• Amy Winehouse was supposedly in the hospital because she was sick, but now her dad says:

"It wasn't because she had a cold. She's fine, she just had a little [pointing to his chest] leaky something or other." All together now: What kind of fuckery is this? [The Sun]

• Mariah Carey is supposed to turn on the Christmas lights at a shopping mall in London, and has asked for 20 white kittens and 100 white doves as well as confetti shaped like butterflies to shower her after she emerges from a Rolls-Royce driven on a pink carpet to a podium where she will wave a wand to turn on the lights. A source says: "We did manage to source the doves that we were going to release into the sky, but the kittens proved terribly difficult. In the end, it was made clear that due to health and safety, there was no way we could have the animals." [Telegraph]
• Brad Pitt declined an invitation to the October 31 Grand Prix Ball Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates — even though he was offered $5 million to attend. He went trick-or-treating with his kids instead. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Levi Johnston "made a big show" of sitting in first class. [Page Six]
• Kirsten Dunst is windswept on the cover of Allure, and inside she says that she and ex-boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal do not keep in touch: "It would be nice to see him," she says. "But we're not good friends." [Us Magazine via Allure]
• In this Q&A, Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke talks about casting Robert Pattinson as Edward, the "electricity" between Rob and Kristen Stewart when they auditioned for her, the sexytimes the cast got into ("You have this hot, young cute sexy cast and you're out of town at hotels. It's going to happen") and her encouraging RPattz to work out: "He's a Brit and they hit the pubs all the time. They don't look too kindly to gyms." She also says that when he first got cast, there were pix of him out and looking like a slob, and fans of the book were upset that he was Edward Plus: "One day he came to me and said, I got this email forwarded to me about how revolting I am. I said, Rob, you cannot read these things. Don't torture yourself. And he said, I didn't. My mother forwarded that to me." [Time]
• Robert Pattinson was at a signing, where "you kind of get 10 seconds with each person and you never really say anything and I kind of got bored of saying, 'Hey, how are you doing?'" So then: "[A fan] said in her 10 seconds, 'What can I do to get your attention?' I was like um, just take your clothes off." What do you think happened? "She stood there and frantically started taking her clothes off and got dragged out of the room by security. I never felt more terrible." [People]
• Is Nicolas Cage broke because of bad judgment? Or because he lived in a house with bad juju? The manager Cage sued in October countersued last week, claiming he warned Cage not to buy castles in England and Bavaria and that Cage ignored him. The guy claims he told Cage he would need to earn $30 million a year to maintain his lifestyle. But! Cage once owned the notorious LaLaurie House in New Orleans, where a doctor and his wife tortured slaves. According to legend, "Many people have lived there since, but every inhabitant moved out within months or suffered tragedy and death." [Page Six]
• Oprah Winfrey's sit-down with Sarah Palin was the highest rated Oprah show in two years… since the entire Osmond family appeared in 2007. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "Victoria Beckham Loves Sex and Salad, Not Burgers." [Us Magazine]
• Asked if she prefers sleep or sex in an interview with Allure, Posh responded: "Sex! I'm getting into bed with David Beckham every night, so, you know, there'd be something wrong if I said 'sleep.'" [The Sun]
• Taylor Swift is suing a sports bar for using her music without permission. [TMZ]
• Janet Jackson's label is putting a lot of effort and cash into promoting her greatest hits album, because they quietly signed her to a new contract next month. [Gatecrasher]
• Leighton Meester needs a doctor who makes house calls. Don't we all? [Gatecrasher]
• Carrie Prejean has been asking Donald Trump for advice; he suggests: "she should become a major porn star, make millions of dollars, and give it to worthy causes." [Page Six]
• Countess LuAnn de Lesseps is dating author Coerte Felske, a "handsome blond," who will be in Real Housewives Of NYC. [Page Six]
• Will Ferrell is Hollywood's most overpaid star, thanks to Land Of The Lost, which cost $100 million and made "only" $65 million. Surely he is trapped in a glass box of emotion right now. [Reuters]
• Brad Whitford, guitarist in Aerosmith, thinks Steven Tyler might be on something: "I suspect there's a lot more going on than we know about. He has a well-documented history of drug abuse, and I find myself very suspicious. I haven't seen him do this or ... have any personal knowledge, but the isolation is very typical of addictive behavior, and his — what I call — irrational behavior." [Reuters]
• Shaquille O'Neal is curating his first art show, titled 'Size DOES Matter.'" [Page Six]
• 50 Cent has opted for tattoo removal. "I took 'em off," he says. I've been on a few acting projects and they been making me get up… My call time is four hours before the regular acting talent because of the tattoos. I've got a project I'm supposed to be doing with Nicolas Cage, called The Dance, it's a boxing film… when you're a fighter you're sweating and with a whole bunch of make-up on and stuff like that, it doesn't look real to me." [MSNBC]
• Jennifer Hudson will play Winnie Mandela in an upcoming film; she says: "I was compelled and moved when I read the script. Winnie Mandela is a complex and extraordinary woman, and I'm honored to be the actress asked to portray her." Of course, she will also do what she does best: Sing the flick's theme song. [Gatecrasher via Variety]
• Heather Locklear's return to Melrose Place gave the ratings a small boost, so she'd better not end up dead in the pool. [NY Post]
• Sherri Shepherd and MVP are so on. [Gatecrasher]
• Joe Francis has tax problems. Serious tax problems. The IRS wants $33,819,087.14 [TMZ]
• Wait, Faye Dunaway owes $1920 in back rent? How much is her rent? How many months is that? [TMZ]
• Hamish Hamilton, who directed the MTV Video Music Awards, will direct the 2010 Academy Awards. Kanye's gonna let him finish… [MSNBC Scoop]
• Zsa Zsa Gabor is okay, her husband insists. "My wife is not dying — it is ridiculous… he gets all the tabloids and she sees the things and she just smiles. She says, 'Tell them I'm still alive.'" [ET]
• "[I decided to do the Tonight Show because of] how shitty it is just trying to develop comedy right now. How dumb ideas are seeming to be rewarded. How a lot of the networks seem to have basically thrown in the towel on comedy and said ‘We just basically don't know what we're doing or what works,' and we just kind of have more stuff where the dad's kind of a jerk, the mom knows best, and everybody just kind of insults each other for half an hour and at the end everybody says they love each other and tune in next week for it all to start again." — Andy Richter. [NY Mag]
• "I was always aware of acting. I remember watching movies on TV when I was young, thinking, 'Oh, come on, that isn't acting.'" — John Malkovich. [Spectator]
• "I've never seen it and nor will I ever. It's a cult. I don't believe in it." — Miley Cyrus, on Twilight. [MSNBC]
• "After we were done, I was like, 'Wow, America is so poor. Just the towns you come across — all that's there are restaurants and gas stations. There are beautiful stretches of pasture, but for the most part, people live simply. The East and West Coast are so different from the rest of America." — Kirsten Dunst and a friend took an "eye-opening cross-country road trip. [Us Magazine via Allure]
• "Having a girlfriend is like playing whiffle ball. Being married is the war in Iraq." — Jerry Seinfeld. [Page Six]
• "There are females doing it, theatrical and a bit over the top. Lady Gaga, Pink, Christina Aguilera — they all put on a show in the spirit of Madonna, dressing up and creating a theme. But there hasn't been a guy do it for a while. In the '70s and '80s there were a lot of artists that did it but for some reason it kind of fizzled out." — Adam "Glambert" Lambert. [Reuters]
• "That image to me seemed really striking and kind of wild. I felt I looked almost inhuman. It was that whole David Bowie-Ziggy Stardust thing where you think he is an alien. It is a weird image and I liked that it was weird. I am weird. I'm nice. But I'm weird. Maybe eccentric is a better word. I'll pick that label." — Glambert, on his album cover. [Reuters]
• "It's funny because Spanish people have no problem with nudity at all… And English people obviously do have the most enormous problem with it. Little things, like when I saw my father getting changed for swimming, I was traumatized by it… I kind of freaked out a bit. [I would get naked for a role but] I think it would depend on what it is. And I don't think a lot of people would really want to see that. I think it would ruin the illusion!" — Robert Pattinson. [NY Daily News]
• "Luke and I are engaged and we'll get married when I want to. But he isn't even 21 yet, so he can't drink in America, so what's the point in getting married until he can?" — good point, Kelly Osbourne. [The Sun]

