• Robert Pattinson took Kristen Stewart to a "secret" dinner with his parents. So secret that this Britloid knows about it!

Apparently the Sparkle Vamp's mom and dad "got on like a house on fire" with Kristen. Perhaps eventually these kids will be "ENGAGED!" like Ok! declared in September. [The Sun]

• At a New Moon press conference, Dakota Fanning "struggled to look interested." And: "Her wide-set eyes sometimes drifted to the middle distance as her co-stars answered questions. Even her responses to the adoring crowd of movie buffs and reporters felt uninspired." Maybe she was tired? [The Daily Beast]
• New Moon actor Kellan Lutz was declined entrance to his own movie party. [Page Six]
• Rihanna is dating Tristan Wilds, whom you may know from 90210… Or as Michael on The Wire. [Gatecrasher]
• "Jon Gosselin signed a secret, hand-written contract with Kate Major, hiring her as his personal assistant, promising to pay her a percentage of his "accounts" and spelling out that she would not talk about their relationship." [Radar Online]
• Bijou Phillips doesn't want to attend the premiere of her film Made For Each Other, because she might have to answer embarrassing questions, in the wake of half-sister Mackenzie's incest revelations. [Page Six]
• MTV has bought the rights to air Michael Jackson's This Is It beginning in 2011. Meaning: There will actually be music on MTV! [NY Post]
• Evan Chandler, 65, the father of Jordan "Jordy" Chandler — who accused Michael Jackson of molestation — killed himself via a gun to the head earlier this month. He was reportedly suffering from a serious illness, though the ailment was not named. [NY Post]
• Penelope Cruz was on David Letterman's show last night, and refused to admit if she was engaged: "I've been here a few times with you, you know I'm tough. One thing I don't do, I don't lie about my personal life," she said. "It's sacred to me. It's my life. But I don't give details about it because I am allergic to that." [People]
• Tina Fey went to the unveiling of Barneys New York's SNL-themed holiday windows, and the papier-mâché Sarah Palin hanging in the window "started spinning around uncontrollably," which was alarming. [WWD]
• Gerard Butler doesn't read gossip. He says: "I try and stay away from anything anybody sends me, some clips or articles that tell me what's going on… I normally tell them to leave me alone and to not remind me. But it's normally when I'm doing press someone will say 'oh so, is it true about...' - and that's when I catch up on all my rumors, when I'm doing press junkets." [Mirror]
• Michael Musto's interview with Levi Johnston is Hi. Larious. MM asks if Levi's junk is "really the Alaska pipeline" and Levi claims he's no Kevin Federline, because "I'm a country singer-I'm not gonna be no rapper." [Village Voice: La Dolce Musto]
• Beth Ditto was asked what she was doing in Paris. She replied, "I am trying to be really cool." Then she did a cover of "I Will Always Love You," the Dolly Parton song made famous by Whitney Houston, saying, "it's my favorite song." [WWD]
• Carrie Prejean is threatening to sue Vivid Entertainment if the company releases photos or videos of her "solo sex tape." [TMZ]
• Frances Bean Cobain has Bard at the top of her list of colleges. [Gatecrasher]
• Does Charlie Gibson bad-mouth fellow ABC anchor Diane Sawyer? [Page Six]
• Jennifer Lopez's ex, Ojani Noa, claims he's getting death threats after trying to sell a book and "steamy" home video of J. Lo. [Page Six]
• Adam Lambert, aka Glambert, is on the cover of Out magazine — with Wanda Sykes, Cyndi Lauper, Lt. Dan Choi and Rob Marshall — and the editor's letter suggests his record label didn't want him to be on the magazine solo, because that would be "too gay." The EIC writes: "It's only because this cover is a group shot that includes a straight woman that your team would allow you to be photographed at all…" Is this the same record label that okayed this shot? And this one? [MSNBC Scoop]
• I can't figure out if this story about Hulk Hogan being attacked at a press conference is real or a wrestling stunt. And isn't Ric Flair retired? All I know is that there's a hip hop song named after him. Ric Flair wittit! Woo! Yeah so anyway: Hulk was bleeding from the head after the "attack" and there's a picture. [News.com.au]
• Aaron Eckhart and Molly Sims: Dating. [People]
• The Bob Saget reality show actually sounds interesting. [NY Post]
• Whoa. Avril Lavigne is dating Wilmer Valderrama? Okay. Does she know that in a radio interview with Howard Stern, he talked about how Mandy Moore was a virgin until he met her? He's also been linked to Lindsay Lohan, Hilary Duff, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Ashlee Simpson. [Life & Style]
• A-Rod has given Kate Hudson a ring, but it's not an engagement ring, it's a $39,000 white-gold ring to thank her for her support of the Yankees. Allegedly. [Gatecrasher]
• Celebrities can make money off of Twitter? Damn. [NY Post]
• Oprah's homeslice Nate Berkus is about to sign a deal to star in his own syndicated daytime talk show. [NY Post]
• Wall Street 2 costars Carey Mulligan and Shia LaBeouf are totes in love. [Gatecrasher]
