Matt Lauer says stay-at-home mom Cori Rist decided to appear on Today "to set the record straight," and Rist echoes this sentiment when she says, "I felt like I needed to defend myself." She does emphasize that Tiger Woods never paid her for sex, that she's not "a hooker or a prostitute," and that members of his entourage knew about their affair, but she doesn't really add all that much to "the record." Rist says she needs to "set an example" for her seven-year-old son, and perhaps her appearance is an effort to, as she says, "take responsibility for the things I've done." But while she publicly apologizes to Elin Nordegren, the apology is unlikely to be all that comforting, and there doesn't seem to be much need for Rist to "take responsibility" on television. In fact, at this point it's hard not to suspect some of Woods's mistresses of self-promotion.

As Givhan pointed out yesterday, the act of speaking publicly as a former Woods mistress does have costs. The media and viewers alike disparage them, viewing them not only as morally loose but as "interchangeable commodities." Givhan writes,

Whatever might have occurred between Woods and all these women might never be fully known, and frankly, that's the way it should be. But for all the careful parsing of Woods's character, the attempts to reconcile his public persona with what might have been going on in the shadows, the women are being lumped into broad categories. They are being stereotyped as usual suspects for this sort of behavior.

It's a fair point, especially when people are joking of Tiger that, "If all his mistresses look the same, why didn't he just choose one?" Just because they looks similar doesn't make them the same, and even if Woods pursued them because they fit a certain physical type, that doesn't mean blondness is all they have to offer anyone. It's also true that their occupations — some are cocktail waitresses or former models — don't say anything about their intelligence or morals (a mistake we've been accused of making). But their jobs do make them a lot less famous than Tiger — meaning that, in some ways, they have less to lose.

Rist and other women in her position face some public censure and mockery. Even Givhan's not immune, saying of Woods's porn-star entanglements, "It seems fair to say that if you have chosen porn as your life's work, you are content with being judged as slimy, stereotyped as skeevy and maligned as sleazy." But unlike Woods, they don't have lucrative endorsement deals with Accenture to lose. And they may have something to gain — especially since famous other-woman Ashley Dupre now has a newspaper column. Rist says that unlike Woods's other mistresses, "I wasn't looking to get anything out of the relationship," and that may be true — when she broke down on Today, it felt genuine. But the Today show and other media outlets are certainly looking to get ratings out of Tiger Woods's relationships, and women who until now lived in relative obscurity may find the exposure tempting.

The Tiger Woods Scandal Is A Tale Of Sex — And Sexism [Washington Post]
Big Risk In A One-Man Brand Like Tiger Woods [NYT]

"I liked what he said. In fact, I thumbed through my book quickly this morning, saying, 'Wow, that really sounded familiar,'" she told USA Today. "I talked in my book, too, about the fallen nature of man and why war is necessary at times, and history's lessons when it comes to knowing when it is when we engage in warfare." Hubris, thy name is Sarah. •  But even if we don't believe Obama is stealing ideas from Palin, there are a good number of people out there who do care about what she has to say - or are at least curious enough to read her garbled writing. Palin's op-ed in the Washington Post on climate change was (sadly) one of the most read WaPo op-eds of the year. • Amazon is offering Going Rogue, the e-book at the discounted price of $7.99, if you preorder now. Going Rogue wont be available for Kindle until December 24th. • In Oprah Winfrey's Christmas at the White House special, which airs Sunday night, Michelle Obama says her favorite childhood gift was a metal dollhouse with plastic furniture. "I really didn't know how to set up a house so I had all the furniture lined up along the walls as opposed to nestled around the fireplace, but I loved that little dollhouse," she said. Another Obama Christmas revelation: Bo has his own stocking. • A new study found that female hedge fund managers are better at managing money than men. On average, funds managed by women produced annual returns of 9%, compared with only 5.82% for those run by men. They concluded that "on average, women tend to be more consistent investors, holding investments longer and processing a greater level of informational detail, including contradictory data, in making decisions." • A 30-year-old Las Vegas woman claims that when she went into labor on November 30th, the staff at the region's only hospital, the University Medical Center, ignored her for so long that she went home and gave birth to a premature baby. The child did not survive. Witnesses from the waiting room have corroborated her story, and hospital chief Kathy Silver has promised to take actions against any staff if her allegations are proven true. •  The New York Fire Department is considering, for the first time ever, electing a woman to serve as fire commissioner. More specifically, they are thinking of promoting Mylan Denerstein, who has executive deputy attorney general for social justice for the state since January 2007. • Liberal blog Firedoglake is trying to get Hadassah Lieberman, wife of Connecticut senator Joe Lieberman, kicked out of her position as "Global Ambassador" for breast cancer foundation Susan G. Komen for the Cure. "As Hadassah travels the globe under the banner of Susan G. Komen for the cure, decrying the inadequacies of our health care system and the desperate need to reform it, her husband is at home to kill the reform efforts we so desperately need," wrote blogger Jane Hamsher. • There are still laws on the books in Minnesota that make it illegal for a married woman to cheat on her husband and for a single woman to have sex. The decades-old laws are not enforced, but a woman could be fined $3,000 and jailed for a year if she cheats. Some Minnesota lawmakers want them repealed, but others say they should be expanded to apply to men as well. "We think they're important. They send a message," said Tom Prichard of the Minnesota Family Council, "When you are dealing with a marriage, it's not just a private activity or a private institution. It's a very public institution. It has enormous consequences for the rest of society." •

The day after a South Carolina legislative panel decided to consider a formal rebuke against him (as opposed to the more severe impeachment) Sanford spoke to reporters about his marriage. Although he and his wife have actually been separated, he says he still wants to make a marriage work. He wouldn't say whether he was still in contact with the Argentinian woman he visited over Father's Day weekend, but he did say, "I'm not going back to June. We've had all those conversations." He added that he had visited his wife and children at the beach house where they're now living: "I mean, you may have missed it, but I mean I was down there last night and dropped by and saw the kids."

