• Beyoncé's first perfume, Heat, launches in February. She says, "Red is one of my favorite colors, as is gold." And the bottle is intended to look antique, because her mother had so many old perfumes when she was little. [WWD]

• Whitney Port, of The Hills/The City fame, says, of fellow fashion-designing show alums Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag, "I put myself in a different sort of realm as them." Port's biggest fear with her label is "people not understanding your point of view, not being able to get it. But I think my biggest competition is myself." [WWD]
• About 200 Chanel employees picketed the company's headquarters just outside of Paris. Workers who make less than €3000 a month have been offered a 1% pay raise; instead, they would like a raise of 2.5%. [WWD]
• Charlize Theron embroidered a baobab tree on a pair of red Toms shoes for her limited-edition collaboration with the eco-friendly, ethically managed company. Ten thousand of the shoes will be distributed free to children in her native South Africa, and the profits from the $54 slip-ons will benefit Theron's charity. [People]
• According to Jimmy Choo, Madonna thinks his shoes are better than sex. "Madonna told me that buying a pair of my shoes is more satisfying than having sex with a man. At least you know they are going to last for ever!" [OK!]
• Tory Burch is growing overseas. The designer recently opened a flagship in Manila, and her first Tokyo store, which just fêted its launch, will be joined by 30 more outposts across the country over the next few years. [WWD]
• Check out the decade in Olsen style, from distressed denim and tube tops to Chloé wedges and studded Givenchy jackets, via the notorious NYU bag lady period. [Style.com]
• Ever since Barack Obama identified his wife's pin, on Oprah, as one he had purchased for her at Garavelli on their anniversary, people have been buying Garavelli jewelry like it's going out of style. [WWD]
• Lady Gaga curated a selection of goods for sale at the site Not Just A Label. You can snap up her fringed lace half hat from the video for "Bad Romance" for a surprisingly reasonable £92, should you feel the need to dress like a deranged Spanish widow from 2078. [NJAL]
• Malls in Dubai still seem busy, despite the debt crisis there. [WWD]
• Hilary Rhoda will be in next year's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Friend-to-Jezebel Liz Glover recently interviewed the model and asked her about her shoot for last year's issue. "For a model, it is a major achievement and a business tactic to widen my fan base," said the Chevy Chase native, over e-mail. "I work out every day, and to have a strong body instead of something frail like in fashion magazines, that's something to look up to." Rhoda, of course, sometimes does appear in the pages of fashion magazines — she once made the cover of American Vogue. Could her athletic look gain high-fashion acceptance? We can dare to dream. [Washington Times]
• Model Jamie Bochert recently ran 12 blocks to get her purse back from a robber. Now that's an athlete. Also she is in the new Lanvin campaign. [WWD]
• Christian Siriano says his maternity line includes party dresses because, "When you're pregnant you still do the same things that you would normally do — go to events, baby showers and weddings. Not every brand does sweet, fun party dresses like this." [People]
• Says Carmen Dell'Orefice, whose name this time Page Six spells correctly: "Sympathy I don't need. Another ad campaign would be great." Dell'Orefice lost most of her fortune in Bernie Madoff's ponzi scheme. [P6]
• More details have emerged about the fashion business incubator program launching soon in New York. Twelve lucky designers will be given the opportunity to rent studio space in the heart of the garment district for under market rates — around $1500 a month. The program is underwritten by a $200,000 grant from the New York City Economic Development Corporation and operated by the Council of Fashion Designers of America. The tenant designers will be announced this month. [FWD]
• Because of dismal sales, Ben Sherman is shuttering its women's line. The company earlier this year stopped making children's wear. [WWD]
• Nike's quarterly results for the period ended November 30 were only slightly down on last year's. Profits and sales at the world's largest sporting goods company each fell by 4%. [WSJ]

• Designer Sophie Théallet has won the $200,000 Vogue/CFDA Fashion Fund Award. "Thank you for making my American dreams come true," said she. [Style.com]
• Skating at an outdoor rink in London, Lily Cole knocked over a small child. [Daily Mail]

