• Gisele Bundchen married Tom Brady again, this time in Costa Rica. They first got hitched in the U.S. in February. These days you can't be a celebrity and not have two or three ceremonies. [Breitbart, Mirror]

• Oh! But! There was gunfire at Gisele's wedding: Bodyguards shot at paparazzi. No one was injured, but the back window on an SUV was shattered. Says one snapper: "I could have lost my life for the sale of some pictures that Gisele didn't want published. Are they insane?" [NY Post]
• Madonna reportedly "shrieked in horror" when she found out that a judge was denying her adoption of Mercy. [Pop Dirt]
• Madonna has left Malawi in her private jet and is headed for London. [Star Tribune]
• Madonna is said to be "in pieces." [Daily Mail]
• And now Madonna is back in the UK; Guy Ritchie met her at the airport. They didn't seem to speak to each other but he had a big hug for David. [Daily Mail]
• Rihanna is partying in Barbados — it's her grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary. Her father says the singer is "back to herself." [Daily Mail]
• Meanwhile, Chris Brown is due in court today where he will do some "intense" plea dealing. [NY Daily News]
• Over the weekend, news broke that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson had a huge fight and that Sam changed the locks at her house. Ouch! [TMZ]
• Lindsay was specifically asked not to attend a Charlotte Ronson party but showed up anyway. [Socialite Life]
• Did Lindsay go on a Twitter tirade? This report says she wrote: "Being cheated on does wonders to you. I'm doing this publicly because u&ur friends call People [magazine]. So you win, you broke my heart. Now go away. I loved you." So wait, Sam cheated? Also, not so long ago, you couldn't get LL to admit she was IN a gay relationship; now she announces the details to the whole world??? [This Is London]
• Farrah Fawcett, who has been battling cancer for almost three years, is in a hospital in L.A. [Reuters, RadarOnline]
• Meanwhile, her son, Redmond O'Neal, was busted for drugs yesterday. In the parking lot of a prison. Not a joke. Also, Ryan O'Neal says Farrah just went in for a procedure and "is not at death's door." [NY Post, EW]
• This report says the end is near for Farrah Fawcett. [MSNBC Scoop]
• This paper claims that doctors fear the worst for Farrah. [NY Post]
• Scandalous: Jennifer Aniston was seen smiling and laughing and generally having fun. [Gatecrasher]
• Dear Beyoncé, the bangs and the heels are understandable, but the suspenders? [Daily Mail]
• Paris Hilton says of Doug Reinhardt: "We're best friends. It's not like we just met. We've known each other over the past year. I was in a relationship before and we reconnected. I'm really in love and really happy. He's going to be my husband." Does that sound like a threat? [E!]
• There's a sneak peak of season five of The Hills up, and apparently the big question is whether Heidi and Lauren will reconcile. But the even bigger question is: Does anyone still care? [E!]
• Speaking of The Hills, Lauren Conrad's new guy, Kyle Howard, wants to marry her, so he took her mom and dad out for lunch — and picked up the tab. [Star]
• Ryan Gosling has a band, and the band has a video, and it's here. [Pop Sugar]
• Oh, Christ: After enduring all kinds of shit for those bikini pictures, now this headline from the Daily Fail: "Has Jennifer Love Hewitt Lost Too Much Weight?" [Daily Mail]
• Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher are shooting a flick called Five Killers and it appears that they kiss. [Socialite Life]
• "How Poor Suri Cruise Has Become A Style Victim At Just Three Years Of Age." [Daily Mail]
• Behold: Victoria Beckham in enormous shoulder pads. [Daily Mail]
• Gossip Girl's Blake Lively and Penn Badgley have left the country to vacation in Thailand and you have not. [Just Jared]
• It's not that Serena Williams can't find a pair of bikini bottoms that fit, it's that her derriere is awesome and will not be held down! [Daily Mail]
• Anna Kournikova took part in a triathlon in Miami on Sunday. [Daily Mail]
• Ooh, Seal will sing the National Anthem at the Red Sox/Tampa Bay Rays game today! [The Star]
• You may find this hard to believe, but Gary Coleman regrets doing a movie titled Midgets vs. Mascots. He has a YouTube rant explaining his mortgage made him do it. [Page Six]
• Possible new couple: 50 Cent and Ciara. [Page Six]
• Bai Ling wants you to know that Bai Ling never had sex with Mickey Rourke. [Page Six]
• A square-faced Jack Black slays demons with his guitar in a new video game called Brutal Legend. Check out his heart-shaped soul patch! [Wired]
• Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green are not only back on, but looking for a "love nest" in Santa Monica. Megan wants ocean views because "she loves the beach and spotting dolphins." [Star Magazine]
• The series finale of ER did okay, ratings-wise, but not as well as Cheers or Friends. [AdAge]
• Miley Cyrus' wardrobe in the Hannah Montana movie is "clean cut, wholesome and decidedly demure." Are times changing?!?! [LA Times]
• Between Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift and Julianne Hough, women ruled at the Academy of Country Music Awards. Do you have to be blonde and toothy, or is it just a coincidence? [Yahoo News ia AP]
• Christina Ricci will star in a "porn-tinged comedy" co-written by Adam Sandler. She'll play "an innocent girlfriend." [Hollywood Reporter]
• Jennifer Hudson's fans worry about her and can't stop talking about how they hope she doesn't cry while she is singing. [Washington Post]
• Jennifer Hudson says, "I'm fine, I'm happy." [USA Today]
• By now you must have heard: Demi Moore saved a suicidal woman's life via Twitter? [The Star]
• Brandon Michael Vayda, who plays Mike on 90210, pulled some guy out of a taxi and "beat the living crap out of him" outside of a nightclub. [TMZ]
• Alex DeSilva, a choreographer from So You Think You Can Dance, was arrested Saturday and charged with four counts of sexual assault. All of his victims were his students at the time. [E!]
• Fox's Roger Friedman wrote about the leaked flick Wolverine (which the FBI is investigating) in his column, saying, "It took really less than seconds to start playing it all right onto my computer." Now he's been fired. Whoops! [NY Times]
• Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr sang together for the first time in years at a benefit to introduce children to transcendental meditation. And yes, David Lynch runs the foundation in question. [Breitbart]
• Jeff Beck, Metallica, Run-DMC, Bobby Womack and Little Anthony and the Imperials were inducted into the hall of fame over the weekend. [NY Times]
• Fast & Furious sped away with a $72.5 million box office, which is huge. Huge. [Breitbart]
• Thousands lined the streets of London and Essex at the funeral of Jade Goody, which this paper calls "Princess Diana-style." [Daily Mail]'
• Jade Goody's family says they don't want her grave to be a shrine, "trampled by strangers." [The Sun]
• Blind item! "Which C-list Hollywood stud was so drunk and desperate that he showed up at the home of an L.A. gossip reporter and demanded a booty call? Guess what, folks? She accepted!" [Gatecrasher]
• "There's a time for celebration and I partake, sure. But you know, it's important not to let that become too big of a distraction. The more you have access to, the harder it is to remain focused. You know what, I do not want to fall victim to that, it's too easy and too often done. It's out of style anyway, I think too many people have done it before me, I'm not going to. It's uncool, yeah. I think the rebellious thing to do would to actually be successful." — Zac Efron on drinking and the Hollywood party scene. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I'm excited to not have everything scheduled in advance. I can just call up a friend and grab lunch. I can wear white when I want to — I could never do that on camera. I can go backless!" — Lauren Conrad, on her plans for her life after The Hills. [LA Times]
• "It's kind of like a self-aware observational comedy of the simplest thing in the world, which isn't so simple." — Bob Saget on his new show, Surviving Suburbia. [NY Daily News]
• "People will always say that I'm over-exposed and that's what I want, all this attention. That's not it. What I love is the art of it all." — Miley Cyrus. [NY Daily News]
• "Somebody said to me 'Well, you know what? You just got such a big mouth and you just know how to talk to people. Did you ever think about runnin' for president?' I said 'I think we've had enough boobs in the White House.'" — Dolly Parton. [CBS News]
• "Some of my best compliments are on a $15 Ross dress. Ross gets you a weird look, but I've rocked two or three good pieces from there over the years." — Rosario Dawson. [New York Mag]
• "Well, I certainly got hit on a lot. And a lotta men thought I was as silly as I looked, I guess. You know, I look like a woman but I think like a man. And in this world of business, that has helped me a lot. Because by the time they think that I don't know what's goin' on, I then got the money, and gone." — Dolly Parton. [CBS News]

• Helena Christensen told InStyle magazine that she's never lived with a man — although she was actually married for five years. [Daily Mail]

