Spring has sprung, and if you're looking for dreamy dresses shilled through illustrations and creative writing essays, the J. Peterman catalog is for you!

Vivid verdant backdrops dominate March's Anthropologie catalog, which showed up in mailboxes last night, and the tropical fever dream carries right into the clothes: Hothouse flowers splashed on swimsuits; palm-leaf print dresses. The shoes, however, should be burned like kudzu.

Is H&M Magazine just a giant advertisement for what's inside H&M stores? Yes. But that doesn't mean it doesn't have tiny glimmers of awesome.

In December, Free People issued a catalog full of Woodstock-y, Summer Of Love-ish, hippie-dippie threads being sold for preposterous prices. Not much has changed! Ahead: Flower child dresses, bamboo bloomers and overalls so expensive you'll have to sell your VW.

Attention all Amélie wannabes: The January Anthropologie catalog knows that you secretly wish you could be a quirky, insouciant French gamine living in Paris. Or at least: Dress like one.

If you stuffed yourself on Thanksgiving, nibbled treats through December and washed it all down with a boozy New Year's Eve while frigid temps kept you sun-deprived, know this: Victoria's Secret thinks you're ready to shimmy into a skimpy swimsuit.

There are some really nice outfits in this Urban Outfitters catalog, but, apparently, they're meant to be worn when you're in a room by yourself.

The fruit in the Harry & David catalog may not appeal to you, but what about cookies? Cheesecake? Peppermint bark!?!?! Ugh. So hungry right now.

California dreamin'… on such a winter's day! Let's play Summer Of Love! Let's dress like Janis and listen to Jimi! Let's pretend the '70s, '80s, '90s and '00s never happened! Let's pretend $78 is a fair price for frayed shorts!

Look around, make a sound… There's overpriced stuff to be found!

Let's sing the praises of two pet catalogs — Doctors Fosters & Smith and Fetchdog: Jingle bells, my cat smells, my dog is not too bright… Oh what fun it is to shop for pet products tonight!

You see, Mr. Claus, I think we should talk about it.

…Besides me, of course? Greg Beato wrote a piece for Reason titled, "Where The Consumer Is King: In Praise Of Mail-Order Catalogs." He writes, "It seems that old-fashioned mail-order catalogs will soon be as extinct as the PalmPilot." Sad!

Welcome To Ashro, where a lady dresses like a lady and there is no such thing as too matchy-matchy.

There are many lessons to be learned in the Lilly's Kids Holiday catalog, with stuff for kids ages 2 and up! For instance: Some toys/jobs are for girls, while other toys/jobs are for boys.

I got a Delia's catalog in the mail today, and it seems like they're really banking on this '90s thing to take off: Everything is plaid. Or buffalo check. Everything.

Halloween may be a very kid-oriented holiday, but you'd better have a grown-up bank account to shop for the delicious desserts in the new Dean & Deluca catalog. For instance:

Christmas is here! Well, not here. But in mailboxes: The new Bronner's catalog has arrived, and some of the ornaments inside really embody the meaning of the holiday. If the holiday is about hanging strange things on a dead evergreen.

Yet another J. Crew catalog has materialized in the mailbox, bringing cozy visions of for fall. That is: If you're thin. And small-breasted. And don't mind looking a wee bit wacky at times.

The August Anthropologie catalog borrows heavily from the look of Scott Schuman, the photographer known as The Sartorialist. The people inside are not models, but "real" people. "Real" people so interesting-looking that you might forget about the clothes.