[New York, August 9. Image via Getty]

NEW YORK - AUGUST 09: Italian-Americans gather during the 'The Dance of the Giglio' at the Giglio di Sant� Antonio Feast in East Harlem August 9, 2009 in New York City. The festival originated in the town of Brusciano, Italy and honors Saint Antonio. East Harlem once held the largest population of Italians in New York. The giglio is a tall wooden structure built to honor patron saints in Italian towns and is carried on the shoulders of men in a ritual that dates back hundred of years. (Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images)

I have a hard time with these articles, mostly because I was raised in an Irish Catholic household, by a mother who still attends church every Sunday morning and who sent us through the standard Catholic upbringing; CCD classes, confirmations, Lenten rituals, and a common usage of the phrase, "Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph," in times of annoyance or frustration. I was also a choir leader for about 5 years and can bust out a tune from the Glory & Praise songbook at any given time.

President Obama's commencement speech today at Notre Dame is thrusting the Catholic church into the spotlight once again, as conservative Catholics are currently standing outside of the school, protesting his speech, as he is pro-choice, and they are not. Catholics like my mother, however, see these protests and say, well, "Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph. For Gawd's sake. Cripes Almighty."

For people who weren't brought up Catholic, it's a bit hard to explain how one can identify as Catholic but not actually believe in the things the church has taken on, politically. I stopped attending church with my mother shortly after high school, as I felt disconnected from the church's views on homosexuality and abortion, and felt like a big old liar sitting in a pew, saying prayers, and acting as if I belonged there. And then, in true Irish Catholic form, I felt guilty about not feeling guilty about not going to church anymore. You can leave the church, but you can't leave the ol' Catholic guilt!

Recently I had to go to the hospital for a procedure. The admissions people asked me for my religion, in case anything happened to me during my stay. I hesitated. "Catholic?" I said, "Yes, Catholic." The truth is, I don't really care for organized religion at all, but Catholicism, I suppose, is more of a cultural connection at this point than a religious one, if that makes any sense. I am not a fan of the Vatican, I am often angered and repulsed by the Church's administrative side and their political views, and I do not tithe to the Catholic church for those very reasons, but I knew if something had happened to me in that hospital, God forbid, my mother would have wanted a priest there.

I've asked my mother how she feels about gay marriage (she supports it) and how she feels about abortion (she thinks women should have a choice). But when I try to explain to her that these views are the polar opposite of the church that she's been attending for 50+ years, she just says, "There is a lot of good there, too. Nobody ever talks about the good."

My mother represents the shifting identity of the American Catholic that David Gibson touches upon in his piece, "Who Is A Real Catholic?": "American Catholics — and there are upwards of 65 million of us — are going their own way on many matters of faith and especially on issues ranging from priestly celibacy to political candidates, and there seems to be little the bishops can do about it. If there is a true swing vote in the U.S. electorate today, it is the Catholic bloc," Gibson writes, "That willingness of American Catholics to break ranks with such long-held tenets is evident in surveys on a number of issues, including church teachings regarding celibacy and birth control."

So what does this mean for Catholicism? Perhaps it means that, as in every religion, there are extremists and moderates, there are those who are conflicted on certain aspects of a religion that they've been raised in, and that the as the identity of the Church changes, perhaps those in it will change the way they label themselves as well. My mother will always be a Catholic, practicing. I will always be her Catholic daughter, lapsed. Both of us, I think, have the right to question the religion we were raised in. Cripes almighty, forever and ever, amen.

Obama, And Protests, At Notre Dame [NYTimes]
Who Is A Real Catholic? [WashingtonPost]

[Nazareth, Israel; May 14. Image via Getty]

NAZARETH, ISRAEL - MAY 14: A woman prays during vesper celebrated by Pope Benedict XVI on Basilica of Annonciation on May 14, 2009 in the Galilee town of Nazareth in northern Israel. The Pontiff is nearing the end of his eight-day pilgrimage to the Holy sites in Jordan, Israel and the West Bank. (Photo by Carsten Koall/Getty Images)

The IHT writer interviews a bunch of Catholics in Scranton to highlight the back-and-forth about abortion and voting that happens among the Catholic faithful — if not their leaders — while showing at least some of them swinging toward McCain (and one being racist). Although the Church regards the practice of abortion as a sin, excommunication isn't exactly standard practice for the women of Catholic faith who have had them, since you can cross your legs and — as a friend of my mother's did in high school — wear a hat in the pew and never tell the priest about your abortion. For politicians, on the other hand, it's another story. In the last few years, players in the Church hierarchy have begun vociferously pushing the idea that not only are women who get abortions and the doctors who perform them going to hell, but that the politicians who support the right of non-Catholic women to believe that abortion is not wrong — and Catholic women who believe that the Pope is wrong — are also going to hell.