• Adriana Lima and Marko Jaric have announced the birth of their baby daughter, Valentina. With Heidi Klum's and Karolina Kurkova's babies, that makes three Victoria's Secret newborns, so far. (Gisele Bundchen is due in December — like Jourdan Dunn, who isn't a Victoria's Secret girl but is a damn awesome model.) So, in about 15 years, maybe we should expect an invasion of new models with perfect pedigrees. [People]
• Here are the first pictures of Comme des Garçons' Beatles collaboration line. We are still not sure why this exists. [Racked]
• Says Rihanna: "In the past few months I've done a lot of research in the fashion world because I wanted to work with a bunch of designers that are kinda underground, people who aren't the obvious...My style is very edgy, very daring. I like to take risks — I hate to do the obvious." [Grazia]
• Pascal Mouawad, who yesterday Lindsay Lohan claimed to be working with on a jewelry line, is today unequivocal: "This is not happening." Sorry, LiLo. [WWD]
• Kate Moss's fourth fragrance, Vintage, is not, we repeat not, coming to the United States. [People]
• Chanel Iman says her one-day "internship" at Teen Vogue "wasn't really planned. I was going in for my fitting for the Teen Vogue cover. I just started helping around the office, organizing the closet. It led from one hour to the next, then it was my fitting and that stopped and I started interning again. I'm a girl that loves to keep busy no matter what it is, being paid or not." Real interns tend to do more than just fill the downtime between fittings — and they also tend to prefer getting paid to not. [NYDN]
• Gemma Ward, in an e-mail to an Australian newspaper, clarified that she has not quit modeling, and that she expects to return to modeling and acting next year. Her mother, meanwhile, says the Aussie supermodel is considering studying drama at Yale. [SB]
• Marc Jacobs, on the differences between Paris and New York: "I'm most at home in New York. I have so many friends and such a large creative community that I feel I'm a part of here. So my work in New York is very influenced by my personal relationships and what I'm doing, and what the people on my team are doing, while Paris is a bit of a bubble, a fantasy. It's almost like I'm pretending to be a designer in Paris. I just think, ‘What would a French designer do?'" [WWD]
• Vivienne Westwood held her spring Anglomania show in a carpark outside a Selfridges in London. [Telegraph]
• Didn't spikes and studs on footwear reach saturation point sometime last winter? Our tolerance is certainly pricked. [The Cut]
• Adidas has announced that in conjunction with Nobel laureate Mohammad Yunus, it will manufacture shoes for the developing world in Bangladesh. The target price for the final product, which Adidas is making without profit? €1, or about $1.50 at current exchange rates. [Telegraph]
• In our mixed-up, topsy-turvy modern world, why not buy spring clothes in November? Phoebe Philo's debut collection for Céline is already on sale, in a customized space at Dover Street Market. [Independent]
• Donna Karan would not approve. She thinks shopping for clothes during the season they are intended to be worn makes a certain kind of sense, because otherwise those clothes go on sale during the season they are intended to be worn, which from her perspective is much worse. "We're not talking to the consumer, we're talking to ourselves," says the designer. "When it's cold out, let's warm the customer. When it's hot out, let's be able to the cool the customer. This isn't nuclear science. Don't deliver fall clothes until back-to-school — do you remember that old logo, back-to-school? — [in] September, when the leaves start to change. Now the leaves are changing, but our seasons are changing because we're already shipping resort." [WWD]
• Prada's book party was probably the most fashionable book party, ever. [People]
• Miuccia Prada: "When people think of fashion, they prefer to see the crazy side, the clichéd side, and actually I think that is wrong. Fashion is an important part of a woman's life. It's a question of aesthetics and that is in no way stupid or superficial." Also: those black nylon bags Prada became famous for in the 90s cost more than comparable leather ones because it took her three years to "learn how to work with" nylon, OK? [Independent]
• Stella McCartney says she has felt uncomfortable with the notion of working in fashion, too. "I was a bit embarrassed by the word ‘fashion,'" she said at a summit on luxury hosted by Women's Wear Daily; McCartney calls herself "an infiltrator" of the industry. Working without animal products has caused its own set of problems: when Tom Ford, then at Gucci, initially approached McCartney about her becoming part of the company, he said her working without fur would be no problem, but when she replied that she also works without leather, "his face just went white and his jaw dropped to the ground." And then there's the expense: "t costs us up to 70 percent more to make a pair of shoes than any other brand - we take that on the chin; we don't mark it up for the customer. Coming into the States, we have nearly a 30 percent import duty for nonleather goods, which I think of as kind of medieval." Fifty million animals are killed for leather production every year. [WWD]
• Nintendo DS has a game called Style Savvy, in which you play a store manager helping customers find outfits that suit their style and their budgets. (Nintendo: now preparing children for retail drudgery!) Charlotte Ronson's fall 2009 collection is included as an optional download. [SB]
• Renaud Dutreil, the chairman of LVMH's U.S. arm, bicycles to work every day. [WWD]
• The Gap has come under fire from a Christian group that accuses it of failing to use the word "Christmas" in its holiday advertising and mailings. The Los Angeles Times points out the many layers of hypocrisy present in this argument — and the fact that the Gap, in addition to selling Christmas-themed merchandise, does mention Christmas in its holiday TV spot. [LATimes]
• So Oakley has some top-secret cadre of sunglass engineers who are encouraged to come up with the most technologically advanced sunglasses you have never imagined, with cost no object. This is why $4,000 carbon-fiber sunglasses exist. (Unfortunately, they are still ugly.) [BW]
• Evidently Vanity Fair needs some pageviews. So they went to the drawing board and came back with...sexy pictures of supermodels. That'll work. [VF]
• Burberry reported a 24% decline in its profits for the six months to September 30, compared with the same period last year. This was better than expected. [WSJ]
• Meanwhile, Saks enjoyed a profit during the third quarter. Surprise profits must be the best kind of profits. [TS]
• The "Kardashian KCollection," which the sisters K put together for Virgins, Saints and Angels, is reportedly "inspired by their Armenian heritage." Their forebears seem to have liked spikes. A lot. [Racked]

