Salon's Mary Elizabeth Williams writes that "it was a big freaking deal when Rob Lowe had a romp with underage girls or Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee enjoyed connubial bliss," but that after the creepy night-vision of "1 Night in Paris," the cultural relevance of the sex tape began to wane. She explains,

With each new revelation of a dirty video lurking in a famous closet, the shock at the genre itself dies a little more. Had honeymoon movies of J.Lo emerged when she married her ex in 1997, it might have been a cause célèbre. Now? Big whoop. The explicit sex tape and the compromising photo are no longer potential career ruiners, nor are they the hallmark of a wild, anything-goes character — not when so many of us, famous and not, have been there and done that. It's a fair assumption that if there aren't explicit images of you floating around somewhere, you may not have a sex life. Or a phone.

It's true that it's hard to imagine one of the main tragedies of Trainspotting — Tommy's life is basically destroyed after he and his girlfriend make a sex tape — taking place today. And Prejean's incriminating solo footage seems like less a source of humiliation and more a serendipitous — or even savvy — book-tour booster. But perhaps the most telling evidence of the sex tape's incipient passe-itude is the fact that Us Weekly is now linking it to yet another stale and overexposed cultural phenomenon: armchair diagnoses of narcissism.

Sex expert Dr. Jenn Berman tells the tabloid that people who make sex tapes "like the spotlight. You may have some narcissistic tendencies, and you're more likely to have an exhibitionist side." Therapist Rhonda Findling, author of the no doubt edifying Don't Call That Man!, adds that such folk "are naive and in denial," and that sex-tapery "should be considered self-destructive." But if you must film yourself fucking someone, she says, choose "somebody you can trust, who doesn't have a track record of being deceitful or damaging other people's careers or being manipulative." Sage advice: when making a sex tape, try to pick a partner who has not sold any sex tapes before. Findling also recommends "a contract or a letter of agreement beforehand saying you can't release it." Hot.

I guess the message for young people today is: go ahead and make sex tapes if you feel like it. Probably no one will give a shit. Of course, if you get caught "sexting" while in high school, you might get accused of child pornography or thrown off the cheerleading squad. Because for everyone who claims there's no hysteria left surrounding a particular sexual practice, there's somebody ready to fan those hysteria-flames right back up to bonfire levels — or just to pick a slightly new practice to freak out about. So while sex tapes may now be the province of tired trend pieces featuring questionable experts, the next rainbow party is just around the corner, and our appetite for sex is matched only by our desire to judge others for having it.

The Celebrity Sex Tape Jumps The Shark [Salon]
Expert: Stars Make Sex Tapes Because They're "Narcissistic" [Us Weekly]

Because, you know, what the world needs now is more lawsuits.

Schwarzenegger, himself a celebrity, has approved a measure which states that the rights of a free press "to report details of an individual's private life must be weighed against the rights of the individual to enjoy liberty and privacy." That sounds reasonable… or does it?

Magazines and blogs (like this one) buy pictures of stars everyday; how are we to know if the snapper was over Lindsay Lohan's property line or not? What if you were fined for clicking on an illegally obtained photo? What if you went to buy ice cream, and later found out that the ice cream you bought was stolen, and you were being sued by a rich person for eating it?

As Dionne Searcy writes for the Wall Street Journal:

Some legal experts… question whether the California law is enforceable. In general, it remains legal for individuals to take photographs of other people, as long as the photo is snapped in a public place. In many cases, they add, it can be difficult to determine where a photo was taken after the fact.

In addition, there's a concern that celebrities are getting special treatment. Your house is on Google Street View; journalists have the right to pursue a story by knocking on your door or photographing you on the sidewalk if you are, say, a dry-cleaner ripping off customers, a lottery winner or a suspected terrorist.

But a measure okaying lawsuits is really saying: Celebs! Go ahead and sue. You have money! The snappers and blogs and magazines will be sorry they fucked with you.

Look, I'm not saying it's right to jump a hedge to get exclusive picture of someone's backyard wedding. Laws should not be broken. But taking a magazine or blog to court and fining them as much as $50,000 for not knowing that shot is illegal doesn't seem right either.

A New California Law Places Paparazzi Under The Spotlight [WSJ]

In the new issue of African fashion magazine Arise, reporter Hannah Pool examines the idea that "all Africa ha[s] to offer the world was begging bowl." The article, titled "Good Will Hunting," starts off with a bang:

"When high profile celebrities get shown visiting disadvantaged areas in Africa and those images get beamed out to the rest of the world, I believe they almost do more damage than good," says Moky Makura, Nigerian-born, Johannesburg-based author, M-Net presenter and founder of the Africa our Africa blog. "We don't want to keep reinforcing the image of a helpless continent. We will only eradicate our problems when we build economies based on commerce, not charity. To do this, Africa needs to be seen as an investment destination or trading partner, not as a charity case.

Pool then delves into the conundrum facing many activists on the continent - if people are embracing the idea of "trade not aid" as a way to push forward development, who benefits from this "charitainment?" Pool elaborates:

The merging of charity and entertainment - or, as Time magazine called it, charitainment - has led to some damaging consequences. Celebrities (and their agents) have realised that being seen to care about Africa brings instant cool. About 25 years after Live Aid, A-list celebrities are forever falling out of the pages of magazines such as Hello! or OK!, tearfully waxing lyrical about how spending five minutes in an African orphanage changed their whole view on life. And thanks to Madonna and Angelina Jolie, some Western media appear to be under the impression that the best way to empty Africa's orphanages is not the eradication of poverty but mass adoption by wealthy pop stars.