• John Travolta and Robin Williams became good friends after crashing a wedding in 1977; now they're in their first joint film, Old Dogs. Apparently, at some point in the movie, Travolta and Williams mix up their medications. Travolta's face turns into a Joker-like smile, while Williams' tongue grows to the size of a dill pickle. "That scene, I've probably laughed harder than I ever have," Travolta says. "I knew I wanted to do the movie when I read that part. I'd pay $10 to see that scene." Maybe because you're a millionaire? [USA Today]
• The interwebs have been buzzing about the banned Enrique Iglesias video, "Sad Eyes," in which our hero indulges in phone sex, then picks up a hooker… The pole/phallic imagery is not to be missed. And if you haven't seen it yet, you can, at the link. [Buzzfeed]
• This column is all about Rose McGowan's face. [NY Daily News]
• Rod Stewart's lawyers want $3,309,871.34 in back legal fees. [TMZ]
• The IRS wants over $1 million from Aaron Carter. [NY Post]
• Thirty-six items of clothing Audrey Hepburn wore on and off the screen from 1953 to the late '60s — along with accessories and letters — will be auctioned in London next month. [NY Post]
• Gloria Estefan lost a $220,00 Bulgari diamond bracelet getting out of a car in Miami, but her husband found it. [Page Six]
• "Slumdog Millionaire star Anil Kapoor says he and Danny Boyle will ensure the kids from the movie go to school to earn their trust funds." [Page Six]
• "We're in two minds. Damian doesn't want us to add to our family under any circumstances. He wants to remain the golden prince. He says, ‘Mummy, our family is big enough.' We toy with it but we're not sure." — Liz Hurley is not sure if she is going to have more kids; her son certainly doesn't want her to. [Daily Express]
• "I'm going to make a film on Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. It won't be a so-called David Lynch film, really; it will be about Maharishi and the knowledge he brought out. It'll hold a lot of abstractions. We're on our way to India in December to start the India part of it." — David Lynch. NY Mag]
• "It's scary on the one hand because we have really big shoes to fill — for God's sake, Marcia won a Tony for this role! On the other hand, there aren't a lot of great, great, great roles, especially for women, especially for older women, of which I am one. And I'm a stage actor primarily. I always have been, even though I took a break, but that's how I got my training before I began - eighteen years of stage in New York. Yes, it's daunting: We'll all be compared to the other cast. It doesn't matter - I don't read reviews, I don't care what other people say. At this stage of my career, there are no career moves anymore. I just think when a part like this comes along, you've got to grab it." — Christine Lahti is taking over Marcia Gay Harden's role in God Of Carnage. [NY Mag]
• "Farrah's and my relationship was based on a deep love and respect for one another and for our son Redmond… After discussing how her financial affairs would be handled in the event of her passing, we agreed that our son Redmond would be the primary beneficiary of her estate," he goes on. "These were Farrah's wishes and I am perfectly happy with them." — Ryan O'Neal doesn't care that he's not in Farrah's will. [Us Magazine]
• "During shooting I tried to not go onto the Internet at all if possible. I started to pay attention to fan reaction to the trailers that have been out and what kind of stuff they like, just in order to get a temperature of where things were heading. I think you end up being a politician responding to polls if you pay too much attention to the Internet. Because it's a quick way to convince yourself that one particular person who happens to be Twittering at the moment just happens to be the authority. I try to put out fires when bizarre rumors get started. One rumor I addressed was that the Volturi scenes were supposed to be set in a bathhouse with everyone naked." —Twilight director Chris Weitz. [Techland]
• "I watch Twilight and New Moon and I think, Gosh, there are a million lines that I wish were in it that aren't. You can't be expected to capture the book - what you are expected to do is capture an essence. That's always subjective. It's something that eternally worries me, but at the same time you have to suppress those thoughts. You would be playing a really disjointed character if you were taking everyone's considerations. It's impossible to please everyone. As long as they know that you are working hard, as hard as you can, I think the actual fans of the book accept that and appreciate that." — Kristen Stewart. [Time]
• "When I was reading the books, I felt so bad for Jacob's character. I was, like, 'Wow, he can't get the girl he wants and he's being shut down and used.' But now that I'm actually filming it and living this character, I feel so much worse." — Taylor Lautner, aka Twilight's Buff Werewolf, when interviewed earlier this year. [LA Times]
• "I felt pretty goofy stepping out into the sunlight in front of 2,000 people in a town square, ripping my clothes off. I was essentially doing a striptease. But here's the irony, it was also one of the moments where I've really felt closest to people's emotional attachment to Edward... It was quite uplifting and it was also very nerve-wracking." — Robert Pattinson. Mirror]