• The Olsen twins are launching a new juniors' collection for JC Penney, home of the brands Kimora Lee Simmons, Bisou Bisou, and Charlotte Ronson. It'll be called Olsenboye and is expected in stores this spring. [The Cut]

• The Olsens, plus Alexander Wang, Erin Fetherston, Jenna Lyons of J. Crew, Maria Pinto, and several others were officially inducted into the Council of Fashion Designers of America — "the Kiwanis Club of our business," as David Rees put it — on Wednesday night. After someone explained to Mary-Kate what the save the garment center campaign was about — the lax enforcement of existing zoning laws has allowed landlords in the area supposedly reserved for apparel companies to lease instead to higher-paying kinds of commercial tenants, driving up rents — she said she was totally for it. "We need it, as well. I hope we can save it," she said. [WWD]
• "As a child, I never saw a confident woman — I only saw women being abused," says Mary J. Blige. The singer has just opened the new Mary J. Blige Center for Women in the city of Yonkers, where she grew up. It's intended to educate, empower, and encourage women. "I want every girl and woman who walks through this door to know that she is loved — no matter who is telling her she isn't loved," says the singer. Gucci's Frida Giannini turned up to the opening, and an unspecified portion of the profit from sales of a Gucci women's watch costing $1,895 will be donated to Blige's charity. Giannini was also in town to open Gucci's pop-up shop in SoHo, which will showcase Mark Ronson's alleged "sneaker" for the brand. [WWD]
• First, there was the Sportiletto. And now, behold: The Lamborghini Heel. [FWD]
• From former New York Times food critic and memoirist Frank Bruni's Twitter: "Anna Wintour comes to Marea, orders chicken, with avocado salad, neither on menu. What's the point?" [Twitter]
• Tom Ford says the process of directing A Single Man, his adaptation of the Isherwood novel, has been about "coming to terms with the fact that I do spend so much of my life working in the material world. But as long as you keep it in perspective and don't take it too seriously, I think fashion is a great thing that adds quality to our lives. It doesn't mean that a beautiful pair of shoes isn't still beautiful. But if you lose them, big deal, because they don't really mean anything other than to be able to say, 'Wow, look at my feet. Aren't they pretty?'" [Out]
• Christian Louboutin has created a special carrier bag that includes a bottle of champers and a crystal champagne flute shaped like a stiletto. The package, known as Le Rituel, costs $500, and you can watch a 3-minute film about it here. [WWD]
• He made this bubbly slipper-sipper instead of doing a diffusion line for H&M. That sound just then was our hearts breaking. [The Cut]
• Burberry is getting into the cosmetics business. It won't happen till next summer, but expect a full line — about 100 products for face, lips, and eyes — when it does. [WWD]
• Manolo Blahnik does not want to talk about platforms, which he is relieved to note are finally falling from prominence. "Don't talk to me about platforms. I've done it all before. It bores me now. I want shoes to be beautiful, so women walk beautifully. Shoes should be beautiful — Oh, and of course, a little fun also." [Telegraph]
• Project Runway's Kit Scarbo, who does not skate, is doing a women's line with the skateboard brand Etnies. [The Cut]
• According to one student who took notes on Amy Astley's recent talk at FIDM, Teen Vogue is working on a new TV show. The mag's last dalliance with the medium resulted in The Hills. [Jazzi McG]
• Someone who is a really big fan of Hedi Slimane made this claymation video of an imaginary rock band, clad entirely in Slimane's Dior collections. [YoungestIndie]
• A kind of full-length women's chenille robe marketed by Pennsylvania company Blair is being recalled. The highly flammable robes have been linked to nine deaths so far. [NBC]