While Mark Sanford struggles to rehabilitate his reputation, his wife's star is rising. She appeared on ABC as one of Barbara Walters 10 Most Fascinating People of 2009, where she had the good and bad fortune to be able to make even more public statements about her husband's infidelity. Jenny Sanford seemed a little stiff, but she was candid, saying she was "obviously not" her husband's soul mate. However, she didn't rule out repairing the marriage, saying only, "I think the hurdles are significant."

Walters says she chose Sanford as a counterexample to the "long-suffering wife [...] saying, 'I'm standing by my husband'" and because "she has lived now with dignity and integrity." Jenny Sanford does seem to have some serious backbone — of her husband's infidelity, she tells Walters, "certainly his actions hurt me, and they caused consequences for me, but they don't in any way take away my own self-esteem." She also says the title of her upcoming book, Staying True, reflects her commitment "to myself, to my faith, to the things that are important to me." It's refreshing to see a woman who once devoted her life to her husband's political campaign now making a public expression of strength and self-sufficiency, and Sanford's independence sends an important message that women need not be destroyed by their husbands' indiscretions. Sanford says she has forgiven, but not forgotten her husband's affair, and she provides a very public model for women (and men) who feel that cheating isn't something they have to tolerate.

At the same time, is separation the only way she could have "lived with dignity and integrity?" Is standing by your husband always an undignified act? Sanford deserved praise for offering a new path for the publicly "wronged wife," but by implicitly denigrating the old path, we just heap more shame on these wives. Whether or not she'd chosen to stay with her husband, Jenny Sanford's integrity was never at issue — and maybe one of the biggest problems for wives of famous philanderers is that we continue to find their marriages "fascinating."

Update: Guess those "hurdles" were a little too high — Jenny Sanford is filing for divorce.

South Carolina Gov. Sanford Still Wants To Reconcile With Wife, But Jenny Sanford Is Not Willing [New York Daily News]
Jenny Sanford Talks About Heartbreak After... [ABC News]
Jenny Sanford On Barbara Walters' 10 Most Fascinating People [YouTube]

Sheidlower writes,

We don't know much for certain about Tiger Woods' extramarital relations. But the term mistress generally connotes a level of commitment to one's side dish(es) that does not seem to be present here. A woman who has sex with a man once-or even repeatedly- but without any real devotion is not really his mistress.

A mistress, Sheidlower continues, is "exclusively devoted to one man." Their relationship is "relatively serious and stable," and the man may support her financially. And it's not just the name that sounds archaic — according to Sheidlower, the whole concept has fallen out of vogue:

If the type of romantic partnership that mistress evokes seems a little quaint, that points to the very problem with the word in current use: It refers to a social role for women that is increasingly rare, because it is increasingly unnecessary, in modern-day America. A man who is devoted to another woman can divorce his wife without the same social stigma that would once have applied; if his needs are purely recreational, he can engage in casual affairs without doling out serious amounts of cash. Conversely, women no longer need sugar daddies for support. Modern women, for the most part, have access to financial-and sexual-opportunities that make subservience to a married man distinctly less appealing.

It's good that women now have enough economic and sexual independence that they don't need to be "kept," and it's hard to feel much affection for a term that stood for a pretty unequal relationship (though Steidlower's claim that a mistress was always a one-man woman seems a bit naive). At the same time, as the number of Tiger Woods's alleged paramours (lovers? Hookups? As Sheidlower points out, all the terms suck.) approaches a dozen, I find myself a little nostalgic for a slightly more romantic form of infidelity. Various Freudian analyses notwithstanding, we don't really know why Tiger Woods cheated. But the sheer volume of indiscretion now piling up in tabloids and newspapers feels pretty sordid, less like the star-crossed love of "Meryl and Clint in the Bridges of Madison County" (The Daily Beast's example) and more like a guy scratching an itch. And scratching and scratching and scratching.

Yes, the word "mistress" hearkens back to a time when women had much less sexual freedom than men (although you could argue they still do). And yes, to privilege it over "one-night stand" or "hookup" implies a certain prudishness and discomfort with modern sexual practices — practices which may not really be so different from those of yore. Mistresses aside, the one-night stand is ancient, and even the "random hookup" is far from a twenty-first century invention. Still, I have to confess that when I received an email to my work address reading "become my sexual mistress, Lady," I was a little bit charmed. The "sexual" part notwithstanding, the request sounded so quaint, almost chivalrous. I could imagine it inscribed on a card, accompanied by a white rose. Then I noticed he'd sent the message to everyone on the staff.

Tiger Woods Does Not Have 11 "Mistresses" [Slate]
Why Men Cheat [Daily Beast]

The report, which will be released today by the Josephson Institute of Ethics, surveyed 7,000 people in various age groups nationwide about their past behavior and their personal ethics. They found that teens who admit to cheating on exams in high school are much more likely to lie to a customer, cheat on taxes, or lie to their spouses. Additional findings, as reported in the L.A. Times include:

Teens 17 and younger are five times more likely than those older than 50 to believe that lying and cheating are necessary to succeed (51% vs. 10%), those in the 17 and younger group are nearly four times as likely to deceive their boss (31% vs. 8%) and three times more likely to keep change mistakenly given to them (49% vs. 15%).

More young adults ages 18 to 24 reported lying to a spouse or partner than did the 41- to 50-year-old members of their parents' generation (48% vs. 22%), more made an unauthorized copy of music or a video (69% vs. 27%) and they were more likely to have misrepresented or omitted a fact in a job interview (14% vs. 4%).

The Josephson Institute of Ethics issues regular surveys on the ethics of teens, and they report seeing a steady increase in the number of kids who admitted to cheating, lying and stealing in the past years. However, this is the first study that has linked teenage dishonesty with adult misdeeds. Robert A. deMayo, a professor of psychology from Pepperdine University, believes that the erosion of teen ethics may be linked to the growth of new technology, which provides a huge amount of feedback that reinforces negative behavior by normalizing it. "The young do that in a widespread fashion and say yes, they know it's wrong; yes, it's stealing, but everybody is doing it. It becomes normalized, it becomes almost irrelevant that it's against the letter of the law," he said.

