Weiss writes:

Sitting in Schiller’s, I…suggested that we could change sexual norms to, say, encourage New York waitresses to look on being mistresses as a cool option. “That’s fringe,” my friend said dismissively. Wives weren’t going to allow it, and we men grant them a lot of power; they’re all as dominant as Yoko Ono. “Look, we’re the weaker animal,” he said. “They commandeer the situation.” He and I love our wives and depend on them. In each of our cases, they make our homes, manage our social calendar, bind up our wounds and finish our thoughts, and are stitched into our extended families more intimately than we are. They seem emotionally better equipped than we are. If my marriage broke up, my wife could easily move in with a sister. I’d be as lost as plankton.

Despite his potentially-wandering weiner, Weiss stays with his wife. Why? Because he's weak? Because she plans his vacations and deals with his mother? Perhaps I'm naive, but I'd like to think that most men stay with their wives because they have things in common with them; because they appreciate their human qualities. Not because their wives are their jail house wardens, keeping their free-floating sexuality under heavy lock and key. I don't have some romantic view of marriage: I don't think it will satisfy every urge and create a state of ecstasy populated by unicorns and sunflowers. But Weiss's description of his wife's role in his life is so ultimately mercenary.

I think some people will read this article and think all men feel the way Weiss does. As previously established, women think about fucking other people, too. I'm even willing to grant him the biology — that men are more tormented by their sex drives than women are. But even if that's the case, marriage is about compromise. And if the agreement you've made is to be faithful, then you need to compromise your desire to fuck other people. I'm sure Weiss's wife is currently compromising her desire to punch him directly in the nuts.

The Affairs Of Men [New York Magazine]

Earlier:Chronic Male Horniness Is Not An Excuse For, Well, Anything

And why did he think he'd be the one to ruin the marriage? "As a travel writer, I live an easy, pampered life. And like many without real cares, I am not unfamiliar with the urge to drive the happy bus off the side of the mountain just to see what happens," Sachs writes. "Complicating this is that disease of the brain called chronic male horniness. I used to tell people that the world will never seem more teeming with beautiful, fascinating, fuckable people than on the sunny afternoon when you walk to the post office carrying a box full of your wedding invitations."

My problem with that statement is not that he thought about fucking other people — everyone with a pulse, regardless of how much in love they are, thinks about fucking other people — it's that he attributes it to chronic male horniness, as if women couldn't possibly understand what it's like to lust after strangers. The John's reasoning is identical to Sachs's. Even fucking Marilyn Monroe gets boring, he exclaims. Well you know what, Adam, getting boned by George Clooney probably loses its luster after a couple of years, too! The fact that I even need to point out that all humans, regardless of gender, have biological urges is completely ridiculous, but I guess I'm going to have to keep doing it until men take intellectual responsibility for their wandering Johnsons.

Divorce: The Ultimate Aphrodisiac [Men.Style.Com]
I've Seen Every Kind Of Hooker Going [Letters From Johns]

*(This is not a criticism, people.)

Left: October 5, 2006. Right: November 7, 2006.

Left: November 17, 2006. Right, April 24, 2007.

Left: September 9, 2007. Right, December 1, 2007.

Left: December 4, 2007. Right: February 25, 2007.

Left: March 11, 2008. Right: March 12, 2008.

(Images via Getty)

But by all accounts, Silda and Eliot had a decent marriage before the deluge. Newsweek offers some alternative theories. Susannah Breslin, a writer who is soliciting "Letters from Johns" on an eponymous website writes about some of the letters she received, and most of the prostitute-frequenting married men she's talked to went to hookers because their wives no longer had sex with them or because they got their rocks off on the taboo of it all. "For some men, especially those who are seen as particularly moral or righteous in their public lives (think of all those fallen preachers)," Breslin notes, "Part of the appeal is the fact that it is illegal and a moral transgression in their eyes."

It could be an honest-to-goodness kink, or maybe it's Spitzer's biology! According to Newsweek, men who cheat are "sensation seekers" who have "lower levels of monoamine oxidase A," the chemical that regulates dopamine, the "pleasure" neurotransmitter. Also, the kind of person who is a politician is often incredibly egocentric. Says University of Washington political scientist John Gastil: "For high-profile offices... you have to have a kind of personality where you are very interested in yourself and your personal needs, as well as the needs of others... When the gratification of your desire for social change becomes the justification for so much of what you do in your career, it's not a leap to then say, 'Well, my other desires and needs are equally justified.' You come up with elaborate justifications. 'Hey, 23 hours day I'm working hard for the people of New York. Time for a little me time!'"