Here are some highlights from this year's report:

• The lead article, "Females Make Inroads Into Conducting," is actually rather depressing. Few women have ever conducted orchestras in the U.S. or abroad. Though a handful of female conductors have been making headway since the '70s, no female conductor has ever been named artistic director of one of the top-tier American orchestras, and less than 12% of orchestras of any size are headed by women in the U.S. In March, Chinese-born conductor Xian Zhang was named musical director of Milan's Giuseppe Verdi Orchestra, becoming Italy's first high-profile female conductor, and in the U.S. women have recently been named artistic director at three smaller regional ensembles: the Reno Philarmonic, the Berkeley Symphony, and the Flagstaff Symphony. "There's still a lot of sexism in this field, though it seems to be changing, albeit slowly," says Atlanta Symphony Orchestra music director Robert Spano. "Apparently, we can have female prime ministers abroad and female secretaries of State, but not female music directors. It's been quite discouraging."
  
  
• It seems Mad Men's January Jones has taken Tracy Jordan's advice to "live every week like it's Shark Week" to heart. She was honored for her work as Oceana's celebrity spokesperson for decimated shark populations. She grew up in landlocked South Dakota and was fascinated by the ocean. "I had shark book and every documentary I could get my hands on. I think they're incredibly beautiful and prehistoric," she says, "Without sharks, there is no ocean life." Jones is filming PSAs for the group and later this month she'll head to D.C. to fight for a bill that would stop finning, the process of removing a shark's fin for food then letting it die a slow death in the ocean. "You already can't bring sharks without fins intact into the Atlantic coast. This (law) would expand to the Pacific, effectively stopping finning in American waters," she says.
  
  
• Maria Bello, who has starred in A History of Violence and ER was honored for her work with the Save Darful Coalition. "In 2003, when the genocide started happening, I thought it was my duty and my right and my privilege as a human being, as a woman living in a democracy, and as a public figure to speak out and use my voice to talk about the injustice," she says, "I found out through being a part of Save Darfur that it is the women and mothers who are transforming and changing the face of the peace process in Darfur and in other countries. We're working on creating a council of women from D.C. and the media and business — real women leaders who can work to promote issues of social justice and be involved from the ground level up."
  