The question of teen morality feels especially salient this week, after the horrible gang rape of a 15-year-old girl in Richmond. This morning, Anna N. delved into the reasons why something like this could happen, and while the bystander effect may play a part, there was clearly much more going on than simply diffusion of responsibility. As much as I don't want to draw a parallel between this study and the Richmond case, it is difficult to read about teen ethics without immediately going back to this terrifying example of a group of young adults who lacked the basic human decency to report a violent assault.

But here's the thing: Kids - and teens - usually have to learn this behavior somewhere, and while peers do play a huge part, so do parents. Rich Jarc, director of the Josephson Institute, says he's worried about the implication of their recent findings: "When you see that teens are five times more likely than adults to think it's OK to cheat to get ahead, we have a problem. Just think if five times the number of people in business, politics and banking hold those beliefs. That's alarming."

It is alarming, but on the other hand, these teens did not spring fully formed into the world. Perhaps even more importantly, teens have always cheated on tests, lied to people, and even stolen. The study examines is based on self reports; is it possible that more teens are simply admitting to their misdeeds than ever before? Based on purely anecdotal evidence, this seems somewhat likely. I will admit, I was kind of a cheater in high school myself. I cheated on tests, cheated on a boyfriend, and routinely lied to my parents. However, my desire to cheat was vastly overwhelmed by my compulsive honesty. No sooner had I told my parents a lie than I would turn right around and confess, which made their job of reigning me in far easier. Judging from the growing trend of confessional journalism - pioneered by none other than the loathsome Liz Jones - people are becoming more and more likely to put it all out there in some (possibly misguided) desire to unburden their conscience. Maybe we're going to see a generation of liars and cheaters, but maybe we are looking at the next generation of obsessive and somewhat self-destructive truth-tellers.

Fortunately, deMayo points out that there is a silver lining: Teens today are much more tolerant than ever before. He notes that many young adults express more positive views about ethnic and gender rights than previous generations. "We want to denounce young people as immoral, but certain basic values that represent American ideals of freedom and equality seem to be on the rise with young adults." At least we have that.

Seeds Of Adult Dishonesty Sowed In Youth, Study Says [L.A. Times]

Okay, first odd thing about Melanie Berliet's "experiment." She claims her journalistic - sociological? - anthropological? goal is "to explore a few thorny questions: What kind of men seek out illicit relationships online? Can adultery be a healthy way to fulfill one's needs without alienating one's partner? Is cheating really as bad as society makes it out to be?" But the thing is, she opens the piece with an account of her two-year affair with a married man. So, um, hasn't she already done the leg-work?

Then there's her actual process, which feels...well, like nothing you'd learn in J-School. She devises the profile of a young, restless matron and engages with three guys. She's into two of them, who seem unconflicted about their cheating and have "arrangements" - tacit or otherwise - with their wives. And they seem on the level. "I, too, was everything I'd claimed-a Georgetown graduate and bond trader turned writer who likes to read and ride her bike-save for one crucial detail: I was actually unmarried and unattached." And, you know, a reporter.

Third odd thing: the writing.

"Why me?," I asked. "What are the other women on Ashley Madison like?"

"Well, for one thing, your skin is the color of purity," he said, as if admitting his darkest secret. "It gets me thinking about the irony of finding you on some filthy cheater's Web site. It doesn't match."

"So I embody a contradiction," I said, aware of my starring role in some hard-core porno playing in the back of his mind.

"Yes. I love it."

She doesn't think this particular guy is really unconflicted about the cheating.

For the sake of my experiment, though, I obliged Jackson by conjuring up several explicit "visuals" via e-mail while he was away. I also participated in a few rounds of real-time cyber-sex, despite confusion over the whole typing-while-touching thing. The transcripts of those e-mails and conversations make me laugh, cringe, blush, and feel aroused all at once, but they're way too graphic to print.

Moving on! So. What does she conclude from her "research?" Well, that different people cheat for different reasons. And, oh yeah:

If and when I find a life companion, I can't say with certainty that I'll be 100 percent faithful-not because I don't want to be, but because it seems presumptuous to assume that strict monogamy is my fate when the majority of people who attempt it fail...Maybe I'm jaded. Maybe, as some social scientists would say, I'm a sex addict incapable of achieving healthy intimacy. Or maybe, as Dr. David Barash suggests in his provocative book The Myth of Monogamy, when it comes to marriage we ought to apply Churchill's maxim about democracy: among lifestyle choices, it's the worst possible option except when you consider the alternatives.

Or...maybe you're doing your "research" amidst a self-selecting population of creepy assholes who've paid money to be on a site whose motto is 'Life is short. Have an affair' and sounds like Nora Roberts named it. Just a thought. But despite the, ahem, depth of this writer's journalistic commitment to the truth, I think I'll happily draw uninformed, judgmental conclusions about most of these dudes - and not feel I'm missing much.

The Cheaters' Club [Vanity Fair]

Well, for one, they get to deal with the fall-out from her husband approaching Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly to report on the affair because they couldn't figure out any legal case against Ensign. He wrote:

"It appears there may be nothing the law can do to correct and bring justice and restitution to this terrible wrong that has been done us," he wrote. "I have sought a number of lawyers who are having difficulty finding charges that may hold up in court."

Instead, Hampton was willing to expose his wife's extramarital activities to broad public scrutiny in an effort to ruin his former boss.

Unlike most philandering politicians, Ensign and his wife were separated at the time that he began an affair with Cynthia Hampton — one which her husband now swears resulted from a relentless pursuit of his wife, since obviously she has no autonomy or sexual desires of her own. It is similar to the affair that San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom conducted with his former friend-and-staffer's wife in which the politician is the single one, and the husband the cuckold. There's no official word on why the Hamptons stopped working for Ensign before the affair ended, though the New York Times reported that Ensign reconciled with his wife shortly before Cynthia Hampton left his employ.

