[Madrid, July 29. Image via INFDaily]

She's got a boring hedge fund job, she worked at McKinsey before that, she keeps herself discreet and reserved, she represses all outward signs of personality, she speaks in a very soft voice. Her hair is always well-highlighted and groomed. The best CD she owns is probably by Radiohead. We all know the type. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just not what we're looking for right now.

Too Solemn For Her Generation?
Hillary and Chlesea Clinton: The Teenage Years [Reuters]

MOE: Thomas Frank: What exactly is he doing on the WSJ op-ed page? Does Rupert Murdoch have a soft spot for his eviscerations of late capitalism or is he friends with Peggy Noonan? Anyway, I want to have his babies etc. A long time ago I was dating a dude who not only remembered Valentine's Day, he bought me Commodify Your Dissent as a present. He is now married. (Let it be a lesson!) Anyway as presents go it was nice to see Thomas Frank in the papers and Bob Novak glowering in the corner.
MEGAN: Really, really working, If I'm ignoring you, it's because you're not talking about work and thus I am ignoring you.
MOE: Why is Novak always number one on the "Most Viewed List"?
MEGAN: I think Bob Novak lacks the ability to do anything but glower.
MOE: No dude he rules the most emailed list!
MEGAN: I think he hires those Chinese services that will click over and over to drive up your page views. They're really cheap, apparently.
MOE: Hey can you explain to me what Jimmy Carter is doing with Hamas?
MOE: I mean, I guess he is trying to broker some sort of piece but I haven't been able to click any of the links, mostly because of laziness.
MEGAN: Trying to maintain a sense of political relevancy? Fucking with Bush? Helping McCain win the election? Umm, overestimating his own diplomatic prowess?
MOE: Rick Santorum is on Fox News incidentally.
MOE: Warning America that Barack Obama is not a uniter.
MEGAN: Charlie Wilson was on MSNBC.
MEGAN: Like, the real guy, not Tom Hanks. But Rick Santorum is smarmy.
MOE: WHOA holy shit.
MEGAN: Also, I guarantee he's got dentures. And I would not hit that.
MOE: I just scrolled down on the Thomas Frank thing.

He will begin a weekly column each Wednesday in the Journal on May 14.

MEGAN: Wait, so, like, he'll have a weekly column starting in a month? I don't understand newspapers really.
MEGAN: Also, it is apparently a Tom Petty morning on MSBNC.
MOE: Yeah I guess but Thomas Frank? In the Wall Street Journal? Fuck...
MEGAN: Well, it makes more since then Bill "The Joker" Kristol in the motherfucking New York Times/
MOE: Ooooh, quick quiz! How many times since he won the nomination has John McCain been photographed wearing a flag pin on his lapel?

MOE: No takers?
MEGAN: But he doesn't have to because he's a war hero! And he's not a Muslim! And his middle name isn't Hussein! And he's not a Democrat, which means he is, by his very political affiliation, a patriot (if not a nationalist). Being a Republican is like having the American flag tattooed on your soul which is singing along to Proud to Be An American while your heart beats a military tattoo.
MOE: And being Barack Obama is a kitchen sink full of Yellow Peril!

MEGAN: Ooh! Ooh! Did you see? One of her foreign policy advisors, Richard Baum (who I'm gonna guess your dad intellectually opposes) resigned from Clinton's campaign because of her China-bashing?
MOE: Do you understand the subtle subliminal message Obama was trying to summon when he used that esoteric kitchen sink metapor? Because I think all the elitism made it fly over my head
MOE: Yeah Dad? I dare you to economically oppose this:

"Our reasoning was that while China certainly bears a share of responsibility for these (and other) problems, much (if not most) of the blame, at least on the economic issues, lies elsewhere," Baum wrote in an e-mail. He attributed the problems, at least in part, to America's high level of consumption, deficit spending and selective trade protectionism.

On the question of human rights, Baum said he and others in the advisory group believe the Chinese leaders respond better to persistent advice than "self-righteous finger-pointing aimed at publicly shaming and humiliating them."

MOE: So wait, the Pope...the spin seems to be that he's made all those pedophiles the centerpiece of a PR coup! But is it "just words" so to speak?

Anne Barrett Doyle, a founder of BishopAccountability.org, an online archive of the scandal, said that by condemning only pedophiles and not those who kept them in ministry, "it was a signal to us he will take no action. He came here to achieve a public-relations triumph and he did it."

MEGAN: Actually, that's what totally struck me about everything he said about the pervs. Unless I missed it, and I'll admit that I sort of stopped paying that much attention at some point, I didn't hear him say anything about the pedo-enablers, which were as much a part of the problem as everything. The fact that the Catholics has pervs among their ranks? Forgivable, presumably. The fact that Church leaders decided to fight the slow decline of men entering the priesthood (with the exception of my grad school friend Marcos, which, congrats!) by keeping pervs in the priesthood and moving them around every time they get caught molesting yet another young kid is the problem that strikes at the heart of the Church's relationship with the faithful, IMHO.
MEGAN: It's just another example of the kind of hypocritical, bad-stuff-enabling blind, overly-hierarchical patriarchy that drove me from the Church in the first place.
MOE: Why am I seeing so few quotes from the pope himself? What does he sound like? What did he say actually? Am I the only one who did not know Frank Bruni is a foremost chronicler of the abuse scandal?

MEGAN: I did not know that about Frank Bruni. I mean, I didn't hear a ton of him talking (I skipped listening to the Mass, obviously) but he has a very, very soft voice. Kind of high-pitched. German-mixed-with-Italian accent. Not a great public speaking voice, but perhaps he's more forceful-sounding in German or Italian.
MEGAN: And on the abuse, he said something along the lines of "it was really bad" and then he prayed with the survivors that stayed Catholic and met with him!
MOE: Why is it news that Obama thinks McCain would be better than Bush? Isn't that sort of like saying McCain knows more about foreign policy than Spencer Pratt?

MEGAN: Because, apparently, you can't acknowledge that some people in the other party are better than others or something.
MOE: Ugh did you read anything in the Times magazine? I just remembered it was the green issue. I am pretty sure green issues would do better if they made them some more synthetic color like neon orange. But anyway, the nation's railways are apparently expanding for the first time in ever. No way, right?! But it turns out their fuel efficiency for freight is 3x better than that of an 18-wheeler.
MEGAN: That's what the CSX commercial tells me, anyway.
MOE: Oh my god and file this under CNN reporters you could actually totally see walking through Central Park in a crystal meth haze.
MEGAN: I am sooooo sad about Richard Quest. Meth is bad, people, bad! Its use is correlated in the LGBT community with a rise in the incidences of STIs including HIV.
MEGAN: Also, it's nasty on the teeth. Oh, Richard. Please don't! Who else will I get my breathless Royals coverage from?
MOE: Well aren't we just all PSA today. Yeah, an increase in dumb behavior results in an increase in things that you get from engaging in dumb behavior. And yeah, if your teeth weren't British before...speaking of I have a case of Adderall mouth I should attend to.