  
• Sigourney Weaver was recognized for her work with The Flea Theater in New York City, an Off Off Broadway theater that produces noncommercial work in a professional atmosphere, and gives young thespians the opportunity to work with established artists in various workshops and productions. "I went to arguably one of the better drama schools in the country (Yale) in the 1970s, and I came out of that school not really knowing very much," Weaver says. "I found that working in Off Off Broadway shows was a real artistic home. I learned on my feet working with new plays and writers; that's where my true training really began."
  
  
• It seemed a little odd that Tina Fey was left off last year's list, but now it seems it was for the best. Did Variety predict that Fey hadn't reached her peak yet, even before the world became aware of a certain Alaska governor? Since Fey's responses to the standard set of questions Variety asks all the women in the report are culled from previous interviews, we'll assume she's been so bombarded with accolades this year that she didn't even bother to respond. The same goes for Kate Winslet, who is recognized for finally winning an Oscar this year. Variety reports that her "career mantra" is "There's more to life than cheeckbones," which is actually just something she told Rolling Stone... in 1998.
  
  
• Alice Ripley won a Tony this year for her performance as Diana, a bipolar wife and mother who undergoes drug and shock therapy in Next to Normal. She says, "The role takes a woman onstage in a musical to a place she has never been, and takes the audience as well." Variety asks about her "philanthropic passion" and she makes a rare admission for an actress: "I don't honestly have the time or energy to support anybody else's cause but my own, which is self-expression. So I guess if I had a cause it would be education."
  
  
• Southland executive producer Ann Biderman says, "I'm just writing about people that I care about... I don't believe in those restrictions that say men are interested in copshows and women are interested in romantic comedies. In [Southland] there's this huge struggle between chaos and control. Those life-and-death stakes will always be intriguing."
  
  
• Many people were shocked that The Hurt Locker, a film about the war in Iraq, was directed by Kathryn Bigelow... a woman. "Of course I find gender typecasting more than a little old-fashioned and dated, but it doesn't bother me," she says. "Honestly, more than anything, I'm happy if people like the film. I've been around long enough to know it doesn't always go that way."
  
  
• Jane Campion, whose latest film Bright Star is about the romance of Fanny Brawne and John Keats says, "I was familiar with Keats, as many people are, as someone from long ago, dusty history, school... You don't really understand it, you don't know much about it. And I was really shocked reading Andrew Motion's Keats biography a few years ago when it came to the love story, because I found it completely compelling — mostly because of the letters from Keats to Fanny. I felt terribly touched with the tragedy and the beauty of that first love; there was something so tender about it for me. That's something I like in this world, tenderness. Something I wanted to share."
  
  
• Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke says she refused to do the sequel New Moon even after the film had the biggest opening weekend for a film by a female director ever. She explains that she's always turned down sequels but, "when Twilight made all this money my agent said, 'Maybe they'll really let you do what you want and give you more time.' I knew Chris Nolan had three years between 'Batman' movies, Jon Favreau had two years between 'Iron Man' movies." However, "Since the kids are not supposed to age they wanted to release the new movie a year to the date of the first. So I would have had less prep time than I had on the first one."
  
  
• Nora Ephron says despite her many successful films including this summer's Julie and Julia she still doubts herself sometimes. "I'd always wanted to have the career of someone like Woody Allen," she says, "but I don't know how he does it. I could never produce multiple films a year every year. Even if they paid me huge amounts of money and let me use all the unfinished scraps I have in my closet."
  
  
• CNN's chief international correspondent Christiane Amanpour will begin hosting her own Sunday news show on the network this month called, Amanpour. "We'll tackle the big issues of our time in terms that are relevant and understandable," she says, adding, "I'm apprehensive, of course... It's completely different for me."
  
  
• When asked about her "leisure pursuits" Rachel Maddow says: "I drink. I'm a hobbyist bartender. I make pre-Prohibition, classic American cocktails."
  
  
• "I think 'nice' is a very effective way to do business and always pays off in the long run," says Andrea Wong, Lifetime's president and CEO. Apparently Wong wasn't following this rule when she poached Project Runway from Bravo, but she explains she wanted the show because it's "the perfect fit for where I wanted to take this network." JoAnn Alfano, the network's executive VP of entertainment says, "Everyone knew the Lifetime name, but we had become so synonymous with victim movies that if a woman was experiencing a bad situation, people would say, 'You sound like a Lifetime movie.' Look, it's a marathon, not a sprint. Changing that perception will take time."
  
  
• In addition to making Joan Holloway and Betty Draper look fabulous on TV, Mad Men costume designer Janie Bryant's work is so popular that "Mad Men style" has crossed over into real life. We've noticed the show's huge influence on women's clothing, but didn't realize it's having an even bigger effect on men's fashion, which usually changes very slowly. Arthur Wayne, director of communications for Brooks Brothers, says menswear is "more evolutionary than revolutionary, but for the last two years we have seen a real shift in men wearing slimmer suits. I think what Janie has done for the show plays right into that." Brooks Brothers made some of the suits worn on screen in season three and Bryant designed a "Mad Men edition" suit for the store. It comes out later this fall and is expected to be a big hit with both men, and women forcing their significant other to dress like Don Draper.