Whatever the circumstances, Craig Hampton has reportedly made his wife the latest political mistress in an effort at exacting some sort of revenge on the man that he believes is responsible for their ruination. The Politico's Erika Lovley has a look at what some other now-infamous political mistresses are up to.

More than two decades ago, model Donna Rice Hughes was thrust into the spotlight when a photo of her sitting on the lap of married Democratic presidential candidate Gary Hart caused him to drop out of the race. She also lost her job with a pharmaceutical company and all but disappeared for nearly seven years.

She is now an internationally known Internet safety expert and president of Enough Is Enough, an organization that fights child pornography. She has testified before Congress several times, co-authored a book on child Internet safety and served as an expert on the "Dateline NBC" series "To Catch a Predator."

Rice decided to channel her infamy and embarrassment into hard work in an effort to make her life about more than her affair (and about doing well for others).

Eliot Spitzer's infamous call-girl is cashing in, but not as much as she could be.

The former $4,000 call girl caused an upset when she appeared at New York Fashion Week this year, and she is reportedly working on an album and film opportunities. She's also blogging and has turned down offers to appear in Playboy and Penthouse.

She's not willing to be famously naked (other than her reported appearance on Girls Gone Wild), but she's trying to nonetheless be famous in the entertainment industry.

Many of the political mistresses whose affairs resulted in children have, more or less, eschewed the spotlight, including the mother of Jesse Jackson's child, Karin Stanford and Rielle Hunter, the mother of John Edwards' alleged love child. Other women, like Judith Nathan and Calista Bisek went on to marry their lovers (Rudy Giuliani and Newt Gingrich, respectively). And some, like Monica Lewinsky, flirted with celebrity and then got out of the spotlight.

But how about Ruby Rippey-Tourk, whose affair with the separated Gavin Newsom prompted her husband's angry resignation and months of stories in the local (and national) papers? Despite reports that she was working on a book, she's stayed out of the spotlight as well. Which, frankly, might have been what Craig Hampton should have allowed his wife to do. But apparently, his ego was more important.

Spouse in Ensign affair sought help in letter to Fox News [Las Vegas Sun]
The Other Women [Politico]
Jilted husband forced Ensign's hand [Politico]
Ensign's office: Woman's husband approached media with story [Las Vegas Sun]

Related: Aide Quits As Newsom's Affair With His Wife Is Revealed [San Francisco Chronicle]

According to Utne, there's a raft of pro-adultery literature cropping up on the Wild, Wild Web. They cite a piece on Briarpatch that dismisses marriage as a tyranny in which"your intimacy is governed by scarcity, threats, and programmed prohibitions, and protected ideologically by assurances that there are no viable alternatives"; and an irreverent post on Jewcy about the (apparent) Jewish infidelity movement. (I choose not to view yesterday's Daily Mail tell-all by an "utterly shameless serial mistress" as evident of any philosophical trend.)

Now, as we all know, the internet is rivaled only by the Good Book in its ability to provide evidence for any argument, and that quality is rivaled only perhaps by its capacity to help anyone rationalize anything. Does the internet facilitate cheating? Sure. Does it cause it? Doubtful. And anyone agitating for extra-marital shenanigans is surely more than matched by an equal body of pro-fam literature.

Reading the "pro-cheating" manifestos, one can't help thinking, "so...why get married?" And, once married, there's no terribly compelling rationale given for why the miserable parties involved must stay chained to their nuptial servitude, save a vague "societal" dictate that seems rooted in the first half of the 20th Century. Certainly, it seems unlikely that anybody who embraces the philosophy of infidelity as a weapon against "capitalist oppression" (as Utne would have it) would be tethered by such notions of traditional domesticity or any other traditional rationale for staying in a marriage.

Every generalization about the institution of marriage in this day and age is problematic, for it's become an intensely individual decision. It's funny; the wedding business has boomed even as cynicism has made it impossible to enter into marriage with unembarrassed idealism - even if, at heart, that's what marriage demands. We all know the divorce rates, the difficulties, the many unhappy endings. Some will always claim we are not, by nature, monogamous (although, as an inherently monogamous person? I've always found the suggestion that I don't exist to be somewhat confusing.) And yet people still do it. Sure, not everyone's cut out for monogamy; it's also true that in free-love communities like Oneida and Johnstown, some would rebel and flee in order to pursue one-on-one relationships with people they were in love with. There are a lot of reasons a major portion of this country's been agitating for the right to marry that has nothing to do with taxes and hospital visits, and no one can look at the pictures of a couple of thirty years allowed to finally make it legal without feeling pretty sure that, whatever either Focus on the Family and various hoary revolutionaries might suggest, the institution's probably not going anywhere.

Defending Adultery [Utne]

Related:
Adultery And Other Half Revolutions: Towards A Post-Scarcity Economy Of Love [Briarpatch]
Cheating Is For Winners: Meet Shaindy.Com [Jewcy]
A Mistress Confesses: Why I Want To Sleep With Your Husband... And Why HE Wants To Sleep With Me! [Daily Mail]

