I may be kind of biased, having been on the receiving end of an almost completely unprovoked 2006 email from Tucker Max telling me to kill myself (if you haven't already gathered this from his recent press, he's one of those dudes who goes nuclear at the slightest hint of criticism), but judging from his appearance on Carson Daly last night, which was painful to watch, Tucker Max isn't going to be going on very many more z-list talk shows. In the clip above, Tucker attributes his book's success to how funny it is, how real and authentic he is, and how he's one of the only people in culture who are "un-apologetically masculine." Have you ever noticed that actual funny, authentic, real people, be they celebrities or normals, don't run around talking about how funny and authentic they are?

Carson never addresses the parts of the book and movie that have most offended people (and he certainly doesn't mention the whole "almost everything in Tucker Max's book was already an old urban legend for decades" accusation), but he does ask Tucker if he's learned any lessons. Even though Tucker has defended the movie by trying to frame it as a redemption story, he makes it clear that Tucker Max the movie character is purely two-dimensional (please to note his crazy-eyes at the end):

And this part is sad, because every time Tucker Max mentions his family, it's literally sad:

This is what he said about his parents in a recent interview with CinemaBlend:

"My parents at this point obviously know what I do. Not to be a dick, but I don't give a shit. It's not their life, it's mine. It's what I want to do. My mom, no question, is not happy with it. The narcissist act is not an act. I actually am a narcissist, very much so. My world revolves around me. She's my mom, I care, but not really.

i don't really have that close of a relationship with my family. How do you make a narcissist? You have two parents who are fairly neglectful. God bless them, they're good people, and they care, but they're just not good at being parents. So it just doesn't occur to me that I should worry about what they think."

With his constant need to mention his one accomplishment, his self-diagnosed serious mental illness, and his total dismissal of the feelings of the closest people in his life, Tucker Max seems more and more like a Michael Scott/David Brent-type character, only sadly real. Yes, he gets laid - we know because he talks about it endlessly, but this guy seems more and more like someone who has a lot of pain and loneliness in his life, and nobody to share it with but his dog. He must know, deep down, that this "unrepentant asshole" character's expiration date is almost up, and to stay working he's going to have to re-invent himself. Maybe the new Tucker Max will have an epiphany, or a friend, who helps transform him into whatever he needs to be to be relevant. But probably not.

• Miley Cyrus might make you want to puke: Hannah Montana Chocolate Granola Bars have been recalled due to suspected salmonella contamination. [Perez]