"Whether it's Bono shilling for AIDS dollars, Angelina and Madonna toting their African offspring, Gwyneth [Paltrow] and David Bowie declaring they are African, or Matt Damon and George Clooney rallying for Darfur, it appears that a new generation of philanthropists have taken up the 'White Man's Burden'," says South African academic Zine Magubane on the pan-African blog Zeleza Post.

As soon as Pool mentioned Matt Damon, I immediately thought of this bit from Entourage:

"Gimme the fucking check Vince!"

At any rate, Pool drops the bomb that's been hovering over any discussion of aid and Western involvement in Africa. The idea of The White Man's Burden actually stems from a Rudyard Kipling poem of the same name. Scholars have long debated if 'White Man's Burden' is a love letter to imperialism or a satirical take-down - Kipling was an avid imperialist but was also a satirist, and his intentions with the piece aren't fully understood. However, the poem and the term have been propelled to the heights of infamy due to the application of the core concept around the globe. (Personally, I prefer Henry Labouchère's acid-tongued retort, The Brown Man's Burden - fascinating how both poems were written in 1899, but still resonate to this day).

One line from Labouchère - Let all your manifestoes/Reek with philanthropy - cuts to the quick of how a "trade not aid" movement developed on the African continent. All this "philanthropy" normally comes with strings and conditions, and it can actively undermine those looking for long term solutions to a problem. Pool, in fact, discusses the work of Dambisa Moyo, a Zambian economist whose book, Dead Aid, who argues that aid only breeds dependency:

"Aid has been, and continues to be, an unmitigated political, economic, and humanitarian disaster for most of the developing world," says Moyo. Rather than wanting to promote Africa as a place of business and opportunity, the West prefers to have Africa as its needy child. After all, imagine how scary a strong capitalist Africa would be. Moyo argues that aid keeps Africa politically and economically pliant, and that celebrities, with their passion for doing good rather than doing business, simply help maintain this status quo (whether they mean to or not).

She adds:

For some, 'glamour aid' is a non-topic. Africa needs money and fast. Getting people to focus on anything else - business opportunities, the arts or tourism, for example - is tantamount to rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. The fact is, celebrities raise billions of dollars for Africa, and they generate immeasurable amounts of press coverage for previously ignored causes. Who in the West had given Malawi a second thought until Madonna pitched up, bringing with her the international media and, undoubtedly, valuable donations? And wouldn't thousands of African children be without antiretroviral drugs if it wasn't for Keys and her Black Ball fundraisers in aid of Keep a Child Alive? [...]

"Africa as a continent is torn by many issues, which are beyond the people's control, including poverty, AIDS, and genocide, says [Paschorina Mortty, of events company The One Event which deals with foundations], "so the more celebrities who want to support this beautiful continent, the better. Celebrity support opens up media space and allows the issues to come to the attention of the public and policymakers. Rightly or wrongly, we live in a society where the media and public have a strong interest in celebrities." [...]

Does this interest translate into the public good, or does it just become another way to prolong a problem? In the case of Madonna, I'm not too sure. Her earlier interest stunk to high heaven with the white savior complex, and the controversy over David Banda's adoption added further fuel to the fire. After spending some more time in Malawi, she seems to have shifted out of the idea that one raises awareness by adoption and horrific images of suffering, and has shifted to promoting projects and infrastructure. The new school is a good start, and a step in the right direction. But what will Madonna do next? Will she continue learning and implementing projects that contribute to long term solutions? Or will she go back to the standard celebrity charity junket? (If her plea on the Huffington Post is any indication, we are heading back to "your one time donation" territory.)

As Pool says:

But if all celebrities do is talk, demand money and portray the same old Africa of war, famine, and poverty, should they really be congratulated? Shouldn't we challenging them to come with something new to say about Africa?

Madonna Launches Malawi School Construction [Reuters]
Raising Malawi: Will You Join Me? [Huffington Post]
Arise Magazine [Official Site]
The White Man's Burden [Wikipedia]

Related: The White Man's Burden [Modern History Sourcebook]
The Brown Man's Burden [Dan McDowell's History Projects]
Dead Aid [Amazon]

Related: Meet The Neo-Colonialists: Madonna And Vanity Fair [Racialicious]

Right off the bat, Finke admits she's not into lists, writing:

"Last year I was on Elle's Women in Hollywood power list; this year I was asked to write it. That's ironic, because I hate power lists more than one-size-fits-all spa robes. These influential jobs are not necessarily comparable. Are the casting directors I included more important than the cinematographers and film editors I didn't? So what I have is a very subjective roster of women I deem essential to a town run by alpha males who don't play well with others. Women in general do."

The List is split up into sections; there's The Movie Executives; The TV Executives; the awfully titled "The Wives & Daughters." But first and foremost there's The Talent — which includes Tyra Banks, Beyoncé, director Kathyrn Bigelow, Miley Cyrus, Ellen DeGeneres and Tina Fey. Also on that list? Michael Patrick King, whom Finke calls "2009's honorary female." Finke explains:

He gave us the best years of Sex and the City on TV and can be credited for reviving the chick flick in Hollywood when the movie version grossed $415 million.

The commenters on Women In Hollywood are split. One writes:

I just dislike that she left out a woman in order to include Michael Patrick King as an "honorary female". It is not good to be told that a man knows and produces women's films better than women.

But another replies:

That bugged me as well… but then I thought, well… It's the biggest film starring a cast of women of all time. He may not be a woman, but his film surely did something great for women in Hollywood, especially with a cast of women 40+.

Here's the question: If a man sympathetic to women is in power, is it as good as a woman in power? I'm going to go with: No. Because the more women pulling strings and making executive decisions the better. But since Finke makes a point about the SATC franchise being a powerhouse — and generates some buzz by including a man — she gets a pass from me. Disagree?