And Spitzer will have a ton of "me" time now that he's resigned. The oft-heard moral of this story — to me, at least — is be wary of anyone who goes around crowing about how moral and ethical they are. If Spitzer hadn't claimed to be such a paragon of virtue, the people of New York would probably be more forgiving. Look at former Providence mayor Buddy Cianci or former D.C. mayor Marion Barry. Both left office "disgraced" but returned after a couple years. People forgave them because they never expected them to be particularly moral in the first place. If Spitzer had been honest with himself about his true moral fiber, maybe we wouldn't have seen poor Silda's destroyed visage on our television screens yesterday. She — and we — would have known better.

Dear John [Newsweek]
His Cheating Brain [Newsweek]

Earlier: Enough About Eliot. What About The Hookers?

Standing by her husband's side during his press conference was her decision to make, and probably a tough one. But was it the right one? How would you deal with a life-shattering betrayal — when everyone is watching?

Silda (named after a Teutonic goddess) grew up in Concord, NC, attended Meredith, women's college in Raleigh, and went from there to Harvard Law. She met — and married — a fellow Harvard student named Peter Stamos; the marriage lasted 29 days. Later she joined prestigious NYC law firm Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom, billing 3,300 hours a year — more than nine hours a day, including weekends. She married Spitzer in 1987 and put her career on hold in 1994. They had two children by then (they currently have three daughters, 17, 15 and 13), which impacted her decision: "I felt very conflicted and emotional about leaving my job," she told Vogue last year. "It was not something I wanted to do, but I have never once doubted that it was the right decision for us. You don't want to give up your dreams, but you also have to confront the reality of your life. Ultimately, it was more important for me to have my family work."

Somewhere along the way, her focus shifted from career achievement to domestic accomplishment. Add that to standing next to her husband as he admits a breach of trust and you've got a recipe that leaves a bad taste in the mouths of many women. Writers from the L.A. Times interviewed females from different cities, and of different ages and walks of life. The reaction is the same: Women are ashamed of Silda. "I find it nauseating . . . phony and awful," Leah Schanzer, 38, tells the paper. Her friend Leslie Heller, 47, agrees. "It makes it seem like she's Susie Homemaker. She shouldn't be standing there, next to him." Says Linda Walters, 61: "She should've said, 'This is your fight. This is your battle. You stand there and get yourself out of it.'" "I'd have paraded in front of the microphone with a knife," says Cassandra Horton, 43.

Should a woman who has given up her career for her family stand by that family — including her husband — no matter what? It might make Silda look bad to face the press while holding her husband's hand, but would it look worse if she didn't? Is there bravery in standing by your man, as it were? Or, should Silda, as Dina Matos McGreevy — whose husband announced he was a "Gay American" — writes in today's New York Times, have made the decision to stand by herself and let the man in question face the cameras on his own?

NY First Lady's Charmed Life Slips Away [Breitbart]
Silda Spitzer, The Wife Who Gave Up Career To Back Politics And Ambition [Times]
Stand By Yourself [New York Times]
Gov.'s Wife: Brainy, Beautiful, Betrayed [CBS News]
Wife Puts Troubling Face On The Spitzer Scandal [L.A. Times]
Stay With Shpritzer, Smart Lady [NY Post]

Related: Poll: Would You Have Approved If Silda Spitzer Had Punched Eliot When They Were On That Stage? [Say Anything]

Why Wives Stand By Scandal-Stained Husbands [MSNBC]

Earlier: Dr. Laura Blames Whiny Women, "Defends" Her Soldier Son

Earlier: Would You Rather Have A Baby Or Herpes?

Beyond the run-of-the-mill cyberstalking, drunk dialing, and boning of the ex-bf's friends (a particular fave 'round these parts), one Jezebel "briefly had a blog on which I would take note of changes in his MySpace profile and speculate as to which of his newly-added female friends he was doing. Also I would send him text messages along the lines of 'I want to shit in your eye.'" Oooh, clever, and cached for eternity!