• Bill Clinton made a surprise appearance at the Tribeca Ball, an event that benefits the New York Academy of Art. A fashion crowd including designer Jason Wu mingled with performers like Liev Schreiber and Justin Timberlake, hotel impresario Andre Balazs, and socialites. The event was filled with student art; Timberlake and Schreiber reportedly took a lot of interest in an exhibit that included two live models whose bodies guests were invited to paint and decorate with eggshells. At the end of the night, Bill Clinton's security detail was also overheard muttering, "That man is a chick magnet." [WWD]
• Speaking of politico-sartorial news, Sarah Brown, wife of the British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, met with Michelle Obama for more than an hour during her husband's state visit. Brown's gift to the First Lady was kid's clothes from TopShop for Sasha and Malia; like Michelle Obama, Sarah Brown sometimes likes to mix inexpensive chain-store items in with her wardrobe. I know, right! [Telegraph]
• Arena, the British men's magazine, is another casualty of the recession. The April, 2009, issue will be its last. Arena Homme Plus, the twice-yearly fashion magazine spinoff, is supposedly not affected, and nor are the six international editions, all of which are published under license. [WWD]
• Tracy Feith for Target doesn't get into stores until May 17, but lookbook images have already surfaced. The clothes are — not great. (There's a romper with bloomer shorts.) But one of the models is Allie from The City, if that makes any difference to you. [Racked]
• That other, slightly better, Target designer collection — Alexander McQueen's McQ line — is now available online. [Racked]
• Badgley Mischka's spring campaign, shot by Annie Leibovitz, features Anjelica Huston, Brooke Shields, Lauren Hutton, Eva Longoria...and Carrie Underwood. [WWD]
• I really hope that Agent Provocateur, the lingerie label, won't be hurt by all this press about their "racy" and "saucy" new ad campaign. I mean, what if The Sun were to determine it "crosses" the line"? I imagine that'd be just terrible. [The Sun]
• An ad for Olay's Regenerist wrinkle cream has been banned in England for being "offensive and demeaning to women" — because the makers, Proctor and Gamble, lied about the results of a study of the cream's effectiveness, and implied that cosmetic injections were an inevitable step in as any woman aged. [Telegraph]
• In Milan, Roberto Cavalli showed an 80s-heavy collection that was so small the LA Times wondered if all his samples had arrived. Could the cash bleed of his diffusion line, Just Cavalli — whose licensee, Ittierre, went bankrupt, and then sued Cavalli this week for angry statements the designer had made to the media about his losses — be affecting his main line? [LA Times]
• Scarlett Johansson, face of Dolce & Gabbana cosmetics, was the inspiration for the makeup at Dolce & Gabbana. Pat McGrath recreated "modern Hollywood glamor" with false lashes, liquid eyeliner, and red lips, not that anyone's ever done that before. [WWD]
• The booker of Auguste Abeliunaite, the Lithuanian 16-year-old who cried on the Jil Sander runway, says Abeliunaite won't be going to Paris, despite walking four top shows in Milan, because she's too young. But Paris sets — and actually does a good job enforcing — 16 as the minimum age for runway work. (Milan has no age limit.) And a girl who'd walked any show cast by Russell Marsh, let alone Prada, would be sent to Paris yesterday if she were really 16. My guess is this pale-eyed schoolgirl has a passport that makes her out to be 15 or younger. [WSJ]
• There's good news and bad news on the retail front this morning. First, let's do bad: The Body Shop is cutting 275 jobs. [WWD]
• And Kenneth Cole's fourth quarter loss has increased, to $12 million. [WWD]
• Liz Claiborne's fourth quarter net loss also widened — to $828.9 million. The company also declined to provide an earnings forecast for 2009. [WSJ]
• Adidas, meanwhile, increased its fourth quarter profits by 151%, or to a net of $74 million. [WWD]
• And all the designers are cutting costs — by rooming together at the Ritz for the Paris shows. Alexander Wang, Brian Reyes, and Victoria Bartlett are reportedly sharing digs, which sounds like the most awesome sleepover, ever. [The Cut]
• There's an unusual juxtaposition of stories in WWD's brief items this morning: first up is Simon Doonan, who was asked about the fashion industry's troubles at an AIDS benefit auction he co-hosted with Tim Gunn, which is all standard fare. But then next is a paragraph about an ultrarunner who spent five years running across six continents, all of which was filmed by his wife for a documentary, and in so doing raised $400,000 for an Alaska-based charity. The fashion content of the latter story is unclear; the reporter, in being dragged so far from his realm of expertise, also seems to have gotten a little confused. Something about the sentence, "His wife was held with a knife to her throat for more than an hour at the Morocco-Gibraltar border," strikes one as off. Perhaps because there is no "Morocco-Gibraltar border" — only some 7.7 nautical miles of sea. [WWD]
• Paris Hilton's perfume will exist for another five years. Sigh. [WWD]

Carrie Underwood & Ace (Rat Terrier)

Josh Groban & Sweeney (Wheaten Terrier)

Diane Lane & Milo (Rescued dog)

Piper Perabo & Rickson (The caption says that she doesn't even own a pet. This is her manager's dog.)

Amanda Bynes & Charlie (Cavalier King Charles Spaniel)

Perez Hilton & Teddy (Goldendoodle)

Jon Hamm, Jennifer Westfeldt & Cora (Rescued dog)

Serena Williams, Jackie, Bambi, & Laurelei

Apparently she has been notifying friends that she is with child. And her boyfriend, Jamie Hince, was overheard telling her to "calm down, especially in your state." [News Of The World]