The Most Powerful Women in Hollywood According to Nikki Finke [Women In Hollywood]
Nikki Finke's Power List [Elle.com]
Nikki Finke's Deadline Hollywood

Earlier: Hollywood Heavy Nikki Finke: Victim Of Misogyny, And Misogynist Extraordinaire

• Kate Gosselin says her kids have been misbehaving lately and, "I'm trying to give them the grace to see, if they're acting out of line, I'm trying to look deeper into why that is, why the kids are acting out..."

• She continues, "Cause it's all inter-related. I mean, they don't see it, but it's all interconnected." [People]
• This can't be good: Nadya Suleman says, "I kind of have a crush on Jon Gosselin," adding, "I think he's hot!" [Radar Online]
• Michael Kamrava, the fertility doctor who implanted Nadya Suleman with six embryos, has been kicked out of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine. The organization does not have the power to strip him of his medical license. [TMZ]
• Michael Lohan has announced he's going to meet with a judge and ask to put Lindsay Lohan under a conservatorship. A source says, "Lindsay is actively getting a restraining order, her lawyer have already been contacted. She's scared. This is really serious."
  [People]
• Roman Polanski was transferred from prison to a hospital on Friday for medical examinations. He'll remain in the hospital for several days being treated for an undisclosed condition. [People]
• Is Ashlee Simpson going to appear in an upcoming issue of Vogue? She was spotted recently at a"glamorous photoshoot for Vogue magazine at the Hilton hotel in Beverly Hills." [Socialite Life]
• The Heene family posted a note on the door of their Colorado home that reads, "Thank you for all of your support. We are not taking any interview any more. We are tired. Thank you. Heenes" [Us]
• Richard Heene's lawyer says he expects he'll be charged by Wednesday and when that happens Heene will plead not guilty. [TMZ]
• About two weeks ago Richard Heene posted a profile on RealityWanted.com advertising himself to casting agents and producers to be a reality star. [TMZ]
• Richard Heene was arrested in April 1997 in Los Angeles and charged with misdemeanor vandalism, vehicle tampering, and disturbing the peace. He plead no contest to the vandalism charge and was sentenced to 30 days in jail and 2 years probation. [TMZ]
• The FAA is investigating whether Richard Heene released the balloon without authorization. [TMZ]
• Shree Silver, who co-starred with Richard Heene on Wife Swap says he "had the mind of a mad scientist." Though he once threw milk on her she says, " I don't think he would be physically abusive." [People]
• David Hasselhoff may do a reality show. An A&E rep confirms, "We are discussing a possibility of doing a documentary series with David and his kids." [TMZ]
• After showing up 90 minutes late to a charity concert in Colorado Springs, DMX was told he couldn't perform. DMX, his bodyguards, and his fans got into a fight with concert security. There's video here: [TMZ]
• Simon Cowell is stepping up Leona Lewis' security since she was attacked at a book signing last week. "I was stunned anyone would want to attack her. We need to make sure she is protected," he said. [The Sun]
• Bethenny Frankel announced over the weekend that she's engaged, but is she pregnant too? A source says, "Bethenny premeditated all of this! She got pregnant and got engaged all for her own show." [Perez Hilton]
• Boy George says in prison, "You've got the classic picture of the balconies and the banging cups. I knew what to expect. I was quite hostile. Very hostile. And very grumpy. Not because I felt that way particularly, but because I felt it required that. The situation required me to be a bit feisty, a bit don't-fuck-with-me." [Daily Express]
• Randy and Evi Quaid didn't attend a court hearing in Santa Barbara this morning to settle their fraud case. The DA is giving them another chance to show up next Monday, but if they don't appear he'll have them extradited from Texas. [TMZ, Radar Online]
• Laura Dern has been cast as the headmistress of an elementary school in the Meet The Fockers sequel Little Fockers. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Michelle Obama will appear on The Jay Leno Show on Friday via satellite. [Entertainment Tonight]
• Stephen Moyer is walking with a cane after tearing his meniscus while playing with his kids. "I'd like to say it as some kind of thrusting, sexy injury," he said. "But it really isn't." [People]
• Jenna Fisher, who fell down a staircase and broke her back in four places says, "Before the accident, I wore size 26 jeans! I was truly in the best shape of my life. Afterward, I gained 10 lbs. and got flabby." But now, "I went shopping with my girlfriends recently, and I fit into my old-size jeans." [People]
• Jordan says, "Do you want to know the truth why we're not divorced? It's because it looks like Pete's still after my money. I texted him the other day and said, are you sticking to the pre-nup or are you after my money?" [The Sun]
• The Brits have nominated Jordan for Bounty Celebrity Mum of the Year. [The Mirror]
• The Tate Modern may have to destroy 12,000 catalogues for the Richard Prince exhibit Pop Life because they contain a nude picture of Brooke Shields taken when she was 10. [N.Y. Times]
• Wilmer Valderrama will star in a half hour sitcom based on the escapades of Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan. [People]
• Penn Badgley says dating Blake Lively may not have been the best idea. "Having a relationship with someone you work with might not always be the smartest move," he says. "But it's been wonderful to be in a relationship where we can both identify with what the other is experiencing." [Entertainment Tonight]
• Victoria Beckham will guest star on an episode of Gossip Girl A source says that at Posh's New York fashion show last month Blake Lively, "pleaded with her to guest star in an episode and ran the idea past producers." [Mirrow]
• Chris Kirkpatrick believes there may be an *NSYNC because, "You never know what the future holds. Anything could happen... We're all just being ourselves for a little while." We guess that Justin Timberlake will keep "being himself" for quite a long time." [People]
• "I've had some absolutely great relationships and some not so great relationships," says George Clooney. "I've been in some relationships where I've felt terribly alone. Just because you're with someone it doesn't mean you're incredibly happy and complete." [People]
• While accepting the Spike TV sci-fi actress award for Transformers 2 Megan Fox said, "I don't usually do this, but I wanted to say something,... There have been a lot of false reports about how I feel about this movie. I just want to be very clear that I've always felt I'm a very ordinary part of an extraordinary film." [Us]