• Natasha Richardson suffered a serious head injury in a ski accident and has been hospitalized in Montreal. Husband Liam Neeson has rushed to her side. [People]
• Oh, no: Natasha Richardson is in critical condition. As you may know, she is the eldest daughter of Vanessa Redgrave; her sister Joely Richardson is also an actress, best known for Nip/Tuck. Natasha Richardson has been in A Month in the Country, Nell, The Parent Trap and Maid in Manhattan. [Yahoo News via AP]
• DJ AM is seeking $10 million in medical costs, lost earnings and damages, plus $10 million for mental and physical pain after the September plane crash in which he and Travis Barker were the only survivors. [People]
• Psychiatrist Khristine Eroshevich turned herself in to police Monday, facing charges of excessively prescribing drugs to Anna Nicole Smith. she's out on bail. [AP]
• Fox's Roger Friedman on Julia Roberts: "She was rude, downright nasty, and dismissive. She snubbed me in front of other people to make her point… Her behavior was unexpected and chilling." Apparently she knows Friedman as "the man who writes bad things about me." [Fox 411 ]
• Mickey Rourke is in a Russian prison… Doing research for his Iron Man role. [Daily Mail]
• If you didn't get a chance to audition for ANTM because of the stampede in NYC on Saturday, don't fret! Tyra says: "We are doing everything we can to make sure that ALL the girls who weren't seen get an opportunity to audition — we'll update you on our plans very soon." Sorta hoping they call it America's Next Top Model Who Can't Reach The Top Shelf. [US Magazine]
• Amy Winehouse is planning a "heart-to-heart" with estranged husband Blake Fielder-Civil. Her dad says: "I want her to get divorced." Tell us how you really feel! [The Star]
• Amy Winehouse's dad also says: "Amy wants to resolve the situation. She's guilty of loving him, stupid girl." That's her own father, calling her stupid. [The Sun]
• Since Amy Winehouse has visa issues which ban her from coming to the U.S., she is headed back to the Caribbean. She'll headline the 18th Annual St. Lucia Jazz festival in May. The Minister of Tourism is thrilled and says "She's welcome to stay as long as she wants to." [Yahoo News via E!]
• But uh, Amy Winehouse is still facing an assault charge from back in September, so she needs to deal with that first. [Mirror]
• The Daily (Hate) Mail has printed pictures of Jesus Luz's ex-girlfriends and pointed out that they are "younger and prettier" than Madonna. Rude! [Daily Mail]
• By the by, Guy Ritchie had dinner with Elle Macpherson. [Daily Mail]
• Here is a photograph of Prince William helping out in a kitchen at a homeless charity, "following in his mother's footsteps." He looks genuinely happy. [Daily Mail]
• Clive Owen was asked who would win in a battle of wits: Himself or Julia Roberts? "She would, because she's very smart," he said. She agreed: "I would. It's just me," Julia said. "I have my tricks." [USA Today]
• There's a naked Lithuanian model on top of Zac Efron in the new Interview magazine, FYI. Zac and the young lady rolled around in dirt for the photo shoot and Zac says, without irony: "I got pretty dirty by the end of it, so that was fun. It was definitely different from anything I had ever done before." [Just Jared]
• Cops are going to interview Calum Best after a woman claims she was raped by his friend while he slept just a few feet away. [The Sun]
• Heath Ledger directed two music videos before his death; one for Modest Mouse and one for Grace Woodroofe. Both will be released this year. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Steve-O is the latest contestant to be injured on Dancing With The Stars. Does the show pay medical bills? [UPI]
• Portia de Rossi is still not pregnant, and not trying, despite what the weeklies are saying. [People]
• Sacha Baron Cohen tricked the Alabama National Guard into giving him a military uniform and letting him train — possibly for a scene for Bruno. A young cadet recognized him — maybe when he exposed his thong while changing — and alerted superiors. A staff sergeant is calling the incident an "embarrassment," but it sound like a security risk. [AP]
• Carson Daly's girlfriend Siri Pinter has given birth to their son, Jackson James Daly. [UPI]
• Guy Ritchie will direct a remake of The Wild Geese, "with a budget that will buy him some real star names." The original flick had Richard Burton, Richard Harris and Roger Moore; who will be the new trio? [Telegraph]
• Will Matt Damon be Jason Bourne again? Signs point to yes. [Guardian]
• Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber are both playing spies, but in different films. [Telegraph]
• Brad Pitt's film company, Plan B, is producing a flick based on John Le Carré's book The Night Manager. [Variety]
• Alex Rodriguez is seen kissing himself in a mirror in the new issue of Details. [NY Post]
• Jon Stewart's brother — who is head of US Markets & Global Technology at NYSE Euronext — helped him kick Jim Cramer's ass. [Page Six]
• No one is watching Kings or Celebrity Apprentice. [AdAge]
• Creators of Family Guy won a lawsuit which made it okay to turn the song "When You Wish Upon A Star into "I Need A Jew." [Reuters]
• It's tough to believe that villagers are living in fear of Pete Doherty moving to their town, but that is the headline here. [The Sun]
• There seem to be "two strapping young lads locking lips" on the cover of Bob Dylan's new album. This paper calls the photo "controversial." A commenter writes, "ha ha ha whats the issue?" [The Sun]
• Speaking of Bob Dylan, "Malibu residents say wind-borne odors from a portable toilet at the singer's compound are making them ill." [LA Times]
• Tons of Elvis stuff has gone up in an online auction — bids as low as ten bucks! [Reuters]
• "Tori is my daughter, and I love her. I wish her all the best with the publication of her new book… I never read her first one because my friends and family advised me against it. They said it would hurt my feelings, so I decided to pass. I won't read her new one either." — Candy Spelling, who moved the publication date of her book up two weeks so that it wouldn't hit stores on the same date as Tori's new book. [Us Magazine]
• "She's a little dictator. Definitely the most colorful person I've ever met. I feel so connected to her, but at the same time, we are completely different. I discover something new about her every day." — Salma Hayek, on her daughter, Valentina. [Mirror]
• "It's so sad that there's such an invasion of privacy, with camera people, cops and paparazzi outside their home. I mean, when have you not thrown something when you're mad? Everyone has to admit that at one time in their life, they've gotten so mad that they've thrown something, but maybe not necessarily breaking a window. Can't people have an argument without everyone watching? Just because she had an argument, I don't think it means that she's off track and that everything is crazy. It's really just messed up that everyone blames her. I think everyone needs to let her breathe." — Kim Kardashian on Lindsay Lohan. [People]

