Pop Quiz! Are You Smarter Than A Bush Administration Spokespretty?

Moe — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:00:05 EDT

Remember Bush Administration spokespretty Dana Perino and that tough time she had remembering just what the Cuban missile crisis was? Well the other day she had another little missile crisis on Fox News Sunday, which is to say, she explained, she doesn't really know what a missile is sorta, because, um, totes, kthanxbai, she was born a girl. "Some of the terms I just don't know," she explained. "I haven't grown up knowing. The type of missiles that are out there: patriots and scuds and cruise missiles and tomahawk missiles. And I think that men just by osmosis understand all of these things, and they're things that I really have to work at — to know the difference between a carrier and a destroyer, and what it means when one of those is being launched to a certain area." Um, yeah, like if you launch a destroyer from a Tomahawk off the coast of Pakistan, could it even reach far enough to spray California with nerve gas? Truth be told, I don't know, which is why I took it upon myself to make up a little refresher quiz. See if you can identify the photos of some of the things Dana has been learning about!

[Answers: A. Aircraft carrier B. Tomahawk missile C. Patriot missile D. Scud missile E. Destroyer]

There. Don't you feel more osmositized already? Next time, I'll write you a little shopper's guide and try to explain which ones you can get in New York, and which you can only special-order from Russia.

Well, Honey, I Got News For You [TooHotForTNR]

Do You Get Dumber Around Blondes?

Moe — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 17:30:18 EST

Here's a study that explains pretty much human civilization: in a nutshell, men get stupider around blondes. It's some phenomenon called the "Bimbo Delusion" and apparently what happens is that, encountered with fair haired females, their brains go into Standby mode in anticipation that the conversation is going to be, like...you know? Ummm...where was I going with this? Oh yeah, so scientists basically made men take, like, IQ tests or whatever after being shown pictures of various women, and they did okay through the Beyonces and the Lucy Lius, but as soon as, like, the Girls Next Door showed up they totally bombed. Needless to say some blondes — not me! — are doubting this finding, like some Marks & Spencer model who's all, "If I'm being insulted, then I'm blissfully unaware." Which is like, well yeah. Anyway guys, do me a favor and forget I'm blonde for a second, so I can get in my little PSA.

Look, I'm pretty sure we're all susceptible to the "bimbo delusion" — to the point that it's totally no longer a delusion. LIke, I learned how to talk "blonde" from other blondes and I still can't get anyone to take me seriously. Not that I deserve to be taken seriously, but you see? It's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Now, it's true that blondes can use the world's assumptions that they're brain dead to their advantage — but most of the time, they're too busy using their blondness to their advantage! And meanwhile, the world keeps getting highlights. It's madness! And, like, it is only getting worse! Seriously, remember how dumb you sounded in high school? Now go watch The Hills. Feel better? You shouldn't! This is some sick Darwinist shit in action here, but like with global warming, we can all do our part.

DYE YOUR HAIR.

If not for you, for the next generation of smarter, if less comely children you will have with the dude who is attracted to you for reasons other than...uh, what was he saying?

Blondes Aren't Dumb, Men Are [WSJ]

Jezebel: cause i'm a blonde

Pop Quiz! Are You Smarter Than A Bush Administration Spokespretty?

Do You Get Dumber Around Blondes?