• This report claims that at a recent shoot for Roberto Cavalli, Kate Moss showed up late and then "proceeded to finish off beer after beer after beer while she was getting her make-up done." Maybe not pregnant? [Page Six]
• Not pregnant: Angelina Jolie. [Gatecrasher]
• In case you missed it, Chris Brown issued a statement yesterday which read: "Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired… I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones. I am committed, with God's help, to emerging a better person." And! "Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong. While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say." [NY Daily News]
• Salma Hayek married her baby daddy, French businessman Francois-Henri Pinault. On Valentine's Day. There were reports that they'd called off their engagement, but the nuptials were announced in a paper his company owns. (He is worth about $16.9 billion.) Congrats! [People]
• Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson had a fight on the streets of New York on Valentine's Day! Lindsay called Sam by her full name ("Samantha Judith Ronson, why are you doing this to me?") and Sam mumbled something which made LL say, ""What are you talking about? I've been with you all night!" This "first hand account" of the spat comes to you from journalist Justin Rocket Silverman and a paparazzo. [NY Post]
• In this video, Project Runway's Christian Siriano says that Rihanna "must have done something" to provoke Chris Brown to hit her. Then he recants, "No, you should never hit a woman." But! He does say that Rihanna is "kind of a diva." [TMZ]
• It's a boy for M.I.A. and fiancé Ben Bronfman; she announced that her baby is "healthy, fine and beautiful" on her MySpace page. [AP]
• Speaking of babies: The company that did public relations for Nadya Suleman, the mother of octuplets, has quit. Death threats are to blame. [MSNBC via AP]
• Hugh Jackman will be hosting the Oscars, and he hopes that fellow Australian Heath Ledger wins Best Supporting Actor. "I can't hide the fact that I would really love for that honour to be bestowed upon him. It would be fitting and I think he deserves it." [Mirror]
• Is the "truce" between Madonna and Guy Ritchie over? This report claims that Ritchie isn't happy about the custody arrangement and wants the boys in British schools instead of New York establishments. [Daily Mail]
• Hmm, this says that Madonna and Guy are looking to make their current custody arrangement legally binding. [The Star]
• Meanwhile: Madonna took new man Jesus to a Kabbalah meeting on Valentine's Day. Her son David and daughter Lourdes also attended; Madonna and Jesus left separately, possibly to avoid being photographed together. [Daily Mail]
• And! Will Madonna play Wallis Simpson, the American Woman who caused Edward VIII to turn down the throne? [Guardian]
• Jennifer Lopez interrupted her husband's concert by walking on stage with with twins, Max and Emme. Max was wearing a tuxedo and Emme was wearing a pink gown; they turn one this Sunday. [Daily Mail, Just Jared]
• Miley Cyrus's label spent £150,000 flying her to the UK to sing on a Saturday night variety show, only to have Miley forget the words to her own damn song. [The Sun]
• Love's in need of love today: The White House is planning a concert to honor Stevie Wonder, and Barack and Michelle Obama will present the singer with a Library of Congress award on Wednesday. [The Star]
• Amy Winehouse was in the hospital in St. Lucia, but has been released. Too much fun in the sun? [TMZ]
• Has newly engaged Mandy Moore gone totally domestic? She's the new spokesperson for Gain detergent. The campaign is called "Love At First Sniff." Not a joke. [AdAge]
• Beyoncé and Muhammad Ali embraced for pictures at the NBA All-Star game over the weekend. [Daily Mail]
• Fashion week gossip: Diana Ross was in the house at the Diane von Furstenberg show. [WWD]
• Kanye West attended a few Fashion Week shows over the weekend and was moody. [Gatecrasher]
• Benicio Del Toro will walk in the G-Star fashion show on Thursday. Chances are, he will scowl. [Page Six]
• Jessica Simpson threw a party at brother in law Pete Wentz's bar last week, and Tony Romo bought the room a round of shots. [Gatecrasher]
• Conan O'Brien is packing up his office in preparations to replace Jay Leno as the Tonight Show host; he says: "Men don't like to say goodbye. My wife told me about six months ago: 'I think you have to admit that you have mixed feelings about leaving this late-night show, it's very emotionally charged for you. That's OK.'" [AP]
• Lily Allen's apartment is super organized: In her walk-in wardrobe, every pair of shoes is boxed and has a Polaroid of the contents stuck on the outside; in her kitchen cupboards and in the spice rack, all the labels face the front. "This is what I'm really all about," she says. "It's control. I have to be in control. Even when I'm out of control I'm still sort of in control. I know the point I'm going off the rails. But it's my decision to go off them." [Daily Mail]
• Here are pictures of Peaches Geldof, 19, showing off her "bizarre" tattoos as she sunbathes topless while on vacay in South America. Note: They aren't that bizarre. [Daily Mail]
• Freida Pinto called off her engagement to her boyfriend of four years after Slumdog Millionaire started taking off; she is now single and ready to mingle… at the Oscars. [Mirror]
• Katy Perry and Benji Madden: It's on! They were each other's dates on Valentine's day in Las Vegas. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which celeb chef's wife mans his reservation stand while he secretly slips out the back door with his girlfriend?" [Gatecrasher]
• Doug Reinhardt and Paris Hilton spent V-Day together; he gave her an Andy Warhol print of Marilyn Monroe. What do you think she gave him? [Yahoo News via E!]
• Salman Rushdie's new girlfriend is a "32-year-old actress of Amazonian proportions." Read: Tall. She says: "I think he is a genius, genius novelist and he thinks I am smart and that's the biggest thing, the aphrodisiac. With other men, I have had to hide that side of myself because I felt if I came off too smart, I'd be ostracised. This is a good old-fashioned romance but the attraction started as a meeting of minds." [Daily Mail]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt hints about the new season of the Ghost Whisperer: "There's lots going on. I think the audience will be very, very happy. There's an unexpected reunion and there's maybe the pitter-patter of tiny feet." [E!]
• A man suspected of stalking Celine Dion was arrested outside the gates of her home on Friday. [CTV]
• Johnny Knoxville's new show, Nitro Circus, is responsible for a bunch of injuries: "We've shot 12 episodes and there's been about that many surgeries... There was three of the guys who went to the hospital in one day," says Johnny. One 60-year-old "jumped off the back of a boat, going 60 (miles per hour) and it went bad... It broke his pelvis and cut his urethra." [Daily Express]
• Farrah Fawcett is suing companies who have used the iconic photo of her in a red swimsuit without permission. [Daily Mail]
• Is Steven Cojocaru about to get kicked off of Entertainment Tonight? [Page Six]
• American Idol's Ruben Studdard says he overcame stage fright at the age of 12, if you care. [The Star]
• Michael Jackson's brother Marlon is involved in a plan to develop a billion-dollar slavery memorial and luxury resort in Nigeria. Yes. Slavery tourism. [BBC News]
• Kenneth Branagh was not nominated for an Olivier award, but was named best actor in the only stage awards decided entirely by the public. [Guardian]
• "Three of my very best girlfriends flew into town and wanted to meet Brad Pitt. So I was like, 'Brad, come over. My girlfriends are going crazy over you.' He comes over, and he's so cool. He has a way of being very warm and making people feel welcome." — Taraji P. Henson of Benjamin Button. [USA Today]
• "On the first day I was really nervous, because I felt like I was walking on someone's set, and it was no longer my set. But I found Donna inside [me]. Donna's still there! Seeing Jennie [Garth] again and all of a sudden we were two giggly school girls." — Tori Spelling, on returning to 90210. [People]
• "Wow, [in] 10 yrs I'll be 24, almost 25... I hope to still be acting, I really do. I hope to have gone to college and be enjoying my life… I kind of follow my own path and don't really look at others... I have my close family, my close friends and the people that I've worked with that are always there for me, and you have to just kind of stick to yourself." — Dakota Fanning, when asked to predict her future. [The Star]
• "I remember the instant I fell in love with her. One night on board a small boat I owned, she looked at me with love, her dark brown eyes lit by a table lantern. That moment changed my life. […] I never saw Natalie dead - not at the morgue, nor at the funeral home. I wanted to remember her alive. After the funeral I went to bed and stayed there for seven, maybe eight, days. […] Did I blame myself? If I'd been there, I could have done something. I wasn't, but ultimately, a man is responsible for his loved one. Yes, I blamed myself." — Robert Wagner, on the death of Natalie Wood. [Daily Mail]
• "Parents should say, 'Drugs might seem fun, but they do funny things to your brain. Some people react to it good, some don't. Try it and see what you think.' The only story is that drugs are bad and they will kill you — you will become a prostitute, a rapist or a dealer. But that's not true. I know lots of people that take cocaine three nights a week and get up and go to work everyday, no problem at all. But we never hear that side of the story. I have no statement to make, I just wish people wouldn't sensationalise this thing that just exists." — Lily Allen. [Daily Mail]
• "I think Simon [Cowell] has actually got a wee bit nicer over the past couple of years. He's always been pretty nice to me and I think it's really good that somebody will give you a dose of reality even if it might be said in a harsh manner… As soon as I took a step back and realized that everything he said was constructive, as mean as it might be, we got along fine. So if anybody asks me who my favourite judge is, I'm always going to say Simon." — Carrie Underwood. [The Star]
• "She might not be a feminist, but Lily Allen is that rare thing: a star who offers the usually unspoken female perspective on relationships, in songs with which women can identify intuitively." — From a review of Lily Allen's new CD. [Independent]
• "I've only ever played one truly evil character, Cruella De Vil in 101 Dalmatians, and she really was the devil. But that was high comedy. The meaner she got, the more the audience laughed. But to play someone who is always considered mean and manipulative? It's boring. And I don't do it. What's more interesting is playing characters with light and shade. The problem is that some people don't want to see female characters with light and shade. They want us black and white, easily put into boxes. Good. Evil. All that stuff… I read a survey which said that both men and women find very aggressive women who are sure of themselves the most difficult to relate to. Certainly, when a woman is in power, the more feminine and conciliatory she can be, the more people will open up to her. So a woman who is acting like a man gets negative reactions from both sexes." — Glenn Close. [Daily Mail]
• "I did this photo shoot with a big name fashion photographer and he said, 'Just so you know, if you don't like anything about yourself I can fix it afterwards — like that, for example' — pointing to my face. I was like, 'My chin? ' 'Yes, that cleft on your chin, ' he said, to which I replied, 'I wouldn't mind keeping it, as it's part of my face, you know.'" — Emily Blunt. [Daily Express]

• Good Morning, you have new president. His name is Barack Obama. No, he cannot start today. But soon. And he says: "If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy… tonight is your answer." [People]
• Oprah on Barack Obama's win: "It's one of the greatest moments I could ever even imagine. That's how great it is." [ET]
• Courteney Cox and David Arquette hosted a Barack Obama victory party at their house in Beverly Hills. Jennifer Aniston, Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher were in attendance; champagne was had. Meanwhile, in Chicago, Brad Pitt and Oprah Winfrey watched Obama's speech live. Also psyched: George Clooney and Usher. [E!]
• George Clooney: "I congratulate President-elect Obama on his historic victory, and now it's time to begin unifying the country so we can take on the extraordinary challenges that this generation faces." [ET]
• Oprah again: "This is democracy at its finest." [ET]
• In other news, Jennifer Aniston is pregnant with twins. Supposedly. More in Midweek Madness. [Star]