Women's Impact Report '09 [Variety]

Earlier: Variety Honors, Offends Women In Entertainment

• Morgan Freeman is planning to marry his 27-year-old step-granddaughter E'Dena Hines, who he raised since she was a child... if you believe The National Enquirer.

• E'Dena is the granddaughter of his first wife, but Morgan raised her with his second wife. It's alleged his long, secret relationship with E'Dena is what led to his ongoing divorce from his second wife. [National Enquirer]
• Jim Carrey is going to be a grandpa! His daughter Jane Carrey and her boyfriend Alex Santana are expecting their first child. "I am very excited," said Jim, "Jane is going to be a great mom." [Radar Online]
• In an interview with Larry King, Michael Jackson's dermatologist Arnie Klein admitted that he gave him Demerol, but only "on occasion" to sedate him. He said he donated to a sperm bank once, but not specifically to MJ, and said at one point that he's not the father of Michael's kids. [TMZ]
• Two sources close to the Jacksons said Janet Jackson tried to stage an intervention for Michael Jackson two years ago with the help of her brothers, but MJ just ordered security to stop letting family members in and even stopped taking calls from his mom. "If you tried to deal with him, he would shut you out," one source said. "You just wouldn't hear from him for long periods." [CNN]
• People couldn't figure out how Michael Jackson's casket got out of the Staples Center undetected, but it has been revealed that it was taken though an underground maintenance tunnel and loaded into a van, which took the casket to a refrigerated mortuary storage at an undisclosed location. Mystery solved! [E!]
• According to California law, Joe and Katherine Jackson get the final decision in where to bury Michael. [MSNBC]
• In a new interview Nadya Suleman talks about Michael Jackson's death, because obviously we're just dying for her input. As for the reports that Michael wanted to adopt her octuplets, she says, "That's funny. That's a rumor." [Radar Online]
• The BBC has received 473 complaints about its coverage of Michael Jackson's memorial service. Most were complaining that two channels were devoted to the service, and others were annoyed that their shows were preempted. [The Telegraph]
• Maureen McCormick says that Eve Plumb is the only Brady Bunch cast member who won't be on Oprah's reunion show next season because she's upset about a lesbian rumor Maureen started as a joke. Eve said through her agent: "No one from Oprah called. We haven't turned down anything. There is no feud." [The Daily Express]
• In what is possibly the most insane lawsuit ever, a woman who calls herself the "most beautifiliest angel lusefer" and claims to be the "reincarnation of Venus Aphrodite Demilo" is suing Hugh Hefner for $3 billion because she claims he's part of a pedophile ring and hid under her bed when she was five so he could assault her. [TMZ]
• Red City Entertainment is suing Lil Wayne because the group allegedly paid him $432,000 for a concert appearance in the Bahamas, but he didn't show up. When police went to investigate, they found Lil Wayne unconscious in his hotel room. [TMZ]
• WTF? Someone vandalized Ed McMahon's Hollywood Walk Of Fame star. [LAist]
• Debbie Matenopoulos and Jay Faires divorce still isn't over because they're fighting over their $4.3 million house. Faires wants to sell it but Matenopoulous is stalling. [TMZ]
• Patricia Arquette has called off her divorce from Hung star Thomas Jane. [TMZ]
• Mariska Hargitay says she was "so scared" when she suffered a collapsed lung on the set of Law and Order: SVU while doing a stunt. "At first I thought I had the wind knocked out of me," she said, so she just ignored the injury for three months. She kept experiencing chest pains and shortness of breath and eventually she realized she needed help when it worsened and she felt, "sort of like someone stabbed me. I went down on one knee and just couldn't catch my breath." [People]
• The sixth season of Top Chef will premiere on August 26 and Natalie Portman will guest star in an episode this season. [E!]
• In her most recent GOOP newsletter, Gwyneth Paltrow writes that she was about to drop a few pounds recently thanks to a juice detox diet. "I feel pure and happy and much lighter," she wrote, "I dropped the extra pounds that I had gained during a majorly fun and delicious 'relax and enjoy life phase' about a month ago... This program allowed me to work and exercise regularly, something I cannot do if I am on a liquid-only detox." [Us]
• Bono has been granted permission by the city of Dublin to install a wood-pellet boiler to heat his Victorian mansion. [The Independent]
• A homeless man Stephen Baldwin let live on his property in New York was busted for heroin possession. Baldwin was trying to help him get his life back together. [TMZ]
• Fifteen dogs will be selected to appear in the national tour of the 101 Dalmatians Musical. Most will be rescue dogs. [USA Today]
• Do you want to look like Heidi Pratt? If so, check out her new downloadable workout series. [People]
• Tom Green and Lindsay Lohan both recently claimed that their Twitter accounts were hacked, but E! thinks it may be a convenient excuse for when a Tweet doesn't go over well. [E!]
• Joel Madden says British Airways never apologized for making him cover up his tattoos before boarding their flight. "I wasn't really mad about it," he said. "But after the fact, I go, That was really wrong, actually." Still, he's not going to sue. [E!]
• You'd think with all the Hitler and Josef Fritzl jokes, Austrians wouldn't like Bruno, but they're embracing the film. "This man is proud of his homeland, so we're proud of him," said one woman, "Austria has a new ambassador. Thanks, Bruno!" [Breitbart]
• Sinitta, who dated Simon Cowell on and off for 16 years says, "On and off, because Simon was a horrible cheat! He was a horrible cheat. He was always disappearing and stuff, you know, and I'd have to work and he'd almost be laughing as he waved me off on a plane to Japan, like: 'Great, I'm going to have a really good time while you're away'." He allegedly hit on her sister and her best friend while they were together. [The Sun]
• Hayden Panettiere says she was bullied in high school: "I was tortured, emotionally tortured by these girls. Every time I came back from filming, it would be me trying to find my way back into the clique. And they weren't having it." [Just Jared]
• Roseanne Barr has decided it's a good time to go after Michael Jackson on those molestation charges. She wrote on her blog: 'If Michael Jackson thought Jordie's dad was ripping him off, he should have stood up in court and fought, like innocent people do. Innocent people do not choose to avoid trials where they are accused of sexually abusing children. They fight, knowing that this is the worst thing in the world to be accused of if innocent. They do not pay millions of dollars to make non existent charges go away! For any celeb to have been a part of glorifying and excusing the unforgivable actions of an obviously guilty predator, I say...Shame on you." [Roseanne World]
• "I'll literally pay three Hollywood readers who don't know me to read my scripts under the radar and give cold comments. And at the early screenings of my movies, I'll hand out questionnaires that can be filled out anonymously so people can be brutally honest because to your face they won't be. I'll take the papers home, read them by myself, cry and go 'My God, that was the coolest scene and everybody hates it!' But that's fine because my goal is to always make it better." — Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke. [Reuters]
• Margaret Cho on the last time she made a wish: "I was eating a breakfast taco at the airport, and I found an eyelash in it. I was so disgusted, but I ate it anyway because I was hungry and tired. I wonder if I still get to make a wish. And if I do, it'd be 'I wish I didn't eat that taco.'" [OK]

