• Lindsay Lohan accidentally ruined a cake at a Victoria's Secret party, as she thought the cake was actually a giant perfume bottle. "She accidentally poked a hole right in the middle of it." says a source. Team Pie shenanigans! [PageSix]

• Meanwhile, Michael Lohan is furious that the judge at Lindsay's recent probation hearing didn't order his daughter to go to rehab: "She needs to put my daughter in rehab," Lohan says, "How could that judge have let her just walk in to court and walk right back out? The least they could have done was give her a drug test at the door." [RadarOnline]
• Dina Lohan however, just used her Oh Snap Flowchart on Michael, releasing this statement: "Michael Lohan needs to focus on being a parent, paying child support, of which he is six months behind, and making up for all the years he was an absentee dad," Dina says, "And stop going on national television talking about his children publicly."
  Lindsay, meanwhile, is reportedly considering taking a restraining order out against her father. [People]
• Mickey Rourke allegedly is "fascinated with the Mafia" and once "created his own crew in a "male-bonding ceremony" in Los Angeles with 13 friends who swore allegiance to one another." [PageSix]
• Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper were spotted together in Vancouver, and according to DJ Leanne who dined at the same restaurant as the couple, ""Renée was very happy. She was laughing, smiling. They were very cute. They were definitely having a good time and seemed happy." [People]
• Stephanie Santoro, former nanny to the Gosselins (who also claims she hooked up with Jon), says that the Gosselin kids love filming Jon and Kate Plus 8, and that Jon Gosselin is on a monstrous power trip right now. All he does want out of everything is control. He wants to be in control of everything in his life," she said, "including Kate." [LATimes]
• "I was pretty upset. I don't like to think of him sitting in a prison cell. But I wouldn't comment upon it because it's a very complicated issue, you know? It seems odd. He's been living in Switzerland for years and I've visited him there, so this is all very strange."- Ewan McGregor on Roman Polanski [LATimes]
• Kiera Knightley, Amy Winehouse, and Nicole Kidman all all being considered to play Dusty Springfield in an upcoming biopic. [DailyExpress]
• "I don't see it as being from a misogynistic point of view. On the contrary, I don't find any hatred there. For me, the woman character was him. I felt I was playing him. The vulnerability of that woman is Lars."-Charlotte Gainsbourg on her role in the controversial film, Antichrist. [LATimes]
• "It's funny, because I haven't had one ounce of Botox or any of that. I finally got gray hairs in the past couple years, and I wore it on ER, but they made me cover it up in this show. I don't want to be one of those weird-looking guys who gets old but stays looking young."-John Stamos on his youthful appearance [TheAdvocate]
• "I'm old. It's an interesting thing to watch yourself grow older on screen. I was watching Up In The Air and I thought, 'Jesus, who's the old gray-haired guy?' And it was me. I never wear makeup for movies and now it's starting to show."- George Clooney [Telegraph]
• Busta Rhymes has been ordered to pay $75,000 to a man he assaulted in 2003. [UPI]
• Jermaine Jackson's ex-wife, Alejandra Jackson, claims that Jermaine owes $35,550 in court-ordered child support. [TMZ]
• Kim Kardashian's was robbed last night; the robber made off with several pieces of jewelry, including a Cartier watch. [TheSun]
• Megan Fox was crowned "Best Sci-Fi Actress" at the Spike TV Scream Awards last night. [DailyMail]
• "Most of my humor is how totally ridiculous I am. I can find endlessly funny things about me or our life. The grand statement followed upon stepping in the pile of poo."- Ted Danson [LATimes]
• Real Housewives' star Bethenny Frankel is engaged to boyfriend Jason Hoppy. "It feels great, because I'm with the right person," Frankel says. [People]
• Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are rolling their eyes at this right now, according to a source who says the pair "never used to pay attention to what was being written about them in the media but in recent weeks, they've become fascinated by it. They're obsessed with Googling themselves to find out what the bloggers and fans are saying about them. They find all the rumors hilarious!" [ShowbizSpy]
• Madonna is currently being sued by neighbors in her Central Park apartment building, who claim Madonna is using the space to rehearse and subjecting them all to "blaring music, stomping and shaking walls," for three hours a day. [Mirror]
• Are Madonna and Guy Richie getting back together? A source says maybe possibly who knows: "The pair of them have huge egos so, rather than speaking directly to one another, they are using friends to relay information. The truth is both Guy and Madonna are becoming more and more open in their admissions that in many ways they regret getting divorced." [ShowbizSpy]
• "When I'm singing in the studio, I have an image in my mind of sitting at a table with somebody and they're sitting right across from me and I'm telling them something," he says. "There's a lot of music and a lot of people out there who can tell you how they feel, but if you can tell somebody how they feel and they didn't realize it until you told them, then you've got something." -Tim McGraw [WashingtonPost]
• Hugh Jackman's people are reportedly pushing the actor to turn down a second stint hosting the Oscars, as "he's a movie star, not a song and dance man." [DeadlineHollywood]
• Sting's wife, Trudie Styler calls him "Pookie," because, as Sting explains, "Pookie means magic mushroom. It's because we used to take so many when we were younger." [TheSun]

10:17am: I am stuck in traffic behind a broken down bus! This cabbie is an asshole. I might have to get out and run. [Ed note: The movie is supposed to start at 10:15]

10:37: Two cabs and one subway trip later. I'm finally here! It took me an hour to travel maybe three miles. I already hate this movie.