In the July 2009 issue of Arise, an article called "The Beautiful Game" dove into the lives of rising semi-celebrities. Unfortunately, due to the cycles of Arise's distribution, this is the latest issue on the newsstands. However, the article was compelling because it is tracking a side of African culture that is normally lost in narratives about indigenous people and animal life. Life in many regions of Africa, particularly in the cities, has been thrown into hyperdrive by growth, investment, and the emergence of an African pop culture scene. "The Beautiful Game" chronicles these changes, but this isn't your ordinary Daily Mail-style puff/trash piece. It deftly reveals interesting tidbits about culture, gender, and the perception of fame.

The article starts off strong with a cheeky observation by writer Tamara Gausi, who notes:

As far as the tabloid press is concerned, the WAG title is the perserve of white girls with designer handbags that weigh more than they do. Save the occasional mention of French supermodel Noémie Lenoir, who's married to Paris St Germain midfielder Claude Makélélé, and British R & B singer Jamelia whose husband, Darren Byfield, played for Aston Villa, Sunderland and Milwall, non-white WAGs are as rare as black diamonds.

Or so it might seem. With hundreds of players from Africa signed up to top-flight European clubs, African footballers are some of the most famous sportsmen in the world. Men such as Chelsea's Didier Drogba, Arsenal's Emmanuel Adebayor and Barcelona's Samuel Eto'o might live the high life but they stay connected to home, and that mean attending African functions, going to African nightclubs, and dating African women.

The article also commented on the rapid spread of celebrity culture, something that has exploded in the region over the last decade.

With their jet-set lifestyles, flashy cars, and beautiful wives, footballers are not just icons but beacons of hope for young people on a continent when such riches are a fantasy for all but a few. "Most of these footballers come from very humble background," explains Ghanian sports and events manager Dennis Tawiah, "so seeing someone like Michael Essien go to the UK and become a millionaire gives people hope that they can do the same. That's why football is more than just a game."

And, just as football is seen as a way out of poverty, African WAGs are also more socially conscious than their counterparts, often taking pains to distance themselves from the WAG label entirely:

African WAGs have yet to scale the heights of fame achieved by their European counterparts, but Uche Eze [editor of the gossip blog Bella Naija] doesn't think they're far from it. "I think that the WAG scene is growing in Africa. But it's different because the famous footballers' wives here are women who have made a name for themselves in their own right, as opposed to the UK where the WAG attitude is, 'I'm dating a footballer so I'm going shopping every day, now I'm famous.' Just being famous for dating a footballer is not enough in Africa. The woman has to be doing something to capture the public's attention."

And indeed, these women do. The article features Miss Universe finalist Menaye Donkor, who co-manages her husband's brand, runs an orphanage for children with HIV/AIDS in Ghana, describes herself as "a tomboy" and rejects the shopaholic label. Or Rachel Ritfeld, the face of Akademics, model, and polyglot. Or even outspoken R & B singer Jamelia, who has nothing but disdain for women who exploit their relationships for media attention. While the article does dig into the salacious behavior of "wannabe WAGs" who are willing to take on the role of mistress in exchange for comfort, the overall feel is that African WAGs (whether they embrace the title or not) are equally as newsworthy and engaging as their European counterparts.

It is very easy to construct a narrow view about life in Africa based on the relatively grim news that comes over the wires. With the atrocities happening in Guinea, or the continuing situation in Darfur, it is very easy to lose sight of the fact that there are other stories happening everyday, and that life on the African continent is an ever evolving, ever changing narrative.

Official Site [Arise]
Official Site [Bella Naija]

After Jack dropped the term "real America," Liz informed him, "That's a nonsense term. All of America is "real America." Could that be a dig at Sarah Palin?

Jack's announcement also inspired Tracy to rediscover his humble bucket-drumming roots, while Jenna offered to "go country" since, "the best way for a lady to get heat in this industry is to either record a country album or have a lesbian relationship."

Speaking of feeling the heat, things are tight at NBC due to the recession, so Jack asked Kenneth and the rest of the pages to work longer hours for no overtime. Kenneth, understandably was outraged when he discovered that Jack himself is still earning a bonus, just as many "real Americans" were when they found out Wall Street executives were doing the same.

Meanwhile, Liz and Pete were secretly going to comedy clubs scouting for a new TGS cast member average Americans could relate to. The rest of the writers assumed all the sneaking around meant they were having an affair, and, rather than send them into a panic, Liz admitted, "Pete and I are intercoursing each other."

An opportunity opens up for 30 Rock to boost ratings by taking the lesbian route (sort of). Thankfully, they don't go there.

In the end, Liz wound up losing the entire TGS cast when Jenna and Tracy joined Kenneth's page/mall Santa/bucket drummer strike.

Jack threatened to end the page program, but Kenneth realized he was bluffing (Jack can't afford to pay real employees to do the work!) an, after Jack admitted to lying, the strike was called off. The moral of this story was: Kenneth may be simple, but he's not stupid (and can't be seduced by the sight of Steve Buscemi in a blonde wig).

Earlier: John McCain Plans To Win The "Real" America After You Godless Commies Are Locked Up

Here's a look at Kim's old wig. It didn't even match her bangs.


Did anyone else feel bad for Kandi at her engagement party? She and her fiancé, AJ (who has since passed away), received the shittiest toasts: one from a married man's mistress, one from a bitter divorcee, and one from her mother, who does not approve of the relationship.