• Kiefer Sutherland may be looking at a minor assault charge in NYC for headbutting designer Jack McCollough. The real problem?

He may have violated the probation of his L.A. DUI conviction. If so, it's back to the slammer. [People]

• According to this report, Kiefer Sutherland will surrender today and be charged with with third-degree assault for his "attack" on Jack McCollough. [NY Daily News, TMZ, E!]
• Kiefer will get a desk ticket for the headbutt — meaning he won't be jailed and he's free to travel. [NY Daily News, NY Post]
• Donald Trump intends to make a decision about Miss California Carrie Prejean very soon; additionally, the guy from the website which has been releasing "controversial" photos of her says he has more, and he intends to post them. [E!]
• The Carrie Prejean semi-nude pictures will "roll out" slowly. [CNN]
• Chris Brown's lawyer, Mark Geragos, has filed legal papers asking the LAPD to state how the picture of Rihanna was leaked to TMZ. If there was misconduct by law enforcement, Geragos will file a motion to have the case dismissed. [TMZ]
• Oprah wrote her Time 100 essay about Michelle Obama on her BlackBerry: "And then I went to hit the wrong button and the whole thing deleted! I went to hit 'Save' and instead I hit ... 'Oh my God! Oh my God! It's gone!' That ever happened to you? And then you can't remember - not one sentence you wrote." What did she do? "I couldn't even think for two days… I couldn't even, like, think of a sentence. I stared at the BlackBerry, then I hit every button trying to make it come back. I hit 'Options.' I did everything!" Then she started over. [New York Mag, Gatecrasher]
• Lindsay and Sam: Romantic relapse? A source says Sam might take LL back. They've been texting and "having visits." But another source says: "Lindsay plays stupid mind games saying she is being pursued by major celebrity actors. She has a lot of free time to play all these childish games. Sam knows in her head, life is truly better off without Lindsay." [People]
• This paper claims that Lindsay Lohan "chased her ex-lover across LA yesterday before finally tracking her down at 2am and demanding one of those horrible late-night discussions." [Daily Mail]
• Steve Zahn had to touch Jennifer Aniston's ass for the new flick, The Management, and says: "We had to do it so many times. It's so weird, very awkward and bizarre. [But] she's a pro, a gifted actor, humble, modest, a genuinely kind person. She has no agenda. She's just a really beautiful person." So wait: she's not desperate and lonely, sobbing over an empty uterus? Huh. [People]
• Jennifer Aniston says if there's gonna be a Friends movie, "they should hurry up." [Mirror]
• Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Cooper: Flirting??!?!?!?! [Page Six]
• In the new Marie Claire, Beyoncé says that when she was singing for the Obamas in January, she was almost overcome: "I had to tell myself, 'They asked you to do this. You have to do a great job. This is their history. Calm down. Calm down… I barely made it. Literally seconds before the song started, I was crying like a 5-year-old." [People]
• In this video, some dude who works security at a Pennsylvania motel says Jon Gosselin from Jon & Kate Plus 8 shows up frequently and was seen "romantically kissing" a woman who was not his wife. [Radar Online]
• "Twilight fans fell in love with Robert Pattinson as a vampire who makes girls swoon. But in Little Ashes, which opens on Friday, the actor explores a relationship that could reshape his heartthrob image." No one wants you to forget that he sexes a dude in this flick. No one. [Reuters>]
• Another day, another Michael Jackson lawsuit; this one involves a former publicist who claims, "Mr. Jackson has elected not to honor the financial obligations of our contractual relationship." She wants $44 million. [TMZ, Reuters]
• Reese Witherspoon is thought to be connected to a man named John Witherspoon, who left Scotland in 1768 and went on to witness the signing of the Declaration of Independence. A BBC series, A History Of Scotland, will tell his story. [Daily Express]
• Guess who's started working out with Tracy Anderson — Gwyneth and Madonna's trainer? Emma Thompson. [Daily Express]
• Are cops in Massachusetts targeting celebs in Massachusetts? What's with all the searches on Tom Brady and Matt Damon? [E!]
• Dr. Phil has fired 15 members of his staff. "It was a bloodbath… People who had worked together for years suddenly were unemployed," says a source. Ouch! Someone call Oprah. [Perez]
• WTF headline of the day: "When Harry Met Tranny." (Daniel Radcliffe had dinner with a drag queen.) [The Sun]
• JJ Abrams says of the original TV series Star Trek: "I remember appreciating it, but feeling like I didn't get it." He was not a Trekkie! "I had no idea there had been 10 movies! I still haven't seen them all." [Guardian]
• Speaking of Trek, Zachary Quinto couldn't do Vulcan fingers while filming and JJ Abrams had to glue his fingers together. [Page Six]
• Director Robert Rodriguez was working on an adaptation of Barbarella — with Rose McGowan playing the Jane Fonda role, naturally — but the project is now dead. No orgasmatron! [MTV]
