• A $50,000 warrant has been issued for the arrest of Lindsay Lohan in connection with her May 2007 DUI arrest. The police are not releasing specifics, but hope that Lohan will "surrender herself." [TMZ]

• The Beverly Hills Police Department has issued this statement: "In response to media inquiries, [the] Beverly Hills Police Department is confirming a warrant was in fact issued today [March 13] for the arrest of Lindsay Lohan. The $50,000 warrant issued by the Beverly Hills Superior Court stems from a May 2007 arrest of Miss Lohan for DUI and hit-and-run. The circumstances leading to the issuance of the warrant by the court are not readily available at this time. It is our hope that Miss Lohan will surrender herself so that this matter will be resolved in a timely manner."[USWeekly]
• You may not have to hear that alleged Chris Brown and Rihanna duet after all: "Chris and [producer] Polow da Don wrote a song together," the source says, "Around August or September of 2008, Chris and Rihanna recorded a demo of that song. What they recorded were just reference vocals. There is no duet, and nothing has been recorded together since February."[JustJared]
• Katy Perry says she's not interested in the paparazzi: ""I don't ever do anything to try and bring it upon myself.There are ten thousand other restaurants besides the Ivy. I'm not obsessed with getting my picture taken. You know there's just so much taken out of context. There's so much nit-picking. I turned my data alerts off."[ShowbizSpy]
• Khloe Kardashian has some klassy words for Jeff Eldridge, the West Virginia lawmaker attempting to pass a Barbie ban: "He can suck an egg, seriously. He's probably butt-ugly and always wanted a girlfriend that looked like Barbie but could never get one. People like that really annoy me." [FoxNews]
• Keira Knightley's swashbuckling days are apparently behind her: the actress won't be back for Pirates of the Caribbean 4: "It was a completely fantastic experience, and it was an amazingly large portion of my life, but I don't think I need to go there again. I think that it's done. But I'm very excited to see the next one."[Cinematical]
• Krista Barth, who once represented Howard K. Stern, says Stern is being punished based on media speculation and not facts: "The television, tabloid and Internet trial of Mr. Stern in the court of public opinion has been based on sensational lies, speculation, rumor and gossip," Barth says, "Unfortunately, it appears that criminal charges have now been brought by the state of California based on this same type of misinformation." [People]
• Robert Pattinson struggled to film a gay sex scene for his upcoming film, Little Ashes. ""[The hardest part was] trying to do it doggie-style. Trying to have a nervous breakdown while doing it doggie-style," Pattinson says, "And it wasn't even a closed set. There were all these Spanish electricians giggling to themselves."[ShowbizSpy]
• Former WWE wrestler Andrew Martin, better known as Test, has been found dead at the age of 33. [ONTD]
• Michael Jackson impersonator Navi is denying charges that it was he, and not MJ, who showed up at the wacky press conference announcing Jackson's upcoming tour. "That was Michael Jackson, I'd stake my life on it,' Navi says, "He is so reclusive, most people don't know what he really looks like. When he's not on stage, he does walk with a slight hunch. If that wasn't Michael Jackson, I might as well give up - because it means there must be someone out there who's better than me." [DailyMail]
• "People say to me, "Madonna must really boss you around" and I tell them "No! She's the most docile, sweet, quiet little student. She'll follow everything I want. Madonna never slacks off. She's like a gym nerd." -Madonna's trainer, Tracy Anderson.[Mirror]
• Mandy Moore's iPod goes up for sale for charity soon, and shock of shocks! There are no Ryan Adams songs on it. 10 bucks says Ryan doesn't have "Candy" on his iPod, either. [PageSix]
• Is Clive Owen the new Cary Grant? I love them both, but, uh, no. [TimesOnline]
• "I just really think that when people really understand that this is a human rights issue and that there are a percentage of people living in this country that don't have the same rights as everybody else, I think that people will be compelled to make sure that they live in a country where every single citizen has the same rights."-Portia de Rossi on Prop 8. [LATimes]
• Matt Lauer's Where In The World Is Matt Lauer? series has been cancelled due to the poor economy. Meanwhile, Carmen Sandiego is still on the loose, Gumshoes! [USWeekly]

"Anyone who's seen Mean Girls knows what a fierce comic actress she is," Lambert continues, in a well-argued essay lamenting the loss of the Hollywood "comedy of equals."