• Did Ellen DeGeneres try to trick Mariah Carey into admitting she's pregnant? Mariah was a guest on Ellen's show, and after Ellen asked and got a vague response, she busted out the champagne, saying, "You don't have to answer that. Let's just toast with champagne." Mariah got flustered and said, "I can't believe you did this to me, Ellen," and pretended to sip the bubbly. Knocked up? [Yahoo News via E!]
• Someone's not pregnant: Sarah Jessica Parker in the Sex And The City sequel. Carrie won't be having a kid. "It doesn't seem as if that's going to be a choice she'll make… Michael (Patrick King, director) and I never talk about it. That doesn't mean that won't be part of the story. We just haven't figured it out. It feels a little bit manipulative to toss that into the mix, because she seems so pointed in a different direction." [Daily Express]
• Kanye West and hot hot model Sessilee Lopez: Is it on? [The Sun]
• Madonna has hired a specialist to help her "exorcise the memories" of her ex-husband, Guy Ritchie, from her home. The technique seems to involve throwing shit away. [Mirror]
• Madonna and A-Rod are in Miami together right now, having just landed in a private jet. [TMZ]

• What's this? Even though his ex, Cynthia, claimed Rodriguez would be spending Thanksgiving with Madonna, a source says A-Rod "has been in Florida for days" and "always had every intention of spending the holiday" there with his ex-wife and daughters? [People]
• In other news, Madonna's brother is going to direct a "teen thriller" called Twist. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Britney Spears wants to go back on the road again. She and her conservators have asked the court to allow her to go on a U.S. tour next year: She'd need to make deals with backup singers, roadies, venues, ticket brokers, etc., but legally can't make any of the deals herself. [TMZ]
• Britney will be in New York next week — her album drops Tuesday, so she's hitting Good Morning America, but it's also her 27th birthday. So she'll also have a "very private circus-themed" birthday party that night. Waiting for our invitation! [Page Six]
• The chick from The Rules is offering dating advice to Jennifer Aniston. Says Sherrie Schneider, who co-wrote the infamous dating manual with Ellen Fein: "Never mention Brad's or John Mayer's name in public. Also, don't say anything bad about John, like when you said he was missing a sensitivity chip. Never talk about Angelina or call her 'uncool', even if she was uncool. She does not exist in your world. You are going to be 40 soon. You have no time to waste if you want kids." What's that eyeroll emoticon again? [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Lily Allen and Agyness Deyn got strip searched when they went to Dubai. Lily says: "I knew I didn’t have anything on me so I wasn’t worried. I wasn’t paranoid, just terrified." Agyness agrees: "It was really traumatic. It wasn’t the best experience in the world, but it is their culture and you just have to respect it." [The Sun]
• Ivanka Trump sure is fueling those rumors she might get engaged to boyfriend Jared Kushner — she's guest blogging for Brides.com the first week of December, writing about her style and her jewelry line. [WWD]
• Model Jessica Stam is dating Austin Cregg, the son of '80s pop music icon Huey Lewis. He's facing jail time for marijuana possession and scrawling graffiti. [Page Six]
• An upcoming Law & Order episode will have a young male "supermodel" die in a way that is eerily similar to the way Heath Ledger did. [Page Six]
• Ricki Lake is on Match.com. Go Ricki! [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
• Oh no, Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem might be on the rocks: They'd agreed to take a break from movies for a year, then he took a part in a film. She wanted to adopt a baby from India because she "admires Angelina Jolie." [ONTD]