• Jennifer Aniston, Holly Hunter, Elizabeth Banks, Catherine Hardwicke and cinematographer Petra Korner will be honored at the 2009 Crystal + Lucy Awards, presented by Women in Film. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Katie Holmes will star in a thriller called Don't Be Afraid of the Dark, scripted by Guillermo del Toro. Xenu knows she could use a hit flick. [Variety]
• Robert De Niro and Edward Norton will star in an indie psychological thriller Stone, about a a correctional officer (De Niro) who is seduced by the wife of a convicted arsonist (Norton) up for parole. [Variety]
• Susan Boyle is now in the top 5 list of most watched viral videos, right under Soulja Boy and something called Achmed the Dead Terrorist. [NY Daily News]
• Megan Fox wants to be like George Clooney: "He's sarcastic, and he has a different girlfriend constantly. It's considered charismatic. He's like this James Bond, sexy dude. The older he gets, the better he gets. It's a double standard. To be outspoken, or different at all, is a problem for women. As soon as you curse or, God forbid, make some sort of sexual reference that's a joke, you're (labelled a party girl). They don't do that with men, so I feel it would be a lot easier." [Mirror]
• This was in Midweek Madness, but here it is again: Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate is a "tattooed bisexual." The horrors. [The Sun]
• Liz Hurley thinks people look sexier in the country than in the city. Also, she likes to have sex on sheepskin rugs in front of fireplaces. [Daily Mail]
• In 2000, Jemima Khan's plane was hijacked; she says her hair turned white after the incident and she's had to dye it ever since. [Daily Express]
• A new biography reveals that Stephen King "spent most of the Eighties on an extended drug and alcohol binge which so fogged his mind that even today he cannot remember working on many of the books he wrote during that period." [Daily Mail]
• Ryan O'Neal says Farrah Fawcett has "lost her famous hair" from battling cancer. [Daily Express]
• Ryan O'Neal also says: "It's a love story. I just don't know how to play this one. I won't know this world without her." [People]
• Trent Reznor is pissed at Apple, because a Nine Inch Nails iPhone app was rejected for having 'objectionable content." [NY Daily News]
• RIP Stanley Tucci's wife, Kate. [Page Six]
• Olympic silver medalist Sasha Cohen is returning to competitive figure skating. Will we see her in Vancouver for the winter Olympics? [AP]
• Stephanie Tanner Jodie Sweetin is being sued for not paying her Home Owner's Association fees. How rude! [Perez]
• James McAvoy, Elizabeth Banks, Laura Linney and Anna Friel will star in The Details, a flick about a a couple who discover an infestation of raccoons in their back yard. [Variety]
• Rare Marilyn Monroe photographs for sale — on eBay. [UPI]
• Blind item! "Which film director could give Robert Pattinson a run for his money in the odor department? The big-time movie man smelled so badly during a recent shoot that even his actors couldn't stand to be around him!" [Gatecrasher]
• "Would I run for public office? A delegation of Democrats from Ohio asked me if I wanted to run for a Senate seat in 2004, and I said it was a tempting offer, but no. We already had an old actor in national politics, and it didn't work out so well. He shall remain nameless." — Martin Sheen. [Mirror]
• "The rumours aren't true. We aren't moving. So many people come up to me and say 'I hear you're moving.' We love America. We've been very happy here." — Victoria Beckham. [Mirror]
• "I've never changed my name officially. I never have and I never will. In my heart, I am still Ramon. I love the name. I would never give it up." — Martin Sheen. [Mirror]
• "I'd like to see Benson and Stabler get together...but I can't let that happen. Mariska [Hargitay] and I have been a wonderful, solid married couple now for 10 years-we see each other more than our families. It's just nice to get a different dynamic in there every once in a while." — Chris Meloni. [E!]
• "I'm looking for an encyclopaedia and a dictionary. A bit of the Boy Scouts Handbook. A person who is conscientious about the trail he leaves behind him. I'm attracted to intelligence and creativity and passion — and not necessarily the romantic kind. I want to learn from someone who is greedy for information and light and laughter and the whole world." — Renée Zellweger, on what she looks for in a man. [Mirror via Glamour]
• "We know the people whose lives are on the line-those who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender-will be there. But we need everyone there. Especially straight people." — Charlize Theron, who is encouraging Californians to attend a Meet In The Middle For Equality rally in Fresno. [E!]
• "I'm a big fan of Tyra's! She is sexy. I mean, I don't really get obsessed with anyone, but Tyra is definitely hot." — Idris Elba. [Gatecrasher]
• "I'm not fiddling about with myself. We're in this awful youth-driven thing now where everybody needs to look 30 at 60 . This is the law of diminishing returns. The trick is to age honestly and gracefully and make it look great so that everyone looks forward to it." — Emma Thompson. [Daily Express]