Yesterday morning, the Council of Fashion Designers of America held a private town hall style meeting to discuss the future of fashion week — but the meeting soon mushroomed into a general debate on the serious issues the industry is facing. And nothing is off the table. The entire industry superstructure — how fashion is produced, shown, and sold to the consumer — was hotly debated by everyone from Anna Wintour, to Francisco Costa, to Diane von Furstenberg.

CFDA president von Furstenberg made the case for change by drawing attention to the disconnect between the shows — which receive so much press that customers would probably buy items from the collection then and there — and the actual produced goods, which don't reach stores for another six months. By then, the hype may have gone flat — or as Jack McCollough of Proenza Schouler put it, "It's on blogs; magazines pull straight from the runways; and by the time it's in stores, it feels sort of old." Von Furstenberg ventured a solution in a split fashion week: "Maybe there can be a Fashion Week that says trade and another one that says shop?"

Other designers have decided that sales are the enemy. Donna Karan fingered early delivery dates — the well-known problem of winter coats arriving in stores in July, which is, if we're talking this so-far dreary summer, about the time you might start thinking about buying a new swimsuit — as a motivator for stores to mark down in-season clothing, hurting margins on the items most likely to actually sell. "The consumer has been trained to buy on sale," said Karan.

"Everyone had been too greedy, and everyone thought the party was forever," said von Furstenberg. "We wanted more merchandise, and more of this and more of that, and expect 20 percent increases every month, and at some point it just became too much of everything. I realized that what we all have to do is reduce the offerings and create the demand."

Elie Tahari said his company has seen success since it started making smaller, but more numerous, shipments of in-season goods to retailers. "It's about shipping clothes that you can buy and wear right away," said the designer, who compared discounting to "a virus."

American Vogue's fashion news and features editor, Sally Singer, laid blame at the inelastic production structure. "There's been an overproduction which has led to the 40 and 60 and 80 percent off. If we produce less, the consumer will have more confidence in the product."

But Anna Wintour's proposed solution really takes the cake. The Vogue editor stood up to offer, "Could someone lead a committee that would make ground rules for retailers of when the discounting starts, and then all the retailers can agree to it?" Von Furstenberg interjected that that was illegal — in fact, if the big department stores had any such agreement, it would amount to price-fixing and collusion, an anti-trust lawsuit in the making. "Is that something we can change?" asked Wintour. "We have friends in the White House now!"