An unnamed McCain aide is disputing Sarah Palin's charge in Going Rogue that they gave Katie Couric access because of pity of Couric's alleged "low self esteem": "The truth is, she refused to prepare for the Katie Couric interview," the adviser tells The Plum Line's Greg Sargent today. "She refused to engage in any preparation. And it was a disaster." This should be familiar to anyone who remembers the last time the McCain campaign and Palin engaged in all-out sniping — just after they lost.

Of course, it's still possible that's not what Palin said at all, at least if you take her word for it. She wrote on her Facebook page today, "As you probably have heard, the AP snagged a copy of my memoir, 'Going Rogue,' before its Tuesday release. And as is expected, the AP and a number of subsequent media outlets are erroneously reporting the contents of the book."

It will shock you that Palin provided no examples.

Sarah Palin: AP "Erroneously" Reporting On Book [Politico]
McCain Adviser Denies Palin's Claim That She Granted Couric Interview Because She Felt Sorry For Her [Plum Line]

Earlier: Leak Reveals No Levi, Plenty of Katie-Bashing In "Going Rogue"

According to the AP, Palin never mentions her daughter's Playgirl-posing baby-daddy in her 413 page book. Instead, she focuses on her favorite target: the "liberal" media. In what sounds like an especially nasty section, Palin says she initially "felt sorry" for Katie Couric because a McCain aide told her that Couric was suffering from low self-esteem. But instead of thanking Palin for her pity, Couric "badgered" her, focusing on "gotcha" moments over more "substantive" issues. Palin also claims that Couric was the ignorant one, whose lack of knowledge about energy politics left Palin wondering what newspapers she read. Palin also has some choice words for Charlie Gibson — he "peered skeptically" at her like a principal during their interview, yet also refused to talk about "substantive issues."

But the real villains of Going Rogue may be McCain's operatives. Palin said they stuck her with a $50,000 bill for her vetting process after the campaign was over, an interesting claim given that many at the time wondered if she had been vetted at all. The McCain campaign's lawyer denies that Palin was ever billed. Palin also complains that even though she rewrote the statement prepared for her about her daughter's pregnancy, TV anchors read the McCain camp's version anyway, which she felt "glamorized and endorsed her daughter's situation." It's tempting to wonder what kind of condemnation Palin had in mind for her daughter's pregnancy, but Bristol may be lucky that the McCain campaign, and not her mother, controlled her public shaming.

