Jamie Lynn Spears (Maybe) Gives Birth Today!

• Britney Spears is in Louisiana! Her 17-year-old sister Jamie Lynn should be delivering a baby super soon. [People]
• Jamie Lynn's induced labor could be happening RIGHT NOW! (Possible baby name: Cailynn, a composite of Casey and Lynn.) [ONTD]
• It could be a C-section, you guys. [DListed]
• Kevin Federline has a new gal and she might have an arrest record. [TMZ]
• Cynthia Nixon had breast augmentation? And Kristin Davis had varicose veins removed? Really? [Page Six]
• In an old voicemail Charlie Sheen left for Denise Richards, Charlie dropeed the N-word and a bunch of F-bombs. Sez Charles: "I deeply apologize by my choice of words to all I have obviously offended, especially to Tony Todd, an African American, who was my best man at my first two weddings." Uh, yeah, that makes it all better. [E!]

Denise Richards Tries To Win Over Celebrity Journalist; Calls Her A "C-nt"

$52,000 A Month Isn't Enough For Denise Richards

• Charlie Sheen's friends are calling Denise Richards a liar: She says she's doing a reality show to make money and support her children; they say she "gets more than enough money from Charlie to never have to work, much less do a reality show that exploits the kids." Denise gets $52,000 a month tax-free in child support and previously received $60,000 a month (tax-free) for two years in alimony. Anybody think they could give it a try and raise two kids on that awfully paltry sum? [Page Six]

• Also something about Denise wanting to use Charlie as a sperm donor but frankly, these two don't interest me at all. [Rush & Molloy]
• Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz wedding photo! WTF is that dog wearing? [People]
• Jodie Foster dumped her lesbian lover after falling for another woman on a film set! Apparently Jodie cheated on movie producer girlfriend Cydney Bernard with screenwriter Cindy Mort. Scandal! [The Sun]
• Jessica Alba's secret wedding Monday "surprised even good friends." [People]
• Four witnesses have identified the young woman on video in the R. Kelly trial. The defense says maybe R Kelly's head was digitally added to someone else's body. [Yahoo News]

Denise Richards Seems Sophisticated When Compared To Charlie Sheen

Mariah Carey E-Mails Vogue Editor From Honeymoon

• [Mariah Carey] is very happy. I've spoken with her and she is superb. She is over the moon. I received an email from her [Monday] and she is so happy. She really sounds like someone on her honeymoon." — Andre Leon Talley. Talley also says the wedding happened so quickly he "didn't have the time to offer her any style tips!" Underminer. [People]
  
• Britney Spears' progress impressed the court yesterday. She will now get three days of supervised visitation a week; within a month she should get overnight visits. Stay the course, girl! [TMZ]
  
• Lindsay Lohan has another job! She'll star in Labor Pains, a comedy about a young woman who pretends to be pregnant to avoid being fired. Yay for her; boo for another damn knocked up movie. Is that all women are good for? [Page Six]

Ooh La La! Angelina & Brad En France

• Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and all of their kids have hit the French Riviera. They're staying in a villa owned by Microsoft's Paul Allen that has breathtaking views of the Mediterranean Sea. A source says: "They love France and will now be here until after the babies are born and Angie is looking at Marseille hospitals as a potential place to give birth." [E!]
  
• These rumors about Mariah Carey marrying Nick Cannon will not die. Could they possibly be true??? [People]
  
• Gossip Girl gossip: Girl-on-girl action is on its way! [Perez Hilton]
  
• Plus! Lisa Loeb will make a cameo on Gossip Girl, playing a socialite. Hee! [LA Times]
  
• Paula Abdul spaced out or went cuckoo or something on American Idol. You can watch it here. [EW]

Sienna Miller & Rhys Ifans To Wed; Kimora Knocked Up?

• Sienna Miller has reportedly finally agreed to marry Rhys Ifans — after he asked a third time. Summer wedding, you guys. With guests like Kate Moss and Keira Knightley! [Mirror]
  
• Is Kimora Lee Simmons knocked up? Sources say she's got a bun in the oven, thanks to Djimon Hounsou. Now we're gonna be hearing about her "fabulosity" fetus for the next 9 months. [Page Six, People]
  
• Someone placed a 911 call claiming Heather Locklear was suicidal; but when cops arrived Heather was fine, never requested medical assistance and did not place the call. WTF. [TMZ, TMZ]
  
• Star Jones and Al Reynolds: It's over! Three and a half years after their sponsored wedding, Al has moved out and Star is planning to divorce him. Anyone surprised? [ONTD, MSNBC]

Family, Friends & Fellow Aussies Mourn Heath Ledger

• An autopsy may be performed on Heath Ledger today to determine the cause of the actor's untimely death yesterday. While anti-anxiety drugs were found in the apartment, reports that pills were scattered around the body are said to be untrue. Heath did admit to having insomnia and taking Ambien. [News.com.au]
  
• Also, Heath had pneumonia when he died. [Sydney Morning Herald]
  
• But early reports are that Heath Ledger did not kill himself. [TMZ]
  
• Heath's rep calls the death an "accident." [People]
  
• Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett, John Travolta and Geoffrey Rush are among the stars who have nothing but good things to say about the late Heath Ledger: He was "admired," "adored," and "extraordinary." [The West Australian]
  
• Heath's family says they are "saddened and shocked." [Us Magazine]
  
• Michelle Williams, Heath's former fiancé, is devastated. Naomi Watts has canceled all of her Sundance interviews. Additionally, Lindsay Lohan was seen sobbing inside a restaurant as she learned of Heath's death. [TMZ, E!, TMZ]

Are Nasty Divorces A Thing Of The Past?