It goes without saying that Hardwicke was difficult while having a vagina, which perhaps played a role in her dismissal.

Finke continues:

This also could blow up into a scandal for Summit if it chooses a male director over Hardwicke, whose Twilight easily beat Mimi Leder's 1998 Deep Impact box office gross as the biggest opener for a female director. That was a record embraced by Hollywood feminists as a sign of growing gal power. ["To think that the people at Summit are sexist is insulting," an insider there replies to me.] This wasn't a good weekend for female film directors because Lexi Alexander's Punisher: War Zone bombed, earning less than half what Hollywood thought it would.

Not everyone thinks that Hardwicke's firing had to do with her gender. The cinephiles at Ain't It Cool News think Hardwicke was given a pink slip because Twilight just wasn't very good. "Hardwicke's indie sensibilities have kept the film from crossing over into a larger audience base. When I saw Catherine here in Austin at the preview screening of Twilight, I found her take on the material as she spoke to be very limited," says Harry Knowles. "And her capabilities to direct action sequences were limited - and in the interviews about how to handle the Wolves of New Moon... well, it didn't sound fantastic."

Knowles suggests Point Break director Kathryn Bigelow as a replacement for Hardwicke. In the press release regarding her leaving the franchise, Hardwicke says "I am sorry that due to timing I will not have the opportunity to direct New Moon," but perhaps the bad timing was not her personal schedule, it was that Hollywood's attitude towards female directors has yet to evolve.

Hardwicke Nixed For 'Twilight' Sequel; Summit Looks For 'New Moon' Director [Deadline Hollywood]
For Catherine Hardwicke, There Is No NEW MOON... [Ain't It Cool News]

• Wow, Lindsay Lohan and Sean Penn nuzzled at a private dinner for Milk last week. Samantha Ronson was not present. What does it all mean? [Fox 411]
• Photographs of Jennifer Aniston in a wet T-shirt with a "visible breast" are in a calendar, but a spokesperson says, "I don't think this is legal." [Times Of India]
• In this interview to promote Marley & Me, Jennifer Aniston gets pissy about her personal life, and when asked about the "difficult times," Owen Wilson walks out. [USA Today]
• Oh, dear: Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, wants $1.6 million to walk away from the marriage and not write a tell-all book. All together now: What kind of fuckery is this? [Perez Hilton]
• Another divorce payout: Madonna will reportedly give Guy Ritchie about £32 million in cash and prizes. [Telegraph]

