The CDC's website has 174 e-cards that link recipients to information on the agency's website. There are cards for offering congratulations on a new pet, flu vaccination reminders, and get well cards, as well as more bizarre fare such as:

But, the cards we'd be most disturbed to find in our inboxes deal with sex, marriage, and babies. We like the idea of using an e-card to let your partners know you've given them a STD. For most of us, getting that e-mail would be enough to make us go get checked out, but the CDC's card explains you may want to get that clamydia out of your reproductive organs because you may want to put a baby in there some day:

Well, at least the CDC isn't homophobic:

On the surface this engagement e-card isn't too bad, but it links to a "safe and healthy bride" page that starts out by telling future brides to "eat healthy" and "make smart choices to help you look and feel good for your wedding, showers, parties, and new life together." It's the perfect way to tell a friend that you don't want to be the one trying to zip her into that too-tight wedding gown.

But, what if a few years have passed and she and her husband still haven't started a family? (And she has diabetes.) Just pass on this handy hint:

Once she's expecting, there are plenty of ways to let her know that you never considered her mom material anyway:

It's really unfortunate that pregnant woman can't drink, because they may have a hard time calming down after finding these troubling reminders in her inbox:

Even after the kid is born, you can continue sending her intrusive tips about her family. Most people who suspect a friend's child has ADHD would sit them down and break it to them gently, but you could also just forward them this:

Or, just let them know that you think their little rugrats have poor hygiene:

Generally, this is all good health advice, we just don't want to be reminded that we and our loved ones are constantly in mortal danger via e-mail.

Health E-Cards [CDC.gov]
Safe And Healthy Bride [CDC.gov]

Earlier: You've Got Mail! And Something Else...

So what gives? There's so much judgment (see Page Six's nasty treatment of Kelly's continuing to breast feed her "walking, talking" two year old) on both the pro-and-anti-breast feeding sides, we decided to look up what some fairly impartial sources had to say on the matter, since all of us here are childless whores who don't know about birthing babies.

Weight Loss: Dr. Joan Meek, a pediatrician and author of the American Academy of Pediatrics' new mother's guide to breastfeeding tells MSNBC that when it comes to calories expended, "It's really how much total breast milk the baby takes in over the period of the day. The average mom will make about 24 to 28 ounces of breast milk a day. It takes about 500 calories to make that much milk. Some of those calories come from fat stored during the pregnancy or previously, and some come from the mother's daily nutrition." However! "We don't recommend women significantly reduce calories during breastfeeding. It's more helpful to increase exercise. Most women will actually lose weight in spite of what they're eating. Many feel they can practically eat anything they want, which is unlike any other time in life! Enjoy it!"

Hurtiness: Doesn't it seem like having a wee one clamped to your breast might be a tad bit painful? According to the La Leche League , "Some deep breast twinges during let down can occur as the milk ducts constrict to force the milk towards the nipple. As your body becomes more used to breastfeeding, these disappear." They also say that it's all about positioning, and "Your back, arms, feet and elbows should be well-supported, and your shoulders and neck muscles relaxed." But, you can also get infections like mastitis, and if you don't empty your funbags frequently enough, you could get flat nipples that are difficult for babies to latch on to.

Duration of Nursing: Dr. Meek says that 6 months is standard, and she recommends going through the child's first birthday. However, "Mother and baby should decide when to wean," and the World Health Organization says that up to two years is kosher.

Udderly Icky [NYP]
Salma Weighs In On Breastfeeding And Postpartum Pounds [Lil' Sugar]
Answering Your Questions About Breastfeeding [MSNBC]
Breastfeeding FAQ [CDC]

Though in the CDC report from November, government statistician Stephanie Ventura said, “It's way too early to know if this is the start of a new trend…But given the long-term progress we've witnessed, this change is notable," Fox News found a fear mongering doctor to make far more definitive statements about the slight upswing. Said Dr. Keith Ablow: “It’s not pretty and we really need a public health response that’s very vigorous to counteract this."

While the rise in teen pregnancy after a 14 year drop is certainly something to monitor, using nine-month old statistics to drum up hysteria is disingenuous. Or you know, you could just follow Fox News and start panicking immediately. Break out those chastity belts moms of America!

Report: Teen Pregnancies Up For First Time In 15 Years [CNN]
Teen Pregnancy Rate Hits 15-Year High [Fox News]
Teenage Mothers Rose In 2006, Reversing A 15-Year U.S. Decline [Bloomberg]
Teen Birth Rate Rises For First Time In 14 Years [CDC]

Earlier: Teen Pregnancy Rates Are Declining — Or Not

Among the other longterm trends noted in the report released yesterday: Pregnancies have risen steadily among single women in their 20s, and nearly half the babies born (45 percent) were born to unwed mothers. And, according to a (not biased at all!) study sponsored by four groups who consider themselves part of the "marriage movement," unwed mothers are costing taxpayers more than $112 billion a year. The sponsored research was conducted by Georgia State University economist Ben Scafidi, and, reports MSNBC, the statistics "were based on the assumption that households headed by a single female have relatively high poverty rates, leading to higher spending on welfare, health care, criminal justice and education for those raised in the disadvantaged homes." Economics professor Tim Smeeding offers a dissenting opinion to those who think marriage is the answer to those ballooning taxpayer costs: "I have nothing against marriage — relationship-building is great. But alone it's not going to do the job. A full-employment economy would probably be the best thing — decent, stable jobs."