• Playboy Enterprises has announced that their website is getting a conservative makeover to attract mainstream advertisers. • Broke consumers are eschewing traditional medicine in favor of vitamins in attempts to save a few bucks, the New York Times says. •  Researchers believe that sex could be the cheap new way to cure hay fever. • Aw: 45 people volunteered several nights ago in New Haven, VT, to help carry salamanders, newts, and frogs across the road during their annual migration. These so-called "bucket brigades" are common throughout the Northeast. •  Click here to see wax sculptures of Barack and Michelle Obama. • And if that doesn't creep you out, here is a video of a Japanese robot that has been programmed to mimic baby behaviors. •  A California man stabbed a woman in front of Toys 'R' Us, immediately laid down on the ground, and when confronted, claimed that "God made me do it." •  Indian men living in the U.S. are having a harder time finding brides willing to make the move to America since the economy has tanked. Many Indian women feel that it is safer to stay in India, where layoffs are not as widespread. •  Annoyed by Madonna's adoptions but unsure why? This article by Robin Givhan may help you figure it all out. •  Not everyone loves April Fool's pranks: the Taipei Times has received complains from the Taipei Zoo about their misleading "fake panda" story. •  Now that Obama has lifted the ban on stem cell research, scientists are looking for donations of excess embryos to help them find cures for debilitating conditions, such as Alzheimer's disease and Parkinson's. • Newsweek examines the gay love for Grey Gardens, and argues that gay icons may actually be kind of a bad thing. • Walgreens has pulled the "Chia Obama," saying that the presidential house plant is not appropriate for sale. • New data shows that Nebraska is the "happiest" state, financially, with Iowa close behind. •  And now for some truly terrible news: Researchers have identified a certain kind of yeast that can mutate rapidly, rendering anti-fungal medications ineffective. Ugh. •  Atomic games is working on a new video game based on the Iraq war, currently titled "Six Days in Fallujah." •  More than 1 in 10 Britons say they would cheat if they could get away with it, according to a recent survey. •  In India, soaps that focus on women's issues are gaining in popularity, especially those about "girl child issues." • 

On Friday night, James Harrison and his eldest daughter went looking for her mother, Angela. By tracking her through a GPS feature in her phone they found her with another man at a nearby convenience store, reports CBS News. Angela said she wasn't coming home and was leaving for the other man. The father and daughter got upset and returned to their mobile home in Graham, Washington.

After the children went to sleep, Harrison entered their bedrooms and shot them multiple times. Four died in their beds and one died in the bathroom after a struggle. "He wanted the kids dead," said Ed Troyer, spokesman for the Pierce County Sheriff. "It wasn't like he shot a few rounds. He shot several rounds."

He then returned to the area near the convenience store and shot himself with a rifle in his car. "We think he was going to go back to kill the wife," Troyer said. "He probably didn't find her and realized the gravity of what he'd done and shot himself."

The mother's aunt, Candy Johnson, said that Harrison was strict and controlling and didn't let Angela make decisions without asking him first. She added that Harrison impregnated Angela when she was 13. "My niece has been so controlled from the time she was young," she said.

Harrison was put on a parenting plan by child welfare officials in 2007 after a "minor assault" on one of the children. Ron Vorak, who lived across the street from the family, said, "He was always hollering at the kids. He seemed to be strict with them," according to the Associated Press.

The oldest daughter, Maxine, was in 10th grade at Orting High School. Jamie was in eighth grad and her sister Samatha was in sixth grade at Orting Middle School. Heather and James were in the second grade at Orting Primary school. "We're going to try to get through this the best we can given the circumstances," said Jeff Davis, Orting School District superintendent. "In a small community like this, we know these kids. Teachers know the kids. All the kids know the kids."

The children's mother was informed of the shootings and is being counseled by a chaplain.

Man Killed 5 Kids Because Wife Was Leaving [CBS News]
Police: Dad Killed 5 Kids Because Wife Was Leaving [AP]

Life & Style
Following her breakup with John Mayer, Jennifer Aniston is prepared to do the unthinkable: Become a single mom. Though the mag is not sure whether she'll conceive naturally, use artificial insemination, or adopt, Aniston obviously has babies on the brain because her new $15 million six-bedroom mansion "has more than enough room for a nursery." Next: Justin Timberlake supposedly ran into Britney's dad Jaime Spears on the golf course and told him he's nervous to ask Jessica Biel to marry him even though she's the one. Jaime told him to "put a ring on her finger," and JT said he's already got one picked out, according to an insider. By the way, Jessica and Justin's new apartment has three bedrooms, which the mag points out is "plenty of room for kids!" Kellan Lutz of Twilight explains Robert Pattinson's "hookup trick": "He lowers his head down and the girls love it!"
Grade: F (Band aid in your burger.)





Ok!
"I Will Never Remarry." The mag writes that Jennifer Aniston has "experienced a stark epiphany: No man can live up to her ex-husband, Brad Pitt." A source says that since "each time she dreams of having a devoted husband, babies, and that white picket fence, she is let down," Jen has resigned herself to a life of love affairs and single motherhood. Also, there's a two page story about how Jen has "found her soulmate" in her dog Norman. Moving on: Jaime Lynn Spears and Casey Aldridge are still living together with their baby Maddie, but an insider says JLS has called off their wedding. "Jaime Lynn has everything she wants and feels no need for a ring and a piece of paper," says the source. Also, she likes being a Southern mom and is never going back to Hollywood. Finally, in an interview OK! asks Gavin Rossdale if he and Gwen Stefani are planning to have another baby. "That would seem logical, but then again so would sleep!" says Rossdale, "But, you know the men aren't in control of that stuff."
Grade: D- (Expired hot dogs.)

Us
"He's The One!" This story is pretty much an excuse to print cute pictures of Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal, as there isn't really anything new to report on the engagement front. A Witherspoon insider says, "All of Reese's friends tell her they think he's The One." As for when Jake will pop the question, a pal says, "It's not a matter of if, but when. And when Jake asks, she will definitely say yes." Moving on: An insider says Jennifer Aniston's breakup with John Mayer wasn't mutual. "She would never have paraded him around like that if she didn't think what they had was real. She feels like he played her," says a source. Us has exclusive pictures from Natasha Bedingfield's wedding. Brandy attended the wedding, which was at the same place where Josh Duhamel and Fergie got married (but unlike their wedding, Bedingfield's wasn't fishing themed). Next: Us broke the LeAnn Rimes cheating story last week, and their follow up, "Why She Cheated," just makes it sound even more like a publicity stunt. When LeAnn and her husband Dean Sheremet were "caught" kissing by the paparazzi they were coming out of Whole Foods and had only purchased a banana and a bottle of water. A source says Eddie Cibrian "told his wife that this was a publicity stunt for the Lifetime movie." Finally, Michelle Obama "takes top honors" (if you can call it that) as Us celebrates 2009's best makeovers with 24 pages of filler.
Grade: D (Dieter's delight, a.k.a. cottage cheese on a bed of lettuce.)