Von Furstenberg stressed that none of the proposed ideas will be in effect for the shows this September — she is looking for solutions that can be put in place by September 2010. So which will it be? More frequent deliveries sounds dangerously close to the kind of permanent-new-collection madness that swept us into this mess; some of the big houses already do 12 collections a year. Restricting the volume of clothing produced is a sure-fire way to artificially inflate sell-through rates, but to what end would a successful business actively seek fewer customers when it has enjoyed more in the past? What nobody was apparently willing to address was that fashion became, during the long recent boom, simply too expensive: there are not enough good designers willing to make a beautiful dress that costs not a few thousand dollars but a few hundred dollars. True designer fashion will never be available at Wal-Mart or H&M prices, but why can so few people manage to make a dress that a member of this country's middle-class could actually, in a good month, splurge on and wear with enjoyment? Sales are not the enemy: sales are the message that what designers are doing is not working. And idle talk about lobbying the Obama administration to create loopholes in the nation's competition laws doesn't further anyone's business interests.

Betsey Johnson, for her part, supports von Furstenberg's idea of a more consumer-driven fashion week to vacuum up some of the hype away from the trade shows. "I would love to show at Madison Square Garden!" she said. "I wish Fashion Week for the public can be like Christmas, and maybe we'll put up green and pink lights everywhere. I could completely have my showroom open to the public. I could run around that week. I could celebrate in the stores."

As the New York Observer notes, her statement was met with silence from the room. A pity — I'd go to Johnson's public show in a heartbeat.

CFDA's Forum Debates The Fashion System [WWD]
At CFDA Town Committee, Wintour Proposes Discount By Committee; DVF: "That's Illegal!" [NYObs]

• Naomi Campbell has finally been charged for her April freakout at London's Heathrow airport. “Campbell is accused of three counts of assaulting a constable, one count of disorderly conduct likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress and one count of using threatening, abusive words or behavior to cabin crew, according to reports.” Her court date is set for June 20th; does anyone think that maybe a stint in juvie could set her straight? [The Guardian]
• Christian Dior cosmetics spokesmodel Sharon Stone continues to pay for her ridiculous remarks regarding last week's earthquake in China: Dior is pulling all ads starring the Hollywood wackadoo "from all of the department stores and from all of China". Karma, baby! [NY Times]
• Andre Leon Talley is returning to the Savannah College of Art and Design to speak at the school's May 31 commencement ceremony. Think he'll wear the "floor-length red satin robe and silver crown accented with red 'rubies'" this time around? [Paris Parfait]

• Is Chloe Sevigny is never not working? The Big Love star and Opening Ceremony fashion designer is coming out with a limited edition tome based on her first OC look book. "You can flip all the clothing around. You can kind of, like, mix the heads with the bodies," OC's Humberto Leon tells New York magazine. [New York]
• Stars scheduled to appear at the CFDA awards on Monday: Victoria Beckham, Eva Mendes and Maggie Gyllenhaal. Posh will be in Marc Jacobs, Mendes in Calvin Klein, and Maggie G in Proenza. [Elle UK]
• Laura Bennett, the redhead overachiever from Project Runway has 8 million kids, a clothing line, a huge apartment, and a comic strip in the Village Voice. [Blogging Project Runway]
• Proenza Schouler, who have been nominated for the 3rd year in a row for CFDA Womenswear Designer of the Year award, spill all (er, some) in an interview with Fashion Week Daily. These guys must have been nuns in a past life or something. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Patricia Field won’t be applying for welfare anytime soon. The stylist who got her start throwing glitter on the hot-pants of drag queens is now developing a line of clothing for Australian department chain, Myer. [The Australian]
• Beauty may fade, but supermodels are forever. Miles Socha reports in WWD how old-school models are returning to big-time ad campaigns. “Linda Evangelista is starring in Prada, Naomi Campbell in Yves Saint Laurent, Claudia Schiffer in Chanel and Salvatore Ferragamo, Eva Herzigova in Louis Vuitton and Christy Turlington in Escada.” More here: [WWD]
• Need to know how to deal with articles of clothing that have shrunk? The WSJ offers groundbreaking suggestions such as, check the label for cleaning directions, store your receipts in a shoebox, and other things my grandmother told me in 1957. [Wall Street Journal]
• Michael Kors confesses that he used to layer legwarmers: “I not only wore them, I used to wear two or three pairs. Everything was some shade of dusty mauve and rose, what I call 'ishy colors.' At the time I was wearing a burgundy boot.” [Style.com]
• Ugh. Members of the Chinese elite “are willing to spend their savings on designer fashions, seen as the ultimate status symbol in a communist country that is increasingly becoming preoccupied with the trappings of wealth.” [Reuters]
• Coach Inc., plans to open 50 new retail units in China. Um, I’m sorry, but wasn’t there just a devastating earthquake there? [WWD]
• Anthropologie: "[The store's] retail environment is an artful rendition of a French market that creates a mood of discovery and whimsy. While the merchandise is a unique mix of found objects from around the globe, the store is as close to a genuine French flea market as is the French bread sold at Safeway." [Business Week]
• Vogue is prepping a photo shoot starring its own editorial and fashion assistants. Says one source: "...At Vogue, you have to dress like a model anyway, so this probably isn't a stretch for the various women involved." [Fashionista]

