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New York, 4:55 AM
Wed Nov 11
68 posts in the last 24 hours
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08/26/09
That said, I keep wondering about those who refuse to seek treatments for their mental conditions, and what kind of impact that has on their loved ones, their friends, etc. How difficult must it be for those people to have to adjust their expectations and their lives to accommodate the illnesses of others? How hard must it be for Madigan Shive's friends to be willing to lose a few days every so often so they can babysit her in a hotel room somewhere? Do they consider it to be a fair trade for her music, in which case, what do those people who are not gifted in some way have to offer in exchange?
I keep thinking of the parallels between that and, say, my grandfather, who refused to control his diabetes even after he was diagnosed, even after his eye sight failed, even after he went on dialysis, all the way until his feet were amputated and he died. He hated that he couldn't eat whatever he wanted, and he often violated his dietary restrictions. His decision to do so put serious strain on the rest of the family, including my grandmother, a tiny woman who suddenly found herself having to practically carry this huge man. You could say that, yes, he has the right to do whatever he wants, as it is his own body, but it's not that simple, and I feel that similar things need to be taken into consideration for the loved ones of people who have mental illnesses.
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I do find it easier to write when I'm slightly manic - it just comes so easily and I can write pages and pages of stories and essays. It's nearly impossible to write or do anything creative otherwise.
08/26/09
I found a lot of what I produced when I was manic just wasn't very good writing, unlike during stable times when I was less in love with everything I did. I think I'm just more likely to view my own work critically when I'm stable? No matter what, it's not easy to find a balance of what works for your body, your brain, and your creativity.
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Good luck finding something that works for you- you are so fortunate to have (what sounds like) a great doctor.
08/26/09
Still, I've had some trouble with medication. Powerful chemicals should not be prescribed lightly. I've had mood stabilizers make me hostile and uncontrolled, or make me sleep all day and be in a zombie-like state when I was awake. Antidepressants have given me panic attacks. Currently I'm on Cymbalta and it's worked pretty well for me so far. Having experienced the side-effects of antidepressants and mood stabilizers has made me realize that yes, while they can be benificial and sometimes life-saving, they're not for everyone.
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BPD is classified as an Axis II disorder in the DSM-IV TR, and is included in the "personality disorder" cluster. Even with effective treatment or pharmaceutical intervention, I will likely have BPD and experience its associated symptoms to some degree or another for the rest of my life. I certainly wouldn’t call BPD a gift. However, I also wouldn’t say that I "suffer" from BPD. It’s merely a part of who I am. I have not sought treatment and don’t wish for chemical intervention, nor do I want the stamp of BPD on my medical records, given the associated stigma – even within the medical profession.
There were times when I likely ought to have been medicated (self-injury has been a common coping method for the periods of severe dissociation that I have experienced over the years), but I think that bridge was burned when some concerned friends of mine brought up evidence of my self-injury to my HS guidance counselor who immediately phoned my parents and made no attempt to meet with me personally to discuss the situation. This severely undermined my trust in the system and I truly wish it had been handled more delicately.
My point is I didn’t seek help when I needed it most and every day I’m reminded by the scars that are still visible on my forearms, permanent reminders of temporary feelings from years past. I can’t advocate the path I chose, but I’m pro-choice in all things, and it’s not up to me to decide what course of action is best for anyone but myself. It’s been a long, hard road and I’m not yet out of the woods, but I’ve spent years learning about myself and the idiosyncrasies that come with having a mental illness, and it’s been enough to inspire me to pursue a graduate degree in Psychology so I can dedicate the rest of my life to helping other people like me.
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08/26/09
This part does intrigue me. Acceptance is one of the hardest things - accepting that there is this thing wrong with the way the brain works is one of the main steps needed to seek and continue with proper treatment of any mental issue. But those that say all or even most mental illnesses can be treated without drugs sometimes have the adverse affect on the people that suffer from the mental illnesses. I'm just going to throw out the example of my schizophrenic grandfather. He was ashamed of his condition and deeply wished it didn't exist. To the point where after he was on medication for a while and being a productive member of society and a reasonably good family man, he'd think the condition had just "gone away". Then he'd go off the medication that helped keep his paranoia and other behavioral issues in check, and all of a sudden, he'd beat my mom and grandmother, do other things I prefer not to post, stalk random strangers under the guise that they were either secret lovers of his or attempting to hide from them in a belief that they were with the KGB and out to get him. And I'm not exaggerating one bit.