In Touch
"The Breakup" Insiders say Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are constantly fighting because she's filming Salt and he's stuck taking care of the kids. "Brad gets tortured by the kids all day. They wrestle him and kick him and constantly harass him," says a source." Supposedly Salt insiders heard her saying during a phone call, "Will you please respect the fact that I am working right now? All you have to do today is watch the kids." Things are so bad Angie has banished Brad to the couch in their four bedroom suite at the Waldorf-Astoria. James Haven is staying with the family in New York and Angie has asked her brother to talk some sense into Brad. The mag dug up pictures of Angie looking uncomfortable with Brad for the requisite "maybe she's more into her brother than her husband" sidebar. (Fig. 1) In Touch asks: Has Tori Spelling taken her diet too far? Spelling's rep says she's the same size she was before giving birth, but the mag thinks her young, super-skinny 90210 co-stars "could be a bad influence." Paris Hilton's new boyfriend Doug Reinhardt says he wants to have a baby with her. "Paris would make a great mom - she's my Angel Princess," says Reinhardt. Nick Lachey and Vanessa innillo had a fight at a L.A. restaurant. Manillo stormed out right after their food was served and Lachey paid the check and had takeout boxes made up before he caught up with her outside. In Touch says plastic surgery has left Daryl Hannah "almost recognizable." Next: The mag is calling out LeAnn Rimes for probably fabricating her affair with co-star Eddie Cibrian. "It's fishy how very obvious she was about this," and insider says. In addition to the TV movie Northern Lights, Rimes has a new song and book coming out next month. "She wants to get back on the A list," says the insider. In an interview, the mag asks Matthew McConaughey if he has any regrets about past relationships now that he's married. He says, "You wouldn't be where you are if you didn't go through all the other things. It's an honor to be at an ex-girlfriend's wedding or to have them over to dinner. There's nothing goofy about that."
Grade: D+ (Week old Red Lobster doggie bag.)

Star
In a continuation of a story Star ran recently about Angelina Jolie catching Brad Pitt comforting their pretty nanny, "Don't Touch Me!" claims Angie's still mad so she's refusing to sleep with Brad. " A source says, "she knows it's torture for Brad, denying him that way. But she wants him to learn a lesson." She refuses to take a daily bath with Brad, which is apparently one of their "sexy traditions" and has banned him out of her bedroom. At least in Star's account, Brad gets his own room at the Waldorf-Astoria, instead of the couch. However, the mag says he's taken to "camping out with the kids in sleeping bags inside little tents in their rooms" at the hotel. Sean Penn and Natalie Portman were spotted making out at a hotel in Hollywood. An eyewitness claims he walked in on them making out behind some curtains on a terrace off the hotel bar. "When they saw me, they were startled and quickly composed themselves," he said. The hotel was hosting a party, and the eyewitness says once the room got crowded, Sean and Natalie took an elevator up to the private rooms and didn't come back for 45 minutes. After returning to the party, the two split up. "[Natalie] broke it off when she found out that Sean was still with his wife, Robin Wright Penn," says a source. Sean started flirting with another woman, who said "I don't do that! Your girl's upstairs, and your wife is at home. You're busy." The eyewitness says Sean chuckled and left. Moving on: Guy Ritchie is dating Elle Macpherson. A source says Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson are planning a June wedding. Blind item: "Which sweet starlet's apartment smells less than fresh? Neighbors say funny-smelling smoke surrounds her door on her days off. How's that for a bit of gossip?" In a possibly related story, Leighton Meester has asked everyone on her floor in her apartment building not to smoke because the smell comes under her door and she gets a sore throat if she's exposed. In "Starving For Attention" Star is hating on ladies for being too skinny. They suggest Gwyneth Paltrow eat a "big ol' piece of chocolate cake." (Fig. 2) A doctor who didn't treat Natasha Richardson says she probably could have been saved if she had taken her instructor's advice and let paramedics look at her head immediately. "The typical mortality rate from epidural hematoma is relatively low ... It needs to be taken care of right away," said Dr. John Knightly of the Concussion Center at Overlook Hospital in Summit, N.J. The mags all featured pictures of Richardson's grieving family at her funeral, but frankly, we couldn't handle pouring over pictures of her coffin being carried to her grave. In an exclusive, Star wonders why Jaime Lynn Spears and baby Maddie didn't accompany Casey Aldridge to Roosters Mud Jam, "a dirt-caked ATV event in Dehli, La." He and his friends were drinking heavily and there are photos of a blonde holding on to him as he drives his ATV into a muddy river. The woman, Brandin Walker, 25, is a married mother who says she was just innocently hanging out with Casey, and that her husband was at the event. Finally, in a story entitled "Jennifer is Jaime's Taco Belle" we learn that Jaime Kennedy "adores plumping [Jennifer Love Hewitt] up with yummy, calorie-packed eats!" Watch out JLH - it sound like Jaime is planning on eating you!

Grade: C (Soggy tortillas.)

Fig. 1



Fig. 2

We wrote about AshleyMadison.com last year, but since the site is open to wives and husbands looking to cheat on their spouse, we never thought to focus on the minority of women who use the site. Maybe it's because cheating wasn't invented back then. As anonymous adulteress "Deeana" explains in the clip at left, "before the internet people just struggled through their marriages."