In general, the leaked info makes Going Rogue sound like vintage Palin — she's still trying live in her own version of reality, and she's mad when anyone challenges it. At a Nov. 6 Wisconsin appearance, closed to both press and cameras, she apparently claimed that Obama had made the decision to move the phrase "in God we trust" from the front of the new dollar coin to the edge. But this bit of heinous God-marginalizing was actually enacted by Republicans in Congress. And on the healthcare bill, she told her Facebook friends, "Look closely at the provisions mandating bureaucratic panels that will be calling the shots regarding who will receive government health care. Look closely at provisions addressing illegal aliens' health care coverage too" — sinister yet meaningless recommendations.

The population of Palin-world may be dwindling — Time's Mark Halperin says "the smart money [is] betting that Palin won't be a contender for 2012" — but Palin remains this strange land's defiant queen. In her Oprah appearance, slated to air Nov. 16, she claims the McCain camp totally approved of her performance in the Couric interview: "The campaign said, right on. Good. You're showing your independence." In a statement that pretty much sums up how Sarah Palin views the world, a former senior campaign official says, "No sentient person would look at that and say that."

Palin's Book Tells Of Trouble On GOP Ticket [AP, via NPR]
Leaks Launch Palin's 'Going Rogue' With That Ol' Campaign Fervor [Washington Post]
AP: Palin Book Goes After McCain Camp But Not Levi [AP]
The Rogue Returns: On The Road With Sarah Palin [Time]

• Legendary newsman Walter Cronkite has died at 92; President Obama released a statement calling Cronkite "a voice of certainty in an uncertain world. He was family. He invited us to believe in him, and he never let us down."[Reuters]

• "He was the most important voice in our lives for thirty years, and that voice made people reach for the stars. I hate the world without Walter Cronkite."- George Clooney [E!]
• ''Walter was who I wanted to be when I grew up. He set a standard for all of us. He made television news what it became.''- CBS News' Bob Schieffer [NYTimes]
• "Walter Cronkite was and always will be the gold standard. His objectivity, his even-handedness, his news judgment are all great examples. He, as much as anyone, is responsible for developing network television news. He set the standard. He told it 'the way it is' and all of us who are privileged to work in this business owe him an enormous debt of gratitude." -Charles Gibson of ABC News[ABC]
• "There never was and there never will be another Walter Cronkite. We trusted him and that trust was well founded. He was also a jolly and supportive friend. He will be missed by each of us individually who knew him and by the whole country who loved him." -Barbara Walters [ABC]
• "He had depth, foreign reporting experience, endless excitement about the news, and an irresistible irreverence. A call, a note, a compliment from Walter was pretty much the Nobel Prize for a young reporter. I am so lucky to know what it was to be part of the Cronkite team." -Diane Sawyer [ABC]
• Gawker has a more in-depth piece on Cronkite's passing, which can be found here. [Gawker]
• A recent Zogby poll indicates that people are more likely to remember Michael Jackson for his humanitarianism, rather than the allegations of child molestation that plagued him throughout the later parts of his career. [UPI]
• Mischa Barton's friends say they saw her recent hospitalization coming: ""She has been on a destructive path for a while now," says a source, "Her drug and alcohol [use] has gotten to a point where it drove people away." [People]
• Jessica Simpson is handling her breakup with Tony Romo by "surrounding herself with a network of support." [People]
• Lauren Conrad takes a shot at Heidi Montag in August's Harper's Bazaar: when asked why she thinks Montag is posing for Playboy, Conrad says, "They're not going to pay for themselves." Oh, The Hills crew. Always keepin' it classy. [USWeekly]
• Jon Gosselin recently told a friend that he's "bringing back my good ol' high school days!" Except he's not, really, because in high school, he didn't have eight kids to constantly embarrass in the press. [USWeekly]
• "I was involved in the typical adolescent love triangle, and I found myself having incredibly violet thoughts about this girl. I just thought, ‘If she goes near my boyfriend, I'm going to rip out her throat.'"-Diablo Cody, on her inspiration for Jennifer's Body. [JustJared]
• One of Nadya Suleman's children, a 2 year old boy, was rushed to the hospital last night after accidentally drinking chemicals from a volcano making kit. "I knew it would all get blown out of proportion if I called, but I didn't want to take any chances," says Suleman "I think I did the right thing. He's okay." [People]
• Paula Abdul's manager says Abdul won't return to American Idol next year unless she's properly compensated: "She's not a happy camper as a result of what's going on. She's hurt. She's angry," her manager, David Sonenberg, says, "I think at this point we're going to be considering everything, including some kind of a competition show. She has tremendous ideas for a whole variety of shows." I guess this means she isn't forever our girl? [LATimes]
• "I knew I wanted to be an actor, but it was quite an embarrassing thing to say out loud – a bit like saying, 'I'm so good-looking I want to be a model.' I was about 20 when I finally started admitting to friends and family the egotistical profession I wanted to be a part of. And then, when I graduated, it was either that or sitting alone in a library and doing a PhD, so I decided I'd try to make people laugh instead."- Sacha Baron Cohen [DailyMail]
• Fred Durst was married on Thursday. The wedding guests left with a dumb red baseball cap and a cd titled, "WTF were we all thinking in 1998?" Not really. But maybe! [Star]
• "I believe we have many lives and that our spirits are everlasting. I know I have many guardian angels with me all the time. I've always been aware of that since I was a child, and I'm very grateful."- Cameron Diaz [DailyExpress]
• Kate Moss recently purchased a "vocal-chord-friendly sauna," whatever that is. [TheSun]
• "I'll come home to find a big party at our house and my father will be rolling around naked in ketchup on the floor, and I'll think, 'Oh yeah, it's Tuesday.'"- Andy Dick's son, Lucas Dick [PageSix]
• Proving that the entire universe has gone off the rails, the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile crashed into a Wisconsin house yesterday. No one was hurt, and insurance will cover the damages of both the house and the hot-dog shaped car. But for the love of god, people! If the Weinermobile can't keep it together, what hope is there for the rest of us?! [ONTD]

