We learned so much from the Sony hack, so many things that we might have already known: that Channing Tatum sends emails, that Aaron Sorkin is an awful human being, and that in-demand actresses still get paid less than their male co-stars.

This has just been a year of bad news, hasn't it? Adding to the pile of shitty things that probably happened but are actually pretty minor in the grand scheme of things is the fact that Charlize Theron has allegedly said yes to a proposal from noted awful person Sean Penn.

In an interview with Women's Wear Daily promoting Dior's J'adore perfume, Charlize Theron took a moment to discuss why it's so insane that youths in our society are considered so beautiful: they don't know anything!

Caption this: Sean Penn and Charlize Theron attend the Christian Dior show during Paris Fashion Week.

Well! Here's one way to re-tell a fairy-tale: Ditch the young female protagonist altogether.

LONDON, ENGLAND - MAY 27: Charlize Theron attends a photocall to promote 'A Million Ways To Die In The West' on May 27, 2014 in London, England. (Photo by Anthony Harvey/Getty Images)

The impossibly beautiful and talented Charlize Theron, who probably poops organic whipped cream, has what many would consider a perfect life. Even — gasp! — without a husband.

The internet is rife with opportunities to take your dick out and swing it around on forums where users don't have to post under their real names. Unfortunately, if you're a public official taking advantage of the internet's illusion of anonymity to commit some major ethical faux pas, it doesn't take many carelessly…

Earlier today, President Obama delivered a fitting speech at the funeral of Nelson Mandela in Soweto, South Africa. Obama drew on the activist’s struggle against apartheid and his fight for social justice, saying that Mandela’s work made his own political career as America’s first black president possible.

In honor of husband Nick Cannon's birthday, Mariah Carey tweeted a picture of her lingerie-clad breasts to her 13 million Twitter followers. Get it, MiMi! The tweet states that Mariah Carey is waiting for Nick Cannon, presumably to have sex with him? I don't know. The New Girl was on.

Zooey Deschanel, who I often forget is pretty cool, spoke truthy words about how horrible the Internet can be in this month's Marie Claire. (After all, noted Zooey Deschanel 1.0 Mary Louise Parker quit over it.)

Last night at the 24th Annual GLAAD Media Awards in Los Angeles, celebrities donned their gay apparel in order to celebrate outstanding images of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community in the media. This involved ensembles in blah black, weird green camouflage, and acidic citrus yellow.

Karma isn't real. Proof: Diddy created Danity Kane (never forget) and now he is being rewarded. He and Kate Upton have apparently been dating since late March, when the 20-year-old joined him in the VIP room of a club in Miami so they could smash their mouths together.

Um, right? If there are any too-soon-ologists reading this, could you please weigh in? Ryan Gosling may have been cast to play Oscar Pistorius in a true-crime biopic about the runner. Charlize Theron would reportedly be playing Pistorius's murdered girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp. Who is a real person. Who was brutally…

I mean, how hard is it to catch a flight? This is a rhetorical question for Lindsay Lohan, who missed her plane last night from New York to attend her trial in L.A. this morning. (We're now on her twenty-something trial. When you move into the double digits, you should get a free Shakeweight or some turtle wax or an…

Jennifer Aniston, the quintessential grown-up Judy Blume heroine, has a lot of Very Important Decisions to make in the next few months as her wedding to Justin Theroux draws nigh. Apparently she's been quizzing Charlize Theron—mom of one-year-old Jackson Theron—about the process of adoption since mutual friend Chelsea…

A few days ago, Kim Kardashian said that what she got most from her relationship with Kanye West was an appreciation of privacy. The new cover of French fashion mag L'Officiel Hommes features Kimye's idea of what "privacy" is, whose definition clearly got switched to "maybe fucking on a magazine cover" in the Oxford…

While you were staggering home in a prosecco haze, celebrities were still out partying, and here's some post-Oscar nuggets for you to munch on. Okay, so yeah, Jennifer Lawrence fell down on her way to collect her Best Actress Oscar. We can perhaps attribute this to her previous confession that she was planning to get …

Right around the moment Dakota Fanning made out with Kristen Stewart-as-Joan Jett in The Runaways, you may have realized that she's segued from her super-driven, super-child-actressy days (see: Amy Poehler's SNL sendup) to her eyeliner-skinny jeans-posing-for-Marc Jacobs-ads-going-to-Coachella period. But the Kote's…