Failures in this regard include Tom Jones, whose wife reportedly "beat him 'black and blue' after learning about one of [his] affairs" (sounds like she'd benefit from Sadie's recent post on women hitting men). But according to Usbourne, trust helps Vanessa Paradis and Johnny Depp deal with the the army of sex-starved harpies who constantly "mob" him. "I understand," Paradis sweetly says, "I want to mob him all the time. He's a very charming person." Usbourne also quotes Paul Newman, who nixed extramarital dalliances with the famous line, "why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home?" Comparing Joanne Woodward to meat? Not that awesome. But championing fidelity, even in the face of a male celebrity's supposedly irresistible onslaught of ladyflesh — that we can get behind. [Independent]

Ok!
"The Truth About which Stars Are Really Pregnant"
The mag claims that Angelina Jolie has been taking prenatal vitamins and trying to cut out junk food, so clearly she is trying to get pregnant. And! Angie and Brad are adopting an African orphan from an unspecified country. Katie Holmes is knocked up, and has told close friends, but is waiting until she is farther along to make an announcement. Yet there are "signals" that she is pregnant, for instance: she "looked happy" at the Japanese Valkyrie premiere, had hair extensions and her face looked fuller. Also, she had a slice of cheese pizza with Suri last week. As for Jennifer Aniston — she and John Mayer have split for now, but "that's not dashing her baby dreams." According to a 2005 article, she said "I never said I didn't want to have children. I did and I do and I will." Seriously, this quote qualified her to be a part of this cover story. Lastly, "Don't believe rumors that Prince William and Kate Middleton are engaged." Since the Prince just started Royal Airforce training, there's no way a royal wedding could be planned.
Grade: F (fetal pig)

Life & Style
"Twilight's Hot Hookups: Back On!"
This story has lots of pictures, no hookups. Although Kristen Stewart does say: "The chemistry between artists is difficult to define. But in my case, when I looked at Robert, it was like I could look into his heart. And he could do the same to me. And that's very important." Which seems like an old quote, no? Plus there's a pixelated image of Pattinson's GQ cover. Moving on: The story called "Jen and John: It's Over!" seems to be based solely on deconstructing John Mayer's Twitters. For instance, the one which says: "There is nothing better in this world than the act of falling asleep while playing the guitar perched on your chest. Amp off. G'night" clearly means that he "just wasn't that into" Jennifer Aniston. Next, Nicole Scherzinger claims that performing helped her shed pounds, but there is literally no difference between the "before" and "after" pictures: She is freaking thin in both (Fig 1). A spread called "Everyone's Affected By The Recession" mentions that Alex McCord from Real Housewives lost her job; Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Victoria Beckham each wore the same dress twice and Kevin Bacon flew coach. Lastly, there are six pages of "Wedding Gowns With Personality," which are actually just white designer dresses, if you're into that.
Grade: F+ (frog)

In Touch
"How She Lost 10 Lbs In 2 Weeks"
Dr. Fred Pescatore, author of The Hamptons Diet, who does not treat Jessica Simpson, says: "Her stomach and legs look much thinner." The mag claims this is due to making "smart choices" in the last two weeks when it comes to diet and exercise. At no point to they quote Jessica or anyone currently helping her, though they do talk to her trainer from the 2005 film Dukes Of Hazzard and a person who attended her concert on March 13, who says, "Her legs looked a lot thinner and more toned." Moving on: Is Mandy Moore knocked up? A source says she wed Ryan Adams in a "shotgun" wedding because she is pregnant, although it is very early on. (Mandy's rep says she is not pregnant.) Next: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes spent an estimated $50,000 for their appearance at the Japanese Valkyrie premiere. That includes $30,000 on dental veneers; $3,000 hair extensions; $1,500 on makeup — for Tom — and $10,000 on spa treatments for Katie. Also inside. An insider tells the mag "Britney is still very self-conscious about her body and appearance." This is illustrated with six pictures of Brit in a bikini with captions critiquing her physique. A celebrity trainer and nutritionist, Jay Cardiello, who does not work with Britney, says things like, "She looks out of shape, bloated, and about 150 lbs." A story titled "Robert Thinks He's Ugly" is based on DVD commentary from Twilight star Robert Pattinson, who apparently says things like, "Sometimes I think I look as if I've had facial reconstructive surgery. After burns or something. My whole head looks like it's had a face lift. A really bad one!" He also says he has a "butt chin." There's more, but you get the point. "How Brad Came Between John & Jen" says that "Jen spent most of the evening talking about Brad. It got on John's nerves. He said it was bordering on obsessive." Plus, on Oscar night, John pulled a photographer and said, "Get ready, I'm about to pay for your kids' college." Then he pulled and unsuspecting Jen over and started hamming it up for the cameras, kissing her on the temple and stuff. Don't you want to throw up all over him? The best spread in this issue is "Inspired by C3P0" (Fig. 2). With the sidebar, "Copying Chewbacca Can Get A Little Hairy." Lastly, in an interview with Julia Roberts, she says, "People get wildly famous, and they get incredibly slim. It never happened to me, not matter how hard I tried."
Grade: D- (fish)