• Kate Moss's fifth collection for Topshop launches today. It's inspired by "travel." Oh, bite me. [Vogue UK]
  
• Spanx bras — to flatten your back fat, of course — in stores now! [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• You will be so proud of Eva Mendes! She overcame that whole nasty rehab debacle to be chosen as the face of Calvin Klein underwear. Yay Eva! And yay Calvin Klein for taking a chance on a star who is trying to overcome adversity. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Pussycat Dolls founder Robin Antin has extended her evil empire to include a lingerie line (entitled, sickeningly, "Pussycat Dolls...shhh") and a costume jewelry line. [WWD, 3rd item]
  
• Nicole Richie doing a maternity line? Why, God, why? [LATimes]

• Marc Jacobs and his histrionic boyfriend Jason Preston are fighting again. [Page Six]
• "I feel like Beyoncé is a very good image for what I do. She's the woman that I present. I adore women with curves," says designer Elie Saab. We remain skeptical. [Fashion Week Daily]
• I know I'll sleep better tonight knowing that Lord & Taylor has achieved its life-long dream of stocking Juicy Couture. [IHT]
• Also, knowing Victoria Beckham owns ten different Hermes Birkin bags, all in different colors. [Sunday Mirror]
• Evangeline Lilly is the face of Davidoff Cool Water Women. [WWD, 2nd item]
• Bindi Irwin's children's clothing line on sale everywhere... well, in Australia. [News.com.au]
• Paris Hilton: Inspiration to Indian fashion designers. [Reuters]
• Gap has once again commissioned supercool designers to design limited-edition white shirts for the chain. 3.1 Phillip Lim, Band of Outsiders, Michael Bastian, Philip Crangi and Threeasfour have all signed on for the project, sponsored by Vogue and the CFDA. It seems like only yesterday they were doing this for the very first time! I have only written approximately 3.1 x 10²⁹ words on this site since then. [WWD, sub req'd]
• No, light-up packaging scares me. [BellaSugar]
• Our favorite model-blogger Erin O'Connor is now preparing to make a documentary about the fashion industry. $10 says everyone comes off looking ethical and well-groomed. [Daily Mail]

• The Spice Girls are reuniting, and Donatella Versace may be dressing them for the reunion tour. G-d works in mysterious ways, and Jennie may have just forgiven Him for the Holocaust... [AHN.com]
  
• Prada sells Azzedine Alaia back to Azzedine Alaia. Which would sound all heartwarming and benevolent, if only it weren't a shrewd business decision. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Stella McCartney will be debuting a lingerie line next year, offering a "high-end product with prices that are a little below La Perla." And by that they mean $71 for panties and $447 for chemises. If these represent reasonable prices, Nick Denton is definitely not paying us enough. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Vanity Fair's September issue proffers its annual "Best Dressed" list, featuring a few members of the Conde payroll: Vanity Fair's fashion director Michael Roberts, contributing editor Lisa Eisner, and photographer-at-large Jonathan Becker, as well as Teen Vogue editor-in-chief Amy Astley, Vogue's style editor Alexandra Kotur, contributing editor Marina Rust Connor, and Anna Wintour spawn Bee Shaffer. That we are reading about this in an article penned by a few slightly, um, less-dressed members of the Conde payroll is not at all making us feel like we are seated at the nerd table in the cafeteria. [WWD, 1st item]