• Britney Spears is on the cover of Australian Cosmopolitan, and they used a photograph tat is five years old. She looks good, though. [TMZ]
• Nikki Blonsky will guest star on Ugly Betty as an assistant from a rival magazine. Will there be an airport-style kerfluffle? [E!]
• Perez Hilton got served! With legal papers: Liz Silver, who runs the Web site PerezRevenge.com, is accusing him of plagiarism and copyright infringement. She had a friend crash his Halloween party and hand him papers. [Page Six]
• Blind items! 1. "Which aggressive TV, stage and movie actor has a shady past? Rumor is he sexually assaulted a girl while in high school and his family had the situation 'swept under the rug.' 2. "Which screen god isn't as happy as he and his paramour would like the world to think? Whenever the couple and their children are in LA, he 'goes to a bar in a Beverly Hills hotel and drinks for hours before going home." 3. "Which oft-photographed socialite/designer is losing her grip on the fashion world? Luxury brands no longer send her clothing and accessories and don't want her in their ad campaigns." [Page Six]
• Holly Madison is "depressed" about calling it quits with Hugh Hefner, but basically, she claims, "I got too old for Hef." Yeah, that's right: She's 28 and too old for the original Playboy. She now sleeps in a guest room. "I still work for him. We're still best friends. I still call and check in on him almost everyday." [Newser via Extra]
• More from Holly: "It might be refreshing to date someone who is not high maintenance. Sorry, Hef, you know you're high maintenance. I love you but you know you're high maintenance." [Perez Hilton]
• The rest of Janet Jackson's tour: Officially canceled. They say scheduling conflicts. Could it also be vertigo? Or crappy ticket sales? [Perez Hilton]
• Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty are both off of NME's "Cool List" this year. Drugs and jail are bad for your career, kids! [The Sun]
• CNN's Christiane Amanpour may finally get her own show. It's about time! [Page Six]
• A top Hollywood agent — who repped Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jennifer Aniston and Matthew McConaughey — insulted his clients, stole gifts sent to them, and discussed their private parts, a lawsuit alleges. [Page Six]
• Angelina Jolie explains War and Peace in her household: "We don't take war and violence lightly, but we don't hide it from anybody. Listen, my kids play video games. I let them play with toy soldiers. We say, 'Mommy and Daddy have movies where we play these characters, but there's real death and real violence in the world. There's a real responsibility there to create in their minds the difference between the two." Also, when Mommy visits Afghanistan, she wears a flak jacket. [People]
• Anne Hathaway's new man is an actor named Adam Shulman. He's cute. [Perez Hilton]
• The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) is not happy about when Nelson's use of "that's so gay" in a scene with Milhouse on The Simpsons. [TMZ, E!]
• 50 Cent's new TV show, 50 Cent: The Money and the Power, airs tomorrow on MTV. Fourteen "wannabe moguls" compete to earn a $100,000 investment from the rapper by doing challenges like walking through Brooklyn chained together. No, really. There's a clip. [People]
• Christina Aguilera's new TV commercial for Target has a comic-book feel, meaning she wears a red jumpsuit and a cape. At least she seems to know who Roy Lichtenstein is. (There's video of her talking about the spot.) [People]
• Don't tell anyone, but Keanu Reeves is a secret genius. He reads Proust and stuff. Shh! [Newser via Details]
• Cammy Diaz: Seen smoking like a fiend and being rude at Drew Barrymore's Halloween party. [Page Six]
• Charlie Sheen left his pregnant wife at home to go party at get lap dances in Las Vegas because he is Charlie Sheen. [Star]
• Guy Ritchie has hired a top family lawyer to handle his custody battle with Madonna. She's already got a top divorce lawyer. Ever heard the joke about he little girl at the cemetery? She asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" Her mom said, "Of course not, Why would you think that?" And the girl answered: "The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'" [Daily Mail]
• Guy Ritchie went out for drinks and now the Brit tabs are calling him "Tipsy Ritchie." [The Sun]
• Tina Fey's Emmys and SNL appearances may be translating into more 30 Rock viewers. She deserves it! [AP]
• Hindu leaders are not amused by Heidi Klum's Kali Halloween costume. [Best Week Ever]
• Katie Holmes and Rebecca Gayheart were friends 16 years ago, way before Katie met Tom Cruise. According to Roger Friedman, after Katie met Tom, "Gayheart, like most of Holmes’s friends, never saw her or heard from her again." But now Gayheart's in a Broadway play right around the corner from All My Sons. Will they reunite? [Fox 411]
• Have mercy: Janice Dickinson was on some afternoon court TV show, being sued by one of her former models. Judge Christina (???) listened to her crazy-ass defense are ruled in her favor. [ONTD]
• Sharon Osbourne on Simon Cowell's break-up: "He deserves it. He's a t****r, that's the truth." Hmm, what's that word there? Tosser? Anyone? [Mirror]
• Simon Cowell gave Terri Seymour $5 million cash and another $4.6 to buy a Beverly Hills home as a parting gift. Simon, break up with me next! [MSNBC]
• Oh, and Simon says: "Don't worry about me - I don't need a lonely hearts ad. I'm off women now." [Mirror]
• Daniel Craig in a Bollywood film? "I am open to offers from India… Till now I haven't been fortunate enough to get hold of an Indian movie. But yes, I will be very honoured and excited to work with an Indian actor or actress on any given chance. I also feel very obliged for the immense popularity which I enjoy in this part of the world." [ONTD]
• Katie "Jordan" Price was named Britain's Best-Loved Celebrity Mum because "she's not perfect." [Mirror]
• Liz Hurley's husband likes it when she dresses like a tart. "Like the vast majority of men, Arun likes short, tight, sexy dresses." Here's the good news: So does Liz. [The Sun]
• Expect to see a lot of Jennifer Hudson headlines like this (this isn't the first one): "Hudson Begged Mother To Move Out Of Neighborhood." [Daily Express]
• Denis Leary is the voice of Ford Trucks. Don't worry, he makes no mention of autism in the commercials. [Business Week]
• Singer Duffy accidentally set her hair on fire in her dressing room in Cleveland. Candles are soothing yet dangerous! [ONTD]
• Matthew Broderick quotes Ferris Bueller in this prObama video. [Newser via HuffPo]
• Carrie Underwood won't tell you who she voted for, so stop asking. [People]
• Cindy McCain "has this evil queen beauty about her," quoth Project Runway's Austin Scarlett, whilst seen voting in New York. [NY Observer]
• Apropos of nothing: "Mariah Carey's Top 10 Maddest Moments." [Mirror]
• Audrina of The Hills moved out but LC was cool with it blahblahblah JustinBobby blahblahblah. [People]
• Corrie Loftin of Paris Hilton's My New BFF was once ins a Girls Gone Wild video. And hanging out with Paris is different… how? [E!]
• "Sporty Spice," Mel C says: "I know there’s been a lot of things written recently saying I’m getting married and they’ve said the date and the church and that Victoria’s organizing it, but, no, we’ve got no plans." Seems she wants to have the baby first. [The Sun]
• Did Ivana Trump's young Italian husband cheat on her with a hot Italian model? "Nothing sexual happened. That I know for sure," she writes in Page Six Magazine. "I'm not going to make any other comment until I speak to him." Good idea! [Page Six]
• Selena Gomez, 16-year-old budding Disney star, was asked if she reads tabloids: "Recently, I have not. I'm actually very, very proud of myself. Honestly, the blog sites and everything — I'd be on them nonstop. I've gone four weeks total without looking at them and I'm very proud and very happy. I was addicted. It was bad." [LA Times]
• Courtenay Semel's dad, former Yahoo CEO Terry Semel, has cut her off. What's a girl to do? A reality show, obvs. [Page Six]
• For the last time: Joe The Plumber did not hook up with any SNL cast member. [Politico]
• Simply Red's Mick Hucknall, yes, that's right, Mick Hucknall, paid £29,000 for a pair of David Beckham's football cleats in 2002 and they seem to have lost about £25,000 in value since then. Surely he's wishing he really could be holding back the years. [Mirror]
• Reading about Bianca Jagger being in an argument over a €200,000 ring she lost in Salzburg earlier this year is like reading about a goblin surfing on Mars: Sounds interesting, but I just can't relate. [Yahoo News]
• Very cool, worth-your-while profile of Diahann Carroll. She says: "Dynasty was rather marvellous, you know. It was all about the clothes. The most important thing about the day was wardrobe, and of course I explained to Aaron [Spelling] I didn't want to be on the show unless I could be bitchy." She also says: "I lost two children [to miscarriage]. That's why when we talk about racism it will always take third, fourth, fifth place to some of the other things that have happened to me that are much more meaningful than being in a room with an idiot who is going to judge the color of my skin." [Guardian]
• "Having a love is a gigantic bonus in life, but I wasn't unhappy when I was single, either. (John)'s just fun, so much fun. I'm very happy now." Bo Derek, who's living with John Corbett, aka Aidan from Sex And The City. [The Sun]
• "I enjoyed being Mayor of Carmel, but you do see that it is very difficult to get things done. You just have to lose your soul. You have to bullshit people. You have to deal with people you don't care for and will never be friends with, so you kind of sell yourself out to be a politician. You have to kiss it up with the world. That ain't my style." — Clint Eastwood. [Daily Express]
• "I'd always fall for guys I wanted to save. For the first time, I fell in love with someone who saved me." — Jessica Simpson on Tony Romo. [People]
• "I would rather be sexy like Simone Signoret or Anna Magnani than like - oy, vey - Paris Hilton" - Erica Jong to More. [Page Six]
• "Barack Obama's treated like the Messiah in England. We don't have particularly inspirational politicians, certainly no one who can draw crowds in the thousands." — Daniel Radcliffe. [Page Six]
• "I think every black kid will tomorrow will be one inch taller when he goes to school. And I think everyone will be energized. And a lot of people who had given up hope in the last seven eight years are hopeful." — Richard Belzer. [Observer]

[People , Us, Us]

[Madame Tussaud's, New York, October 22. Image via Splash.]