Star
"$10 Million Tell-All"
John Mayer has been telling friends that he is thinking of going public with all of Jennifer Aniston's juicy secrets. A pal says: He's been keeping notes in his daily journal since the moment they met, and he knows he could make millions of dollars. For instance: Jen called John Brad in bed, which freaked John out, and he told her, "I can't compete with the sexiest man alive." Jen does yoga or Pilates for four hours a day and John thinks she is obsessed with exercising. She likes to watch hours and hours of reality TV, which isn't really a "juicy" secret. Jen is really aggressive in bed and likes to do role-playing stuff. She dressed up for him a few times and agreed to have sex in unconventional places once or twice. John has lots of pictures of Jen in Mexico smoking and drinking — "and she doesn't look like the girl next door." And: John told friends he liked to photograph Jen while she was sleeping. A source says she was wearing next-to-nothing, had no makeup on, and her hair was a wreck — not the kind of thing she would want to get out. Moving on: "Knifestyles Of The Rich& Famous" Details Gwyneth Paltrow's nose job (Fig. 3). Did she also used to have brown eyes? Anyway, a doctor who doesn't treat her thinks some cartilage was removed. When it's subtle, you know it was a good surgeon! An insider says Prince William "popped the question" to Kate Middleton during a romantic getaway. Blind item: "Which rehab grad has given up trying to hide her off-the-wagon status? She knocked back vodka at LA's Bardot and a few days later followed her partying with a drive." Kristen Stewart is sick and tired of all the attention Robert Pattinson gets: "Except for filming together and mandatory work functions, Kristen refuses to be in the same room with Rob." Katie Holmes must be pregnant, because at the Japanese premiere of Valkyrie she had hair extensions, she was glowing and she wore a loose dress that "accented a slight bulge in her belly." Plus: "At one point," an insider tells Star, "she glanced at her stomach and smiled shyly." Oh dear: "Rihanna & Chris Sex Tapes!" Exclamation point the mag's, not ours. An insider says: "They've had tons of crazy nights in bed, and Chris has recorded many of them." Apparently Rihanna likes dressing up as a dominatrix, and role-playing. Next, Nicole Richie is telling friends she is having twins and hoping that they are boys. In a reversal, there's a piece called "Incredible Shrinking Dudes," with Benji Madden, Vince Vaughn, Seth Rogen and Josh Gracin — usually the mag picks on the ladies' bodies! Lastly: "Step Stars: They're not bio babies, but these celebs treat their partners' kids like their very own flesh and blood. All together now: Aww!"
Grade: C- (earthworm)

Us
"Caught In An Affair."
In an amazing feat of reporting, the mag has security cam stills of LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian making out over dinner. Cibrian you may know from Third Watch, or as a guest star on Dirty Sexy Money, Samantha Who, or Ugly Betty. A restaurant staffer says: "I saw them holding hands across the table during the entire meal, laughing and kissing. They kept blowing out the candle on the table and making out over it." Cibrian is married to a model and has two kids; they were wed in 2001. Rimes was married in 2002 at the age of 19. The two met on the set of a cable movie Northern Lights. There are also pictures of Rimes driving to a hotel, having a friend go in and book a room. The friend comes out and gives her the key; then she goes inside. Cibrian shows up; then he leaves four hours later. A friend says Rimes and her husband are "more like best friends. You don't feel any sexual heat." And! Rimes was seen carrying a book titled For Better Or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered. Moving on: Britney rejected a $3 million dollar book deal. She "summoned" publishing honchos to discuss writing her autobiography, but was "unkempt" and "out of it" at the meetings and turned the offers down because she was hoping for $8 million, like Hillary Clinton got. The Jen/John split story in this mag is kind of Choose Your Own Adventure-ish; they supply various reasons, you pick whichever you like: "It was amicable, they both wanted different things." or: "John does want to get married and have kid, just not right now" or: "It never seemed that serious. I think she liked dating a younger guy" or "Her friends suspected he was using her for press" or: "The whole thing is a publicity stunt they're both in on" or: "She's always either all the way hot or all the way cold. But that doesn't mean it won't be on again tomorrow."
Grade: C (owl pellet)

Fig. 1

Fig. 2

Fig. 3

Kallir and Cosimini had their second marriage profiled in the New York Times vows section on Sunday, and even though back then Cosimini had taken a job without consulting his wife, and "her complaints made him angry and uncommunicative," the couple managed to patch things up.

I bring this up specifically because the comments to a recent post about cheating that Sadie wrote were so unilaterally harsh. Almost all of the commenters thought cheating, even once, is an unforgivable, Bobbit-worthy offense. I've never dealt with this personally, but the reaction seemed to ignore the fact that in any longterm relationship, there are vast swaths of gray.

Kallir says that the relationship's initial demise wasn't entirely her husband's fault. She admits to being guilty of “poor communication and negligence,” and though she was "scared of getting back in a relationship with someone who had hurt me that deeply," eventually she could not deny that she still felt that he was her emotional spouse. Is she deluded? Or has their relationship evolved?

For what it's worth, Kallir says the second wedding was infinitely better than the first:

Maybe we didn’t altogether know why we were getting married. It just seemed like the thing to do. But this time it’s really a meaningful expression of something. It’s really a kind of triumphant celebration of all that we’ve been through and what we mean to one another.

Jane Kallir And Gary Cosimini [NY Times]

Earlier: Telling You He's Cheated: Reasons Pro And Con

In their enduring quest to provide an arbitrary 10 answers for any question (and there are generally only about five), AskMen has presented the world with "Top 10: Reasons Not To Tell Her You’ve Cheated" and, correspondingly, the Top 10 reasons to come clean. (Which, I guess, frees the site from flagrant emotional irresponsibility?) They're about what you'd expect, a mix of the obvious, the self-justifying and the same-thing-differently-worded-to-make-10-answers.

Pro honesty rationales include: guilt/paranoia will kill you; she'll hear it somewhere else; and (oddly at #2) "it's the right thing to do." The "Don't Tell" list is a combination of self-righteous (it would only hurt her; it's "selfish" to tell; it meant nothing) and the self-serving (she'll leave you; she may be cheating too!; she won't find out.)

But there is really only one answer: where sex has taken place, nowadays, secrecy is not an option. Whatever the emotional rationale for concealing such a mistake, health consequences render the debate moot — or should. But grown up life is disappointingly messy and I'd be lying if I said that was my first thought when I got The Confession — not least because I'd never had to consider that stuff before. I remember when my friend asked me if I was sorry to have been told, my response: "No, I'm sorry he did it in the first place!" I mean, as long as it had happened I'd rather have known, and I'd rather have known a lot sooner. Strange as it sounds, while ignorance may have been bliss, retroactively the period of obliviousness felt like the worst part. In some ways unburdening oneself is selfish; but so is keeping a partner in the dark and not arming them with the facts of a situation, emotional and otherwise. (Although, given that that's only maybe four arguments, we should probably defer to AskMen.)

Top 10: Reasons Not To Tell Her You’ve Cheated [AskMen]