I mean, I know we can be sort of mean. First there was mean old "Charleee", asking you about the Bush Doctrine as though you were supposed to know that it was the single largest repudiation of post-nuclear American foreign policy and basically said we'd nuke whomever we felt like, fuck-you-very-much. And then that meanie CBS reporter snuck in a question about the major economic bailout the government had just undertaken and you felt like you had to answer it even though you hadn't yet been told what talking points to parrot yet, it was so off-putting. But, then Sean Hannity rolled over and let you scratch his belly and a little behind his ears, so I thought we were cool now.

Well, and, yes, I know that Keith Olbermann is being a total dick to you, what with donating $100 to charity of every lie that you tell, like it's your fault or something that the campaign staff won't revise the speeches you're giving to take the lies out, but he's not on the road following your campaign. And I'm sure Andrew Sullivan's list of the 12 different lies you've told had to sting, but he's just a blogger and that's not like a real reporter or producer who's going to be standing in a room with you and the President of Afghanistan for less than a minute.

So, it's good that you relented and let that CNN producer witness you talking with Karzai about his son for a whole 40 seconds earlier today. That'll totally show people you're not scared of the press and that you know how to have substantive discussions of U.S. foreign policy with important world leaders, Bush Doctrine questions be damned! I mean, it was really important that the photographer and the TV crew get footage of you talking and having serious conversations with him and Colombian President Uribe even if the entire press corps were utter dicks about insisting that their coverage of you be more than pictures of you looking Vice Presidential! And it was really well done that you got Karzai's handlers to pretend to be the ones objecting to anyone doing anything other than taking pictures — that was a master-stroke, as was your staff's insistence that it was all just one big misunderstanding when they explicitly said that no one that writes anything for a living would be allowed in the room. The press will totally buy that!

Anyway, so, like, buck up, girl! We're really not that bad! You can totally talk to reporters. You hunt moose! You shoot at wolves from airplanes! What's the worst you can do, really? I mean, John McCain's already out threatening Spain and trying to fire people he can't fire and shit. What are you going to do, start a war with Russia? Oh, yeah, right. Well, just stick to talking about your family and how you didn't really want the Bridge to Nowhere and how mean everyone is to you. That's cool. I'm sure you can work that into the answer to just about any question you're asked when you finally let someone ask you a question.