• David Duchovny, 48, has entered rehab for sex addiction. Here's his statement: "I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction. I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family." Duchovy has been married to Tea Leoni since 1997 and they have 2 kids: daughter Madelaine West, 9, and son Kyd, 6. (Um, remember this?) [People]
• Oh, god. There's info floating around that Tea Leoni is secretly dating Billy Bob Thornton. And this old blind item ("What actor, Mr. X, is having an affair? The file on him is that he's screwing his (female) tennis instructor. Yup. His actress wife is going to become a Lion when she finds out!") seems to clearly be about Duchovny and Leon. WTF. [ONTD, Radar, Perez Hilton]
• BREAKING NEWS: Heidi Montag is McCain's Vice President. She says. [Extra]
• Barack Obama's Denver set was constructed by the designers who did Britney Spears' sets. It's Barry, bitch! [Extra]

• Richard Lohan, Lindsay's paternal grandfather, died yesterday after a battle with colon cancer. Michael Lohan says: "My father just, literally, died in my arms. I notified all my kids and my lawyer notified Dina's attorney. Let's see if she has the decency and respect to bring my kids to the wake and funeral. THIS will show her true colors!" [E!]
• Oh, and Michael Lohan is going to do a one-hour TV special that has 101 text messages from Lindsay and 60 tape recordings of Dina. [Perez Hilton]
• Lindsay Lohan has been "begging" Michael Phelps for a date. A source says: "Lindsay has been trying to meet up with him. They're both going to the MTV Video Music Awards next month." [Mirror]
• But wait! Michael Phelps is texting Carrie Underwood! They are "planning a quiet first date" near Carrie's home in Nashville. [ONTD]
• More from Michael Lohan: "Dina took a percentage of Lindsay's money when I NEVER took a red cent! All the while, I only speak out when something is wrong or needs to be made right! Dina is a money-loving, fame-seeking, self-serving deceiver, who comes from roots of the same. Meanwhile they say I seek fame! Ha! I am out there doing charity work, going on mission trips, working with the United Nations and trying to help my daughter while spending sleepless nights with a father dying of cancer…" [Perez Hilton]
• And! Still more from Michael Lohan: "Who's out of control? Whose life is out of control? Give me a break. Going from place to place, being dragged around by Samantha so she can make more money off of Lindsay being there when she spins...She's gone from making $7 million to less than a million a movie. Who's out of control?" [E!]
• Meanwhile: Lindsay's uncle, Paul Sullivan (Dina's bro), was arrested for allegedly stealing 9/11 relief funds. [Extra]
• Christopher Ciccone says Demi Moore once squirted breast milk at him at a party. Viva la leche! [Jossip]
• Jennifer Aniston: Guest starring on 30 Rock! [Star]
• Halle Berry is wearing a ring on THAT finger. [E!]
• Joe Biden has hair plugs. Oh, wow, they have old pix of him when he was bald! [Awful Plastic Surgery]
• Mackenzie Phillips spent the night in jail after her drug bust, but got out yesterday after posting $10,000 bail. First she was visited by half-sister Bijou Phillips and Bijou's boyfriend, Danny Masterson. Apparently when Mackenzie was busted at the airport, a bag of cocaine fell from her pants, she admitted to using heroin that morning and she was found to have "extensive" marks on her arms. A police officer asked if she was diabetic. She said: "No, I am healthy except for my drug problem." [E!]
• Is the new American Idol judge there to cover for Paula Abdul, who was "absent" a lot last season? [MSNBC]
• Charlize Theron went from the DNC to the Venice Film Festival to the Guggenheim Museum for a documentary about Valentino. Multifaceted! [E!]
• Remember how Solange Knowles told off a newscaster and then the video was circulated? She responds! She says she is "disappointed in the level of journalism right now." [TMZ]
• Decathlete Bryan Clay doesn't think Michael Phelps is the best athlete. "When you’re talking about the best athlete in the world, I think it needs to be somebody that’s well rounded, that can do everything well," Bryan tells OK! magazine. "I think that’s me at this point." Clay only has one gold medal, but he's on the Wheaties box. [MSNBC]
• At a screening of Guy Ritchie's new flick, RocknRolla, a scene about Russian immigrants prompted some drunk dude to start shouting, "Yeah all you immigrants get back home, go on, fuck off." He was kicked out, obvs. [Mirror]
• Homer Simpson will get a colonoscopy during the "Stand Up For Cancer" fund-raiser on Sept. 5. Animated polyps? [Page Six]
• DMX is sorta kinda cleaning up his troubled legal life: He needs to pay a court fine in Miami and deal with that skipped court date in Arizona. [E!]
• Danity Kane drama involving Diddy. [Rush & Molloy]
• O.J. Simpson was beat up by his own daughter??? [Extra]
• Vin Diesel's new movie, Babylon A.D., sucks. The director (Amelie hottie) Mathieu Kassovitz calls it a "a bad episode of 24." Diesel was late all the time, Kassovitz allegedly had a nervous breakdown, etc. Box office poison, which opens today, not that you're gonna see it! [Page Six]
• "I'm not supporting Nader for president… I will reluctantly vote for Obama." — Sean Penn. [Page Six]
• "Sometimes I think she has 'desperate character' written on her. The clothes we wear send a message. And I think that’s the message — I don’t think that’s her intention though." — Tim Gunn on Jennifer Aniston. [Just Jared]
• "For years, I tried to get producers to have Vinny sell his Hummer and buy a Prius. Then I realized this show is entertainment. I know that Entourage is often demeaning and crude, but there's also a lot of social commentary." — Adrian Grenier. [Page Six]
• "A friend of mine (a petite blond woman who works for a progressive organization) was wrestled to the ground by six cops/security-people because she had left her credentials in her hotel room. Maybe the cops in Denver should lay off the caffeine/meth/diet-pills/sugar-cereals while they're working the convention?" — Moby, on security at the DNC. [Rush & Molloy, via Blender.com]
• "As much as she does and says outrageous things and isn't the nicest person in town, I think that Blair is what a lot of people wish they could be. She's got really good fashion and she lives in a gorgeous apartment and she's got tons of money and she's very well taken care of, well coiffed, has beautiful boys surrounding her, all this stuff. I think that a lot of women also relate to her because she is imperfect and she has her insecurities. And also, she's quite sexual." —Leighton Meester, on her Gossip Girl character, Blair Waldorf. [Salon]
• "I made the decision to take acting seriously after high school. When I was in my Freshman year at college I took some acting classes and found that I fell in love with it again. I was never challenged when it came to acting as a youngster. I sort of just did whatever was given to me without asking questions. I didn’t really understand why I enjoyed it or why I did it." — Mary-Kate Olsen. [Mirror]
• "I don’t have assistants, bodyguards or even a driver because I try to pretend in my own head that this isn’t happening. I think a lot of actresses live in this cotton-wool world but I’m very free-spirited and I want to be able to live the life I do. I don’t court attention. I don’t go to other people’s premieres. I haven’t been out to a club in London for years." —Sienna Miller. [Daily Express]
• "I'm hoping that it’ll firm it up and shape it up. Everyone is asking if I’m worried it’s going to go away. No, it’s going to tone it up. I can use that" — Kim Kardashian, on what Dancing With The Stars will do to her ass. [People]
• "Today I read on a blog that I went to the doctor and he said I was overweight and I cried and went to Planet Blue (because I was blue) and bought 6 pair of size 0 jeans. Now it is ridiculous to read such nonsense about oneself so I thought I was would address this one...
  1. My doctor says I am right on target with my weight gain
  2. Have not been to Planet Blue in at least two years
  3. Love my maternity jeans ..they have stretchy tops it is awesome!
  4. My closet full of size 0 are being worn by Pete right now and he looks hot in them :)
  So now that I have cleared that up let me tell you...carrying a child is the most inspiring, emotional, amazing experience of my life. My weight and my pant size are the absolute last thing I am concerned about. I am only concerned with having a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. People who talk and judge pregnant women's weight need to get a life!!!
  Peace and Love,
  Ashlee"
  [ONTD]

The Most Ridiculous Girl Gadgets [NPR]

Related: Watch Liv Tyler Promote The Nintendo DS
Metallic Rose DS Gets Superstar Launch

• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson: Engaged??? Apparently she has a huge new rock on her finger. A source says, "He picked out the ring and went for the biggest one he could find. He was nervous about proposing but Kate was thrilled and the whole thing was really emotional." Guess Owen's rough times are over? [The Sun]
  
• John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston spent another weekend together in Miami, eating salads poolside and making out. [People]
  
• Jenna Bush got married. [People]
  
• Dennis Farina was arrested at LAX for carrying a loaded, unregistered, .22 caliber, semi-automatic pistol in his briefcase. Farina is a former cop but, uh, you can't bring a gun on a plane. [Reuters]
  
• Hugh Hefner wants Miley Cyrus to pose for Playboy. When she's old enough. This is what happens. Don't you feel like weeping? [The Sun]
  
• Lindsay Lohan: Seen crying at Crown Bar in West Hollywood after a fight with girlfriend Sam Ronson, awwww. [Page Six]
  
• But LL was all smiles when she worked the crowd at the Wango Tango concert and introduced Snoop Dogg. When I say Wango you say Tango! [TMZ]