Joe Biden, for instance, was warned by a local bishop not to try to go to church in or around Scranton, Pennsylvania (his hometown) as he will be denied Communion. Conservative Catholic groups have called for all pro-choice Catholic politicians to be treated similarly in an effort to pressure them to choose their religious faith over their constitutional responsibilities. (Even Catholic writer and professor Douglas Kmiec was denied Communion (i.e., excommunicated) for having the audacity to support Barack Obama because he and Obama believe that Obama's pro-woman, pro-sex ed policies can actually reduce the incidence of abortion by reducing the economic hardships faced by pregnant women...and the number of pregnancies altogether. Shocking, I know.)

Amusingly, as I like to keep repeating, former McCain surrogate Carly Fiorina recently claimed that it is the Democrats who are trying to hold women hostage to the party on the issue of abortion. Well, I'll be damned if too many Democrats go around using their actual pulpits to actually damn people to actual hell (assuming there is a hell to which one can be damned, but Catholics believe there is). Actually, I guess I'll be damned anyway.

In addition to Biden, many politicians — Nancy Pelosi, Tim Kaine, John Kerry and Ted Kennedy, for instance — are practicing Catholics. As such, they are asked to believe that abortion as wrong. And as politicians sworn to uphold the Constitution of this country, they are asked to commit to this leetle thing we like to call the separation of church and state (and to represent the views of their constituents). When your religious values conflict with your responsibilities as a politician, that's a difficult thing to handle. Most do so in the same way that my mother does: they believe that abortion is wrong, but don't believe their religious views should be forced on people who don't share those beliefs. That's called being "pro-choice."

Abortion Issue Again Dividing Catholic Votes [International Herald Tribune]
Denied Communion For Backing Obama [Andrew Sullivan]
Abortion's Foes — On Both Sides Of The Aisle [Wall Street Journal]

• Oh my GOD POLITICIANS WHO UPHOLD THE RIGHT TO A BABYKILLING RECEIVED THE BODY OF CHRIST DESPITE KILLING BABIES. What is next, women who actually have submitted their wombs to this murderous murder method? The abortion doctors themselves? WHAT IF THE VIRGIN MARY HAD MADE THIS SO CALLED "CHOICE"?? No one would have believed her rape kit! [AP]
  
• Oh fuck, a debate tonight. [Philly]
  
• With apologies to SinisterRouge...[Huffington Post]
  
• And here's a concession: Barry started wearing the flag pin again. Authentic! [LAT]
  
• Maybe he is just proud of the country for embracing its own bitterness and John McCain for praising his race speech and Hillary Clinton for getting drunk. Hey, I'm proud almost proud myself... [AP]
  
• Which brings us to...where can you see the word "fuck" more than Jezebel? Our military barracks' bathrooms in the Middle East. A fucking awesome photo essay. [Walrus]

• And yes, I am going to need this. [WSJ]
• And speaking of oppressive bureaucratic organizations from which you don't want to receive angry paperwork...Al Qaeda! [LA Times]
• And speaking of the funny ways of terrorists, the Las Vegas ricin attacker is an unemployed 57-year-old graphic designer. [AP]

MEGAN: By Friday, I swear, it's like sheer force of will to drag ass out of bed.

MOE: seriously. I did that thing that I never do where I assumed it must be Saturday.
 
MEGAN: I was like allllllmost awake, and then I fell back asleep again.

MOE: Also, I feel like there's no Crappy hour that can beat yesterday's. Though I found Andy Armsberg's spare MySpace profile.

MEGAN: get through airport security.

MOE: Do you think that the Pentagon would have bought all that ammo from him if they had known that in October 2005 he said that

for the moment im basically just working and chilling with my boyz when im not, im looking for some hobbies like i keep saying im gonna go to the gym and i started playing football again which is definately my favorite sport. im one of those guys who needs to be entertained and having lots of fun all the time so if your also an undiagnosed case of ADD look me up.

MEGAN: No, I mean, I read that and it's no longer surprising that he was a military defense contractor.

MOE: I bet he totally sends text messages such as "I'll need someone to fuck around 11:45."
8:55 AM 
MEGAN: Or the one I sent you last week, which came from a defense contractor! "News flash: looking for a fuck tonight. That said, how are you?"
 
MOE: Oh right. NEWS FLASH.
Looking...for...a segue. What is in the news? Guess who they just had on Hannity last night?

MEGAN: A pirate?