MOE: Tomorrow's the primary. I think I'm voting in it. There's supposedly all sorts of horrible negative ads. Have you seen any of them?
MEGAN: You should totally vote in it. Are you going to Philly for it? Did you know I'm there covering it for Glamocracy?
MOE: Peggy Noonan thinks Hillary is finished and her campaign is officially in the red. Peggy loved a speech she gave but thinks she needs four more years to overcome the whole pants thign.

She'll need more than four years to shake off the impression she made in 2008. And this is how you'll know she's making another bid for the presidency. She will wear skirts. Gone will be the pantsuits that made her look like a small blond man with breasts. It's the new me, I wear skirts! Her first impulse is to think cosmetically. A long and weary life in politics has left her thinking this is the way to think.

MEGAN: I try not to watch political ads because I kill enough brain cells with drinking.
MOE: The Bush twins are apparently going to be at the 92nd St. Y tomorrow night, so I might come back up.
MEGAN: She looks like a small blonde man with breasts? Peggy, please.
MOE: I dunno

MOE: I kind of love how carried away she gets:

The other is elitism, a charge that clearly grates on him and unnerves his wife, who has a great deal that would be attractive in a first lady (intelligence, accomplishment, beauty) but lacks placidity, which is, actually, necessary. All first ladies, first spouses, should be like Denis Thatcher, slightly dazed, mildly inscrutable, utterly supportive. It is the only job in the world where "seems slightly drugged" is a positive job qualification.

MEGAN: Well, if you came down tonight, we could Crap on Philly tomorrow morning and you could be back in time for the Bush twins.
MOE: Hahaha you want to come to my polling place?
MEGAN: Wow, so Nooner's a Laura Bush fan? I prefer my political wives be actual humans.
MEGAN: That would be hilarious! Where's your polling place? I could take pictures of Democracy In Action!
MOE: It's at 12th and Federal, a South Philadelphia social club with a name that translates to "Home of the Crazy" I think...um...and speaking of, is all they're talking about on the non-Fox News the Weather Underground?
MEGAN: Sixties radicals play big with the still-think-we-coulda-won-Vietnam Fox News viewership. Pat Buchanan is yelling on MSNBC.
MOE: About the weather?
MOE: Michael Moore just endorsed.

I haven't spoken publicly 'til now as to who I would vote for, primarily for two reasons: 1) Who cares?; and 2) I (and most people I know) don't give a rat's ass whose name is on the ballot in November, as long as there's a picture of JFK and FDR riding a donkey at the top of the ballot, and the word "Democratic" next to the candidate's name.
Seriously, I know so many people who don't care if the name under the Big "D" is Dancer, Prancer, Clinton or Blitzen. It can be Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Barry Obama or the Dalai Lama.

The thing is, by all reports and video I've seen, Chelsea's actually kicking ass and connecting on a personal level with voters in a way that her mother and many other more senior surrogates aren't. She's 28, she's smart as hell and she possesses the ability to speak off-the-cuff (and well) on a variety of wonky policy issues — and she very, very pretty, which doesn't hurt. What she doesn't have is the ability to see that she probably ought to stop shunning reporters, because if she does stop, they'll give her more flattering coverage. Just like they already do the McCain ladies.

Cindy McCain's Life Away From The Campaign [LA Times]
Campaign Trail Gets Bumpy For Chelsea Clinton [LA Times]
Top Clinton Hand Shields Chelsea [Politico]

MEGAN: MSNBC has reliably informed me that we're in a recession, just not a technical recession.

MOE: Yeah the economy just doesn't isn't in the mood. I think it's cool though.
MOE: I was kind of sad that like 5 people seemed to get that parallel, which was really funny to me in my head., but marin79 made it all better.

MEGAN: But I wanted to sell my place! Or at least refinance my mortgage or something. But, hahaha, I'm a freelancer now so the banks don't care.
MEGAN: I got it! It was awesome.
MEGAN: So, have you shot your economics wad for the week then? We could talk about Cindy McCain instead and how, at this point, pretty much all the potential first spouses are better liked than the actual candidates. She seems, um, really cool.

MOE: Wow, thanks, I had not read that. And I didn't blow my wad. I'll read that while you read this, on how Merrill reacted when, in 2005, AIG stopped insuring the mortgage-backed securities they'd repackaged as collateralized debt obligations: they dove headfirst into the business of "insuring" those things themselves! All the executives who thought it was a bad idea were canned or demoted.

To oversee the job of taking CDOs onto Merrill's own books, the firm tapped Ranodeb Roy, a senior trader but one without much experience in mortgage securities. CDO holdings on Merrill's books were soon piling up at a rate of $5 billion to $6 billion per quarter. This led to an inside joke at Merrill. Mr. Roy is known as Ronnie. Some employees took to saying that if they couldn't find a specialized bond insurer, known as a "monoline," to take Merrill's risk on the deal, they could resort to a "Ronoline."

MOE: Hey, wow, that's a pretty interesting profile of Cindy. I like that she regrets the dig at Michelle. I like that she doesn't talk about her son in Iraq only because she fears crying in public. But the thing I like most about her is this:

"It's not about being a cowboy," she said during a series of interviews over the course of her four-day trip to Kosovo. "It's just these types of things don't necessarily happen in Phoenix, Ariz., and you have to go where it is."

Shawn Erfman lives in a trailer park, listens to Rush Limbaugh and voted for George W. Bush — twice. Over the weekend, he heard all about what Barack Obama had to say about "bitter" Pennsylvanians like himself. And he's mad as hell.

Not at the guy you might expect, though. "It's fucking true," he said Monday night. "Everybody's bitter for one reason or another. So they're crucifying him because he spoke the truth? Cause he's not saying something that's going to suck up to people and kiss ass? Because, what, he slipped and accidentally spoke the truth, instead of kissing butt?"

Sciandra said he understood what Obama meant, and wasn't offended by the idea that he "clings" to guns. "I hunt, I fish, I love the outdoors," he said. "Me, I tell you, I'm not worried about anybody taking my guns ... I think it just came out the wrong way." As for Erfman, he's more worried about healthcare than his job. His 60-year-old mother-in-law, Iona White, just moved in with his family so she could get onto their health insurance. A lifelong Democrat, White says she'll vote for Obama next week. "It's a bad time in the world," she said. "People are bitter."

MEGAN: I mean, I was having this conversation with Michael Calderone the other day. I grew up in a small town where the major employer is gone. There is a lot of bitterness, people do like their hunting and their religions and I'll be damned if some of them weren't racist... And that's why I left.
MOE: Oh, my brother complained to me about Obama's meh economic policy and I thought one up on the fly.