• Britain's "Most Annoying Couple," Katie Price (aka Jordan) and husband Peter Andre, are moving to the US. Prepare yourself! [Rush & Molloy]
• Leonardo di Caprio and his mom arrived at an art show via bicycle. Carbon footprint be damned! [Page Six]
• Bono celebrated his 48th birthday simply: With dinner, cake and champagne for 12 on Friday night. In attendance: Brad Pitt, Monaco's Prince Albert II and The Edge. So down to earth! [People]
• Gwyneth Paltrow and Mario Batali recently filmed a documentary series, Spain... On The Road Again in which they travel through España eating, cooking and sightseeing. The show will air on PBS in the fall but there's a preview here. Apparently the formerly macrobiotic Paltrow is a "really good eater." [People]
• Gwyneth may adopt her next child because being pregnant made her feel "like a zombie." She says, "I was so ill, everything disgusted me! I wasn't able to eat or smell anything." She says "an American oprhan" would be an option. Though she could copy her bff Madonna. [Mirror]
• Blind item! "Which executive producer and creator of two hit TV comedy series doesn't do his own work? Laments one insider: 'He's content to sit back and let everyone do the writing for him when they're supposed to be his shows.'" [Rush & Molloy]
• Suge Knight got in a fight at Hollywood nightclub and was knocked out cold for three minutes. [TMZ]
• Paul McCartney and Heather Mills were granted a preliminary divorce by a London judge, bringing us all one step closer to never having to hear about it again. [People]
• A chick won Survivor! [E!]
• Ellen turned 50 on January 26, but had a delayed celebration over the weekend due to the writers' strike. Her party was carnival and casino-themed and newlyweds Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Tom Hanks, Lindsay Lohan, Jamie Foxx, Paris Hilton and Clive Davis were in attendance. [E!]
• Madonna had to travel 37 miles from her home in London to a concert in Kent, so she went via helicopter, of course. [Mirror]
• Plus: Madonna used the F word twice during the Radio 1 Big Weekend gig, which was being broadcast live on BBC3, BBC HD and Radio 1. Whoops! [The Sun]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes baby-sat the Beckham boys while Posh went to London to work on her clothing line and David had a soccer game. [Mirror]
• Liz Hurley canceled a photo shoot for a vodka brand so now the rumor is that she is pregnant, sigh. [Mirror]
• David Sedaris once paid sister Amy 10¢ for a chicken leg at a family dinner when they were kids. [Page Six]
• Audrina Patridge of The Hills has joined the cast of Into The Blue 2, sequel to the Jessica Alba flick. Should be awesome. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Stop, drop, shut 'em down, open up shop: Cops raided the home of rapper DMX and he's been arrested (again) on suspicion of animal cruelty and drug possession. [Mirror]
• It's official: Jimmy Fallon will replace Conan O'Brien on Late Night. Let the uncontrolled giggling begin! [NY Times]
• Hayden Panettiere has "lez lust" for Angelina Jolie. [The Sun]
• William Shatner is finally talking about his feud with Star Trek costar Leonard Nimoy: "He thought I was a real son of a bitch," Captain Kirk says. [Mirror]
• Neverland Ranch has been saved from foreclosure! Michael Jackson says that the property loan was sold to Colony Capital, a large real estate investment firm. [Reuters]
• Singer Neil Young has been honored by an East Carolina University biologist who discovered a new species of trapdoor spider and named it Myrmekiaphila neilyoungi. Neil: Mind if we bug you by saying congrats? [Reuters]
• Carrie Underwood was inducted into the Grand Ole Opry Saturday night. Membership to the Opry is invitation-only and based on the artist's commitment to the show and overall contribution to country music. So it's an honor. [E!
• Alanis Morissette hit "rock bottom" over the past two years due to "a personal unraveling of significant relationships in my life." But she used the rough patch to write songs for her new album, out in June. Plus: She's psyched to see the Sex And The City movie: "I will definitely be going to see that movie," enthused Morissette, who once guest-starred on the HBO series. "I'm the girl that would torture a few of my guy friends and bring them." [People]
• A David O. Russell political comedy starring Jessica Biel and Jake Gyllenhaal has been put on hold because of a "cash crunch," boo. [Deadline Hollywood]
• The father of American Idol contender David Archuleta is a meddler who has been banned from rehearsals. [AP]
• Justin Timberlake is executive producing an MTV show called The Phone. The series, based on a Dutch reality show, begins each episode with two hidden cell phones ringing at opposite ends of a major city. Contestants who answer the phones have five seconds to decide if they want to play along for a cash prize, and a guide on the other end of the line then gives contestants a mission to complete before time runs out. [Reuters]
• Jennie Garth will be on the 90210 spinoff! She'll play a guidance counselor at her alma mater. Eh, that would never happen. [USA Today]
• Ashton Kutcher once he met Demi he knew it was right. "I knew she was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with," he said. "I am the happiliest — I think I just invented that word — married guy on the planet." [Reuters]
• Tom Cruise's probably craptastic Nazi movie has been delayed. Again. [Times of London]
• Heath Ledger's family is bracing as E! True Hollywood Story producers have begun to work on a "tribute" to the late actor and have flown to Australia to talk to Heath's school friends and former colleagues. [News.com.au]
• Sienna Miller and Rhys Ifans are going through a rough patch and might hnot get married, sigh. [Daily Mail]
• Speed Racer crashed and burned at the box office. What a wreck. [E!]
• "I wish Halle [and the baby] all the happiness and success in the world, as that is what I'm experiencing at this point in my life." — Halle Berry's former hubby Eric Benet. [Rush & Molloy]
• "I tried to work in an office. Apparently, my clothes weren't right. I was a Gal Friday the 13th. I would answer phones and people would call up very upset. Then they'd call back screaming and yelling because I had to go to the file room and I would get sidetracked. I used to fall asleep reading the mail. I didn't want to. But it was so boring to me and I hated it." — Cyndi Lauper. [Newsweek]

The Good:
Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban = hot shit.
Carrie Underwood's dress is not bad, but a little boring.
Is it wrong that I have two American Idol alums in a row in the "Good" category? Mazel tov, Diana diGarmo.
Jewel!
LeAnn Rimes: You look good.
When did Marcia Brady become a MILF?
I love Miley Cyrus' dress, but I think she is way too young to be wearing it.

The Bad:
Aimee Mayo's name makes me giggle; her outfit makes me frown.
Ditto for "Big Kenny" and "Christiev".
When I was 5, I loved Crystal Gale.
Sara Evans scores a double "oy".
Laura Bell Bundy is starring in Legally Blonde: The Musical. Elle Woods wouldn't be caught dead in this dress.
Paula Abdul: Now starring in Kiss of the Spider Woman?

The Ugly:
Why is Faith HIll dressed as Stevie Nicks?
Did Naomi Judd borrow George Clooney's girlfriend's Oscar dress?

[Images via Getty.]

• OMG Bobby Brown's autobiography is going to be sofa king awesome: "I never used cocaine until after I met Whitney. Before then, I had experimented with other drugs, but marijuana was my drug of choice. At one point in my life, I used drugs uncontrollably. I was using everything I could get my hands on, from cocaine to heroin, weed and cooked cocaine." [Page Six]
  
• Madonna donated 100 copes of Vanity Fair to the Kabbalah Centre. You know, the one with her on the cover. Soooo generous. [Page Six]
  
• Beyoncé and Jay-Z: Getting married this Friday??? [Perez Hilton]
  
• Jay-Z is on the verge of a $150 million deal with Live Nation — one of the biggest music contracts ever. Would getting married first mean Beyoncé could be all, what's yours is mine? [Reuters]
  
• Jessica Alba's unborn baby is a girl, and will be named Honor Warren. [Star]

• Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon: On vacay with the kids in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Cute! [MSNBC]
• Ed Westwick, aka Gossip Girl's Chuck Bass, has been spotted drunk out on the town again. His publicist must be working overtime to get him in the papers, but he's so damn cute we're falling for it. [Page Six]
• Speaking of GG, Chace Crawford (aka Nate ) has had a rough few weeks after breaking up with Carrie Underwood and being accused of dating JC Chasez. But he's "doing okay," his sister, Miss Missouri, says. You can stop worrying. [People]
• Kevin Federline's lawyer says Britney's dad is doing a great job. There was a situation and that seems to be stabilized. Does that mean she's cured? Of course not." [People]
• Britney's manager, Larry Rudolph, says Britney will make the biggest comeback in history. [ONTD]
• Mariah Carey canceled interviews in London because she's "not a morning person." Viva la diva! [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse saw a gang of paparazzi camped out on her doorstep in the cold, so she made them tea and brought them cookies. Love. Her. [ Mirror]
• Jerry Seinfeld's brakes failed on Saturday night and his his vintage car flipped over as he was driving in the Hamptons. Jerry walked away unscathed. [People]
• Speaking of the Hamptons, longtime resident Billy Joel's wife, Katie Lee Joel, has a cookbook with a recipe for "Man Loaf" that "instantly makes any guy fall in love." As the kids say, vom. [Page Six]
• "Everybody thinks I'm in the loony bin, but I'm actually in rehab." —Steve-O. [Page Six]
• Brad Pitt has dropped his publicist, Cindy Guagenti, who has repped him since Thelma & Louise. Could it be the influence of Angelina, who has never used a publicist? [Page Six]
• Brad Pitt (with local Springfield, MO businessmen and his brother Doug) has established a new fund to help Springfield public school students who are in poverty: The fund will address hunger, hygiene, and health needs. [KSMU]
• Will Lindsay Lohan's new album get released on time later this year? She's reportedly not being cooperative and canceled important meetings with producer Timbaland. Girl, check yourself before you wreck yourself. [Gatecrasher]
• Katie Couric plagiarized a poem when she was in grammar school and has kept it a secret for 45 years. What other skeletons does she have in her closet? [Gatecrasher]
• Yeah, yeah, Laguna Beach alum Jason Wahler is getting his own VH1 reality show, we know. And we're not looking forward to it. [Gatecrasher]
• Is Brody Jenner involved in that show? Or getting his own? [People]
• Blind item! "Which TV starlet could be the next to have embarrassing naked pix revealed? The racy snaps are a souvenir from her on-again, off-again hookups with a co-star." [Gatecrasher]
• Teri Hatcher will sing on American Idol Gives Back. Consider yourself warned. [Rush & Molloy]
• Kirsten Dunst is redoing the $3 million penthouse in Tribeca, NYC, she bought to live in now hat she's completed six weeks of rehab. Nothing gets booze off your mind like a pricey renovation project! [Rush & Molloy]
• Did UCLA Medical Center employees spy on Farrah Fawcett's files like they did on Britney's? [TMZ]
• Heather Mills was spotted at the airport wearing a black wig as a disguise. WTF. [The Sun]
• The Lord Chief Justice has said people who represent themselves in court — like Heather Mills — just waste the court's time. [Telegraph]
• The mayor of the town in Chile where Daniel Craig is shooting the new Bond movie is leading a protest against the film. The mayor claims that when he drove his car onto the set, Daniel Craig "fled in terror." Bond would never flee! [Daily Mail]
• Kanye West's new travel site is just a "shoddily assembled web 0.5 front-end to house the Travelocity website." [AdAge]
• Elvis Costello hosting a talk show for Sundance Channel? Sounds good. [Reuters]
• Stop me if you think you've heard this one before: Morrissey has won an apology in court from the publishers of Word Magazine, which called him a racist and a hypocrite. [Reuters]
• A judge has dismissed a defamation lawsuit by a businessman chased down the street by Sacha Baron Cohen in the Borat movie. Go away! [USA Today]
• Francis Ford Coppola's new movie is getting a "sex change": Carmen Maura is replacing Javier Bardem in the role of mentor and teacher. [Yahoo News]
• The family of R&B singer Sean Levert wants the FBI too look into his death — he died Sunday night after being strapped into a restraint chair in jail. [Yahoo News]
• Steve Irwin's father has quit working at the Australia Zoo because he was becoming a "disrupting influence." [Sydney Morning Herald]
• See, there's this pesky tax investigation going on involving the Irwins and the Zoo. [News.com.au]
• The Irwins and the Zoo got scammed. [News.com.au]
• "I think legal prostitution is the way to go, given the awful, horrendous traffic in women and the danger of girls being out on the street, so vulnerable to pimps and johns. In a legal brothel, they're licensed, they're protected, and the johns are protected because they know the girls have to be medically checked every week" - Helen Mirren. [Page Six]

• Halle Berry gave birth to a baby girl on Sunday morning in L.A. An insider says Halle first arrived at the hospital early Saturday with contractions and "skyrocketing" blood pressure, but stabilized, went home and came back later Saturday night. The baby was born at 10:17 am yesterday. Congrats! [Star Magazine]
  
• Baby and mama are "doing great!" [US Magazine]
  
• George Clooney is going to be Nicole Kidman's baby's godfather. Damn. Raise your hand if you're jealous of an unborn kid. [Mirror]
  
• Nicole Richie hates her post-pregnancy boobs. "I am bustier now and I really don't like it. It doesn't really fit with my wardrobe, it's not who I am. I am not someone who is used to wearing a bra or having to wear a bra, I really don't like it. I like wearing vintage hippy see-through shirts that aren't slutty on me because there is nothing to look at." [The Sun]
  
• Mel Gibson and Britney Spears: New BFFs. WTF. [TMZ]

• Oh, a source says Mel and Brit had dinner together to talk about sobriety. Sure. [E!]
• Sam Lutfi's restraining order regarding Britney has been extended for another 30 days, thank Zeus. [TMZ]
• Is Britney's father opening a restaurant with Kevin Federline??? [Mirror]
• Brit's kids came to visit; she let her dad push the stroller. [The Sun]
• The hospital where Britney stayed for psychiatric evaluation has suspended some employees and may fire others for looking at Brit's medical records. [Reuters]
• Lindsay Lohan admits that her pre-rehab lifestyle was effed up: "I was putting myself in the wrong situations and I didn't have the focus in the right place." [People]
• Lindsay recently had a meeting with rapper Fat Joe. Reeemiiiix! [E!]
• Paris Hilton is going on tour with Benji Madden and his band, Good Charlotte, in South Africa, yawn. [People]
• A Hasidic Jew dropped out of the role of Natalie Portman's husband in her new movie because of pressure from his community. Oy. [UPI]
• Keith Richards likes Amy Winehouse's music but says,"That girl isn't going to be around long unless she sorts herself out pretty quick. Amy's got to get smart." [Daily Mail]
• Sarah Jessica Parker on the Sex And The City movie: "A handful of people have seen it and have been very surprised by the seriousness. There's something that happens in this movie and it's really about realizing your own complicity and disappointment. You know the necessity of friends, but at a certain point, as a grown-up person, you have to take care of yourself." [LA Times]
• Did "oil heir" Brandon Davis steal a $100,000 watch from producer Scott Storch? [Page Six]
• Eminem is working on the return of Slim Shady: He's back in the studio and working out with a trainer. [Page Six]
• Dear Page Six, Lisa D'Amato did not win Cycle Five of ANTM; she did pee herself on a photo shoot, though. [Page Six]
• Blind items! "Which married foreign head of state makes Bill Clinton look like a Boy Scout? When women are granted audiences with the man, they find him at his desk with his fly open or, sometimes, with his pants already down... Which "socialite" dropped from a size 14 to a size 0 with the help of a new dangerous habit? She and some of her friends are dabbling in the appetite suppressant heroin." [Page Six]
• Blind item: "Which new mama likes to sneak vodka into her water glass even though she's still breastfeeding?" [ONTD]
• Diane Sawyer did a special on prostitution which never aired; thanks to Spitzer & Dupre, it'll be on ABC this Friday. Dreams really do come true. [Rush & Molloy]
• Actor Daniel Radcliffe smokes like 20 cigarettes a day. Harry Potter & The Phlegmy Cough. [ONTD]
• Start hitting your high notes: Mariah Carey will be a guest judge on American Idol this week. [ONTD]
• CSI: Miami's David Caruso: A dick on the set. [Page Six]
• Kate Moss has been banned from joining boyfriend Jamie Hince on stage when his band, The Kills, tours. She'll have to be happy with "groupie" status. [Mirror]
• Is Madonna's marriage "hanging by a thread"? How many times have you heard that before? [The Sun]
• But apparently Madonna and Guy Ritchie will announce a split in 18 months. Mark your calendar! [ONTD]
• Madonna's new song will be released via a SunSilk shampoo commercial. Rinse and repeat. [The.Life Files]
• Dawn Wells, aka Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island, was supposed to speak to the Girl Scouts of America; they canceled after she was charged with marijuana possession. But she could warm the girls of the dangers of DUI! [UPI]
• Sadie Frost has split with Towers of London bassist Kristian Marr. Did you know they were dating? [Sunday Mirror]
• Paul McCartney may learn how much cash he has to give Heather Mills in their divorce settlement today, but will we? These things are private, as dictated by British law. But the judge can release some or all details after the couple has heard the decision. [CNN]
• Yee-haw! Carrie Underwood is joining the Grand Ole Opry. [Yahoo News]
• The drummer from ABBA was found dead in Spain. [Yahoo News]
• Is the Church of Scientology planning to use Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith to lure black people into its clutches? [MSNBC]
• Minnie Driver doesn't know what to name her baby. "Driver is kind of a hard name to put with a first name, particularly boys' names. My friend sent me an email saying I should call the baby Duncan Driver. Then I can call it Dunk Driver, Pile Driver, Rally Driver." [The Sun]
• Michael Stipe: Totes le gay. [Rush & Molloy]

[LAX, February 11. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

(Click on lead image in each gallery to begin the show.)

The Good:

The Bad:

The Ugly:

[All photos via Getty Images.]

The Good:
Alicia Keys exudes class and good taste while Christina Applegate brings new life to the color purple.

The Good...But:
Vanessa Hudgens and Miley Cyrus both look super cute. But aren't their dresses a little short given their ages? (Also, Hudgens is starting to bear an uncanny resemblance to early 90's Mariah Carey. Just saying.)

The Bad:
Rihanna's dress is wearing her, not the other way around and Avril Lavigne forgot it isn't Halloween and clearly came as Streetwalker Barbie.

Carrie Underwood is being slowly choked by her dress while Ashley Tisdale channels Mr. Roboto.

The Ugly:
Taylor Swift not only pairs cowboys boots with a cocktail dress, but wears sheer stocking to boot. (No pun attended.) Meanwhile, Fergie's neck is moments away from bearing stigmata.

Phoebe Prince and Kid Rock: No further explanation needed.