How cute was NeNe through the years?

There are only three words to describe Padma Lakshmi: red hot mama.


As you know, I find this whole random-peekaboo trend rather tiresome. But man is Halle working it!


And speaking of which: who could work this good-witch fantasia like Iman?


Gotta say it: on occasiona, Grenier cleans up well. And I mean "cleans up" literally.


Hey, Mary J never said she cared about keeping a a reptile alive!


Gayle King: apparently highly influenced by that 'Mad Men'-themed Oprah! What say you?


Luck be a lady tonight.


Estelle takes the whole "Rescue" element literally and channels a sinister leather-clad girl scout.


Love Kerry Washington, love "Ascot Gavotte" - so what's not to adore?

[Images via Getty]

• For the love of God. Khloe Kardashian says: "I want to be a skinny pregnant person." Actually, what she says when she's asked about having kids is:

"Honestly, I just lost weight! I want to be a skinny pregnant person, like how my sister Kourtney looks so cute pregnant. I can't be a house [after] I just lost weight." She does sort of redeem herself by saying: "I am always fat no matter how much weight I lose… [My sisters and I] are all curvy and we are all accepting of our body types. I think if I was in Hollywood by myself, I would be so much more susceptible to falling into having an eating disorder." [E!]

• Maybe Khloe shouldn't hear this, but Kristen Stewart says: "You should see my brother; he's, like, emaciated. We both just happen to be really skinny." [Us Magazine via Allure]
• Kim Kardashian will get $50,000 for celebrating her birthday at Tao in Las Vegas. A source says, "Kim is worth the huge fee because she's so hot." [Page Six]
• Headline Of The Day: "Michael Jackson's Giraffes in $100,000 War" [TMZ]
• Sources say the Jackson family has been invited to attend the premiere of This Is It; but Katherine Jackson and other family members insist they have been snubbed. [TMZ]
• Did Nicole Richie and Joel Madden have a secret wedding? Radar Online found out that Joel got a marriage license earlier this week. [The Star via Radar]
• Lindsay Lohan's on probation for DUI and has a court date this morning because she "failed to meet an unspecified probationary condition." [NY Post]
• Madonna on quitting Tracy Anderson workouts: "I learned a lot of great things working out with Tracy Anderson, I did not ditch or fire her. I simply wanted to try a new method of working out when my tour ended. We remain friends." [Page Six]
• Madonna and Carlos Leon threw a party for Lourdes' 13th birthday on Wednesday at trendy NYC restaurant Delicatessen. Lola had red velvet cake. [Gatecrasher]
• Eminem has declined to collaborate with fellow Michigan-er Madonna. She says: "I wanted to work with Eminem. I don't think he wanted to work with me. Maybe he's shy." That must be it! [Avril Lavigne's new man is Dole Food Company billionaire Justin Murdock. Not a sk8r boi. [Daily Telegraph]
• Diddy was throwing money off the stage at a show when his $20,000 diamond studded ring flew off. So naturally everyone was frisked before they left the event, which they didn't like. Guess what? The ring was not found. "He ain't getting' it back," one witness said. "Someone pocketed that, and they probably took it to the nearest jeweler." My guess? Someone swallowed it and is hoping for the best. [NY Post]
• "David Beckham's son Brooklyn is carving out a sporting name for himself... as an American footballer." Coaches at his school have called him a "wonderkid" and a "natural thrower and hard tackler." [The Sun]
• Courtney Love: Reformed Hole and is in the studio recording new tracks. This paper declares: "Should be interesting because she can definitely rock out." [The Sun]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy are still on and he "has no plans of ruining a good thing." [People]
• Jon Gosselin has reportedly approached awards shows with requests to appear as a presenter — and has been turned down by at least two productions. [MSNBC Scoop ]
• The guy who punched Leona Lewis in the face is an aspiring singer who didn't make it as a contestant on X Factor. Of course. [The Sun]
• There will be no lesbian talk in Anna Nicole Smith's hearing. Adjust accordingly. [Mirror]
• Except you can read about how "Anna Nicole Smith's female doctor funneled drugs to the Playmate to fuel their lesbian love affair" at this link. [NY Post]
• Howard K. Stern was urged to send Anna Nicole Smith to rehab, but told Anna's bodyguard rehab "would kill her." [LA Times]
• Does Donald Trump really not know who Tilda Swinton is? [Page Six]
• So you know how January Jones' rack looks huge on the cover of GQ? "They definitely did some significant retouching," claims a source. But GQ photo editor says: "Yes, they're real. And they're spectacular… People think that a person will look the same in every photograph, but that just doesn't happen… Terry [Richardson] likes to work with harder lighting, and that can create a stronger shadow — that, and body position and perspective could give the illusion that her breasts are bigger. January Jones needed no help. Trust me." [Page Six]
• Jimmy Kimmel and new girlfriend Molly McNearney — who works on his show — had a sleepover. And this is news. News accompanied by a picture of Jimmy "pasty and shirtless" on his balcony, watching Molly leave the morning after. [Radar Online]
• Wood alert: Jesse Metcalfe says that doing sex scenes with Eva Longoria for Desperate Housewives made him "pop a wheelie." [TMZ]
• Whitney Houston is mad at Wendy Williams. [Gatecrasher]
• Kylie Minogue: Spotted making out with her Spanish hunk at a party even though her parents were there. [Page Six]
• Depeche Mode's Dave Gahan denies he said "Thank you very much, Chile" when he was in Peru. [AP]
• Nigella Lawson's back went out, so she put on a corset and ate a chocolate bar. I'll have to try that next time. [Daily Express]
• BREAKING: Karina Smirnoff loves being single. [People]
• Fred Durst got married in July. Then separated a month later. And now he's filed for divorce. [People, TMZ]
• A column called "A Night Of Round Table With Monty Python" is predictably full of weird jokes. [NY Times]