I wish he would install Huckabee's tax plan. And then give forensic accounting jobs to all the out of work IRS people trailing financial corruption and enforcing net worth caps. No household should have more than $50
million, period. You want to be a billionaire you can give your money to a massive education and cancer fund. Donations to the church of scientology (or actually, anything having to do with religion and that includes you israel) not allowed. move to switzerland or thecaymans if you want to avoid us but don't expect to get through customs without some hardcore guiltripping.

MEGAN: And anal cavity searches.
MEGAN: Also, Huckabee's economic plan sucks and was designed to pander to a very small slice of the conservative electorate. There's something to be said for progressive taxation.
MEGAN: The reason really, really wealthy people donate money to causes like the "fair" tax and the "flat" tax is that they'll pay a lot less money that way. Also, because it would exempt capital gains from taxation. And the fair tax, if I recall, is basically like a national sales tax, so it's incredibly regressive but [waves shiny things] look over there and we'll totally refund that to poor people at the end of the year and whatever. Plus all fair tax advocates like to stand really, really close to you and don't have great breath.
MOE: It may have been designed to pander to those types, but it appealed to me as well, they just need to punish people for accumulating pointless weath a whole lot more. The thing that gives me hope is all the guys like Shawn Erfman, actually. The thing about this country is that a whole lot of unskilled working-class lower class whatever types are not actually dumb. Precisely because they are bitter! They have been forced by underemployment to sift through that which is their own fault, that which is the government's, that which is the fault of the mindless pandering to public sensibilities that get unnecessarily ruffled over the use of non-euphemisms such as "bitter." I feel like, people in cities have this sense that people out there all like people from Borat or something, and like, well, naw.
MOE: Oooooh the debate is tonight.
MEGAN: Yes, sadly.

MEGAN: Obama hasn't RSVP'd for the one in NC that was originally scheduled for the 19th with Katie Couric but is now rescheduled for the 27th and I'm praying desperately that he won't.
MOE: Hey did you read this story about Juarez? The drug war: still a mess! I'm ashamed to say that the headline "Wild West Blood Bath" and the touting of 210 deaths got me hooked. But it was only 210 in the last three months which is conveniently 70 a month which is just over two a day which is just like Philadelphia, and the crime networks seem just as confusing. (But somehow more Soderberghian.)

MEGAN: Is it sad that part of me was like, well, maybe if crime gets organized there then whatever dude or group of dudes has been raping and murdering women will get killed/run out of town? Because God knows the cops ain't been that successful at it.
MOE: Oh look it's John Paulson back in the news. John Paulson is the hedge fund manager who got the idea to figure out how to buy credit default swaps or something. His strategy got totally ripped off by his smarmy friend Jeff, but he still made out with $3.7 billion last year.
MEGAN: Wait, that dude's got a smarmier friend?
MEGAN: Never mind, I scrolled down. I'd call that creepy more than smarmy.
MOE:

Even on Wall Street, where money is the ultimate measure of success, the size of the winnings makes some uneasy. "There is nothing wrong with it — it's not illegal," said William H. Gross, the chief investment officer of the bond fund Pimco. "But it's ugly."

MEGAN: I think enforcement would be too much of a problem, personally. I mean, law enforcement sucks now. We have a huge tax gap already, which is a hugely euphemistic way of saying "tons of people cheat on their taxes" and between the IRS and Congress no one can figure out what the fuck to do about it that doesn't cost more than the money we're losing to cheaters... so they don't do anything, and then the rest of us just end up paying more in taxes than we should have to in order to subsidize the cheaters.
MEGAN: Like Wesley Snipes.

MEGAN: Sorry to wonk out there. Um, maybe we can discuss the obvious unrequited love that Hillary spokesperson Phillipe Reines has for Chelsea, as pictured here? His face totally says "She doesn't hug me like that now, but she'll notice me someday" and the whole article is about how overprotective he is of her and how he hates reporters and stuff. Sweetie, she's just not that into you. Unrequited love sucks, find someone who likes you for you and forget about her.

MOE: Wait, wait! I thought we were talking about something boring and dry that for whatever reason stokes my inner Marxist leninist spirit! A long time ago I read about some sort of tax on all flows of money. A proposal that would just slow the liquidity down ever so slightly. I'm not sure if it's possible or would be effective. But like, in the cases of the hedge fund investment bank plutocracy where most of the time the compensation is a matter of public record, we should be able to go after the cheats, no? Ugh, I hate this business. Here's something interesting.

MOE:

With a combined $2 trillion under management, the hedge fund industry is coming off its richest year ever — a feat all the more remarkable given the billions of dollars of losses suffered by major Wall Street banks.

MEGAN: Yeah, I tried reading the Merrill article but my eyes crossed somewhere around the point where their insurance company bailed and they decided to buy more stuff their insurance company said was too risky and then the company paid them more because they took their piggie-securitized-mortgages and put a tiara/high rating on it.
MEGAN: I think that a lot of hedge funds would just go offshore, but, yes, a tax on capital flows would probably reduce the flows but also drive them offshore and rich people would just be rich somewhere else. Actually, I mean, I'd be fine with going and being rich somewhere else right now. Or just rich. Or just somewhere else.

• "I heard Obama speak. He hit me with that he-just-got-done- watching-'Malcolm X,' and I swear to God, I'm like, 'Yo, Obama!' 'I'm Obama to the end now, baby!," says 50 Cent, who originally supported Hillary Clinton. He has since "lost interest." [MTV]
  
• One of the girls who tormented Megan Meier under the tutelage of evil mom Lori Drew is going to be on TV tomorow talking about how Lori turned out to be a crappy "mother figure." Um, yeah. [ABC]
  
• You know how after 9/11 the government consolidated all these government functions into the Department of Homeland Security, which was probably an expensive waste of time? Well they are sort of doing that with all the regulatory agencies that are supposed to keep track of how much money all of these sophisticated "security" things are worth so the economy doesn't find itself with a hole the size of the Russian economy in it. It will take a long time, and probably not work. [WSJ]
  
• Obama has his widest gap in the Gallup tracking poll of Democrats of any candidate since February. February! That is almost the month before last! [Wonkette]

• Oh, look who favors socialized medicine! The folks who provide it. Funny, that! Think they all got brainwashed by the happy British doctor in Sicko? [Reuters]
• Chelsea Clinton quotes Salt N Pepa. [Wonkette]
• Do Pennsyvlanians distrust women or black folks more? [AP]
• Paris Hilton is a "role model for young girls everywhere," according to Paris Hilton. [Redlasso]
• Finally, a pundit with the guts to take Hillary to task for this Bosnia thing. What would we do without you, Hitchens? [Slate]
• Did you hear about this whole "Earth Hour" thing? Yeah, don't worry, nobody did. [Time]

MOE: ah tere you are
  you can tell by my typing that I am extraordinarily hungover
But you will tell even moreso from my thought process
 
MEGAN: I am a little hung over myself, and dying for a Diet Coke. But it's pouring rain here.