• In a move straight totally copped from our college's alumni association, the Council of Fashion Designers of America (CFDA) is launching a Business Services Network which seeks to connect members with "key industry executives" that can provide resources and help for their businesses. If you're already a CFDA member, how much help do you actually need? Oh wait. See financial records of the majority of American high-end fashion houses. Never mind. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Annie Leibovitz's latest way to pay the bills? The Bottega Veneta fall 2007 ad campaign! Woman's got a family to feed, yo! It ain't all taking celebrity portraits for the glossies and mourning Susan Sontag! [Vogue UK]
• Aw, models! They're just like us! One of Burberry's latest faces? The son of Virgin tycoon Richard Branson, 21-year old aspiring rocker Sam! [Vogue UK]
• One of our main reason's for not taking that fourth year of science in high school? Our aversion to safety goggles. Which look dumb, no matter how good your shoes are. So why the fuck would we pay Dolce & Gabbana to re-create this look? [FabSugar]
• Hermes bags: Ridiculously overpriced, but rightfully named for true style icons. [See Birkin; Jane; Kelly, Grace.] But Naomi Campbell? Puke. [Sassybella]

• Fresh off her appearance on the cover of the June Glamour, Jennifer Lopez will grace the cover of Conde Nast's supremely stupid supplement Fashion Rocks. We don't know if it's more retarded that Jennifer Lopez is supposed to represent "rock" or that Conde Nast is so used to putting pointless, overexposed celebrities on their covers to sell newsstand copies that they did it on a supplement. [WWD, 2nd item]
  
• Banana Republic, on its demographic: "Our customers are creative souls, inspired by art and culture." [Uh, Substitute "creative" for "conformist" and "insecurity and markdowns" for "art and culture" and you will have the reason I shop there! -Moe] [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Wait, seriously? NASA orange flight suits for $60 bucks? We sorta want one. [WaPo]

• Breaking News! "Jeans Still In" for college students! No way! And appearing on the crime blotter, spoons still being stolen from the dining hall. [MarketWatch]
• Dorina Dixon "D.D." Ryan died yesterday morning. The former fashion editor at Harper's Bazaar was also frequently a costume designer to Stephen Sondheim, a friend of Halston, and one of the people responsible for bringing some of our favorite books, the Eloise series, into the world. [MGross.com]
• And the finalists for the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund award are: too numerous to list here, Moe says. But it's one impressive class, from which we predict the three prizewinners will be Phillip Lim, the Vena Cava girls, and Erin Fetherston. Your guesses? [Vogue UK]
• First Levi's asks him to design, now Prada wants him at her parties: Will someone tell us why fashion is so relentlessly trendhumping Damien Hirst? No, seriously, we want to know. [WWD, 1st item]
• Like perfume? Then you'll love L'Artisan Parfumeur's new battery-operated "art" box that emits a burst of fragrance from magical glass beads every three minutes, yours for $230. [WWD, 1st item]
• And in other window design news, the Diesel store in London is incorporating the scorched remains of its recently burnt-down store into its holiday windows! How nouveau something!
• Husband and wife design team Y&Kei: Cried at The Notebook? [The Fashion Informer]

Instead, Jenny found a handful of South African tourists, confused by all the hullaballoo, a kind merchandising director named Theo who made sure she photographed both him and his window displays from their best sides, and a surly store manager (name withheld to protect the innocent) who placed her on Gap probation.

Having been tossed out on her ass before for her renegade fashion photography tactics (note to the Prada security guard — Jenny hasn't forgiven or forgotten), she revised her scheme, pulled her favorite items, and took to the dressing room to hide and play dress-up.

Jenny's more detailed timeline, after the jump.

8:53 am - All quiet on the western (store) front. Only 7 minutes until the big shebang, and the employees of The Gap on 42nd Street are still furiously assembling their window displays. Perhaps part of the delay comes from the fact that the window-dressing boy would rather pose for pictures for me then finish hanging the display.

