Cat massage expert Maryjean Ballner, who rocketed to internet fame when Everything Is Terrible posted her how-to videos, was on Letterman last night, where she informed Dave and the world that we've been petting cats wrong all our lives.

Were you aware that, "the front of your cat is a veritable treasure chest of fun"? In the clip at left, the lost 5th Golden Girl shares a cat massage technique that she promises will make Whiskers drool... literally. [Buzzfeed]