• The new cast of Celebrity Apprentice includes Darryl Strawberry, Rod Blagojevich, Sinbad, Sharon Osbourne, Bret Michaels, Cyndi Lauper, Holly Robinson Peete, Carol Leifer, (who wrote for Seinfeld and whom the character of Elaine was based on), wrestlers Goldberg and Maria Kanellis, chef Curtis Stone and Olympic gold-medal swimmer Summer Sanders. [NY Post]
• "At the age of eight I discovered that I could write songs. My dad used to take them to the notary and register them so that nobody could steal them from me. Who does that? What parent takes a treasure in his child's scribbles?" — Shakira. [Guardian]
• "Before my third album, they warned me that if nothing really happened, they were going to drop me. I knew it was my last chance, so I took control. I started to get more involved with production. I started to use my own influences. My music was influenced more by the Anglo-Saxons than the local tropical or Latin roots. When I was singing in Spanish, I had a more rock'n'roll attitude. I was very inflexible, very rigid in many aspects. There were things that would be completely unacceptable to me, like wearing a leotard, or showing my legs. I was more of a purist then." — Shakira. [Guardian]
• "I envisioned that as my life: staying in academia to make a living and then taking summers off to write my novels. I understand the self-loathing and the resentment, and the discipline that it takes to sit down in front of a typewriter or computer every single day, whether it's going well or not going well … I didn't need to research how to be a professor [for Californication's third season] because I'd already been a teaching assistant when I was pursuing my Ph.D.; it was a very clear memory." — Former Yale doctoral student David Duchovny. [The Daily Beast]
• "In Uganda, fat is beautiful. [Jessica is] always scrutinized by the world. Beauty starts from within." — Joe Simpson, Jessica's dad. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "I think that for the first few seasons, it was very clear that Amanda didn't want to be bothered with any type of work. She's at a fashion magazine because she loves fashion — mostly just wearing it. There is a certain reality show with a certain stylist [Newton declines to identify it, but duh, it's Bravo's The Rachel Zoe Project], and I thought, 'Oh my God, that's a glimpse of Amanda's future.' We're going to see that Amanda's love of fashion can help her get ahead in her career. Amanda has a real skill that can actually benefit Mode magazine, apart from looking cute - not that she won't still look cute." — Becki Newton, Ugly Betty's Amanda. [TV Guide]
• "I go outside, and I'm wearing a funky T-shirt and my hair is dirty, and people say, 'What's wrong with her? She needs to invest in a hairbrush. I'm like, don't you get it? I'm not that girl! Like, I never was that girl. It's not like I was really clean-cut last year. The commenters are usually worse than the bloggers. I know what people say about me." — Kristen Stewart. [Us Magazine via Allure]
• "I grew up going to Disneyland twice a week. But I was banned for a year because I went to Disney prison. I was really young so I wasn't responsible for this - it was all my brother's fault. You get a stamp when you leave the park which if you put hairspray on it you can transfer it to someone else's hand, so in the parking lot he went up to somebody and said, 'Hey can we spray hairspray on your hand?0' and we transferred it. And then we go in through the turnstile and there's people there called Fox Fighters or some weird name, They take us aside and I'm like six-years-old and my brother says 'No matter what they say do not confess.' He was like a professional felon at twelve!" — Blake Lively.[Showbiz Spy]
• "It started with the fact that it was my very first week on The View and Barbara and Whoopi asked me if I thought the earth was round or flat. The response that came out was, 'I don't know. I'm trying to take care of my son.' I was really nervous. I was totally outside of my comfort zone and I made a comment that I didn't mean to make. It was a brain fart. I did not know that people were going to hate me as much as they did. I mean like, hate me. My website crashed. But then the women of The View came together and said, 'If we didn't think you could be here, you wouldn't be at this table. We love you. We support you. Don't even worry about it.' I got a ton of e-mails from women saying, I don't care if the earth is round or flat either, Sherri. I'm just trying to pay my bills. That's when I realized that we've gotta give ourselves a break or permission to say dumb things and keep moving. I know what a lot of other women are going through, you try to be perfect for everybody. We've gotta give ourselves a break." — Sherri Shepherd on her new self-help memoir, Permission Slips: Every Woman's Guide to Giving Herself a Break. [Time]
• "I'm old. It's an interesting thing to watch yourself grow older on screen. I was watching Up In The Air and I thought, 'Jesus, who's the old gray-haired guy?' And it was me. I never wear makeup for movies and now it's starting to show. But I'm kind of comfortable with getting older because it's better than the other option, which is being dead. So I'll take getting older." — George Clooney. [Telegraph]
• "I want to hate Megan Fox more than anything. We all do. But I read a bunch of her quotes, and she's witty and smart and carefree. I thought, 'This is the kind of girl I'd love to be friends with' "—Kristen Bell in Women's Health. [Page Six]
• "It was a challenging year. I may have thrown myself off a building. I think work saved me. I'm very grateful I had work." — Madonna. [The Sun]

In a flurry of bill-signing yesterday, Schwarzenegger approved a measure to make the taking or selling of unauthorized photos a crime punishable by a $50,000 fine. The bill also allows lawsuits against media companies that publish such photos. As the ABC News clip above points out, Schwarzenegger himself has been the victim of paparazzi pursuit, and he signed another bill a few years ago that tripled the damages stars could receive if they sued paparazzi for assault. But of course, paparazzi are still chasing people, and it's doubtful whether this new bill will make much of a change either.