• Pete Wentz freaked out when his wife, Ashlee was about to give birth: "Right before she went into labor, I was like, 'Oh, my god, I think I'm having a heart attack,'" he says. "My heart started beating real fast. You see your wife is in all this pain. And I don't know what's happening right now. She took care of me and made sure I was okay and then went into labor. That's why she's a saint." [People]
• For the second day in a row, a story about how Reese Witherspoon totally got along with Vince Vaughn while shooting Four Christmases. "Vince is the funniest person I've ever worked with. It was a challenge for me to stay there and keep up with him." The lady doth protest too much? [Yahoo News]
• Natalie Portman doesn't understand celibacy. [Page Six]
• Roger Friedman on The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: "Innovative, creative, technologically advanced… [Brad Pitt] is Gollum from Lord of the Rings meeting Robert Redford, with a better wardrobe." [Fox 411]
• Rachael Ray's Christmas will be a silent night: "I'm having voice surgery on Dec. 16, so we're going to celebrate very quietly," she says. [People]
• Are Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal's parents broke? [Page Six]
• Audrina Patridge on Heidi and Spencer's elopement: "I am surprised and not surprised at the same time." Haha, because you know that they're contractually obligated to make headlines for Us magazine? She also says: "I do think it's very romantic that they eloped." [People]
• Uh-oh, director John Waters is being sued for adding "Santa Claus is a Black Man" to his Christmas album without permission. [Daily Express]
• Tragic: You know how Kanye West's mom died after plastic surgery? Her nephew, a registered nurse, was supervising her post-surgery care and may have left her bedside to attend a baby shower — he's being investigated. [People]
• Village Voice reporter Michael Musto hit the Milk premiere party, where Marc Jacobs told him he cried and shook his leg emotionally through the whole movie. "I'm for anything gay," the designer said. "The world would be a better place if everyone was gay." "Look, around," Musto urged. "They are!" Meanwhile, Carson Kressley said: "I'm lactose-intolerant, but I loved Milk." [Village Voice]
• TMZ the TV show: Renewed. [Yahoo News]
• File under news you can't use: Katie "Jordan" Price and Peter Andre sunbathe naked; Peter has a "brown willy." [Perez Hilton]
• Carson Daly has a girlfriend? And she's pregnant? [ONTD]
• U2, Jay-Z, Coldplay and R.E.M. are among the bands contributing music to (RED)WIRE, a new download service aligned with Bono’s (PRODUCT)RED campaign. [Rolling Stone]
• Don't know much about country singer Chuck Wicks, but he is "very much in love" with Dancing With The Stars' Julianne Hough, so that's nice. [People]
• Mel Gibson, what hast thou done? A Superior Court Judge wants you to explain why a screenwriter claims he was screwed out of $10 million from the 2004 megahit The Passion Of The Christ [Yahoo News via E!]
• TV chef Gordon Ramsay has made a "groveling apology" to his wife after admitting to meeting his mistress four times. [Daily Mail]
• "There's always someone telling you not to make a movie. When I did Born on the Fourth of July, they said, 'This is going to ruin your career. What are you doing?' Suicide? I’ve committed it. There were people who didn’t want me to make Top Gun. [My character], Stauffenberg, went from saying, 'Someone should shoot that bastard' to realizing, I’m the only one who can do it. You can’t really know until you're under that kind of pressure. I'm not saying this in some chest-pounding way, but I do feel I'd have that kind of courage." — Tom Cruise, defending his Nazi movie, Valkyrie, in Details. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "We came up with the idea Bronx. We've been throwing [ideas] back and forth a while. It's kind of cool to just leave the narrative what it is. People are stoked or pissed or whatever. And you're like, you know what: I don't think anyone really has the real story." — Pete Wentz on why he named his kid Bronx Mowgli. [People]