MOE: OH my god the "Video Professor" himself is on Fox and Friends.
 
MEGAN: Nuh-uh! Switching now!
  
Wow, he's orange.

MOE: He's giving away a FREE BASKET of HIS INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEOS
Um and then they cut to a big segment on who got kicked off American Idol
Never suggest that Fox only has time for its right wing ideological agenda.
 
MEGAN: Does Elton think AI is still racist?
Okay, NO WAY is Donald's hair not thinning. Also, this is pretty much why I watch CNN even though they replaced my Soledad.

MOE: Yeah I would watch MSNBC probably because it's the Fox News of Trotskyists but ...I still can't figure out why they're both muted on my cable box. I think I should probably call time warner. But who wants to do that?

MEGAN: Oh, God, and be on hold forever? But at least it's not Comcast. Neener neener, Comcast, I got FiOS
Oh, God, that asshole that asked Chelsea about Monica is going to be on CNN. Does he not realize that everyone thinks he's a complete douchebag?

MOE: Okay so, some stories. Hillary wants grandkids. But why should we trust you, lying pimp puppet Chelsea? How do we know she didn't actually say, "I want a grandcat so in the middle of the night I can slaughter it??"
  Also, I don't care that that guy asked Chelsea that question.
  I mean, the way it was phrased was annoyingly Fox News.
  But fuck, she is an adult  
He looks like an ass.

MEGAN: OMG, totally. I just think it's a douche move to ask a girl about her father's affair. He is an ass.
 
MOE: Meh.
 I mean, I guess.

MEGAN: Ha, he's saying other dudes from his communications class wanted to know the answer. Because they're dudes.
 
MOE: The chance it would get answered by someone like Chelsea are so slim...the chance you'll look like an ass are so high.
 
MEGAN: They're all trying to figure out how to cheat on a woman and get her to stick around.
 
MOE: Fuck if Chelsea knows. She wanted her mom to leave him when she was ten or something.

MEGAN: Dude, so, remember how they passed that law allowing pilots to carry guns in the wake of 9/11? Yeah, some guy shot up his own plane by accident yesterday. I feel safer. You?

\
MOE: Oh god: 1. Who. 2. You know what's depressing is I just checked Facebook and my Horoscope says it's a good day for my "intellect" rating. And my initial thought was, "And I squandered it on THIS HANGOVER" and my immediate corollary thought was "Which is so bad I am believing my horoscope"? I think we should talk about that Pakistan story though. In the Washington Post, on how Musharaf's reduced powers are forcing us to bomb them with our own two ...well, bomb them unilaterally. Does this vindicate Obama? Because I'm really hungover.
  
But that's how it seems.
Also Donald Trump is on Fox & Friends talking about his brief run for the presidency. And he's saying that he didn't plan to run. "People tinkered with me. I made a speech in New Hampshire and people said, 'He's running!'" Um, Donald? Remember that book you wrote about your plan to run for president? Because I do. And it was AMAZING.
Donald Trump is like the apotheosis of everything I love about this country/city/dudes/etc.
 
MEGAN: Can Donald Trump just disappear again, like he did in about 1996? Because that was amazing.
Also, my Facebook horoscope says "A dramatic change in your attitude or appearance could have a negative impact on family relationships right now. You may not have done anything as drastic as a nose ring or a facial tattoo, but you could risk making a bad impression on someone whose help you will need in the future." Luckily, I barely leave the house, so I can't make a bad impression on anyone!

MOE: Ooooooh, this is what mine says.

It is impossible for you to be content with superficial answers now, and you are impatient with people who avoid looking candidly and honestly at root causes and hidden reasons for any problem or situation. You tend to force your views on other people now. Also, you can become obsessed with an idea or problem until you have figured it out.

MEGAN: My God, the Facebook horoscope people, like, know you. Today.

MOE: So did Hillary plagiarize her Bosnia trip account from Olympia Snowe?
  Is Chuck Phillips as much of an idiot as Bill O'Reilly, as Jay-Z once notably suggested?
Oh look, the GDP is suffering, but corporate profits are still on the rise! That's great, great news for those of us in the problem solving business.
 
MEGAN: Anyway, so on Pakistan. I can't believe that people were all freaked out about Obama saying we'd go after OBL in Pakistan with or without Pakistani permission. I mean, had it been the anti-war people freaking out, fine, but hawks were the ones who wigged. I mean, the only reason we haven't yet is so's we don't destabilize Uncle Pervy. But if we go after them now, maybe, Obama can actually live up to his doctrine about changing the way we do foreign policy or something.
Olympia Snowe's totally voting for Hillary I bet.
And Chuck Phillips must be the only person in the world that thinks that Diddy is anything but a middle class guy. He's probably even nice.
Also, if you'd like, a moment of silence. The inventor of the Egg McMuffin has gone to the Playland in the sky.
 
MOE: Oh, and shit, just in time for tax season: guess who's suddenly "under scrutiny" as a result of this financial crisis that no one understands: the accounting industry. What a surprise! You mean, the ones who actually understand this shit are the culprits? When was the last time the accountants were blamed for some arcane financial scandalcrisis thingy? The last time one happened? Speaking of, calling all corrupt accountants: I still need one! And now, to resume denial. Re Pakistan: everything you said. This is why I'm eager to see a McCain-Obama foreign policy debate play out. But Hillary is taking it to the Convention. Where, by the way, we are going. Don't worry if you want to bring someone home I can sleep through pretty much anything.
Holy SHIT re the egg mcMuffin! Did you see that I wrote about egg mcmuffins yesterday?
 
MEGAN: I did! Also, I was sad you didn't mention the time I actually made you one on your actual stove.
 
MOE: I was really hungover that time.
Or wait, in pain...something.
 
MEGAN: I remember, that's why I made you one! Runny yolks and all.
 
MOE: But thank you. I used to make those all the time on the actual stove but english muffins are curiously hard to come by and/or expensive in this neighborhood, in contrast to Harlem, where they were abundant and cheap.
I know you care, audience.
 
MEGAN: No, we were both shitty drunk the night before. That's when we met up with Greg Wassertrom and Hunter Walker and then you went to a party and I got drunk and waited for you at the bar downstairs and argued with some Hillary supporter just because I could.
Because I was feeling argue-y.
  Really? I'll bring English muffins up next time.
By the way, how much do you want to give a low dollar donation to get in on the raffle to have dinner with Obama? Because I want to. Bad.

MOE: Oh right. That night. I went to Jessica's house and we discussed ...cannibalism. I had just read that Harper's reading re cannibalism during the Great Leap Forward. Which, inspires me to bring you this small update re Tibet. 660 people have been held, according to the government. I am not sure why we are supposed to believe them, but that is what they say. And dinner with Obama: I knew when it started looking like he could become president that I was foregoing any chance for dinner with him, and that is okay.