• In this interview, Brtiney's mom, Lynne Spears, says she almost called her autobiography All My Fault. "I can laugh about it now, but did I feel that way at the time? Yes, I did and, if I'm being totally honest, I still do," she says. Lynne also talks about being worried that Britney will kill herself, the conservatorship and what's missing in Britney's life. [Daily Mail]
• David Beckham was being followed by paparazzi, so he and his bodyguard got out of the car and started punching photographers through the other car's window. [E!]
• Click to see a picture of David Beckham bungee jumping in New Zealand! [Mirror]
• Mary-Kate Olsen: Not pregnant, which makes it okay that she was in Miami, "smoking and drinking vodka cocktails all night." [Page Six]
• Ouch! Man Vs. Wild host Bear Grylls injured his shoulder in Antarctica during an expedition to raise money for charity. [CNN]
• What does Scarlett Johansson want for Christmas? Tickets to Barack Obama's inauguration ball! [Mirror]
• Is 42-year-old Janet Jackson knocked up? [Perez Hilton]
• Heath Ledger was posthumously named best actor by the Australian Film Institute for his role in The Dark Knight. [Reuters]
• Heidi Montag's mom suggested maybe Heidi was drugged before she married Spencer Pratt; Heidi says: "I want to make it very clear to family, friends and fans that the decision to marry Spencer was very much mine." Ugh, we know. [Contact Music]
• Perez Hilton has a book, you guys. Inside, predictions such as: "Britney will be probably be dead. I believe she came pretty close to the stripper pole in the sky the last time she hit rock bottom." And! Nicole Richie "will be really fat in her old age. Her body will rebel and she’ll weigh almost 180 lbs. OMG!" [Gatecrasher]
• America Ferrera will be the master of ceremonies at a debt-retirement "conversation" with Hillary Clinton. The Senator has $7.5 million in campaign debt, yikes. [MSNBC]
• Poor Barbra Streisand got a kiss from President Bush, whom she loathes, at the Kennedy Center honors. [NY Post]
• In an interview with Gwyneth Paltrow and her friend/trainer, Tracy Anderson (who also trains Madonna), Gwynnie reveals: "When I was about 25, I started doing ashtanga yoga every day. I did Pilates for a while and was always disciplined about it, but I never got the results I get with this. After my first 10 days I lost 11 inches!" [Gotham Magazine]
• Want Kanye West to appear at an after-party? Better have $40,000. [News.com.au]
• If you have $8.5 million, you can scoop up Jennifer Lopez's Bel Air estate. [TMZ]
• Jamie Foxx jokes that he's trying to pick out Barack Obama's Christmas puppy right now: "I think I'm going to get him a pitbull, we just got to keep it street." [Yahoo News]
• Lily Allen "swaps grungy guys for a more mature gent": She went to the ballet with her grandfather. [Mirror]
• Oh, and Lily Allen is sticking up for Amy Winehouse: "Yes, she does get out of her mind on drugs sometimes, but she is also a very clever, intelligent, witty, funny person who can hold it together. I mean, there aren't that many people with whom the press concentrate on their personality so much. I think in the UK, as far as females go, it's mainly me and her that get that treatment. She gets it more than I do. But I don't see it that much with other people." [Mirror]
• Keanu Reeves is trying to quit smoking. "I didn't even start until I was 30," he says. "Now it's a prison. I want to stop." [Daily Mail]
• Due to the economy, Kate Hudson is having a handmade Christmas: "We've always been pretty crafty anyway," she says. "We all knit. The girls knit. This year I’m doing these great big knit… Well, actually I shouldn’t even talk about it because I can’t say it!" [People]
• Wow, Catherine Hardwicke, who directed Twilight, won't be directing the sequel. What will become of the fangless, unscary vampires now? [EW]
• Terri Seymour on her breakup with Simon Cowell: "Simon will be a hard act to follow. But on the bright side at least I will be able to use the mirror. He used to take forever in the mornings." [Mirror]
• Suri Cruise is a budding artist. [Daily Mail]
• Dame Judi Dench was presented with a lifetime achievement award by The European Film Academy at a gala in Copenhagen, Denmark. [UPI]
• Jonny Lee Miller's wife, Michele Hicks, gave birth to a baby boy, Buster Timothy Miller. Will Buster get to play with the Jolie-Pitt kids? Jonny is still friends with ex-wife Angelina Jolie, right? [Yahoo News]
• Another day, another stalker: Alyssa Milano is seeking a temporary restraining order against a man who hiked miles to try and reach her and has displayed "increasingly threatening behavior." [AP]
• Chris Klein and Ginnifer Goodwin: Splitsville. [ET]
• Uterus news: Eric Dane says he and wife Rebecca Gayheart are "trying" to have kids. [ET]
• Another important message from Natalie Portman and Rashida Jones. [Funny Or Die]
• Blind item! "Which supposedly straight funnyman keeps getting caught in West Village dives propositioning men by opening his legs and winking? We hear the B-lister had a few takers." [Gatecrasher]
• 'Tis the season? There are six Holocaust-themed movies this winter. [Page Six]
• The Fonz, Henry Winkler, had terrible dyslexia: "I'd look at a menu, which I couldn't read, then ask what everyone else was having and choose from that. Or if I was out with a girl I'd tell her I loved the way she spoke and get her to read the whole menu to me. I got through life by listening very carefully to what people said and learning that way. As I got older I learned to ask for help." [Daily Mail]
• Is Danity Kane/Hairspray's Aubrey O'Day gay? [Page Six]
• "I'm 41. Everybody says I'd be dead. Well, I wouldn't be dead, I'd just be a little caricature of a rock star. Who wants to be a drug addict at 41? Listen, I'm 41, I've got two kids, I don't expect a 16-year-old to be looking to me for inspiration. It's the Arctic Monkeys' job now. I've done my bit. Now we go in the studio and it's just like, let's make some records, let's do it cos we love it." — Noel Gallagher. [Guardian]
• "I didn't want to see her journey belittled. She was not a stereotypical long-suffering wife who just chastised her husband when he was grumpy and took care of the kids. She was extremely capable, and she was forward thinking. Looking back, she was clearly a feminist." — Laura Linney on her role as Abigail Adams in John Adams. [Telegraph]
• "I'm just really lazy. Too lazy to phone the cleaning lady. But I do have a German boyfriend. He can't help cleaning. Recently he came back from a long trip and he kissed me and immediately went and cleaned the toilet." — Rufus Wainwright. [Newsweek]
• "I'm at a strange age. I'm not a woman yet, but I'm not a girl any more. [Film companies] say, 'Oh, in a couple of years you’ll be perfect for this.' I'll be like, yeah, but I want to be studying English then, so it’s going to be quite tough to choose between the two. I'm going to have a battle on my hands, because after Harry Potter has finished, I don't know. I definitely want to go to university." — Emma Watson. [Times Of London]
• "I will not be shagging Russell Brand. Just because I gave him my number does not mean I’ll be going on a date with him. I was the subject of one of his calls once, but I didn’t answer the phone thank goodness! I just saw his name come up on the screen and thought: 'I don’t think I’m going to answer that right now.' He was on air and it was just good female intuition. I had another conversation with him on the radio shortly before he left his radio show and he is a lot fun. I like him. And I can totally handle guys like that." — Dita Von Teese. [The Sun]