. Who would've thought that was an enviable role?

Certainly not this woman.

She's the mother of four-year-old Paige.

Despite the fact that they enter at least one pageant a month, and she coaches her daughter and entices her to do her routines with the use of (wrapped!) presents, Paige's mom insists she's not a "pageant mom." She said, "If anyone called me a pageant mom, I would ignore them."

Except that this is her bumper sticker on her car.

She should get another one that says, "If you can read this, then I will ignore you."

The other girl profiled in the show was six-year-old Essence.

Her name is the only thing really noteworthy about her. Oh, wait. Her talent portion was particularly awesome:

There was a Mardi Gras-themed portion of the pageant, in which the girls wore elaborate costumes, of their own (mothers') creation.

And one 6-year-old wore clear heels. In just 12 more years, the time spent in these shoes could count as "work experience" on a different kind of stage.

Paige dressed up as Carmen Miranda, and I actually have to commend her mother for putting her in a nude suit shirt instead of just having her four-year-old in a bikini.

This girl wasn't featured much, but her intuition that she's better than this, and her lack of even feigning interest really made her shine, in my eyes. Also, where does a baby get off having that kind of definition in her arms?

It was kinda hard to tell who won what, because everyone got at least one trophy and and one crown if not more, as there seemed to be more categories than contestants.

And now I'll leave you with some Essence.

The bill calls for an allotment of funds to form a committee called the North Carolina Agency to Regulate Beauty Pageants for Girls Under Thirteen — comprised of five members of the House and five members of the Senate — to study the psychological effects of beauty pageants on children under 13, developing an agency to regulate them, and what criteria to impose (e.g. minimum age requirements, parental participation, and gluing false lashes to a two-year-old).

I can't help but think that Mobley got the idea from the bill — which has yet to be passed — by watching reality shows like Little Miss Perfect and Toddlers & Tiaras. While some of the behavior that goes on within pageants is questionable, and it's imperative to look out of the psychological welfare of young children, considering the economic climate, it seems misguided to spend government money on regulating the actions stage mothers, who will most likely not let any kind of legislation stand in the way of achieving their vicarious dreams.

The Little Miss Sunshine Bill? [News & Observer]

The result is that she's kind of forcing her 2-year-old Maverick and 3-year-old Hayden into gender roles they may not be naturally attracted to. This is most likely harmless, but it would certainly seem to be affecting their development, in the way of a lack of wrist rigidity.

The pageant featured on last night's episode was the Texas Walk of Fame. It's a glitz pageant, which its director said is "more competitive. The judges are more qualified. They must know what they're looking for."

However, this lady was a judge, and she seemed totally unqualified and no idea what the fuck was going on.

She said, "This is my first glitz pageant. I'm looking for children that look natural. That look like a child, not like a miniature adult."

Yeah, good luck with that, lady. Particularly when some kids have stepped it up so much, that they pretend to be pregnant on stage. What's cuter than a baby? A baby havin' a baby!

Another contestant in the Texas Walk of Fame pageant was 5-year-old Faith.

I just want to call her Face, because I love the ones she makes.

She totally knows it, too.

She's a little bit salty.

And she states her mind.

She doesn't look as much like a beauty queen as she does someone from Queens. She looks like those middle-aged women who converse with their neighbors by standing on their front stoops and yelling across the street. All she needs is a Virginia Slim in her mouth.

But she's not about the glitz or the glory. She's in it for the cash.

Face's mother is your typical stage mom. She's very competitive about other mothers/children, and she has a website for her daughter to promote her "modeling" career. Here's a sample shot from that site.

Maybe she can get some horror movie work. Face's mom said that the site has gained a lot of popularity, and she has added a section where people can leave comments. Unfortunately (for me), the comments are only sent to Face's mom and can't be viewed, publicly. However, that doesn't stop anonymous commenters from being negative.

Face's mom doesn't care, though. Or so she says.

Face's (and her mom's) competition was 4-year-old Taralyn.

She sucks at lying.

Her mother goes all out for her, but her results are less than the "110%" she aims for. Case in point, the fake tan she got for Taralyn, that made her look like she had vitiligo.

And the fake teeth ("flippers") she got her that somehow made her look like she can't read.

Oh, wait, she's four. She actually can't read. It's hard to remember that these kids aren't adults, they just play ones on the weekends in Ramada conference rooms.

But despite her beauty malfunctions and this little fuck up...

...Taralyn won the top title!






The shape of her crown suggests that one could easily drape a sheet over her and cut out some eye holes.



Grand Supreme Wizard, Little Miss division.

When I was looking for pictures of KKK robes, I found this:

It would seem that putting children in ridiculous costumes and making them do shit they don't want to do is somewhat of a tradition for some Southerners.

I guess these people need the internet drama to fill up their time, when they don't have a head of fake hair to be rolled or a pair of false eyelashes to glue onto a toddler.


Bonus clip!
This woman is discussing how amazing her daughter's "Wow Wear" routine will be, and how nothing could top it, even if the ghost of Anna Nicole Smith "came in with a marching band." Uh, if I saw the ghost of Anna Nicole Smith with a marching band, I highly doubt that anything, much less a child beauty pageant routine, would compare to the experience.

The name of this show should really be this:

The little girl in the screen grab who's saying what we're all thinking is Roni. She's "almost" 3 years old.

But really, when it comes down to it, whether she's almost 3 or still 2, her permanent French tips are absolutely, ridiculously age inappropriate.

She's competing in the Stars of Pennsylvania pageant, which was repeatedly described as "high glitz." I'm glad it was though, because you never would have known it, by looking at the stage.

Seriously, it makes the Chitlin Strut pageant look like Miss Universe. If they're going to go through all the trouble of whoring up humans who haven't yet learned to control their bowels, why did the stage look only slightly better than a dirty diaper?

Anyway, this is Roni's mom Stephanie.

She's a single parent, and she can't really afford pageants, so her mother offered her some financial support.

She told Stephanie that she would either pay for pageants, or pay Stephanie's rent. Stephanie chose for her to pay for pageants, and then moved in with her mom anyway.

Stephanie's mom said, "We're very proud of Stephanie. At one point she lived outside the home." And that automatically conjures up an image of a rabid Stephanie, changed to a pole in the yard. She's finally housebroken! For providing this daymare, Stephanie's mom lives up to the claim on her T-shirt, as she indeed, rocks.

Roni is so Christina Crawford.

And a little bit Christina Aguilera, too.

This might contribute to her feisty spirit that causes spontaneous breast slapping.

OK, Lunchtime Poll: Which of these is the most terrifying?
A.) Disembodied head

B.) Baby doll with no eyeballs

C.) Butt glue

D.) Possessed child

When I saw this 13-year-old pageant boy's hobbies slowly appear in the subtitles I could help but finish it up, Edie Beale style.

Roni ended up taking home the top title of Grand Supreme.

Which can probably be attributed to this advice Stephanie gave to her two-year-old.

Debbie and Emily Tye , from last night's episode, were one of the families featured on the short-lived, much-loved (by me, anyway) Showbiz Moms & Dads on Bravo about five years ago. Debbie was known for being combative with other pageant moms and giving pixie sticks to her four-year-old daughter to keep her energy up at pageants. Yeah, she was kinda horrible.

Also, do you recognize this little girl?

She's Destiny (sister of Daylee), who was featured on the other child beauty pageant show Toddlers & Tiaras earlier this week.

And look! It's Karmen, the girl who is "smiling on the inside."

The crossover on these shows freaking me out and delighting me all at the same time.