Jezebel: cary tennis

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Jessica — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 16:30:00 EDT

So, Eliot Spitzer, huh? As most know by now, the muckraking, ethically-superior New York Governor is said to have been "involved" in a prostitution ring. There were federal wiretaps at play, and the sexual congress took place at the Mayflower Hotel in Washington on the day before Valentines'. In light of Spitzer's transgressions, today's Since You Asked advice column in Salon seems oddly prophetic! A distraught reader asks Cary Tennis, "Have I ruined my karma by sleeping with prostitutes?" The reader feels his life has been destroyed by years of whoring, and wonders if he's a horrible person for cheating on his wife with hookers. Tennis gives some drawn out, hippy-dippy response as per usual, but ultimately decides "It is not about abstract forces and balance sheets. It's about conduct and relationships." This dude should probably forgive himself, but it begs the question — if you knew your guy had frequented prostitutes, would it be a deal breaker?

And I don't necessarily mean "frequented prostitutes" while the two of you were together. I think for most people, being cheated on with a prostitute would be serious cause for relationship reevaluation. I dated one dude who admitted to frequenting hookers when he lived in Ecuador, and I must admit, it made me think twice about getting in a serious relationship with him. But that was just me; have your say in the poll below and/or in the comments.

Today an unhappy wife writes in to Cary Tennis's ...

Jessica — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 14:45:00 EST

Today an unhappy wife writes in to Cary Tennis's advice column on Salon, seeking counsel because her husband keeps yelling at her when they go skiing together. "My husband cannot understand why I won't go faster, and he gets upset when I ski slowly. He even thinks I ski slowly on purpose. But I cannot go fast, or at least not as fast as he does. I've tried. It's just not my thing," the woman writes. Well first off, lady, your husband sounds like kind of an asshole, but secondly, there's something innately icky about couples working out together. It's sort of like wearing matching sweaters: exercising in tandem seems way too Doublemint gum commercial for real life. [Salon]

Should A Woman Take Her Husband's Name?

Jessica — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 17:30:00 EST

Oh God, I find myself agreeing with ashram-friendly advice columnist Cary Tennis for the second time in under a month! Today, Cary deals with a woman who is afraid that taking her husband-to-be's last name would be anti-feminist. Cary spends over 1,000 words blathering on about male dominance and the circus and stripper names, but eventually comes to the conclusion that feminism is about choice, and it should be a woman's choice whether or not she takes her husband's name. Cary says that if he were to choose, he would keep his name, but of course a sensitive ponytail man would make the anti-patriarchy choice. As a writer, I'm always going to keep my maiden name as my professional byline, but I'd never subject possible future children to the last name Grose if I could help it. The schoolyard taunts are still ringing in my ears.

Over at the over at the XX Factor, the coven is discussing Hillary's choice to drop the "Rodham" from her name and simplify to just "Clinton" for the 2008 presidential race. A CNN poll from last yearshows Americans preferred Clinton sans Rodham. Again, it's hard for me to cast judgment since I think this is fundamentally an issue of personal choice that has little or nothing to do with one's position as a feminist. But is Hillary a traitor to the cause?

Should I Take My Husband's Name? [Salon]
The XX Factor [Slate]

"I Think You Should E-mail My Wife And Apologize"

Jessica — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 13:00:00 EST

For possibly the first time in his career, Salon's resident sensitive new age ponytail man cum advice columnist Cary Tennis gives excellent counsel. A woman wrote in today about an "emotional affair" she had with a former boss that never became physical. The energy her boss was spending on their relationship nearly ruined his marriage. The woman has subsequently left her job, and her now ex-boss wants her to write an e-mail apologizing to his wife, as all three of them must interact professionally in the future. The letter writer says:

"I feel like they labeled me the harlot who almost ruined their marriage, and I suspect he didn't fess up to his wife how emotionally involved he was with me. Although I don't want to apologize, I also feel an obligation to, just to smooth things over and make them feel better. But I'm uncomfortable apologizing because I feel like it gives them more fodder to use me as an excuse for their marital problems. Does my ex-boss's wife deserve an apology from me?"

"If his wife deserves anything, she deserves an end to the conspiratorial intimacy between you and her husband," Cary writes. "He is now trying to use you to manipulate his wife, as though you were currency. You are not currency for him to spend in his fragile marriage. You are not a messenger for his guilt. You are not a singing telegram he can send to his wife to say I'm sorry I was such an asshole."

You are not a singing telegram. Words to live by!

My Boss Wants Me To Apologize To His Wife [Salon]