US
Britney is SICK! Declares the cover, showing Brit with her broke-ass weave and hideously unflattering Halloween costume. Inside we learn that Spears got straight Fs on the Parenting Report Card graded by her court-appointed parenting coach because her home life is "chaotic." A "confidant" thinks Brit is suffering from adult onset ADD or postpartum depression. Us then provides a handy chart delineating the signs of mental illness for those of us not already convinced that Brit is batshit. In Hills news, the axis of evil known as Spencer Pratt is allegedly shopping a sex tape "under the guise that it had been 'stolen.'" The tape shows Pratt n' pals hooking up with a bunch of Brazilian hussies. Later, Audrina catches JustinBobby making out with a redhead at L.A. club Opera and has since begun dating Australian pro BMXer Corey Bohan. Also inside: did Katie Holmes run the marathon without a bra (but with lipstick and eyeshadow)? Are Jessica Simpson and Owen Wilson really dating? "Did Brad Get Dissed by Barak?" Are Christina Applegate and ex-husband Johnathon Schaech back together? What is the meaning of life?
Grade: C- (cold mac n' cheese the next morning)

Life & Style
Angelina's Sexy Kiss With Another Man! chastises the cover (and hey look, they went back to the old logo!) though inside we learn that her kiss was part of a scene with Scotsman James McAvoy for her upcoming movie Wanted. It's called ACTING, people. But we are reminded that Angie has a history of boning her costars, as she hooked up with Brad and exes Billy Bob Thornton and Jonny Lee Miller on set. Allegedly Brad is jealous of her steamy scene and also of her hot new bodyguard, another Scottish bloke named Billy. Britney's mom gives L&S an exclusive interview in which she says "I blame myself," for Britney's erratic behavior. It's kind of a bummer! In addition: Bennifer v. 2.0 is purportedly feeling the strain of their busy schedules, as Jennifer Garner is in New York acting in a revival of Cyrano and Ben is on the road promoting his directorial debut Gone Baby Gone. As a result, Ben's been hitting the sauce pretty hard again. Finally, there is a spread of Jennifer Aniston high school photos where she sports sweatpants and also her old nose.
Grade: D+ (cinnamon raisin bagel dug out of the garbage)

OK!
The cover shows adorable Jayden James and Sean Preston saying "Mommy We Miss You!" The "two forgotten princes of Malibu" are left in the car while Brit goes chandelier shopping and she never lets them have playdates with other, possible more hygienic children. An interview with "the anti-Britney" Carrie Underwood reveals that she loves the bad boys and enjoys drinking Coors beer, long walks on the beach and dolphins. "They're like giant, rubbery, wet dogs!" Kate Hudson and Orlando Bloom sucked face at her Halloween party (in front of ex-boyfriend Dax!!) but they're not really dating. Tyra Banks is dating a 50-year-old banker named John Utendahl, and his buddies are not pleased with Ty Ty's divaness. "Tyra insisted his friends delete iPhone pics they had taken as a group because she hadn't been styled!"
Grade: D (warm cottage cheese and prunes)

In Touch
Tom's still keeping secrets from Katie, the cover tells us. A new book by Andrew Morton (of Lady Di bio fame) exposing Tom's "deepest demons" is hitting bookstores next January. Katie is worried that Suri's paternity might be questioned by Morton because the alien baby's birth certificate was not signed until 20 days after she was born. In addition, Morton explores the gay innuendos that have plagued Tom since his marriage to Mimi Rogers, who had said he was celibate during their union. The book also rehashes the old rumor that Katie auditioned to be Tom's beard... er, wife, along with fellow starlets Jessica Alba and Kate Bosworth and alleges that Tom's past relationships were "photo opportunities" rather than "romances." In Touch carries details of the fracas at Oprah's South African academy. Disgraced school matron Tiny Makopo reportedly "grabbed a student by the throat and threw her against the wall." Also inside: George Clooney and Fabio got in a fistfight at Madeo in West Hollywood over some photos being taken by Fabio's party. Clooney asked one of Fabio's companions to stop taking pictures, and Fabio told George to "Stop being a diva." Zing! A scuffle ensued between George and Fabio but waiters broke it up before it got too intense. The Olsen twins had a garage sale and made a cool $25,000 off their homeless chic cast-offs.
Grade: C (peanut butter and jelly on untoasted Wonderbread)

Star
The cover asks whether Angelina and her bodyguard have become "too close?" Bodyguard Billy (no one knows his last name!) escorted Ange to a screening of A Mighty Heart. A friend of the couple says that Angelina "finds [Billy] attractive and she's reacting to it. She's flirtatious. She's a sexual creature." Britney's ashamed of her childhood because she grew up poor, says mom Lynne's forthcoming book. Also, her break-up with Justin was scheduled. According to a family insider, apparently things had been in decline for a while and towards the end, both Timberlake and Spears were using their bond for publicity. Finally, Lynne is in dire financial straits because Brit stopped giving her money. Helena Bonham Carter farted during a sex scene with Paul Bettany while filming The Heart of Me. Star also links Shia LaBeouf's recent Walgreens arrest to his break-up with Rihanna. Shia is allegedly insane with jealousy over her new relationship with Josh Hartnett.
Grade: D- (possibly rancid leftover General Tso's)

• Britney Spears turned herself into the LAPD last night to be booked on her August 6 hit-and-run charge. (You'll recall that while trying to park her car, she hit a parked car, examined the damage, made a pouty face and then walked away. Photographers documented the whole thing.) She was at the police station for 45 minutes, during which she was fingerprinted and photographed, then released. [TMZ]
  
• But before she was booked, she put on a pink wig, sat in her car and posed for photographers, of course. [The Sun]
  
• Natalie Portman gave Julia Roberts a necklace that read "Cunt" after they finished the film Closer because they used so many "dirty words" in the movie. Later, Julia gave Natalie one that read "Lil Cunt." How sweet! [Rush & Molloy]

• Jimmy Kimmel will be flying to New York City every day to guest-host "Live With Regis and Kelly" and then flying back to L.A. to host his own late night show, which is just a fucking ridiculous idea. Seriously. [Rush & Molloy, 9th from bottom]
• Two scantily-clad women were seen screaming at the front desk of the Shore Club Hotel in Miami because they'd spent the night in Derek Jeter's penthouse and were charged for parking. The nerve! [Page Six]
• Hilary Swank will star in a biopic about Amelia Earheart. [Page Six]
• Two women who had claimed that they were taped without permission for Joe Francis' Girls Gone Wild have recanted and issued an apology. Francis remains in jail in Nevada for his tax problems. [Page Six]
• Linda Evangelista gave birth a year ago and said the father was a "New York architect." But is it really François-Henri Pinault, the president of PPR (Gucci, Yves Saint Laurent)? You know, the man engaged to Salma Hayek and the father of her 1-month-old daughter? [Page Six]
• Is Gossip Girl star Chance (Nate Archibald) Crawford dating American Idol Carrie Underwood? Do you give a shit? [Page Six]
• In his memoir, Guns N' Roses star Slash writes that he spent his time on the road in the '80s "in and out of a variety of VD clinics." Lovely. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which teenage brother of hard-partying siblings is following in the family tradition? Visibly drunk at an L.A. nightclub on Saturday, he alarmed pals by vomiting later at a party in the Hollywood Hills, where he had been taken by his sister. And he was just off the plane from boarding school!" [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Lindsay Lohan is back in L.A. to work on her next film, Dare To Love Me. Hopefully she's staying away from some of her old "friends." [People]
• Colin Farrell has revealed that his son suffers from a rare neuro-genetic disorder called Angelman Syndrome, characterized by developmental delay, speech impairment, movement or balance disorder, excessive laughter and even seizures. "The only time I'm reminded that there is something different about him — that he has some deviation of what is perceived to be normal — is when I see him with other 4-year-olds. Then I go, 'Oh yeah,' and it comes back to me," Farrell says. "But from day one I felt that he's the way he's meant to be." [People]
• Jorja Fox is leaving CSI. "There are all these things I want to do. Some are personal. Some are professional," she says. Any fans here? [E!]

• What happens when you're high on coke and eluding cops in a cornfield? Some maize-y shit! [Daily Mail]
  
• Proving himself to be the poster child for special-needs reptiles everywhere, a one-eyed alligator attacked a golfer in Florida today. Both man and gator are doing fine. [CNN]
  
• Penguins used to be almost 5 ft tall! Monster penguins?! Awe-some. [Guardian]
  
• Mary-Louise Parker and Jeffrey Dean Morgan are kaput. Which is sad because they both have three names. And, uh, we sorta feel like Mary-Louise has been through enough after getting dumped by Billy Crudup shortly before giving birth to his child. [People]
  
• Istanbul has pulled out from hosting a Live Earth concert this summer. We suspect they're being grumpy at being snubbed by France in EU negotiations, which was because (we suspect) France was grumpy that Istanbul got named a cooler city than Paris. Follow? If you give a European city a cookie... [USA Today]

• Snubbed again! Apparently Carrie Underwood is a sexier vegetarian than we are. Harumph. We (and the Catholic school boys in our neighborhood) beg to differ. [ABC News]
• What words of wisdom did Paris Hilton take away from her prison stint? Sayeth the sheriff, "Paris, do a better job in your life." [TMZ]
• 9 U.S. casualties identified today. [DoD]