Is Britney Spears Actually Getting It Together?

• Britney Spears missed her first supervised visit with her sons this weekend because she mistakenly thought her house had been broken into. No, we don't know why. Also: Nothing about her surprises us anymore. [Page Six]
  
• She did see the kids yesterday, though, and her mom and sister did too. Which, honestly, is great news. Family reunion! [E!]
  
• The movie exec who called Lindsay Lohan "unprofessional" in a letter last year says he would work with her again. "She has all this fame and no one in her family to reel her in," says Morgan Creek's James Robinson. Plus, she's sober now. [Page Six]
  
• Is Penelope Cruz dating Javier Bardem? ¡Viva España! [Page Six]
  
• More Charlie Sheen stuff you never wanted to know: He once bought a $6,000, anatomically-correct latex girl dressed in a cheerleader outfit. But one night he tried to get two girls to do a foursome with the doll, they couldn't stop laughing, he got pissed and chopped one of the doll's hands off. Then he and his bodyguard dumped the "body" somewhere in the middle of the night. [Rush & Molloy]

Lindsay Lohan Is Free, Clean & Sober

• Lindsay Lohan has checked out of rehab! She left Friday afternoon. Good luck, LL! [CNN]
  
• Britney Spears has reunited with her mother (and sister)! Lynne Spears and Jamie Lynn flew from Louisiana to Los Angeles Friday night. Saturday Jamie Lynn and Britney were seen going to Taco Bell, yum. [People]
  
• Third time's the charm: Pam Anderson married her "friend" Rick Salomon Saturday night in Las Vegas. She wore a white denim dress and the ceremony took place in between magic shows she was working. [People]
  
• Mary-Kate Olsen was seen making out with a "scruffy" guy in Paris: He pushed her up against the wall, she wrapped her legs around him, and the people in the restaurant applauded. Uh, we're speechless. [Page Six]

Britney Spears Chooses Starbucks Over Court-Date

• After three hours in court (Kevin Federline showed up, Britney Spears did not) a family court judge decided that Kevin will retain custody of the kids. For now. Britney is allowed monitored visitation. There will be another hearing on Oct. 26. Also? Kevin was wearing an eyepatch. Britney was at Starbucks with her dog while this was going on. [TMZ]
  
• Is Britney checking into a Caribbean rehab facility this weekend? That would explain why she's so calm. [Perez Hilton]
  
• There is good news for Britney: "Gimme More" is number one on Billboard's Hot Digital Songs chart and #3 on the pop charts. [L.A. Times]
  
• "You are a pig, A sad jobless pig who is sad and talentless..." That's an excerpt from an e-mail from Charlie Sheen to Denise Richards, which she included in documents filed in the custody battle. Also included? Pictures of Charlie's "erect penis" he used for his profile on sex sites. Do not want! [Page Six]

Hotel Rwanda To Become (Paris) Hilton Hotel

• Paris Hilton is heading to Rwanda in November. "There's so much need in that area, and I feel like if I go, it will bring more attention to what people can do to help," Hilton says. [E!]
  
• But until she gets there she'll be dancing on banquettes with her Swedish boy toy — they hit three parties in New York on Monday. [Page Six]
  
• Renée Zellweger surprised a random makeup lady with gift-wrapped Manolo Blahniks. Does this mean we have to like Renée now? [Page Six]
  
• Pamela Anderson: Partying every night, despite the hepatitis C? Could it be boyfriend Rick Salomon's fault? [Page Six]
  
• Nicole Richie: Pregnant, in a hot tub. That's a no-no! [The.Life Files]

Newsflash! Charlie Sheen Is Kind Of A Perv

• Britney Spears is not the only one in family court: The Charlie Sheen vs. Denise Richards custody battle is so on. Denise says Charlie exhibits "inappropriate conduct," including "attraction to underage women and sexual explicitness on the Internet, including revealing his private parts." Charlie says Denise "behaves as though she owns our children. She does not. A day of legal reckoning for her is fast approaching." [Access Hollywood, People]
  
• Yeah, Britney went clubbing 24 hours after the judge ordered her not to drink or do drugs within 12 hours of being responsible for the kids. So what? [Page Six]
  
• Quentin Tarantino wants to make a "cool sex movie" that's "got to be kind of kinky." We know, we know, it's too early for this kind of news. [Page Six]
  
• Did Rose McGowan lose a part in the Speed Racer movie because of her plastic surgery? [Gatecrasher]

Where In The World Is Lindsay Lohan?

• One report says that Lindsay Lohan is in a Sundance, Utah rehab facility which previously hosted Mary-Kate Olsen and David Hasselhoff. [EntertainmentTonight]
  
• Two other reports say Lindsay Lohan is with her mother on Long Island. We hope the first report is true! [People, PageSix]
  
• There's some cuckoo baby mama drama between Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards, if you care. [PageSix]
  
• Gwyneth Paltrow uses snake venom to keep her skin looking young. We always knew there was something sinister about her! [PageSix]
  
• Director Brett Ratner got a blowjob from a tranny. As the kids say, ROTLFLMFAO! [PageSix]