Anna asks, "Does publishing an entire book on breakups count as psycho? I. WAS. PISSED." Not psycho! I've found that writing about break-ups is the best revenge!

Another Gawker media blogger says, "I spray-painted SLUT on a dude's dorm room door once after I found out he was hooking up with both me and this girl in my creative class who I hated." Oooh, effective and hard to get rid of!

In fact, even being called psycho (or "crazy" or "dramatic") in the first place is often just a way for guys to marginalize what they perceive as messy female emotions. Yale social psychologist Victoria Brescoll, in an article about male vs. female tears, puts it this way: "When men express anger they gain status, but when women express anger they lose status." So the next time you're disrespected, don't be afraid to fight unfair notions of lady hysteria and unleash the beast.

Related: Herpes Avenger Is Fighting STDs With Fliers [Gawker]
Dating Diaries: Becoming That Girl [Marie Claire]
Hell Hath No Fury: Women's Letters From The End Of The Affair [Amazon]
Modern Love: Me? I'm Just Fine (Whimper). Really (Sob). [NY Times]

Earlier: Boys Who Use The Word Drama: An Investigation

People still wonder why Monica Lewinsky was a big deal — after all, the current president's wife, whom he met when he officiated at her first wedding, spent most of 2005 living in New York with her lover.

It sort of reminds us of a quote from our favorite cougar, Maude from Harold and Maude:

Vice, Virtue. It's best not to be too moral. You cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality. If you apply that to life, then you're bound to live life fully.

I'm Cheating On My Husband And Loving It. Is That A Problem? [Salon]
History of Single Life: Infidelity [Nerve]

Um, EARTH TO HUMANS: the people who write scripts in which women act that way are generally MEN. Specifically, men trying to justify to themselves cheating on their wives by saying "women are as bad as men" but newsflash guys we're not. Most women who get involved with married men have kind of the opposite problem. Me, I'd just been fired from a job and hadn't had a boyfriend in approximately three decades and so it was part of a "my life is destined to suck" phase I was going through. And although I was grateful for his friendship, I realized when I found a single boyfriend that I had actually fooled myself into thinking no one would ever want me as primary care provider. No seriously, that's how women can be stupid. Anyway, so we're all equally stupid, which is why I need to remind you now: don't fuck around with someone who is married and married people, seriously, hello, maybe try therapy first.

And finally, if you're reading, I am truly, really, genuinely sorry.

Why Do We Always Blame The Other Woman When Men Have The Affair? [Daily Mail]

The results are broken down into four groups. Here's how the Mirror lists them:

CHEAT IN WAITING
You may think it's all just harmless flirting but because you rely on sexual attention to feel good it only takes a rough patch to send you into the arms of another. Wake up to your cheating potential now, and accept that true self-esteem always comes from within.

DITHERER
You grew up desperate for security, so you won't risk losing your relationship. But you wonder if you should have someone else waiting in the wings. When men pay you attention, you're scared of rejecting them so you're liable to give out mixed sexual signals, then panic when they expect more from you. Face up to the games you're playing - and put your trust back into your real relationship.

QUEEN OF DENIAL
You're unhappy in your relationship yet you won't even look at another man in case you're tempted to stray. Being this closed down suggests that your self-confidence has taken a real battering and you're prepared to put up and shut up rather than leave. And if that sounds way too risky consider pursuing a friendship with the other man - that alone may show you that there's an alternative out there.

FAITHFUL.. NEARLY
Everyone has the potential to start an affair, but you're nowhere near it at the moment. You're happy in your relationship and sexually confident enough to enjoy a harmless spot of flirtation with other men occasionally. When problems do arise you talk about them, and you would never expect a man to be the answer to everything.

Our results:
Anna : Faithful...Nearly
Dodai: The Ditherer
Moe: Faithful...Nearly (For the most part. She admits to being all over the map.)
Tracie: 50/50 split between Faithful...Nearly and Cheat in Waiting
Jennifer: Faithful...Nearly

Obviously, such a quiz shouldn't be taken to heart, since answering eight questions about yourself with answers that don't even necessarily reflect how you feel could never truly be that enlightening. But you know, we never met a silly British quiz we didn't take.

How Likely Are You To Cheat? [Mirror]