Parade editor Jeanne Wolf (who rocks a pretty impressive Kiss of the Spider Woman look above) tells ABC,

Everyone would applaud this law if in fact it did teach paparazzi how to be dignified in their treatment of celebrities and public figures. I don't see that happening right away. What I do see happening is a bunch of court cases.

Maybe said court cases will make paparazzi a little more careful — for a while. But as long as there's significant money to be made in the "undignified treatment" of celebrities, paparazzi are going to be as undignified as they have to be. And the truth is, they are only a very small part of America's fucked-up relationship to its actors, especially female ones. The publicity actually sanctioned by celebrities — the airbrushed covers and tedious interviews and faux-inspirational weight-loss photo shoots — is just as big a problem as paparazzi photos. The only difference is that such publicity asks us to look up to celebs, while some paparazzi pis ask us to mock them. The latter is more fun, especially given the boring, self-serving content of most celebrity profiles, but both contribute to the idea that we should be watching actors' every move. If said actors really wanted to combat this, they could stop giving interviews, posing in bikinis, and selling exclusive photos to favored magazines. Until they do, they send the message that fame is okay as long as they control every aspect of it — which is more than a little hypocritical.

Schwarzenegger Signs Tougher Anti-Paparazzi Law [AP]
Gov.'s Surprise Bill Signings: Harvey Milk Recognition, Paparazzi Restrictions And Ammo Tracking [LA Times]
Governor Signs New Anti-Paparazzi Law [ABC]

Freeman ticks off the men with whom Diaz has recently been linked (Jason Lewis,Jude Law, Leonardo DiCaprio, and now Keanu Reeves) and then writes,

Diaz gets portrayed as an enviable lady with a phenomenal sex life. Yet Jennifer Aniston, who is of a similar age (40 to Diaz's 36) and has even dated many of the same men, prompts international media condescension. Why the unfair discrepancy?

Freeman has several hypotheses, ranging from the plausible to the distasteful. She argues that Diaz has studiously avoided commenting on her breakup with Justin Timberlake — which, while true, doesn't fully explain the difference. Another theory is downright rude:

Both women are beautiful but Aniston clearly works, like most would have to, quite hard at this, as a comparison between early Friends episodes and recent GQ shoots proves. Diaz always came across as a naturally gorgeous tomboy who just surfs to work off her chips. This adds to the impression that Diaz would be a lot of fun to hang out with, particularly as she was a slapstick girl from the start, gaily making fun of herself in The Mask and smoothing spunk in her hair in There's Something About Mary.

To be fair, Freeman seems to be describing rather than endorsing this ethos, but it's still pretty sad to hear her pronounce Cameron Diaz lovable because she's naturally thin. The idea that women are supposed to be super-skinny but also "fun" ( i.e., eating junk food, not spending too much time in the gym) is one of the most annoying and limiting aspects of modern sizeism, and it's not particularly woman-friendly to categorize actresses in terms of how much it seems like they work out. But Freeman does offer one very likely explanation for the Diaz/Aniston dichotomy:

No matter how many teeth-whitened smiles Aniston makes to the camera, she will always be the woman who was left by Brad Pitt for the sexiest woman on the planet. The tabloid world has set this image in lucrative stone.

Basically, tabloids have a narrative for Jennifer Aniston, and that narrative is based on a relationship that ended over four years ago. It's a sexist narrative, and it's also become pretty repetitive and boring. But apparently it still sells magazines, or Jennifer Aniston wouldn't be on the cover of everything from Us Weekly to Vogue next to inconsequential quotes about Angelina Jolie. Cameron Diaz doesn't have a comparable story, perhaps partly because she's more tightlipped, but also because she can't be shoehorned into a triangle of really huge stars. The fact that Diaz gets to tell Vogue how eco-friendly she is, while Aniston will be answering questions about Angelina Jolie until the end of time, has to do less with how naturally thin we like our women, and more with a system that tries to fashion celebrity lives into an ongoing soap opera even when they're not onscreen.

Of course, Aniston's handlers know this, and exploit it by putting her on magazine covers from GQ to Vogue to Elle. Her publicists, agent, and Hollywood what-have-yous may not be outright telling her to keep talking about Brangelina — and she doesn't really explicitly mention them all that often. Still, if she'd never talked about her personal life, she might not be as famous as she is today. And those of us who are fucking sick of hearing how not-lonely she is would be a whole lot happier.

Why Are Cameron Diaz And Jennifer Aniston Treated So Differently? [Guardian]

Says the Washington Post,

If Chelsea Clinton is getting married on Martha's Vineyard in the next 10 days — and some chatty islanders plus the National Enquirer insist that she is — it should help to have a former commander in chief, a current secretary of state and a brigade of Secret Service agents acting as her co-conspirators. Though they've never confirmed an engagement, rumor has it that Bill and Hillary Clinton's 29-year-old daughter will wed longtime boyfriend Marc Mezvinsky at the estate of Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen, or some other family friend's estate, either this weekend or next. Or not.

The antics necessary to keep such an arrangement shrouded in the requisite secrecy - think a lot of document-shredding, aliases, and security companies. As the piece says, "Paper invitations are the ultimate liability." Your only chance is the top-secret getaway, the "decoy" trip, the "haha it's not a barbecue it's actually a wedding!" Because if these wedding planners are pros, the paparazzi are more than their match. "They'll go to bizarre, great lengths," says planner Mindy Weiss.