The Screwball Comedies of the thirties and forties really were a Golden Age of well-matched onscreen couples. Film critics like A.O. Scott and Anthony Lane, and David Denby are not just whistling Dixie when they claim that it was better back then...Women remain a much underserved audience and we deserve much better than How To Lose A Guy Wearing 27 Dresses. I'm just thankful the discussions have finally been opened back up. There are many millions of different modes for being male and female in the modern age. Maybe someday soon we'll get to see some romantic comedies that genuinely reflect that. Lord knows Woody Allen's not gonna make them.

And seriously? What. Happened. In the thirties, tough dames like Rosalind Russell sparred with Cary Grant His Girl Friday while Katharine Hepburn and Cary duked it out in Bringing Up Baby and the Philadelphia Story. One could argue that these films of male and female equals disappeared during the late 40s in the post WWII push to get women back into the kitchen, but uh, it's been 60 years since then.

I imagine film execs think that a "comedy of equals" couldn't sell tickets and so give us movies about equally repellent personalities like that forthcoming Cameron Diaz/ Ashton Kutcher shitshow What Happens In Vegas. Maybe part of the problem is that movie actresses are now solely seen as the sum of their parts (the New Yorker's Anthony Lane on on Tina Fey: "She hasn't yet made up her mind how funny her body is meant to be. She isn't big enough to make a joke of her ripeness, like Bette Midler, but she's no Lily Tomlin, either."). Fingers crossed that Tina Fey and Diablo Cody's successes can help change all that, but it's going to take time.

In Which A Comedy Of Equals Beats A Bromance Every Time [This Recording]
Weekend Results [Box Office Mojo]
Anthony Lane Thinks Tina Fey Is Fat, But Not Fat Enough To Be Funny [Emily Magazine]

Earlier: Baby Mama Is Fertile Ground For Mixed Feelings From Reviewers
Does The Female "Buddy" Movie Exist?

• Marc Jacobs wants a reality show, and Project Runway's Tim Gunn wants it for him. "The whole thing's sort of egotistical, I suppose, but I do find myself entertaining," says Jacobs. And says Gunn, "God knows Marc has a fascinating life, and he looks great. I'd watch." Well, if it has Tim's vote... [NY Mag]
  
• Marc Jacobs' kidswear line Little Marc is opening up a little store. [WWD, 5th item]
  
• Sex and the City wardrobe spoiler. Says Patricia Field: "Without giving too much away, there is a shoe from Dior that Carrie wears all the time that I am sure will be on fire... My intention in the movie was to approach it realizing that four or five years have passed... there are little twists on Carrie that will be an opposite approach from the image we have of her, like a heavier shoe or studs." [WWD, 2nd item]

• Jason Schwartzman is the new face of indie fashion label Band of Outsiders. Is that name sort of self-awareness wrapped in irony wrapped in self-awareness wrapped in sincerity? Or is Jason Schwartzman just a bad fit? [WWD, 2nd item]
• Fila has launched a contest on its website, asking brand-devotees to submit photos of themselves that answer the question "How do you Fila?" Not that it's an invitation for teenage boys to submit photos of themselves "fila"-ing up girls who are "fila"-ing horny or anything. [MediaPost]
• Kohl's, meanwhile, answers this question and says, "With us!" A new Fila for Kohl's line will be in stores next fall. [WSJ]
• Giorgio Armani visited Australia this weekend so he could, um, bond with the beneficiaries of the "biggest single financial donation to an Australian theatrical institution," his declaration of "patronage" to the Sydney Theatre Company, helmed by Cate Blanchett. [WWD, sub req'd]
• And in other self-congratulatory Armani-speak, Giorgio also says, "Cary Grant is still the man. He managed to look good in a suit even while running across a field being chased by a plane. My friend George Clooney has that quality too - he looks effortlessly smart whatever he is wearing. I'm flattered that he chooses to wear my designs." [Vogue UK]
• Valentino: Also humble! "People say, 'Oh, Mr. Valentino, fashion without you is very sad.'" [Fashion Week Daily]
• Damon Dash-better half Rachel Roy just got an undisclosed amount of funding from TSM, a firm that also just purchased 22% of English label Matthew Williamson. Not sure why she needs the money, but, ha ha, just kidding. [Vogue UK]
• Bebe: No longer designing with fur! PETA likes this! Bebe: Still selling fur! PETA does not like this. [PETA]