MOE: This guy. I don't really know how to describe his worldview, except to say, "I'm really glad Fox gives equal time to all irrational, inexplicable and yet also hateful viewpoints such as

MEGAN: Oh, Christ, I watched his shit last week. Obama's a pimp? He's got a white mama and is thus is... evil. He's practically preaching like the evils of interracial relationships only from the other side of it. Wright's a total moderate by comparison.
OMG, my favorite headline this morning just popped up! "Dempsey to become Central Command chief"
  Sadly, it's not Patrick.
 
MOE: hahaha I guess we should talk about the Iraq today.
  It seems to be in the news.
And we never officially celebrated the fifth anniversary of the invasion.
  
Also under stuff we never did: get oil?
It looks like the evildoers control the oil territories.

MEGAN: Ah, well, than I guess suddenly the reason we're still there is now clear. Fuck "stopping" a civil war, we just need to wrest control of the taps from whomever hates us and has control.

MOE: Speaking of do you ever think about the Middle East when you are squeezing your pores? Because I actually wrote about how I do that yesterday, and now I am referencing it again, and I bet if I consulted my Facebook Horoscope "Intellect" rating it would be 3% right now, and that is exactly where I will probably click next. But maybe in the name of defying Astrological Determinism I should read about Basra.
  Oh fuck, haha, speaking of my diagnosed case of ADD, I meant to make this about Bob Casey endorsing Obama.

MEGAN: I did read that! I don't squeeze my pores, I use one of those Tweezerman things I showed you and I usually do it to relax and focus, yes. But I'm not normally focusing on the Middle East.
  
Oh, Bob Casey.
 
MOE: And also, have some sort of conversation that I am going to sound soooooo credible having right now re the fact that Obama is smarter and better informed on pretty much every issue than John McCain and that could make for an amazing campaign.

MEGAN: Does anyone actually question whether Obama is smart, or smarter than McCain? McCain's never been known as a hyperintellectual Senator, just one with good staff.
Also, Bob Casey is totally an Obamublican, even though he's a Democrat. Congrats, Pennsylvania, on electing an anti-choice Democrat to office. No worries about Supreme Court picks or abortion politics there!

MOE: I think McCain is smart. He's just the "talker" kind of smart. He is that guy who will date you on the basis of the fact that you get his jokes and then six months will pass and he will have this weird moment where he starts actually listening to you and goes, "Huh. You kind of have a point there, kid!"
I didn't know that Iraq had finally returned to its prewar level of oil production, to return the subject to my pores.

MEGAN: I totally did a Body Shop tea tree oil mask last night to cut my oil production.

MOE: Who bought oil from Saddam Hussein prewar? Anyway, whatever you know, when capitalism gives up on Iraq I think we know who's won.

"You'll see some limited initiatives to get a foothold in the country," said David Kirsch of PFC Energy, a Washington-based consulting firm. "What you are not going to see though, we estimate, in the next 10 years are the conditions that allow you to do the really significant type of investments that could let Iraq hit its geologic potential of six million barrels per day."

MEGAN: But President Bush told me yesterday that Iraq is negotiating its entry into the WTO, so everything will totes be okay.

s

MOE: Anyway, back to Obama for a second. Forgetting my own personal hard-on for the guy, he does an amazing thing when he is talking to capitalists, and that is he discusses economic policy in a way that doesn't even remotely sound like populist rhetoric. I doubt his interview with Maria Bartiromo will be sound-bitten anywhere or repurposed into campaign propaganda. He made her look like an idiot. He gave a little chuckle when she said, "But! Small business! They are WORRIED! That you're a SOCIALIST!" and he said something very telling about how they say they're worried when these surveys get taken because they're taken by local Chambers of commerce after said chambers of commerce hold luncheons and get them worried, systematically, every time there's a minimum wage increase on the table or whathaveyou, and how the sky never falls and they're losing their credibility. I wonder if he was referring to Chicago, where I vaguely recall some economic development project that demanded all employees get paid $10 an hour? Anyway, whatever. He sounded intelligent and sober and she sounded reflexive and ideological.

MEGAN: Oh, Christ, I ALSO love how everyones that thinks there should be more government intervention in the economy to prevent market failures is a Socialist right up until Wall Street wants the Fed to pony up a gazillion dollars to save their asses from the market failures of their own making.
Also, my only props to the Money Honey, having just seen her on TV on Sunday for the first time in a while, is that she seems to be Botox-less. You go, Maria. Be your insane market-will-solve-all hotness without knives or shots.