• Brad Pitt was out with Zahara when a paparazzo got a leeetle bit too close. Brad grabbed the guy's collar and said, "Get the fuck away from me!" Oooh, AggroDaddy! [E!]
  
• The Spice Girls tour ends February 26 in Toronto and was fun while it lasted, but "probably won't happen ever again," Ginger says. Sorry, folks: You'll have to get your girl power somewhere else. [Reuters]
  
• Lindsay Lohan "fluttered" back and forth between Adrian Grenier and Leonardo DiCaprio at a club in West Hollywood Tuesday. Also: LL was drinking vodka and champagne. Where's that SCRAM when you need it? [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Paul McCartney sent a bouquet of lilies to Heather Mills on the eve of their first day in divorce court. Attached was a note that read, "Please remember you and I are both human and have one very special person in common. Please let's not forget this when we are in court. Whatever happens, our daughter comes first." Very admirable. Gentlemanly, even. No? [Mirror]

• Carson Daly went back to work on Last Call during the writers strike — now NBC has cut the show's budget and fired most of his writers. How's that for a punch line? [Deadline Hollywood]
• A lawyer in NYC has filed papers in federal court asking that Britney's conservatorship case be taken away from the L.A. court, stating: "It is doubtful that Ms. Spears can receive equal protection and a fair trial or hearing in the custody proceedings because of the intense media scrutiny of what would normally be private aspects of a person's life." Wait, what? Plus! No one knows who hired this lawyer. Crazy. [TMZ]
• Britney's brother has been named as the trustee of his sister's trust. Definitely keep it in the family and away from the hangers-on! [TMZ]
• Also, Brit's conservatorship has been extended to March 10. And! Sam Lutfi has still not been served with that damn restraining order, even though Britney's dad's attorney swears they staked out is residence and "did many things we do not want to discuss right now." That Lutfi dude is slippery. [USA Today]
• Today is the one-year anniversary of Britney's head-shaving. Raise your razors. [TMZ]
• Pam Anderson is in Paris campaigning for the protection of baby seals. She's working with Brigitte Bardot's animal rights foundation, and BB said to Pam, "You are my Valentine, I kiss you," via speakerphone. Kinda cute! [Reuters]
• Ted Danson is calling for the planet's oceans to be protected from overfishing and mercury contamination. He and Pam should go on the road! [AP]
• To get back at Sarah Silverman for singing "I'm Fucking Matt Damon," Jimmy Kimmel is making a video called "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck." Hmm, Sarah still wins this round. [Page Six]
• Bono and artist Damien Hirst hosted an auction last night that raised more than $40 million for AIDS relief. Also attending the (RED) benefit: Queen Noor, Michael Stipe, Dennis Hopper, Martha Stewart, Christy Turlington, Ed Burns, Q-Tip, Helena Christensen, Brian Williams and Anna Wintour. [Rush & Molloy]
• Blind item! "Don't panic, but which pint-size actress who recently sucked face with her celebutard best friend is being romanced by an equally tiny emo rocker, whom she met at a disco during the Grammys?" [Rush & Molloy]
• John Mayer downed sake shots with some folks from TMZ. What a wonderful world. [TMZ]
• Oasis singer Liam Gallagher married his longtime girlfriend, All Saints singer Nicole Appleton, yesterday. They've been together 8 years and have a 6-year-old son. Keeping in the tradition of the Oasis rivalry, Liam didn't tell his brother Noel about the nuptials. What's the story, morning glory? [People]
• In a just-published interview conducted before Heath Ledger's death, a post-breakup Michelle Williams said: "I thought I knew certain things and it turned out that I didn't, so I don't really try and anticipate so much anymore. I'm not making any bets on the future." [People]
• A construction worker who admitted to strangling actress Adrienne Shelly pleaded guilty to manslaughter yesterday. Shelly, who wrote, directed and co-starred in Waitress, was killed by the man after he robbed her apartment; he then hung her body to make it look like a suicide. [USA Today]
• Rihanna and Chris Brown: It's so on. [Concrete Loop]
• Hey, so that model in the Kanye West video will sell you her used underwear, if you're interested. She says she wears each pair of panties "long enough to transfer my 'natural' scent." Good morning! [Rush & Molloy]
• The Dept. of Animal Services went to Paris Hilton's house yesterday to investigate a complaint about her dogs. The city of L.A. has a three-dogs-per-address rule; Paris, on Ellen, claimed she has 17 dogs. Anyway, her house is under construction at the moment so no one was home. [TMZ]
• Bai Ling claims she shoplifted mags at the airport because it was an "emotionally crazy" day; she was breaking up with her man. On Valentine's Day??? "Wrong boyfriend," she says. [People]
• Bai Ling's mugshot! [TMZ]