On the other hand, there is the issue of people being medicated who don't need it and think they do. And it's a delicate line to walk.
My mother had a desire to over-medicate during a good part of my life because of the issues with her father under-medicating and the trauma she went through when he was in that state. When I went into a situational depression in high school, she wanted me on Paxil. I didn't want to take it. I'd read Brave New World not long before the situation that caused the depression (an unexpected move in the middle of high school) and didn't want any stinkin' "happy pills". And I worked myself out of it through my own ways, because it was not chemical. My mom, on the other hand, has gotten docs to prescribe all manner of pills to try and deal with her issues, but they never worked, and often times had a negative effect on her. Finally, she accepted that she needed therapy more than pills to deal with those early life issues she went through and unhappiness in her marriage, and things have gotten better, in a less medicated way for her.
Overall, I think Joey Pants' idea of forming an organization that helps create a support network and a safe place to seek therapy is a fantastic idea. It's those that take it to the extreme, a la the Scientologists, that scare me a bit more.
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These were OB/GYNS. They should have been giving psych referrals, not hooking their patients up with medication.
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What is disturbing to me is that I'm reading here about people who are being pressured to take antidepressants. Depression is one thing - unhappy another. You can get over unhappy - if you are unhappy you can actually imagine a time when you will not be unhappy. Depression is not that way. When you are depressed it's like you've been kissed by a Dementor - all the happy and hope gets sucked out of you. You wish you had the energy to kill yourself. A psychiatrist friend says that many times depression is a terminal disease. And sadly people do die of depression - wither through active suicide or passive suicide (not eating, not taking meds etc.)
I'm not saying that people should 'suck it up' if they are 'just' unhappy. Many times a short course of antidepressants may be appropriate after a loss or trauma and can immeasurably improve quality of life (being unhappy does, in fact, suck really bad). But the tenor of the direct to consumer advertising of antidpressants as little more than a 'happy pill' does itself trivialize depression.
I'm not even going into the whole schizophrenia/bipolar argument except to say that if that woman in the story has people in her life who will sit with her in a hotel room when she's manic and psychotic, she is one lucky, lucky woman.
08/26/09
That being said, I do believe there are situations where involuntary hospitalization/medication are appropriate. I'm just not optimistic that civil rights safeguards are properly enforced.
08/26/09
We are just all so effed up about this subject. I think it's overall great that we can talk about it. I really respect people who come forward with their own strugles. Look how far we've come with addiction since Betty Ford came out. Not perfect - but more evolved.
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That month and the Dr's and a year of meds saved my life. I am now off meds and only see a Psychiatrist every 3 months to check in. Not everyone's situation is the same but meds do help some get on a better path.
Shout out to my shrink...he is the best!!!!!
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It seems like no one offers a solution for these kinds of situations. I have a nephew who is in his early 20s and absolutely crippled by paranoid schizophrenia. There is no way he can take care of himself or make decisions for himself. He has been in and out of youth authority and prison (where no one monitors his mental state or if he's taking his meds) since he was twelve years old. His mother is similarly ill and his father has written him off, when he should be hiring a lawyer to declare him incompetent so that he can get the treatment he needs. The rest of my family can't do anything because of the laws regarding adults with mental illness. The best authorities can (or perhaps will) do is arrest him on 5150 and hold him for 72 hours in a hospital. Now my nephew is presumably living on the streets, and I'm constantly worried that he'll hurt someone. I see little use in someone like him embracing his madness. I can't imagine how horrible it must be for him to have a mind that warps reality so much.
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Now I run a small business (dog boarding) and am healthy and happy, but without forced/pressured treatment, I'd be dead. And unlike when I was sick, I want to be alive!