8:55 am - "No, no! Photograph the straight one! The straight one!" Theo, this store's merchandising director (and the coordinator of the last minute window hustle), rushes towards me. He wants the world to know his windows are straight. (Insert obligatory joke here). As he is the nicest employee I come in contact with all morning, the least I can do is indulge him.

9:02 am - "So, are you here for Doo.Ri? Rodarte?" I say to the perturbed-looking women hovering outside the store's entrance. They turn to me in shock, looking like I've asked them how often they practice anal sex. I soon learn that they are tourists from South Africa who have already gone through all their clean clothing. They are anxious to buy new clothes so they can start their day. They have no idea what the CFDA is, nor do they care to learn. They are angry because the store should have opened two minutes ago. They do not want to talk to me anymore.

9:05 am - At last! The doors open! The manager tries to make some sort of speech, welcoming us. It's awkward, because at this point it's just me and the South African tourists. I try to muster some enthusiasm from our meager crowd, and encourage an unnecessary mad-cap dash up the stairs to the second floor, women's wear. And there at the top of the stairs, it greets us: Doo.Ri. Thakoon. Rodarte. All here at The Gap.

9:08 am - There is a moment of panic when no more medium-sized Doo.Ri dresses seem to be around. The floor staff informs us that there are plenty more in the back. During the crisis, however, I befriend Suzanne Donaldson, the Photo Director at Glamour magazine. She tells me she had no idea these items even existed until reading the item in the Times this morning and has been sent to purchase on behalf of several of her co-workers. She thinks the Rodarte pieces are best, and says she fears not about keeping her whites whiter and her brights brighter as she's a self-proclaimed "bleachaholic." The sight of this much white is heaven to her. Suzanne, I'm sure your co-workers thank you for doing the dirty work for them.

9:15 am - Though some employees seem somewhat distracted, this is not the case for the store's manager Phillip. Phillip says he understands "how thrilling all these white shirts are," but informs me that taking photos inside The Gap is a big no-go. My choices? Camera away, or leave the store...

9:16 am - ...or just snatch up my favorite items, hide in the dressing room, and snap away! Here's the before shot: Me in one of my favorite Gap pieces from two seasons back, the giant Boyfriend v-neck sweater. See, Gap, I love you — why don't you love me back?

Now the fashion show begins:

Look One: The Rodarte bow top isn't just cropped, it's cruel. It would be too short for even a slutty four-year old. Fashion-Victim Me is tempted, though, to buy it to prove my street cred. Cheap Me refuses to shell out $78 to be in on the joke. Frugality trumps style, but just this time.

Look Two: Fresh and sleek and smart is Rodarte's high-neck trapeze-shape tunic. Architectural yet wearable: I think I'm in love.

Look Three: I love everything about Thakoon's shirt-waist dress...except for its massive leg-of-mutton sleeves. The seaming in the back, which creates an insta-bustle the moment you tie the sash, is sheer genius. I try to see past the disastrous sleeves, which look like they're eating me alive, but then I realize I can't. That's how big they are.

Look Four: My life-long wish to wake up one day and find myself to have morphed into Charlotte Gainsbourg is actualized the moment I put on Doo.Ri's neck-tie blouse. Magical thinking? Maybe. Magical clothing? Yeah.

Look Five: Doo.Ri's phenomenally full-skirted shirt dress makes me want to go back to the future, become June Cleaver, bake a pie, and seduce the mailman. Duplicitous, it feigns modesty while oozing sex.

Look Six: In a stroke of (self-proclaimed) styling genius, I undo the tie on the Doo.Ri dress, and find myself sheathed in a gorgeous trapeze sheath. If I were Nina Garcia on Project Runway, this look would be endowed with the highest of compliments: It's very modern and very expensive looking.

9:49 am - As I exit the dressing room, I behold a stiletto-clad woman clutching a quilted Chanel bag in one hand and a giant camouflage GQ tote in the other. "Where did that girl go? Where are my dresses? Why aren't you people moving any faster?" The Nasties have arrived, clearly, so I take my cue and proceed to check-out.