She writes:

I suppose I could Internet date, but the very idea exhausts me. It feels like applying for a job I'm not sure I want. And it's so unfair, so hopelessly based on superficial things that I could weep. Cruise the online personals — just scan the 40- and 50-something entries — and you'll see that even men built like Danny DeVito demand youth and beauty. They say they're seeking "slender" or "slim" women at least 10 years their junior. Do I really need to pay a monthly fee for this sort of rejection?

And of her last love, she says:

[H]e eventually married a woman some 15 years his junior. I went to their wedding. She is lovely, but they divorced within a couple of years. "She has no sense of humor," he complained. "She's so earnest about her career, and she's not all that enthusiastic in the sack."

"Well, what did you expect?" I asked him when he called to tell me they were through.

"I expected somebody like you, only younger," he admitted. We haven't spoken since.

Has Internet dating further calcified male demands, creating a marketplace where only young, thin women need apply? Naylor acknowledges that's not the whole story: "plenty of zaftig women have husbands and lovers who adore them." So does Naylor's penchant for unavailable men predispose her to the kind of douches who find what they want, then look for a younger model, then act shocked when she's not what they were shopping for? Sure, that guy's divorced now, but he's not writing articles about his "sell-by date" and his cats.

Of course it's possible to have mixed feelings about being alone, to relish your independence while sometimes craving for companionship. But I still wish Naylor came off as less of a sad sack and more of a proud spinster. Or more accurately, I wish a woman could live alone with her cats and her TV remote and her "discreet" vibrator without feeling like a reject. Is that too much to ask?

15 Years Without Knocking Boots [Salon]

Earlier: Old Maids And Spinsters: The Best Female Role Models A Teen Girl Can Have

The saddest tale of all is from a woman identified as Grits4Ever, who talked to Ruberg on the phone but would not give her real name because she feared being outed. Her husband watches porn, sometimes for 10-12 hours a day, and her first post in the forum was entitled "Husband Says We Would Have More Sex If I Did it More Like a Whore.” While the existence of Grist4Ever sounds pretty bleak, she says she is heartened by getting her thoughts out to a like-minded community. “I used to feel ashamed,” she admits, “like I was the only one out there with a problem, like it was my fault.” But now she feels better…though apparently not good enough to dump someone who says they would have more sex with her if she "did it like a whore."

The piece, however, makes a good point: most sexless marriages aren't as cut and dry as Grist4Ever's, where one person is clearly being a jerk. 15-20% of married people have sex fewer than 10 times a year, and as Grits4Ever notes, "So many of the people on here, they don’t want to end their marriages. They love their spouses. But they don’t know how to deal with the issue.”

Obviously having an outlet to vent frustration helps, so does therapy, for some people. But how do you stay in a longterm relationship when desires are clearly incompatible?

Stuck In A Sexless Marriage? You're Not Alone. [Village Voice]

No two girls in the club are here for the same reason—some girls were sexually abused, some prefer intimacy over sex, some think that abstinence is the new laid. For me, abstinence is part of a personal quest. It is the realisation that freedom in its purest form comprises of not being addicted to anyone, especially the male body. I gave up having sex and, though the first few months were torture, I am now as free as I can be in a capitalist world.

There are a few odd things about the PPPC; for one, its exclusivity. A woman can only become a member if she's been invited by another member. Also, the women don't flaunt their association with the PPPC; instead, they remain anonymous and assign pseudonyms to themselves. They also don't have Facebook or MySpace groups. Are they ashamed of their re-virginity? No, they say. It's in the interest of keeping it "young, fresh and interesting." They fear the club going "mainstream," thus stripping it of its coolness. That's kinda how we felt about Green Day when we were in high school.

Celibacy Can Be Rebellious [The Guardian]
Related: The Silver Ring Thing [Wikipedia]

Sarah, 26
This chick hasn't had sex for a year, despite the fact that she has a live in BF, who she's been with since she was 19. He goes out every night immediately after work to DJ in clubs and doesn't come home till 2 am, where he sleeps in a separate room. They used to bang three nights a week, but now they're both tired from work. Sarah isn't worried that he'll ever cheat on her, because he said he "loves" her.

Loren, 29
After breaking up with her first boyfriend five years ago, Loren hasn't had sex since. She says needs to be in love to bang, and that's understandable, but she's a bit preachy about other girls who don't have such hangups. ("I think being promiscuous can damage your self-esteem.") She doesn't like dating and she's afraid of getting into another relationship. Frankly, she sounds like a stick in the mud. She was set up on a date with a handsome guy who bought her drinks in a club. Then he offered her drugs. "It was a disaster." Disaster? He sounds dreamy!

Mandy, 41
This lady went into early menopause at 36. Sucks, right? [Ugh. maybe she smoked too much? -Ed.] She was with the same guy for nine years, but when she went through the change, her libido plummeted and they stopped fucking. She thinks it was a major reason of their breakup. Now she uses some sort of oil on her clit that stimulates it and she's been getting back in the mood and is seeing a new guy. (Why the hell did the Daily Mail profile her? She's totally gonna get it on by the end of this week!)

Denise, 27
Denise is a Christian virgin who started an abstinence support group called Celibrate. She can't see herself ever having sex, because even though she can recognize an attractive man when she sees one, she'd rather "appreciate him from afar." She prefers spending time working and hanging out with her girlfriends. Girlfriends! That's what's going on here, right?

Sue, 29
This woman is a single mother to four kids and she's only 29! No wonder she hasn't had sex in eight years—she's too busy. And she probably doesn't want any more kids. She admits to having lonely moments.

Beverly, 30
Beverly lives with her mom and doesn't have sex anymore because she was diagnosed with endometriosis, so intercourse is too painful. She has an understanding boyfriend and they are in love.

Seriously, those last two are just bad reporting on the Daily Mail's part. They really thought these were accurate representations of women choosing abstinence? Or maybe it's just too hard to find girls who are truly celibate because those crazy birds in Britain just love shagging so much. In any event, we hope that that these ladies don't forget to celebrate their country's National Orgasm Week. Just because they're refraining from being intimate with other humans doesn't mean they have to refrain from being intimate with something that requires batteries.

"The Women Who Haven't Had Sex In 33 Years" [Daily Mail]