Teen Birth Rate Rises For First Time In 14 Years [CDC]
Pregnancy Rate Drops For U.S. Women Under Age 25 [CDC]
Fewer U.S. teens Are Getting Pregnant: Study [Reuters]
Study: Divorce, Unwed Parenting Costs Billions [MSNBC]

Earlier: Teenage Pregnancies On The Upswing; Is Angelina To Blame?

Nothing in the news today unscores this reality better than the story of Christi Layne, currently in the hospital and suffering from stab wounds inflicted by her estranged husband. Ms. Layne, a teacher, was attacked in front of her fifth grade class at Notre Dame Elementary school in Portsmouth, Ohio yesterday, just 13 days after she filed for divorce from her husband, William Michael Layne (Mr. Layne shot himself to death shortly after his attack). Remember, ladies, if you need help (or someone you know does), the number for the National Domestic Violence hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE.

Quarter Of U.S. Women Suffer Domestic Violence: CDC [Reuters]
Teacher Is Shot By Husband In Front Of Students[MSNBC]

Each risky factor raised the odds of sexual activity by 44%. Boys with more advanced puberty development started sex early. Teens with low self-esteem may start sex to boost their self-images or gain popularity, Price speculates. Defiant kids with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, those whose parents had little education or those who regularly watched certain types of TV also tried sex sooner.

Plus, chlamydia cases reported in the USA have just topped the 1 million mark for the first time, with the highest rates among adolescent girls, the CDC reported today. And John Douglas, director of STD prevention at the CDC in Atlanta, thinks that number is low. "We have reason to believe that chlamydia is dramatically underreported," he says.

So what shall we do? Fight at the source? How do we encourage parents to spend more time with teenagers? How do we limit the amount of TV teens watch? How do we manage teenage self-esteem? And how do we keep teenage boys from giving teenage girls chlamydia in record numbers?

Study Pinpoints Factors For Early Sex [USA Today]
Chlamydia Tops 1 Million Cases, With STDs Rising Slightly Overall [USA Today]

It's not the first time the CDC has warned us about gonorrhea's increasing resistance to antibiotics, however. In 2002 and 2004, Hawaiian, Californian and homosexual gonorrhea carriers were informed their strains were probably too strong for even the anthrax-fighting Cipro. And now, says the Wall Street Journal, the disease has spread to the point that the most disease-resistant city in America is Philadelphia. Having had sex not only in Philly but in California and the Hawaiian Tropic Zone (don't ask), we began to worry: Might we have gonorrhea? After the jump, the [Often disgusting! -Ed.] specifics of our consultation with our resident sex expert, Slut Machine.

Moegetsaround: have you ever had Gonorrhea
slutmachine: yes
Moegetsaround: so apparently it's fast becoming resistant to the longtime standard antibiotic
Moegetsaround: it's joining the list of "superbugs"
slutmachine: i took 500mg of cipro
slutmachine: really?
slutmachine: that's because everyone has it
Moegetsaround: think i do?
Moegetsaround: how would I know
slutmachine: you would know
Moegetsaround: does it smell?
Moegetsaround: I feel like I'm always smelling.
slutmachine: actually, mine morphed from gonorrhea into bacterial vaginosis, so maybe it was resistant to the antibiotics
slutmachine: it drips
slutmachine: actually, it plops
Moegetsaround: Oh, i've totally had bacterial vaginosis
Moegetsaround: it PLOPS?
slutmachine: i remember i was squatting over a toilet to pee and all of sudden i heard this bip plop and there was like a dollop of like really really old sour milk on the toilet seat [That was just fucking unnecessary. -Ed]
Moegetsaround: Wow.
Moegetsaround: Yum.
slutmachine: hahaha
slutmachine: i thought it was a yeast infection, which i've actually never had
Moegetsaround: you've had a yeast infection
Moegetsaround: there is just no fucking way
slutmachine: but then the next morning i got a call from a dude saying he had gonorrhea and he probs gave it to me, which he did
slutmachine: some girls aren't prone to them
slutmachine: i constantly get UTIs
slutmachine: i think that's the trade off
slutmachine: i have UTIs like every fucking week
Moegetsaround: I used to have those
Moegetsaround: I have it all!
slutmachine: it's better now that i've only been sleeping with one person
slutmachine: i may not grow babies, but i grow whole civilizations of bacteria in my vagina!

CDC Pushes New Anti-Gonorrhea Drug [WSJ]