Yours,
Megan

Palin Press Relationship Gets Testy [Politico]
Palin Says She's Ready To Step In As President [Breitbart]
The Palin Protection Continues [Politico]
Sarah Palin On Bush Doctrine: Homina, Homina, Homina [TPM Election Central]
Palin “Disappointed” In “Understandable” AIG Bailout [CBS News]
Excerpts from Palin’s Hannity Interview — Part I [Time]
Olbermann Gives $100 To Charity For Every Palin Lie, $3700 This Week Alone [Huffington Post]
The Twelve Lies Of Sarah Palin [Andrew Sullivan]
Palin Bars, Then Admits Reporters To Meetings [MSNBC]
Palin In The City [NY Times]
McCain Will Not Commit To Meeting Spanish PM [AFP]
McCain Says He Would Fire SEC Chairman [AP]
Palin Hawkish on Russia [Politico]
Did Palin Really Fight The “Bridge To Nowhere”? [The New Republic]
Palin Accuses 'Obama/Biden Democrats' Of Attacking Her Family, But Campaign Can't Name One [Huffington Post]

A lot of this interview reminded me of when I used to get grilled by teachers when I didn't do my homework the night before. But, like Palin, I was always pretty good on my feet, and mastered bullshitting at an early age to keep me out of the doghouse. You can read it on her face, though.

Charlie's like "Bish, plz."

She looked kind of frightened at times though.

He was all, "Are you kidding me?"

After a while, she wasn't so fond of him either.

This was my favorite, when Charlie broke the fourth wall and looked at America like, "C'mon, guys."

MOE: Okay hi sorry I know I'm terrible. I needed to get coffee and then my computer wouldn't start. Is that you texting me again?

MEGAN: Yes, that was me asking if you were invisible or if it was my computer screwing up and needing to restart. Anna introduced me to this thing this morning, this thing you can do in New York where they DELIVER coffee to you. A man came to her door and gave us lattes. God bless America.

MOE: In any case my computer not working gave me ample time to read the Times on paper and um holy shit Martin Sobell ?! and obviously we need to talk Palin-Gibson but can we first discuss this guy who died this week. Also funny, Alger Hiss and the Rosenbergs in the same paper. As pictures of people crying at September 11 ceremonies. Lucian Pye also died, I believe he was a friend of my father's. But yeah Martin K. Tytell, 94, typewriter wizard, the world will miss you. He made a hieroglyphics typewriter for a museum curator. Oh look, he grew up in the LES! And yeah the coffee delivery plan was floated here as well but I think the only place that delivers coffee around is diners and diner coffee actually always manages to make me more tired somehow.

MEGAN: I have to say, this was an awesome line for any obituary:

An error he made on a Burmese typewriter, inserting a character upside down, became a standard, even in Burma.

MOE: So instead I went to Starbucks and got their little Good Magazine pamphlet on carbon emissions.

MEGAN: Ah, carbon emissions. Plant more trees! Also, did you know the wackiest carbon emissions reduction plan ever? Injecting it into the holes we leave when we suck all the oil out of somewhere. Also, potentially carbonating the ocean.

MEGAN: So, Sarah Palin: hawkist, or hawk-est?

MOE: Can we talk for a minute about the wackiest reason ever for getting rid of a prime minister? What, did he give the studio audience salmonella poisoning? Is there Youtube footage of this? I don't want to sound uh gratuitously Eurocentric here, but just reading about Thai political events over the past few years has been confusing. In my defense, a political scientist quoted in Mydan's news analysis today calls it "a very weird situation" where "a reactionary movement is mobilizing people by using conservative ideology mixed with leftist language." Although you probably could describe Mitt Romney's RNC speech the same way.