Upon reading this, I immediately thought: Hello Rom-Com! It's like The Wedding Planner meets Notting Hill meets some combination of 27 Dresses and How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Picture it: a control-freak wedding planner famed for her discretion ("they tell me you're the best," people will tell her repeatedly) is planning the nuptials of Brangelina-level celebrities. Meanwhile, charming reprobate paparrazo has to get the shots or get fired/not get a promotion. Obviously, he must infiltrate. But she's wise to him, and a series of tricks and false leads and red herrings ensues as they match wits and the sexual tension grows. Can they trust each other?
Can she relinquish control? Can he trust his emotions? Obviously the celeb couple engages in many comic-relief shenanigans, too. There may be a gay colleague thrown in, because. Haven't yet decided whether she has a stuffed-shirt boss or if she's too uptight and asexual to attract anyone until paparazzo loosens her up. The only thing I haven't figured out it...will true love prevail?

Keep Celeb Vows Veiled In Secrecy? It's No Snap [Washington Post]

The program scours the internet for information about the person and then fits them into a set of categories using an algorithmic process. Obviously from the results below, the process isn't perfect, but that's part of the point. The creators explain:

It is meant for the viewer to reflect on our current and future world, where digital histories are as important if not more important than oral histories, and computational methods of condensing our digital traces are opaque and socially ignorant.

In other words, it may be telling that one of Nadya Suleman's biggest categories is "fame," but "sports" winding up on Anna Wintour's profile probably means the computer misinterpreted combative phrases in articles about her.

You can check out what Personas reveals about your favorite (or unfavorite) people here. Feel free to share the results in the comments.

Click on the images below to make them larger:

Personas [MIT]

"Serious thinkers" talking about pop culture is sort of my favorite thing ever, almost as good as when opera singers cover Stevie Wonder or chefs "reimagine" Twinkies. In recent weeks, we've seen Wolf, Rhodes scholar, prominent third-waver and beauty myth-maker, ask "who won feminism?" - the humorless old hairy-leggers or those of us living the dangerous vida loca?! The answer, according to her Bazaar piece, is Angelina Jolie. See, that's why women love her - "she becomes what psychoanalysts call an "ego ideal" for women — a kind of dream figure that allows women to access, through fantasies of their own, possibilities for their own heightened empowerment and liberation." Hey, you said it, we didn't.

Wolf breaks down Angie's mystical appeal thusly:

She's Hot.

Bosomy and wasp-waisted, with that curtain of hair and those crazy pillowy lips, she is an obvious male sex fantasy...Polls also show that if women — not just lesbian and bisexual women but straight women — had to choose a female lover, they would want to sleep with Angelina Jolie. In other words, women both identify with her and desire her.

She Has it All.

She makes the claim, with her life and actions, that, indeed, you can get away with it. All of it. Against every Western convention, she has managed to draw together all of these kinds of female liberation and empowerment. And her gestures determinedly transgress social boundaries — boundaries of convention, race, class, and gender — giving many of us a vicarious thrill.

She's Done the Impossible Switcheroo from Whore to Madonna. Wolf points to Jolie's long, strange trip - from tiresomely brother-macking, blood-sportin' self-styled shit-show married to grizzled oldster with fear of antique furniture, to the (sexy!) paragon we all know and allegedly love.

She Flies a Plane.

Women are so used to being dependent on others (certainly on men) for where they go, metaphorically, and how they get there. Flying a private plane is the classic metaphor for choosing your own direction; usually, that is a guy thing to do, yet there was Jolie, with her aviator glasses on, taking flying lessons so she could blow the mind of her four-year-old son. That is the ultimate in single-mom chic: Even before she had reconstructed a nuclear (or postnuclear) family with a dad at the head of it, she was reframing single motherhood from a state of lack or insufficiency to a glamorous, unfettered lifestyle choice.

She's Takes Lovahs.

Equally ostentatiously in her role as lover, she took for her own pleasure the male seen as the most desired of the tribe, Brad Pitt, who is always ranked at the top of indexes of male beauty and virility. As for the constraints of social convention — ahem, he was still married? You can have a variety of feelings about this, but Jolie's evident disdain of that social constraint certainly, for better or worse, put her in the same self-entitled category as those men who have traditionally taken what they wanted and let the emotional chips fall where they may.

To those of us who find Brangelina impossibly dull (or, you know, fine in Girl, Interrupted and attagirl for UNICEF) her appeal is more like this: people like crappy movies, too. Movies full of abrupt transitions and overblown characters. (What this says about our feminist acumen I'm not sure, but then, Wolf doesn't think much of that.) I'm not sure if Wolf is paying Angie's fans the ultimate compliment or just being really patronizing. She's not wrong: clearly women are drawn to the dramatic highs and lows of the Angelina storyline, the family's beauty and diversity, the novelty of a movie star using her powers for good, the idea of a goddess who has it all. But is that a good thing? (If this is "having it all," "having it all" was a lot more literal than I ever knew.)

Brangelina are totally enigmatic; we don't know anything about them except the Harlequin-worthy synopsis. People like them because they can project whatever they want onto them. Maybe moms fantasize about Angie reading to her kids at night, then having hot sex with Brad. Those who want to turn their lives around probably are inspired by this scion of movie star and model who's fearlessly pursued a course of growing up. Doubtless somebody somewhere has taken up flying as a result. Hopefully a few have turned to good works. (Ideally no one, anywhere, will allow Angelina Jolie to have any impact on her decision to adopt or not.) Some woman involved with a married dude may stay with him that much longer because of her tabloid happy-ending. Some people will see The Last Kiss and think it's profound. And Naomi Wolf will look at Angelina Jolie and project her own fantasies: a feminist icon whom women love because they think the right way. And that right there pretty much justifies the Forbes pick.

The Power of Angelina [Harper's Bazaar]

Related: What's Angelina Jolie's Allure? [People]
The World's Most Powerful Celebrities [Forbes]
Who Won Feminism? [Washington Post]