10:40: These are the shoes I chose to wear. Thank friggin god I didn't wear heels as a joke.

10:41: Big just proposed to Carrie. Kinda.
10:45: This theater is packed and everyone is laughing at the stupid jokes. Although Samantha told Carrie she should get Botox.

10:48: Carrie still has that stupid pink crystal-y phone. Except it's taped together which is a nice touch. She just asked Samantha to be her maid of honor.

10:49: All Charlotte does is scream.

10:50: LOL! Carrie's boss talked her into doing the bride at 40 piece by saying "Vogue airbrushing".

10:52: The wedding photo shoot scene. The Dior dress looks like frothy diarrhea. Vivienne Westwood personally sent Carrie a dress for free.

10:55: Haha. Carrie is becoming far-sighted but won't get glasses. Also Chris Noth: Fake tan much?
10:56: Carrie does research for her new book (about love) at the library.

10:59: Carrie won't tell her friends how often she and Big fuck!

11:02: Also, she calls him "John" now.

11:03: OMG, Big built Carrie a closet just like Mariah Carey's. It looks like a store.

11:04: Charlotte just screamed again. And again.

11:05: I'm cringing. They are trying on outfits to "Walk This Way".

11:07: The Miranda/Steve storyline is actually really good. He just admitted to cheating on her and the old lady in the wheelchair behind me just yelled "Hit him! Hit him!" I'm gonna try to get a picture of her.

11:14: Miranda is like a total bitch.

11:24: Big just jilted her! Because she wouldn't answer the phone in the morning. Seriously, all these people are such babies! who wants to put up with this bullshit? Now Charlotte is screaming at Big. Kristin Davis' throat must've been so sore.

11:28: "Okay so he didn't really jilt her. He freaked for a second, then turned around and went back but Carrie was already embarrassed and then she hit him. The whole thing could've been avoided. Kind of like this movie!

11:31: The reason why the honeymoon was in Mexico is because Carrie paid for it as a surprise.

11:32: Carrie is now in a deep depression in Mexico She's been sleeping and not eating. Speaking of, I'm gonna step out to the concession stand for some breakfast.

11:34: Hahahaha! They actually showed Miranda's thick bush.

11:43: Breakfast!

11:44: Somehow Carrie got her apartment back. I missed that when I was buying my breakfast.

11:47: I guess I also missed the part about how Carrie can afford Jennifer Hudson.

11:50: It really pisses me off that Carrie isn't computer literate. Her assistant does her email for her while she flips through magazines on her couch.

11:55: Carrie died her hair dark brown and changed her phone number and is complaining about having a different area code. [The Lifestyles Of The Rich And First World! -Ed.]

11:57: Samantha adopted a dog because its a girl who loves to hump and she felt a connection.

11:58: Jennifer Hudson deserves a Razzie for this. She sucks.

12:00 Oh! I forgot to mention that Charlotte shit her pants in Mexico. Literally.

12:02: Carrie bought her assistant a Louis Vuitton bag for Christmas. Carrie is a retard.

12:08: Okay, finally a Carrie outfit I like. Pajamas, boots, fur coat, stupid hat. That's what I call "walking the dog" attire.

12:10: This sad people on New Year's Eve montage is way too long.

12:16: Carrie finally realized that she is a self-obsessed narcissist! And that she uses "I" too much.

12:29: One therapy session and Miranda and Steve are back together. Also, Miranda is the only one to show her tits.

12:32: Samantha has gained like 5 lbs and everyone noticed. What bitches.

12:33: Samantha and Smith just had the most civilized breakup after 5 years.

12:35: I just checked carriebradshaw.com and she wrote a book called MENhattan? Barf.
12:37: Also, Charlotte's little girls are named Lily and Rose. Barf x2.
12:41: Interesting. Carrie always wears a bra to bed, but in this frantic city scene she is running through the streets without one.
12:46: People are actually crying in this theater because Big proposed a second time with a Manolo!

12:51: Last line: "And there they were, four friends who had met as girls and were now women ready to enter the next phase of their lives, dressed head to toe in love. And that's one label that never goes out of style." LOL.

This is the violent wheelchair lady.

This is the next showing lining up. So many mothers and daughters.

Yeah, I'm sure they share their sexual liberation together.

12:59: As I was walking out of the theater a middle aged woman working there asked me if the movie was any good and I made the "so-so" sign with my hand and then she goes, "Yeah, I figured. I never liked that show. I'm a Will & Grace fan myself."