MEGAN: I think getting rid of a head of state for taking an illegal payment is slightly less wacky that trying to get rid of one for lying about getting a blow job or 10, but that might just be me. But, yes, Thai politics are a bit confusing right now. I mean, I think they went from being a really poor country to being a relatively wealthy one fairly quickly, then there was the Asian financial crisis, major reforms, they got wealthy again but, as in every country that gets rich quick (see: Russia) there evolved rather quickly a bunch of oligarchs that sought to consolidate political and economic power. Plus then you get the whole struggle with former ideals and ideology, the struggle among various elites to get power (see: last year's coup) and mix it all up with a PM no one wanted to replace the one everyone voted for but the military deposed and add in a little illegal payment that looks like graft in the midst of a growing political crisis and you have: Thai politics. Not as tasty as Thai iced tea, but close.

MOE: Yeah but I think there is a difference between taking payments from like, some shadowy corporate interests with designs on controlling the Thai water supply or some shit and TAKING HARD EARNED MONEY FOR APPEARING ON A COOKING SHOW. I don't even watch cooking shows, but my parents are hugely into the Food Network and dude that is some stressful ass shit. And yeah Thailand never got that rich to begin with, it was never a "tiger" or anything although I believe that's the name of their beer, and its financial crisis was more of a currency crisis. You also have the matter of them never being colonized, and the sex industry, and I think a fair amount of anti-Cambodian nationalism.

MEGAN: Well, no one is as rich as us, but it is, I believe, the wealthiest nation in SE Asia that isn't Singapore.

MOE: Nah pretty sure Malaysia's better off? They def have a more diversified economy.

MEGAN: But Paul Newman hates them and their palm oil-y ways...

MOE: And a more autocratic government imbued in "Asian Values" ANYHOW, I mean, I was there for the financial crisis thing, which thank god was not like the Russian situation, namely because the Asian countries planned their economies a lot better than the Soviets.

MEGAN: Malaysia has a larger per capita GDP, but Thailand has almost twice the GDP of Malaysia. And a lower unemployment rate.

MOE: Dude. You are being annoying now.
Fine! Go to Thailland! Find easy unemployment AS A WHORE if you want!

MEGAN: Anyway, the SE Asian financial crisis was also better because they didn't have a former employer of mine illegally helping the mob move millions of dollars in hard currency offshore in the middle of it like Russia did.

MOE: Also, your argument — fine, Malaysians are way better off, but Thailand has the bigger economy ON THE WHOLE and OOH OOOOH a lower unemployment rate because people are willing to work for 50 cents an hour or whatever — that is one of those retarded Republican talking points that makes no sense.

MEGAN: Actually, when you're referring to the overall wealth of a country, I think it's an important point, and especially since I just pointed out several points ago that there is a large consolidation of wealth in the hands of a few leading to the current political crisis, I hardly think you can call me retarded or Republican.

MOE: But we have to go back to Palin now. I think I understand their strategy with her. It's like, "Hey, while we're resurrecting thoroughly discredited ideas and unfounded arguments over here, why not bring back the singlemost pointlessly destructive of the past eight years, just see if we can polish off that old TURD? So to speak???"

MEGAN: So, can we now stop talking about how important foreign policy experience is in a national candidate?
God, I crack myself up.
Between that line and her complete lack of any knowledge of what the Bush Doctrine is — you know, the single most important foreign policy reversal of this Administration and of the last 50 years in which Bush reversed every single President that preceded him in the nuclear age and reserved the right to pre-emptively hit another country with nuclear fucking weapons — I was like, wow, what did she think they were going to talk about? Also, I love that McCain this week was all like, Obama is unsafe for America because he'll go after terrorists in Pakistan! And then Bush signs an order authorizing it and Palin agrees with Obama and I sort of drunkenly munched my doughnut and laughed at the TV while watching it last night.

MOE: Dude DIDN'T THAT TAKE SOME HUBRIS? I want that on a shirt, fuck. Charlie Gibson I love you. I wonder if she knows the meaning of the word?

MEGAN: She seemed to, since that was a question she actually managed to answer, sort of. More so than the Bush doctrine one, anyway.

MOE: Jesus Christ can we stop using words like "fret" already? I'm not fretting.

MEGAN: I don't even play guitar!