MEGAN: Also, CNN is reporting live from Philly in front of the Art Museum and they are apparently having a Frieda Kahlo exhibit. I think we should task Commenter Braak to go and report back.
 
MOE: Hey Braak, speaking of, do you know about ESCHACON????
 
MEGAN: Only 660 people? That doesn't actually seem like a lot for China.

MOE: I am supposed to go down on Saturday and meet TRex and sundry other leftblogger types in Philly but...I also have like ninety other commitments, one of which is my sister, who just texted me telling me her newest documentary plan was "My Sister, The Marxist," and I should really try to do my taxes this weekend, if only for the sake of the art. Do you know there is a giant picture of ammunition on the front of the Times today and I havent' gotten to the story yet?Something about the Afghans. Ammunition is not the most photogenic thing, you know? I guess it's an image that conjures ...possibility. But.

MEGAN: Well, if you go, tell TRex I say hi and that I am mad at him for not inviting me, too. I mostly did my taxes earlier this week, I just now have to figure out that whole home office thingie and whether there's anyway that I can possibly get enough of a deduction out of that to make it worth my time to figure it out.

MOE: Oh my god the story is actually kind of amazing.

But to arm the Afghna forces that it hopes will lead this fight, the American military has relied since early last year on a fledgling company led by a 22-year-old man whose vice president was a licensed masseur.

MOE: Okay, so the company is called AEY. Hedquarters: Miami Beach. 22-year-old CEO Efraim Diveroli: hott.In a shaggy way. Contracts up to $300 million. Wiretap suggesting: corruption; old arms; everything made in China. I haven't gotten to the jump, but already I am going to tell you: Israeli mob. Ecstasy trafficker family. And that brings me back to Trump, and this story I did about how he was doing business with the Israeli mob — unwittingly of course. everything is unwitting with him.

MEGAN: Because he is witless?

MOE: But yeah. I'm telling you. Mark my words. His family is in the ecstasy business. If only they were selling that to the Afghans. Also: how are you supposed to transport anything into Afghanistan if you aren't somehow wound up with contraband traffickers? No one talks about what logistics geniuses the drug traffickers are, and how we could probably make business a lot more efficient by legalizing drugs and learning their secrets. Well no one talks about that because it is a retarded thought. I'm jumping.

MEGAN: Actually, that's not a completely retarded thought. I mean, heroin is really Afghanistan's most successful export and it gets grown and distributed well despite all its problems. Like, we can't even manage to distribute money not to grow it well.
 
MOE: Here is the masseur. Also hott.

MEGAN: Albania's defense minister? Totally fuckable.
The masseur looks high as shit and like a drug dealer. I'm sticking with the defense minister.
  The masseur's eyes are like something out of a horror movie.
Efraim looks stoned.
 
MOE: Oh Jesus.

Michael Diveroli, Efraim's father, had incorporated the company in 1999, when Efraim was 13. For several years, a period when the company appeared to have limited activity, Michael Diveroli, who now operates a police supply company down the street from AEY's office, was listed as the company's sole executive.

MEGAN: Nice. Efraim looks like one of those guys I would happily allow to hit on me in a bar and use his rather limited vocabulary to tell me how fucking sexy I am and how I should go home with him and who I will never actually go home with because I think if you cannot say "cunnilingus" correctly you probably aren't going to be worth the time or the condom to fuck.

MOE: Ephraim is a young Israeli mobster from Miami. I interviewed one once. He was a year from federal prison, not that he revealed that to me at the time. He was the cockiest motherfucker I've met in my entire life. But, in the words of the intern who transcribed the interview: "God he sounded hot."
'
MEGAN: A little arrogance can be attractive in a man, especially, say, if a girl is particularly used to dating guys with maybe not a ton of self esteem NOT THAT I DO THAT OR ANYTHING but too much just pisses me off because normally it's not backed up by anything.  
But I'm also older than your former intern.

MOE: On a note unrelated to sex, the thing this story is making me realize is that the cool thing about selling arms is that, unlike with lead toys or drugs, they don't seem to get screened so much. This guy seemed like he was picking his up in Albania — straight-arrow country, that Albania — and they'd originally come from China in the sixties and seventies. In the sixties and seventies, when arms were probably being smelted in backyards while people subsisted on other people, not to get to circular about things. I am still awestruck by the... awesomeness of this story. 
Incidentally, the Albanian they hired to repackage this shit, Kosta Trebicka, is also pretty hot.

MEGAN: Our government defense dollars at work. No wonder we're winning the war.

MOE: OH my god best. So last summer, Trebicka and Diveroli, the 22-year-old, were talking about how tough it was to do business in Albania, and the 22-year-old suggested that Trebeckia send "one of your girls" to have sex with the head of the export agency. "Money might help too." It always comes back to whores.

MEGAN: And money. Also, really? Did any of these guys have trouble getting laid without having to pay for it?

MOE: Not if they're drinking with me. But you know the neocons: they like a challenge.

• Hillary won the Texas primary by four percentage points but she may actually wind up tied with Obama for the delegate count. Just trust me when I say I am outraged on her behalf. [Wonkette]
  
• It's official: Rush Limbaugh won yesterday for Hillary. [Reason]
  
• It's official: that leaked NAFTA document won yesterday for Hillary. Stephen Harper says so. Who's Stephen Harper? Ha ha ha, some interdependence that turned out to be. [Reuters]
  
• It's official: there were a BUNCH of reasons Hillary won last night but yeah it was mostly SNL. [Progressive]
  
• Personally I don't understand why no one is crediting Joel Osteen of the Church of Prosperity and Lingerie for winning it for Hillary because everyone loves money and lingerie. And also, Chelsea's highlights. I hate highlights but hers look hot. [Houston Chronicle]
  
• Yeah yeah yeah running mate whatever we'll cross that bridge when we come to it which is to say holy shit NEVER. [Politico]

• Oh my God. You know who resurfaced today, guys? Our pathologically embarrassing lame-duck president guy! To endorse John McCain. John McCain was sooooo honored I'm sure. [NY Times]
• Just for that he got Gen. Petraeus to say Al Qaeda was coming back. Wait a sec! I thought Al Qaeda was in Iraq. It's called "Al Qaeda in Iraq"! Mindfuck. [World Tribune]
• Being a woman sucks, yes it does, don't even try to deny it, something about Hillary. [Washington Post]
• Blogsentiment of the day: "One would hope for something as simple as "he talks a good game, but it's all a huge lie!!!!!" but it's not all a huge lie." [Atlantic]

MEGAN: Good morning! Did you just see Nader on CNN? He smirked when Obama accused him of hubris and threw it right back.

MOE: Wait, was he actually on with Obama?
 
MEGAN: No, but they played video of Obama responding to a question about him yesterday.
(Is it fair to wonder what is up with his left eye and his slightly slurred speech? Was it always like that or have I just been ignoring him that much?)
 