MOE: He also pointed out that he wasn't an ideologue. Anyway, not to babble on about this but an undecided reader saw him give a speech yesterday and wrote me an email complimenting me on "placing my bets" with him. Lol.

he gave a brief speech and then spent about an hour or so answering questions from the audience. a lot of the questions had to do with his campaign. he was very forthcoming about the past and future challenges of his candidacy, concerns that he wouldnt be able to get the necessary funding or establishment support, that he was too white or (more recently) too black, too professorial or too rhetorical, etc., etc. he acknowledged that the main challenge in the general election will be overcoming concerns whether he has the right temperament to lead the nation in a time of crisis. he conceded that a lot of people will be taking a leap of faith to put a first-term african-american senator with a name like barack hussein obama into the white house at a time like this. he got into specifics on a couple of items, e.g., energy, funding for veterans, general economic malaise, phased (and responsible) withdrawal from iraq (with which i tend to disagree), the need to engage iran (with apt comparisons to jfk-krushchev, reagan-gorby, etc.). the thing is this: there's all this meta-stuff about his campaign that a guy like me can get caught up in, but when it comes down to it, the fact is that he is a convincing candidate.

MEGAN: Oh, no, honey, don't worry! Paulson says that the President's stimulus package will totes create 600,000 jobs.
 
MOE: Oh yes. And Hillary is still around. Look! It is my girlfriend Peggy!

That's what the Bosnia story was about. Her fictions about dodging bullets on the tarmac — and we have to hope they were lies, because if they weren't, if she thought what she was saying was true, we are in worse trouble than we thought — either confirmed what you already knew (she lies as a matter of strategy, or, as William Safire said in 1996, by nature) or revealed in an unforgettable way (videotape! Smiling girl in pigtails offering flowers!) what you feared (that she lies more than is humanly usual, even politically usual).

MOE: Meh, I think the "You have to lie and be Machiavellian and speak in poll-tested half-truths and appeal to statistically-proven demographic subniches to get anything done in this terrible cynical political world" is a total cop-out. That said, I regularly lie about certain things, I am sure. Like I think I say that I am 5'7 even though I am probably just 5'6.5 because everyone lies about their height. Which reminds me of that thing about the North Koreans and how they're not tall enough.

MEGAN: I dunno, all candidates talk like that. Obama probably talks like that. Bush promised no more wars to prevent other countries civil wars and no more nation-building. The problem is that most Americans don't want to hear the truth, they want to hear what they want the truth to be.

5 minutes

MOE: No, you know what? I think that's the thing. I do think that this country has gotten to the point where they're like, "NO. Just give me the diagnosis. Tell me. Don't fuck around." And Obama is the guy who's like "hard work and positive thinking and some surgery to remove malignant tumors here and there and we just might beat this thing" and McCain is like "grit your teeth and give me all the radiation I can take cause I can TAKE IT! I owe it to my buddies!" Oh god, it's 9:44 and we still haven't discussed Bob Casey.

MEGAN: Bob Casey endorsed Obama. He's not charismatic or particularly popular.
  
But he is a superdelegate, which Obama needs and Clinton needs to keep him from getting.

MOE: Bob Casey is a pro-life Catholic who unseated Rick Santorum by a beautiful 20 point margin in which I am pleased to report I was part. Bob Casey is not someone with the clout or the machine of someone like an Ed Rendell or even a Mike Nutter, but he is someone with a different kind of influence because of that. Can you think of another openly pro-life Obama supporter? I think that goes over big with a lot of Pennsylvanians. Apparently the state is 30% catholic. I'm actually surprised that's not higher. Related: why does it seem like everyone is from Pennsylvania originally? Not just SarahMC.

MEGAN: It's the 6th most populous state, and yet the economy isn't that great so people go elsewhere?
 
MOE: Whoa, Condi addressed the fact that she is black? WTF.

MEGAN: Wow, and she didn't even crap on affirmative action.

• Tori Spelling has become a minister. Proving what we have been telling y'all for round about a week now: God is dead. [USA Today]
  
• The former Surgeon General says the Bush Administration encouraged him to dispense information about stem cell research and sex education with shades of the "theological agenda." His speeches were also edited to make sure that pesky things like facts were left out. Well, at least these assholes are consistent! [WSJ]
  
• What's more on-again-off-again than Jessica Simpson and John Mayer? The potential delaying of Nicole Richie's DUI trial. [Reuters]
  
• The American Psychological Association is reviewing its official stance on homosexuality, in a move that potentially could discredit those who try to "cure" it as if it were a mental illness. [USA Today]

• Can't Salman Rushdie get a break? First his wife Padma Lakshmi dumps him, and now Al-Qaeda is out to get him again. [BBC]
• Frenchmen and women are told by the country's Economy Minister to stop, like, being philosophers and shit and y'know, show up at work. [CNN]
• Meanwhile at the Vatican, the Pope one-ups this and tells non-Catholics that they're not actually Christian. [CNN]
• 4 U.S. casualties identified. [DoD]