MOE: You know what is interesting, reading this interview? I feel like I sometimes err on the side of chalking up most Republican gaffes and idiocy re foreign policy to a kind of purposeful vagueness that buys them the license to invade whatever they want. But it should not be so hard to brief Sarah Palin. How could she come off so blindsided? How difficult is it, really, to grasp basic foreign policy? Why are so few politicians capable of giving a more accurate assessment in a television interview than i could? And I think to be honest, maybe it is tough for Sarah Palin to grasp. Maybe she just doesn't absorb information about Sunnis and Shiites and Iran and Pakistan the way, you know, Barack Obama would. It isn't that hard! And yet, it's not like this shit gets taught in our schools, and that probably includes the communications curriculum at all six of Sarah Palin's colleges.

MEGAN: My concern, though, is that it makes her just enough of a "regular" American that it'll make regular Americans want to have a beer with her and mock us elitist Americans' obsession with little things like the Bush doctrine and how starting an actual war with Russia might be bad. And that's sort of what got George Bush elected. Twice.

MOE: so tell me what happened at these famous debates. i'm barely capable of holding up my head.
MEGAN: Dude, I am SO AWAKE this morning because when I got up slightly hungover and walked into my bathroom, I was greeted by my apartment's official harbinger of warm weather: the single cockroach that each year finds its way into my apartment.
MOE: oh GOD boric acid boric acid eeek gross i'm sorry
MEGAN: Yeah, 6 months ago I sprayed every inch of the bathroom with some terribly carcinogenic anti-bug thing, so it was only half alive. It nonetheless scared the crap out of me.
However, I have to say, that carcinogenic stuff is only supposed to last 6 months so hooray cancer! and buh-bye roaches.
Anyway, so, the debates. If you actually wanted to see them talk about their differences on issues, you probably should've just re-watched the Ohio one.
MOE: The booooing thing sounds kind of historic
MEGAN: You mean, when the audience booed the commercial break?
MOE: This thing says they booed charlie gibson.
MEGAN: Because he sucked. And because he lost the coin toss to Snuffleupaugus and kept having to do the bumper to commercial.
MOE: Fox News doesn't seem to have a verdict on who "won"
MEGAN: Fox News is the only one, then. The papers and MSNBC have awarded it to Hillary because ABC grilled Obama more or something. I think it's just because he stuck with the whole "the American people are tired of this kid of politics" theme and didn't sic her when offered the opportunity on a platter and Hilary, like me, tends to dig right into some bloody, rare meat served up on a platter.
MOE: Tom Shales called the two of them "despicable"
which is kinda cool.
MEGAN: Aw, Snuffleupaugus wasn't as bad as "despicable" would suggest. I'm sure he didn't write his own questions.
MOE: I got some kind of confused emails and text messages throughout...such as THIS DEBATE IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. YOU CANNOT 'BELIEVE' THE QUESTIONS STEPHANOPOULOUS AND CHARLIE GIBSON ARE ASKING. I AM ASHAMED AT THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA. PLEASE BLOG THIS IN YOUR CRAPPY HOUR - I'M SURE ALL THE BLOGS WILL BE DISCUSSING IT ALL NIGHT. IT'S A DISGRACE.
and "ummmm, is this thing as big a waste of time as it is for the candidates as it is for me?" etc etc
This is the most
hilarious recap though.
MEGAN: I have to say, I drank last night so it wasn't a total waste of time. A lovely French red.
MOE:

If Hillary Clinton had not gone into politics it is possible to imagine her as a brilliant actor, whose Lady Macbeth would come to be seen as definitive....He looked as cool as a cucumber: a highly alert cucumber, but not one which was frightened of being sliced up and turned into sandwiches.

The boyish Stephanopoulos, who has done wonders with the network's Sunday morning hour, "This Week" (as, indeed, has Gibson with the nightly "World News"), looked like an overly ambitious intern helping out at a subcommittee hearing, digging through notes for something smart-alecky
and slimy. He came up with such tired tripe as a charge that Obama once associated with a nutty bomb-throwing anarchist. That was "40 years ago, when I was 8 years old," Obama said with exasperation.