MOE: Ah yes I did read about that.
I totally voted for Nader in 2000. SIGH.
My boyfriend at the time was actually his California campaign manager

MEGAN: I was googling for a picture to figure out the eye thing, and found this picture instead. I like this one better.
 
MOE: Or some title like that that applied to any other candidate would denote some level of importance..

MEGAN: I sort of what to see him debate Cynthia McKinney for the green party nod.

MOE: I think Obama relishes chances to look like a moderate and he doesn't have many what with the Clinton campaign "circulating" shit like this.

MEGAN: He looks like an Ay-Rab! An Ay-Rab!
He's here to destroy our way of life! Ahhhh!
  [commences running in circles with arms waving in the air]

MOE: So...what else. There's an extremely well-timed New York Magazine cover story about Chelsea Clinton... all the columnists are now grousing about how they still have to write about Hillary Clinton as if she actually has a chance, all the universe, ombudsman included, is still grousing about how bad that John McCain story was, and so we are left with... Ralph Nader.
There's also a lot of last-minute hand wringing over whether Obama is good for the Jews including Bernard-Henri Levy who is in town to talk about neo anti Semitism.
  I'm not sure where to begin with this stuff.
It's all so tiresome!
And I'm so tired!
 
MEGAN: I prefer just talking about silly pictures.
Like, whatever CNN producer thought it appropriate to put Ali Velshi in a cowboy outfit on a horse.
And then showed a picture of Yul Brenner in Westworld.
Oh, and they're debating again tomorrow night. Time to stock up on alcohol, people.
  
Do you think that since her new campaign tactic is to be sarcastic and shit the debates will be more interesting tomorrow?
MOE: Uhhhhh, I guess? I mean, I know never to trust the conventional wisdom, but the conventional wisdom is kinda compelling right now!
MEGAN: I'm just sick of them all playing nice. Yawn.
  
Also, the youngest superdelegate guy just endorsed Obama because Wisconsin and young people are going for Obama.
MOE: Yeah, Jason Rae. I am sick of that kid, too. I'm reading this Chelsea story.
Oooh, fun factoid: Obama's secret service name is Renegade!
MEGAN: Boys.
Also, I love the anecdote about Chelsea flirting with the hot jock on the campaign trail. Like, I want to think I would do it, but I know I'm too much of a weenie.
MOE: Hahaha here it is

Approached by a tall model-handsome college jock at the University of Utah, she literally batted her eyelashes at him. "Hell-o!" she said in a Mae West tone before posing for a snapshot with him.

when Gennifer Flowers sold the story of her affair with Chelsea's dad to Star magazine, including tapes of their intimate phone calls, Hillary took her 11-year-old daughter to the supermarket, pointed out the tabloids, and "told her what we heard was going to be in one of them," because she wanted her "to feel she's a part of this," according to Clinton biographer Sally Bedell Smith. Wead said Chelsea's parents "got a lot of criticism for preparing Chelsea like this. During one of those sessions, she apparently left in tears. Rush Limbaugh said it showed just how ruthless the Clintons were, putting their child through this." Limbaugh's concern was disingenuous, of course. On his TV show, he called her "the White House dog." Wead says, "The Ford children told me they wish they'd had somebody to explain things to them. Instead, they were just thrown upstairs in the White House, with the caveat, 'And by the way, don't make a mistake.' "

That fall, Chelsea couldn't resist reading the Starr report online, including the footnotes. When Bill Clinton learned that she'd read the report, he wept.

"There were these girls around her—it was their mission to have Chelsea be their friend," noted a student who knew her. "The mean girls positioned themselves around Chelsea when everybody was deciding who to live with, and I remember they pushed this sweet girl out of the group. She ended up gaining 25 pounds."

MEGAN: I sorta wanted Chelsea to realize that the girls were mean and be nice to the excluded one, but I'll bet she didn't know. Some women are great at hiding their true nature (and, no, I'm totally not saying that because I found something out this weekend that I was probably better off not knowing about one of my "friends," why do you ask?).
MOE: One of my best friends was good friends with one of her friends at Stanford and visited and told me Chelsea was just kind of unfriendly. Which is totally unsurprising. She's incredibly cautious. The excluded girl ... I dunno.

MEGAN: I mean, I think in that position you surround yourself with people you trust and are hesitant about everyone else. I would be. But I am sort of an unfailingly paranoid person for no reason.

MOE: Okay, so that story was boring. But is it as boring as our next task, which is tallying up the major opinion columnists who are calling for Chelsea's mom to quit?
Colbert King of the Washington Post wants her to quit because she's not black or something.
MEGAN: Oh, for Chrissakes. It's an election, people. Hell, even if you want to assume she's just pounding the potential future nominee, she's airing his dirty laundry far enough in advance of the election to practically inoculate him.
  
*innoculate
MOE: Frank Rich wants her to quit because her campaign reminds him of the Iraq war, with Mark Penn as Rumsfeld.
MEGAN: Mark Penn sucks. This is my completely unbiased and slightly uninformed opinion.
  
But he sucks.
 
MOE: Bob Novak thinks she should quit because she's too clueless to even know she is supposed to quit.

 MEGAN: I can't believe they paid him $10 million and dumped Patti Solis Doyle
Bob Novak is the Earl Of Minor, Creeping Despair. He's like one of the ghosts in The Sixth Sense, insofar and his mere presences causes the temp to plummet.
 
MOE: Eugene Robinson, the early bird here, thinks she should quit because she has the gall not to quit.
MEGAN: Because, God knows, it's important the quit in advance of losing.
*to quit.
  Shit, I can't type this morning.

MOE: Maureen Dowd says she should quit because she's too macho and Obama out-girled her. Umm... how is she not tired of writing the same column every other day?

Obama tapped into his inner chick and turned the other cheek.

MOE: Oooooh, another one: Jonathan Alter thinks she should get out because she will only survive if Obama does something completely retarded and that would be bad for everyone anyway.

MEGAN: Oh, ok, so, she should drop out because Obama fucking up and making himself unelectable is a possibility only if she stays in? I fail to see the logic there.
But it's good to know that political columnists can find 10 ways to say the same thing and get paid! That, like, totally bodes well for my employability.