Thing You Don't Know About Women #1: "PMS is not a lame excuse to be able to yell at you. It's a great excuse."
Who It's About: John Mayer. Wouldn't you want an excuse to yell at him, too?

Thing You Don't Know About Women #2: "We really can pump our own gas. It's just that we've got this fantasy of you as a '30s-era full-service station attendant. You'd look so cute in the hat."
Who It's About: Patrick Wilson. He would look cute in any hat. Or without any hat. Or without any clothes...

Thing You Don't Know About Women #3: "We're not complimented when you call your ex a slut. She dated you, too. So what are we?"
Who It's About: Carson Daly. He was engaged to Tara Reid. Nuff said!

Thing You Don't Know About Women #4: "We're smart enough to know that smell is always the dog."
Who It's About: Craig Ferguson. He looks gassy.

Thing You Don't Know About Women #5: "Yes, we can dish it out."
Who It's About: Wilmer Valderrama. He was probably skeezing on other starlets all the time (see Lohan, Lindsay; Moore, Mandy) and deserved a stern talking to.

Thing You Don't Know About Women #6: "No, we can't take it."
Who It's About: Wilmer again. Bet he has a sass mouth.

Thing You Don't Know About Women #7: "We want to raise children. We just don't want you to be one of them."
Who It's About: LFO's Rich Cronin, solely because he was behind the lyrics: "New Kids On The Block, had a bunch of hits/ Chinese food makes me sick." Those had to be written by someone with the mentality of a seven year old.

Thing You Don't Know About Women #8: Women are meant to talk and men to listen. We don't want to be fixed; we want to be heard.
Who It's About: Kip Pardue. The insouciant smirk always plastered to his face makes us think he wouldn't be the best listener.

Thing You Don't Know About Women #9: "When we ask if you've had any work done, it's because we want to know what our kids will really look like."
Who It's About: Carson Daly. Have you seen his face recently? He looks like an entirely different person.

Thing You Don't Know About Women #10: "When we ask you how we look, it's okay to lie; when we ask you how she looks, you better lie."
Who It's About: Ross McCall. This is advice he should keep with him for the future.

Jennifer Love Hewitt: 10 Things You Don't Know About Women [Esquire]
Jennifer Love Hewitt [Who's Dated Who]

Earlier: The Esquire Map To...Minnie Driver's Dating Life
Women We Love

[Pasadena, Calif; July 10. Image via Bauer-Griffin]