[Honolulu, February 17. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

• Puppies! [NYT]
  
• Unexplained national BlackBerry shutdown began at 3:30 p.m. I'd take it as a sign from God, but those fuckin' iPhones are still working. [WSJ]
  
• Obama officially pulled ahead of Clinton, delegate wise, even counting the "superdelegates," after winning in Maine. [CBS News]
  
• Oooooh, and look who's inevitable now!!! [NY Times]
  
• No really, DRUDGE EXCLUSIVE inevitable... [Drudge]
  
• And now that pretty much every state where The Nation is read has held a primary, it's pulling for Obama too. [CBS News]
  
• Paul Krugman finds something Nixonian about all this Obama love but fuck if he's going to tell you exactly what it is. [NYT]
  
• If China keeps up this stealing our military secrets thing maybe one day they will learn how to wage their own futile trillion dollar wars on oil-producing countries. But wait, who will they borrow money from to do all that? [Washington Post]

• Hey, did you know? Living in a roomy suburban single family home on a sizeable plot of land with a car and a lawn mower is actually a less environmentally-friendly lifestyle the kind you'd have if you moved into my apartment, took the subway to work and never even recycled. [New York Times]
• Chelsea dines with the 21-year-old superdelegate. [ABC News]
• The Game was sentenced to 60 days for pulling a gun on someone at a pickup basketball game. (Guy, what part of "just a game" don't you...) [LA Times]
• Thank the deities there is hope for scripted TV after all. [Wash Post]

In California, Maria Shriver made a surprise appearance/endorsement for Baracl Obama on Sunday in Los Angeles, appearing onstage at a rally with Obama's wife Michelle, Oprah Winfrey and Caroline Kennedy after will.i.am and friends warmed up the L.A. crowd with a little MTV-inspired campaign ad. Polls show that Obama (with a little help from his friends) has done a good job at reducing the gap in the polls between him and Hillary, who has long been expected to carry the state.

For her part, Chelsea Clinton has taken a leave of absence from her job and been stumping for her mother, even giving her first public speech last week following weeks of comments that she would neither talk to or in front of reporters despite her increasingly public role in her mother's campaign.

In the end, though, no matter who you support, we've come a long way from the days when the vast majority of campaign event headliners were men and a political spouse or daughter was meant to be seen by her candidate's side (or her husband's candidate's side) and not heard as a strong voice on her own. Now we just have to worry that they're just pandering to the impression that women like to hear women because we're all women. Trade-offs, you know!

Michelle, Maria, Caroline and Oprah on the Hustings in California [NY Times]
Chelsea Clinton steps up her role [Politico]
Maria Shriver endorses Obama [LA Times]

MOE: I've really been thinking hard about how losing weight could stave off a foot amputation
MEGAN: HAHAHA
MOE:Maybe this is a big problem in the other America I've been hearing about. People get so fat, they lose their immune system, but only in their feet, and they can't feel it when the flesh eating bacteria start eating away at them because they are so sedentary and so lazy on top of being sedentary that they never peel off their socks to see what's down there. I am that lazy.
MEGAN: indeed
Also, i worked on a conference at APEC. there's no really good evidence that preventative care saves money. the theory is that it staves off morbidity, which it does, and reduced the amount of end-of-life car. but in a society that lets you retire at 65, it ends up costing the economy, actually
so, barack's argument that it's a moral responsibility is better
and what he just said it correct about electronic medical records

MOE:That's a really good point. New York City supposedly has a higher lifespan than the rest of the country, which I attribute almost wholly to the fact that no one except me seems to have a sedentary lifestyle here because it's definitely not the higher rates of smoking, drinking and the contagious diseases they ought to be exposed to, but the insurance premiums here have got to be the highest in the country...anyway, that's gotta be what Brandy's talking about right now, yeah?

MEGAN: they are. also, there are some crazy reasons for that. like, that the state government requires that every person in a state-regulated insurance plan must be covered for tubal ligation reversal

MOE:But over the long run preventative care will be a cost saver, because people are, realistically, going to stop retiring at 65. I actually think the tremendous amount of paranoia our generation has about aging — how to age smart, how to keep your brain from deteriorating, the importance of exercise etc. etc. — will make us better, thriftier agers. I could be wrong though.
My own parents, after dealing with their parents, have mercifully promised to shoot themselves the minute they show symptoms of dementia.

MEGAN: Ha. Well, that's one way.
I mean, there's a real question of whether eliminating preventable disease actually reduced health care costs. like, it obviously reduces early death (function of government?) but, if you live longer, are you, in the ender, sicker less? i mean, we used to think that smokers weren't a drain on the system because they died earlier/faster, but that's untrue. so, don't sell me on preventative care because it "saves" money. sell me on it because it's why i pay fucking taxes.

MOE:Obama just did something kind of genius there
MEGAN: totally
MOE:Where he was like "Look, the only reason I am bringing up the fact that you've talked out of both sides of your mouth there is to point out that it's a difficult issue politically..."
MEGAN: is every fucking actor in hollywood in that audience?
HAHAHA, the democratic debates are brought to you by the coal companies!!
MOE:Subtext: that is not something that Miss Points Scorer here would acknowledge to y'all....
MEGAN: she got a little of her own, but she needs to watch herself be smug on camera and then not do it anymore. she needs tyra

MOE:oooh commercial break! fun fact: I have three of those environmentally friendly lightbulbs they're advertising at use in my house. I got them for free at a taping of Martha Stewart featuring BILL CLINTON. I went with Jennie. Jennie went crazy.
MEGAN: i bought one at ikea. it gave me a headache
MOE:I think I would like HIllary a lot more if she looked like she was actually listening to him as opposed to smirking contemptuously. He's very good with the writing down notes while she's talking thing.
MEGAN: Whoa, great start to the answer on that dynasty thing... but then she was like, no one has an advantage? Please.
MEGAN: like, i was really impressed when i started typing
AND NOW SHE'S CITING HER HUSBAND'S ACHIEVEMENTS. and i really wanted to like that answer
MOE: I'm surprised she knocked GHWB. For one thing, they didn't...uh...really "clean up." I mean, Bill didn't even have to change Fed chairmen! But it was also funny after Bill promised to send GHWB out as a goodwill ambassador the day she gets elected or whatever.
MEGAN: ha, yes, that was bad
MOE:But anyway, she just sort of conflicted herself. You know what she should have done?
MEGAN: she should've stuck the the spirit of her first 30 seconds?
and not gone for the easy applause line?
MOE:She should have said, "It is a shame, but George W. Bush was nothing like his father, and I think history will agree that he fell drastically short of him. I, on the other hand, intend to be an even better president than my husband."
MEGAN: that would've been awesome
MOE:Yeah, it really would have. And I'd sit up, and I'd fucking believe it, too, because she doesn't get carried away. Reading that story today about his little jaunt to Kazakhstan was like...whooooah dude. You really do not think beyond the moment.
Did you read that story?
MEGAN: no, i was a little occupied.
MOE:Ughhhhhh.
"Senator Clinton, that was a swipe at you." "Really?"
MEGAN: Maxine Waters is the Congresswoman for a good part of actual Hollywood, btw
MOE:Right i think I voted for her once
MEGAN: i applied for a job with her, and she never returned my call
MOE: Topher Grace
God imagine the AFTERPARTIES
MOE:oh my GOD Obama tells the girls they'll get a dog if he wins
HOW COULD YOU VOTE AGAINST HIM TUESEDAY
MEGAN: Those little girls do need a puppy
MOE:THE GIRLS NEED THEIR DOG
it would be stinky and snore-y just like daddy!
MEGAN: i wanna puppy. if barack promises me a puppy, i'll vote for him
dude, barry looks like he's falling asleep right now i felt the same way
MOE:Oh man. He really does.
I should send them some adderall. Can't one of his kids get a prescription?

MEGAN: look at the blinking!! he's a bored as the rest of us!!
MOE:This is a reeeeeeally civil debate. And civil = boring. GOP debates are sooooo much funner.
MEGAN: sadly
wolf just called hills naive though
MOE:One thing I appreciate about the debates is new commercials. I can't decide which regular CNN commercials are more annoying. There's the Macbook Air commercial, the New York Times weekender commercial, this commercial for... an insurance company or something that has this whiney song that sounds like it's by Sarah MacLachlan... oh yeah, and the fucking JUNO commercial that never ceases. Are the old folks who watch CNN all day really interested in seeing Juno like seven times? Bc otherwise I don't geti t.

MEGAN: fuck, watched fox news all week. every commercial break has an "invest in gold" commercial
MOE:Aaaah the HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
"if you can't control your husband now, what about when you're in office" HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH
MEGAN: her laugh isn't so bad
MOE:It's just still really forced and GRATUITOUS.
MEGAN: hillary is proud of her spouse?
wait, Josh from the West Wing? Fran Drescher?
MOE:Oooooh, Fran Drescher? There's no picture of her. But I'm saving a pic of West Wing dude who is married to Jane Kazmarek from Malcolm In The Middle and naming it westwingdude.jpg.
Anyway, dear Hillary, this is the part where you say: "Look, my husband. I've been with him eighty years or whatever. He goes off sometimes. He's a man. I tend to be more careful when I speak. We're different people. But we've made each other better over time and that will only continue."
She could use a little Michelle coaching.
MEGAN: Please, Hillary doesn't want any more Yes-people in the White House? Is she not going to hire everyone in her Senate office or on her campaign staff?

MOE:Hahaha I just went to Perez Hilton to see if he had any JUICY CELEB DEBATE pix up. And he has a post that says "Are you watching the debate? Click for a recap here" And I was sooooo hoping to click for the Perez liveblog, but it was just a boring CNN story.

MEGAN: awwww
ooh, ooh, chelsea's dress!! so cute!
MOE:SHIT. I missed it.
describe!
MEGAN: it was a navy blue shirt dress, probs cotton, with big buttons, a-line skirt
MOE:there's a pic on the AP
MEGAN: it's cute, right? also, i love her colorist. props to her colorist
MOE:i need an appointment with her colorist. I have $400 from the stimulus package!
MOE:So Bill Bennett declared victory for Hillary. I didn't see that? Is it my mulatto-colored glasses??
MEGAN: Or it's Bill Bennett?
MOE:Aaaaaaah sick premature infant what is this???? Turning off the CNN.
MEGAN: gah!
Yes
MOE:Obviously I am just using my racism as an excuse for my misogyny, but is it working?
MEGAN: oh, i dunno. i've had a bottle of wine i know that you're kidding
MOE:Good, that's good you know that I'm kidding. I have to stop watching this sickly infant program.
MEGAN: STOP! the daily show is on!
MOE:AAAAAAAAH

According to a new biography of Roosevelt by Stacy Cordery, in 1925

When they were respectively 41 and 60, Alice and the senator became the parents of a baby, Paulina, who would be readily accepted by both Nick Longworth, 56, and Mary Borah, 55. This would mean an unorthodox family arrangement and create catty nicknames ("Aurora Borah Alice"). Because of Alice's inveterate political nature, it also meant that she forsook the House of Representatives to spend time watching the Senate.

A Washington Monument: Her Life and Bold Times [New York Times]

Earlier: Does Jenna Bush Have Deep-Seated Granddaddy Issues? "Ana" Contains Clues...

• Everything in Norway is smoked! Amy Winehouse's arrest stemmed from someone tipping off the police that the singer had marijuana in her hotel room. Officers held Amy, husband Blake Fielder-Civil and a male member of her tour crew for about 12 hours in separate cells, then fined and released them. We're curious whether they bought the weed en route or brought it with them... [People]
  
• Isla Fisher popped! The actress and baby daddy Sacha Baron Cohen had a baby girl in L.A. on Wednesday night. [The Sun]
  
• A New York psychotherapist says that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie may be damaging their children by traveling so much, pulling them from schools and not creating a stable environment outside the family unit. Not that it's any of his business. [Page Six]
  
• Did the ideas from Jessica Seinfeld's book, Deceptively Delicious, come from another book? The Sneaky Chef: Simple Strategies for Hiding Healthy Foods in Kids' Favorite Meals has similar, icky, "just add purée" recipes. [Rush & Molloy]

• People are all abuzz because Chelsea Clinton's best friend, Nicole Davidson, is getting married in D.C. October 27. Chelsea is an expected guest, as are her parents, Hilary and Bill. Attendees are being warned not to "bother" the senator and former prez. Wonder if they'll do the chicken dance? [Page Six]
• Did Britney Spears visit a doctor's office for collagen injections in her lips? She was seen leaving a doctor's office covering her mouth. [TMZ]
• Wait! Britney may have been covering her mouth because she ran over a photographer's foot! [People]
• As for her August hit and run case, Britney cut a deal with the owner of the car she damaged. That means her charges might be dropped. [TMZ]
• Magician David Copperfield is being investigated by the FBI. Did something disappear? [TMZ]
• Ooh! Cops seized $2 million in cash from Copperfield, as well as a computer hard drive. [MSNBC]
• Shar Jackson won MTV's Celebrity Rap Superstar, yawn. She says ex Kevin Federline wished her luck and told her to "kill 'em." [People]
• Ellen DeGeneres canceled the taping of her show today. She's going to take a long weekend and come back on Tuesday with a new show. [People]
• Here's how Joely Richardson looked at an benefit in London that had the Daily Mail saying "signs of strain," aka anorexia. You be the judge. [ONTD]
• If you read somewhere that Lindsay Lohan was engaged, it is not true, thank the mighty lord Zeus. [ET]
• Holy crap: Catherine Deneuve's father was a Nazi collaborator, according to an unauthorized biography of the actress. [Telegraph]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham is fighting a "chest infection" which is pretty damn funny if you think about it the right way. Uh, the wrong way. [The Sun]

The geniuses behind the "America Seven-Point Thinness" patch claimed that Chelsea Clinton lost 26.5 pounds in a month using their product. But government-run Chinese television proved that the whole thing was a fake, using techniques Americans will fondly remembered from the classic "Fight Back With David Horowitz" TV show. Western media has largely ignored the controversy, since it's well known to all that Chelsea Clinton has, like any rational American, improved her appearance through cosmetic surgery, not herbal Oriental quackery.